The words that come out of your mouth are a good indication of what’s going on in your head. Some words are signals that you’re hiding – behind fears, behind stories you tell yourself, behind old habits.
It’s not because you’re bad. It’s because that’s what we do.
We lie to ourselves to protect us from a truth we think we can’t handle.
You have no control.
You’re a fraud. You’re unworthy.
You’re doing it wrong.
These are the lies we hide from. But the longer you hide, the more power those beliefs have.
The best way to disprove the lies is to drag them into the light, to let yourself be vulnerable and authentic in your head and in your relationships.
Look for the clues. Listen for the signs that you’re wading through garbage in your own head.
“I feel like…”
You’re not saying how you feel, you’re saying what you think. There’s a difference.
You say “I feel like you’re going to leave.” What you really mean is, “I think you’re going to leave.” What you might feel is scared or helpless.
The worst part of “I feel like…” is that it’s usually used when you are really making an effort to communicate. You’re trying to open yourself up, but you’re only getting as far as your head.
Should means you’re being guided by outside influences without stopping to think about your own values and priorities.
Should is pretending you’re a victim of obligation instead of embracing your choices.
Don’t should on anyone else either.
No one always does anything.
The words always and never rob you of perspective and make you forget that everything is temporary. Always turns disagreements into unsolvable problems. Always makes it easy to bully yourself for missteps.
Forget about always and never. Take a right-now sized bite out of it.
“You make me so…”
Not happy, not sad, not angry.
No one makes you feel anything.
You might feel sad when something happens, but that emotional reaction is entirely about you and your view of the world. It’s a result of your buttons being pushed, buttons that are unique to you and your history.
Often there’s a story you tell yourself between his action and your feeling. The story is your fear. The story is the lie.
The story can be rewritten.
What are the stories you’re making up about yourself?