Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina (or Internet) (or Mom)

I am not a victim.

Since Monday, I have been overwhelmed with emails, text messages, voice mails and twitters of concern.

I’m sorry, the say.

Are you OK?, they ask.

And every time I read or hear those words, I cringe a little at having evoked a misplaced surge of encouragement.

Don’t be sorry, I say.

I’m OK.

I’m not surprised, of course.  When I vividly describe the end of the world without naming the origins, it’s natural to assume that something happened to me. Your instinct is to see me as an innocent bystander to destruction, meekly sitting in my garden when I notice a ball of fire in the sky that I had no way of foreseeing.  But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

There are real innocents in life who deserve your condolences.  But I am not one of them.

Nothing happened to me.

In the end of days analogy, I am the guy who supplied the terrorists with yellow cake*.  I closed my eyes and took my money and pretended not to know what it would be used for.  I played my part.  And while only one part of a whole, the apocalypse could not have come without my own contribution.

I am not a victim.

And I am OK.

I am breathing.  I am walking.  I am owning my part and rebuilding in the calm aftermath.  The thing about having a hand in your own destruction is that you can no longer deny your own power.  For good.  For evil.  For things that just are.  Once you have seen what you are capable of, it’s impossible to ignore, well, what you are capable of.

At this point, I have to assume I am capable of damn near anything.

*Except actuallyy giving yellow cake to terrorists.  Seriously, Mr. CIA Covert Government Agency Dude who is investigating an internet red flag alert, this was just a metaphor.  Also, I pay for all of my music.

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  1. avitable says:

    Do terrorists like yellow cake? I always thought they were more sorbet fans.

  2. Deb says:

    I didn’t think something happened to you, but you did peak my curiousity and made me wonder what could have happened to make you describe the end of the world.

    It was a beautifully written post and made me think of how a friend had described how he felt when his wife of 13 years walked in out of the blue and said she wanted a divorce.

  3. I’m not sure what to say or if there are even words to say. I know that I hate when I am the cause of my world crashing down.

    ::hugs::

  4. Nanna says:

    I know I would rather see you owning up to the power you wield than sitting around feeling helpless. That kills me.

    And uh, hey, it’s my motherhood and I’ll cry if I want to. hehehehehehe

  5. Dawn says:

    Where the fuck is my decoder ring for the last few posts? Where???

    Much love. xo

  6. lceel says:

    @Avitable Sorbet is the biological weapon of choice for most erstwhile terrorist groups – yellowcake being considered, by most, to be just a bit over the top.

    You tell ‘em, toots.

  7. Finn says:

    That box with the “Win A New Appliance” is making me giggle. The juxtaposition of your face and the frame of the video cracks me up.

  8. Darla says:

    I’m with Dawn, I want a decoder ring.

  9. Dang, put me down for a decoder ring too. Or a Britt to English dictionary.

    Don’t know what’s going on, but hope you get through it.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Sincerely, Jenni, Britt to English. LOL Yeah, I know this is all as clear as mud, and I hate that for all of you.

      But it’s necessary at this point.

  10. The disclaimer to the CIA made me spit Diet Coke all over my keyboard…

    … but in a good way. So thanks for that!

  11. NYCWD says:

    The fact that you referenced “yellow cake”, and did so correctly as far as I can tell, impresses the shit out of me.

    I guess the rumors are true that Florida is the most prepared state in the union.

    Or you just watched Get Smart.

    Either way, I’m still impressed.

  12. Lauren says:

    Ditto. Slightly puzzling but always fabulous. That’s Britt!

  13. Poppy says:

    You _are_ capable of anything!!! *clappy hands*

    Grasshopper!!!

  14. greg t says:

    I love yellow cake with chocolate butter cream frosting. Yum… Maybe a little vanilla ice cream double yum. Oh you are talking about the OTHER yellow cake…never mind..

  15. Faiqa says:

    Dear Mr. CIA Covert Government Agency Dude who is investigating an internet red flag alert,

    She is totally a terrorist. Now, stop tapping MY phones and do something about the real threat: upbeat blonds who are a big deal on the Internet.

    Sincerely,
    So NOT a terrorist it isn’t even funny.

  16. Sybil Law says:

    Great.
    Now I really, really want some yellow cake. :)

  17. whall says:

    So if we write some funny jab comment on your blog now, you won’t like curl up into a ball and whimper all night?

    Not like I could write a funny jab comment but I hope to someday

  18. muskrat says:

    Victimhood is for pussies. Unless, it’s like, a real victim, which is not Britt.

  19. you might not be a victim, but i can still hate that you are going through this and ask if you are alright. coz i love yew, man!

  20. Hilly says:

    Dear Padawan,

    Your cryptic abilities impress me. Knowing that you must tell your tale yet keep the details quiet, I’m further impressed by your ability to still write in depth about your feelings.

    I feel as if I must give you a key to the castle. You’ve earned your rightful place in Cryptonia.

    Sincerely,
    The Queen of Cryptonia
    (Long Live…Me!)

  21. Poppy says:

    I left a comment here early. what the hell happened? Did you close comments? *clicking submit*

  22. Poppy says:

    HMPH. Now I’m too grumpy to post my original comment. It said something about you being awesome, though.

  23. RebTurtle says:

    I think you’re taking it a little hard about being such good friends with Adam. You can’t hold yourself accountable for him.

    Adam, The cake is a lie!

  24. Now we know why the cake was left in the rain in MacArthur park. It was a bad terrorist cake. Good thing that recipe is long gone.

  25. Robina says:

    I haven’t commented in a while, but I have been reading. I’m so confused at this riddle. Are you going to explain it one day? I feel like I have come in 1/2 way through a GREAT movie, but don’t know what’s going on.

  26. Kay says:

    Just because nothing “happened” to you, just because you played a part in the apocalypse… doesn’t mean people aren’t going to worry. Cause it’s still painful and scary as hell, and nobody wants to see you hurting over it.
    As for being cryptic… well, if there’s a prize out there, I’m sure you’d win it :)

  27. Al_Pal says:

    Embrace your power. Use it for good [of your own design].

    …I am SO glad I was on vacation from The Internets while you were posting this stuff.

    *wry grin*

    …the cake is totally a lie.

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