How many times should a girl have to say she is not porn?

You know, you use the word vagina a few times and suddenly everyone thinks you’re a porn site.

Seriously.

First, it was Panera bread.

If you try to access this site using the free wi-fi provided at any Panera location, you’ll get a message that it is blocked due to inappropriate material. Of course, if you try to look up dolphin porn at Avitable’s blog – well, Panera has no problem with that!

Apparently the word fuck is more offensive to Panera’s delicate senses than dolphin blow jobs.

When the lovely Ashley featured me on the “Pulse of Central Florida”, he asked me about my “adult” content. I had to explain, again, that I DO NO WRITE PORN! Damn.

I’ve gotten used to it, I suppose. I respond to the emails from would-be readers asking why I am blocked by their IT department without so much as a huff of indignation. I apologize and offer to add them to the list of “people who have to be emailed my content under a code name”.

But the email I received this morning… well… this is a new low. Even for me.

See, I’ve decided to launch a review site for women. I’ve seen a lot of mommy review sites around and always wondered “where the hell are the sites for the REST of the shit women spend their money on?” I also thought, “this economy is kicking my freaking ass and I need a better way to whore myself out without exploiting my dear sweet readers at Miss-Britt.”

So anyway. Buy-Her. Reviews and stuff about things I actually buy.

As part of the process, I started looking for advertisers and affiliate programs (see earlier economy kicking ass and me willing to be whore in order to pay mortgage references. See also: too fat to strip.) I filled out a crap load of applications, got accepted by some and rejected by others. Blah Blah Blah.

The point of this story is this:

Frederick’s Of Hollywood rejected me.

By email.

By an email that stated, and I quote:

The reason for this decision may be as follows:

* inability to access Web site
* Web site not yet live
* inappropriate material on site

Um. Yeah. The site is live and accessible. But? Apparently?

I AM TOO FUCKING INAPPROPRIATE FOR FREDERICK’S OF HOLLYWOOD!!

For those of you who don’t know – Frederick’s sells lingerie. RAUNCHY lingerie, to be specific. Raunchy lingerie like CROTCHLESS FUCKING PANTIES, to be even MORE specific.

But *I* am too inappropriate.

I don’t even know what to do with that.

In other news…

Yeah. Apparently I’m not too dirty for Playboy’s online store.

Yet.

My parents must be so proud.

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  1. avitable says:

    Frederick’s won’t even know what huge Brittcorp enterprise they could have been a part of!

  2. I’ve gotten those rejection emails too. What inappropriate content is on my site I ask? Heading over to check out review site.

  3. Hilly says:

    Dude, how many blogs do you *have*? I can barely keep up with the one!

    (said with a lovable joking tone, of course)

  4. Finn says:

    Fuck Fredrick’s and their crappy, slutty lingere that will probably give you a fucking yeast infection anyway (I swear I get an STD from just LOOKING at that crap).

    And yeah for Playboy’s crappy, slutty lingere that will probably give you a yeast infection anyway.

    I may just be the least little bit bitter that I don’t look like those girls when I where that stuff. Maybe.

    P.S. – Vagina, penis, fuck, fuck, fuck.

  5. Finn says:

    Wear. That would be wear. Fuck.

  6. This is fantastic. You should be so very proud.

  7. NYCWD says:

    Fuck Frededrick’s. They have crappy thigh highs anyway. That shit gets stretched out after one throw.

    Or so I’ve heard.

    On a totally different note, I’m glad your expanding your own brand instead of getting sucked dry by others.

  8. SciFi Dad says:

    Wow… a mommyblog that’s too slutty for Fredrick’s of Hollywood…

    I mean, the jokes just write themselves, don’t they?

  9. akeorlando says:

    Lovely? Mwah? (Blushing….) I never said you write porn! LOL! Just sometimes content that is more geared towards adults.

    You could write about dirt and I’d still read it. :)

  10. Tracy says:

    Ha! That’s their loss. A person that labels this blog porn hasn’t done their research so why bother with them. Same thing happens on my blog although I do post on raunchy stories from time to time.

  11. Summer says:

    You got rejected by Fredericks for being inappropriate? I think I literally just pulled something from laughing so hard.

  12. Dory says:

    OUTSTANDING use of “See also:” heeheehee

  13. DutchBitch says:

    LOL OMFG! Are you serious!?!?! Well, you are dah bomb, woman! Clearly! In my book, anyway!

  14. Lynda says:

    If this is a porn blog, my blog must be a religious blog.

  15. Sybil Law says:

    You don’t want that rashy, Frederick’s crap as sponsors, anyway! Fuck them!
    That’s crazy!
    But I am excited about the new blog! Going there now…

  16. Sybil Law says:

    I cannot get to the site! WTF?!

  17. Oh heck, if you’re too trashy for Fredricks, I’m totally screwed!

  18. Always knew that Hef had class and good taste.

  19. Dawn says:

    In just 24 short hours, you went from daddy’s girl to dirty girl. Magical! :)

  20. Turnbaby says:

    LMAO

    Fuck Fredericks!! Who would wear their nasty made in Outer Mongolia crap anyway? You’d probably get a rash all around your vagina

  21. Robin says:

    Fuck them…Adam and Eve is a better site for fuck-me clothes anyway.

  22. Dumb arses. I didn’t even know that Fredrick’s was still around…I thought they went out in the ’80s.

  23. hey! CROTCHLESS FUCKING PANTIES are not Raunchy lingerie!!

  24. p.s. i just went over there and cracked up at the header. perfect.

  25. whall says:

    there’s a saying that goes something like…

    “if the shoe fits…”

    Who knew that they were talking about fitting in the arse of Fredericks?

  26. LV Lizard says:

    I was reading the post all ready to suggest stripping (my favorite activity to observe, and where the vast majority of my income is spent…aside from alcohol) but you already seem to have covered that base along with others. I was saddened by the news but don’t worry I still like you, because we think along the same lines.

    Good luck with the new blog and fuck fredricks…seriously they’re not half as cool as they think they are.

  27. MariaV says:

    You win. Frederick’s has a dirtier feel than Playboy.

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