My last week as a turd. Hopefully.

Friday, March 19th, 2010

My friend Courtney, who is easily one of the most naturally gorgeous people I know, has talked me into potentially making an ass of myself.

Again.

You see, Courtney has a baby who is almost a year old now, and she has decided that she is sick and tired of carrying around her extra “baby weight”.  While most people I know would never look at Courtney and see anything but a drop dead gorgeous blond bombshell, she’s decided that’s not good enough for her.  She wants to be healthy and in shape.

Unfortunately for me, Courtney is not only beautiful, but ridiculously fucking sweet.  You’d have to be a major jerk to ever be able to tell this woman no.  And, so, when she asked me if I would be interested in doing the 12 week Body-for-Life challenge with her, I said yes.  When she asked me if I was sure, I said yes again.  All three times.

Truth be told, I didn’t agree just because she is irresistibly sweet.

I?  Am sick and tired of watching my body go to shit.  I’m tired of being tired in the afternoon.  I’m tired of my preschooler beating me in our daily foot race to her school’s front door – and not because I let her win, but because my legs and lungs are burning by the time I get half way up the sidewalk.  I’m tired of reaching the end of the day and knowing that I didn’t take care of myself as well as I should.  I’m tired of writing article after article about health and weight loss and knowing that I am a statistic waiting to happen.

But I’m also freaking terrified.

Because I?  Am not so great at finishing things.  I’ve finished high school, the Twilight series, and several already canceled TV series on DVD.  And an entire cheesecake by myself.  Repeatedly.  But beyond that?  Not so much.  I have started a great many things in my life.  I started college.  I started ROTC.  I started exercise programs and cycling classes.  I’ve bought (and sold) a treadmill, an exercise ball, a Wii Fit and a library full of fitness DVDs.  But finishing has never been my strong suit.

I’m afraid that starting this and not finishing it will reinforce an internal belief that I am a quitter.  That I have no follow through.  That I’m weak willed.  That I’m scatter brained and well intentioned but lack self discipline.  I am scared out of my mind of having to face myself as that person.

I have never felt the fear of failure as strongly as I do right now – but I’m trying anyway.

I used up my remaining gift card balance at Amazon and bought the Body-for-Life book and the Body-for-Life Success Journal.  I’ve read the book and will spend the weekend writing my goals and taping my “before” picture into the journal.  Dear God Help Me, I’m going to actually take a before picture.  In my swimsuit.  And print it out and tape it in a freaking book so that I have to look at it every day.  And then I will probably ask my husband a hundred times a day what in the hell he is thinking by having sex with me.

This weekend I’ll plan my meals for my first week and go grocery shopping.  On Sunday night, I’ll sit down and plan out my workout routine for the next morning.  I’ve set a date with Courtney and my other friend who might not yet want to make her commitment public to get together next Sunday and discuss our progress.

And now I’m telling you, in the hopes that the idea of failing publicly will help motivate me to keep going when I’m tempted to quit.

Because oh, dear Lord, how I am afraid to quit.

Opt In Image
Need happiness for the real world?

You want to be happy. You want to be grateful. You want to be authentic and courageous. But you also have stuff to do.

Take the Happiness Challenge, a 31-day email guide that helps busy people like you make room for happiness.

  1. muskrat says:

    good luck…i too am always hesitant to commit to something i don’t think i’ll be able to finish, but perhaps committing publicly will help, right? and even if you don’t finish, a few weeks of the program is better than no weeks, right? see how i made your weekend better?

  2. Avitable says:

    I have no doubt that you’ll be able to do this. I think you finish things that have an ending in sight.

    And I won’t buy any cheesecake to just casually leave on your counter even if I really, really want to do it just to fuck with you.

  3. Lee Brookes says:

    Best of look with this and we will support you all the way :)

  4. Maria says:

    My roommate did this in college and loved it.

  5. Grumble Girl says:

    You can totally do it, girl… I’m proud of you already. For reals. Yay!!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Grumble Girl, he he he, I’m not sure what it says about me that the threshold for me inspiring pride is so low – but I’ll take it!

  6. Momma says:

    We have the cookbook…..hubby and I did this for ONE YEAR….stick with it you will feel fabulous… I have the legal BFL cheesecake recipe. Remember to religiously do the free day. It will keep you on the program, just say to yourself, “I’ll have this______(insert anything you want, no restrictions) on Sunday. “(our free day) Have your mashed potatoes, gravy, pasta, KFC, whatever. The rest of the time is very low glycemic.
    You’ll be surprised that eventually you’ll be relieved when it isn’t your free day because you actually start to prefer the ‘clean’ eating.
    The exercises are very important to do to your absolute limit. You can do it. You will love it.
    Now, this has given me the desire to return to BFL

  7. RW says:

    Strangely (because funnily is NOT a word to be used with “enough”) enough I announced to MrsRW that Monday I’m going back on my program. I am 56 going on 87 here if I don’t watch it, so though I’m not doing this fitness regime you speak of I will be right there with you. Well, over here but with you. Sort of.

  8. Finn says:

    Yay! This is what I do! I’m not doing the weight-lifting program right now (I’m doing something else), but I’m doing the cardio and have been doing the eating thing for like eight or nine years.

    The free day is a blessing because whatever you’re craving, you can have. And the first time you overdo it on your free day will be the last time.

    It’s an amazing, sustainable program. I have the cookbook too. I can scan recipes and send them to you. Most of them are very good – Lil’ M likes ‘em too.

    Let me know what I can do to help!

    • Faiqa says:

      @Finn, OK. You’re hot. I want to be like you. I mean, like a me version of you. Therefore, I must also do this.

      It’s logic reasoning at its finest over here, people.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Finn, it is SO encouraging to know THIS is why you look the way you do!

      And yes, after a couple of weeks I think I will totally be begging you for recipes.

  9. Lisa says:

    Boy do I ever know that fear! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost gotten to the finish line only to bounce right back to the beginning. I wish you all the best! I’m starting my own program Monday morning, which I guess I’m going public with right now! I don’t think I’ll be blogging it because I’ve been there, done that. But feel free to email me if you need some moral support. Misery loves company!

  10. Momma says:

    PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE

    Servings, 8

    INGREDIENTS

    2 CUPS LOW FAT RICOTTA CHEESE
    1 CAN (15OZ) PUMPKIN PUREE
    1/2 CUP SUGAR FREE MAPLE SYRUP
    5 TBSP SUGAR SUBSTITUTE
    1 TSP PUMPKIN PIE SPICE
    1 TSP VANILLA EXTRACT
    3/4 CUP VANILLA PROTIEN POWDER (IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT WITH THE PROTIEN POWDER, INSTEAD I USED 1/2 CUP SILKY SOFT TOFU AND ONE EGG)
    1 READY CRUST REDUCED FAT GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST
    1 CUP COOL WHIP FREE

    DIRECTIONS
    PREHEAT OVEN TO 400 F
    COMBINE FIRST 8 INGREDIENTS IN LARGE BOWL MIXING WELL.
    POUR INTO PREPARED CRUST, SMOOTHING TO EVEN OUT
    BAKE TILL FILLING IS SET, TEST WITH TOOTHPICK MAKING SURE IT COMES OUT CLEAN.

    COOL FOR 15 MINUTES, THEN REFRIGERATE FOR AT LEAST 2 HOURS.

    SLICE INTO 8 SLICES, TOP WITH COOL WHIP, ENJOY

    ONE SLICE EQUALS ONE OF YOUR SIX “MEALS”

  11. Haley says:

    Good luck! You can do it! I recently found out that I have PCOS and am insulin resistant, so I’m at all kinds of risk for diabetes, so that’s my motivation. Having friends who are doing the same thing you are makes it sooo much easier! Good luck!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Haley, it really does. Jared said he’d be supportive but I know the first time he said to me “did you workout today?” I’d be like “Did YOU? No? FUCK OFF!”

      Heh.

      But maybe that’s just me.

      • Haley says:

        @Miss Britt, I’m TOTALLY the same way. My mom’s been telling me to work out since I was 12, and I react very badly to being told I’m fat and I have to lose weight. I cried for 2 days after the doctor told me about the PCOS. So I’m right there with ya! Woe to the person who tells ME what to do!

  12. Paige says:

    I did this back in 2001 & had great results with it. I also did it with a buddy which I think is really helpful to keep you both on track.

    Bill Phillips is coming out with a new book in April I think, but there is a website already out there. http://www.transformation.com/

    Good luck!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Paige, can I ask why you stopped?

      And – um – the bangs on Bill in his picture on that site are seriously FREAKING ME OUT!

      • Paige says:

        @Miss Britt, I just checked out his picture. Yeah I’m not really a fan of highlighted straightened bangs on a man!

        Unfortunately I have a long history of starting & stopping diets. When I stopped BFL it was a variety of factors, I wasn’t with the guy who I started it with, work got busy, and I burned out on the working out 6 days a week in the mornings.

        I actually have been thinking about doing it again. I’ve been working out tons for the past 3 months with no visible progress, and I know my eating is a big part of it.

        Hope your first week goes well!

  13. shiny says:

    I, too, have had that same anxiety about not finishing which makes it a whole lot easier to simply not start than to potentially set myself up for failure. It’s truly a pain in the ass, and it puts oneself in a cycle of defeat. It’s why I had never put myself on any real weight loss / exercise regimen before. Why do it if I’m not going to win the race with flying colors?

    Eventually, however, I did do it. I’m certainly not finished, and I’ve had my share of setbacks. But for me, I had to shape my mindset to _not_ see stalling along the way as total failure where it was compulsory to start over. Nobody is perfect. It’s about getting back on and moving forward. I know that it’s easier said than done, but once you’re able to get things resumed and see some successes of the goals along the way, it gets much easier to do. And you’ll look at that “before picture” and see that, indeed, you’ve made progress. That’s what I do with my before picture.

    I wish you the best with this — and I’m glad you have a buddy to do this with.

  14. You go girl…and don’t look back!

  15. Procrastamom says:

    I read that whole book from cover to cover and didn’t lose one pound! That was two months ago and I somehow cannot bring myself to implement the program. Something about working out before I eat in the morning and not loving the eating plan and not having weights….aaaaand I’ve got enough excuses for every chapter of the book.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Procrastamom, I was worried about working out before eating. Did it this morning and can honestly say it didn’t bother me the way I thought it would.

      So, um, I guess that’s one excuse down? lol

  16. Faiqa says:

    As far as starting things and not finishing them, I, too, have struggled with this. I think it’s because I don’t like to do things that I’m not automatically very good at. I hate having to work at being above average at anything. So, I just stick to what I’m good at.

    Unfortunately, I’m not above average at taking good care of my body. And, so… we begin.

    P.S. Courtney is so gorgeous and sweet. I love knowing people like her.

  17. MB says:

    I have faith you will be able to take the challenge and go all the way with it. You can do it!! Good luck.

  18. angel smith says:

    BFL is one of the smartest programs ever. If I had someone preparing my meals for me I’d still be doing it. Maybe. Bc I don’t finish much myself. But I did finish this comment, even though its kind of a pain to comment from a phone. So, there’s that!

  19. Sunny says:

    Best of luck to you! I had no idea about this thing. I’m going to pitch it to my husband ASAP and hopefully we’ll be able to start soon. Best to do it now because when summer hits.. working out in hot and humid is NO fun :D

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Sunny, I wish my husband and I were doing this together. That would be a lot of fun.

      • Sunny says:

        @Miss Britt, I talked to my husband and we’ve agreed to do it. We’re getting our tax return this week hopefully and I’ll be picking up a new blendtec for lots of green smoothies and other goodness. I think we’re going to enter the April 7 competition as well. I’m excited to start, but at the same time I’m dreading it. My husband and I have said many times “Okay, this is IT. We’re doing this diet/exercise NOW.” We’re good for a week and then trickle off.

        I’ll be rooting for you, and for us :D Perhaps we could get together now and then and compare notes, and maybe for a victory meal at Elephant Bar afterwards or something :)

  20. Come do derby with me or Cissa. Cissa would be closer though. I am in the best shape of my life right now. I have awesome cardio, my leg muscles are rock hard, and my endurance is unbelievable!!!

    (Just don’t go and read my blog where I mentioned getting a concussion last week or how one of my team mates broke her leg in two places at practice last night. That will put you off the sport real fast.)

  21. Sam says:

    I’m genuinely not trying to be critical–it’s constructive I promise. But if you really care about being around for your kids and being healthy, why not quit smoking? You really think that little extra weight your carrying is causing you more problem with running rather than your smoking? You’re too young and from the wrong generation to have the same denial as my parents. I really like you, and your blog, but that is what thing I have never understood about you.

    • MB says:

      @Sam, You said what I didn’t have the guts to say in my earlier comment because I hate being the smoking police but …

      Britt, I have to agree with Sam. I was thinking the same thing when I read “my lungs are burning by the time I get half way up the sidewalk” but didn’t have the balls to say it was probably because of the smoking not the bit of extra weight.

      Kicking the contributions to Phillip Morris is the best thing you can do for your health and your family. You are too smart to be doing something so harmful to yourself. Please think about quitting again. It’s so hard but so worth it.

      *jumping off the soap box now*

      • Miss Britt says:

        @MB, I appreciate where you’re coming from, but struggling with an addiction doesn’t have anything to do with being “smart” or “not smart”, unfortunately.

        That being said – yes, I’m aware I need to quit. It’s something I’m working on.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Sam, a couple of things:

      a) it’s not “a little extra weight” that I’m concerned about. Actually, that’s always been something that has prevented me from taking better care of myself, because it’s too easy to tell myself “meh, you’re not THAT bad.”

      b) Statistically, actually, obesity has now reached the point of being just as damaging to public health as smoking. True story. :-)

      c) but mostly – uh, no. I don’t think smoking is OK. I don’t think anyone who smokes now does it because they don’t know it’s unhealthy. I actually spoke with my doctor about it last week (I think last week? something like that) and have a plan in place to quit that.

      The fact that getting up at 5am to workout is actually EASIER than quitting smoking should tell you something about what a bitch of an addiction it is.

      • Momma says:

        @Miss Britt, It was without exception the hardest thing we ever did! Took years of trying, each and every January 2nd. It finally stuck, and it’s been almost 20 years now..so, have faith, you WILL quit. All I know is, I will never QUIT again. But boy, are we ever grateful that we aren’t chained by those cigs anymore.

  22. The few people I know who have tried this program LOVE it. And at least you have some buddies which makes it much easier than going at it alone.

    I hope that not only do you finish it but actually ENJOY it. So says the woman who’s laying on her couch after eating cookie dough.

    GOOD LUCK! YOU’LL DO GREAT!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @samantha Jo Campen, I am not currently enjoying the fact that I can’t lift my arms… but I am pretty proud of actually having gotten out of bed this morning to workout. GO DAY 1!!! lol

  23. Tonz says:

    I am very dedicated to my fitness program…as of last night. I worked out and had healthy food. I am not good at seeing things through either.

    Good luck!! But working with a buddy will definitely help.

    And I don’t respond well when my boyfriend asks if I’ve worked out or what I’ve eaten.

  24. You said turd.

    snicker.

    Good luck!! I need to do EXACTLY what you are doing. But unlike you not finishing things…I am not so good at STARTING things.

    sigh.

  25. yay you for working out! especially getting up early to work out. that’s awesome.
    you aren’t gonna turn into one of those nutjobs that when i visit actually ask if my fat ass wants to go for a walk at the ass crack of dawn, are you? i’ll walk with you, but in the evening. or at the crack of dawn because we have been up drinking all night and haven’t slept yet. :)

    also, i love that you are a quitter so quit smoking! (you know i had to throw that in there, right?)

  26. Bejewell says:

    Listen, I too am a starter, not a finisher, but I managed to lose 35 pounds early last year and KEEP IT OFF, and it was really with minimal pain and effort. I started with walking, then jogging, then running, and somewhere along the way I found some kind of (gasp) LOVE for it, and it was awesome, and I still do it, and now I’m even thinking about a half-marathon in the fall and anyone who knows me would be picking their jaw up off the ground right about now.

    So it can totally be done. You just have to plow through the first few weeks and you’ll find that it’s oddly comforting and therapeutic. Trust me.

    Good luck!

  27. emily s says:

    Oh man! You can do it! I LOVED BFL … seriously, it’s great – the workouts esp! You will see soooooo many results! I used to be a workout-aholic (and then i got married), but seriously its a real program that you can do for “life”… okay, I’m done now.
    I hope it works out! keep us posted and good luck!

  28. sue says:

    You GO GIRL!!!!!

  29. [...] then I took on a 12 week challenge, changed the way I eat, and started going to the gym nearly every morning.  I lost a few pounds, [...]

« « Why the Internet (or anything else in your adult life) is actually NOT “just like high school” | In Which I Give Someone A Wii. For Real. » »