Because my God I am tired of looking at that other post.
1. The words “another round” are from Satan himself.
2. Especially when they are said by someone else and yet, somehow, include you.
3. Especially if you do not drink as much – or as quickly – as the person saying “another round” who is, somehow, including you.
4. Just because there is another drink in front of you does not mean it is a good idea to hurry up and finish the drink you are not even half way through because oh my God I don’t want to waste food!
5. Diet Coke and Bacardi Limon should probably not be considered “food”.
6. You should always, always pee before you leave the bar.
7. It is always, always possible to sink to a new low.
8. Lonely strangers will be strongly attracted to any women who take pity on them and dance during their karaoke numbers.
@avitable, *sigh* sadly, yes.
@Miss Britt, You know, I was just thinking about it and I don’t think I’ve ever actually peed on the side of the road!
@Avitable, reaaaaaaaaaallllly???
*scribbles madly on her “List of Shit To Make Avitable Do In Order For Him To More Fully Appreciate The Human Condition”*
Noted.
@avitable, Lonely strangers will be strongly attracted to any woman stupid enough to make eye contact with them across a crowded room.
True story.
“And not in a bathroom.”
I don’t *even* want to know.
Wait.
Yes, yes I do. Call me.
@Faiqa, oh, my dear, you would probably have to stop being friends with me.
*hangs head in shame*
Sigh. This post takes me back a decade (okay, two) to when we had regular “Piss Stops” just off the highway on our route back from Windsor, Ontario (where the drinking age was 19) to our Detroit suburb (drinking age was 21).
They weren’t gas stations. I don’t know why we picked them. But we were nothing if not consistent in our selections.
@Christine, the consistency is impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever popped a squat in the same place twice.
Oh dear…..
I think I should copy your post and carry it around on a card with me whenever I go out, exchanging diet coke & barcardi limon (never heard of it) for wine, any colour and champagne.
I’m glad it’s not just me……I hope you managed to have a good time as well though? LOL
@Chic Mama, ohhhh yes. A good time was, indeed, had.
From the pieces I remember anyway.
Adventurous peeing is so much easier with a few drinks in you
@Elisa, adventurous peeing. LOL That sounds sooo much better than “I jumped out of the car at a stop sign”.
You are my new hero. I will worship you next weekend.
LOL!
I polished off 4 bottles of wine with friends this weekend. Got alcohol poisoning. Apparently I can’t drink as much as I used to. Bah.
Glad to know I wasn’t the only one!!
xoxo
@Shash, ALCOHOL POISONING?!?! Oy. Poor thing.
LOL, City Girl! Live in a rural area for a few years and you learn to hang “it” over the back of a log because some things just can’t wait! LOL
@Mary Neal, oh, honey. I grew up in Iowa. I can do it without a log or a tree and not even pee on myself anymore!
And sadly, you are still probably the classiest person I know.
@Jared, sweetheart, you need to get out more. LOL
I once peed on the side of the road when I was really really drunk however NEVER EVER on Disney property…I’m way too afraid of the Disney Gendarmes.
@Hilly, you’ve only peed on the side of the road ONCE???
You should hang out in the country more.
I tend to flash people, mostly when I’m intoxicated…sometimes when I’m just having fun.
@Robin, well THAT i do not do. But then – I don’t have wonder twins.
I’ve seen and done worse, so no judgment here.
At the U. of Auburn, Alabama, there’s a practice field where I pissed, but that was on principle.
@muskrat, I cannot speak of my experience with a certain football field.
But I’m nodding and winking at you knowingly.
Ah… how I love spicy scandal. Or, at least, spissy scandal.
@Sharon – Mom Generations, it’s only a scandal if you get caught.
So it’s true.
Disney truly is the happiest place on earth.
@NYCWD, heh. Well, it’s certainly a liberating place.
I have a new found respect for you!
@Deb, yessssssssssssss!
Now you can mark yet another thing off your life’s “To-Do” list.
@Finn, thank, god!
It’s even sadder when that situation happens in the morning, say around 10 am…
@daniel, ok, yes, that is definitely worse. LOL
hehehehehehehe…..mostly all I can say reading this one. Thanks though for a reminder to yet another reason I am glad to be born a male. Every palm frond on the side of the road can easily become a private restroom for a male.
On Disney property though, instead of saying it was an embarrassing event, say you were protesting the high prices. Fist in the air, pee pee on their land. Hooah!
@Hockeyman, DAMN THE MAN!
will it make you feel better if i told you after a trade show function where i drank too much booze my (then) boss and i we rushing to the orlando airport when he took a wrong turn and drove for so long that i finally hollered, “pull the fuck over or i will pee in this damn car” and he did and i peed on the side of the highway in full daylight view of all the other passing cars?
coz i so did.
at least i didn’t piss my pants.
@hello haha narf, hahahahhaha – somehow, I am not surprised by this story.
If by ‘Disney property’ you meant Princess Jasmine, I wouldn’t call it a new low. I’d call it the hottest human-cartoon interaction since Eddie Valiant hit his head on Jessica Rabbit’s boobs while pulling up his pants.
@bo, so you’re into peeing on people?
Dude.
To each their own, I guess.
A long time ago when I was still very single and barely 21- I was back home (which, now, ironically is just “home”) visiting…after a “night on the town”, a friend of mine was driving me home and I had to pee. So she found a “sort of” back road (it was gravel but close-ish to town) and I peed on the side of the road. A cop came along midstream and stopped to check to see what we were doing (duhhh). ANYWHOO we actually ended up in COURT over the deal — my peeing. Oh yes indeed we did.
And also? That cop now works part time for the police department where my husband is the chief of police. Oh the irony.
@Darla, in COURT??
Wow.
That means it made the paper, too, didn’t it?
also? you just reminded me to tell the story of my little cousin drinking with us older cousins. thanks!
@hello haha narf, welcome!
I peed on a church yesterday. Yeah, *on* a church, on a Sunday. Luckily it was a 7th day adventist church, and I’m pretty sure they do their churchy thing on Saturdays. Well. I hope so anyway.
What? I’d just had 1/2 a bottle of cheap wine in a storm drain with my brother. I had to pee.
@Miss Grace, oh. my. God.
You win.
Or… something.
Somewhere, Uncle Walt is weeping.
@SwanShadow, and also spinning, I suspect.
Peed in my backyard. Mickey Mouse might have flicked through my mind while doing it. Does that count?
Glad you survived, hon!
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, I think… no.
#6???
The bathroom is always the last stop. I’m pretty sure you’ll never forget THAT rule again.
Now that I’m able to get out and drink more often, my body has betrayed me by becoming OLD… and completely losing it’s tolerance for alcohol.
I might be a lightweight (now) but at least I’m a cheap date
@Kay, I have always been a cheap date.
Wait.
That didn’t come out right.
No, wait, yes it did.
I peed on the side of the road during a hurricane evacuation because I had been in the car for 9 hours and couldn’t take it anymore. There were no trees in sight, just miles and miles of Georgia highway and about 25 other people doing the same thing. The boy managed to hold it for the 19 hours it took us to get to Atlanta and I still don’t know how he did that.
@floating princess, I think hurricanes excuse all public urination.
Been there, done that. No, wait – I never pissed on Disney. But I’d like to, since they’ve given us such gems as “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody”. You pissing there makes you my hero!
@Sybil Law, well at least there’s that.
I think you should sue Disney for Failure To Deliver World Class Customer Service by suggesting to you that you pee before you left the bar that is on their property. That’d be fun.
@Poppy, welllll… technically the bar wasn’t on their property. The hotel we were going to AFTER the bar was.
Could all of this alcohol have had something to do with the awesome Karaoke performance? You ROCK!
@AmazingGreis, undoubtedly – YES.
But you redeemed yourself by having Prince as your Twitter background. Prince makes everything better. And Disney had it coming.
@NaysWay, agreed.
On all points.
*giggle* Oh my!
Yeah, feck that “drinking too quickly” stuff.
Scary.
@Al_Pal, too quickly and TOO MUCH. A bad combination.
I had the same experience last weekend, except it involved 2 bottles of Patron, some limes and a salt shaker that I kept in my pocket. Yep.In.My.Pocket. God help me.
I did manage not to pee anywhere outside of a bathroom though! Whew!
OH
MY
GOD
Scary, scary things happen in Disney after dark…..