Where is HGTV and/or Jesus The Carpenter when you need them?

I have a problem.

A serious, real and actual problem.

I have officially run out of room for shoes.  Again.

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And also?

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Full. Completely.

And that’s before I got these.

Mmmmm... My pretty, pretty new Enzos!!! Love.

I mentioned to my husband that we needed to come up with a solution for this problem because I literally do not have room to purchase and store one more pair of shoes – and he gave me a blank stare.

“I’m not done buying shoes.”

And still, he didn’t seem concerned.

Of course he’s not. Because HE has plenty of room for new shoes.

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And also, he’s a fucker.

The problem is, I could go out and buy another shoe rack – but there is no more room in my closet to fit a fifth shoe rack. I’ve already tried to convince Jared to move his stuff out of the master bedroom’s closet and into the guest room’s closet, and he gets really pissy every time I bring it up and acts like it’s his house too and stuff. So icks-nay on the ooting-bay out-ay the usband-hay.

I’m thinking we should build a shoe wall in our bedroom.

We have this big blank wall right across from the foot of our bed where I was going to hang fancy artwork, but now I see that it really seems like the perfect place for a shoe shrine storage solution.

Unfortunately, neither I nor he nor we know anything about building anything.

Oh.  And that space across from the foot of the bed where I want to put this wall of shoes is currently being used for walking to the other side of the bedroom.  But it’s my side of the bedroom and I am more than willing to crawl over my bed every time I need to get to my dresser.

Because that sounds like a perfectly reasonable solution to my problem.

Unless one of you has an idea on how I can convince Jared to move his shit into the guest room.

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  1. Wendi says:

    Oh, this IS a problem. Seriously.

    I think we need to start a letter-writing campaign to Ty Pennington.

  2. MJ says:

    I can totally relate!! I just can’t resist a cute pair of heels and I’m almost 53 so I have had years more to collect than you have. I wonder how my college boys would feel about sleeping on the couch so their rooms could be shoe closets!!!

  3. ahmielyn says:

    Maybe just put your new shoes in his shoe bag? It’s the least he can do for not accommodating your very reasonable request that he vacate the closet in the name of The Shoe.

  4. greg t says:

    Are you sure you are not my wife writing as Ms Britt??? We had an extinsion built onto our beedroom for her new closet. She had so many shoes that she needed a whole new room… Oh yeh I did get some of this “room”. I got one little closet 3 feet wide. She now wants some of that also. Any time company is comming over she shoves everything that is loose in our room into my tiny closet. Not her triple byfold door closet… SO are you sure your name is not Robin??????

  5. Hilly says:

    I say build the shoe wall in your guest room but sort of as a “closed cabinet”. Put the shoes that you only sometimes wear in there. That way, if you have guests, you don’t have to go in there every morning for shoes.

    I love how *this* seems more logical to me than telling you to get rid of some of your shoes. Heh.

  6. pgoodness says:

    You’re missing something very important here – don’t make him move his stuff to the guest room closet, make the entire guestroom your dressing room!! The guest can stay at a hotel!!

  7. DemMom says:

    That is an unbelievable, but admirable, collection of shoes. I think using the guest room for shoe overflow is a great idea!

  8. Casey says:

    where did you get your shoe rack? I need one of those! I have a hanging door one but I really like the stackable one.

  9. Alicia says:

    Okay, this is where me not being very girlie comes into focus. I’m pretty sure I have less shoes than Jared. Those red ones are *damn* cute, though. I think you could totally have a shoe wall and make it look arty, right? Like it belongs there. Like a bookcase wall (sorta like this – http://freshome.com/2007/05/17/interesting-bookcase/)… There’s gotta be a way. You might even be able to free up enough room in your closet to double your shoe collection.

  10. Kelsey says:

    Wow. Just…wow. I always think I’m an anomaly among women, since I own a grand total of 6 pairs of shoes.

  11. Avitable says:

    It’s not like he has to sleep in the guest room, just get his clothes from there. That’s perfectly reasonable.

  12. DeannaBanana says:

    The 17 pairs of flip-flops do not count at shoes…just sayin. So, you could just put those in the spare room and then hurry and buy 17 more pairs of shoes AND THEN kick Jared’s stuff to the curb. Think girl, think!! You are slipping and frankly, I’m a little ashamed.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @DeannaBanana, hey – some of those are NOT flip flops but FLATS and BALLET SLIPPERS.

      And flip flops need homes, too!

      • Molly says:

        @Miss Britt, note how she moves back to Canada and all of a sudden all the “flip flops aren’t shoes” bullshit comes out…yes it has been 10 deg celsius and I wore FLIP FLOPS!

        PS I LOVE shoes!! Your solution could be sending some shoes to DeannaBanana’s little sister…

  13. Finn says:

    Have you heard of Shoes Under? It’s one of those “as seen on TV” things. You cam get it at Target. I think it holds like 26 pairs of shoes.

    Here’s another thought: Do you really need that extra bathroom in the guest room? Because that would make an excellent shoe closet, thus making extra space in your existing closet for more clothes. Guests can share the bathroom with the kids. If they don’t like it they can stay in a hotel.

  14. Sybil Law says:

    Yep. Fortunately, we have a basement for storage and half my shoes are down there!
    I’m thinking you could put some of your shoes in the guest room closet, right? Although I LOVE the idea of a storage wall….

  15. Kris says:

    Sell one of the kids and use their room as the Shoe Room.

    (Good God, Jared has more shoes than *I* do and I’m a woman!)

  16. What about those storage bins on wheels that roll right under the bed? Get a bed skirt and no one will know the difference.

  17. Jenn says:

    Shoe bench.

  18. i say turn my bedroom into your walk in closet…just keep a little cot type thing for me in there. or i will sleep on your couch. regardless, that room would make a fabulous walk in closet for you.

  19. bad mummy says:

    Take over the guest room closet! I would suggest to sort by seasons, but I understand that you folks in the southern US have no need for several pairs of winter boots (low cut for slush, knee-high for wearing with jeans tucked in…).

    However, perhaps a small purge is in order. Auction those babies off for a good cause!

  20. B.E. Earl says:

    I think you may have a problem.

    That’s a whole lotta shoes, and I can relate. To Jared, that is. When I moved in with Gia she was using the oven as shoe storage. I shit you not. She never cooked anyway, so she just saw it as wasted space. Weirdo.

  21. Maybe the guest closet could be your shoe shrine! You could have the whole space all to yourself which would leave you more room in your current closet for–GASP! MORE CLOTHES!

    Yes? No? Please don’t hate me.

  22. SciFi Dad says:

    What if you told him that if his clothes were in the guest room closet, that every time he went to get something out of there he would get a blowjob from a blonde woman (i.e. you) who was waiting inside? Would that motivate him?

  23. Ms Batman says:

    Well as a temporary solution until Ty Pennington comes to make over your house, I alternate my shoes. One pair toes out, next pair heels out, toes out, heels out. They sort of fit together and make more room. What about having Ty build Jared a husband house in the back yard?

  24. Dawn says:

    What size shoe do you wear? You might be able to store some in my closet. :)

  25. Summer says:

    Let me know how you get him to move his stuff into another room. I’ve been working on that for 25 years and his stuff is still taking up room in my closet.

  26. Sell one of those kids and use the money to turn their room into a walk in shoe closet.

    No brainer, Britt.

  27. You can share my walk-in closet. I have exactly 3 pairs of shoes. Four, if you count my fuzzy slippers. And, no, you cannot borrow my fuzzy slippers.

  28. Coma Girl says:

    Is it wrong that reading this makes me want to go shoe shopping?

  29. Neena says:

    Take the man to Ikea and promise him some extra naked time. You may have your shoe solution before you know it!

  30. You are beyond high maintenance.

    • Kelsey says:

      @father muskrat, I was thinking something similar.

      • Miss Britt says:

        @Kelsey, hey – owning a lot of shoes because they are the one thing you are never too fat for does not make me high maintenance.

        Now, requiring someone to listen to my every thought and emotion? That might do it.

        • Kelsey says:

          @Miss Britt, But why do you need so many?

          • Miss Britt says:

            @Kelsey, I don’t “need” so many. I mean, that would suggest I would put shoes ahead of food and water and shelter.

            However, I very much ENJOY having so many, because I like shoes. I like the way they look. And “so many” because each one is different.

            And I can’t believe I am actually trying to logically explain a shoe obsession.

          • @Kelsey, why do some people collect knick knacks? At least shoes you can USE! (says the girl with a total of 6 pairs…)

    • Miss Britt says:

      @father muskrat, so is a Jaguar.

      And it’s totally worth it.

  31. Hockeyman says:

    Why don’t you just use the guest room closet only for your shoes? Seems logical to me. Or start using his empty slots. BUt don’t take my word for it, I AM a ghetto poker playing fucker!

  32. perpstu says:

    Oooohhh…shoe wall. I have a lot of empty wall space in my bedroom. I think I’ll make that suggestion to the husband unit!

  33. Jared says:

    @missbritt — Haha! I see that Adam is the only one that agreed with your idea, and I sense sarcasm in his comment. Verdict — my crap stays, unless you want to go with SciFi Dad’s idea.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Jared, a) no sarcasm in his comment.

      b) these people are obviously idiots. They suggested I sell our children.

      c) how do you feel about prostitution?

  34. Ashleigh says:

    I’m suggesting you make the guest room into your closet room. Guests can sleep on the couch. Or in a tent outside. Or in a hotel.
    But a closet room? Woman think of all the clothes and shoes you could store in there!
    If that doesn’t work, I suggest getting another one of those sliding boxes for under your bed. I keep most my flats and flipflops in one of those things, along with tennis shoes that never get worn.

  35. Ok, really liking the shoe wheel that Angel posted…that might work!

    As I said in twitter, women who love shoes also have multiple orgasms. I would tell my husband to make a choice. (those red shoes are HOT)

    T.

  36. OHmommy says:

    I have shoes in my closet. In my husband’s closet. In the mud room. And seasonal shoes stowed away in the crawl space.

    I so get this. Heh.

  37. Angel Smith says:

    Also? Shoes are for some women like tools are for some men. Never mind that they have an adjustable wrench that will replace the five sets of individual sized ones…they want them ALL. Same thing.

  38. whall says:

    I have neither sympathy nor understanding for your predicament. Well, maybe sympathy. But no empathy. Or symphony either. Dum dum dum duiuuuuum.

  39. Kirsten says:

    I want your problem. I have AAA width feet, so I have exactly 1 pair that fits properly. The rest are too wide, even when I buy the narrow width, which is AA.

    Still, I sympathize. I don’t understand why men just don’t get the whole shoe thing.

  40. kim says:

    I am voting for moving his clothes.

    My husband won this argument with me. I now have a one shoe in, one shoe out rule. No one should have to deal with that shit. And I totally agree about keeping your clothes in your closet together. I have other closets that I could use, but if I put my shoes in there, I forget which ones are where. I would need a card catalog for my shoes.

  41. kim says:

    Oh and I offered to move his clothes into another room and he just offered to move into the other room.

  42. Lynette says:

    I just gave up and moved my shoes into the “guest room” I’m hoping to turn the WHOLE THING into my shoe closet. Heh.

  43. ADallasDiva says:

    Promise him sex. Lots and lots of sex. I bet that works.

    Oh, and VERY cute shoes. I love shoes too so I totally appreciate your problem.

  44. You could always see if OHmommy’s husband is for hire…he just remodeled half their house afterall ;o) And I’d be willing to bet she has some sweet shoe storage herself (even if it’s spread throughout her house ;o)

  45. Poppy says:

    Jared: Shoes are very important. Make more room.

  46. Mich says:

    While I personally do not have this issue (am I the only woman alive with only a dozen pair of shoes?), I do believe that most women need a solution ala Goldie Hawn’s on her yacht in “Overboard”. Though I suppose many would need a few of those side by side!

  47. Emily says:

    You have awesome shoes! The pinkish ones with the black bows?? LOVE THEM.

  48. vulgarwizard says:

    If you wear an 8 1/2, you can pass those pink peep toes with black trim my way. Then you’ll have room for the new red peep toes, which are friggin’ AWESOME by the way.

  49. jo says:

    Do you really need the bed? Or could you get rid of that and sort of start hording shoes in it’s place, leaving just enough room to fit two bodies snugly on the floor among them? Just a thought.

  50. Lauren says:

    That’s some intense shoe collecting. I have no space in my closet so my prized shoes are still in a box. Sometimes at night I think I can hear them crying.

  51. Jennifer says:

    My husband’s clothes are (mostly) in the guest room. I’m trying to get him to make a shoe system in my closet — so the shoes rotate up and down at the push of a button. Then I would be able to store shoes all the way to the ceiling. (How else are short people going to use all that space?) I figure all that money paying for those engineering courses should be worth something for me!

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