Ford and Nikon and BlogHer will probably wish they never met me. OOPS!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Yesterday I spewed 1500 words about BlogHer – and got through Wednesday.

The conference didn’t even start, officially, until Friday.

There is just so damn much.

I was in Chicago for five days and every single one of those days was filled with highs and lows and laughter and nervousness and – because it’s me – embarrassing shit that makes me simultaneously giggle and cringe.  I want to tell you all of it, but realize that a) I can’t, and b) you would probably kill me if I tried.

In the metaphorical sense, of course.

Unless you’re totally crazy and would actually consider trying to hunt me down in order to kill me for being a boring blogger.  In which case – did I mention I recently moved to Virginia?

ANYway, instead of doing a fabulous job of storytelling, I’m just going to word vomit on you.  My apologies in advance.

Thursday

I was in Chicago early because I got invited to attend a Ford PR thingie.  That’s the official name.  Thingie.  As you may recall, I was totally excited to be invited to anything, and totally less excited when I realized this was the kind of anything that did not involve booze or free stuff.  I was, in other words, dreading having to go listen to a bunch of PR people drag on and on at me about how awesome their blah blah blah was.

And then I went and fell head over heels in love with Ford.

The company.  The cars.  The totally fucking awesome people.

My first encounter with Ford was the oh so cute Scott Monty, who does their online PR or something.  He is, as I told twitter, cuuuuute.  He is also happily married, which makes him even cuter.  He also knew all about “Found On Road Dead” – which I found out when I mentioned it to him, because I am a piece of work. Clearly.

This is me being classy with my bus mates at Ford

This is me being classy with my bus mates at Ford

Basically, we rode on buses to a local Ford plant and they showed us all of the cool stuff that is available on the new Fords.  By “they” I mean both the marketing people and the actual engineer people who made up the cool new stuff.  I cannot even tell you how awesome it was to squee about the parking assist feature and watch the guy who helped create it absolutely BEAM with pride at his own work.  I also cannot begin to tell you how absolutely gorgeous all of the women who work at Ford are.

Seriously.

I think they recruit from anchor woman school or something.

ANYway – it was amazing. If you ever get a chance to tour the facilities of an American car company, do it.  And then, for the love of God, buy American.  In fact, *I* would personally recommend you buy Ford – because they are that fucking awesome.  They have, in my opinion, done a craptastic job of letting people know about their fuel efficiency and their environmental efforts and their technological advances and their quality and their blah blah blah anything but cliched stuff you see in car commercials.

I walked out of that experience proud to be American and proud to see that we do, in fact, still make damn fine cars.

And no one paid me a damn dime to say that.

Clearly.  Because I think Scott Monty would die of a heart attack if he knew I used the words “damn” and “craptastic” and “fucking” in this little write up.

And this is why people should invite me to stuff.

Heh.

ANYway.

The other highlight of Thursday for me was making an absolute ass of myself in front of Amalah.

OMFG its AMALAH!  And Ezra! (and me)

OMFG it's AMALAH! And Ezra! (and me)

I saw her eating or drinking or something and literally lost my shit. I pointed.  I jumped up and down.  I squeed like a motherfucker.  It was my one and only complete and total fan girl moment of the weekend.  And I so don’t care because DUDES, I MET AMALAH!

Friday

I had my panel on Friday and it was.. well… meh, to be honest with you.  It didn’t go exactly as I’d hoped and I talked wayyyy too much and owe ZoeyJane the world’s biggest apology for running all over her.  I walked out of the room kind of shaky and wanting desperately to dodge any compliments and encouragement I received.

Clearly, I have issues.

Friday night I got to attend an offsite party hosted by Nikon.  Two totally awesome things happened at that party that I will be gushing about until the day I die.

One – when we got to the event we had to show some form of ID to get a bracelet.  While everyone was showing badges, I was standing around talking and basically waiting my turn.  I looked down to see someone strapping a black wristband on me.

“Hey, um, you didn’t ask me for my ID,” I said.

The brunette behind the check in table smiled.  “You’re Miss Britt,” she said.  “I read your blog.”

And then my head exploded.  I grinned and laughed and told every single person who would listen that “holy crap!  That Nikon worker lady knew who I was!  She reads my blog!  Holy shit I AM THE MOST AWESOME PERSON IN THE WORLD!”

Because I am nothing if not humble.

Two – we all got in line to meet Carson Kressley.  The gig was, apparently, that we would get our pictures taken and then Carson would give us pointers on how to “look good in pictures”.  Melissa and I took our before pictures together and Carson suggested she put her hair back to show off her shoulders a little more.

Then he turned to me, waved his hand over me, and said “You’re perfect.”

And then my whole body exploded.  And I jumped up and down and squeed and told anyone who would listen that “CARSON SAID I WAS PERFECT!  My husband might think I’m a shit – but CARSON SAID I WAS PERFECT!  Someone, please, make sure that ends up on my tombstone!”

Because, again, I am humble.

My chubby ass and Carson

My chubby ass and Carson

And perfect.

The Nikon event was super fun, but after a little while a few of us headed back into the limos to make our way to the MamaPop party.

And Oh. My. God.

That party?  Was fantastic.

I dont know what that is in my dress.  Really.

I don't know what that is in my dress. Really.

I danced my ass off.  And possibly Michael’s ass off as well.  This was just one hellaciously good party.  No swag bag, no wall to wall people.  Just a dance floor and awesome 80s music and a bunch of people hanging out.

Of course, I had to be literally carried back to my room and my feet still have not regained full feeling.  But it was worth it.  Sweetney and Her Bad Mother deserve some kind of awesome party planning award.

Saturday

The highlight of Saturday for me was getting to moderate the “men” panel of BlogHer.

Adam, Matthew and Jim were phenomal.  Absolutely phenomenal.  They were funny and touching and amazing.  I was honored to share a stage with them even if it was just to hold a microphone and ask questions from a piece of paper.

Preparing for the Men of BlogHer panel

Preparing for the Men of BlogHer panel

On a personal note, I can’t even express how proud I was of Adam.  Although I sure as hell tried by saying “I am just so damn proud of you” over and over and over again all weekend.  But – well – I was.  I am.  I watched a man who barely left his house two years ago, get on a stage and make people laugh.  I watched him walk up to total strangers and introduce himself.

And mostly, I watched hundreds and hundreds of strangers discover what I have known forever: how absolutely awesome he is.

Adam and Britt

Adam and Britt

And now you’ll have to excuse me while I go throw up a little.

ANYway.

My takeaway from BlogHer is this:

There is far more good in the world than bad.

the Muskrat

the Muskrat

in the Nikon limo

in the Nikon limo

with ChildsPlayX2

with ChildsPlayX2

Most people, if given the chance, will astound you with their grace and humor and vibrance.  We are, most of us, pretty much the same.  We want a chance to laugh and talk and be heard.  We want to know you better.  We want to dance.  We want to feel a connection to the people around us.

Sure, there are assholes in the world.  There are things that will disappoint you and make you shake your head.  There are people who you will learn are better kept at arm’s length.

But there is so much more good than bad.

Maria and Me

Maria and Me

Mr Lady, Me and Avitable

Mr Lady, Me and Avitable

And also?

Heh.

Heh.

I’m kind of a tool.

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  1. avitable says:

    Your panel was so much more than meh. It was funny and interesting, and you and Terra did a great job!

  2. Connie says:

    Sounds like you had a blast!

    Funny thing– that pic of you and Carson made me stop in my tracks. Not because of you, but because the little man above Carson makes it look like he has a Peewee Herman haircut.

  3. othurme says:

    That looks like someone’s room key in your dress…. I’m guessing Carson’s. You converted him.

  4. Neena says:

    Okay, you think you’re a tool!? I totally wanted to introduce myself to you, but I thought I was the big geek and you were the cool kid. So I didn’t.

  5. Sarah Bellum says:

    Clearly you’re retarded, because I thought your panel was all sorts of great.

  6. Is it just my computer that underlines your swears? Or is it some ninja I SWEAR A LOT plugin?
    OR AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT NOTICES.

  7. Sybil Law says:

    I love the recap!
    I knew it would be good. :D

  8. sizzle says:

    This reminds me, I’ve got a photo or two of you on the dance floor at the dancing party. That party was a blast even though I only caught the tail end of it.

    It was really great to finally meet you in person. Thanks for volunteering!

  9. Finn says:

    So… you overshared at your panel about oversharing? ;)

    And? Carson just proved that he does, in fact, have impeccible taste.

  10. palinode says:

    It was really good to meet you at the Chi Bar on Saturday night. I believe I was hideously drunk and plying you with compliments so baroque and obscure that I had to qualify them by saying “…and that’s fucking awesome!”

    So yes. Sorry about that.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @palinode, lol, I actually remember that.

      In all the pictures I have with you and Schmutzie, you guys are both looking away with a “someone save me please!” look on your faces. LOL

  11. Kim says:

    Can’t wait til next year !!

    And may I borrow the phrase “word vomit” before it goes all TM and such?

  12. whall says:

    I like how phallic the BlogHer ’10 banner ad is on your side bar. Right under “now” – it’s like they’re just challenging us all to a size contest.

  13. Shash says:

    You are the awesomest ‘tool’ in the shed!! ;)

    thanks for hanging out with me. :)

  14. Cara says:

    I am kicking myself for not coming up and talking to you. I loved how you “handled” the vaginally challenged panel. Now coming here, I love your writing. And the pink hair, of course, is DIVINE.

    Btw, was Carson really that oily in person, because dude looks like he’s dripping?

  15. Hi there! Just found your blog today! You are so funny and what’s even better is that we have the same name!

    Your pictures are great, but just one thing. In the midst of Carson’s expert advice, why didn’t anyone advise him to powder his head? Just wondering.

  16. OMG. I just “squee”-d in my office when I saw my pic on this post. Yes. I am a total tool. And a total fan girl. You’ve got to come to Vegas baby. We’ll close the place down.

  17. melissa says:

    yeah, i have big hair, what can i say. but he also liked my top so :P
    y’know, even though you’re cuter than i am…i really kinda like you.

  18. Maria says:

    You are such an amazing person Britt, I can’t even begin. You just make everyone else around you really happy, just by being you.

    And your panel was awesome, save for one thing, but I already talked to you about my feelings on that. It definitely wasn’t YOU that was the problem.

    I was a bit drunk.

  19. amy2boys says:

    Hey – I’m usually a lurker (a tool, I know) but today I had to say that you are the cutest thing on two wheels. If by wheels I mean legs, but you see my point.

    I decided not to go this year, but next year I want to meet you. And also – come to Blissdom in February!!

  20. annettek says:

    I gotta say, you were too cute when you lost your shit over Amalah! Hey, that’s my butt in the back of that picture. It was nice to meet you, although very briefly!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @annettek, OMG you have no idea how nice it was to have someone there like “um, hey, I DO know who you are. Hi.” And it was funny because I INSTANTLY pictured your black and white avatar. LOL

      So thanks for saving a little of my dignity for me.

  21. If you have ANY kind of influence with BlogHer, could we please have it somewhere in FL one of these years?

    I vote for Key Biscayne!

  22. Tonz says:

    First of all I must say…you look absolutely gorgeous!!!

    And secondly, sometimes I forget how fabulous people can be. I get caught up in all the negative. Then someone surprises you.

  23. I almost got a wee *tear* reading that part about us all being the same cause we really are.

    All those other ‘different’ mutha truckas can totally suckit.

  24. 2 things dear, 2 things.

    1)want another reason to buy Ford? They didn’t take the bail-out $$ (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/10/ford-bailout-money-unnece_n_149824.html)

    We were already a semi-ford family, but that? Totally seals the deal for us.

    2)Chubby ass, my foot! You look amazing in those pics. I iz jealous of your photogenic-ness and WISH my ass was as tiny as yours.

  25. MariaV says:

    Your hair looks fabulous and your clothes rock. And can your skin look more gorgeous?

  26. martymankins says:

    Your ass is not even in that photo with Carson. How do we know it’s chubby? (it’s not, IMO, as I’ve seen other photos you’ve previously posted).

    Looks like you had a great time there.

  27. This challenges Maria’s for my fav BlogHer recap post. Thanks to you and Adam for showing me how to be great online personality while keeping enough humility and gratitude to be a great in-person personality as well!

    I liked both of y’all’s panels.

    I just wish y’all had stayed up longer each night, so I could be reminded of what I said and did when it came time to write about it (instead of having to rely on horribly typed tweets after the fact).

    And thanks for making me go out on the dance floor. Did you notice how everyone else came out there after we did? Damn right it was a good day.

  28. Scott Monty says:

    Hey, I think Carson knows his stuff. And you – you clearly know how to get reactions. I’m glad we didn’t fail in that department at Ford, with the Active Park Assist and all of the other great technology you saw.

    Thank you *so* much for coming, Britt. You were an absolute delight and I’m glad you were there.

    Oh, and I’m passing along your anchorwoman comment to our female executives who were there. Maybe even to the men, too. ;-)

    Scott Monty
    Global Digital Communications
    Ford Motor Company
    @ScottMonty

    P.S. I prefer “craptacular”

  29. Headless Mom says:

    God I love you. And I may steal your bus group picture, if that’s ok with you.

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