A Shmairy Tale

Monday, June 22nd, 2009
Shmritt and Shmadam

Shmritt and Shmadam

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a girl named Shmritt.

Shmritt was best friends with a boy named Shmadam, and they did everything together.  Shmritt and Shmadam had other friends – lots of friends, really – but they always knew that they were each other’s best friends.  And that was important, because Shmritt and Shmadam were 12, apparently.

Then one day, Shmadam made a new friend.

Shmadam liked this new friend a whole lot.

In fact, sometimes, it seemed like Shmadam liked this new friend even more than he liked Shmritt.  At first this made Shmritt very angry.  She yelled at Shmadam for being a bad friend and tried to give back his super special friend decoder ring.  Shmadam said he was sorry and promised to be nicer to Shmritt – and she let him keep his super special friend decoder ring.

But then Shmritt got sad.

The only thing worse than an angry Shmritt is a sad Shmritt.

Shmritt cried and cried.  Then Schrmitt cried some more.  Then Shmritt’s husband, Mister Shmritt, came home and asked Shmritt why she was so sad.

“Shmadam doesn’t love me anymore,” Shmritt sobbed.

Mister Shmritt put his arm around Shmritt and told her everything would be OK.  He patted her on the back and rocked her back and forth while she cried.  And then Mister Shmritt did something really amazing.

“Of course Shmadam still loves you,” Mister Shmritt said.  “No matter what, you will always be special – because you are special.  And Shmadam knows it.”

And Shmritt was amazed at Mister Shmritt’s powers.

Shmritt tried to explain to Mister Shmritt that he was special, because he wasn’t jealous or angry or afraid of her friendship with Shmadam.  But Mister Shmritt would hear none of it.  He just shook his head and smiled and promised Shmritt that everything would be OK.

Shmritt and Shmadam tried very hard to be friends again, just like they used to be.  They talked and talked and talked, because Shmritt and Shmadam loved to talk more than anything else in the whole world.  Shrmitt thought that maybe everything really would be better from now on.

Then one day, Shmritt and Shmadam took their friend, Shmilly, to the Magical Park for a fun day of waterfalls and rollercoasters.  Shmritt and Shmadam and Shmilly had lots of fun together.  They laughed and screamed and were all very glad to be friends.  Shmritt was glad that she and Shmadam were friends again, and she was also glad that she had Shmilly as a friend.  Everything was perfect.

But then, the very next day, Shmritt’s magical beans that she took every day to make her awesome decided to not make her awesome.  Or something.  Or maybe Shmritt was tired.  Or something.  Or maybe Shmritt felt like things were still just not quite right with Shmadam.  Or something.

Whatever the reason, Shmritt decided that once again she was sad.

Shmritt was very upset and didn’t know who to talk to about it.  She was tired of talking to Shmadam about Shmadam.

Shmritt and Shmilly

Shmritt and Shmilly

She talked to Shmilly.

Shmilly listened while Shmritt talked.  Shmilly listened while Shmritt cried.  Shmilly sat and sat and listened and listened while Shmritt talked and talked and cried and cried.  And then Shmilly did something really amazing.

“It’s OK to feel what you’re feeling,” Shmilly said.  “And you’re not crazy or pathetic.  And I’m not judging you.”

And Shmritt was amazed at Shmilly’s powers.

Shmritt tried to thank Shmilly for being such a good friend.  She told her how much it meant to have someone be there to talk through things with her, without trying to fix anything or make her feel bad about being such a cry baby – even though she was, in fact, being a cry baby.  But Shmilly would hear none of it.  She just shook her head and smiled and promised that everything would be OK.

Later that night, Shmadam showed up at Shmritt’s door to show her that they were still friends.  Very best friends, in fact.  Mister Shmritt smiled and was glad to see his wife happy again.  Shmilly called to say that she needed a friend, and Shmritt and Shmadam took timeout from their personal drama to go and return the friendship that she had so lovingly given earlier.

Everyone laughed and hugged and promised to always be friends forever.

Or at least until they grew up and went to high school.

The End.

  1. avitable says:

    This Shmadam person sounds like he loves Shmritt very much – about as much as a best friend can love another best friend without some shmpenis in shmvagina action.

  2. Kim says:

    Aww I love it !! I teared up !! What the hell are magical beans? Do I need some? Everyone keeps saying that I should “take something” but I’m not. I never have. Tell me about these magic beans? I want. Do they help?

  3. Chrissi says:

    I just love the sweetness of your friendship with Shmadam!

    We all need friendships such as this..

  4. Sarah says:

    Every time I read Shmilly, I read smelly.

    This makes me giggle. Because I am also 12.

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Sarah, which is ironic, because Shmilly is the best smelling person that Shmritt has ever met.

      No. Really. Sniff Shmilly if you ever get the chance.

  5. Dave2 says:

    Whew! That sounds like a load of Shmritt to me!

  6. Dee says:

    This is a lovely fairy tale :)

    I must admit I’d wondered if this might be happening: I am so very glad that all of you have brought it into the open so that it can be sorted, cause the Shmritt/Shmadam dynamic is important to my continued existance on the fringes of your life *grin* Although I can’t figure out if the new friend is Shmilly or Shmaiqa…

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Dee, hahahahhaha – neither Shmilly nor Shmaiqa.

      Shmritt loves both Shmilly and Shmaiqa way, way too much to ever be jealous of either of them.

      Plus – everyone knows that Shmilly and Shmaiqa love Shmritt the best.

  7. B.E. Earl says:

    These people sound familiar. Could you be a bit more specific?

  8. Hilly says:

    TNT, we know schrama.

    (I am glad that Shmilly could be there for Schmritt. I also love the name Schmilly).

    • Miss Britt says:

      @Hilly, I can’t imagine anyone else in the whole world being more exactly what Shmritt needed right at that moment.

      Shmilly has a gift, yo.

  9. Britt's mom says:

    This is the freaking most brilliant thing Shmom has ever read in her entire freaking shlife.

    Wow. Seriously.

  10. You guys are the sweetest friends every, seriously – this was by far one of the best posts I’ve read from you Britt.

    I would do anything to have a friendship like you and Adam have, or that you and Hilly and Adam have – ANYTHING. That is amazing, and you guys are so lucky to have one another.

    Adam, you are a pretty nice guy, and your comment made me smile! That’s for sure, you’re a sweetheart! And Hilly, I think you made a very wise choice to move to Florida and be close to these too.

  11. Shmilly sounds like a really shmecial friend.

  12. Maria says:

    I’m one of those people that sounds out new words in their head when they read, and I gave myself a headache trying to pronounce all the words in this Shmairy Tale.

    But the story made me happy. :)

  13. Finn says:

    Shmritt is one lucky girl.

  14. DeannaBanana says:

    Fritt, Fradam and Frilly would probably have been easier to wrap my head around. Just sayin’…because although I did not read that aloud, my jaw hurts from all of the ‘shm’ sounds. Although Frairy tale just doesn’t have the same ring as Shmairy tale…

    I’m glad you are feeling better about it all, lord knows frama can be frexhausting!

  15. perpstu says:

    As a fellow 12 year old, I understand. I think the Shmritt/Shmadam friendship is just awesome!

  16. Awesome post. Glad to know we aren’t alone in our friendship insecurities – I do the same thing and so do my friends. Then we laugh at ourselves later.

  17. i love story time!! although i am a tad sleepy now. someone hold me while i take a nap.

    love yinz. and i am so thankful you all have each other.

  18. ali says:

    Shmali wants best friends like you have :)

    • Miss Britt says:

      @ali, something tells me there is no way that Shmali does not have friends as awesome as Shmali is.

      Wow. Now MY head is starting to hurt.

  19. SciFi Dad says:

    What the hell kind of place is Florida? Who the fuck names their kids Schmritt and Schmadam? Why not Schmitt? Was that to avoid making the girl look like Jack Nicholson? Will I do anything in this comment except ask questions?

  20. Turnbaby says:

    And they all lived schmappily ever after.

    My first thought was YAY! Then I read Dave’s comment and snorted

  21. MariaV says:

    Your friendship with Shmadam warms my heart.

  22. SH says:

    Are you on drugs?

  23. brittany says:

    I think the best thing about Shmairy Tales is that they always work out in the end:)

  24. Poppy says:

    I knew you both would live happily ever after, for Schmhilly would take over Shmadam’s top spot. ;)

  25. Sybil Law says:

    Haha!
    I love it. I love happy endings!!

  26. Robin says:

    You guys are too damn cute. Too cute!

  27. Darla says:

    That was funny. In a sad kinda way but really really funny.

  28. I have the same insecurities.

    Feelings like that tend to get old but what can you do? Oh yes! Cry to that friend and make yourself look like a jackass and then they reassure you and make you feel all warm inside.

  29. What the schmuck? This is like finding out Popeye sometimes ate green beans for strength.

  30. Faiqa says:

    You’re leaving the part out about when Shmaiqa gives Shmilly and Shmadam (??) poisonous magical beans so she Shmritt will have to be best friends with HER. Oh, shit. I… I mean, Shmaiqa, forgot that was a secret/i> plan. :D

  31. Momma says:

    I agree….That was your best post bar NONE!! I loved it, but then my fav movies are Narnia and such.

  32. Becca says:

    I am so glad you have such good friends! It sounds like things are really turning around. :)

  33. NYCWD says:

    It’s wonderful stories like these that reminds me of the one corporate monger message I can truly appreciate.

    I don’t ever wanna grow up.

    I’m a Toys’R'Us kid.

  34. Anissa says:

    THAT is friendship at it’s finest

    XOXO you both!

  35. whall says:

    And then Shmritt went home and sobbed to Mister Shmritt that Shmayne didn’t love her any more, because it had been AGES since he left a loving and creative comment on her blog. Probably at least 12 hours. And then Mister Shmritt said he was amazed at Shmayne’s powers, and gosh dangit, we probably should pay some sort of homage to him. And then Shmayne said, in their minds at the time since he was listening in, that everything would be OK.

    As long as the homage included bacon.

  36. martymankins says:

    I wish I had a boss like that. Mine lives in Rhode Island and hardly ever visits and never let’s us leave the offi… um, wait a minute.

    Now all I need is a Universal Studios here in Utah.

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