You know why I love the Internets?
Because the Internets doesn’t ask questions.
If you tell the Internet that you were in Glamour magazine, they promise to run right out and buy the issue as soon as it hits newsstands. Hell, they’ll probably be the first ones to tell you they saw you in a national magazine. They won’t piss on your 5 minutes of superficial vanity with pesky things like “what were you in Glamour for?”
The Internets appreciates the value of unearned recognition.
If you tell the Internet that you were quoted on MSNBC.com with an actual link to your blog, they jump up and down to congratulate you. Hell, they’ll probably be the first ones to tell you they saw it – because apparently the Internet actually reads news web sites.
I’m thinking of trading in my family for the Internet.
My Dad called last month. “Hey, I just got a call from your step sister. She said you were in Glamour.”
“Yeah! Isn’t that cool! I just found out today from a friend who said she saw it!”
“Yeah, so, what are you in Glamour for?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what did you do? Is it something you wrote?”
“Um, er, no. Um, it’s just a few lines about couples who dated their friends. And, um… IT HAS MY PICTURE!”
“I heard you called Jared a dork…”
“Oh, Dad, you’re breaking up…. I can’t….shsheeherhdh… what was that? Love you! Gotta go!”
Later that month I finally got my hands on a copy of that Glamour magazine. Apparently they don’t send free copies to people who are mentioned in a few lines and don’t actually do anything to get into the magazine. I showed it to my daughter.
“Look, Emma! There’s Mommy and Daddy! In the magazine!”
“Oh! Look! It’s Mommy and – hey!!! Are those pink boxing gloves? Can I have some pink boxing gloves?”
“What? No. No you cannot have boxing gloves of any kind. Did you see -”
“Hey, who is this lady? She’s pretty! Do you know her?”
“No, I do not know Giselle. Never mind. Give me that.”
Yesterday I found out that an article I’d been interviewed for went live on MSNBC.com. A real, live, actual media outlet. And this time, it had a link to my blog.
“Dad! Guess what!”
“Hi, Britty. What?”
“I’m on MSNBC.com today!! An actual story!! And it quoted me and linked to me and EVERYTHING!”
“What channel is that?”
“No, not the TV show. Just.. um.. just the internet.”
“Oh. So who did you talk to? What interviewer?”
“Um… someone named Diane… I mean… it wasn’t like Katie or anything… but.. um… SHE’S A REAL REPORTER!”
“Oh. Right. I’m sure she is.”
“Yeah. So, anyway, it’s this story about people who blog about their marriages and they posted a link in the story to Miss -”
“By the way, I heard you started smoking again.”
“What’s that? Oh yeah. Well… dfhsfhsdfh… crap! Dad, bad reception again… fsjfksjd… love you! Gotta go!”
Later that day I decided that I’d post a link to the story on Facebook. I mean, sure, Facebook isn’t really the Internets – but it’s damn close. I mentioned that I was worried the posts on the front page on my blog weren’t really representative of my awesomeness and might have come off as a little dull. You know, if you were a first time reader FROM MSNBC.COM!!!
My brother-in-law commented on my status.
“Oh, yeah. I was going to mention that. But I got bored and started googling vaginas.”
Fucker.
My mom chimed in with her support.
“Oh, who are you kidding? You’re just worried about how many times the word ‘vagina’ is likely to show up on the front page.”
It’s like these people think they know me or something!
I knew I’d have my vindication that night when Jared got home. If you can’t count on your husband to bask in your famousness, who can you count on?
“Did you see the link I sent you?”
“Uh huh.”
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yep.”
“I didn’t even call you a dork this time!”
“Yeah, thanks for that.”
“Jared! This is an actual real live media outlet! And it linked to MY blog! I’m practically FAMOUS, you know!”
“Mmmhhh.”
“You know, none of you fuckers appreciate how awesome I am.”
“Hey – did you put your laundry away yet?”
sigh
I’m telling you, these people suck. It’s like they think I am just some normal person or something.
Clearly they don’t know who they’re dealing with.
Clearly, they all need one of those “I’m kind of a big deal on the Internet.” shirts to remind them.
@Melanie (Modern Mami), EXACTLY.
Christmas presents for everyone this year…
Oh, one day they’ll be sorry they didn’t recognize your celebrity and awesome. Until then, muttering under your breath and doing passive aggressive things they ignore anyway will make you feel a little better.
@Lisa, that’s pretty much my plan.
Holy crap you were on MSNBC! That is clearly awesome!
Have I told you I pph you lately? No, well I do. yup.
@Sarah, see? This is why I love you, Internets. And Sarah, too.
Yeah well, TruTV wrote about my blog on their blog which is called truTV’s “Dumb Blog: A Daily Digest of the Stupid Things People Do.”
Go figure.
To make matters worse, I asked them what a girl has to do to be a commentator on their “World’s Dumbest” show where people make cracks about those wild police chase videos and they actually told me I needed to be a “washed up celebrity whose had trouble with the law.”
So clearly, we have our sights set waaay too high, you and me.
@Undomestic Diva, hahahahahahahhahaha – so first you have to make it big, and then you have to crash and burn. Got it.
I’ll buy glamour, just for you.
mind if i add you to fb?
@amanda, of course not! But – can you put a little note when you go to add me so I recognize the name. (If we don’t have any friends in common sometimes I don’t add back right away.)
the msnbc link was on the day i FINALLY bought that glamour magazine that you are in. somehow the internet knew to have the link to you go the day i bought your magazine. because it is all about me, right?
p.s. yay, you!!
@hello haha narf, every morning when I get up I think “I wonder what’s going on with Becky today.”
So – yes. It is.
ROCK STAR!!!
@Rachel, I KNOW! These people better recognize, yo.
I love how my family calls to ask a legal question to which I know the answer and then they argue with me about it*giggling* yeah
@Turnbaby, I get that too. Argh!
@Turnbaby, my family never calls to ask m legal questions! BASTARDS! he he he he
Yes, I saw your article at MSNBC.com. I almost choked on my coffee when I read your name. Wow! I squealed like a teenage groupie and woke the entire household. So, needless to say, Dan’s not quite so impressed at the moment.
Umm… can I have your autograph?
@Robin, of course you can have my autograph! Where do you want it? On your boobs? Your first born’s head? That’s how this goes – right??
I think you’re all sorts of awesome. And, frankly, my opinion is the only one that counts. Oh, and yours of course.
xo
@Dawn, I agree.
We are the opinion makers, baby.
Unlike your brother, I was able to Google vaginas AND read your interview at the very same time. It’s all about multitasking.
@avitable, obviously you’re superior to everyone.
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” ~Einstein~
Read into that what you will.
Oh,BTW, People calling the Internet “the internets” or even interwebs is almost as 5 minutes ago as the saying “so 5 minutes ago”
@bert farve, YOU’VE BEEN ON FACEBOOK FOR LIKE TWO DAYS!
But you’re the expert.
My blog was in a magazine once. They said it sucked. Like I didn’t already know that.
@Nobody, isn’t there something about “there’s no such thing as bad press”?
Although to be honest – I don’t know how much “press” means in the blogging world anyway.
I happen to think it’s WAY cool.
Some celebrities say their families keep them grounded – maybe this is what they’re talking about?
@Ashlie- Mommycosm, you cannot ground teh awesomeness!
LOL
But seriously – yeah.
Wait… you can google vaginas?
Why didn’t you mention that in your interview with MSNBC? THAT would have gotten you more traffic!
(Maybe you mentioned it, but they were too afraid of your awesome, so they edited it out. Yeah, that has to be it.)
@SciFi Dad, I’m sure that’s it. At least they left “puking my feelings out at him” in – because we wouldn’t want to let THAT go unsaid.
Can I be one of your posse? Do famous people still have posses?!
And, can I have your autograph?
@Sybil Law, I believe they call them entourages now. And yes, you can.
Yesterday I found out that an article I’d been interviewed for went live on MSNBC.com. A real, live, actual media outlet.
The fact that you consider MSNBC a “real, live, actual media outlet” is proof that you are delusional and still living in the ’90s.
Now if you had been on DIGG, THAT would have been something!!!
@NYCWD, Now YOU make me laugh
@NYCWD, ARE WE RELATED?!?!?
You were in a magazine googling vaginas? Nice one.
@SingleParentDad, um. Er. Uh. Would that impress you?
Then – YES. Yes, I was.
I totally appreciate your awesomeness and the import of this. Enough to be jealous, and that is the real sign of appreciation on the Internet!
Next time you see Giselle, can you slip her my number?
@Deb on the Rocks, Jealousy is the best form of love on the Internet.
And Giselle says to tell you that you have great boobs.
Ha! I was going to say something about you “clearly” being “a big deal on the Internet” but Melanie beat me to it.
hehehehehehe
@Britt’s mom, are you mocking my use of the word clearly, woman?!?!?
Wait until your Playboy pictoral comes out. That’ll show ‘em.
@Finn, damn right!
Wait…
Hey just wanted to let you know I read the article on MSNBC.com and started reading your blog for the first time yesterday. I love it. alot of the blogs you have written I can relate to. So now you have another avid reader for you blog.
@Leia, awwww – thanks.
DO YOU SEE THAT MOM? Leia gets it!
I get Glamour, and I did see your picture in it and went. . . is that really? That is totally really! And then I realized that I am a huge geek because I recognized one of the bloggy people I read in a magazine.
um, yeah, that’s totally my family….never appreciate my awesomeness…
I’m with Sybil…can I be in your “entourage”?
I’m sure it has been mentioned but I’m running after a 2 year old…time is not my friend ..what month please?
You are so obviously famous. I don’t know what there problem is.
I love this post.
Made me laugh and smile and nod. Thanks for the warning, I’ll keep my expectations to a minimum when I tell my dad about my thing and he doesn’t skip a beat in changing the subject to the date of his knee surgery. 
You can still have your real family and the internet family….The internet is your family when your real family starts to suck, that’s all.
Good article in MSNBC — and you got more than a few words in this one. Congrats! Just remember the little people when you’re hanging out with all the other media celebs, OK??
Now I need to go and read Glamour & check out MSNBC.com
Woohoo! You ROCK!
HA! I totally dig what your BIL said. He sounds like a prime wise ass such as me!
You are a big deal, hon! And it’s about damned time the rest of teh world noticed!
Your family? They’ll get there.
Britt-
I’m elated that you’re famous and that I got to share both my Christmas AND Spring Break with you and your holy presence (I am not, in fact, being facetious…)
I love your writing and am glad that you do what you do so very well!
<3
One more thing– Could you make it Conan instead of Leno?
So Britt,
That article on MSNBC.com is how I found you. It is just awesome. My family thinks I am nuts for Blogging on the internet but your mention in that article game me hope. You keep it going.
Ha, they’ll be sorry!
Congrats on all the media exposure. Very, very cool!
I got interviewed years ago for an article about camgirls. I sent the link to my mother, and even though the article makes it clear that those of us interviewed aren’t naked, Mom said “I’m disappointed in you.”
OMG, I just stumbled your blog and I’m in love! I’m not allowed to say fuckers on my blog, tragic, I know! But we are so cut from the same cloth! I want to be internet famous like you when I grow up! haha!
Oh my gosh! You are now nationally known, and Lord knows how many people will not hit your blog.
1,200 hits a day? Dang girl! I didn’t know you were that freaking popular!!
yup, I’m impressed, even if your family isn’t.
Look at it this way – at least you got another post out of it. oh wait…