The other day on twitter I informed the Internets that I was finally working through all of the pictures from my Dad’s visit to Florida a couple weeks ago.
Because that is the kind of interesting information I like to share with the world with modern technology.
And while you are mocking me for my mastery of the mundane, Robin actually asked if I would please oh please be sharing these pictures in the near future. No, really. She did. Go ahead and click on that link and you will see that she was pretty much begging for this post.
Now that I have sufficiently apologized in advance for the laziness of using pictures of people you don’t know as a post – and possibly made you feel like there is something wrong with you if you accidentally find this mildly entertaining – let me commence with the photo sharing.
This is me and my Dad at the Cassadaga spiritualist camp. It’s a town filled with gypsies and mystics and really creepy people. We? Are totally sober in this picture. Hand to God. That’s just how we look. And clearly, I got my daddy’s nostrils. Also? We are about five minutes away from meeting a man who calls himself Father Christopher and wanted to read my palm very badly except I wouldn’t let him because he creeped me out. Mainly I thought he could be a pedophile.
Run on sentences are how you know that I am really good at blogging.
This is my daughter and her aunt. She happens to be my little sister and also has a name that is Lindsey but the only thing Emma called her the entire week was “my aunt”.
Where is my aunt? I want to sit by my aunt. I know it’s only 5:30 but I think my aunt would like to be woken up now by loud noises and repeated jumping. No, I do not know her name, why do you people keep asking me this stuff? I want her that is my aunt.
This is me and my aunt.
This is me trying to take a picture of myself using my XShot. And everyone was pointing and laughing and mocking me for trying to take pictures of myself and Jared was all “that thing looks like a golf club with a camera taped to the end of it” and I was all “shut up and quit being jealous of me because I find cool stuff on the Internet. You want to be me.”
And you know he does, too.
This is me trying to get photographic evidence that I am actually present with the children at all of this cool stuff they do. Specifically, we are on a Safari Cruise in Clearwater and Jared is in the background saying “are you sure you don’t just want me to take a picture of you guys?” and I am saying “Oh! Sure! NOW you want to take pictures of us when for years you have allowed me to carry the burden of the camera alone! And NOW YOU WANT IN!”
And then he said something about “I don’t think you’re even getting Devin in the picture” and I said something like “I CANNOT HANDLE ALL OF THIS JUDGMENT FROM YOU!”
Who’s laughing now, bitches? Do you have a picture of yourself on the beach of a remote island that you took all by yourself? I. don’t. think so.
(Also – do you have a problem with tanlines like I do? Because, wow. Tacky.)
This is a blue crab’s penis. No, really. The safari guide was saying something about “you can tell it’s a boy if the flap is shaped like the Washington Monument” and I said – in front of my children and boat full of people – “are you comparing a penis to the Washington Monument? I have to get a picture of that for my blog.”
And now Jared thinks we should start referring to all penises as The Monument. So thanks, lady.
This is Emma and her Lil’ Papa. I have nothing to say about this except Awwwwwwww.
This is a horribly unedited photo of Emma and my stepmom, Tina. One of the best things about having family visit is that someone else has to wear the mouse ears for a while. And also they bought a lot of food. And paid for us to do a bunch of cool tourist stuff. And let the kids wake them up early instead of me and I SLEPT UNTIL 9:30 IN THE MORNING ONE DAY!
But mostly, it’s about the ears.
This is me trying to prove to the Internets that I love Devin just as much as Emma. Because really, I do. There are just only so many pictures you can take of a kid playing with video games and looking at you like you are the most embarrassing thing ever. (And about that – isn’t 9 a little soon for your kid to start being embarrassed of you?)
And this is all of us on the pier in Clearwater on the day that I let Devin skip school and me and Jared skipped work and we just said “screw you world, we have family in town!” And life was pretty much awesome.
P.S. I am not wearing a bra. That? Is pretty much the most awesome shirt ever, right?