Someone is after mah man! **UPDATED**

Dear Wii Fit,

I did not take it personally when you said I was slightly overweight. I admit, I was impressed that you could weigh me so accurately.

I did not get mad when you stopped mid push up to announce that I had taken a break. I mean I had, after all, rolled over on my side to die.

I was a good sport, I think. I didn’t cuss you out for inflating my Mii (the cartoon replica of me) to scale or call the personal trainer names or blame you for the nagging inner ear issue I developed immediately after finishing your yoga exercises.

No. Not at all.

I respected and even appreciated what you were trying to do for me.

And then

You met

My husband.

And you?

Are clearly a home wrecking tramp.

32? 32?!?! Really?!? You calculated his fitness age at 32- and mine at 65?!?

Sixty fucking five???

Yeah. Right. He’s 30 years more fit than me. You dirty, dirty whore.

I should have bought a playstation.


This morning you said I was 24. Really, Wii Fit? Really? You expect me to believe that I lost 40 years in my sleep? Correction – 40 years and 1.5 lbs?

This is obviously part of your plan to distract me from your devious nature.

I’m on to you.

(I will, however, only be using you in the morning from now on. I mean. You know. Just in case.)

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  1. I exercise mainly because I feel bad for my chubby Mii.

    I did a post about the WiiFit talking smack about my husband:

  2. Why I will not be getting a WiiFit. I have enough self-esteem issues without a freaking computer program telling me I’m obese.

  3. Kim says:

    That’s why mine is still sitting in the box in the corner !! I get it for free in RL….and to have a computer bitch tell me?? No she din’t !! “)

  4. Ammie says:

    The guy trainer, we call him “Greg”, is much nicer. And if he hits on your man at least you will know that your man won’t respond since he doesn’t swing that way. Right?

  5. Faiqa says:

    HAHAHA~~~ I laugh because I know your pain. I am a 45 year old woman married to a 25 year old.

  6. Danalyn says:

    Well, in the Wii’s defense, Jared *does* look like cradle-robber material.

    And don’t feel bad…if it calculated MY “fitness” age, it’d probably come out older than yours (I am horribly out of shape…like, seriously, I get winded just walking up 5 individual stair steps…okay, maybe not *that* bad, but I’m still pretty unhealthy).

  7. you should have broken it out of the box while i was there. it might have made you feel MUCH better to have the machine draw its little image of me.

    i had to laugh when you described the rolling over to die mid push up. once, when i tried abs of steel, the bitch on my television told me i should start to feel a little burn. i hollered, “bitch, call the fire department!”

  8. Lauren says:

    This made me laugh right out loud. I don’t even own a wii, nevermind a wiifit, but I’ve been toying with it, it seems fun. But then, I don’t have a man.

  9. avitable says:


    And he smokes!

  10. SciFi Dad says:

    Nintendo: crushing egos and breaking families apart since 1975

  11. Dawn says:

    Yet another reason for Jeremy and I not to get a Wii Fit. Thank you.

  12. OMG … VERY funny! I happen to be in my 40′s married to a man in his 60′s . . . the Wii bitch thinks HE’s in his 40′s and I’M in my 60′s! I toally feel your pain sister. She even asked me if I thought his posture was better and I said NO! she said maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention to him! Snarl.

  13. whall says:

    Today was my first Wii Fit Age of 28 (-10) – my lowest ever. Before this, I was high 40′s/low 50′s

    I’m taking everyone out to Baskin-Robbins to celebrate.

  14. NYCWD says:

    You expected different from the game system that brought the world a hot little blonde in a pink poofy dress in the form of Princess Peach???

    If I were you I’d keep an eye on Big J… that seems his type.

  15. B.E. Earl says:

    It’s like those old horror movies.

    “Just keep telling yourself, it’s only a game. It’s only a game. It’s only a game. It’s only a game.”

  16. Well, if you lost 40 years just by sleeping, just think what other time-erasing activities you could conjure up for the bedroom? :P

  17. Angella says:

    I only weigh myself in the morning. Before I eat. And while completely naked.

    You know, so it’s accurate.

  18. Turnbaby says:

    I never get on a scale outside of the doctor’s office at any time other than first thing in the AM. Naked. Before the shower cause you know things are heavier when wet;-)

    You just convinced me not to get the Wii Fit. Hell my jeans are already telling me ALL I need to know

  19. OMG. Priceless.

    And fucking funny!

  20. ali says:

    THIS is exactly why there is no wii-fit in my future. it would drive me fucking batty.

  21. Gemini says:

    That would cause me to work harder at being fitter then my hubby… hmmm I think that a Gym run is in store for me this weekend.. :)

  22. I was morally offended when the dirty skankbag inflated my character like a Macy’s Thanksgiving parade balloon too. But the I was vindicated when hubby, who is extremely fit and 5 years younger than me scored a WAY higher fit age than me. I’ll admit it, I did a little dance. Ok, judging by the size of my Mii it was probably more of a truffle shuffle, but still…

  23. Hi Miss Britt!
    I’m a fellow Uptake blogger and just found you. This is hysterical. My niece and her husband got a Wii and had us all over for dinner over the holidays. Everybody tried it – each of us standing at the front of the room while everyone sat on the huge L-shaped sofa behind and watched. I can just imagine the view they got of my big butt gyrating as I tried to do the slalom and the ski jump. I just hope no one was video-ing it. Great blog!

  24. Stephanie says:

    This is FANTASTIC. I haven’t used one of these, but I’m curious.

  25. Sybil Law says:

    I think that bitch is toying with you,to get you motivated!
    I hate perky bitch instructors, anyway!

  26. If you’re 65 than I’m prolly 150. Srsly.

    I can’t believe I have never even tried a Wii. I think I have to go shopping now.

  27. Caffeinatrix says:

    I’m getting Wii Fit next month. Thanks for the warning… Now I know to keep my eye on that slutty betch.

  28. Lynette says:

    And that wii fit is sort of mean. I don’t need you to say things like do I trip when I walk…I thought it was supposed to be sort of like a cheerleader..

    But then I guess it is. It says all these shitty things while sounding all chipper and friendly. Hmph.

  29. Jen W says:

    My Wii Fit mocks me all the time. It’s quite humbling.

  30. Brittany says:

    THIS is why I am afraid to step foot on it. I am afraid it will remember my weight, and then totally tell my husband, and he will be shocked and then leave me.

  31. Ren says:

    Count me in the group that does the Body Test in the morning, naked, whether or not I’m going to do any excercises at that time.

  32. abrigham says:

    My wife and I have a WiiFit, and admittedly, it does tend to favor me :) Then again, it does bitch at me because I don’t get on it every day like she does.

    As a side note, the “Fit Age” is not based on your weight at all, it only bases it on the results of the two balance tests it does after you weigh in – that’s why your age can vary so widely from day to day if one day it gives you two tests you suck horribly at, then the next gives you two tests you can pass w/ flying colors.

  33. Joe says:

    Eh, i tried Wii Fit when my little cousin got it for Christmas, i got minus 1 years for the whole ‘Centre of Gravity’ bit, but plus 20 years if i did the ‘balancing on one leg’ version.
    So, the moral of the story? Whenever i take a foot off the ground, i gain 21 years?

    Screw it, i’m just gonna spend the whole time on the internet & not bother with the whole feet:year ratio! :D

  34. Kevin says:

    Nice post! Can I ask how you got the text at the top of the post that shows to people that stumbled upon this page?

  35. Tracy says:

    You paid how much to make yourself angry? :)

  36. just another internet stumbler says:

    As far as how accurate it is, it was spot on for my mom and every other adult in the house, but because I’m under 20 something (I forget the actual age cut off?), my results are hilariously skewed. it had me as nearly morbidly obese… lollll

    on the other hand it’s wicked fun.

    also this entry made me lol.

  37. DaDuck says:

    HAHAHAHA I cried I laughed so hard. HAHAHAHAHA

  38. Bacardi Mama says:

    Wii Fit, you love it or you hate it and it’s usually all in the time frame of the same workout. Great post.

  39. Margaret says:

    Just had to leave a comment. I tried the Wii fit at a friends house last weekend and it hurt to laugh the next day. But out of the three of us that did it I’m the oldest and it calculated my age as the youngest.

    And it’s funny that you weigh after brushing your teeth and before the shower. I do the exact same thing

  40. Tonz says:

    I think I may want to get a bit fitter before I try this.

    But I do kind of like Denise Austen. I think its the “If you don’t squeeze you butt, no one else” comment that gets me.

  41. Tonz says:

    Wait that was meant to say “If YOU don’t squeeze your butt, no one else will”.

  42. Jill S. says:

    My Wii nearly got chucked out the window when it told me I was twenty pounds overweight. Excuse me, I am only 19 1/2 pounds overweight, thank you very much. LOL. Loved this post.

  43. kapgar says:

    I think discovering my WiiWeight and all that jazz is the reason Katie and I have not tried it yet. We are scared. Very scared.

    I love this post, BTW. Congrats on your miraculous loss! ;-)

  44. Donna says:

    Oh wow- you make me want to go buy a Wii fit! LOL I remember taking the wii sports age thing when we first got our wii. It said I was 80!!!! Two days later I was 25. I think if you are a woman, it likes messing with you! LOL

  45. Courtney says:

    My husband refuses to use it now because it said he was obese. He took it personally.

  46. [...] Why the Wii fit is a dirty man stealing whore. [...]

  47. Cell Phone says:

    i dont know how accurate the wii fit is. it does not account muscle mass into the equation.

  48. whall says:

    I’ll be honest; I’m really starting to like my Wii Fit trainer. I just wish they’d support avatars and downloadable “skins”.

    Kirstie Alley!!!! COME HELP ME WITH YOGA!

  49. iamthediva says:

    LOL, that is AWESOME!

  50. [...] Link Blogged with the Flock Browser [...]

  51. Sean Smyth says:

    Very funny. I linked to this in my blog. Hope you don’t mind. :D

  52. I wanted to make a fun comment that had something to do with your post, but then I saw that XShot ad and now I’m forever distracted. I mean, seriously? It’s like the Sham Wow of photography! Or maybe it’s meant for people to take candid under-skirt photos?

  53. Miranda says:

    I’m hoping you read these comments, i have a big tip for you.
    Take the “Stumblers give me a thumbs up” thing off of every post. NO ONE goes “okay, well since she wants one!” – it just comes across as obnoxious and pathetic. Many people even intentionally thumb it down because of that.

    Just a tip. –m

  54. Mine tells me my weight fluctuates a lot day to day, which I already knew, but the real kicker is that my fit age varies as much as 30 years from one day to the next. I’m 29 and have gotten from 31 to 65.

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