What Do We Deserve? Letting Go of Guilt

Thanks to vehicle issues and too much time to think, I spent an inordinate amount of time wrestling old demons this weekend. The beginning of our grand adventure has been, to say the least, different than we imagined it would be.

On Wednesday we pulled out of our driveway at about 2 pm after spending the morning on last minute errands and packing. We were headed to Amelia Island, Florida, where we’d camp at a state park and spend Thursday checking out the daytime activities available at The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island. On Friday we would head north for Georgia to spend a week at a family summer camp at Callaway Gardens. We had a full schedule of work-related and yet totally awesome things to do during our first 10 days on the road.

Our SUV started making a horrible noise at about 4 pm.

On Wednesday.

The first day.

We made it to Fort Clinch State Park an unloaded the camper, resigned to wait until the morning to investigate the horrible noise further. The next morning, Jared took the kids and me to the Ritz and headed off to find a mechanic. He returned with a rental car in the afternoon, ready to join us for dinner and confident the car would be ready the next morning.

His cell phone did not ring the next morning. After waiting until noon for the promised call, we piled into the rental and headed for the repair shop, where we were told our front end would be fixed within a couple hours. Several hours, headaches, and $780 later, we pulled out of the repair shop at about 5pm to make our way to Georgia.

At about 5:05pm, our SUV started making the exact same horrible noise.

Jared was crestfallen. I watched as stress, worry, and unnecessary guilt played across his face, stretching and twitching his jaw. I squeezed his hand and assured him everything would be fine, and I picked up the phone to find a nearby campground. With one phone call, we were able to find a small RV lot just a few miles down the road, with full hookups and internet for just $27 a night, where we can hunker down and wait for our car to be repaired by a more reliable repair shop in Jacksonville.

“See, it’s ok,” I told Jared as we pulled into our temporary home.

But what I was thinking was, “this is because I was bad.”

I thought of all the people who are sitting in the wings, waiting to hear about my failure. I envisioned a cloud of witnesses cheering  and laughing at our setbacks. “That’s what you get!” they jeered in my head.

Never once have I worried that we wouldn’t get through this; it’s a temporary detour that we knew would happen at some point. We didn’t know what would happen, but we expected problems of some kind because that’s life. It’s not the logistics that have tripped me up.

It’s the worthiness.

It’s the guilt I thought I’d worked through.

It’s the knowledge that there are people in this world who truly delight in other people’s misfortunes – and the obvious fact that I give a crap on some level.

I wrote in my journal. I called my mom. I started a discussion in the forum about whether it’s possible to deserve misfortune. I ran myself in philosophical circles. I’m still not sure I have any definitive answers. I do, however, have some tentative thoughts of my own I want to share along with some wisdom that was shared with me.

First, Nyt said:

“…I look at it as my “turn”. I figure that in the whole grand scheme of things, we all have some equalization coming to us, sometimes, it’s just your turn. Good or bad, nothing lasts forever… Ultimately, I think it’s about how you handle it and what you learn from it.”

I forget this. I forget that we have all made mistakes, big ones even. I am not alone in my failures nor more or less worthy of judgment than anyone else. Of course we all know that on an intellectual level, but I think it’s easy for some of us to think of our own failings as worse than others. We withhold compassion from ourselves as some sort of penance.

I’ll show I’m really sorry by never forgetting.

That doesn’t serve anyone, especially us mere mortals.

Kathy added:

“I very rarely, if ever, think of this with “good karma” coming back on me.  When something good happens, you won’t hear me say “oooh what good thing did I do to deserve this.”

An excellent point. I either deserve the good and the bad (and rejoice in the fact that the good far outweighs the bad), or I learn to let go of trying to figure out why things happen and focus on my own reactions when they do.

And Kathryn1124 said:

“My feeling is more…why should I be exempt from the bad stuff?”

Oh. Yeah. That.

It’s fairly easy for me to remind myself that life just happens. What is less easy is to face the fact that I am still coming to terms with the idea of worthiness. I am still wrestling with guilt for ways I hurt my husband and friends. I am still struggling with decisions I made that are in direct contradiction with who I am.

I am two steps into living a dream, and I am terrified that I don’t deserve it.

But who among us does? Who among us is blameless or flawless or has arrived at today with no fault or blame in their bag?

We are, all of us, just on a journey. None of us has arrived or figured it out or become everything we could or hope to be. We are, most of us, just doing the best we can with what we have at the moment.

And I am no different.

I’m doing the best I can where I am today. I cannot relive mistakes or flog myself into an alternate reality where those mistakes didn’t happen. I realize now that it is not my mistakes that hold me back, but my inability to accept them and move on.

Today I will practice letting go, again, and I will keep practicing until it becomes easier.

Today I will do the best I can with what I’ve got and I will accept that the effort makes me worthy of happiness.

Today I will, hopefully, get back on the road.

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  1. Kim says:

    You keep on trucking baby, no matter what. If that’s a picture of the car you’re doing this adventure with on the rack, get rid of it, if it’s just a small SUV it won’t pull that trailer across more than two states without problems every time. We tried that with a short bed Chevy in ’89 and barely made it across Texas. With a pull behind, get y’all a 1/2 or 3/4 ton, hook it up and GO GO GO.Gooseneck it if you can. Get on the road, we can’t wait and come see all of us that love you and know that you CAN DOO EET! Xoxo.

    • Miss Britt says:

      Heh. Whenever people say that I kind of laugh at how easy they make it sound to just get rid of one vehicle and get another one!

      Thanks for the love and cheering!!

  2. kateanon says:

    It’s easy to wonder “what have I done wrong” but for as many mistakes as I have made, and there are many, I don’t think I’ve deserved some of the things that have happened to me. I am not sure anyone “deserves” cancer, infertility, etc. Sometimes you have to realize that this is just what life dishes out to you. You can take it, or you can push it away. Even when it has a bitter taste, I still want whatever life has to offer. I wish this part of your trip now nothing but smooth sailing, or you know, driving.

  3. Jack says:

    I don’t know that I believe in karma. I can argue the case for and against it. I teach my kids to be good to others because it is the right thing to do- not because we fear punishment. I try to do the same because again it is the right thing to do.

    I don’t think it is fair to you to beat yourself up over things that happen. Life is filled with crazy stuff. Sometimes the bad guys win and the heroes lose. But more often than not good things happen to those who MAKE it happen.

    Sounds to me like you are making it happen, so this is just a little blip on a big adventure.

    • Miss Britt says:

      Like you, I find myself able to make a case for and against Karma. I think it maybe needs to be one of those things I just resolve to never figure out.

      • Jack says:

        When I stopped wearing a watch I stopped worrying about whether I would be late. And when I stopped worrying about karma I stopped worrying. Ok, that is not true, but it did take the edge off.

  4. Suebob says:

    I’m a lot happier since I decided that life is random. Good things happen to good people. And bad things. And good things happen to bad people. And bad things. And people who delight in bad stuff happening to you aren’t worth a second thought – they need mental help.

    I do know there is a secret, sick part of my mind that thinks, for the briefest second when something bad happens to someone else “Whew. It didn’t happen to ME.” As if there is a certain quantity of bad in the world and, if someone else gets more, I get less. But as I said, that is the sick part of my mind.

    I don’t think that bad things happen to teach us a lesson, but I think there is usually a lesson we can learn when something “bad” happens. Or, as someone wiser than me said AFLO (another f***ing learning opportunity.)

    I think the person who speculated that your truck may be underpowered for the job might be right. I would ask around and see to avoid having this problem over and over and over.

    I hope you have many happy miles in front of you. Hugs.

  5. zengrrl says:

    Nobody should ever feel that they are not worthy of happiness. We all are. Unfortunately, I meet a lot of people who’ve been taught (from parents or peer pressure) that it is wrong to be happy. Like you’re being selfish if you accept the happiness when others may not be in such a good place. I think that’s garbage. We owe it to ourselves to accept that happiness and let it fuel us.

    Bad things are going to happen regardless of whether we are happy or not. Change and fix what you can; work around what you can’t. But don’t ever feel that you aren’t worthy of happiness and that the bad things are some sort of punishment. They aren’t. It’s just part of life.

    I mean, how would you know if you were happy if you were never sad? Find the sunshine and hold onto it for when you run into a rainy day. =)

    • Robin says:

      Zengrrl, My parents were HUGE proponents of the “being happy is selfish to others” mantra. I thought it was just me… :)

      • Megan says:

        Gah. This is such bullshit! Happy people, boys and girls, are the ones who reach out more to help other people. It’s a fact. So being happy is not selfish. You cannot spread sunshine if you don’t have it to begin with.

    • Miss Britt says:

      “We owe it to ourselves to accept that happiness and let it fuel us.”

      I DEFINITELY believe this. I think rejecting the happiness we’re given is like throwing a gift back at God. RUDE.

  6. Michelle says:

    Keep going, you are living your dream and many of us are living it with you – the good and the bad – and cheering you on from the sidelines. Be ealier on yourself, you and your family are awesome!

  7. pocket_queen says:

    What Jack and Zengrrl said. Also, “I’m two steps into living a dream and I’m terrified that I don’t deserve it. But who among us does?” Everyone! We all deserve to have our dreams come true. But sadly, only a few actually make it happen. And what makes you guys a different kind of special is how quickly you did it! Most people are just too afraid of failure to get out there and see what happens.. Specially with a big “lifetime” dream, because what if it doesn’t work out? I think you even have that covered already..if it doesn’t work out, you start over, like you already have before. Anyway, back to the point, since you’re catholic I can put it in terms of God.. We all deserve to be happy, and to follow the dreams that will take us there. That’s the reason why we are here on Earth, isn’t it? Well, at least I believe it with all of my being… Otherwise God would be just playing a sadistic game of roll the dice with the small people down here, and I REALLY don’t think that’s the case. Now, go on and please feel 100% entitled to your dream and to happiness..and make sure your kids learn to believe it too! Have fun! :)

    • Miss Britt says:

      We made a lot of sacrifices to do this, too. Sacrifices that I wouldn’t blame a lot of people for NOT making.

      Hell, that alone should make us worthy!!

  8. Bre says:

    This? Is exactly how I feel every. single. time. something trips me up. And you’re exactly right about the inability to accept things and move forward being the hindrance. I think I’m going to bookmark this for future reference.
    Also, this post parallels nicely with being a Christian. If God chose only to love those who didn’t make a huge, ugly mistake then nobody would feel God’s love! (And there’d be no glory, either.)
    Good luck with the truck; my theory on vehicles is they’re like children- a never ending expense (except with less cute moments. LOL)
    Love you guys.

    • Miss Britt says:

      “my theory on vehicles is they’re like children- a never ending expense (except with less cute moments. LOL)”

      And that is why I want to live in a city where I don’t have to have a car!

      P.S. thanks for responding with appropriate excitement to our texts last night and today. Made Emma’s day. ;-)

  9. Loukia says:

    I totally get this. When my son was very sick in the hospital as a baby, I cried to my mom that it happened probably because of something bad I had done. When good things happen, I always wonder when the ‘bad’ thing will happen, too.

  10. Momma says:

    Here’s another thought to make you feel guilty…we Catholics are guilty of the sin of ‘scrupulosity’! I didn’t know there was such a thing. Yet, I found it strangely freeing to know that being so scrupulous is wrong, and is something to stop practicing. What a relief- now to put this knowlege into practice.
    Does this make sense?
    I love what Nyt and Kathryn 1124 wrote. So true.

  11. muskrat says:

    Yep, I can have a shitty attitude sometimes. But then I think about how awesome I am and that the world needs to man up and become my oyster. Then it all gets better.

  12. Allyson says:

    Aw, Britt. This is what the beginning of a journey is like. Seemingly every time. You hit the problems, have the hiccups, and worry over how it will affect the rest of the trip. But once you figure out the solutions, and get underway – again – this will be the part you enjoy telling the most. Murphy’s Law applies to all of us, and is often the seed of some truly interesting times.

  13. Nanna says:

    You know, I was all into how smart your friends are. Then I read Mike’s response. The Muskrat wins!

    Love you, darling.

  14. I don’t think you have to go with guilt…you could just decide “this will make a good story someday”, because it will. This comes under the category of not crying over spilt milk…just clean up the milk, pay the repair bill and move on. :-)

    I had a click moment years ago when a friend and I decided that you can’t live till 80 without some trouble entering your life, so if we planned to make it to 80 we were just going to have to go through some stuff. So just file this (and future garbage) under “making it till eighty”.

  15. Megan says:

    No wonder you converted to Catholicism; you’re great at this guilt stuff. ;)

    To me, Karma is about the energy in your life, not necessarily a tit-for-tat exchange. If you spew poison in your daily life, that’s what your life will be filled with. Spread happiness and you’ll have much more of that.

    But bad things will still happen. When they do, I try to figure out what the lesson is. I had a miscarriage and it taught me to relinquish the illusion of control (I got pregnant with scientific precision). I had a child with a disability; it, in a roundabout way, taught me that I could actually make a living as a writer (because it made it difficult to work outside the house after I got laid off from my work-at-home job).

    This is one of those reframing things. Instead of wondering “Why is this happening to me?,” wonder “What can I learn from this?” or “What is the Univerise trying to tell me?”

    At the very least it will distract you from the guilt for a few minutes. :)

    • You are literally living the subway art sign in my dining room: “Life isn’t about the destination; it’s about the journey.” Thank you for sharing your whole experience and not editing out the bad for whoever those idiots are who told you not to have this journey. Those of us who are living vicariously through you during this next year, need to feel your struggles. (I felt this deep in my wallet, by the way. Ouch.) You have many lessons to teach us, Britt. Your journey is my closest version of ” Eat, Love, Pray” that I have. So you’re not in Italy eating gelato. Big deal. What did you have from the vending machine at the truck stop? It’s no less. It’s as much. You are our Elizabeth Gilbert. Don’t ever forget that. You are Courage. Courage to not stuff a dream down your heart and bury it. Not all who wander are lost.

    • Miss Britt says:

      That’s a good exercise. It might distract me from the imaginary assholes living in my head, too.

  16. Poppy's Mom says:

    This sounds like the first trip my husband and I took in our “new to us” self-contained RV. He dreamed of retiring to Florida and we would spend the summers driving lazily up the coast to Vermont and back, visiting all our relatives. We lived in Punta Gorda and we got as far as Tampa before the right header blew out and stranded us at Camp Nebraska Travel Trailer Park. It gave me a jolt to see your SUV on the lift because it looked just like the place we waited at for hours. AND our repair didn’t hold either. I also felt enormous guilt thinking this was our punishment for wanting to take early retirement, leave all our relatives in Vermont and expand our lives. Trust me, I’ve gotten over it! It was just out cosmic turn for trouble. We’ve gone on to have wonderful adventures and you will too!

    • Miss Britt says:

      Everything about this comment made me want to hug you, hard, but especially this:

      ” I also felt enormous guilt thinking this was our punishment for wanting to take early retirement, leave all our relatives in Vermont and expand our lives. ”

      I hate the idea of anyone feeling guilty for stepping out to do a wonderful thing for themselves! Guess I should apply that to myself. ;-)

  17. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this. you deserve this.

  18. Cort says:

    It’s all part of the adventure. I know that you think of it as a setback now, but part of life on the road is living by the seat of your pants — not knowing what lies ahead – good, bad, or otherwise. This event may have taken some of the wind from your sail, but the difference between an happening and an experience is what you take away from it. You’ll be fine. Your adventure will certainly continue. The important thing to remember is that you and your husband and kids are in this together. That’s why you’re doing this. Show your children how to get through a detour and find their way out on the other side. :) The BEST of best wishes!

    • Miss Britt says:

      So true. Jared keeps saying “I’m so glad I’m going through this with you.” And the kids have gotten bored in this campground in the middle of nowhere during the day, but we had one hell of a time playing cards together last night. :-)

  19. Lisa says:

    Dear Britt,
    I enjoying reading your blog. I think you guys are on an amazing journey.
    This is only the second time I’ve commented but I wanted to remind you of something Jesus said in Matthew (5:45): “[God] causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”
    If you read the whole context of that phrase, you’ll see he is talking about behaviour in response to bad things in life. He says to love your enemy, pray for those who persecute you because if you only love those who love you, you are no different than the “tax collector”.

    In other words, the way I interpret it, we all have things in life that we might not enjoy but it’s how you react to it that makes the difference.
    You’re not afflicted because you’re bad or don’t deserve happiness. You’re afflicted with stuff like this because you’re human and you live in a world where stuff breaks.
    It’s not what happens to you that tells the world, or even you, what kind of person you are, it’s how you react to it.
    I’d say you’re doing it right!

  20. Don’t think of it as being held back. Where you’re going just isn’t ready for you yet.

    Trust me. You deserve this.

  21. Penbleth says:

    You have done nothing to deserve bad things. Practically no one does, it doesn’t work like that. I think one of the things we find hardest to accept is that things just happen, good, bad and indifferent.

    As to those who would cheer at misfortune, sod ‘em. Really. Put them from your mind, block them from your site if they start trolling, they aren’t worth the worry or the effort.

    Keep going, good things will happen.

  22. I think about “deserving” things, too. When good things happen, I can still get so overwhelmed that I want to run away. But with the bad things, I’ve decided that life is just life. Some days we wake up happy and some days we wake up irritable and usually it’s for no good reason. Just like some days our car breaks down. It just is. Not to get all spiritual on you, but I also have a strong faith in which I believe that the real miracle of God is He (She?) can makes good things out of the crappy stuff — even if it’s just a chance to grow in empathy or patience. That comforts me when life happens. But I’m the kind of persona who needs that sort of comfort. I don’t know that everyone does. Anyway, I hope that your car is fixed soon!

  23. Karin says:

    You absolutely deserve this. This quote astounded me…
    “I thought of all the people who are sitting in the wings, waiting to hear about my failure. I envisioned a cloud of witnesses cheering and laughing at our setbacks. “That’s what you get!” they jeered in my head.”

    I can’t believe there are people who would actually be pleased if you failed. I have been so excited to read about your journey and all of the adventures you are going to have. Take a deep breath, relax and believe you truly do deserve this.

  24. i will admit that it kinda breaks my heart to know your first instinct is to blame yourself. bad things happen to good people. they just do. yinz are good people. write it down.

  25. Fluffycat says:

    I read this and was thinking, oh no, having car problems, in a neutral way. But it’s that deal when you are in a situation, you personalize things more than just being “something that happens.” I can totally relate to this. The most important thing is to focus on fixing the problem, and moving on to the rest of your lovely travels. And in a way, if you get this difficult stuff out of the way now, it only makes it smoother sailing further along the line.

  26. Britt,

    Yes Guilt about doing something others think is outside of the norm …… not unusual. When I made my trip around the country, on the way to North, before going west, the car made awful sounds. Stopped had it check and nothing found. Continued on trip. Got hotel so I wasn’t driving in night with a possible problem car. Next day drove and eventually sound came back. I just kept driving until I got to my destination in Conn. While I was there, did not hear it again. All short trips.
    Started West and in Penn. Noise was back. Had the car put in a shop. They GREASED the ball joints. Said driving for the long period of time at high speed it became hot and without grease = noise. After that did not hear it.

    Enjoy the trip!


  27. Sodapop says:

    Currently under the “beating myself up” and feeling guilty about how my life is and certain things going on. The guilt of leaving Las Vegas, a GREAT job & career, my friends, my family and moving somewhere I didn’t really know anyone, but one or two people. And not very well did I know them, at that. And then 8 months of unemployment (without the unemployment benefits from the government). This guilt consumes me at unexpected times.

    And your comment above about expanding ourselves hit me to the core just now, while I’ve been scrolling down reading all the comments. I did this to enrich and expand myself. I did this to improve upon who and what I am. I have NO reason to feel guilty for things I cannot control. Shoot, I don’t even know where I was going with this. Maybe just to say, I get it. I understand.

    I would also want to add that you need to stop beating yourself up. This is not your fault. You are definitely worthy of happiness.

    Keep your chin up.


  28. Michelle says:

    I think shit happens for a reason. Not just the good, but the bad as well and maybe just maybe there is something for you to be looking for in the slowing down. And maybe you won’t find that answer until 3 months down the road when you’re meandering along and all of a sudden it will make sense why you needed to be a week behind schedule. You’re on the path that you’re supposed to be on, trusting that when a wrench is thrown in the plan is sometimes the hardest part.

    • Janelle says:

      I love this comment! I do think it might be the universe’s way of saying, “Britt, please take your time on this trip… like, REALLY take your time on this trip. I think your plans might be too quick for my liking.” :)

  29. tracy says:

    there will Always be Obstacles. The question is…are you strong enough to make it through them?
    There is NO question, you Are and you Will. It’s just a big bump in the road…just drive over it and see what appears on the other side~ It just might make you smile! :~)

  30. Janelle says:

    Hey Britt,
    Broke out the laptop (I hate typing long comments on my phone).

    While reading this post, I couldn’t help but think, “Boy oh boy, she is giving people a lot of underserved credit!” Surely you are not giving the vile people who would delight in your car troubles a second thought! Anybody with a heart and who have owned a car longer than five minutes know that sinking sick feeling of unexpected, highly expensive, car troubles. And to wish that on anyone or delight that it happened to someone else is absolutely gross.

    My second thought was, “This would have happened whether you were on the road to living your dream life or on your way to a dreadful 9 to 5 job.” Car troubles happen. Don’t give car troubles more credit than they deserve, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and has nothing to do with karma. And when these last few days are long ago memories, this will be one funny story! “No more than we got three feet down the road to live our year ON THE road and we fucking break down! What kind of shit is that?!?” Insert lots of laughter.

    My karma theory is, whatever you put out there, you get it back three fold -but in the same way… for example, you gave away your car, in my “karma world” you just assured yourself that you will in fact earn enough money for your yearlong trip. Not that you gave away your car for that reason, but it helps even out the playing field.

    However, one can live their entire life serving others and still get the short end of the stick. For example, my mom worked for 911 and helped thousands of people in her years of service. However, it didn’t stop the powers that be from her dying an untimely and sudden death. It’s all a crapshoot and we are all just doing the best we can with what we have. You can’t look at bad things that happen as some sort of “karma revenge.” Sometimes shit just happens and nobody and nothing is to blame… it just is. Don’t give the negative things that happen to you more power than they are worth, like saying, “well, if I hadn’t done this or had I done that, then this and that wouldn’t have happened.”

    Your mistakes do not dictate your future.

    (However, in my opinion, when you put good out there in the universe, the universe loves it and will reward you accordingly. Your mistakes however, I think we (normal people, not Casey Anthony or Sarah Palin type people) inflict enough self-pain on ourselves, the universe says, “I’m out. You punished yourself worse than I could.”)

  31. edenland says:

    This post is wonderful. I can’t BELIEVE the learning has begun so quickly, on your literal (and invisible) journey!

    Actually I can. Life is incredibly random. The day we found out my husband had a shitload of tumours in him, he told me it was his karma, for being an arsehole in his twenties. I asked him, why does a baby get cancer then?

    Sometimes, there is no rhyme or reason. None at all. And that is an incredibly freeing thing to realise. XO

  32. Julie says:

    Sing along with me girl!

    “Aint nothing going to break my stride
    Nobody´s going to slow me down
    Oh no, I have got to keep on moving
    Aint nothing going to break my stride
    I am running & I would not touch ground
    Oh no, I have got to keep on moving”

    Yeah! Look, guilt is a sadly wrapped present that you can choose to accept, or stamp return to sender. Just say no to guilt, accept that obstacles make the terrain more interesting, and keep on movin’!

  33. Sara says:

    Even the seasoned RV’ers have bad days. I assure you this wont be the first wrench you guys will battle on this trip. I believe this will make your family stronger. The way you handle the stress and set backs will also show your kids how to handle unexpected situations in their future. I vote you make the most of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
    Don’t think of it as bad Karma but a learning opportunity. You are going to learn patience, strength, understanding, determination and sacrifice on this journey. You may grow more as a person, family, wife, mother in these 10 months more then you ever have or will.
    A set back is a momentary situation, a dream is forever. Live your dream. Remind yourself that your taking this adventure with the 3 people you love most. Your going to make amazing friends on the way. Some you won’t be prepared for. Rv’er are great people. Don’t be surprised if one wonders over and offers help with something you can’t figure out.
    I have my fingers crossed for you all. I hope you follow thru with this adventure even on days that you know you want to quit.

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  35. martymankins says:

    Not sure if anyone before me asked, but being the curious male, was there any refund from the first repair shop that couldn’t fix the problem that the Jacksonville mechanic was able to fix?

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