We are cyclical creatures. Women especially. Me in particular.
Since reading a book about hormone balance, I’ve been using a hormone tracker app and have realized I am SUPER affected by the rise and fall of my estrogen and progesterone levels. (I’ve also learned that women have about 8 days out of every month when we can expect to not be being jerked around my our hormones in some way.) It’s a relief to discover this sensitivity because I’m fairly certain now that I’m not bipolar.
That’s not a joke at the expense of people who are bipolar: I’ve sincerely wondered several times in my life if that could be the reasoning behind what has often felt like drastic changes in personality, mood, and willpower.
Turns out it’s probably just hormones.
Knowing this about myself is helping me to practice compassion – with myself and others – and make better use of my talents, strengths, and hormonal upswings. My owner’s manual has been updated, and I’m loving it. Knowledge absolutely is power.
While I’m only recently uncovering the details of my hormonal cycles, I long ago noticed the power of larger cycles on my life. Seasons. Times when I’m growing and adding, times when I’m pruning and removing, and times when I’m just hunkering down and waiting for what comes next.
Unfortunately, the seasons of my life don’t always match up with what I see outside my window or on my Facebook news feed.
Like when everyone in the world is getting excited about New Year resolutions and I’m in hibernate mode.
Or when everyone I know is in do! grow! plan! mode and I’m in a cut back and refocus season.
It’s tempting to be frustrated by this dissonance, to ask “what the heck is wrong with me?”
But one of the most fundamental tenets of happiness is acceptance, including acceptance of oneself.
So I do not should on my season.
I embrace where I am and say no to what isn’t right for me right now.
I recognize that something or someone being out of season for me isn’t about anyone being smarter, dumber, too much, or not enough. Without judgment, I acknowledge that paths cross and uncross and recross as needed.
Or at least, I try.
(I am also human, so…)
I was in a yoga class earlier this week and the teacher instructed us to “let go of what is no longer serving you”. It occurred to me in that moment that so often the letting go comes with a side of smugness or self righteousness, but that isn’t really letting go or accepting.
Letting go of what no longer serves you does not have to be about slamming, or being sad, or being better than what no longer serves you. It just means something no longer fits. Maybe it will again someday. Maybe not.
It’s out of season.
I’m going to hold onto that line, I think, as a reminder that letting go can be both temporary and completely without judgment.
Also: there is never an everyone. Everyone is not doing anything.
The best thing about the Internet is that you can always find someone who is in a similar season (even if they don’t know it’s temporary) and you can remember that you aren’t a freak. You might have to go looking for that reminder – depending on how deeply ensconced you were in your last season or the story of you being a freak – but the reassurance is always just a few clicks away.
I asked on the Facebook page what season people were in, and I got four different answers from the first three people who responded.
What season are you in right now? Do you feel in sync with what’s happening around you, or like you’re in a season of your own? Feel free to share in the comments or jump into our Facebook conversation.