Family is everything to me.
Everything.
It is the beginning and the end of who I am, where I come from, and where I want to end up in life.
So having my husband be on a completely different page than me when it comes to what family means is hard. Beyond hard. It’s fucking heartbreaking.
Jared and I come from different families. I mean, obviously, or that’d be incest and that would be wrong and skeevy and gross. But, more specifically, we come from different types of families.
Different.
Not better. Not worse. Just different.
And I mean that when I say it. I don’t always understand the way they do things (just as I’m sure they’ve scratched their head at my clusterfuck family a time or two) – but that’s not a judgement of bad or less than. It just is. Different, I mean.
And that’s fine – except that one of the core values that we differ on is… well, a core value.
My definition of family is pretty inclusive. On my mother’s side you have an only child who made up for the lack of aunts and uncles by welcoming every stray that wandered into Thanksgiving dinner. She built a family unit from scraps and cemented it with a fierce loyalty and tendency to overshare. On my father’s side you have a Catholic sprawl that’s as binding as the mob. It doesn’t matter if you’re born in or marry in – once you’re in, you’re in. And you’re all the way in, whether you like it or not.
I don’t want to define family for Jared or for his family, because its too personal and there’s no way for me to be objective. It’s not fair for me to speak for him or for them.
The only thing I can say is – it’s his family.
It’s his and not ours. It’s them and not us. It’s his side and my side and only through children shall the two intertwine.
It’s not that there’s no love there. They love me. I know that. And I love them. I hope they know that. I know that they would use the word family to describe me just as quickly as I would use that word to describe them. But when we use that word, I get the sense that it means something a little bit different to each of us. There’s a line, or something, that stops just short of that full embrace that I’m used to.
When Jared and I were first married, I struggled with that. I struggled hard. I wanted the big sloppy kisses and full frontal hugs and the total immersion of what family meant to me. I took anything short of that as a personal rejection. I cried and I bitched and I agonized for years over why things weren’t the way I imagined they should be.
Eventually, I learned to let go of how I thought things should be.
I learned to see the value in the way things were and appreciated the love in whatever form it came in.
I accepted that different was not better or worse.
At least, I thought I had.
But something happened yesterday that ripped open those old wounds for me, and brought them squarely to rest in the middle of my own home. In the middle of my marriage. In the middle of my family.
I’m not going to go into details because some things are personal. Some stories are not mine to tell. Some things are not open to discussion and observation by Internet strangers (no offense). What I will say is that, in a nutshell, I didn’t agree with the way a family matter was handled. Had it happened in my family, it would have been handled differently. And, in this case, I’m absolutely convinced that different would have been better. But, I took a deep breath and I stepped back and I resolved not to get involved any more than I had to.
It’s none of my business, I told myself. Even though the mere thought that family lines made it none of my business made me want to throw up.
It’s not your place, I reminded myself.
And it’s not. Those relationships between my husband and people he’s known his entire life are not mine to meddle in. I’d throw a five alarm fit if he tried to interject himself into any of my relationships. And, in this case, his thoughts and feelings and relationships trump any thoughts or feelings or relationships that I might have.
Fine.
I get that.
But I was still upset. I was upset in my little corner because regardless of someone else’s definition, my definition dictates that that was my family having an issue, too. Whether they like it or not, whether they realize it or not, those are my people, too, damn it. And the fact that I wasn’t going to “get involved” didn’t negate that I had an opinion.
And I shared that opinion with my husband.
I told him I was upset. I told him why I was upset. I told him why what was happening violated everything I knew and held dear about what family was supposed to be. I asked him how he felt about it. I asked if he was upset. I asked because I was concerned and I asked because I wanted to know if he had the same values and beliefs about family as I did.
And he shut down.
And shut me out.
It was like a heavy wooden door swung shut in my face, closing me off from the family business. Except it wasn’t just some random family in that secluded room any more. It wasn’t even a distant, extended family. It was my husband.
It was my family shutting the door on me.
It was, this time, my family – in the most intimate sense of the word – telling me I wasn’t wanted or included.
It was my husband drawing the line in the sand that said “this far, but no further”.
I felt something crack inside of me. The great divide that I’d imagined for years resting just outside my front door was suddenly right in the middle of my living room. This was no long about not feeling like one of them, this was about us. My us. Our us.
I hung up the phone and cried. Jared texted me to explain that I was being a selfish ass, basically. And then he texted me to explain that we shouldn’t even be fighting over this because it wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things.
I don’t think he has any clue what I was fighting for in the first place.
I’m not happy about the way this “family matter” was handled. But I’m sure as hell not going to start a fight over it. Not with them and not with him, because that would be stupid and selfish. And because whether I like it or not, that’s not my place. Not out there.
But here, inside my family, we don’t have those lines. Here, inside these walls, we don’t have yours, mine and ours. Here, inside this family, inside this marriage, we all have a place and a voice and a stake in what goes on. It’s safe in here. It’s inclusive in here. In here is where I know I belong. In here, it is my business.
That’s the only way I know how to survive out there.
Yeah, but your family’s weird.
@avitable, That made me laugh. My family is weird also. We are not that large of family, but Thanksgiving is about 70 people. That includes divorced friends and their new spouses, because no one wants to give up Turkey day privileges.
@avitable, I will bite you
Wow. Awesome post.
I know exactly what you mean about the family thing, except not with Greg shutting me out. He let me in, more so than anyone I think anyone. He took on my family like his own. Loved and worshipped my father…even called him Dad. I think when he found out my dad has incurable cancer last October is when it sent him into his final downward spiral…
I went through a bunch of stuff with his family recently with the hospital, the arrangements, the funeral, etc,etc,etc…and now it’s turned into the headstone, what am I gonna do with his remains that I didn’t bury, and on and on and on…
Now they’re mad at me because I didn’t put his middle name on his headstone. His middle name was his father’s name. He hated it. His father was an alcoholic, abusive ass who died when G was 16. He did things to G and his brother that would put that bastard under the jail these days…but back then, it was shameful, you didn’t break up the family…..all that crap. And it was a big joke to his ex-wife to call him by that name when she was mad and being evil, because she knew he hated him.
So I just went with an initial.
They are damm lucky I didn’t do what he asked my dad in the pool last summer….”Can I change my name to Gregory Mann Trimble?”
So I know how the great divide in the family can be. But as far as that door closing you talked about. Damm. I hope yall can recover.
And again, as I commented on your last post, you inspire me.
thank you.
@Kim, it’s awful what families put each other through when someone dies.
i know what you mean. it is really hard. i’ve only been married for a year and it has been a huge struggle. blending our families is like trying to mix oil and water. they don’t want it, so we’ve stopped pushing. i just feel bad because i cherish my family while by husband doesn’t feel the same about his. and it hurts. i want him to have good relationships with his family, because family does matter. it’s hard to not push your own desires for things on someone else.
@Cri, it is hard not to push your own desires – especially on someone you really, really want the best for.
I’ve been married nine years and it DOES get easier.
@Miss Britt, You know, I thought so too. We have been married for 18 years, 19 in November. His family hated me when we first got together, because they are one of those weirdo families that hate when one of the kids finds someone, and has outside interests. (blech) Most of them came around, his parents adore me, but there are a couple of aunts that still hold a grudge. He just went to an impromptu family gathering last weekend, and over 75% of the family was there. I was unable to attend, because I am still recovering from the hospital stay. He came home, told me about everyone, I asked about different people, and shared in his excitement about everyone and their achievements. Then I asked the question I really didn’t want the answer to…but asked it anyway.
“Did anyone ask where I was?”
His eyes met mine, and said, “I’m sorry babe, I would be lying to you if I said they did. I didn’t want to tell you, but I’m not going to start lying to you at this stage in our lives.”
And did I rant and rave and wish that a thousand camel fleas would infest their collective crotches?
Nope. I just quietly cried the rest of the way to work. Why do we care?
Great post.
I really understand what you mean. My ex and I come from very different families and, now that we’ve split, those differences are more apparent than ever. My ex’s family is much like yours as you’ve described it…very communal, close, open and welcoming. Nearly every holiday meal has a few “strays” that have been adopted. They are some of the most kind and generous people I have ever known and I miss them dearly.
My family is very different. I grew up with strong values of independence, self-reliance, and self-determination. There were lofty goals and high expectations. We were close, but in a different way. We kept our emotions relatively private and the dirty laundry in our own backyard (if it made it outside at all).
Given what I share on my blog, I’m a bit of the extroverted, loud-mouthed black sheep of the family, but even then I think I can understand a little bit of Jared’s family experience and your struggle with it.
It’s not a matter of better or worse…it’s just…different, and sometimes those differences can be really tough. While my family is there to support me, but respects my desire to process things in my way, in my time. My ex’s family is mourning the end of our marriage together, as a family unit. To them, I’m not divorcing my ex – I’m divorcing them.
As far as your situation goes, my only advice is to focus on what’s most important to the two of you. Talk about the values from each family that you admire and want to continue in your own home.
I hope you can use this challenge to grow together. The alternative isn’t pretty. Trust me.
@Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas, “We were close, but in a different way. We kept our emotions relatively private and the dirty laundry in our own backyard (if it made it outside at all).”
That sounds very familiar.
“While my family is there to support me, but respects my desire to process things in my way, in my time.”
I never thought of it that way. That would NEVER happen in my family. We’d be all up in your grill trying to be there! LOL
And we did have a really, really good talk last night. And he read this later too.
There is part of his family and his relationship with them that will never be yours or your family totally his. Sometimes you just have to step back and say “is it worth it”. Or at least, that is my opinion. I tell my husband often, his opinion is not welcome about my sister and sometimes, my opinion is not welcome about his children. What works for us is to just say, every once in awhile ” off limits”. As Lisa used to say “It is what it is”
@Connie, you’re right about that. I know. And I need to shut my mouth about how he “should” be managing those relationships too.
@Connie, it’s so weird you should mention Lisa. I thought of that – it is what it is – and her, about 50 times yesterday when I was struggling with this.
xo
When I read this again, I realized what was really bothering you. You didn’t say anything in the larger family, but you felt betrayed because he shut down when you expressed your opinion. Yeah, that sucks, been there. In fact, I still bring it up 12 years later when he knows I am right. All I can say is– hang in there.
@Connie, yep. That was exactly it.
We were able to talk about it later after I wrote this and he heard me. Thank goodness.
I don’t really have any advice because I haven’t had to deal with any of this important life stuff yet so I’m just going to say I heart you and send you a big internet hug because I can. Yup.
@Sarah, Hilly and I were talking about how awesome your internet “i have no clue, but here i am!” hugs are. You rock.
@Miss Britt, You know, after I replied last night I thought, “I bet it will be better later today” Men are funny and just process differently than women do.
@Connie, And I am in a hurry and just posted a reply to someone else’s post. Sorry.
I know exactly how you feel. I get shut out too, especially when it comes to *his* side of the family. I have to pry and wedge my way in and push for him to say anything most times. You’re right…it sucks.
@Melanie (Modern Mami), prying, wedging – yep. That sounds about right.
My situation is similar. My inlaws are “different” and they do things differently than I would if I were leading the way, but I’m not, so I don’t.
For example, my father, when his mother died, went to my other grandmother and said, “I just need a hug from my Canadian mother,” (his mom was in Italy). I could never do that with my MIL.
So I take the back seat, offering opinions when asked, and making fucking sure that inside the four walls of MY house, that things play out (what I consider to be) the right way.
@SciFi Dad, and that is ultimately my concern – the four walls of MY house.
That’s one thing Jared and I discussed last night. I said that I have no right (or desire) to say someone else is doing it wrong, but that in MY house, with MY family and MY kids – I get to have a preference and a say.
oh britt, i hate this for you. knowing my family, i struggle when other families don’t handle things they way we would. it must be so difficult to become a part of such a group.
i almost married into a family that couldn’t possibly have been more different from mine. honestly, they are one of the reasons why we broke up.
i seriously can’t imagine how tough this is. know that you aren’t crazy for feeling exactly how you do.
@hello haha narf, to be honest, I made it more difficult on myself than it needed to be by constantly comparing.
The Man’s family is divorced. We are estranged from his mother (unless she writes us a letter and wants money from his dad.) His Dad has Parkinson’s and The Man, for a long long time, wouldn’t talk about it. We were both (his brothers’ wife too) told to butt out and that they would handle this in their own way.
My family’s not like that. We’re in for thick and thin (even when we’re really pissed off at each other.) It’s taken a long time but, I’ve always made it clear that if The Man or his family needed help or support, I was here.
At the end of the day, I have had to accept that as much as I didn’t like it, I just had to accept that these weren’t my decisions to make, and at the end of the day it had nothing to do with me, as much as I would like to.
(Are you close with any of Jared’s siblings spouses? I found speaking to The Man’s brother’s wife really helpful, at least I had someone who understood the situation.)
@Nat, “At the end of the day, I have had to accept that as much as I didn’t like it, I just had to accept that these weren’t my decisions to make, and at the end of the day it had nothing to do with me, as much as I would like to.”
Yeahhhh… I’m still working on that part.
@Miss Britt,
Not easy to do, agreed. Only took me 15 years.
“Es ist, was es ist”
According to Babelfish, that is German for “It is what it is”
So I am pulling up my lederhosen and would like to offer you a rousing Octoberfest song and a huge stein of frothy beer – wait – let’s grab these strangers dancing down the street – and let’s watch the goose steppers parade along in front of us.
Hehehehehehe. Seriously. It’s all good, babe.
Wait. I mean,
“It’ s ganz gut”
@Britt’s mom, I love you.
Since everyone else seems to have focused on familial differences instead of what I believe this post is truly about, I’m just going to say that I’m with Jared.
@NYCWD, what?!?! Even Jared wasn’t with Jared when we talked later!
I mean, OK, on SOME points he was. But on the whole “shutting me out” bit? No.
@Miss Britt, Actually I think you said that he “shut down”, which while it does cause the side effect of you being “shut out”, I don’t think he shut you out purposefully. It’s a defense mechanism which halts emotional escalation and stops a situation from becoming uncontrollable.
I can relate.
@NYCWD, Ahem…
“And he shut down.
And shut me out.”
However, you are absolutely right that it wasn’t intentional. We talked later about what both of us could have said differently, etc. etc. etc.
I have the same situation. My family would die for each other. If there is any problem, you rally the troops and divide the problems and everyone works on a solution.
My in-laws are a whole different species. They call themselves family, but as soon as there is a need, everyone backs up pushes you away and makes judgements.
It took me 31 years to learn not to expect support from them. Unfortunately, now I back away from them. I don’t get involved with their problems and don’t ask for help with mine.
If they need help, my husband will step up, but he doesn’t really have a relationship with them. They left us hanging in the wind too many times.
I hope when my kids are married, their spouses will really be part of our family, in every sense.
@Little Miss Sunshine State, man, that would be rough. I don’t think I could ever say that wasn’t “better or worse” in that case.
Awesome post. In a terrible way, it makes me feel better about my own family relationships and the way “my” family interacts as opposed to how my susband’s family handles things. (((HUGS))) You will get through this, you are too strong a person to let it get the best of you!
@perpstu, I’m already feeling much better today after talking to Jared last night. Thank you for the extra hugs.
Yep, been here too (Surprised? I didn’t think so). Even after 15 years I still can’t wrap my mind around some of the things Mister’s family does, but I’ve learned to just roll my eyes, be there for him and move on. Until it affects my son. Then… watch out.
My family is just like yours — we love strays and you can’t get out unless you die. Even then…
@Finn, I’m not good at silent support.
I’m working on it.
But naturally? I suck at it.
problems with in-laws ultimately had a great deal to do with the demise of my first marriage. they meddled incessantly and i also felt completely separate and apart from them. because i was. because they made it so. because my husband allowed that line.
not that this is what’s going on with you; i have no idea. but i can relate to “family styles” causing dissension within a marriage. my first husband and i disagreed heatedly about the way his family’s style of being inserted itself into our lives.
i needed him to stand up for me and he never did. not until i left. when i left, suddenly he got balls. suddenly he told them that they had been awful to me and because of them, i was gone.
now, that’s not the whole truth. i was gone because of what he and i had become. but it certainly wasn’t FAR from the truth.
–C
…i should qualify my above comment by adding that my first husband was Samoan. clearly i am white. his father disapproved of me because of my race, which informed how my marriage evolved (or failed to, actually). additionally, in Samoan culture there is something called “Fa’a Samoa” which basically means this:
if i am your Samoan uncle and come to your house and see something i like (be it a quilt or a pot or a … TELEVISION) i can take it. it’s mine because i want it and because we are family and Samoan, you should have no problem with this. and when someone dies, even if you never met them, you are required to pitch in monetarily. you are also expected to support extended family members to the detriment of your own finances.
culturally, it’s really kind of bananas, certainly when compared to the culture in which i grew up. or really — the family in which i grew up. worse yet, however, is that i was never given the proper level of respect for simply EXISTING and LOVING my husband (their family), which made it REALLY hard for me to say, GIVE THEM A TELEVISION.
…/rant
@Crys, woah. That is whack.
Before I got married I would have NEVER guessed how much families can affect a marriage. You think loving each other is all that matters, blah blah blah.
My soon-to-be-ex made it pretty clear early on that I wasn’t “family” enough to hear all the gossip about his siblings. As an only child, I wanted to be a part of that big family scene, warts and all.
But there was always something standing in the way. His family.
I’ve adopted aunts, uncles, siblings, and parents in my life, and they are all as close to me as any blood could be, but his family, his blood? Naw. I am, and always will be, an outsider to them.
Which is why I was so surprised to get birthday cards from a couple of them this year… bizarre (it’s probably out of sheer relief on their part).
@Ms. Karen, if I couldn’t talk about my family with Jared – and vice versa – I’d be lost.
wow Britt. That may be one of the best posts I’ve ever read from you. I can relate in so many ways, but I won’t go there.
I would love to be part of your extended family. It sounds like there is so much love there. It would be so much better than what I grew up with.
@Robina, ohhhh, we have lots of love. We’re also all totally fucked in the head. LOL
Well, not all of us. But many of us. Most of us, probably. LOL
@Robina, You can be!!! Er – I’m not cooking Easter dinner this year, because another part of our family is that it’s a holiday whenever we say it’s a holiday, but COME ON OVER!
I don’t care how much you complain, I’m not gonna start peeing with the door open. Nor will I enjoy talking to you while you do.
@translator, hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahhaha
Uptight bastard!!
But hey, at least you’ll still love me – even if you don’t like that part of me.
It’s hard to just realize that people in general are different, and they may never understand why you do things the way you do them, even if you’ve explained a katrillion times. And you’ll never GET why they don’t GET it. This hurts the most when it’s family, because you want to spare them the pain/ anger/ trouble. However, I still maintain that your way is the right way.
(Totally kidding. I’m glad you’re accepting and at least semi understanding that things are handled differently, but I completely get your frustration.)
@Sybil Law, I SO struggle with the GETTING part. The more something is ingrained in who I am, the more I value something, the harder it is for me to understand differing opinions.
I can understand and relate to both aspects (can I call them sides?) to this.
One one hand, having a family that openly welcomes everyone and has an instant strong bond with anyone who has a relationship is a nice, warm thing to behold. It can give one confidence, strength, support and a great feeling. Some might say that feeling is addictive.
On the other hand, if that family welcomes anyone, why is any one special? I mean, if I’m the same as a distant uncle’s babysitter, what am I? I might get the feeling of being in Who’s Who if I were in such a family.
I’d like combo #3. Warm and welcome to all, but close personal family matters stay close and personal. Allowed proximity is earned, not granted for the sake of a bloodline.
@whall, what do you have to do to earn it though?
There are definitely levels of trust and loyalty, etc. even in my family. My mom and my brothers and I are a close knit group unto ourselves.
But we allow people in to the “group” so to speak fairly easily. The fact that I love Jared and he loves me? More than enough.
I guess they trust my judgment on that.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t deal with this. My family and my husband’s are very different. His family is very involved (often too involved) and is always telling each other they love them. My parents stay out of stuff mostly and we don’t use the word love, ever. It causes conflict, not just with him but with my SIL too whose family is different as well. It’s hard, sometimes we just have to say it is what it is and will always be.
@Robin, I’m learning it is definitely something that gets easier with time. And the only part I should spend too much energy on is how it affects MY home.
Fortunately, my husband and I mostly agree about the level of screwed-up-edness that goes on in both of our families. It’s helpful, because I know he gets angry right there with me when his mom does something like completely ignore a SIL who she doesn’t like. It’s . . . wrong. Family is family, even if you don’t like them or didn’t give birth to them.
@Burgh Baby, that kind of unity and support goes a long, long way. I imagine.
Gah, do I know what you mean… my husbands family is very different from my family. Sometimes I fear that they don’t let me in, sometimes it’s over the top and as if I’ve been “one of them” forever. Wishy washy.
Thankfully it doesn’t happen all too often, but when it does, it’s hard – and it’s harder when Chris and I don’t see eye to eye about each of our own families too. I try to come to terms that I can’t tell him how to treat them, because he can’t do that to me – but dammit, it’s difficult sometimes.
@Krystle | Snarky Kisses, exactly. When Jared and I don’t see eye to eye on it, that’s when it’s the worst.
My family sounds more like Jared’s. We go by “you can’t pick your family…” so if you are someone who was picked to be in the family, you’re not really family. On his side, my mother-in-law would like me to be her daughter substitute but I am not interested. She calls and talks to my husband, I stay out of it.
I obviously don’t have the details or know what I am talking about. But from your post it sounds like you were upset because something happed, you wanted to tell them what to do and they don’t want to hear it from you. I understand that must sting but don’t take it personal. I am glad to hear that you and Jared worked it out and have found understanding for your family. That’s what really matters.
@Body by Twins, it can be hard to pick up on the details when I have to be vague about some of them.
I actually didn’t want to tell them what to do. OK, I might have WANTED to – but I didn’t try.
I just wanted to be able to talk to Jared about it.
I struggle with this same thing all the time. My husbands family is so different from mine and I find it hard to integrate him into mine because of it. His “family unit” consists of his parents and sister, they are their own island with extended family seen occasionally and at holidays. My family is TOGETHER ALL THE TIME, and not only that we are all up in each others business all the time, we like it that way. Sometimes it just makes me hurt inside that he never had that as a child.
@Jen, luckily, Jared and I both come from families where extended family is important. That’s a value and experience we shared from day one.
Nevermind that… “five alarm fit” is a beautiful piece of writing!
@Kiefer and Emo, hahahahah, leave it to you…
I feel for you Britt. Not because I’ve been in your position, but because I’ve WANTED to be in your position. My family is so dysfunctional that when you look up dysfunctional family in the dictionary there is a picture of us there, front and center. We are divided – even though attempts are made to make it “seem” like we’re family. We’re not. We are all strangers who have been thrown together and are expected to act like a family. We don’t have family get-togethers. We don’t travel miles upon miles for holidays. We barely talk on the phone. And phone calls would be non-existent if I wasn’t the one making them.
I feel for you hon.
@TMWW, oh my God that would be hard. I think that’s like what my mom grew up with, which is why she was determined to give us something more than that.
Families can be such touchy subjects….
Hugs… and good luck!
There are a few subjects where I am stuck just feeling what I feel and that’s that and it won’t produce any positive result for me to bring up those things so I don’t.
In the thick of something that isn’t my business isn’t always the best time for me to express to Dawg that I feel upset about something that isn’t my business so I turn to my mom or stepdad or to a handful of girlfriends I trust to just listen and not judge-to-my-face and I generally feel better.
You know why I do that? Because something that isn’t my business means it’s not about me, but telling how I feel is a way of inserting myself in so that it does partly become about me… Why is that necessary? Why can’t I continue to be an outside observer to something that isn’t mine to own any part of? It’s not a choice to feel things about a situation, but it is a choice what you do with those feelings.
I have no idea what the situation was, though, so perhaps none of my personal experience applies.
And thus Kelley is no longer married to Cory and I no longer to Bill. Dont let him shut you out! We all have things to say… right?? I mean ya might just say the right thing that fixes the situation. Even in a “different” family! Hey Missy… can I go to the goosesteppers parade and watch with you guys???? I would probably like that!! ;0)
Dear Miss Britt:
I think I just figured out what the heart of the matter is. It seems that you listened to Jared’s side of a conversation of a phone conversation with a member of his family, and probably discussed it later. Further, it seems that Jared and one or more members of his family want to pursue a policy of exclusion toward another member of his family. Now, this goes against one of your core values which is inclusion, no matter what. Maybe you saw a dim possibility that you and Jared could come to an impasse at some future time in your own immediate family and felt a little bit of panic. And when you talked to Jared about your concerns maybe the fear you felt made you sound a little more strident than you normally would. And when Jared heard you he reacted as if you were attacking him.
I think maybe you added a little bit of fear to the situation when you said that family is “everything” to you. I have learned in my therapy that when I describe things in extreme terms it causes me to become more fearful and anxious. I suggest that a rethinking of family being everything to you might help to alleviate some of your fear. Instead of saying family is everything, it might be better to say that family is the highest in my list of priorities. Other things that might go in your list could be your desire to become a successful writer, continuing and improving your weekly internet radio program, your job. The point is that when something becomes everything anything that threatens that becomes a life shattering calamity.
I’m extremely pleased to see in some of your replies that you and Jared had a good talk after you wrote your blog post. This is an important strength in your marriage. Keep it up. My ex-wife and I were seldom able to do this.
Don
Family is weird. Seriously. Yours, mine, his, Ty’s. They’re all just strange. I love my family and at the same time they drive me nuts. Ty’s too. And I’ve found that the solution to this is to choose my family. What others call friends.
Which is why you and Adam are my siblings.
And why when you die? I get your purses. And when Adam buys it? His comic books.
Ain’t family grand?
Glad you and Jared worked it out.