In Which I Ask You To Stand By Me Through BlogHer

In two days I leave for BlogHer.

I swear, I can actually hear most of you groaning.

Sure, there are a handful of you who read this blog who will also be attending BlogHer.  And maybe you are just as excited and nervous as I am.  I’m certain you are.

But the rest of you, the bulk of you, who have been reading me for years - I know how you feel about BlogHer.  I know that we do not run in those circles.  I know that you roll your eyes at the term “mommy blogger”, while at the same time yielding it as a insult.  I know that you scoff at commercialism and monetization and mainstream or A-list anything.

I know how you feel – and it scares me.

Because you, more than anyone, are my people.

It was you who welcomed me to blogging with open arms.  You don’t flinch when I say “fuck” and you don’t care about my page ranking.  You picked me up at airports and and invited me into your homesYou emailed me when I was afraid my marriage was falling apart, and you counted down the days to my move to Florida.  You’ve laughed at my jokes without asking me to perform for you.

You got me, when no one else did.

And you still get me, when nothing I have to say is thought provoking or controversial or stumble worthy or in any way important to anyone but me.  And you.

It’s childish and silly, but I’m terrified of losing you.  And at the same time, I want so badly to share with you all of the details about what’s coming up for me this week – because it’s big and new and holy crap, you guys will not believe all of the shit I have been invited to do!

So as much as you don’t “get” BlogHer or a big ginormous BlogHer conference or why in the hell I would have any interest in going, I need more than anything to share this with you.  Because you are my people, and that’s what we do with each other.

I’ve stuck the agonizing details after the jump…

First and foremost:
I'm Speaking at BlogHer '09

Holy. Shit.

I am speaking at BlogHer.

Me.  The girl who got kicked out a mommy group.  The girl who PR companies run screaming from.  The girl who comes with a warning label and is banned from Paneras all over the world!  And they’re giving me a microphone.

In fact, they’re giving me my own room.  With a panel and stuff.  Granted, they didn’t actually ask me to speak and I suggested a room that other people voted on and therefore they kind of had to let me talk a little and stuff.  But still.  I’m one of the panelists for the Room of Your Own: Reallly Personal Blogging – How Much info is TMI?

Which technically means I am speaking.  At BlogHer.

(And I’m more than a little concerned no one will be showing up – so if you are coming to BlogHer, please come to my room.  So that I don’t look like a dumbass.  Thanks.)


Carson Kressley

Carson Kressley

I’m going to a party with Carson Kressley.  For those of you who had to google Carson Kressley’s name – he’s one of the Fab Five from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and the show “How to Look Good Naked”.  You know, minor celebrity and all that.  We’re probably going to be BFFs by the end of the night.  Clearly.

But what is super stupid cool about this is that I’m hanging out with him because I got invited to a “Nikon Night Out” event.  By a PR person.  Who had actually looked at this blog.

Let me just tell you how much I dropped my jaw and crapped my pants when I got that email.

I never get invited to crap. Occasionally, my friends get invited to crap and ask if I can come along.  One time, a company had left over tickets to SeaWorld and my friends gave me the link so that I could go claim them.  Thus has been the extent of my participation with “exclusive” events or perks of any kind.

(And it is probably totally awesome right now that I am recounting in precise detail how uninterested other PR companies are in me.  I’m sure that’s making the poor Nikon lady who emailed me feel very confident in her decision to include me.  Heh.)

ANYway – I’m excited as hell.  And I know that makes me shallow and superficial and incredibly immature, but I feel like I just got asked to the prom by some really hot guy who never talked to me before.

Shit.  That only ever happens on a bet.

I swear to God if someone drops a bucket of pig’s blood on my black dress and $95 stilettos, I will tweet the shit out of it.  In a bad way.

Moving on!




XShot printed my business cards for me and gave me 5 free XShots to giveaway at BlogHer.  They also let me get a coupon thingy so that people can save $6 if they buy it from my site and use the code BH09Britt.  That’s really mostly exciting to me because I am kind of a psychotic fan of the XShot and otherwise was going to be too cheap to buy business cards.

Because I bought $95 shoes, instead.

Yummie Tummie
So – apparently there is this thing called a “Yummie Tummie” that is just like a regular tank top or t-shirt, except that Oprah says it also makes you look skinny.  And I’m getting TWO of them.  For free.  With the condition that I wear them to BlogHer and pull my shirt up at some point.

In other words, someone looked at me and thought “hey, that looks like a girl who needs a girdle and isn’t afraid to pull her shirt up in public if she has enough to drink.  CALL HER!”

Those tank top thinks are expensive as hell so – YAY!  HA!  I totally AM that girl who needs a girdle and will probably pull my shirt up!  Suckahs!!

Wait a minute.

Moving on!


Sorrelli Jewelry!  Free!

All I know about this stuff is that I saw Angie wearing a necklace once and I gushed over how gorgeous it was and asked her where she got it and she told me how much it only costs about over a hundred dollars per necklace and I thought “hm, well, that’s pretty.  In my fucking dreams.

And now I’m getting my very own necklace and earring set.  For free.  To wear to BlogHer.  And then keep.  For free.

Did I mention I’m getting hundreds of dollars in jewelry for free?

So.  There’s that.


I am actually flying into Chicago a day earlier so that I can attend a Ford Drive & Ride event Thursday morning.  And Ford is paying for my hotel room that night – because my opinion is oh so valuable and worth the cost of a room at the Sheraton.

Now, this was the very, very first BlogHer related PR email I got.

And it started with “you are one of 50 people” and I pretty much slit my wrists and signed my return email in blood after reading that.  Because the way to get an insecure girl who is getting ready to meet 1400 people who have no clue who she is to do just about anything you want, is to be the first person to make her feel special.  And one of 50.

I have not, unfortunately, been given a car.

I have, it seems, agreed to spend several hours touring a Ford plant.  I have to wear pants and closed toed shoes.  I have to sit in a room with some people and tell them what I think my readers and I need and want and value in a car.  I do, however, get to sit in a car that parallel parks without me touching the wheel.  Which will undoubtedly make me say things like “Holy fuck this is the coolest thing EVER!  Shit!  Shit!  Are you fucking kidding me?!?!  AWESOME!”

I will not, obviously, be bringing my business cards to this event.

And I’m probably going to tell them my name is Stacy.

I think if I’m wearing closed toed flats I can totally pull off a believable Stacy.

And thus ends the gloating portion of our show.

So.  That’s what I’ll be doing for most of this week.

I’m trying to remind myself of all this really awesome stuff that is happening in a desperate attempt to ignore the fact that this is not TequilaCon and no one is going to have a fucking clue who I am.  I’m trying to remember all of the times that I have encouraged my friends to step outside of their comfort zones and not think about the fact that I am terrified that people will not like me.  Or that I will be too loud and too silly and too obnoxious for all of those oh so serious bloggers.

And I’m hoping like hell that you, yes you, will still be here when I get back.


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  1. avitable says:

    I’m really hoping that my experience at BlogHer is a positive one that I relish and makes me anticipate next year. I know that’s what it will be like for you, though. You’re going to shine.

  2. Maria says:

    You’re such a big deal, dude. <3

  3. Adam’s right – you are going to shine. We all do – there’s a place for everyone, just like BlogLand.
    It’s gives me good butterflies every time I think about seeing you, Adam, Sam and Casey next week. I don’t squee but I may emit a slight Squ for you.

  4. Elizabeth says:

    You deserve everything you are getting! I didn’t have a single company offer to send me anything to wear at BlogHer, what was your secret? :) See you at the Nikon thing!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Elizabeth, let me tell you exactly how I got the free stuff.

      XShot – I asked.

      Yummie Tummie – one of their PR people happens to write for me at UpTake.

      Sorrelli – I really did gush over Angie’s and she is a retailer for them and asked if a bunch of us could get stuff to wear to BlogHer.

  5. Angel Smith says:

    Not only will I stand by you…I will, literally, be standing by you because you are one of the few people I have MET-met that will be there. So I hope you like me or at least don’t hate me, or it’s gonna be a shitty weekend for you. Heh!

    Also? Why aren’t tampon PR people all over you? (I almost said “all up in you” but that would have been totally inappropriate. But I guess I just said it anyway, didn’t I? Oops!)

    And I am totally going to your panel.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Angel Smith, I DO like you! Yay!

      My husband was asking me yesterday why Crystal Light and some vodka company aren’t clamoring for me to do product placements for them. LOL

  6. Rachel says:

    The only reason I don’t want to hear about it is I am kicking myself for not going to BlogHer. I LIVE IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!! I am so cheap at the wrong times.

    I’m jealous, but looking forward to your posts.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Rachel, even without travel, the conference and stuff is expensive – so I get that. I’ve actually missed a lot of events right here in Orlando for the very same reason.

    • Dawn says:

      @Rachel, DOOD – you don’t need a conference ticket to come party – 1030pm Sheraton Chicago Thursday the 23rd – be there! Get a vibrator!

  7. Jared says:

    I am excited for you, and I am going to miss you lots. Just remember to have fun.

  8. Hilly says:

    Not being a big fan of BlogHer is wayyyy different than not being a big fan of YOU. I will never confuse one with the other, silly pants.

    I hope you have a great time and shine like the little happy star that I know you are! I really do mean it, FYI.

  9. Stacey Taylor says:

    To pull off a believable Stacey, you might need Birkenstocks and a ponytail.

  10. I’ll be there stroking your curls all creepy like when I start to miss my kid.

  11. fidget says:

    Ill stand by you, folded up nicely in your suitcase- I’ll fit, right?

    I swear, next year is my year to go. Me + pregnancy + blood clotting disorder do not mix with planes but fuck if i am not jealous as hell about you getting invited to a Nikon event HELLO NIKON, woo me away from Canon- I dare you!

  12. Amy@UWM says:

    So if I gush over your Sorreli jewelry do I get free stuff for next year’s BlogHer? Seriously, who do I have to sleep with to get that sweet deal?

  13. VDog says:


    How come *I* never get any of the cool shit???

  14. Maria says:

    Fuuuuuuu. I forgot about the closed toe shoe thing. *runs to pack sneakers*

    I’m excited to meet you. I haven’t been around as long as the others, but I get you and I adore you for all the reasons everyone else does.

    Simply because you’re you.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Maria, I can’t even tell you how excited I am that you have reached out to me so much. You seem so cool and confident and don’t need any fucking body and if you hadn’t been so nice to me, I’d be hiding in a corner from you. LOL

      BTW – if you want, I’ll call you Jamie at the Ford thing.

  15. Sarah says:

    Dude, you got a lot of free shit! That is totally awesome.

    Have fun at blogher and just remember to breath. You will be awesome. You always are.

  16. I can’t wait to meet you. See you there. Thaks for always being TMI. I, for one, dig it.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, I JUST found out last night that you were going to BlogHer, too. I am soooo behind.

      Looking forward to meeting you!!!

  17. Of course we’ll be here when you get back. Silly girl! You are going to have a great time and I can’t wait to read all about it.

  18. Lynda says:

    I’m sure things will go great, Stacy!

  19. Kid, you’re in the Hot Blogger Calendar. Everyone will know who you are. ;}

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Backpacking Dad, that’s right!

      Maybe I should just show up with a sash that says “Miss February” and be all “what? don’t you know?” when people act confused.

  20. Sodapop says:

    Girl, I’d gnaw my own hand off if I got to party with Carson Kressley! OMFG!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE Carson!!!!

    I may not “get” the whole Blog-her thing, but it’s okay, I don’t HAVE too. As long as YOU get it and it’s what YOU want to do, I’m behind you 100%. Cause like you said, I’m one of your “people” I get it.

  21. Faiqa says:

    Wow, how wonderful is all that up there?!!

    You know what I find incredibly surprising, though? How incredibly surprised you get when people acknowledge all that is wonderful about you. It baffles me.

    Have a wonderful time.

    I still hate you for actually going, though.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Faiqa, “You know what I find incredibly surprising, though? How incredibly surprised you get when people acknowledge all that is wonderful about you. It baffles me.”

      I thought about this all morning while I was getting ready. And damn, it must be annoying as hell.

      I don’t know what it is. I think my fear is less that people won’t like me, and more that the people who don’t like me are always so damn VOCAL about it. It’s always been like that. I’m the girl that, for whatever reason, is safe to hate publicly and openly and with no repercussions.

      I don’t know. It’s weird.

      • Faiqa says:

        @Miss Britt, It’s not annoying… even though I think I once said that it was in a bid to tough love you out of being that way. Anyway, those people are bastards. And, obviously, in addition to lacking the discretion and good manners to keep an opinion nobody cares to hear all to themselves, those people clearly lack good TASTE.

  22. MJ says:

    Have fun Britt!! eeerrrrr Stacey…..

    Really, have a blast and enjoy the fun.

  23. just because i don’t want to go to blogher doesn’t mean that i am not excited for you to have a wonderful time away. regardless of where you go. i do wanna hear all about it. because it is important to you and i adore you, it is therefore important to me.

    and? I AM THRILLED FOR YOU WITH ALL OF YOUR FREE STUFF! way fucking cool. you might get jacked because sometimes guys buy me dinner and drinks, but you are rubbing elbows with carson! sa-weet!

    do me a favor and tell the folks at ford that their f-150 is a sexy truck. (i almost traded my chevy suv in last week for a f-150.) you could also tell them that what this girl wants is POWER in her vehicles. AMERICAN MADE POWER. oh. wait. i am not the blogher crowd so they probably won’t care. tell em anyhow. thanks!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @hello haha narf, I am actually writing down this bit about the f-150 and power and blah blah blah.

      Because otherwise, all I’ve got is, “hey, I feel cool in my mustang.”

      Love yew.

  24. We’re going to have lots of fun! And we’ll all be loud and obnoxious with you.

  25. I don’t actually “get” what the hell BlogHer is about. I’m just going for the swag and drinks – which aren’t even free since I had to pay for it and all. But anyway. I don’t know if my ticket allows me through the pearly gates to attend your panel but if it does, I’m totally there!

    If someone runs up and tackles you from behind, don’t freak, it’s just me. And I’ll try not to puke on you because me? Way super nervous. And I don’t even have a reason to be there, I’m just going.

  26. Dawn says:

    Have the BEST time! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Say “hi” to Carson for me. No, I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me. But, whatever, I think he’s a riot.

    I’ll “see” (i.e. read) you when you get back.


  27. Shash says:

    You are going to shine like the beautiful star you are and the rest of us are going to bask in the light.

    I can’t wait to see you shine. :)


  28. I don’t want to give anything away, but I’m dedicating my signature karaoke song to you on Friday night. You’d better not be at some PR thing at that time or I’ll cry. I can’t remember, do you have my number? Email me.

    I’m very excited to finally meet you after all this time, Britt. I’m sure a lot of people are.

  29. Jenn says:

    I feel like you and Adam are going off to the prom! Have fun and don’t let him look up your dress with his shiny shoes.

    XX Jenn

  30. Cheri says:

    How exciting for you! I hope you have a ton of fun and I’m looking forward to reading all about it when you return!

  31. Wendy says:

    Oh Britt! You are coming into your own! Others are starting to realize just how awesome you are! And not stuck up! And they want to learn how to be awesome and not stuck up just like you! Isn’t it the best feeling in the world when the “important people” (not that they are any more important than you – but I’m pretty sure you know what I mean because I’ve been through the same think with my work in the last few years…..)actually acknowledge something that you’ve know all along – you are very smart, very talented and one of the coolest people to be around!

    Your faithful readers aren’t leaving. Don’t worry. We are all so happy for you! And so proud to see you grow and learn to be comfortable with the woman you have become.

    As for the ones that do leave, fuck ‘em.

    ps – the ford plant visit? Yeah. I’d probably say the same thing and totally embarrass myself. Either that or be so damn nervous I wouldn’t speak a word…..

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Wendy, wait – was there a time people thought I was stuck up?!?! Or do you mean in compared to other people who seem stuck up??


      Thanks for sticking around for the whole process. :-)

  32. Casey says:

    Sounds like a great time Britt. I am happy for all your success and HAVE FUN!

  33. So excited to finally meet you!

  34. Looking forward to your panel. I have a feeling a lot of people are and I should get there early if I want a seat.

  35. Finn says:

    Roll with it, Stacey (totally singing The Ting Tings now, btw). Enjoy the hell out of every second of it. You’ll be awesome.

    And Carson? Squeeee! Love him.

    I wanna hear all about it. Or stow away in your suitcase.

  36. There is a reason all this good stuff is happening to you.
    You reach out and grab all the fun things that life has to offer.Even if you’re a little nervous and afraid, you do it anyway.
    You are the person I wish I had been in my 20′s and 30′s.
    Go have a blast, Stacy/Britt!

  37. Selma says:

    I’m just sorry I can’t hear your talk. Everyone at BlogHer will love you. Enjoy yourself, you deserve it. I’ll look forward to hearing all your stories when you return!

  38. mare says:

    the Yummy Tummy is on sale!—Long-Length.shtml

    For those who don’t get them free ;-0

  39. Mrs Soup says:

    You are going to have a great time! Revel in the free stuff but more importantly, HAVE FUN! Why go if you aren’t going to enjoy yourself?

    I’ll still be here after a weekend of stale popcorn, diapers and hopefully some time to edit photos, just waiting for the tales from an exciting weekend to come in.

  40. Ren says:

    Not my thing, but I know you’re going to have a great time, as you should. Enjoy!

  41. OHmommy says:

    I seriously have not pooped in over a week. That’s how nervous I am for BlogHer. See you at the Nikon thingy. Looking forward to meeting you.

  42. I hope y’all have an awesome time and will look forward to reading about it. Would like to go too…maybe next year.

  43. Have fun, and I hope you’re able to post video of the speaking engagement for the rest of us to enjoy. PS: Love the pink highlights!

  44. Karly says:

    I’m going to the Ford event too. Let’s make a pact and all wear flip-flops. Pretty please?

    And all I’m getting for free is a bra and underwear from Hanes. I think. I could be wrong. I just know that I emailed some stranger my measurements.

    Oh, and I DID win the $1200 J&J sponsorship, so I suppose that’s “free.” But that was a random drawing, not a “ooh, you’re special and you deserve this” kind of thing. Whatever.

  45. Robin says:

    Britt, please! Like i’d stop reading because you went to BlogHer. To be honest, if it wasn’t so damn expensive I would probably be there too. It sounds like a great upcoming weekend….and a FABULOUS opportunity for you. :)

    Can you have someone ::coughAdamHeathAvitablecough:: tape your presentation and out it on YouTube/Vimeo?

  46. NYCWD says:

    It sounds like a blast and I’m sure you’ll have a good time.

    And don’t worry about getting infected by CorporateMongeringMommyBloggingItis… I know the cure for that disease.

    It’s called “unfollow”. ;)

    Or I could just cut you back to reality.

    I’m flexible like that.

  47. marielle says:

    So, being a Chicago native, I want to say, yayyy something’s in my favorite city ever! :)
    While you’re in the city, it’d be totally cool if you did the following:
    Bask in the sun at Millenium Park and take a few pictures of “the Bean”
    and then walk around Navy Pier at night, and take a camera on your ride up the tallest ferris wheel in the world, and get some amazing picture of the city sparkling like diamonds from those heights….

    Have fun, and if you get a chance, try both of those things. :)

  48. Dave2 says:

    I am completely indifferent to BlogHer, as I am not it’s target audience. That being said, why would I have problem with anybody else going? I wish you nothing but the best of luck for your talk, and hope you have an awesome time!

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Dave2, I don’t know. I know none of you would actually have a “problem” with me going. I just feel very weird stepping outside of my circle of friends.

      I’m afraid I’ll end up not belonging anywhere.

  49. I looked at the BlogHer schedule for the first time last night and thought, “CRAP! This is a serious conference! And I’m going to get out of the house! I’m such a doof.”

    But I will definitely be at your panel. And you’re going to be great!

  50. Next year, I want to be you, and get all this great free shit just for showing up and writing about it. That’s my life goal: free shit for writing about it. I can TOTALLY do that.

    Me, I paid for my 2 Yummy Tummy tanks. And they do make you feel skinnier, and maybe look skinnier. I did get a discount by using a special blogher09 code. Yay me!

    I’ll come cheer you on in your ROYO. I was planning to listen in since I’m all about TMI on my blog.

  51. Sybil Law says:

    I think it’s fantastic that you’re going and you’re excited about it AND that you got free stuff. Who the hell wouldn’t be happy for you?! Although, I am a little jealous, but fortunately green looks good on me. :P
    Have a great time – can’t wait to see drunken tweets and the recap!

  52. Stacy O says:

    That sounds like alot of fun. I only started blogging a couple yrs ago and i will never get to your point, but i can live through you. :) Oh, and BTW. my name is Stacy and i love girdles and closed toe shoes. I swear…

  53. Jennifer A says:

    Can’t wait to hear your recap of BlogHer. Will be way different than mine. I’ll be in the corner in the $20 sandals or the converse. not sure yet.

  54. Jamie says:

    i’d love to go, but alas, i’m hugely pregnant so it isn’t going to happen…i was wondering if you would ask the folks at ford why they don’t have a vehicle like the durango or the yukon that can seat 8 people? i love my fords but i really don’t want to have to get a 15 passenger van when i only need to seat ONE more person than 7…

  55. beyond crazy nerdy flop-sweats excited.

    and if I hadn’t already met you and made you love me, i’d be scared shitless of meeting your hotness.

    now, i know better.

  56. Chocolate says:

    Good luck hon. You’re gonna be great. Just be you. They’ll love you, and if by some tiny chance they’re total schmucks with no sense of humor and don’t? Screw em.We do, and they acknowledged that when they invited you. You reach people. I’m planning to live vicariously through you since I never go anywhere so make with the details sistah.

  57. MariaV says:

    You’re going to be the highlight of the conference.

    I’ll be here waiting for your return. ;-)

  58. Just bought a plane ticket, so, now I’m asking you to stand by me at Blogher!

  59. Once again, a reminder of why I love you Britt! Have fun and enjoy all of your prizes. I can’t make it this year but I expect video, and lots of it. Rooting for you!

  60. Three things have me all envious and jealous and bummed out and covetous (love this word!) and all begrudging about BlogHer: 1) My daughter Audrey is going; 2) you are going; and 3) I am not going. Please find Audrey at some time during the weekend. You will love her. She is the most fun and funniest person in the world. I told her the same about you.

    And one more thing… so many people will want to know you that you’ll be fighting them off with your Sorrelli Jewels, closed-toe flats and business cards. Love you tons! Have the best, best, best time!

  61. kapgar says:

    I would totally be there watching and supporting you… if I were going to attend BlogHer. Can I do it in absentia?

  62. Mik says:

    Just have fun and meet some new people, just as you reckon not many will know who you are, there’ll be plenty of people you have no clue as to who they are.

    Have fun, snag all the swag and heckle the crap out of Adam.

  63. You’ll be awesome at BlogHer! I wish I were going…I’m hoping for next year.

    Have fun!

  64. If I promise to go next year, will you dye your hair my favorite color?

  65. RebTurtle says:

    If you could please put a bug in Ford’s ear to drop the Explorer SportTrac and/or offer a 4-door Ranger like they have in South Africa, South America, and Australia for over a decade? I just traded in my 3rd Ranger (and 5th Ford overall) for a Honda Ridgeline because I couldn’t fit 2 car seats in the Ranger. The reason I didn’t go with the Explorer SportTrac? -I didn’t like the taller bed and the overall styling. The reason I didn’t go for the F150 SuperCrew? -My wife felt it was “too big.”

    Besides, the Ranger has only had about 2 significant changes in the last 26 years. I love it, but it’s long overdue for more than a facelift. I’d love to see a 4 or 6 cylinder diesel option!

    Thanks for being my gripe conduit!

  66. corrin says:

    I’m headed downtown for Blogher today! I was nervous because I wasn’t treated too nice by mommy bloggers at Blissdom but I decided to say to hell with them and what do you know…some of them now want to meet me!

  67. martymankins says:

    At first I was wondering what an XShot was. Then I clicked through and saw it was a product that I’ve liked and used before.

    XShot.. saving people from looking like they did a self portrait.

    Hope BlogHer was a raging success for you.

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