Because “You Make Perfect Sense” is already taken.

We wiped away our tears, signaling the end of our counseling session.

“I just want to say,” her voice was the exact same tone and volume that it always is, “that you guys make perfect sense.”

My eyes flew from my twiddling thumbs to his face.  His lips twitched as he tried to suppress a smile.  We held each other’s gaze for a moment, the silent laughter dancing between us across the facing chairs.  For an instant, we shared a secret joke.

But I’ve never had a secret thought in my life.

“We think you say that to everyone,” I blurted.

Her perfectly serene expression wavered ever so slightly.  She almost looked confused, except that she would never dare to show that much emotion in front of us.

“You always say that. ‘You make perfect sense’.”  I bobbed my head back and forth to drive home the point that I was mimicking her.  “We’ve been trying to figure out if you say that to everyone, or if we’re really especially awesome.”

“Well,” she pulled her cardigan tighter around herself and regained her composure, “I do say that to everyone.”

“I knew it!”  I was triumphant.  Jared was silent and checking for exit routes.

“My husband actually teases me about it; he says it’s my catch phrase.  But I wholeheartedly believe that every couple does make perfect sense.”

A short list of couples popped in my head and I imagined parading them in front of her to see if her theory would hold up.  For some reason the idea of trampling on her optimism amused me.

“I never say something if I don’t mean it though,” she assured us.  “But I really do believe that you guys make sense.  And Jared,” she turned to my silent husband, “you were very, very brave today.”

I made a note to remind him later that she probably says that to everyone too.  Except me.  She never tells me I’m brave, I realized.  Maybe she only says that to the men.

We wrote the check and gathered our things and headed out the door.

“Be good to each other,” she called after us.  I took Jared’s hand as we left the building, the way I always do when she says that.

“Our counselor has a catch phrase!” I said as we walked to the parking lot.

“I know,” said Jared.

“And it’s such a cool catch phrase.  I want a catch phrase!”

“Oh, Lord.”

“All of my catch phrases suck.  Like ‘That’s what I do!’.  That’s what I say whenever I’ve done something shitty.  You know, so I don’t have to worry about like not being shitty in the future or something.”

“Yeah, I know.”

We got in the car and headed home, both of us, I’m sure, trying to imagine what our own catch phrases would be.

“I think our counselor is going to be on Dr. Phil someday,” Jared said.  “She’s going to be on TV saying ‘You make perfect sense’.”

“I’m going to tell everyone we know her.”

“Maybe you should just steal her catch phrase,” Jared laughed.  “You know, it’d be a great title for a book.  Are there laws or anything about stealing someone’s catch phrase?”

“I don’t know.”

“You probably wouldn’t find out until you were on Oprah or something.”

“Yeah, there’s something especially shitty about stealing your marriage counselor’s catch phrase I think.  I need to just come up with my own.”

And so I’ve been thinking about it.

Seriously.

Because in between writing about celebrities and hotels and weight loss surgery, my mind wanders to things like what would be a cool catch phrase. So far, everything I’ve come up with is politically incorrect or socially insensitive, like my tendency to call people retarded.  I’m pretty sure Oprah, and most of my friends, would frown on my liberal use of the R word.

I don’t think Fuck can be considered a catch phrase.  And my grandmother hates that word.  If I ever manage to get on Oprah, I’d like it if my grandmother could actually watch.  Not that she would, but it’s nice to keep that option open.

Lately I’ve been finding I say “my therapist says” a lot, but I don’t think that’s a catch phrase so much as a really annoying habit that I’ll soon be using to explain why my friends have stopped calling.

I got nothing.  It’s been a week since our counselor admitted that she sometimes talks to us in cliches, and I still haven’t been able to come up with one of my own.

I’m taking suggestions.

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  1. muskrat says:

    How about, “as my idol ‘The Muskrat’ always admonishes…”

    Catchy!

  2. Hilly says:

    Hrmmmm, that is hard. You do say a lot of words over and over but not really a catch phrase. I will have to think about this. And damn you, now I have to figure out what mine would be. I think it has something to do with “whatever, I don’t care” or something, hah.

  3. Hilly says:

    Oooooh, “People either really love me or they really don’t”. You’ve said that quite a bit lately for some odd reason.

    • *pixie* says:

      @Hilly, That is almost exactly how a friend used to describe me. I believe her exact phrase was “You either love her or you hate her.” How sweet. :)

      • Hilly says:

        @*pixie*, I know, it’s just so extreme. When I meet people, I have many shades of what I think of them.

        “OMG I love them!”
        “They seemed pretty cool.”
        “Eh, they’re okayish, I guess.”
        “Erm, yeah I don’t think so”
        “Please let’s never be friends”.

        And all of those can change on a whim.

  4. Dick Carlson says:

    “It’s not like we’re still in Iowa…”

  5. avitable says:

    I think you have several excellent catch phrases all ready for market:

    1. “It’s what I do!” – I know you already mentioned this one, but it works because it’s reminiscent of Urkel’s “Did I do that? snort” It immediately excuses any behavior, even if it’s a bit shitty, because people laugh.

    2. “C’mon, it’s funny!” Usually stated after making light of someone’s biggest fear or weakness, this catch phrase has a lot of potential.

    3. “Oh God My Belly” This one mocks you and just like 30 Rock’s “Me Want Food”, attractive women eating too much is always funny.

    I expect 10% of all sales resulting from any commercializing or merchandising of any of the above catch phrases or any iteration of said phrases.

  6. Nanna says:

    “It is what it is.” Except that Lisa will come back and snatch your trachea out of your throat for plagiarism.

    “Funny trumps all.” Oh wait – that’s mine.

    I’ll think on it.

  7. Finn says:

    You know what? Catch phrases get tired over time. I like that you have handful of words/phrases that are yours. Keeps things interesting. Which is SO you.

  8. do “wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” and “happy girl wiggle” count as catch phrases or just annoying things that i say? :)

    i like “it’s what i do” for you. because you are kinda a big deal on the internet, ya know.

    • Momma says:

      @hello haha narf,
      I don’t know about ‘it’s what I do’…that phrase just makes me sad. Someone I know uses it to justify everything he does, especially anything that hurts, or when he doesn’t step up to the plate when someone is in real need, so to speak. That and ‘It’s who I am’ (drives me NUTS) Really, being flip about hurting someone isn’t justifiable

  9. Dawn says:

    “Shove it up your ass” has always worked well for me… but that’s just me. You can borrow it any time, though.

    I thought yours was “Dignity is overrated.”

  10. Lisa says:

    Mine is “because the Universe revolves around ME.” Feel free to borrow it.

  11. Hallie says:

    Mine is DONKEY BALLS. As in, “that sucks massive donkey balls.” And if the situation is exceptionally bad you can add in ginormous. As in, “that sucks GINORMOUS donkey balls.”

    Sums up everything perfectly.

    Oh and I also find myself saying, “Want to pet my wiener?” a lot. :)

    Hallie

  12. Robin says:

    Can I say, honestly, that I really commend you two for going to therapy? I mean, I know so many couples who could use it and would never do it, even if their marriage was on it’s last legs. That makes me sad, therapy is a wonderful positive thing not a negative thing.

  13. Hockeymandad says:

    Why would you want a catch phrase? Societal cancers like Paris Hilton are famous for their phrases. You’re better than that.

    But if you must have one perhaps “Paris can SUCK it!” or maybe “Clearly, you’re retarded” are both catchy.

  14. sweenya says:

    Your counselor totally ripped that off from Bill and Ted… “Be Excellent to Each Other.” Its even on their monument in the future.

  15. I thought your phrase was “dignity is overrated”
    That’s the phrase that I associate with you when I see it.
    But not in a bad way, although I can see how that^ might *sound* snarky, it’s not. Because I agree. Oh, hell, pass the nyquil, I’m going back to bed.

  16. You can always borrow mine…

    Burning one bridge at a time.

    Because I’m a sharer and I love you.

  17. Britt, I always thought your catchphrase was “SUCK IT!”

  18. bo says:

    If you’re going to steal, steal from Emma, who totally owes you anyway for that whole giving-birth-to-her thing. I’d go with ‘Blow it out your frontbutt!’

  19. laprimera says:

    I thought your catchphrase was “Carson says I’m perfect!” ;)

  20. SciFi Dad says:

    what’s wrong with Dignity is Overrated?

  21. Ren says:

    You need a talk show where you can use your catch phrase. Maybe something with Adam.

  22. Becca says:

    Mine is “It will be ok”, I seriously say it all the time. My boss (as of tomorrow) says “You say that all the time, and you know it won’t…right?” I just find if I say it over and over again, I don’t notice when it isn’t! :)

  23. Sybil Law says:

    All I can think of is Frankie Loves Hollywood or whatever that was… Relax, Don’t Do it.
    Haha
    Nothing to do with you, though. Your catch phrase should be…
    hmm…
    Clearly, I am awesome. :)

  24. I have to go with “Dignity is overrated” too. I think alot of people already associate that phrase with you. Just like if I heard someone say, “Tact is for pussies.”, I would automatically think of Adam.

  25. Jamie says:

    The thing with “catch phrases” is that you have to catch one while totally off guard. You can’t sit and stew about it. A saying just “catches” you. Of course your phrase can change over time (you’d never want to be in caught in a catch phrase rut, as it seems to be the case with your counselor) …but when the right saying pops in your brain and off the tip of your tongue..you’ll know it.

  26. Carrie says:

    Long time reader but first time commenter so I hope I’m not breaching some kind of etiquette by saying something contrary.

    I’m sure you meant this as a lighthearted post and I know that you shouldn’t take everything seriously all the time. But, I have to say that I was a little appalled when you said “I made a note to remind him later that she probably says that to everyone too. Except me. She never tells me I’m brave, I realized. Maybe she only says that to the men.”

    If I were your husband I would be hurt by that statement. If he isn’t then that’s his choice. But, after all you guys have been through wouldn’t it have been better to have left that out and maybe even told him you agreed with her instead of planning on cutting him down later? That just seemed so mean to me.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Carrie, I tried to put this in an email, but it bounced:

      Heh. You’re not breaching etiquette by saying something contrary. It’s a
      blog, not a fan site. :-)

      It was tongue in cheek – kind of. I actually DO know that he is being brave
      and tell him that, but the reality of marriage counseling – and something
      we’ve discussed – is that sometimes it’s hard to be the one to just sit and
      listen and not get to say your peace.

      You’re right. It’s a mean, shitty thought to have. But it’s also a real
      feeling that is often associated with learning to be a better listener. My
      goal with writing about what we’re going through isn’t to paint me as the
      perfect and wronged wife, but to give an accurate representation of what
      this shit is like for people.

      Does that make sense?

  27. BOSSY says:

    How ’bout: This is my catch phrase.

    Catchy, huh?

  28. Dick Carlson says:

    “Catch Phrases? We doan need no stinkin’ Catch Phrases…”

    (Apologies to Humphrey Bogart.)

  29. Maria says:

    Haha. Your therapist sounds like mine.

    I usually have a catch phrase for like a year, then I forget it and end up with a new one.

    I think I say shenanigans more than anything else. It annoyed me when Juno made it cool.

  30. stacy O says:

    I have been saying lately “I’m just saying” after I make a point about something. Usually its something funny. But if i have something important to say i start with “Can I just say….” and usually my husbands backs that up with “No…no you cant”
    Catch phrase?? Not sure. annoying?? definately

  31. Bre says:

    I tend to say “That’s the way the cookie crumbles” a lot…. Although I think it makes me sound like a pessimist. Shit.
    How about “C’est la vie!” You could use inflection to denote mood. (As if you need a lesson in how to speak– you’re incredibly eloquent when warranted and beautifully candid!)
    I’ll be interested to know what you come to… But I think calling everyone the R word is a solid fall-back option ;)

  32. My catch phrase is definitely, “fuck me.” I’ve come to the conclusion that if I were to die tomorrow, my last words or thought would be “fuck me.” But that doesn’t help you, because you don’t want it to use the word “fuck.” Plus, you can’t have my catch phrase.

    So.

    Hmn.

    Let me get back to you on that.

  33. Wanting to weigh in on the legality piece of stealing your counselor’s catch phrase (you know because I’m not a lawyer or anything).

    Her words to you (and all other patients) are protected by patient/doctor privilege. Therefore, there can never be proof that it was actually her catch phrase.

    Steal away girl!

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