It’s Okay Not To Be Okay

Monday, May 9th, 2011

dark and light

“It’s okay not to be okay” – Jessie J, Who You Are

Sometimes happiness is hard.

It’s ironic, I know. Shouldn’t happiness be easy?

It can be. But I don’t believe we can remain happy without dealing with seasons of doubt and struggle. Living an authentic, happy life requires progress and adaptation, which are just almost-fancy words for change.

Change is rough.

Period.

You can think happy thoughts and meditate and have faith and affirm and blah blah freaking blah, but the bottom line is that you will not get to the other side without squeezing through the way too tight spot where it is damn uncomfortable. You cannot overcome fears without learning to be afraid.

It’s okay not to be okay.

Resist the urge to run from rejection. Give yourself a minute before promising to push on. Brace yourself for the onslaught of insecurities, doubts, and momentary backslide. Fight the need to fix it for just a little bit.

Go ahead, be not okay.

Because there’s a breakthrough coming just around the bend.

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  1. Yes, living a full life entails allowing yourself to feel your feelings . PS. Whoever your rejections were from have no idea about anything.

  2. Lisa says:

    I may be stuck in this place right now. I’m somewhere between the realization that what I currently do doesn’t make me happy and figuring out how to make it work to do what does. So yeah, I get this. This is not the fun part!

  3. I try to keep it all on the up … but somedays you want to say ‘ you know, this sucks, its not fun’ and wallow a little.
    Today might well be one of those days.
    and Yes.
    Its okay!

  4. FireMom says:

    Thank you for the reminder.

  5. We cannot be 100% every day.
    You often say “You don’t know what you had until you lost it”, that is true for happiness as much as anything else.

    What is important though is that you don’t get stuck in the not okay form. You need to get yourself into a positive mindset and start working towards your happiness.

  6. Nanna says:

    Wow. I’m in love with this woman. There are angels and heroes among us everyday, reminding us of the important stuff. You are one of them, Britter. It’s OK to be who you are.

  7. Megan says:

    Wallowing is way underrated. I think you have to allow yourself to feel what you feel for a bit before you pick yourself up and move on.

  8. Anissa says:

    I was talking to someone who needed another recommendation for something.

    When I asked what kind of person they needed, they said “Like Miss Britt, she was a win.”

    They got that you were real. Honest. Raw.

    Britt FTW.

  9. Penbleth says:

    This is such good advice. We all want to shield ourselves and our loved ones from hurt or upset and we become afraid to feel. It’s good to have the positive hope that it will lead to something better though. That hope is what gets me through some times.

  10. Chibi Jeebs says:

    Holy cow, Britt. I have GOOSEBUMPS after watching that clip. Thank you so much for sharing that with me – going to add it to my self-esteem playlist.

    xoxo

  11. Kathy says:

    Oh man, this is so true.

    With my situation (I know I’ve talked about it in comments here before, so feel free to ignore or not…) I get overwhelmed often. My husband is doing amazing, but still, he had a STROKE. We just got our 2 year old tested for the deficiency that the doctors think were what caused his carotid arteries to tear. I’m terrified to think about my daughter having a stroke. Holding her in my arms while they drew blood I wanted to burst into tears thinking about having to coach her through learning to walk again. But I couldn’t, because she was already scared and hurting and I had to be strong for her. But you can damn well bet I took a shower by myself when we got home and had my time to break down.

    When people tell me that I’m strong and how inspiring I am, I thank them but I can’t remind them that I have my moments. They don’t understand. Yes, I’m doing what I have to do to keep my family going. I do what I have to and have lots of time when I’m not strong. When I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I hear my husband’s breath doing the thing it did that scary scary night in November. When I realize that it was just a dream, I am not ashamed to say I usually end up crying myself back to sleep, curled around his warm body, the tears flowing onto his arm that still has no independent movement.

    Wow, I don’t know why I decided to use your blog as therapy….I’m so sorry! I almost deleted this comment in fact, but I have almost a compulsion to click post….

    But yes, it’s okay to not be okay. If only society would accept it and we could learn how to react to others when they are not okay….life would be better for sure….

    • Miss Britt says:

      It is hard to know how to handle people when they are struggling.

      Maybe it’s because we don’t need to be handled, but sat with.

  12. Mandi Bone says:

    Thank you, I needed this.

  13. SO what I needed to hear today! When I hear you say “It’s ok to be not ok” what I hear is “the only way out is through.”

    Sitting with uncomfortable feelings is so…. uncomfortable!

    But running from uncomfortable feelings is tiring and when I stop, they catch right up with me. And then I’m …. wait for it…. uncomfortable.

    The only way out is through!

    • Miss Britt says:

      Oh my gosh, I say those EXACT words to myself!!!!

      I always think of child birth – but from the mother’s perspective, not the literal “only way out is through” lol.

  14. Momo Fali says:

    Oh, how I needed this today. Yesterday I spent the entire day wishing the “flight” was possible in the whole “fight or flight” scenario. I wanted to just take off, running away from not being okay. Thank you for assuring me that it’s okay to not be okay.

  15. the muskrat says:

    But I don’t have time to not be okay!

  16. Jack says:

    Sometimes there is far too much focus on being told that you can be happy and have it all- every day- all day long. It is simply not true and there is nothing wrong with it.

  17. Jared says:

    In every difficult situation is potential value. Believe this, then begin looking for it.

    ~Norman Vincent Peale

  18. i’ve never been a fan of change. i’m a creature of habit. yet change all works out and i develop new habits. funny how that works!

  19. Love this because it’s just so right, take me for instance… My wife would now say something like “yes please, just take him and don’t bring him back” she jests!
    I know I’m doing the right thing, I’m working hard for it but not getting the breaks just yet, the secret is to keep going despite those negative voices in your head, after all it’s just an opinion…
    I tend to deal one day at a time, if yesterday was less than good then the next day can be the best ever, you never know!

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