I dated a guy in college who was obsessed with movie quotes.
He’d send me random text messages with lines from Jim Carrey movies and wait for me to guess the name of the movie. He’d giggle if I got them right and strut if I got them wrong, impressed with his superior knowledge of movies based on butt humor.
In my defense, he had beautiful eyes and a really great ass.
And, well, I kind of have a weird little obsession with movie quotes myself.
I do this thing. This really dorky thing that I don’t even realize I’m doing half the time until someone new gives me that “what. the fuck. are you talking about?” look. Everyone in my family does it – from my mother and my brothers to my husband and my children – although I think it’s possible they believe their quoting the Bible or something. Whatever. We’re all a bunch of winners.
I randomly drop movie lines into my every day conversation.
For example…
Jared and I are arguing about something which I clearly know more about. Like, say, life. Despite my obvious superior knowledge on the subject, he pushes and pushes and tries to thwart me with half ass facts he’s picked up from AM talk radio.
“But, Britt…” he’ll stammer.
“Listen, Jared! Do you know the dolphin? Does he call you at home? DO YOU HAVE A DORSAL FIN? I think not. Shut up.”
And that’s how we end serious discussions in this house. Because we are both winners and Jared knows when he has been trumped.
But it’s not all Jim Carrey, all the time here. Oh, no. Our lameness is deep and wide and varied.
Can you spot the movie from the totally irrelevant and yet absolutely relevant movie quote?
“Why are you making a big deal out this, Britt?”
“Because! It doesn’t matter that I did take care of it for you – what if I hadn’t? Then what? What if I ‘forgot’ to handle stuff like you ‘forget’ to handle stuff? What if no one remember to take the garbage out/make doctor’s appointments/pick up the kids/pay that bill? I could have forgotten – and then what?”
“THEY WERE CONES!”
——-
I’m sitting on the couch enjoying too much TV far too close to my bed time. Jared’s puttering around in the kitchen trying to piece together some massively unhealthy dessert from left over halloween candy and sugar packets. Suddenly, the sound of breaking glass drowns out Tyra’s voice.
“Richard? What’d you doooo, Richard?”
And he doesn’t even ask me who Richard is.
—–
It’s 7:30 on a Saturday morning. I’ve been up for an hour because hunger pangs start at 6:30 in this house and no one can ever remember how to poor themselves a bowl of cereal if it’s a weekend. I’ve just finished negotiating my third “why are you touching me?!? Make him stop touching me! THE CAT IS NOT BIGGER THAN ME!” argument of the day.
I disappear into my bathroom in a misguided attempt to pee.
A knock on the bathroom door is immediately followed by “Mom! Emma dumped all of my Legos all over the floor!”
I hang my head in defeat. “You’re killing me, Smalls! You’re killing me!”
————-
I’m poking through my closet trying to find something to wear on a rare night out. Five minutes later I’m huffing and puffing and staring at the mound of discarded options that’s accumulated on my bed.
“Jared, I have nothing to wear! I’m not going.”
“Why don’t you wear that dress you wore on our anniversary last year?”
“It doesn’t.. uh.. look right anymore.”
“Why?”
“My parents died when I was ten, do you want to talk about that?”
——
It’s 10:30 at night and Jared’s watching TV on the couch with his eyes closed. I nudge him as I flip the TV off with the remote. “Baby, it’s time for bed.”
“Hmmm… yeah… mmm… just a minute.”
“Take me to bed or lose me forever.”
“Show me the way home, honey.”
“Get the light. Don’t forget to set the alarm.”
——————-
I’m working from home. A text message from my mom alerts me to a mini crisis back in Iowa. I send out an update on twitter that my day has just gone from meh to shit. Seconds later, my office line rings.
“Hey, is everything OK?” my boss asks.
“What? Oh, twitter. Yeah, I’m fine. Just blah blah blah yada yada yada insert detailed description of text message and resulting emotional distress blah blah yada.”
“Do you need me to watch the phones for you?”
“Oh, God. No. I promise that my personal drama will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Heh. I’m good.”
—————————-
My mother calls. I can tell she’s upset and trying not to cry. She sounds overwhelmed. The strain of school and work and family and not enough sleep is wearing on her.
“I just feel like – what the fuck am I doing, Britt? Maybe I’m doing this all for nothing.”
“No, baby. Not for nothing.”
I can hear her smile over the line.
——————————
What movies am I quoting?
Do you quote movies? If so – what lines?
“Fat guy in a little coat.”
“I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.”
“Keep firing, Assholes!”
“Get off my plane!”
@avitable, My husband and I quote Shooter McGavin at each other a lot too.
Or ARE YOU TOO GOOD FOR YOUR HOME?!?!
@Maria, GO IN YOUR HOME, BALL!!
Yep.
@avitable, you eat pieces of shit?
I say “you’re killin me smalls” all the time, to both kids. <3
I usually quote Wayne’s World the most often. Sadly.
@Maria, hmmm… I think the only thing I’ve said from Wayne’s World in a long time is “it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine.”
And that’s like Wayne’s World 101.
“Oh, God. No. I promise that my personal drama will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.”
*snort* I love it !!
I quote movies all the time, and some sitcoms.
Often while wearing pink.
Pink is mah signature color !
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
@KIm, mah COLORS are blush… and bashful.
Let’s see…
Steel Magnolias
Top Gun
and a bunch of others I can’t think of right now
Awesome. Just awesome.
@Shash, well you got the super girly one anyway.
I tend to quote the Princess Bride most often. I just love that movie so much. I can recite it from one end to the next. There’s plenty others I quote, I know, but I can’t figure out any atm. Too tired.
@marielle, you know, I like that movie – but I always feel stupid because I NEVER recognize the lines when it’s quoted at me.
Top Gun and Steel Magnolias, otherwise I got nuthin’. I’m not worthy.
We quote Office Space, Talladega Nights, Princess Bride, Napoleon Dynamite, and Super Troopers at work all the time. We tell all new people that those movies are required viewing for all noobs in the office.
Hubs and his brother talk in movies all the time and they crack themselves up endlessly. Mostly it’s Full Metal Jacket and Sling Blade. mmm….biscuits and mustard reckon…
@floating princess, my brothers communicate in Sling Blade. Weirdos.
I spotted The Wedding Singer (my parents died when I was 10…) and Top Gun (take me to bed…) in there. A bunch of others were familiar too, but I’ll let someone else get them.
I am an obsessive film quoter. Most everyone in my life knows that and happily ignores it. My father and I used to quote “The Princess Bride” to each other over lunch and dinner.
Lately, “The Departed” has found it’s way into my everyday vernacular. Maybe because I have seen it something like 20 times now.
But an oldie (and a goodie) is whenever someones says the word “mostly”, I have to repeat it in a little girl’s voice like Newt from “Aliens”. I have to do it. There is no stopping myself. I could meet the President and he could say it in the middle of the conversation and I would do my Newt imitation. And he would look at me like I was insane. Or he would get it.
It’s really an involuntary reaction at this point in my life.
PS – Earlier today, we were talking about the film “Joe Versus the Volcano” and I mentioned that “I have no response to that” is used about 3 times a week in my life. And no one ever knows what I am talking about. Sigh.
@B.E. Earl, dammit, ya beat me to The Wedding Singer quote!
I’ve used that one before, and got the “what?” look because my boyfriend knows full well that both of my parents are still breathing.
I wouldn’t say I use movie quotes all the time, but I do occasionally, most of the time without realizing it.
@B.E. Earl, I am so drawing a black on that Aliens bit.
@Miss Britt, It’s right after Ripley saves the space Marines by driving that vehicle into the hive and then driving them out of there. They call in the airship and it crashes because one of the aliens got on board. After a bit of panic, Newt says that they had better get inside because “They mostly come out at night…mostly”.
I feel so so old reading that you went to college during a time that you could send and receive text messages. lol
That said I quote movies like billy madison and elf way more than anyone ever should.
@ocb, actually, now that I think of it, I think they were pager messages.
Because I was that freaking cool.
You are my kind of woman!
I grew up with my mom quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail to me.
Not to mention The Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Grease, Home Alone 2, Clerks, Office Space, The Princess Bride, and very random other movies are often quoted at random times during the day in my house. Oh, and just about every Disney movie and musical are quoted as well.
@Ashleigh, i LOVE the Breakfast Club! And I can’t think of a single line I repeat from it!
Yep, I caught the quotes, Steel Magnolias, The Sandlot, Top Gun, Tommy Boy off the top of my head. I use you’re killin me smalls to my kids all. the. time. right along with “For Ev Er.”
My whole family ends conversations with movie quotes. Napoleon Dynamite was big in our house for a while. Now it’s Borat, Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood and Monsters v. Aliens (because the big purple head says LAME better than anyone else).
@usedtobeme, I’m trying to imagine my husband quoting the Ya Ya Sisterhood… LOL
And our own “what the fuck” moment. “I don’t know what to do with my hands!” “Put them in your pocket!”
@Melanie (Modern Mami), HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA Oh God, I forgot about that!
@Miss Britt & @Melanie (Modern Mami)
I have been trying to remember where the quote above is from!! Please help!! Haha! Thanks
I think you just have crap taste in movies.
Now, if you told Jared, “Engage” every time you were ready for him to press the gas pedal, or tried to tell Emma “These are not the droids you’re looking for” when she does the poking thing at oh dark thirty, I could get on board.
@SciFi Dad, *GASP* Every movie used here is a timeless CLASSIC!
Wedding Singer, Tommy Boy, Sandlot, Top Gun, Steel Magnolias…and I’m thinking maybe Dirty Dancing?
I’m a movie freak. I’m the one everyone calls when they can’t figure out “who that actor is in that movie”. I can also figure out the title of a movie by seeing a scene…sometimes even if I haven’t seen the movie but just a trailer.
My favorite quote is from Robin Williams in 9 months: “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother!”
@Mrs. Schmitty, We could totally be best friends. I’m the same, esp about not actually seeing the movie, but knowing the title and the actors in it… Yeah, it’s possible we’re movie savants.
@Mrs. Schmitty, yep, Steel Magnolias. I love watching movies, but I am so horrible about knowing who actors and writers and directors and stuff are.
i have a bad habit of quoting movies that no one knows. and commercials, too.
@hello haha narf, commercials?
Like – Shake N’Bake?
“You’re killing me Smalls” may or may not be said around here. Lots.
Also, The Princess Bride, Sopranos (F*ck you Pauly), Labyrinth, and omg do we sing a lot around here.
@Karen Sugarpants, you break out into song?
OMG I am coming to your house.
THOSE AREN’T PILLOWS!!!!
@Karen Sugarpants, *snort* Adam actually had to explain this to me.
All the time. … and yes, commercials too. And considering my current (he may not last, I was unaware of his movie naivety when we took vows!) husband owned like 6 DVDs total before I showed up, I sound more and more insane by the day… add to that, he’s Texan and I’m a Yankee, so we were raised on different commercials… OMG, he thinks he’s married an escaped mental patient!
@Aria’z Ink, well at least you know what you have to do with him now.
People like you are not annoying – you’re the ones I like to hang out with!
@Sarah, mmmhhh – I’m so flashbacking to the blank stares at the photo shoot. hehehehe
I can’t play along because you’ve already explained the ones to me that I did not know! I say “you’re killing me, smalls” quite a bit and *my* Steel Magnolias quote that I say is “I love you more than my luggage”.
Shawn and I used to use movie quotes pretty much all of the time. When I first met him, he and his friends did it and it took me awhile to get used to it, not have it bug the shit out of me, then do it myself.
@Hilly, my mother and I have reassured one another with the comparison to luggage on more than one occasion.
My family and I so do the movie quotes all the time. We have a running scorecard of who stumps who!
@Casey, OMG that’s what the boyfriend and I used to do with the scorecard!
Are you married to my exboyfriend?
I work with a lady who has the “Once again, something that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY” sound bite as her email notification. She gets a lot of email so it’s a damn good thing I love the Wedding Singer.
The limo driver in WS is one of my all-time favorite movie side kicks. THEY WERE CONES! is classic.
@Tuli, we do that one, too. LOL
I had a boss once who tried to explain to me why he couldn’t get me the information sooner when I said that to him.
I use “you’re killin me, Smalls” all the time to my 2.5 year old daughter. She started saying it back to me.
@Jen, South Florida, neither one of my kids have picked it up yet. My 9 year old still rolls his eyes at me.
I caught the Wedding Singer and Top Gun in there.
A friend and I like quoting the Brad Pitt scene from True Romance when he’s high and trying give directions:
“You go…and then you…turn…and then you go go go…and then…you stop.” (or something like that)
We find ourselves hilarious.
@Princess of the Universe, hey – that is hilarious.
we = twins
I constantly annoy the hell out of everyone I know because I quote every movie I have ever seen. I cannot tell you what I ate for lunch yesterday, but I CAN quote an entire movie to you that I have seen only once.
@ali, I’m the same way with song lyrics.
My Steel Magnolias quotes: “Clarie, Are You High?” and “Looks good, looks real real good.”
Another favorite: “Ain’t nobody gonna call the fuzz in this neighborhood!” The fact that you were sending text messages in college probably means that you’re too young to know that one: The Outsiders.
I haven’t watched more than maybe 5 movies since about 1990, so that’s all I got.
@DemMom, I have read AND seen the Outsiders. Although I usually stick with the simple “you’re golden, Ponyboy.”
@Miss Britt, good grief, my 14 year old is obsessed with the Outsiders.. I hear that quote all the time.
I constantly quote my favorite movie line: “Fuck you, you fucking fuck.” Only people do not get the sarcasm or reference when I say it. Perhaps I need a new quote…
@Hockeyman, hehehehe – not a lot of people get “they fuck you, they fuck you, they fuck you” either.
These memorable quotes are just another way that the studios are invading our personal space by inserting random wording, which equates to free advertising, into our daily interactions. Conversations are the glue of the world. It keeps us together. It’s all a plot by The Man to make money off conversations!
Damn The Man!
Save the Empire!
So no… I NEVER quote movies.
@NYCWD, I’LL NEVER KNEEL TO YOU!
@NYCWD, I just watched Empire Records two nights ago. Nice!
My husband quotes movies all the time, but I never grew up watching them. So it’s usually lost on me.
Don’t get me wrong though, I’m still ‘crazy like a fox’.
@Amo, mm… I don’t know that one.
Around this house? There is only one movie quote that ends every discussion.
Ahem.
“KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN!”
You’re welcome.
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, is that also what you use for foreplay?
@Miss Britt, No. Foreplay involves, “Beam me up, Scotty!”
@Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, You rang?
Sandlot, Top Gun, Steel Magnolias and Dirty Dancing – teh awesome!
I do this ALL the time – it drives my husband crazy (and sometimes makes him think I am a little crazy too.) That’s probably because I frequently crack myself up too. But hey life’s short – laugh much!
@Jo, luckily, my husband totally gets it. Usually.
In high school, my friends and I knew all the lines to “Spaceballs” and “The Blues Brothers” by heart. There was something about being able to walk down the hallway and call out “You found anything yet?”…..and hearing “We ain’t found sh*t!” being called out back to you as you were making your way to advanced calculus.
Now HHH & I tend to quote the newer movies, like Twister, Pirates of the Carribean, and such…. but the oldies will always be the goodies.
Funny, she doesn’t look Druish.
@Blondefabulous, hhahahahaha. Druish. heh.
I am NOT saying you remind me of this person, I’m just saying that the idea of you quoting movie quotes made me remember the existence of this chick in college who used to show up at my boyfriend’s door and write really long quotes, from memory, on his white board. She had a boyfriend, and obviously MY BOYFRIEND HAD A GIRLFRIEND — ME. They hooked up while I was away on a trip. Fucker.
@Poppy, remind me never to tell you the story of the time i wrote out an entire song on a blackboard in high school.
Yeah – we totally quote movies around here, and also just in general with friends (Barfly and Spinal Tap being two big ones), but we also quote South Park, The Simpson’s and Family Guy a lot, too.
Nice to know we aren’t the only dorks around!
Haha
@Sybil Law, dorks aplenty down here!
It’s Princess Bride, Murder by Death (which no one has seen), Pride and Prejudice, Star Wars, Terminator etc etc. My auntie is a police prosecutor and loves quoting movies when she’s in court!
@Tonz, you quote Pride and Prejudice?!? Oh this I’d like to see.
I have no clue what movies you are quoting. I usually quote Say Anything, Better Off Dead, episodes of Phinneas and Ferb, and my favorite line from Pride and Prejudice: How nicely we are all crammed in. I’m so glad I brought my extra bonnet case.
Hey I was an English major. Do you know HOW MANY times I had to read that in college???????
I’ve read your blogs silently for a while. I’ve commented once, maybe twice…
I have to say this is one of the funniest ones I’ve read, and I’ve read some pretty damn funny ones of yours. Maybe because I can relate. lol I love that you guys do this. I do this but for the most part my husband is oblivious. He doesn’t even bat an eyelash.
“Show me the way home, honey”…best one, by far.
I can’t do this without you. I’m afraid he might pull the stiff one-eye on me.
Ahhhh yes, Bossy used to have a mind, she used to retain information.
The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
Where’s the fetus going to gestate? In a box?
Certain death awaits you… with big, sharp pointy teeth.
So, um, yeah. All the damn time!
We talk movie here too…
Married to the Mob
Raising Arizona
Goodfellas
Barton Fink
Blues Brothers
Steel Magnolias
Moonstruck
and now the girls are doing it too…
Ooops and I forgot Parenthood
As far as I’m concerned, your grandmother is brilliant. Yeah if she’s so brilliant why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR’S CAR?
@maman, You need a license to go fishing, but any asshole can be a father.
Hiii Gary!
)
@Finn, Clearly you are curious about sex…. or film making…
The one I use a lot lately is Vinny Jones character: “It’s been emotional.”
And the “I love the smell of napalm in the morning, it smells of victory,” although the napalm is changed to coffee, pancakes and other aromas.
Oh my word. You’re going to BlogHer, yes? Because I, too, am on of those annoying people who incessantly quotes movies. Why is there not a Room of Our Own for that?
Ace Ventura is in heavy rotation, as is Zoolander, Simpsons (NERD ALERT!), Reality Bites, Spaceballs…the list goes ON AND ON, sadly.
I recognized almost all of those movies. We are total movie quoters in my house too. Our favorites include Christmas/Vegas Vacation, Old School, Dodgeball, and many many others. My husband has all of his favorite movies memorized so he can pull quotes at any time.
We call it “Stump the Chump.” One my favorites: No one likes her very much. I just sent my brother 5 postcards with random movie quotes on the back. One was the entire smores quote from Sandlot.
Sandlot AND Steel Magnolias?!! You are so awesome.
“F**k me gently with a chainsaw,” is one of my faves.
My entire family are movie quoters as well. And sitcoms.
The things we quote most often are : Steel Magnolias, Dirty Dancing, Grease, Legally Blonde, My Cousin Vinny, Wayne’s World and The Sandlot.
And once someone says a quote, it turns into a movie montage thingy where we must complete the scene that that quote is from.
This confuses outsiders on a regular basis.
@Sheila (Charm School Reject), And The Breakfast Club and Twin Peaks. I thought it in my mind but my fingers never got around to typing it.
Why are you such a MEGA-bitch?
Heathers, Super Troopers, Princess Bride, and oddly enough, random Boston Legal (think on it, pray on it, get back to me in the morning). Usually when I quote, I have no idea where it came from, pathetic, I know. Equilly pathetic, judging from the comments is the fact that not only have I never seen Sandlot is the fact that I’ve never heard of the Sandlot (must have been snowed in at some ski mountain with no tv that year).
ha I only got a couple of those- Steel Magnolias was one?
We quote Dumb & Dumber way to freaking much, and also Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. basically any incredibly stupid comedy, and we’re all over it.
Hahahaha! Our ENTIRE FAMILY does this! This is how we COMMUNICATE! It is absolutely HILARIOUS when we all get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. There are certain ‘words’ that set us off EVERY time:
Cones:”They were Cooooones!”-Wedding Singer
Do or Don’t: “Doooo? Doooon’t???”-The Muse
Interstate: “You don’t see nothin’ on the Interstate but Interstate.” – Planes Traines and Automobiles
Home:”I haven’t been home in yeeears”- PT&A
Train,People,Hog,Cattle,or Wichita:”People train don’t run outta Wichita, lessen you’re a hog or cattle. People train run outta Sttttttttubville.” – PT&A.
Mashed Potatoes: (3 people) 1:”The mashed potatoes are so creamy”…2: “I like blonds, chubby ones”… 3:”You like brunetts!” – While You Were Sleeping
Family: “She IS Family! (Complete with arm motion, of course.) – WYWS
Loser – “Man, you are one pathetic loser!” Dumb and Dumber
Fell – “I fell off the jetway again. – D&D
Radio. “RADIO?? Who needs a RADIO???” – D&D
You guys get my drift… My family is truly the most FUN family I have ever been around, and I’m not just saying that because they’re mine!