Pushing Past Popularity. Or Fear (but that didn’t start with a P)

Monday, September 6th, 2010

I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Or maybe hyperventilate.

On the plus side, self-urination does not seem to be among the imminent responses to my anxiety.  Yee-ha for progress.

I’m telling myself that writing this will not help; it may actually make my problem worse, since cool people do not blather on about feeling uncool.  Faiqa would never get herself twisted up about being uncool.  But writing about puking or hyperventilating is the only thing I feel confident about right this moment.

Of course, now that I’ve said that I’m struggling to string together coherent thoughts about fast breathing and vomit.  Awesome.

I wish I was cool.

More than that, I find myself in a position where being cool would probably be a serious benefit to my career.  Everyone knows, after all, how important networking is – but only if you can network with the cool kids.  I’m afraid that I need to be cool in order to make some of my biggest dreams come true.

And I’m not.

I am so. fucking. not.

And I feel horribly guilty for caring.  I feel uppity for wishing I was more than I am.  I feel supremely foolish for not being satisfied with my known place.  Greedy.  Selfish.  Embarrassed.  Who the hell am I to dream of growing beyond my league?

I have started and stopped emails to women who are cooler than me a dozen times over the last several days.  Pitches.  Proposals.  Official requests for rejection.

And I can’t do it.  I can’t hit send.  I imagine these women being offended that I would dare to put myself in their presence, dare to act as if I belong in their circle.  I see them sneering and rolling their eyes, hear them complaining about my pathetic wastes of their time with their friends. Or worse, they simply dismiss me with that look that says “we both know better, don’t we?”

And we do.  We both know better.  We both know that they are the real deal and I am an impostor masquerading as someone relevant.

These are the words that swim just beneath the surface, and I can’t help but cry at their cruelty as I type them out.  It’s horrible, hateful language to aim at myself, but it’s there whether I own it or not.

I want to scream, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?”

What key piece that these other women seem to have was I born without?  How do they make it look so easy, while I flop and flail loudly, spilling and knocking shit over and generally making an uncomfortable scene?  And why, when it seems to matter so damn much to me, couldn’t I have been chosen as a keeper of one of these elusive fucking keys?

Why do I want what I can’t have with such intensity?

I feel pathetic… but I also feel angry.

I’m angry at the woman who doesn’t return my sincere smile.  I’m angry that she tolerates my presence, failing to appreciate my warmth and humor (because clearly I am a ball of happy!)  I’m angry at the woman who looks down her nose at me and designates me not cool enough.  I’m angry at her superior attitude and aloof glances over my shoulder.  Who the hell does she think she is to treat me – to treat anyone – as if they are beneath her?

I’m torn on how much of my lack of cool is in my head and how much is in hers.  Theirs.  They who are cooler than me.  They who work to ensure that I stay in my place so that they don’t lose theirs.

I’m torn between shame and indignation.  The voice in my left ear whispers, “shame on you” while the one in my right snarls, “fuck them.”

Both voices are ugly.  Neither are lights to be guided by.

So I sit motionless without a guide.  Sad and afraid and pissed off at my own lack of courage.

And then I go and tell the Internet because that is just fucking genius.

**UPDATE, The Next Morning**

I have to update this before I call my mother this morning and she verbally kicks my ass for the negative self talk.

Plus, I need to defend a few cool kids.

After I wrote this yesterday, I got off the computer, put away the List Of Things To Do To Be Successful, and went to watch a documentary with my husband and kids.  And then I watched the Hot Tub Time Machine with my husband after the putting the kids in bed, and I got up this morning and went to the gym and sweat my butt off before 6:00 am.  While I was doing my cool down, I read through some of the comments you guys had left on this post.

And somewhere in there, I remembered a few things that I needed to tell you.  And me.

The bitchy cool woman who snubbed is mostly a figure of my imagination.  It’s the idea of her that torments me.  Oh, sure, I’ve reached out to people who didn’t welcome me with open arms – we all have.  But who the hell knows why that is.  Timing.  Mismatched personalities.  Life.  The truth is, those instances are few and far between, and yet the possibility that I could be rejected and laughed at looms larger than reality when I’m scared.  I find myself needing to play the “real or unreal” game to regain perspective.

Some very, very cool and very, very successful people have not rejected me.  They have responded to phone calls and emails for help, shared personal information about their careers with me, and offered time and tips with no strings attached.  Real.  Very real.  And it’s an insult to these women to forget that, to not let that matter and shine brighter than fear of imaginary creatures.

I just… get scared, you know?

When the dreams get big enough and the stakes precious enough, the lies we tell ourselves become more convincing.

Giving these lies legs to walk around on this blog may seem counterproductive, but it helps me to face them.  It helps to flesh out the things that I’m most afraid of so that I can see more clearly what is real and unreal.

I’m nervous?  Real.

I’m a failure?  Unreal.

I’m inherently flawed and the only person to feel like this? Unreal.

I’m going to suck it up, pull up the big girl panties, push through the fears and keep going anyway?

Real.

Thank you for helping me tell the difference.

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  1. avitable says:

    You are cool. You’re the woman who’s going to travel around the country with her family because you can. You’re the blogger who has helped people by baring your heart and soul and making others realize that they are not alone. You’ve tackled every single thing you’ve attempted and not only have you succeeded, you’ve set an example how to do it.

    If that’s not cool, I don’t know what it is. Or, in other words, if peeing your pants is cool, I’m Miles Davis.

  2. Tim Brownson says:

    “Who the hell am I to dream of growing beyond my league?”

    You’re a human and what you’re experiencing aint you at all, it’s just your brain, it’s wired up like that.

    We seek status as much as we seek anything and I do mean anything. It is is a primal and basic as you can get.

    So we can agree you’re normal, then?

  3. Robin says:

    Rejection is a bitch, isn’t it?

    I admit, I used to be deathly afraid of rejection, mainly because to me, it felt like failure and incompetence. After all, I didn’t get the job I wanted… I must have fucked up royally in the interview process or my resume must be made of so much fail that they wouldn’t pick me, right? Those people don’t like me because I am that much of an asshole….maybe if I bend and change myself to whatever they want, I won’t be rejected anymore.

    I am learning that with some things, it is what it is. I will never have the answer, I will never have absolution or closure, I will never know why…it just happened. But at the same time, I will never know whether I would have been rejected if I don’t try. So I am asking you to try.

    Most times where you think your best isn’t good enough, it often will blow someone away. That’s what I tell myself when I can’t get out of my own way (and this has been happening a TON lately. Long story…).

    Send the letters. Worst case scenario, they’ll say no. But I promise you, they’ll be others who will say yes.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Robin, my biggest fear associated with rejection is looking stupid for not knowing my place. That sounds weird, doesn’t it?

      • Robin says:

        @Miss Britt, What place is that? You have a right to be happy and pursue things, Britt. You have a right to try. :)

      • Bonnie B. says:

        @Miss Britt, excuse me for wanting to absolutely kick your ass, considering we don’t know each other or anything but….. KNOWING YOUR PLACE??? YOUR PLACE??? WHAT IS YOUR PLACE???? You’re the bravest woman I’ve ever seen (Traveling the country for a year? Canceling the cable? Holy crap!!)

        YOUR PLACE, woman, is right in the thick of what you think are SO mistakenly calling the “cool” people. Holy shit, get out of your own way dammit!*

        *said with love, I promise.

  4. DeannaBanana says:

    Don’t sell yourself short Britt, please. I speak for the masses here when I assure you that WE believe in you. And I am proud to call you friend…and so much more. Hit send. Dont ever look back regretting your inability to try, okay?

    Love. In great big bunches, babe.

  5. Julie says:

    Know that to some of us (ok, me) you are one of the cool ones that we (ok, again me) want to be like too.

    And then, I tug on my big girl panties (they’re getting tight again) and grab my wine glass.

    So for today, I am just me and you are just you. That’s a good thing. :)

  6. Uh, what? Okay firstly, Adam is right – so everything he said. I don’t know who you are looking to write to that you think will reject you, but I will say this: you are a good friend, you are genuine and sincere, and it’s a sad day in someone else’s life if they reject you.
    Lastly, what the fuck happened to not putting ourselves down? You continue to succeed at everything you pour your heart into and you’re true to yourself.
    Pull your panties up and write those emails. You have nothing to lose if you don’t try. And if this silly Canadian believes in you, shouldn’t you also believe in yourself? YES. So cut it out. xoxo

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Karen Sugarpants, how funny is it that I’m doing an “inner mean girl cleanse”? Maybe this is like when you drink a ton of water and get zits at first as your body cleanse itself out.

      And thank you for saying I’m a good friend. :-) This is actually business related stuff so it’s a little different, but the sentiment is still appreciated.

  7. Sigh. Needless tormenting of self noted. That’s as mean as I get in response to your “I’m not cool enough” lament.

    I was not a cool kid…and on the internet, I’m not a cool kid, either. I have a little over 100 Twitter followers, woo! Maybe ten people read my blog, probably more by my stats but I think I’ve only had one post where I had over ten comments. I am not a “cool kid” if you judge by blog and Twitter and internet presence.

    You don’t need to be cool to be successful, Britt. Nobody on the internet knows who I am, but everyone in my industry does. But that’s just this last year, and only because I volunteered to chair a committee, thinking I wasn’t cool enough to do it but HEY I’m doing it and cool or not, everyone knows my name now. I get stuff done. I still knock things over and trip over things and have my embarassing moments, but I also give presentations and plan meetings that go off without a hitch and it finally dawned on me during one of my “What the fuck do you think YOU’RE doing?” moments…I’m doing what I thought I wasn’t good enough to do, and I’m pretty damn good at it. I’ve got it going on.

    And so do you. Send those emails. Feel uncomfortable and do it anyway. It’s so not about cool. I think it’s about authenticity and effort. Stop thinking about those other women, and think about what you want to do, then just do it. People don’t love you for your cool. They love you for who you actually are. That is what will draw them to you.

    • Robin says:

      @Kathryn (@kat1124), Seriously, Britt? LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN! She is mojo personified. I have been where she’s been and am working my ass off to get back…she knows. :)

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Kathryn (@kat1124), you crack me up.

      And you’re right – cool and successful are not the same things, and because this IS about business, I need to focus on the fact that I *am* good at what I do. That makes up for a lot of “uncoolness”, doesn’t it?

      Thanks. ;-)

  8. Ginamonster says:

    Cool is in the eye of the beholder.

    Period.

    So quit being scared and be the confident woman I have been admiring all these years. The one who moved accross country to take a job with a man she met because she networked through blogging. The one who (unlike most of us) actually makes money with her opionion and writing. The one who is confident and comfortable enough to announce to the world that she is depressed and doing something about it.

    If someone appears to be looking down her nose at you, maybe it’s because she isn’t confident in herself. I watch people belittle others all the time so that they can feel better. If she’s an asshole, take your business elsewhere.

    There’s nothing shameful in not being one of the cool kids, lord knows, they are the ones still remembering how they were adored in High School. the rest of us moved on and found our own brand of success.

    I’d rather be a nerd than an asshole. Send the letters. The word “no” never killed anybody AND there are plenty of other opportunities if those don’t pan out. you are resourceful. You can do it.

  9. Sybil Law says:

    I think you’re confusing these women, who don’t sound cool so much as a bunch of bitchy c_nts.
    Being cool is overrated- as well as most people who think they are, are just legends in their own minds.
    Just be yourself. It IS good enough. Why wouldn’t it be? If they don’t think so, seriously – fuck them. And when you get what you want anyway, you can be there for someone else feeling the way you do now.

  10. lisagolden says:

    This is your chance to make your own circle of cool. You have the tools, the cleverness, the drive. And you have so so many people who agree with Avitable.

    I’m not saying Fuck Them. I’m simply saying, there’s more than one circle of cool. Trust me on this.

  11. jane says:

    we are all scared – the bitchy cool people are scared too otherwise they wouldn’t be so mean…

    ok maybe they have a prickle in their undies and that makes them mean but still…

    you are good enough

    without their approval

    what you need is your approval…

  12. Michelle says:

    My mom told me two things (among many bits of wisdom that she imparted over the years) that I use to get me through times like this.

    1] We all have to shit sometimes.
    What that means is we are all equal at one time or another. And let’s face it, nobody looks cool when doing it. LOL

    2] You’ll never get a yes if you don’t ask.
    While it’s true that you may get rejected, you may also get that yes you want. But not if you don’t ask because other people can’t read your mind. So it’s a 50/50 shot but at least you’ll know and can move on.

    And finally my own little bit of learned wisdom: Cool people who act like they’re better than you are usually not worth getting to know. You want people in your life who love and support you for you.

    {{{hugs}}}

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Michelle, my husband is very fond of the “everyone takes a shit” philosophy to life as well. He is amazingly secure – so maybe there’s something to that… lol

  13. Michelle says:

    Go to your inbox, hit send on each and every one of those emails and silence the voices in your head. If you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know… if you’re not ‘good enough’ for some so be it, but what if you are?

  14. Clair says:

    Send those emails! I think one of the big fallacies of life is the cool kids factor – everyone thinks they’re not cool. Some of us just have the guts to fake it better than others do. So fake it until you make it. Good luck!

  15. Wow. Would it help if I told you that it was really hard for me to hit send on the e-mail I sent you regarding your request for reviewers the other day because I was afraid of EXACTLY the reaction that you are afraid of getting?

    You are good enough. People who don’t think so just don’t matter.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Karin aka perpstu, actually, yes, that did help. Because I read your comment and thought “wait a minute, I didn’t get an email from her.” And realized that on YOUR end, it just looked like I ignored you – maybe because you weren’t good enough or whatever. And that wasn’t reality at all.

      (and I owe you an email)

  16. Finn says:

    A little humility is good, but you can’t win if you don’t play. Hit send and it will be what it is meant to be.

  17. AJ says:

    Here’s what I do. Think about the worst possible outcome…which is usually rejection. Once you think about it, it’s not so bad, you realize it’s something you can deal with, so the act of hitting send isn’t as scary.

    Also, after working with women and with men…my advice would be if you’re still scared about sending one of your previously written emails, find one of your goals/objectives where you would work with a man, and send that first. Men are sometimes less scary. They’re not as bitchy. I think we as women know that, even if only on a subconscious level sometimes.

    And look how many comments you have already from people who read your blog and are happy to tell you they enjoy reading about you:)

  18. Amy says:

    Miss Britt, I’m kind of new here but you seem pretty fuckin’ cool to me (pardon my language, I have no self control). You are witty, personable and a fan-fucking-tastic (whoops. again) writer. Go ahead and hit “Send” on those emails and let yourself be surprised! Best of luck to you,
    Amy

  19. Love you, friend. I have struggled with popularity/fear too.

  20. muskrat says:

    All you had to do was write “important: please respond” in the subject line, and I totally would have written back. Geez, woman.

  21. Judy Haley says:

    well it’s reassuring to me that someone as cool as you is as insecure about being cool as someone as uncool as me. :)

  22. Poppy says:

    Why is the sentence “Why do I want what I can’t have with such intensity?” even in your VOCABULARY?

    Stop being ridiculous, no one’s cooler than you. People are just people. And if they reject you then Onto the Next One and that’s that.

    You are holding you back, no one else. So quit it.

    <3

  23. Lexi says:

    Well, shit. You’re one of the cool kids I wish *I* was cool enough to hang with. I guess I’m screwed, then.

    All that aside, I think we all have these moments. But I’ve spent years reading you, and I think deep down, you know better. Like a lot us do, or should.

    And all they can do is say no, right?

  24. Hockeymandad says:

    Yes yes yes to what Adam said.

    Also, I think you are one of the coolest people I know. So is your husband and so are your children. As a writer, you are looked up to. As a mother, you are adored. As a friend, you are cherished by many, including me and my family.

    You are loved.

  25. Angella says:

    I TOTALLY hear what you’re saying.

    But you’re far cooler than me, so…

    Chin up, Miss Britt. You rule, and don’t you ever forget that.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Angella, “But you’re far cooler than me, so…” that is NOT true and you (should) know it.

      I say we call a truce in the middle and agree that we are both cool. Deal?

  26. Oh my dear Britt, anyone who looks down their nose and deems you not cool enough for them would immediately become not cool. Truly. Those women are probably insecure (or all around just not nice) instead of the cool folks you think they are.

    Once when I was just out of high school I needed a job and accepted a telemarketing position. Not easy when most folks hate telemarketers, but I needed work. Anyhow, one thing I learned from that time is that the faster someone said no, the faster I could get to the person who would say yes. Another major lesson was that no wasn’t a personal rejection…they didn’t hate me, they hated the phone call or the product. What I am trying to say is SEND THE PITCHES AND PROPOSALS. You and your ideas are worthy. They might not perfectly match everyone’s needs, but then again they just might. You won’t know until you give those folks an opportunity to know what you have in mind.

  27. PaintingChef says:

    Personally? I think you’re incredibly brave and I consider YOU one of the cool kids.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @PaintingChef, thank you. Now I just have to learn to be brave without all the whining, right?

      (PS – OH MY GOD I AM SO EXCITED THAT WE ARE GOING TO BE WORKING TOGETHER!!!!!!!)

  28. neena says:

    I wish you could see yourself the way I see you! You’re one of the cool kids and I’d be honored to be part of your crowd

  29. Jessica says:

    I’ve never met you and know that you’re selling yourself short.

  30. Sheila says:

    Woman, you are cool. Seriously.

    And um, if you’re not, then I feel really fucking retarded for emailing *you* about networking and such.

    Also, if you really wanna make yourself feel better….remember that, if nothing else, you are way cooler than I am. Hello!?!? I had to text you pictures to see if I was buying the right pants and to find out if it was okay to wear a belt with dress pants. If that’s not pathetically uncool, then I don’t know what is.

    So when you’re feeling all down and out about yourself, remember that you are most definitely way cooler than at least one person on the planet.

    XOXO

  31. jodifur says:

    Oh hon, I’m not cool. I’m about about the farthest thing from cool in the world. And I loved your email. And I’d love to be apart of what your doing, if there were about a million hours in the day.

    I think EVERYONE feels that way. We all want to fit in. It’s like junior high school all over again.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @jodifur, oh sweetie – please don’t worry about that! I totally got that and THAT project isn’t freaking me out (too badly). It was the column pitching stuff we were discussing. ;-)

      That being said – it has meant so, so much to me that you’ve made an effort to be friends with me. So.. thanks for that.

  32. Alice says:

    You’re funny and vulnerable and raw and honest. Who needs cool? Cool is boring. Imagine that you’re a quirky lovable protagonist of your own personal sitcom. Is your audience rooting for you? Of course they are. Would they root for you if you never let your guard down? Maybe. But you wouldn’t be as much fun to watch.

    Let other people be cool; let yourself get rejected, if that’s what it takes. Put yourself out there because you *can* have what you want. You’re good. I don’t know who these people are, but I suspect they don’t have as much power as you imagine.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Alice, ok, so this comment made my jaw drop. I was a) humbled to have you comment because I have long been aware of your success and have recently become a fan of your talent since I started following your blog after meeting you at BlogHer – and b) kind of MORTIFIED that you saw THIS post. Sheesh.

      But mostly – thank you. As I said, I have a huge amount of respect and admiration for you, so I really appreciate your encouragement.

      • Alice says:

        @Miss Britt, I didn’t see *only* this post! I’ve been following *you* since I met you at Blogher, and I’m a fan. Consider me one of your team of cheerleaders.

  33. Lisa says:

    Cool is in the eye of the beholder. You, my friend, are cool. People who look down their noses at people they deem lesser are *not* cool, no matter how big a deal they are on the internet (see what I did there? You’re supposed to laugh now). Those people are just assholes.

    I can think of many times in my life I’ve felt this same way, but you can’t let it hold you back. You’ve sent emails to companies telling them you want to try their ugly shoes, you can totally do this. Send the emails.

    For me confidence is 80% smoke and mirrors, but no one knows the difference. Fake it till you make it baby.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Lisa, “I can think of many times in my life I’ve felt this same way, but you can’t let it hold you back.”

      And that’s really it, isn’t it? Not letting the anxiety paralyze and trap us.

      xo

  34. So much to say to this post, but let’s start off by being honest. Some of the cool kids? Are just bitches. THAT’S why they act/react the way they do. It has nothing to do with YOU. (Some of the cool kids are also very nice and supportive, but you already know that too.) Be yourself, pursue your dreams … if one person rejects you along the way it will only lead you on a path to the person/people who won’t.
    xo

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Twenty Four At Heart, well you’re definitely right that 99% of the time, how someone responds to us is not about us. Much needed reminder – thank you.

  35. I have already typed this once. Then I deleted it. Not only am I not cool, I’m older than hell. It’s impossible to change that. There is one quote that helped me when I was your age, and it still helps me to this day. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” It was Eleanor Roosevelt’s conviction, and I had to make it mine. Now THAT was one cool woman.

  36. Maria says:

    Show me one person that actually thinks they’re cool, and I’ll show you a deluded asshole. Or maybe just a plain asshole. I for one think you’re cool. Me, nope. But, then again, I’m one of those people that don’t really care about being cool. All I know is that everyone that *I* know, knows you.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Maria, some people can pull it off with grace. OK, I only know one person, but she’s really remarkable in how she accepts that she is cool but not better than other people.

      (and again… thank you.)

  37. Kristin says:

    I totally know what you mean. I don’t think I call it “cool” but I don’t think I call it anything but “anything but me.” Terrible.

    The worst part is when you are being genuine and who you are and there’s no response. I could sound like a stuffy snot in my emails and responses, but I choose to sound informal because well, that’s who I am. Sometimes people respond and sometimes they don’t. And I have to remember that the world is that way and they ALL aren’t going to like me.

    No, I take that back. The worst part is knowing you still feel inferior even though there is a part of you that knows you’re not.

    I do my best to blame hormones when I can.

    Have a good day, Britt.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Kristin, “The worst part is when you are being genuine and who you are and there’s no response.” Oh holy hell YES. That right there is the scariest part of “being yourself”, because if you DO get rejected, you have to live with the fact that it was the real you that got turned down.

  38. I’m sorry I didn’t see this yesterday. I apparently have you in my feedreader at work, but not at home. I’ll have to fix that.

    There was a movie that came out a few years ago called “Win a Date With Tad Hamilton”. At one point this waitress who is in love with the guy who is in love with the girl who is infatuated with Tad Hamilton (big actor man) says “We all have our Tad Hamiltons… she is yours… you… are mine.”

    Drop out the whole romance thing and that’s what you have here. I don’t know which women you’re considering super talented and cool. But for me, just starting out… some of the ones I consider to be amazing are so far beyond where I think I’ll ever be. The Jenny Dawson’s and Allie Brosh’s of the world. But to me, YOU are where I would aspire to be. I think YOU are the one who is talented and cool and funny. You make me want to read what you write and you make me want to know and interact with you.

    Those women you speak of are your Tad Hamilton. You are mine. Everyone is someone’s Tad Hamilton. (again in the most strictly non-romantic type way).

    And now that you’re totally confused because like only 2 people actually saw that movie… my work here is done. :)

    HM

  39. Becky says:

    You have inspired me to be better, reach further, dream bigger, hope more, and believe it possible. I want to be you when I grow up. You have always been ‘one of the cool kids’ to me, and I’ve always been one of the tag-alongs. So, if you’re not cool, then I don’t want to be cool either.

  40. Tami says:

    After reading your post and reading all the comments, I can’t help but think that you are very fortunate to have so many people rally around you.

    Those feelings of self loathing and the inability to hit the send button are all part and parcel to the depression that you suffer. I know because I suffer from it too. It’s much to easy for us to hear those negative thoughts, the trick is to find ways to ignore them. Hard to do but it can be done. Sometimes it just takes a deep breath and a die right in.

    All the advice you’ve been given to hit the send button is spot on, if you can’t do it yourself ask someone to do it for you. In that long list of addressees there’s at least one acceptance if not more. All the rejections are just stepping stones towards the good stuff.

  41. zchamu says:

    1. So you know I was totally scared to meet you, right? ‘Cause you’re one of the cool kids. True story.

    2. I’ve had encounters with cool, hip, uber-bloggers and almost all of them have been utterly friendly and wonderful and amazing. The few that weren’t, well, I learned something about them, and I added it to my mental file and walked away. My point here? Most of the people that seem intimidating from afar, aren’t intimidating at all in person. They probably feel as goofy as anyone else.

  42. racheal says:

    I just read this and I got angry(not at you but at the situation) and upset and got my feelings all hurt for you and I wanted so much more for you. I wanted you to know how special you are and how amazing I think you are. I wanted you to know that *those people*, those people in your head and sometimes in real life, don’t matter. You don’t want to be around them anyway. I wanted to say BRITT REINTS, don’t, don’t go into the darkness and don’t play this horrible yucky game of if only.

    I wanted to tell you, you’re my cool person.

    and when you write back, I giggle a little.

    You inspire me.

    You teach me to be myself. To love myself.

    So don’t.

    Don’t put yourself down because you?

    You’re my cool person.

  43. Loukia says:

    Lady, you ARE COOL! You were one of the bloggers I was DYING to meet at BlogHer but I totally thought you’d never ever speak to me at all. I thought you were TOO COOL for me and then somehow I was talking to you at the Nikon party and OMG you were NICE and totally friendly. So there. You’re super cool and I thought I’d be totally intimidated by you but I wasn’t because you were super awesome!

  44. sam says:

    You got it in your update. Also? Do your best not to care about the opinions of people who don’t treat you well. As Dr. Seuss once said, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

    In the meantime, don’t think about pitches, etc. as being relevant to coolness, because they’re really not (it might get you in the door, but it’s not going to keep it from hitting you in the ass on your way out if you’re not good); make your case compelling and make what you’re offering useful and interesting to the people you’re contacting and you’ll get a long way. A lack of response might just mean you’re not quite there yet.

  45. Jamie says:

    Okay. I have no idea who you are talking ~ I’m that far on the ice side of cool. Let’s refine what is cool.Like you said, it takes someone extremely confident to just be. Long ago I decided that it takes WAY TOO much energy to put on a persona. Energy that can be directed toward doing so much good. The times in life when I have been snobbiest, bitchiest and ugliest (if only in my mind), have been the times when I have been the most self-absorbed and unhappy. I don’t think fitting like Cinderella into the glass slipper of cool ever made anyone happy — if it was an act. Just be you, trust in God and things will work out better than any of us can plan in our own small way. He’s got much bigger things in store.

  46. I am feeling some of that at the moment, on a much smaller scale, of course. And I keep telling myself, “the worst they can say is no!”
    then I realize that I sound like my mother, and agonize over that for awhile, instead.

  47. Alexandra says:

    You know, I’ve been following you since I saw you at a comment at one of my old faves that’s gone now, remember “ok where was I?” I miss her.

    anyway, i love how you write,

    and what a question here, beautifully writen.

    are they cool? or do we have the social proof they’re cool. cuz you have 90 comments here, on this post, pretty cool, right?

    I, also, wonder, how it’s determined who gets the effin’ key and who doesn’t.
    right now, the 2 bitches across the street who look down their noses at me have it.

    or, do I let them have it?

    smiles.

  48. theewens says:

    You, not cool? You gotta be kidding me. I peed in my pants when I met you at BlogHer. You are cool and then some.

  49. You know, I felt a little awkward asking to meet you at BlogHer for coffee because you are who I consider to be “cool”. I had this two second twinge of “why would she want to bother?” And then I realized 1. I was being ridiculous, and 2. I was being unbelievably unkind to you by thinking this way. When you draped your tiny arms around my neck in a hug, I knew I made the right choice in reaching out ;)

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