A need for food and water.
A total disdain for the unknown.
These are just a few of the things that make me human.
(Incidentally yes, I did love the $25,000 Pyramid.)
It is completely normal that I hate living under a cloud of uncertainty. I’m having to remind myself of that about every five minutes right now in order to avoid making any stupid or rash decisions.
My family has decided to move this August. We’re staying in Pittsburgh – and hopefully right in our neighborhood – but it’s time we upgraded to a place with a dishwasher and on-site laundry. (How we’ve survived living with two children and no laundry for this long is both mystery and miracle.) It’s also time we moved to a place where the owner isn’t constantly on the fence about whether or not this will be the year he moves back in for a little bit and lets us know at the last minute.
So, we’re moving. And now that we’ve lived here for a few years we have a better idea of exactly what we want. We know how may bedrooms, bathrooms, and major appliances we need to be comfortable.
Good job, us! Knowing what you want is half the battle!
- Our lease isn’t up until August.
- We live in a very competitive rental market.
That means I’m actively shopping now but I have no idea if something better will come along between now and our target move date.
I saw a great townhouse this morning. It has the modern kitchen and basement, and it does not look like a place four graduate students who hate each other would live. The only thing missing is the second bathroom that we’ve grown accustomed to.
Do I jump on it? Do I wait?
My struggle, I realize, is less about understanding the local real estate market and more about how much I let my fear of the unknown control me.
I want to spend all of my free time pouring over real estate ads. I want to throw myself into finding a solution until said solution is found. I want to make a decision, sign on the dotted line, and put a nice tidy bow on the future as soon as possible – all so I can banish uncertainty from our lives.
But I do not make decisions based on fear.
This is one of the most important parts of my mission statement.
I intentionally choose to be brave.
Right now what that looks like is intentionally choosing to live under the dark cloud of the unknown for as long as necessary. It means resisting the urge to jump on something I feel meh or almost excited about just because I want to be done being uncertain.
I know this isn’t the kind of bravery that equates to heroics. I am not saving anyone’s life or risking anything important.
I am just making a conscious choice to acknowledge my fear and not let it drive.
That’s requiring a lot of deep breaths and inner pep talks.
(I think it’s clear I am not cut out for any job requiring actual heroism or fearlessness.)