One More Chance

He sits across a table from me, and begs for one more chance.

He’s so certain.  So sure.  He loves me, he says.  He knows it.   He loves our life, our family, our Everything We’ve Built Together.  He loves it.  He wants to save it.

One more chance, he says.

An hour later, I find out something new.  Something else.  Something that came after he asked for one more chance and I got in my car and told him I just didn’t know.  Something that came before I called and cried and assured him that no part of me felt self righteous, that I was torn up with the feeling of having deserved it.  Something that belies his wish for chances.

Something that is new and different and yet exactly the same as it has always been.

He sits on the other end of a phone line from me, and begs for one more chance.

I cry.  Again.

This is it, I say.

OK, he says.

The last time, I tell him.

I know, he promises.

I go back through the archives of this blog, and I find stories of struggle and triumph.  I read about how we fight and push through and make up.  I read, too, about how I say he is a good, kind and generous man.  A man who never gives up.  A man who never says no to me.  A man who believes in me, even while not understanding me.

It’s as if I’m reading about a stranger.

I feel no swell.  I feel no softening.  I feel no weakness in my knees.

I feel nothing, save for the cold, dull ache of barely scabbed over wounds.  And long scabbed over wounds.

I do not ever feel Nothing.

I feel rage or passion or joy or sorrow or something, but always Something.

I do not recognize this nothingness.

In my head, I know it’s shock and awe and an attempt to defend against more pain.  In my head, I know I have said the words and felt the love.  I know.  I know. Don’t I?

But in my heart, I’m empty.

I wake up this morning still conflicted.  Still thinking about one more chance.

I call my mom and she asks how the rest of yesterday went.  I have to tell her.  I have to tell her about the table and the something else and the phone call and the one more chance.

She hesitates.

“I asked him how many more times he could hurt me and he said-”

“That’s up to you,” she says.  She says it quietly and without judgment, but she says it still, knowing it is truth.

And I am ashamed.

I’m ashamed because I can no longer tell if opening myself to one more chance is a sign of strength… or weakness.

I believe in forgiveness.

I believe that faith and trust and forgiveness are given even more than they are earned.  I believe that deciding to trust or not to trust is a decision about whether or not you believe that you can handle that trust being broken.

I want to have that everlasting hope.  I want to be the person who can continually turn the cheek, over and over and over again, because we all deserve a bottomless well of chances.

I don’t know how to close a door and say “No.  More.”

And yet…

and yet…

And yet, what?

Maybe hope does not spring eternal?  Maybe I simply am not strong enough to rip open the same wound over and over and over again?

WHY does this have to be about ME?

I don’t WANT this to be about ME and MY ability to trust and forgive and keep trying!  I want to KNOW, for SURE, that this is The.  Last.  Time.

Can somebody please tell me that?

Please?

Can somebody please, please tell me what to do next?

“Do nothing,” she says again.  “Give yourself time.”

I hate that answer.

I suck at doing nothing.  I do nothing and think lots.  I write it all out and turn it all over a million different ways and over and over and over again I turn it until the way is made clear to me.

Except… it’s not.

Still.

I know nothing.

I’m staring at 714 words and I am no less conflicted or torn up than I was 714 words earlier.

*sigh*

The only thing left to do… is nothing.

And pray that maybe, just maybe, something will come from it.

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  1. Kim says:

    White board my friend. (hugs)

  2. ADW says:

    Love you!

    Anything that you need…..

    Anytime.

  3. CP says:

    Sometimes the best thing to do IS nothing. Pray. Ask for guidance from your Higher Power. The right thing to do will come to you as a revelation…in time. If you are not sure about a second chance, don’t do it. Not yet. Especially if you are feeling nothing. You need time to heal.

    Stay strong, my friend…and know you are not alone.

  4. Maria says:

    Ugh, Britt.

    I have faith that if you do give yourself more time you will be more at peace with however things go. I believe wisdom and direction will come to you, but until then I am so very sorry you’re in this much pain. The whole situation sounds awful and my heart is broken for you.

    I’m a floofy spaz optimist when it comes to love, except for when I’m furious and angry and throwing disposable coffee mugs at my husband’s car in front of my kids.

    But usually I am a floofy spaz optimist.

    I want this to get better somehow.

    However it goes, I love you. It sounds so trite but I hope we can hang out soon.

  5. Nanna says:

    I’m so sorry, my darling. I wish I had the answers. Hoever, we all know that I am the LAST person to consult in this area. *inappropriate snort*

  6. Karl says:

    The numbness you feel may be shocking to you, but it’s not surprising to me. Been there. I’m there NOW. When you’ve been through as much as you’ve been through, FELT as much as you have during all of this, it’s common for your mind to turn the feelings off for a while, to let you sit with just your THOUGHTS.

    It’s scary, particularly for someone passionate like yourself. But the emotions are still there. They’ll come back.

    Numb may not be such a bad thing. Temporarily.

    And as others have said, there is no definitive deadline here. Nothing says you need to decide today or tomorrow, or even next month. Don’t pressure yourself any more than you already are, babe.

    It’ll all work out. I wish I could help. Seems like most everyone I know is in a state of flux right now.

    Love ya.

  7. Just Me says:

    Its not about whether he loves you, he loves his family, he loves everything that you guys are….its about whether he is IN LOVE with it all. Because that answer right there…will give you more answers than you know. And if the answer is yes…then this should be the last time.

  8. bo says:

    Sometimes, all you can do is breathe.

  9. melissa says:

    Even with such little detail, I can tell this is a place I’ve been before. That pain you felt yesterday, I’ve felt it. It may not have been the same circumstances, but I have. I’ve been with the father of my 2 kids since I was 17. I was pregnant with my first at 19. 3 years ago, he broke my trust.

    I blamed myself and still do. Like you I was “… ashamed because I can no longer tell if opening myself to one more chance is a sign of strength… or weakness”

    I had to give myself time when he asked for the change to realize if I was giving that chance for me or for my daughter and if I could truly forgive like I believed I could.

    give yourselft some time right now. you definately deserve it.

  10. Nyt says:

    Perhaps, you are the definitive plan person. The if/then person.
    In times if life disasters, once the screaming stops, my brain
    spits out a playing field of sorts with boundaries and everything
    God help the one who crosses the boundaries, you will not get
    back into the game…ever.. It’s funny, I’m not nearly that rigid
    when things are going well, but give me an emergency, and
    I seem to save what needs saving and jettison the rest. And I’ve
    never seen regret inthe rearview. You’ll find your way. An open
    heart, an open mind and a quiet place will lead you to your path

  11. Why do I feel like every blog post I have read that involves someone’s marriage is like reading my own story, the one I don’t have the words for?

    I don’t wanna lay it all out in your comments section (because, ya know, it’s totally appropriate to post on the internet, just not in the comments) but Ive been in eerily similar situations. As in more than once.

    And it sucks.

    And really, when I got to the numb stage, it was a relief for me because it was so much better than the pain and anger.

    It’s like going into shock after a life threatening injury. It’s your mind’s way of coping.

    I wish you all the best Britt.

    xoxo

  12. Finn says:

    Perhaps you’re numb because you need not to feel this, but to think it. Too many emotions fighting each other for space in your head. Being numb allows you to look at this from a different perspective. Let it be for a while. The answer will come.

    And hope won’t die. When the time is right it will come back, refocused where you need it to be.

    Trust your process.

  13. I agree with the previous comments. I think the numbness is our spirit’s way of calling a time-out to process what has already happened, and at this moment in time it just isn’t willing to cope with more right now. Give yourself time. When you’re ready, you’ll know your answer.

  14. Bre says:

    I also suck at doing nothing. However you are the only person that can drive this vehicle called “Life”. This IS about you because it’s YOUR life, too. I repsect your defcision, no matter the outcome. A million hugs.

  15. Becky says:

    I agree with Karl, in that your head and your heart know that right now, in this moment, and maybe the next and maybe the next 10,000 moments, you just can not handle anything more. I have found that when my world is falling apart and changing and strange and scary, if I just get quiet. Just sit with myself and my thoughts and just be, right there, right then, peace will come. And in that peace you may not find the answers but you can breathe and take a time out. When you’re ready, the ‘it’ will be there for you to deal with.

    I keep coming back to just sitting, quietly, just being. There is peace and strength and courage in that. and I know you know that.

  16. sizzle says:

    “I’m ashamed because I can no longer tell if opening myself to one more chance is a sign of strength… or weakness.”

    I’ve turned this over and over in my head and heart countless times in my lifetime. I still don’t know the answer.

    I don’t think that being strong and ripping open a wound over and over are one in the same.

  17. Ms. Karen says:

    It’s so hard to not want things to happen quickly. Decisions, outcomes, happy endings, all of it must happen in OUR time frame. That’s when we know we’ll feel better. At least, that’s how it is for me.

    That numbness? It will pass, but it won’t leave you unchanged or unscarred. Sorry. But the good news is, it will leave you stronger (which I know sounds bad and trite, but remember, the wound is still fresh).

  18. Polly says:

    I read this and all I can think is, “leave, just leave–because you don’t deserve it. No one does.”

  19. Hurt me once, shame on you.
    Hurt me twice, shame on me.
    At least that’s how I roll.
    xo

  20. avitable says:

    Doing nothing right now hurts too, I know, but it will help you decide whatever you need to decide to make sure that you can be happy.

  21. Sybil Law says:

    Nothing is definitely your mind’s way of coping. It’s better than complete turmoil, at least for the breathing room, for a while.
    Wish I had an answer for you. It will come, though.
    All I can offer is x’s and o’s, but those come in bunches.

  22. Lesha says:

    I think I went through a lot of this over the past several years, only it took me until recently to REALIZE I had gone through it. It’s almost sweet relief, but I know the pain. And the final decision is still an agonizing decision to make.

    I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you find your peace.

  23. Robin says:

    “I’m ashamed because I can no longer tell if opening myself to one more chance is a sign of strength… or weakness.”

    If this is not truth, I don’t know what is.

    I can’t tell you what to do with your situation (nor will I try), but I do know that WHATEVER you decide to do, it will come from a place of strength, because that’s what you are….strong. Keep telling yourself that even though you sure as hell don’t believe it right now. Don’t let anyone or any situation take that inner strength away from you. Trust me, I know.

    In case you’re interested – my power song right now is, “Singing My Song” by Christina Aguilera. Listen to it….you won’t be sorry. Trust me.

    Love ya…mean it. :)

  24. Marie says:

    I ache for you and your family. Yesterday’s post is one I read this morning and now another one at noon. I can hardly bear it for you.

    But…..having lost my husband to death, I would give anything to have him with me. I hate more than anything to see couples breaking up. I am the optimist – the one who thinks anything can be worked out. Maybe couple’s counseling? Something?

    Being on the other side of this computer is hard. We don’t know, we listen and cry for you.

    This last time let your heart be your guide. That’s all I can say. It’s worth fighting for. If the fight is over then let it be done.

    I am so sorry Britt.

    Hugs,
    Marie

  25. i don’t consider thoughtful prayer doing nothing.

  26. Karl is wise in his words.

    Doing nothing about this situation right now doesn’t mean you doing nothing in other parts of your life–as hard as that may be.

    Soak in the kids and their love, and in the meantime be gentle with yourself. Very gentle.

  27. perpstu says:

    Doing nothing right now is probably the right choice. I wish all the hurt would go away. My heart and stomach are sick and aching for you right now.

    *hugs*

  28. lceel says:

    Part of the difficulty involved with contemplating stepping away from a tortuous relationship is the lack of clarity in the vision of the future. Those unanswered and unanswerable questions of “What will happen if …” and “What would life be like if …” give one pause and tend to keep one in place. It’s easier to deal with the devil you know.

    Yet, you could wind up asking yourself, “What took me so long?”

  29. donna says:

    Your numbness and nothing is the answer right now. You can’t make a decision when you feel nothing. I truly believe that you will start to feel again and when you do, your heart will know what you want to do. The best thing you can do is be patient and kind to yourself. Answers will come.

  30. Marinka says:

    You know what to do. You do.
    I’m thinking of you.

  31. Headless Mom says:

    Forgiveness is not a blank slate or an open invitation to hurt. We are also not supposed to allow ourselves to be a doormat. Forgiveness is for letting ourselves off the hook of hurt, not to let someone else off the hook for their actions. If there is true repentance then appropriate actions will follow.

    Allow yourself time in the nothing. Your answers will come in time. We’re all with you in the meantime. ((hugs))

  32. Aunt Becky says:

    I don’t do advice very well. While I have TONS of annoying opinions, none are very good. But I heart you and I’m here.

  33. Robina says:

    I haven no words, just know there are people who don’t know you, praying for you.

  34. I wish I had a magic answer for you, hun.

    All I can say is that you need to listen to your gut. (after doing nothing for a bit, because sometimes rushing life is not worth the result)

    This is something that I wish I learned years ago. Since listening to that feeling, that knowing, no matter how sucky the decision was it has always help me end up better than before with no regrets.

  35. thetutugirl says:

    In my own life, I’m with Casey- you’re not going to get a second chance to hurt me badly.

    For you, I think you need to go with your gut. What feels right to you? You’ll know when you’ve figured that out.

  36. Joy says:

    Once again, (((HUGS))).

  37. Zoeyjane says:

    I have one piece of advice in response to this and then I’ll shut up unless asked. You have a responsibility to be the best you that you can be – if that means that you turn down the chance and feel heartbroken and have to heal in what seems like an uphill battle, it does; if it means that you say okay and get hurt again and you and your family have to live through that again, then it does; if you welcome him back and do everything right and he does and everything is healed and wonderful, then it does.

    You can’t tell the future, so don’t try, man. Figure out only, firstly, if you *want* to try, or if you feel as though you *should*, because your happiness, and by extension your kids’ and friends’ and family’s will depend on that.

    Enjoy the numbness, hun. I know it’s foreign, but it’s a break you can use.

  38. Becca says:

    If I’ve learned one thing in life (and god was your post yesterday heart wrenching for me. I’ve been there, felt that, -lived through- that…) it’s that people are more then their words. It took me a really long time to realize that. An ex of mine hurt me in so many ways, I’m still counting the scars, but it took finding my (now) husband to realize that actions really do speak louder then words. LOVE is more then saying, “I love you”- its keeping promises, it’s putting each other before yourself (key word- each other. BOTH people have to be willing to work to make it work.) It shouldn’t take more then once to change if you truly love someone and want what’s best for them.
    The fact is, when people say “Love doesn’t hurt”- that’s a lie. It hurts.. but then the person that hurts you makes damn sure to never do it again. We all screw up, but the only reason for it to happen again is pure selfishness.
    *huge huge huge hug* You’re in my thoughts.

  39. Rachael says:

    I too am a trusting person. I want to believe people are good. I want to believe that most people won’t lie, cheat, or hurt me. Sometimes, it backfires, but that’s life. I can’t tell you what to do, obviously. Doing nothing is so hard, I hope that in doing nothing you will discover something. Only you can make this decision, and my only advice is to consider the best & worst things that could happen. And if it’s the worst… can you do it? Will you be able to survive it?

    No matter what, there are people who WILL be there for you. I hope that it helps, even when it seems like no one can help. I’m sorry for what you’re going through.

  40. Faiqa says:

    I’m not saying that this applies to this particular situation in one way or another, but that thing about us all deserving a bottomless well of chances? I agree with that. I just don’t think that all those chances have to come from the same person.

    Just throwing that out there.

    You’re a good and caring person, Britt, any decision you make in your own self interest will inevitably be in the interests of everyone you care about. The people who need you and rely on you need you to be OK with your choices and not live a life of second guessing. I have the utmost faith that you not only know this already but that you already know deep in your heart what you should do.

    And whatever that is? I’ll be behind you 1000 %.

  41. Karen says:

    I just started reading your blog recently through workitmom.com. I can empathize with you in many ways. I, myself married young, have two young children (6 and 4) and will be married 10 years next month. It has in no way been an easy marriage. We are having a very tough time right now and I have prayed to God to make decisions for me because I simply can’t. I too am the ever optomist that things will change and “this” time we can make it work. We love each other and our children. I guess I don’t know what I’m saying other than I can EMPATHIZE completely. I had a similar experience in July where I literally thought my world had ended. But here I am giving it another “chance”. Maybe you could tell me your story and I will give you an answer and I tell you mine and you could tell me what to do? :) If it were only that easy. Thanks for sharing your story. Good luck and take care of yourself.

  42. I’ve been on both sides of this equation and, even then, I can’t imagine your anguish right now. Karl, Adam, and Terra are right. Embrace the numb. It’s our system’s way of helping us deal with the pain that’s too much to take. To feel it all at once would be too much. The fog will lift in it’s time, especially with the incredible support network and professional help you’ve surrounded yourself with.

    In the end, you need to figure out what outcome you want and how you want to get there. Regardless of your choice, we all love and support you to the end (or the new beginning for that matter).

  43. Dawn says:

    Sometimes a day has to go by, sometimes even a couple of days or a whole week, before you can see things clearly.

    In a day or a few or a week, something can turn into nothing. Or nothing can turn into something.

    Sometimes time is the greatest invention — it can change your perspective just by being itself.

    Much love. I’m thinking about you.

  44. Denise says:

    I know we’re not close…not by a long shot…but this is what I think. I’ve been in your shoes…many of us have at some point. The thing that I have learned is that you have to figure out what you want – not what the kids want, not your friends, no one but YOU.

    You have to be brutally honest with yourself because no one knows you better than you. Will you really be able to let go of the suspicions/paranoia/doubt/whatever? Or will you every day wonder if that day will be the day he hurts you again?

    Sometimes you have to let go. I know this is cheesy, but listen to Madea. I know that she’s a fictional character…but I listened to what was said and it really made sense.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBI4Bh2z9W8

  45. Maya says:

    You do what you think is right. There is no textbook right or wrong.

  46. Kris says:

    My first husband begged me not to divorce him while we were actually signing the paperwork. And you know what? I experienced the same nothing feeling. Just…nothingness. No rage. No sadness. No fear. Nothing.

    Up until that point it was a terrible cycle of good and bad, good and bad. TERRIBLE highs and lows.

    We all handle it in our own way, but I can say that you are NOT alone…and your friends are here if/when you need to talk, cry, scream, laugh, whatever…

    And even though we’ve never met in real life (yet), I do hope you consider me friend.

  47. muskrat says:

    I’d try to spend a good bit of time outdoors and exercising.

  48. baltimoregal says:

    I’ve never been married. I don’t know how people do it, honestly. But my mother once gave my cousin, who she helped raise, a piece of advice regarding a man she was dating seriously. And it has always stayed with me.

    “Don’t count on it ever getting better than it is right now. Marriage is hard. Dating is the easy part.”

    I guess what I’m saying is while you’re not making decisions it may be time to look back with as impartial an eye as possible and see if it was that good to begin with. That may help you decide how you need to live in the future.

    And no, my cousin didn’t marry that man, or the next several boyfriends. She is married now though, and is very happy.

  49. Don’t you just wish there was a boss of you telling you what to do? I often feel like I need a “grown up” to tell me what the right thing is. I can not seem to figure out what is “the right thing” and what will make me happiest. I think you and I often focus too much on other people and what is right for them or taking care of them and sort of forget to think about what the right thing for ourselves is (totally awkward sentence, but I hope you know what I mean). I tend to think of giving up as failure, even when that isn’t the case at all. Sometimes giving up is NOT failure, it is being kind to yourself (not giving advice to you, I have no idea what is right for you, just thinking out loud here)

    Focus on you. You deserve to be happy. You deserve things to be calm and good. I have no advice other than listen to your heart because eventually you will find “the right thing” and you will do that, whatever it is. I have faith. But I sure wish I could wave a magic wand or look into a crystal ball and see what that right thing is!

    I’m thinking good thoughts for you!

  50. Tonz says:

    Karl’s words rang true for me too. And I struggle with the waiting but sometimes you need to give yourself to heal before making decisions. Sending love your way.

  51. Hilly says:

    As you know, I sat for two years in “the numb” and then sat for another six months in “the pain”. Clarity only comes from sitting through discomfort and it took me thirty seven years to figure that out. When we run faster than we’re supposed to, we’ll always look back and wonder “what more could I have done?”. If we stay too long, we’ll want to beat ourselves up for wasting precious years of our lives but never will we be left wondering if we didn’t try our hardest.

    That being said, if the honesty isn’t there and you’re clawing at wall after wall with no help from the person who is supposed to lift you up and not tear you down? You may already have your answer.

    You don’t have to surround yourself with ugliness and things that make you cry and throw up. You don’t have to feel guilt because you decide that your life is worth happiness and joy.

    Either way there will be pain but just think about what you want to feel and who you want to be for the rest of your life.

    There’s only this…

  52. Poppy says:

    How about you trust in yourself to make a good decision and wait for your heart to tell you what that is?

    We can’t make the decision for you.

    And your mom is right, he only gets to keep hurting you if you let him.

    You either need to change how your relationships work with him or not have one (aside from the basics for shuffling the kids around as court ordered).

    You two have a very dysfunctional relationship right now, and you have three whole choices:

    Let it be.
    Fix it.
    Abandon it.

    C’est à vous, lady.

  53. [...] to Miss Britt for this [...]

  54. Robin says:

    Take care of yourself, take a lot of time for yourself. You WILL be ok, that is always the end result.

  55. You know how when you’re in a lot of pain? You either get that endorphin rush and you suddenly don’t care about the pain or that part of your body goes numb in order for your brain to take a break?

    Your brain is taking a break. This is the numbness that is allowing your spirit to heal.

    And no one can tell you for sure that it will truly be the last time. He can’t, you can’t, I can’t, none of us. That’s what love is. Love is joy and pain and ecstasy and agony. And it’s uncertainty and faith and sometimes of the letting go of that faith.

    I don’t have the answers and I so wish I did because not only could I help you, I could make a fortune helping others. :) But that Medea video you tweeted? That is soooooo very true. You do have to be happy with you and in your home. And if those two things aren’t happening, then make them happen, whatever it takes.

    I’ll say it again, because I don’t think you can say it enough. I love you and I’m behind you and your happiness 100%.

  56. Robina says:

    Something someone left for a friend on Facebook:

    words to live by

    forgiveness is the
    scent left by
    the flower on the
    foot that has crushed it.

    trust is the scar
    left by the knife
    on the heart that
    entrusted.

    faith is the lasting
    act of accepting
    the unknown
    over that
    that is known.

    and to be trespassed
    against and to still
    erect no fences
    is the ultimate home.

    CG 3[2002]

  57. NYCWD says:

    Honestly, I haven’t said alot through this for reasons that may or may not be obvious. I do feel that I need to say this.

    Can somebody please, please tell me what to do next?

    The only somebody who should be telling you what to do next is you. Asking anyone else to make these decisions (whether it be the internet, your mom, or your best friends) is in my opinion detrimental to your future. You are an individual with your own mind and not a sheep to be herded by the experiences of others based on different individuals.

    This is a decision that you need to make for yourself because, good or bad, your family will be living with the full effect of it for the rest of your collective lives. It’s a decision you have to own yourself.

    Having said that… I will leave you with the quote that I personally found helpful when I was in a similar situation in the hope not that it influences your decision, but perhaps allows you to see where you are on making your decision a little bit better:

    Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. – Robert Heinlein

  58. Jennifer A says:

    Been there, dealing with that. It sucks and its not easy.
    Thinking about you and hope all is ok.

  59. joeinvegas says:

    Oh. Sorry about all that is happening. But yes, you are the only one that can make decisions about you, just remember that you should be the most important person to yourself, (that sounded pretty bad, sorry).

  60. Fantastagirl says:

    The answer will come from within, probably not today, or tomorrow, but when the time is right…and it’s never on the schedule your ‘friends’ think it should be. It’s all on it’s own.

    At some point, you will figure out what you can live with, and then you will need to figure out what you can live without…

    I hope you find your happiness.

  61. Monya says:

    Dear, dear Britt… You’ve been so encouraging to so many people, including myself, it’s devastating knowing that you are going through this. Wishing you every strength and encouragement. Lots of Love.

  62. Vic says:

    One more chance. Whatever happens, at least you can say you gave it one more chance.

  63. I don’t really know what to say other than you are not alone. Your feelings, your thoughts, your actions all make perfect sense, because they are yours.

    Steph

  64. They say that love and hate are closely intertwined, that indifference is the enemy of love. Perhaps feeling nothing is a good sign – one that you’re getting past the crazy, emotional part can now just “Be” and let it all unfold for your higher good. Sending yu strength and positive energy…..

  65. Danielle-lee says:

    I am so very sorry. It is so damn hard to DO NOTHING and WAIT AND SEE and LET GO. I hate those words. It’s just impossible for me.
    I am thinking of you, while you DO NOTHING but find strength through your loved ones.

  66. I love you. Lots. *hugs*

  67. sisjake says:

    Lots of words of wisdom here, I won’t add anything other than you are in my prayers to make a good decision and find peace with it.

  68. Rebecca says:

    Thank you for writing this and making me feel less alone. For making so many of us feel less alone.

  69. I just read all your posts about this and I’m humbled by your open faced honesty and your beauty in the face of ugliness.

    I’m praying for you to walk through this with the best outcome possible.

  70. Tammy says:

    They say everyone has a twin. Could you be mine. Britt, been there, rocked in that corner, screamed from the pain until I was hoarse. All I can say is the pain does subside. In the meantime it’s all about one foot in front of the other. You know this, failure is not an option.

    Just found your blog today and you’re killin me, really.

    I’m in FL too, we need to get a drink sometime =)

    Tammy

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