How to Stop Shoulding on Yourself And Still Be a Grown Up (VIDEO)

Thursday, November 21st, 2013

I often tell women to stop shoulding on themselves. I stole this turn of phrase from my friend Becky and it always makes me giggle when people look at me half disgusted by what they think they might have heard.

Should. Not shit.

But I suggest that shoulding on yourself is just as bad.

What does it mean to should on yourself? It means being guided by what you think you should do instead of what you want to do or what you value.

But don’t all of us – if we want to be responsible adults – have to give in to should now and then?

I don’t think so, and I explain why in this short video.

What do you think?

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  1. Leah Pullin says:

    Never realized I was shoulding myself. Glad to have the different perspective! Definitely going to align my motivation more with my core values instead of the mundane and dreaded “should”s. Thanks!

  2. I love the example of “should go to the gym.” I think focusing on goals and values as you say, really could help reframe something that seems annoying into something that is actually important and remind us why it’s important.

    I’ve been trying to look at things this way for a little while, but I’ve never heard it put this way. It really helps to focus my efforts. Thanks for sharing!
    Ryan Bonaparte’s most recent post: Crazy Enough To Try: Now in Paperback!

    • Miss Britt says:

      Of course the flip side of that example is that when you (I) have to admit that I’m not going to the gym because it’s really not that important to me right now.

      • That’s exactly where I’m at now. Or rather it is important, but there are other things that are more important and urgent. And I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. Even if it’s sleep or doing laundry that’s more important.

        If that continues to happen, however, then I have to reevaluate if I’m overcommitting myself. But in the meantime, I’m ok with adjusting priorities in life from time to time.
        Ryan Bonaparte’s most recent post: Crazy Enough To Try: Now in Paperback!

  3. jb says:

    i think when you menion resentment/should together you really hit the nail on the head. if I say I should do laundry today, it makes me frustrated about what I am not doing. if I say I want to get the laundry done so we can do xyz, the whole tone of the internal dialoge changes. thanks – nice video!

  4. Farra says:

    I enkoyed this post and watching the video, it gives a reminder of that we shouldnt.
    Farra’s most recent post: Causes Of Anxiety

  5. […] But it is currently a challenge for me, and I don’t should on myself. […]

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