For the first time since I began freelance writing a few years ago, I’m having a slow month.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that I’m usually working too much, battling too many deadlines too close to the wire. I work a lot; it’s just what I do. And now all of a sudden there isn’t much work to be done.
Let me take this moment to point out that I am currently my family’s sole income provider.
I’ve been nervous. I’ve been worried. I’ve been afraid that the world is going to end and all of my dreams are going to fall down around my ears. All this despite the fact that we’re still technically well within our budget for the year, a budget that actually allowed for me to make significantly less while we were traveling. But budgets be damned, I seem to have a natural inclination to worry about money, a stubborn refusal to accept when enough is enough.
I decided a couple days ago that we did, in fact, have enough. We planned and scrimped and saved so that we would be able to enjoy this year, and I’m going to let that be enough.
I’m choosing to embrace the extra time I have right now as a gift. I will not panic and make decisions out of fear, wasting away my days with desperation and half-assed efforts at living.
I have faith that the right opportunities will arise as long as I continue to make choices that are in line with my priorities and truest dreams. I will not run from the path I have set myself on, the path that allows me to say yes when those opportunities arise.
Enough, damn it. Enough.
I am enough. I have enough. And I will enjoy every last ounce of it for as long as I can without clogging up my joy with unnecessary doubts about far away futures.
Today I am enough.