Jared is moving home today.
It’s taken me 12 13 14 tries to write that sentence out.
Actually, I’ve written that sentence over and over and over again – it’s what comes before and after that sentence that keeps tripping me up.
Before
Almost everything that has happened over the last few months has led directly away from this moment. Maybe that’s why I’m having such a hard time writing about it. It’s nonsensical. Jared coming home seems to be a non sequitur in this story of us. In so many ways, it doesn’t fit in here.
And yet, here we are, with Jared moving home tonight.
Despite all the pain and broken promises and moves away from reconciliation, here we are. Me. And him. And us. Under one roof again.
I keep trying to put into words what happened. For your sake, and for mine, because words have always offered me a sense of understanding and validation. If the words make sense, the steps make sense.
But the only words I have right now are these:
It’s time.
It’s time for us to do this together. It’s time for us to move on. It’s time, at this moment, for Jared to move home.
After
Of course, I know even less about what comes after than I do about before.
Jared hates that. My family, I’m sure, would hate that. Everyone wants guarantees and assurances and a neat and tidy ending wrapped up in a bow. Everyone, I suppose, is ready for this all to be over, in one form or another.
But I have no fortune teller answers. I know better, now, than to declare happy endings before the end has come. I’m starting to suspect that there is no such thing as an end. Not really. Not, at least, until you’re dead – and even then it’s only really The End if you believe in dust and ashes, which I don’t.
All I know is right now.
Right now, it’s time for Jared to move back home.
You’ll figure it out. You both will, together.
@avitable, thank you for saying that.
Glad to hear it…hope y’all have a great weekend.
@muskrat, my weekend plans include laundry, grocery shopping and cleaning my house.
And I’m somehow looking forward to it anyway.
@Miss Britt, That’s a sign that this IS right. Happy Canadian Thanksgiving Britt – it may be early for you guys but take advantage of having a reason to give thanks now. Today. Any and every day.
I am happy for you that there is enough hope to allow this to happen. I know you don’t know how it will all turn out, but hope is good.
Keep breathing, the answers will come in time.
@donna, there was a time when the thought of “in time” would have made me really anxious.
But not now.
I’m happy to hear that. Clearly there is a lot to work out but it only makes sense to me that you work it out as you have worked a million things in your marriage, together and as a unit. I would suspect that’s easier to accomplish under one roof and with a sense of “normalcy” (I hate that word). I wish you the best. One day at a time.
@steph2088, yeah. There was a lot of stuff that had to be accomplished on my own – but there’s a limit.
Today is all you really have. A string of todays, and you don’t know how long the string will be.
Take it one day, one moment at a time.
@Finn, that’s the plan!
I was the one at the Ford event who giggled when you put your goggles on while we walked the assembly line. I am not even sure if you remember me. I am so sorry all of this has been going on. I hope this fresh start works out.
@Midwest Mommy, of COURSE I remember you! I DO follow you on twitter, too, silly. LOL
One foot in front of the other, you’ll figure it out.
@Miss Grace, I think I should have “one foot in front of the other” tattooed on my forehead.
Or maybe written in Sharpie.
Glad to hear it too.
@Mom2nji, thank you.
Hope and love to you both.
@Maria, thank you, Maria. I have so felt your love and support through all of this, and I know I will continue to.
Wishing the best for you both, I’m really happy that there is that hope for you two.
@Kimmad, thank you. It’s much appreciated.
I started to leave a comment about being in the moment and it started to sound like advice. You and I both know I am the *last* person to offer any kind of relationship advice.
So, I will offer you this. I trust and believe that you will find the path you are meant to walk. I trust and believe that even if that means you find it one step at a time, you will walk the path you are meant to walk.
The answers will be there when you need them, not always when you want them. And the answers may not be what you want, but they will be what you need.
@Becky, “I trust and believe that you” is awfully close to “I trust and believe in you” – and I really, really appreciate that in light of very little evidence to support it.
@Miss Britt, I think you sell yourself short. I trust and believe in you based on this blog. You have integrity and an open honesty that garners trust and belief.
Have you and Jared been to any sort of counseling? It seem obvious that you love each other, so whatever it takes to move forward is worthwhile. Good luck.
@Nobody, we’re going to counseling, yes. Dude – I’m not CRAZY! LOL
@Miss Britt, I’ve met you, and you do seem a little crazy, LOL, but maybe that was the alcohol.
I figured you probably were going to counseling, but if its been mentioned here, I missed it. I really do wish you both the best.
You are right. It has to be done together. I’ve had to learn that myself. It may not be easy, but what is really?
@melissa, it’s hard to find that balance, I think, of what has to be done alone, and what has to be done together.
Yay yay yay for all of you! Just keep stepping, sweet pea
@Nanna, thanks, Mama. xo
Best of luck to you both! I think you’ll both figure it out.
@Sybil Law, thank you – we could use a good dose of luck, I think.
Right now is all any of us really has. Love to you.
@maggie, dammit, and WHY has it taken me so long to figure that out?
Seriously.
So much love to you both!
@hello haha narf, back at you.
From both of us, I know.
I’m not a big believer in happy endings or guarantees either, because generally when one thing ends another begins almost automatically.
But I am a big believer in putting in effort and trying for happiness. Of course, I also think it’s important to remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome each time.
So I would say trying for happiness for all is an important first step… but try differently.
@NYCWD and Miss Britt,
Excellent point NYCWD and very very well said. similar events at my house and we decided to try. differently.
and remember, rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was a wall between you. It takes time.
Peace and good vibes.
FRT
@Functionally ReTodded, “rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was a wall between you”
Well said.
@NYCWD, you are so, so right – and that’s something we are both constantly aware of.
Here’s to trying differently.
if your life were a musical… this would be the song that made everyone smile
@Tori Blaine, what you said made me smile and cry at the same time. What a beautiful way of putting it!
@Tori Blaine, awwwww, that’s good, right?
Yes, right. Smiling is always good.
Relationships are messy, so you’re right not to expect a tidy ending. That said, I wish you both strength and sanity as you work through this together.
@Nancy from Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, messy and ongoing and ALWAYS changing.
Someone should tell us this shit.
I’m thinking happy thoughts of hope for all of you. x
@Vic, I think those happy thoughts do more than we realize.
Yay!! And good luck!
You guys will stay in my thoughts and prayers.
maybe now I can finally finish that email I’ve been trying to write you for the last month.
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), I’ll look forward to the email – and hopefully I’ll actually be able to respond to it now!
I kept thinking about asking the question, “What led to this?” last night but sort of sensed that putting it into words might not be what you needed to do right then and there. Sometimes the road curves in a direction we never knew it would and we need to follow it because it just feels right. I’m glad you are following yours.
@Hilly, God, you’re a good friend.
Seriously.
In more ways than you could ever know.
I wish you luck. And love.
@bo, thank you.
Much love to you and Jared and your family.
Also, watch Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.
Remember when Jessica sang ‘My World Is Beginning Today’?
“All the little cares picked along the way
Suddenly have disappeared with yesterday
Tossed about the fields and lost among the winds
My world is beginning today.
Oh, so many times have I walked this way
And never seen the little things I see today
Never had my head so high above the clouds
My world is beginning today.
I know something’s gonna happen
But it’s out of my hands
Things are gonna start snappin’
Without any plan.
All the little cares picked along the way
Suddenly have disappeared with yesterday
Tossed about the fields and lost among the winds
My world is beginning today!”
@Jo, I’ve never heard that song before.
It seems a weeeee bit more chipper than I’m feeling, but still somehow fits.
@Miss Britt, Yes-the song I quoted was a bit chipper but it’s what popped in my head when I saw someone earlier say to ‘put one foot in front of the other’. LOL
I’m so watching Santa Claus Is Coming To Town this weekend.
I find that with my kids (not that your situation is the same by any means) I tend to let past transgressions color my tone or attitude with them. When Katy leaves her shoes out…again…I freak out disproportionately for the situation. When that happens, I feel bad, she feels bad and it just generally promotes this feeling of ‘Well, here we go AGAIN).
When this happens, sometimes I get a flicker of wisdom that tells me it’s time for a ‘reset’. We look at each other, talk about the problem for a minute and how we are feeling then decide that we are starting this day over starting right now (even if it’s 5 o’clock at night).
I also have to constantly remind myself that ‘tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it’. THAT my friend, is what stops me from throwing myself in front of a bus when I feel like I’m never ever getting that Mother of the Year award. LOL
I wish you all the very best.
You guys can do this. Stay in the moment – the past is over, the future will happen – work on THIS moment. I’m glad he’s moving back home and you guys can be “US” again.
@pgoodness, do some people really stay in the moment forever? That just seems … I don’t know… not what I’m used to.
@Miss Britt, I’m sure people do. It’s inexplicably hard though, and I pretty much suck at it, although less than I used to. I guess my point was really more to say move ahead, try to focus on the moments as they happen and the future will take care of itself. You know, if you can. =)
Sometimes, I personally get so caught up in thinking about things that should/shouldn’t happen down the road that I forget to appreciate what I have right in front of me.
Sending you happiness and healing. Here’s hoping you and Jared can find a way to move forward, together, from this and take from it whatever it was the universe meant for you to.
@PaintingChef, sending the same to you, too. Really.
And thank you.
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/10/five-star-fridays-edition-74.html
@schmutzie, well, THAT was unexpected.
God Bless.
@Darla, thank you.
Now is the time to understand what is meant when it is suggested to you that you take it ‘one day at a time’. One HOUR at a time, if necessary. Don’t look ahead. Be in the now. Tomorrow will get here whether you worry about it or not.
I truly and sincerely hope and pray that this works out for all concerned – whatever ‘works out’ means.
@lceel, you know, it sounds so OBVIOUS when you say it like that. Isn’t it WEIRD how long it took to have even an inkling of an idea of what it means?
OH Babe,
I am sending you all lots of hugs and prayers. The two of you together will figure it all out and then one day, you will just “know”.
I am happy for you. Only because you have tools and knowledge to fall back on. Nothing will be “perfect” but you can have each other and you can have YOUR future. Together.
Hugs!!!
Here’s to a great weekend!
Best wishes for your family. I hope all works out just fine for everyone.
I have a feeling that if life came all wrapped up in pretty packages with predetermined paths and endings we would all find that rather bland and unsatisfying. Taking things one day at a time, and having faith that you will be able to work it out among the two of you may be messier and sometimes more painful, but I think ultimately more satisfying because putting in the hard work gives you a better idea of what you really, really want the outcome to be. Does that even make sense? In any case I’m happy that you’ve found what’s right for you both right now, and I know that you’ll figure out the rest between you.
Glad you followed your heart…and his. Here’s to things looking bigger and brighter form here on out!
Good luck to you both, to your whole family.
Congrats and wishing you and Jared all the best as you work towards your goal of staying together.
Congrats! I’ve been silently following the story and just want to say that I wish the best for both of you.
Only you know what you need right now and it’s okay I think to only worry about the right now sometimes. You will figure it out – together. Best of luck on the path ahead.
I am very happy for both of you, Britt. Congratulations, and good luck with your tomorrows that start tonight.
You both need to just be and screw everyone else and what they think and what they want. Because this is YOUR relationship, YOUR life, and only YOUR decisions that you both can make.
I am excited for this new step and you deserve a might fine big balls of awesome hug.
HUG!
Baby steps. If you had it all figured out before what happens after, what’s the point of going through the motions of anything…where’s the happiness and sadness in that? Without one there is no other. Yin-yang…you know what I mean.
And no matter what decisions you ultimately make, you will survive. You’ll all be ok. I’m sure of it.
XOXO
I want to offer advice but of course I haven’t any on this subject. I want to say “Good luck” but this isn’t a matter of being lucky or unlucky. I hope that this weekend goes well and I hope you and Jared enjoy each other and your children in the upcoming days as though your lives depend on it because well, they sorta do.
I’ll being thinking of the Reints family this weekend. XO
So glad! Wishing you buckets of love!
Finally some fucking good news!
I’m glad that you guys are taking a step in the right direction. Remember… baby steps.
glad to hear you are working together on this life.
Oh Britt, I hope you both can figure things out…I think this is a step in the right direction, maybe figuring it out together will take you further. I’m glad you are seeing a counselor, and hope that in the long run, you are a totally happy family. Those of us who read you can see the ability for the happy, it’s still in there…maybe just got tangled up in the shittiness of life.
Drag that happy back out, Britt. I’m rooting for you.
Thats great news Britt. I wish you both the very best and hope yis make it!!
That’s great news. I’m the last person that should be giving marital advice (I absolutely loathed being married for the first two years and was confident that I made the worst mistake of my entire life) but it makes sense to be together when you’re working through issues. My husband and I have never settled anything while apart.
I’m not sure congratulations is exactly the right word right now. But, since you have made *a* step in making a decision, that’s kind of something to celebrate, no? I pray you and Jared can figure it all out together.
I could try to give advice but I’ve not been there myself and I’m complete unqualified.
I could offer encouragement and support but bottom line there is I’m still an anonymous remote blogger you’ve never met and the most it would practically be is a set of words.
I could fly out there for avitaween and kick Jared’s butt and then yours for getting yourselves into this mess but I’m vehemently against violence, when I am traveling.
Instead I will fall back on what I do best, which is to make light of it all and cover up real emotions and empathy with humor.
Ahem
so, Jared’s coming home, eh? What, from the subway? Hahahahahahah subway! Jared!!!
*crickets*
dangit.
Congratulations.
Hugs.
(sigh of relief and happiness) yay! have a good weekend with your family.
In one of your responses to the comments above you said “it is so hard to find balance”, and I cried and I say to you the last words my dad ever spoke to me were “Rebecky, life is about finding balance.”
I hope you and Jared can find your balance together.
Your pain has been palpable even just reading them as words. As a child of a messy divorce, I’m a HUGE believer in holding onto a marriage and even sewing up the last shred until there’s nothing left (unless there’s abuse or incessant chearting or whatever).
Whether or not you find your way with your husband, at least you’ll know you tried.
GL.
I am so happy for your family right now. Love, really big love, is the key. And I think you have it in your hands.
Hugs,
Marie
Maybe it’s just me but I can’t tell if you’re happy or sad about this turn of events. I wish you well.
Britt, I’m so glad you and Jared are doing this TOGETHER. I wish you both the best, as you do whatever it is that comes next.
Its kinda frightening (and hard to explain to others) when you make the decision that it seemed like you were running away from… It’s hard – but the desire to do it is the most important thing, isn’t it?
I know this will work out the best way possible for YOU. Sending love and wishing you love.
baby steps.
sending positive thoughts and hopes your way.
may this work out the way you want it to.
Good luck on the next step of your process.
This is good!!! And not knowing what’s coming is okay. It’s taken me a while to get to that thought but I now know it’s true. I just try and enjoy/get through today. But I’m really happy for you!!!
Don’t think about the after. Live the after.
I’m glad he’s coming home, and good luck to you both.