Lisa, May you find Shelter

Lisa and Britt at TequilaCon last year

Lisa and Britt at TequilaCon last year

My friend, our friend, Lisa died last night.

While I was sleeping in my bed, beside my husband, with my two small children sleeping in their rooms – she and hers were saying goodbye.

It is what it is, Lisa would say.


Whether we were talking about her dying or internet trolls or the old boyfriends you can’t quite shake, she’d always come back to that. It is what it is. My mom will say to me sometimes, “I know, I know, it is what it is,” and I stop inside my own head because I realize that only I know how that philosophy came to be rooted so firmly in my life that other people mistakenly associate it with me.

It is what it is.

And what it is, my friend, is this…

Clusterfook mothers day at the beach

Every time my daughter runs into the ocean, I think of you. I think of how she was terrified of the noise and the waves and the unpredictability of it all, until you held her hand and showed her that the best sea shells could be found under those waves.

It is what it is.

Every time I hear another Florida local talk about Disney in that cynical voice we use when calling it “the happiest place on earth”, I think of you and those girls and that last visit and how, once you all agreed to stop biting each other’s heads off, it truly became the happiest place on earth. It was, at once, not what you’d imagined and everything you’d hoped it would be.

It is what it is.

Every time I find myself holding my breath on a family outing, I remember that trip too. I remember how we counseled each other about our expectations. About how we needed, so badly sometimes, to make perfect memories with our kids. And how they fuck it all up by going and being kids and husbands. And how we just have to let it go… let go of the expectations… breathe… and say fuck it. Right?

“Because ya know,” you’d say, “it is what it is.”

Lisa, waking up this morning to find out you’re gone hurts worse than I thought it would. More than anything, I want those girls and that man to know how much you adored them. To know they were, in the end, everything to you.

Lisa and The Dude - and she actually called him Dude LOL

Lisa and The Dude - and she actually called him Dude LOL

And I pray that you find shelter.

This is for you, babe.

I know this was your favorite. May you be rocking hard to it right now.

Because you are, after all, The Rock Bitch

Because you are, after all, The Rock Bitch

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  1. avitable says:

    Very beautifully written babe. She would have loved this post.

  2. Momma says:

    So strange, Britt. I surely don’t know her and only read about her once on your blog, but last night I was wondering how she was. Providence or Serendipity.

    God Bless her and her family

  3. Crys says:

    thank you for these wonderful pictures.

  4. fidget says:

    Beautiful tribute to Lisa. I’m so glad she is out of pain but still, so many tears today

  5. Britt – thank you for sharing this lovely post.

  6. Winter says:

    You speak from the heart better than anyone, Britt. And that is what it is… Sending you hugs.

  7. Hilly says:

    Very beautiful, Britt.

  8. metalmom says:


    That was so beautiful. I’m sorry you lost such a wonderful friend. And yes, she’s rocking out in heaven.

  9. Sarah says:

    Britt, I’m so sorry. Lisa sounds like a wonderful friend.

    And I agree with Winter – you do speak from the heart better than anyone else. Thank you for sharing a little bit of who Lisa was with us.

    Love and hugs.

  10. oh girl,
    I knew and loved Lisa from a distance. You were lucky enough to really hang out and be friends. You wrote just an absolutely lovely post that Lisa would have loved.

    Miss her already…

  11. Karl says:

    Wonderfully put.

  12. Ms Batman says:

    You found the words nobody else could and strung them together to make the most heartfelt beautiful tribute to a strong courageous woman. I read the news early, and I’ve been on line off and on all day, watching the news spread across the internets as people hear and leave tributes. None will compare to yours.

  13. catnip says:

    That was a beautiful tribute to her. I think you were very lucky to get to know her in real life.

  14. Terri says:

    One word only… beautiful!!!

  15. Jenn says:

    So beautifully written Britt. Prayer to you

  16. Donna says:

    that was a beautiful post.

  17. Valerie says:

    What a lovely goodbye to your friend. She will be missed.

  18. Foo says:

    Through tears….this is beautiful Britt…Lots of memories for you and your family to hold onto forever.

  19. Stephanie says:

    I’m sorry that you lost your friend, and that the world lost someone who was good for it.

  20. Jen W says:

    I only recently started following Lisa’s blog but thank you for helping me know a little more about her. So sorry for the loss of your friend but she would be so proud of the way you fondly remembered her in this post.

  21. Very touching tribute Britt xoxox

  22. Turnbaby says:

    So lovely, Britt.

  23. Last night while her family was saying goodbye to her, I was praying angrily to God, “If you’re not going to save her, then take her so she doesn’t have to suffer any more.”

    This was beautiful Britt.

  24. Dee says:

    She will be missed.

  25. sizzle says:

    This is a beautiful tribute. I never got to meet Lisa but from everything I have read on her site and all of her friend’s sites, I know she was a bright star.

  26. HUGS. I know you’ll miss her.

  27. Goodbye Lisa says:

    [...] going to die? The amount of bravery she had is something I truly admire. And as she liked to say, It is what it is. You learn to deal with and accept that with which you cannot [...]

  28. Selma says:

    This is very sad to hear. What a wonderful lady. My condolences to all who loved her, particularly her family. XXX

  29. Dawn says:

    Sad day…

    That was lovely, Britt. Absolutely beautiful and heartfelt.

  30. Laura says:

    A lovely post, and lovely pictures, Britt. Hugs to you, and hugs to us all. She will be missed. She’ll always be loved.

  31. mikkie says:

    Thanks for such a lovely tribute to Lisa. It was great to see the photos, even though they made me cry — again. Thanks also for being such a great friend to her and her family!

  32. wonderful tribute for a wonderful woman.

    i love you.

  33. Shash says:

    Incredible tribute. She will be missed. My heart goes out to everyone touched by her and her family. Hugs to you all.

  34. gemini says:

    Wonderfully said ((hug))

  35. Thumper says:

    I didn’t know her other than from when you wrote about her, but I’m sitting here in tears; this is a wonderful tribute to your friend, and makes me wish that I had known her.

    I’m terribly sorry you’ve lost her, and very happy that you had her in your life.

  36. Lynette says:

    I’m so sorry for you loss. You left a beautiful tribute to your friend.

  37. Her loss is felt around the blogosphere, the real world and beyond.
    Your tribute is perfect and you speak and write so beautifully.

    For those who did not know her, you have given them a wonderful picture of her and her life and lasting message.

    Hugs for your loss, everyone’s loss.

  38. steen says:

    I am so, so sorry for your loss, Britt. All my love to you and her family…

  39. Your friend leaves behind her own brand of spiritual impact, and from what I can read it’s pretty widely felt. That’s pretty lovely.

  40. I am so sorry to learn of Lisa’s passing Britt. I last read her blog when she wrote that she was stopping treatment and I cried. To have to face that type of decision, as a mother, had to be unbearable. I’m thankful you had her in your life. She’s gonna be watching over you, bet on it. Hugs to all who were friends with Lisa.

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