Me, Myself, and My Money Issues

I have never had an easy relationship with money. When I was a kid and my family was very poor, I thought of little more than how much it sucked to have so little of it. When I was a little older and my family was less poor, I hated that my mom wouldn’t allow us to spend more of it. Since becoming an adult, I’ve been constantly afraid that I would once again not have enough.

The topic of money has been coming up in my life a lot lately. My income has become more erratic than I’d like, Jared and I have discussed the multiple ways we let money (and our issues surrounding it) affect our decision making, Faiqa and I have talked about how money affects the way people treat each other, and a commenter on a another blog even mentioned my finances yesterday.

It seems it’s time for me to make peace with my money issues.

I’m not sure where to begin.

The realization that it is money that could prevent me from achieving the life I want makes me angry. It makes me angry at those who have been fortunate enough to be born into or accumulate enough wealth for an apartment in Manhattan. It makes me resentful at destiny for leaving me without. It makes me ashamed for dreaming outside my income bracket.

At the same time, the idea of running out of money terrifies me. I’m afraid not only of the physical consequences of going without, but of the social and emotional ramifications of failing. I’m afraid of being judged a failure, irresponsible, and somehow less than those that did not fail.

I’m afraid of that moment when you know that you cannot make a purchase because you do not have the resources. It makes my stomach turn and my heart pound. It makes me simultaneously angry, frightened, and sad. The instant of denial quickly balloons into the threat of a lifetime of suffering. I’ve gone to ridiculous lengths to stave off that feeling in the past.

I realized recently that I had accumulated most of my possessions — the shoes, the household decor, the ill-fitting clothes and imitation bags — not out of a desire to have, but out of a need to acquire. Buying things — the physical act of making a purchase — made me feel safe. It made me feel like I was in control. It provided me with a sense of security that was often missing from a tumultuous childhood.

Keeping things was merely a way to justify having bought them in the first place. Getting rid of things that weren’t being used was an acknowledgment of my weakness, it was admitting that I had consumed for reasons other than need, which triggers an entirely separate issue I have with money:

Frivolous spending leads to poverty and insecurity.

Since I was 16 and going on weekly shopping trips with my best friend, using the money I earned waitressing to fill my closet with my own symbols of security, I have been relying on quantity to make up for a lack of quality. I have hunted ruthlessly for the bargain in order to calm my guilt about shopping. I have also used frugality to allow me to acquire more items with less money, an easy way to bolster my confidence and sense of security. I was, in a sense, addicted to the transaction and desperate to find ways to get more bangs out of each buck.

I can’t do it anymore.

My fear of money has become exhausting. I’m tired of the limitations it puts on my life. I’m tired of the influence that fear has over my future. It has begun to taint every move I make.

For the first time in a long time, I’m dependent on savings on a monthly basis. Instead of the usual hoarding of cash that I do — a habit that adds to my sense of security — I’m taking money away from our nest egg every single month. This was technically the plan, but in the back of my mind I had hoped that something would happen that would allow us to travel without depleting that savings. I’d hoped I’d be able to work hard enough, earn enough so that I wouldn’t actually have to use the savings we’d set aside for this trip.

Living on savings, even if it was planned, is scaring the crap out of me. Add to that the fact that I’m not getting my regular shopping transaction fix, that I have no idea what our financial future looks like, and that other people have discussed my family’s finances publicly on multiple occasions, and it’s no wonder that my issues with money are finally coming to a head.

Unfortunately, I’m not sure yet how to resolve them. The fear is swollen at the surface like puss, but I can’t seem to find the right angle that will release it. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other right now, acting as if money and I are right with each other, trying to move with the fear instead of because of it. I’m desperate for genuine relief.

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  1. Dick Carlson says:

    You have amazing courage to be able to write about this. Money is by far the scariest thing in most people’s lives, including mine. And even though I’m several hundred years older, I still have those same problems. While my wife has a “real job”, I go from contract to contract — and lately, that distance has become much further than I’d like. It’s really hard not to believe that this somehow relates to my self-worth, or that I’ll never have money again, or that I’ll end up on the street with a little cardboard sign and three hungry pugs.

    I don’t know that there are answers. What helps me are to remember the worst times — when the money HAS run out, when there HAVEN’T been any options — and see that we’ve gotten through it. And that the flush times weren’t really any better. We just had more “things” laying around.

    But I doubt that helps, all that much.

    • Miss Britt says:

      Actually, it’s exactly this that helps when it’s time to make major decisions – like selling what we had for a fraction of what we paid for it and taking a year off “real life” to travel. I did my worst case scenario and imagined being broke and figured it was worth it.

      It’s the bit about it being tied to self worth that messes with me in the short term.

  2. Trust me, as someone who has been homeless not once, but TWICE, you are doing great! You’ve made great strides and you’re gonna be alright. :)

  3. Nanna says:

    First, I love how the commenter you mentioned was “anonymous”. No respect from this quarter for that bullshit. Second, it strikes me that someone else’s insinuation, basically, that you aren’t “poor enough” brings up so many conflicting feelings for you.

    Honey, be still. Money is like some weird stream that rages at some points in our lives and trickles in others. It’s just seasonal. It doesn’t change anything else. You don’t have to be “more poor” to satisfy anyone – you’ve been down that road. You don’t have to make more money to be secure. You’re honestly doing fine.

    I promise, baby.

  4. Becca says:

    This is wonderfully written and I think there are many more of us that fight this battle than we would admit. Thank you for speaking so honestly.

  5. Nanna says:

    I’m back. Because I’m pissed. Britter, the Pursuit of Happiness has nothing to do with money. It has to do with seeking a genuine life, whereby you live according to the values and the swan song that is sung for YOU, not for anyone else. And by God, with the sale of antidepressants in the billions, with people treating their despair with addictions to this, that and everything else, there is NOTHING. MORE. IMPORTANT. than finding your own path. OF COURSE you wrestle with the issue of money, because a) you know the fear of living without it, b) the shame of living without it, and 3) everyone else has their own convoluted issues surrounding it, like our friend “Anonymous”.

    Have faith. You are more real and honest and willing to stare fear in the face more than anyone else I know. You’ll make your peace with this. Believe that. K?

  6. Nyt says:

    Ahh, the dirty little secret that is MONEY. I think everyone has some kind of neurosis about money. You are not alone. I think we have a hard time in this society deciding for ourselves what is “enough”. We spend an awful lot of time deciding who has too much and too much energy wondering and resenting the fact that we don’t have what the other guy does. We spend way too much of our precious personal resources counting up the things we don’t have instead of celebrating what we do have. Instead of learning about money (really, how many people do you know that can adapt and grow financially?) we bemoan our place in the “order” of things. We literally stand in our own way. Money is nothing more than a tool and it is up to each individual to learn how to use it.

    As for the commenter? He/she has a point. (so don’t agree with the anon thing) You consciously traded a level of security for adventure. It can seem rather disingenuous to then put forth the “you can do without” kind of post. Even though I get it, I can see how others wouldn’t. There are too many people these days doing without, too many people who never had the opportunity to make the conscious choice, too many people who are standing on the razor’s edge.

    • Miss Britt says:

      I think it’s interesting what you said about our place in the order of things. I think that’s definitely more what tangles people up than a number in a bank account. It’s not the money, per say, but all the things that money has come to represent for our society.

  7. Naomi Davis says:

    I so identify with the growing up poor and bad relationship to money thing. The most freeing for me was to realize that money is neutral. It’s not how much you have, but how you steward it. It’s about sowing (into one thing) and reaping (from another). Not buying and selling, but sowing and reaping. Where your treasure is, there your heart will follow. That is how we humans are made. I love that you changed where you put your treasure. Is this journey not because you want to steward your life well? Looks to me like your money issues are well on their way to being resolved. I’m sure you are learning daily to distinguish want from need. The bread you have been given to eat from the seed you have been given to sow. Be encouraged. Ask the difficult questions. The peace in the aftermath of being free from fear is so sweet…

    • Miss Britt says:

      I have been turning your comment over and over in my head all day, especially the sowing and reaping. I feel like there’s an epiphany for me somewhere in there…

  8. the muskrat says:

    Y’all are living on what the median income in our country was for 2010 (maybe $1k below it, but still), yet y’all have significantly less debt (none, I think) than what’s typical here and no housing payment. So, while it’s going to be tight, I certainly don’t think you’re in danger of suffering or starving or having to move to Mexico to live in piles of garbage by the side of the highway.

    I can identify with the pulling from savings each month, as that’s how we lived for 6 months in 2009 after I quit my job. I kept believing we would be okay, and we were. We got closer to one another, to God, and we learned to enjoy entertainment that was, in essence, free.

    I’ve also found that remembering trips to other parts of the world where “normal” is really poor helps give perspective on these types of fears, as does volunteering time and money to the less fortunate here in the U.S. Being content (which differs from settling) takes work in this country, but I think it’s a worthwhile continuous endeavor.

    • all good points and reminders, esp your first paragraph.

    • Miss Britt says:

      You know, with few exceptions, we’ve spent a significant amount of our time in the last few months with people who have more money than we do. That’s not BAD, but it definitely has triggered many of my insecurities, especially about what I imagine people who have think about people who have less.

  9. Hockeymandad says:

    Dammit Britt, as I was reading this and nodding along with your words I was waiting for the section of tips and advice that never came! Did you forget to publish that part? UGH!

    There isn’t a subject of adult life that affects me more than this one. I grew up very much the same as you did regarding what my parents had and it had a profound affect on how I am today, perhaps not in a good way either. Nothing causes me greater stress, worry, or fear more than this topic. I hope someday you can do a follow up with that section of “what worked for you” someday because I’m very interested in all ideas. Perhaps we just need to read the Sneetches again and focus on the Sneetches instead of the little entrepreneur and his brilliant idea for the stars that led him away with truckloads of cash. Haha. Little bastard.

  10. Allyson says:

    Britt, I feel like I understand this post more than I thought I would with a title like “Me, Myself, and…”
    I also am more addicted to the transaction of buying than the having of stuff. And, I set aside money in my savings account to spend on vacations, new computers, new car – the big purchases. And each time I have to actually transfer the money out of my savings to pay for the items that I saved for? I feel my throat close up, my heart pounding, and the vision goes a little blurry. I, too, always imagine that somehow we’ll be able to miraculously pay for those things without the money specifically set aside.

    My relief comes in the form of a few breaths. Talking it out with my husband, who reminds me that we planned it this way, and just because the number in our savings account is going down instead of up, right now, doesn’t mean that it will be that way forever. And I look at my budget. We recently pushed our budget out for a year’s worth of income and bills, pay by pay, and I can see very distinctly when the tight times are coming, and when the flush times will be here, too. And while I know that life happens, and Murphy’s Law is always lurking, it reminds me that it’s all a big cycle. There will be lean times, and fat times, and allowing the panic to set in is of no use.

    While typing this, my husband came out of his office, and pointed out that what you and I are doing, saving for things before we pay for them, is not how our society has been raising us. We’ve been raised that you get what you want now, and set up a payment plan after. We’ve been told that savings is the security blanket for the rainy day. But, in fact, you and I are doing it “right.” Living with credit card debt, and second (or third) mortgages, is how we came to this sinking economy as a whole. And for everything you pay for outright, you’re saving a ton in interest payments (which unfortunately, do not show up as numbers in your bank balance).

    Keep on keepin’ on, Britt. Like Nyt said, money is a tool. Use it to accomplish your dreams, but waste no energy trying to form a relationship with it. It will never love you back.

  11. Carly says:

    I too am addicted to the transaction, and I also buy lots of stuff cheap. I am a huge fan of thrifting. Then I will purge, realize I own mostly junk, my clothes are crappy and start to think I should spend more for less stuff that will “last.” I go ’round and ’round! My husband rains down disapproval every time I bring a bag home from Goodwill. It makes me feel like complete sh*t. Like I’m wasting my money. Even though last time I brought home toys for the kids, 3 pairs of name brand jeans for myself, and name brand clothes for the kids while spending HALF of what I would have spent for ONE pair of jeans at the mall.
    I also have similar thoughts and feelings regarding dreaming outside of my tax bracket.
    So, I have never lived on the brink as you and countless others have. But the way I keep my fears from controlling me is I remember that many people live with with so much less than I have. It also helps me that one of the few things I can own about myself is that I am resourceful. The one thing I feel confident about is that I could make it work and eventually pull us out of a trough. I know that in and of itself probably doesn’t help you. But my opinion of you, from what I’ve read and seen is that you have the same, if not greater resourcefulness and drive that I have. I get the impression that you are a planner. Perhaps some number crunching and a reevaluation of your safety nets would help you recharge the courage that led you to hit the road in the first place.

    • Miss Britt says:

      I do consider myself pretty resourceful, and that helps me be afraid of things like starving and homelessness. I don’t actually worry about that.

      I worry about being seen as a failure. I worry about my husband being disappointed because my crazy idea cost us all our money.

      Wow – I think that’s the first time I’ve put that one into words.

  12. Darla says:

    Britt, ya gotta pass this test. Once you do the next tests will get easier and easier. If you don’t pass the test the next ones will get harder and harder. You are at what one might call a perfect storm. I’ll be praying for you!

  13. As someone who has been financially crushed many times, I understand your struggle. It’s not an easy one, but one you do have to work through.

    My blog originally started as a place for me to sort through a lot of my pain and questions after our family became temporarily homeless. It was a devastating time, but in retrospect, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the strength I gained from it.

    Not all lessons are fun and pretty to learn. Sometimes the process and pursuit of happiness can lead us through some really ugly places. But the appreciation you have of the view when you finally get there is amazing, and I wish for you to experience it as well.

    xo

  14. sandra says:

    The great thing about all of this, despite the stress, is that it’s a matter of doing financially what you’ve been doing in general for the last year or so — prioritizing. If you’re dreaming outside your income bracket and those dreams matter to you to the point where not achieving them will make your life less than what you want it to be, then change your income bracket. It might not happen right away, but it’s doable. Just a matter of deciding what the trade-off is. Destiny has very little to do with financial success; it’s all about deciding what matters to you and putting the time into making that a priority.

    • Miss Britt says:

      You are absolutely right.

      This sounds silly, but I’ve been saying for a few weeks that I want to write down my goals and priorities to help me focus. I think that might help.

      • sandra says:

        Totally. And once you think through the steps you need to take to get where you want to be, it’s doable. For me, having a little (read: under a few K) bit of debt — even though that isn’t ideal if you ask a financial advisor — is a fine trade-off for being occasionally able to splurge on something I don’t ‘need’, and having savings in the meantime.

  15. leanne says:

    Ah, money. It’s great when you have it, and it’s less than great when you don’t. And either way, it seems there’s never enough of it.

    I have my own money issues, ones that stem from my childhood. My parents had money once upon a time, and then they didn’t. And it scared me. So much so that I worry about having enough money a lot. So mostly I’m more likely to save, rather than spend, which can be helpful. And yet my decisions haven’t always been the best. I put off big purchases because spending large sums of money scared me — even if the purchase was a good idea/investment. In some cases I would buy cheap things, things that wouldn’t last. I’m slowly coming around to the fact that quality costs money.

    But I still love hunting for bargains for my kids — especially for their clothes. And especially online. Almost too much. And I really need to watch that. While my kids DO need clothes, I’m getting close to overdoing it. It’s almost good that Christmas is coming because I’ve stopped buying clothes and have started thinking about their presents (and I keep that simple — under the tree it’s just a toy and a book from Santa and a toy and a book from mom and dad — I like balancing the toys/games with a book — and then a few simple stocking stuffers, one of which is traditionally an ornament).

    Oh, and I loved what Allyson said about having a relationship with money — that it will never love you back. Yes.

  16. Megan says:

    Oh honey… I feel the same way. I don’t believe we had the same money struggles you did growing up, but we did have them in a big way. Mostly I was sheltered (or so it seems) from them, but they have affected a ton of my life decisions, from my college major to my career jpaths.

    That first thing? About money preventing you from acheiving the life I want? That. Unfortunately I’ve come to realize what’s necessary to have that amount of money has zero to do with what makes me happy. What’s that about?

    If you figure this out, let me know. ;)

  17. fiwa says:

    Thank you for putting into words exactly how I have felt about money and not having enough of it over the years. Also, bargain shopping and shopping frugally so you could still have the fix -I’m right there with you. I grew up in the shadow of Johnson Space Center with kids whose parents went to the moon and brought it back for their children – new sports cars every year and the like. My dad was a blue collar worker and I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. It rubbed, and it still does. I think, like someone else said, it helps to think about “what is the worst that could happen?”. You will be ok. You and Jared have the internal strength to make it no matter what life hands you. You have a support net, you have friends and family. Hang in there and keep on living your dream. Someone posted a great quote on FB the other day. Sorry, I don’t know who said this but I’ve been trying to repeat this to myself on a daily basis: “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

    • Miss Britt says:

      “If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”

      SO true. I have definitely struggled with living in the future this past month.

  18. Cat says:

    Money is so, so, so strange. Most people are more comfortable talking about their sex lives than talking, really talking about money- so kudos to you for bringing it on girlfriend!

    I have one friend who has never had to work. She is from a multi-multi million dollar family. She does not live an extravagant lifestyle. She gets a new car every year or two and lives in a nice house but not crazy nice. At any rate, she is very messed up about money. She is miserly in some ways and worries about it as much as many with much more serious money worries. I have learned a lot, watching her. It is not about how much you have.

    I have been very poor, on food stamps with two young children. It does remove a lot of certain kinds of choices. I am very lucky to have a good education and to love to read, to have health and be able to appreciate going outside – because those are things that do not cost a much in this country if you can get to libraries and parks. At any rate, I would not switch places with my rich friend. Seriously. Not for a million dollars. ; )

  19. gonna write this over at that blog you linked to…

    dropped my cable tv access around spring in an effort to save over $100 a month, but it forced my ass off the couch and into the nicer weather so i don’t feel i am doing without. come winter i’ll probably find more time for reading or my beloved internet so it still won’t feel like i am sacrificing in order to pay the mortgage.
    i don’t buy soda because it is TERRIBLE for the human body and i choose to drink water or juices. that choice makes me feel like i am not doing without in order to add more pennies to the mortgage payment.
    i don’t buy bottled water on any sort of regular basis because i HATE the waste of those individual bottles. instead i use a 32 ounce (bpa free!) refillable bottle that cost approximately what four little bottles would cost. i’ve had a few for well over 12 years and use them daily. so again, i don’t feel that i am doing without in order to make the mortgage payment.

    i guess basically i am saying i make an effort to train my brain that my actions are what i want. that i would prefer dinner with family or friends in the comfort of a warm, loving home instead of out at the latest raved about restaurant that considers a bite of meat and three baby carrots fancy. guess i am saying that i am happy with the choices that i make and fuck the haters who judge me based on them. kinda goes back to i really don’t care what others think of me and the way i live my life.

  20. also, i am totally loving the comment that sandra wrote. priorities, bay-bee. we all have em. i’ll eat ramen noodles for a week to ensure i can buy a $50 bag of dog food for louie. he is a priority to me. wouldn’t expect others to do the same. not gonna judge them for spending $200 on shoes that they love the hell outta.

  21. Money is the thing that most of us keep closest to the vest. I’m so proud of you for writing this!

    I’ve had money issues my entire life, as well. For me, working with Mint.com has been transformative. Partly, it’s the simple fact that the mint interface is so pretty and optimistic, it makes money seem more fun! It also helps me understand my budget, set goals for myself, and feel like I’m in control. For most of my life, it felt as though money was in control of me.

    Amber once wrote that she thought that there was plenty of money in the world, and all she had to do was figure out how to get some. (She said it so much better than that, but I can’t find it, and my paraphrasing is awful.) Somehow, that helped: realizing that there was lots of money in the world, and I could get some of it was SO MUCH easier than thinking that I had to MAKE it. It’s a small psychological shift, but it made a world of difference to me.

  22. jude says:

    I was wondering when this topic was gonna hit. Remember you wanted less”stuff” in the first place that started this entire ordeal. Now its time to live with less “stuff” and be happy about your choice to do so. Keep us informed. thanks. florida.

  23. Lisa says:

    I struggle with money issues too. Working in the construction industry in the state hardest hit by the recession has made me hyper aware of how quickly things can turn. I am trying to go with the flow, but I admit it’s really hard for me to be zen about it. From the comments I see here I can see that I am by no means alone in that, and neither are you.

    You’re always so brave in your writing to tackle subjects that make people uncomfortable to talk about, and then you get them talking about it. I love that about you.

  24. Mama Bub says:

    Is there someone without money issues out there? I would like to meet them and have them teach me something. I have money issues, too, that are probably too complicated, or too tied up in other people for me to discuss on the internet, but I get all of this.

    However, I do want to say that I read that other comment on the other blog and I take issue with what was said. We DO live in excess, most of the time. We earn $10, we spend $11. So anyone, even someone who doesn’t “have to” taking steps to cut out some of the excess, is entitled to do so! And, I think applauding someone who doesn’t “HAVE TO” makes sense!

  25. Judy says:

    I have never read more insightful words about money as yours. You have such a clear vision of how money makes us feel. The guilt, the insecurity, the feeling of control… it’s all there. You should write a book or teach a class about this!

  26. Sodapop says:

    You put into words so many emotions and thoughts I have about money on a daily basis. I struggle with it. I fight the fear, I fight the pattern I’ve gotten into and yet, I continue doing it. I’ve scaled way back in the last year and I’m so over analyzing about it, I’m looking at ways to cut back even more. It’s a fear I try to deal with daily.

    Thank you for putting that into such beautifully written words.

    And just so ya know, I think you’re doing fantastic and are very courageous for putting this out here for us to share with you. Thank you.

  27. Jack says:

    I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I grew up in an upper middle class home. We certainly weren’t rich but we weren’t anything close to poor either. Had there been fewer kids there would have been more cash to pass around, but that is not really here nor there.

    I share that more as a point of reference. I never worried about having food or clothes. They weren’t designer but they weren’t hand me downs either. I also grew up with very affluent friends, relatives and neighbors so I often felt like I had less.

    A decade ago I made almost five times what I am making now. Bought a house, a car (it was a Honda) did some traveling and enjoyed a nice lifestyle.

    Between economic changes more children, private school and life things changed dramatically for my family. Had to make some hard decisions and a lot of big changes. But the advantage is that it helped confirm my thoughts/ideas/values in some areas. I know very specifically what I want and what I need.

    The distinction between those two things is important and quite useful.

  28. Melanie says:

    Ya know, it’s money. Just a piece of paper. It doesn’t buy your happiness.

    You are living your American Dream. Some people are trying to figure out how to feed their kids tonight. Those are the scared ones.

  29. Robin says:

    I echo everyone else’s sentiments, so I am just going to be a fan girl and say I love what you wrote here. :)

  30. Liz says:

    Like someone else said, you’ve got a lot of guts for being able to admit this.

    It terrifies me to not have enough, too. I grew up with just enough. My parents never owned a house, but we never went without the necessities. I don’t want to repeat the same life for my future children, though. Still, I find myself struggling here in my early twenties, and I just don’t understand why I can’t find the stability I want. I’m trying, though.

    I think that’s what’s important: trying. Britt, you’re taking a huge risk every month, and of course that’s terrifying. But you’re still trying. You’re not giving up. That’s what matters.

  31. Love you so much, Britt, and love your honesty in this post. I too struggle with the money thing from time to time, and I think it takes an incredibly self-aware person like yourself to see some of the roots and desire change. Love you, chica!

  32. Hello Britt, thanks for your very truthful post. Let me tell you something about money.1. it has nothing to do with happiness. As a private duty nurse I worked for the filthy rich in Manhattan and later in Fairfiend County including Greenwich. In the beginning I was envious. Many of my patients had millions some even billions. But they were NOT happy at all. I only had my salary as a registered nurse, but I had peace and I was able to pay all my bills. They could not understand why I was content. MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING. Material items will not give you inner peace. I hope I don’t sound to preachy.

  33. Rita Arens says:

    Hello, my name is Rita, and I’m afraid of transactions. Nothing makes me want to throw up more than spending more than $20. Which is a problem, say, every time I go to the grocery store. I don’t know why I have this problem. I’ll go to ridiculous lengths not to spend money even if I have it if it’s in an increment over $20. I even went eight months without my wedding ring (even though, in my defense, I was really just hoping I would find it) after it was lost. It made me physically ill I’d lost something I cared about, yes, but also that was so expensive to replace. I can’t even handle the little debit card thing that says “Is $47.89 OK?” or whatever, because I’m always thinking, well NO, it’s not OKAY, but it’s what it COSTS, ARGH.

    This has also led me to the problem of taking on more work than I can reasonably do. There was one point at which I had a full-time corporate contract job, two side freelancing jobs, I was teaching a class at a community college and I had a baby. I couldn’t say no to any job because I was so worried about money — we were living on savings because since I was a contractor, I had no maternity leave income.

    I’m working on realizing it’s anxiety and not money that’s giving me problems and treating the anxiety instead.

  34. What an awesome post Britt, and so transparent in your feelings yet again. I just attended a money conference for women this past weekend. The opening speaker was amazing, (Karen Lee) she said we’d rather discuss our sex lives than our money, relationship with and lack of. It is so true! I am proud of you for standing up to your fears. Exposing them is the surest way to rid yourself of them.
    Big hugs!
    Bernice
    Am I depressed, or just stressed?

  35. We are having serious money troubles of our own. It is no fun at all! Thanks for being honest about yours.

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