I have good news.
Jared is getting a vasectomy this week!!
Oh, I kid. I mean, he is and it is good news to me, but he, apparently, is not quite ready to throw a party about it. In fact, he “can’t believe you are making light of this, Britt.”
Boys and their wee-wees.*
But seriously, my good news:
What that means, for those of you that don’t blog, is that something I wrote was chosen out of over 1,000 submissions to be one of 90 pieces that will be featured and honored at a gala in New York City during the upcoming BlogHer 10 conference.
You know it’s a big deal because they use the word gala.
Also, an artist is going to be creating some kind of artwork based on this post that I wrote and that art will be auctioned off to help benefit clean up efforts in the Gulf. I’m excited and nervous to see what she comes up with, because it’s kind of on her to make sure we have something people want to bid on. (But no pressure, Robin!)
But mostly, I’m in freaking awe that I am one of 90 writers. One of 90, which seems like a big number until you put it next to 1,000. And not only am I one of 90, but my husband is going to be in New York City at this gala to see my work honored. Women, I know you get it. Women who write all these words on the Internet and struggle to make sense of it in words not on the Internet to people you live with? I know you get it.
My writing is being honored.
And my husband is going to see it firsthand.
That is good news.
And Faiqa’s news is better.
Faiqa, who we all know I love as much as one straight woman can love another straight woman, is one of 15 people who was asked to read something she wrote at the Community Keynote before the gala.
One of 15.
This? This is huge. This is the be all to end all for people who do what I do. And while she didn’t even freaking know how huge it was when she found out and had to have it very carefully explained to her while someone maybe resisted the urge to shake her very hard – I honestly couldn’t be more proud of her.
Yeah, proud.
Happy for her? Sure, OK. Insane jealousy may rank just a littttttle bit higher than happy for her.
But proud? Proud most of all.
Because not only do I know what piece she’s reading (which is a secret I’m not supposed to know! Ha! Rebels we are!) and how much every single one of us should read it, but because I know who she is and how much every single one of us should be blessed with an opportunity to be exposed to a piece of that for a moment.
This woman whose words are being honored even more than my own is my friend. And the really great news is that who she is will be getting the attention it deserves.
And that’s almost as good as Jared getting a vasectomy.
*I am probably going to be in worse trouble** for the wee-wee comment than the vasectomy humor.
**I am not sure if Faiqa or Jared*** will be more upset for my use of wee-wee/vasectomy humor in this post.
***Anyone want to make side bets?
Congratulations to you for being one of 90! So happy for you! And yay for Faiqa! And umm… yay (and ouch?) for Jared. Sadly the first thing that came to mind was the episode of The Hills where Spencer Pratt went to the doctor’s office to get a vasectomy. Hopefully you have no clue what I’m talking about.
Can I sit with y’all this year, so that I don’t have to find out months later that you’re watching my uncomfortable reactions to some of these things? Okay, good.
I wouldn’t let him read my tweets from “the procedure.” I deliberately did not read folks’ accounts of it online until afterward.
Vasectomys RULE! Patrick had his, drove himself home, then played hockey 5 days later.
And HUUUUUURRRAAAAYYYYYYYY for you and Faiqa! I’m proud to know ye.
So excited for both (all three?) of you!
Congrats! How awesome is that? (For everybody but the balls.)
Oh, didn’t they tell you? They switched up the artists, and now I’m the one drawing the art for your piece. Hope you don’t mind stick figures, penises, and chicken scratch artwork!
Seriously, though, I’m impressed with both of you. Especially since we all know that MY piece was so amazingly written that they’re honoring it at a super secret gala where nobody’s going to be there except me and it’s going to be in my room and I’ll be reading it out loud to myself.
Congratulations, you two. And good luck, Jared.
I am so crazy thrilled for you and @faiqa. While I am not into the BlogHer function, even I know that you both are being given a big time honor. And you both deserve this.
This? This us big enough for me to want to attend the BlogHer. Dammit.
Also, while I can appreciate Jared being apprehensive about the snip snip, this is also great news. You know I am all about the sex any and every damn where so this is all Yaaaaaay! (Besides, doesn’t this mean I get to do Jared on the roof of some aquarium now? I have a witness. XOXO)
I’m so happy for both you and Faiqa! What an honor! I wish I could be there to hear Faiqa read her piece. I’m sure it will be amazing.
Hubs had the snipsnip a little under a year ago. He was completely freaked out beforehand, but said that overall it wasn’t too bad. And I was finally able to quit freaking myself out with being an hour late. I may have issues or something.
Congratulations!!
I am going to bet on Jared. You know the rule about talking about your husband’s wee wee on the internet don’t you? When you wrote about it you can only say how HUGE it is.
Well, fuck. You ladies are awesome. I am humbled before you. You do realize that you both deserve this right? You do. Honestly. I’m thrilled for you guys and pissed that I couldn’t be there to share it with you.
Mister got snipped about 100 years ago. ‘Twas nothing. Just make sure to buy some frozen peas. He’ll need them. And make a big fuss over him for one day. He’ll be fine.
Here’s some advice for Jared.
Tight fitting underwear…I mean TIGHT…so there is NO jiggle. Also buy a very LARGE ice pack (like you use for coolers) and stick it where the sun don’t shine until it is numb (large facial ice packs that women use over their eyes work well too). Repeat for two days straight. I kid not.
The above is the BEST ADVICE we were ever given in regards to vasectomies.
PS: when the doctor says stay off your feet and no heavy lifting for 48 hours+ he means it. Also when he tell you if you don’t his testicles will blow up to the size of large balloons he isn’t joking. GOOGLE IT.
Good luck!
K.
Oh Babe!! I’m so supah-thrilled for you!! And so unbelievably sad that I’m going to miss it… sniff. I’ll read ALL ABOUT it! And love you more for it. So, SO good for you, girl, WOW!!!
Oh, and that vasectomy will be such a good thing in a few weeks…
You’re a fucker, and I’m proud of the both of you. Again, you are a fucker
You better make sure you don’t pay with MasterCard and then forget to pay the bill. They send two bill collectors to come over and knock you up.
What do a Christmas tree and a man who’s had a vasectomy have in common?
They both have ornamental balls.
Yeah, ok. Couldn’t help myself. (Kris’s advice above is spot on.)
I understood what an immense honor this was the moment I knew you had recd it too. My writing being held in the same esteem as yours is an honor on its own. Seriously.
Oh, and what Jared said.
Oh wow, I’m nearly in tears. I read the post that is being honored and I love it. Such truth and poignancy. Congratulations, Britt! I’m proud of YOU. And glad I’m your sister-in-love.
Wow, to all 3 of you. Just WoW.
Congratulations!
And may I suggest stocking up on frozen peas? I hear they make nice ice packs because the packaging bends and folds better than solid blocks of ice or cold packs.
Congrats to both of you. Yes, it is a HUGE honor! (Vascectomy? Easy. Just ask my husband!)
A big congrats to two women who truly deserve it…
…and a hooray to Jared too, “Weeee!”
I feel like this is BlogHer’s way of sucking people in and getting more people to pay their exorbitant rates to attend. After all, if one is being honored, shouldn’t one pony up the money to attend? Blogher started up as kind of a cool idea, but it’s changed from a grassroots organization, and mushroomed into a huge money-making enterprise. I think you’re a great writer, but I think the being honored part is a scam.
@Dana,
i find this comment to be incredibly shitty and not at all supportive of britt (or faiqa). regardless of your thoughts on blogher and their gala, couldn’t you have left it at “i think you’re a great writer” (and maybe added a congratulations)? i’m not a fan of the whole blogher thing, yet i can still be excited for my friend who planned to attend way before the announcement.
@Dana, only the 15 people who are chosen to read HAVE to be there, and they aren’t chosen until – well – now. It’d be awfully late to book a ticket for that one reason.
@Dana, tell us how you really feel, dammit!
While I respect your opinion about BlogHer as an organization (and you are not alone in your beliefs), the Voices of the Year gala nomination opportunity was announced in early March, a few weeks AFTER BlogHer10′ tickets were already sold out. I am not sure how the scam aspect fits here.
Stop drinking the haterade. Seriously.
Congrats on the gala:)
And…I joke that I’m the only wife I know to be kicked out of her husband’s vasectomy for giggling. Only I’m not joking. I really did. His doctor started talking about infections that can cause what looks like a third testicle…I lost it. Full on church giggles.
Congrats to you and Faiqa! Good Luck, Jared.
Congrats on the gala and on Jared’s procedure!
It’s really pretty easy and all he’s allowed to do all weekend is lay on the couch with his pain killers. Maybe he needs a bell? hehehe
[...] realized this was a big deal when my very dear friend, Britt, who ranks among the 90 finalists and is very famous on the Internet, screamed, I HATE YOU!!! upon finding out I was chosen to read [...]
Condolences to Jared, congrats to you and Faiqa.
It won’t let me reply to comments.
@hello haha narf I did sound a bit shitty, I know, but it was directed toward blogher, not Britt. I have much ill will toward blogher, and it was apparently too prevalent in my comment.I just can’t help but think this is an angle…
@Britt I’m sorry I pooped on your comments. You’re a phenomenal writer and you deserve to be recognized. Congrats!
@Dana,
the “sorry i pooped on your comments” made me laugh loudly enough that coworkers asked why i was laughing. when i simply replied “poop” my coworkers started laughing. thanks for that!
How you managed to talk about Jared’s balls in the same post as Faiqa makes me laugh and laugh…
Congrats to you and Faiqa, and as for Jared’s balls – well – have fun on the drugs Jman! They are trippy apparently!
Congratulations to you and Faiqa! And Jared, too.
You have traumatized me. I’m clutching my wee wee in fear.
Congrats on the “gala” (awesome word)!
I know how hard it is to produce good work
WooHoo!! Congrats! Rock that gala woman!!
Oh that is great news about you and Faiqa. Fantastic! Wish I could attend BlogHer to see yuou both.
I am sorry to tell Jared that the testes will swell up like melons. Sorry, mate, you’re going to be walking like a cowboy for a while.
I would give my condolences to Jared, but think about it this way….after the swelling and pain goes down, there will be tons of opportunities for gratuitous free-will monkey lovin’ all over the country for Britt AND Jared.
So for THAT, I say Congrats to you BOTH!
Oh!!!! Congratulations!!! How did I miss this post?? I’m so excited for you – that’s an awesome honor – one so well deserved.
Even better news…the Big V!!!
Life is good
Congratulations