A Sign Of The Times: my husband at BlogHer

Friday, July 2nd, 2010

We share a love of NYC street meat.

As of about two days ago, my husband is coming with me to New York City on August 5th.

For a blogging convention.

My husband doesn’t blog, and he’s certainly not a BlogHer, but he’s coming with me anyway.  The airline tickets have been purchased, the cocktail party pass has been acquired, and the hotel room is – well, right now it’s a little full, actually, what with me, Jared, Faiqa, Faiqa’s husband and Faiqa’s two children technically staying in the same double bed room.  (Because as long as my husband is going, then why shouldn’t her husband go, too?)  But we’ll be fine.

If you know me – or know “me and Jared” – you probably know this is a very big deal.  If you don’t?  This is a very big deal.

I made plans to attend BlogHer several months ago.  When I booked my own flight, Jared asked if he could go.

I said no.

And then I kind of backtracked a little and said “it’s not that you can’t go, it’s just that I would – if I’m being totally honest – prefer if you didn’t go.”  Because, you know, that sounded a lot better.  The problem, I explained to him, was that Jared has absolutely no interest in listening to people talk about blogging, which is what I’d be doing for most of the trip.  And what, I asked, would Jared possibly do in New York City while I was spending all of that time listening to people talk about blogging?

His response was something about “it’s New York Fucking City, Britt – are you kidding me?”

But I was worried.  He’d be bored.  He’d feel self conscious.  He wouldn’t want to walk around the City alone and he’d resent me for not being able to hang out with him more and I would be so worried about him being bored and not spending enough time with me that I wouldn’t be able to just freaking relax and do what I was spending all that damn money to do in the first place.

“You wouldn’t have to worry about me,” he said.

What I heard was “gobldee gook blah blah shnuffinheimer”, because not worrying about how someone else was feeling was simply not in my vocabulary. Not being responsible for how my husband was feeling was a completely foreign concept to me.  Right, wrong, alienating or otherwise, I would feel responsible for him if he was there.  The end.

As the months went by, the subject of BlogHer came up when we talked to other blogger/non-blogger couples.  And damn near all of the blogging wives were being accompanied to NYC by their non-blogging husbands.

“What the hell will you do while she’s at this blogging conference?” I asked all non-blogging spouses.

“It’s New York Fucking City, Britt – are you kidding me?” they all responded.

“Won’t you worry?” I asked the wives.  And they mostly looked at me like I was a crazy person who was mistaking their husbands for their children or something.  So there was that.

As the months continued to go by, Jared and I kept working on this bizarre habit we shared of needing to be responsible for each other.  Not responsible to, but responsible for.  I wasn’t just his wife and he wasn’t just my husband, but I was the person who made him feel, think, be, do – all of it.  And he was mine.  And while we agreed long ago, very early on in our marriage counseling journey, that this type of thinking was insanity, letting go of the weight of responsibility has been easier to understand than to execute.

Practice. Practice. And more practice.

And then, earlier this week, I asked him if he would go to BlogHer with me.

I didn’t ask because I thought it would make him feel better.  Or because I thought I should.  I asked because I was nervous about a few things, and I thought it would be really awesome to have my husband there to support me if I ever find myself in New York City feeling insecure.  And, it’s New York Fucking City – are you kidding me?  How much fun would it be to share it with my husband again?

In a matter of months, I’ve gone from looking at my husband as someone who needs to taken care of to seeking out my husband as a source of strength, support, and genuinely fun companionship.  If you know me – or know “me and Jared” – you probably know this is a very big deal. If you don’t know me?  This is a very big deal.

And I think we’re going to have a blast.

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  1. avitable says:

    I think you will have a blast, too. Even if he doesn’t want to share a king-size bed with me. And put his hand between those pillows.

  2. Michelle says:

    Britt, I have to say… first the secure woman post, now this?? I think I like you even more. Keep doing what you’re doing because confidence and just being who YOU are looks good on you!

  3. Just Me says:

    That’s awesome for both of you!

  4. Coma Girl says:

    I live in NY and I’m not going to BlogHer. I’d love to show your cutie husband around NYC ;)

    Kidding, you guys will have a great time!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Coma Girl, I tried to find a picture of you before giving my answer. All I could find was a picture of your daughter with gorgeous, red curly hair.

      At the risk of that being hereditary, I’m going to have to politely decline your offer.

      The guy has a thing about curls.

  5. Hockeymandad says:

    Awesome, us guys can hang out while you Hers do your thing!

  6. muskrat says:

    As long as this doesn’t equate to restrictor plate racing.

  7. Mandi Bone says:

    I am staying in a hotel room with Angie and Patrick. So I hope that means that I get to hang out with you and Jared.

  8. I’m so glad he’s going! You’ll both have an awesome time. :)

  9. Lisa says:

    Wow, you just totally flipped a light switch on for me. I would have done exactly the same thing. My husband hates crowds and social occasions where he doesn’t feel like he has anything in common with the people there, and I would spend the whole time worrying that he was hating it. Huh. I’m going to have to think about that for a while.

    I think I’m going to have to go to BlogHer next year because I’m sitting here wishing I was going this year.

  10. Seeing as I am one of those lady bloggers who is bringing her husband and told you it’s “New York Fucking City,” Jared needs to thank me.

  11. Loralee says:

    I’m trying to figure out what I’d do if my husband wanted to come with me. Hmm…

  12. B.E. Earl says:

    He could hang out with me in NYC while you are doing the bloggy stuff. Of course, that will probably wind up with him being terribly drunk at one of NYC’s seedier dive bars at 11 in the morning. A NY experience everyone should try once in their lives.

  13. Aunt Becky says:

    Hells yes you are. Daver’s going too!

  14. This is a really lovely post. You know every year Jory and Lisa’s partners go to the conference, no matter where it is. Mine has come once, to the closing keynote in 2006.

    But then, I’ve never really invited him.

    I have to think about that.

  15. Very cool. The progress the two of you have made is so very, very cool.

    And tell Jared that Dave will be there, too. Maybe he can help him wrangle my kids.

  16. Maria says:

    He should totally hang with George.

  17. Becca says:

    I’m so happy for you both, that’s a lot to change!! I know you will both have a blast!! :)

  18. Ah Britt thats just great, so happy for you both as you have come so far. For my 40th birthday in 3 years time I am planning a trip to New york with my husband and a few close friends, its New fucking York, a dream city with loads to do!!

  19. Sybil Law says:

    Of course you’re both gonna love it – it’s New York Fucking City!!
    Big deal, good times. Have fun!

  20. anymommy says:

    I love this post. I think you will both have a blast – apart and together! I’m looking forward to seeing you again.

  21. NYCWD says:

    AWESOME!

    Now I have someone I can make fun of all the croc lovin’ schwag sucking superiority complex suffering mommy bloggers with!

    I’ll bring the beer.

  22. Poppy says:

    If he wants to come you’re not responsible for him or his ability to find fun activities so he can go do whatever he wants while he’s here!

    I’m attending BlogHer party stuff / hanging out with BlogHer participants but I’m not going to BlogHer. Ok, I do occasionally blog, but still… you can come to NYC even if you don’t!

  23. Faiqa says:

    I’m glad you asked him and that he’s going to be there because, helllo JARED!!! :)

  24. Kellee says:

    That sounds like insanely wonderful progress! I hope you both have a wonderful time. :)

    I also hate you a little bit for going, but that’s just the jealousy talking ;)

  25. sassymonkey says:

    My husband is going. He went last year in Chicago too. The only difference is that this year he asked for a party pass (last year he kind of crashed a cocktail party and had a blast…and he doesn’t even drink). Last year he designed his own walking tour of Chicago for the first day of the conference and the second day he went to a Cub’s game. No clue what he’s doing this year but I suspect more walking and generally doing things that I’d do with him if he asked but he knows that I’m not that interested in. (No Yankees game though as the price made us cry.)

  26. I can’t wait to love on both of you!! YAYAYAYAY

  27. Nancy says:

    Now I’m really bummed that we’re not going. Steve would have loved to hang out with Jared and Mr. Faiqua and Patrick and all the dudes. Crap. Where did I put that time machine? Oh yea. It’s next to the money tree.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Nancy, I’m bummed, too. I was telling Jared this weekend about “nancy’s cat puking for you!” and realized you guys hadn’t met yet. :-(

  28. while i have no desire to attend the conference itself, you make me wanna go and hang with jared in new york fucking city while you do the blogher thing.
    can i sleep in your bathtub?

  29. jodifur says:

    I don’t think it would even occur to my husband to come to blogher with me. I think it is sweet he wants to come.

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