Today I Choose Enough

Petroville 037

For the first time since I began freelance writing a few years ago, I’m having a slow month.

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you know that I’m usually working too much, battling too many deadlines too close to the wire. I work a lot; it’s just what I do. And now all of a sudden there isn’t much work to be done.

Let me take this moment to point out that I am currently my family’s sole income provider.

I’ve been nervous. I’ve been worried. I’ve been afraid that the world is going to end and all of my dreams are going to fall down around my ears. All this despite the fact that we’re still technically well within our budget for the year, a budget that actually allowed for me to make significantly less while we were traveling. But budgets be damned, I seem to have a natural inclination to worry about money, a stubborn refusal to accept when enough is enough.

No more.

I decided a couple days ago that we did, in fact, have enough. We planned and scrimped and saved so that we would be able to enjoy this year, and I’m going to let that be enough.

I’m choosing to embrace the extra time I have right now as a gift. I will not panic and make decisions out of fear, wasting away my days with desperation and half-assed efforts at living.

I have faith that the right opportunities will arise as long as I continue to make choices that are in line with my priorities and truest dreams. I will not run from the path I have set myself on, the path that allows me to say yes when those opportunities arise.

Enough, damn it. Enough.

I am enough. I have enough. And I will enjoy every last ounce of it for as long as I can without clogging up my joy with unnecessary doubts about far away futures.

Today I am enough.

Are you?

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  1. Suzy says:

    “Money always shows up when you need it.” ~ Louise Hay.

    I know she’s right, I’ve seen it manifest in my own life AND I STILL FREAK OUT OVER IT!

  2. Li-ling says:

    This post resonates with me. We have chosen to live with decisions that sometimes means financially we are a bit tight, but we have been living each day to the fullest – of course there are always ways of improving, but to live in gratitude for all you have every day is an amazing experience. All the very best to you and your family! What a lifetime experience you’re on.

  3. Hey I have no debts that are outstanding, that I am proud of.

  4. Megan says:

    Right now? No. I am not enough.

    But you? I’m thrilled that you realize that you are and that you’re embracing your down time. Enjoy the hell out of it.

  5. yaaaaaaaaay for no decisions out of fear!

  6. You go girl. You have planned and worked it all out, now enjoy it!

  7. I swear we share a brain – I’ve had to write about this several times to get out of the “cycle of lack” and back into a “cycle of abundance.” I can’t talk myself out of the “not enoughs” – writing seems to be the only thing that works.

  8. Annabelle says:

    I would give anything to find the ability to feel like I am enough. Doing enough at work and home, being a good enough wife and mother.

    I feel so far short of enough, it is crippling me.

  9. Momma says:

    Ah! What a gift you’ve given yourself!

  10. and *BAM* once again you hit me square between the eyes!

    I was just having this discussion this morning. The conversation started because of this constant fear and worry I have about the other shoe dropping. For the last 15 yrs I lived with that as a reality in an unstable marriage/home environment. Despite being in an entirely different and stable relationship and environment now, I still try to fall back into that feeling of worry and fear…

    I had this reminder given to me earlier, so imagine my jaw dropping to the floor when I open my reader and find this nugget that you wrote.

    I think someone is trying to tell me something.


  11. Darla says:

    I had a slow month last month, Britt and I so understand when you say “it’s just what I do”. ME TOO! ya know what tho? I could never have worked the normal hours I do and attend 20 hours of baseball a week that my son played and I adore watching me some baseball. God’s gift indeed.

  12. Rita says:

    For years I have bitched about not having enough time. The demands of my demanding job. I have dreamed of having more time, of having more balance, of having just a little bit of room to pursue things that feel more true to who I am. At the end of the school year, I found out that my job will be reduced 26% come September. I am working hard to stay out of fear, to see this as the gift I know it to be. I now have one day a week I didn’t have before to pursue those things I always wanted. I also have less money. But I’m pretty sure I have enough. I understand exactly where you are. Most days I’m in a place of gratitude and hope. But some days, the fear creeps in. Thanks for helping me shoo it back out.

  13. the muskrat says:

    Nope. I’m never enough. Maybe next year. Doesn’t the Chinese calendar proclaim 2012 as the Year of the Muskrat? If it doesn’t, it should.

  14. naomi says:

    Damn proud of you girl! You are totally enough … good for you for making choices today (and yesterday) that are “in line with your priorities”

    Yep – you are one smart chick! Your family is blessed to have you.

  15. [...] to a light work schedule, we had ample time to explore the city last week. We also had a VIP access pass from the local [...]

  16. [...] the last few weeks, I’ve found that over and over again my life is enriched by slowing down. Traveling more slowly. Working more slowly. Doing less with my time has left me more satisfied at [...]

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