When you’ve been away from your house for oh, let’s say, about 10 days, one of the first things you’ll notice when you get home is that it’s been damn near a year since you’ve made any progress on decorating your not-so-new-anymore house.
At that point, the best thing to do is wait until oh, let’s say, about 3 o’clock in the afternoon on the Sunday before everyone goes back to school and work and their normal routines and declare it is high time we painted these damn walls!
And then you’ll look up the definition of “high time” and determine it is “now” and wonder if you are about to change tenses as you embark on telling the story of how you painted your walls. Then you’ll figure, fuck it. They’ll get the point.
You’ll want to label these pictures as “Before”.
Those of you familiar with my fine domestic skills are probably expecting some kind of brilliant tip, trick or short cut right now. But, alas, no. There is no way to avoid spending an ungodly amount of time separating your white walls from your white base boards with green painter’s tape.
Unfortunately.
Once you have put a boy and/or taller person to work on the high up parts, you’re going to want to start with the trimming. Except you won’t really want to because the only thing that sucks worse than taping is trimming.
Right about {here} is when your husband or some boy will start to complain that this whole thing is taking a lot longer than he had anticipated when he willingly agreed to help.
Right about {here} is when your three your old will walk in the room and ask:
And then you will go all ninja on her ass and punch her in her tears. Not really.
Ahem.
ANYway.
Right about {here} you will break out the roller and start filling in the big spaces with paint. You will not take pictures because everyone or some boy is starting to get a little antsy about getting this shit done and you think maybe this isn’t the best time to stop and document everything for the blog.
After roughly not very long at all you big cry baby pee pee pants, you will have covered all of those white walls with paint. You will stand back and marvel at your awesomeness.
THEN, you will remove all of the green tape.
And then, THEN MY FRIEND, you will show them all how wonderfully that time was spent. THEN they will see that it is not at ALL “white on white”!
Oh man, you should have asked me to come help so that I could have come up with some creative excuse!
I DID!
Not this time, you didn’t. And here I was, left holding a handful of awesome excuses that I couldn’t even use.
“My grandmother’s really sick”.
“I think I have Ebola.”
“My painting elbow is sprained.”
“I just took Viagra four hours ago and can’t get my erection to go away.”
Yes, I did too! I was on the phone with you on my way home from Home Depot. I was on the phone with you right before I started painting and we were taking the tree down. And I said “so, I’m going to paint, if you want to come over and help..”
And you said “oh, um, yeah, uh, BYE!”
Very nice. Although, I was expecting some crayola help from Emma…
Oh THAT would not have been good. For anyone.
INFO FROM A DESIGNER – NEED MORE MEN AND MORE PICS OF THEN MEN DOING THE WORK – LOL
Looks great thanks for sharing
Will take note of that.
Apparently, Jared owns a 15 foot ladder.
You didn’t tell us what time you finished.
Yes, yes he does, actually.
More than one.
Looks great! I love the neutral colors. Now, when you decide to sell your house, some bitch won’t tell you that you have to repaint before she can list it… oops, sorry, I’m leaking my personal real estate drama all over you. Sorry about that. LOL.
YOU’RE SELLING YOUR HOUSE?? WHA???
(and also – have you SEEN the RED and GREEN walls? I would definitely have to repaint.)
OMG YOU HAVE A RESIZABLE COMMENT BOX.
Oh wait. You were talking about something? Something racist or some such?
I do?
It looks great! And you get beekcake that paints? You are a lucky, lucky girl!
I am pretty sure you are the first person ever in the history of the world to refer to Jared as “beefcake”.
Well, except for maybe Jared.
I like the colors for that expanse of wall.
Now I want to repaint my room. Hmm…
neutral is inspiring to you?
I just have one request. Could Jared wear a tool belt next time and slightly shorter shorts? He would make a lot of fortysomething women very happy.
Oh, the walls look good, by the way!
He DOES have a toolbelt….
That looks really nice! And I love your hign ceilings! Being 6ft it can feel a little…. cramped sometimes
Well you’d definitely not feel cramped here, then! I like them too – except when it’s time to paint the damn things.
Oh I looove the color! What’s it called? You can come paint mine now. That would have taken all weekend at my house. Hubby is so slow and I don’t climb. :hehe:
Ummmm… butter? Off white? Cream?
I dunno.
love your photo posts. i cracked up. especially because of the look on jared’s face when you told him you were photographing for the internets. awesome.
looks like yinz did a great paint job. yay you!
heh
yes
well
apparently there are a FEW places that need a little touch up
My house needs that next! Can “some boy” come paint the high-up parts in my house? Please?
Sure!
He works for beer and pizza. Well, and sex.
You made that look easy.
And talking as someone who last summer painted a whole house from scratch, walls and ceilings.
PAINTING WALLS IS EVIL.
I know – it’s just like when you watch it on TV. It LOOKS like it’s no big deal.
So far, in THIS HOUSE ALONE (not to mention the two we sold two summers ago), we’ve painted a kitchen, dining room, living room, family room, and three bedrooms.
All with ridiculous ceilings.
I now have three bathrooms, a bedroom and MAYBE a laundry room left.
Good job, chickie!
For those of us (me) who have painted more rooms than she cares to remember, we call it “cutting in” instead of “trimming.” Potato/potahto.
I absolutely despise painting (hate! HATE!) but I love the drastic change that it gives a room. But I’m done. For this house at least.
I dunno, I think over three houses there is a good chance I’ve painted more rooms than God.
And I’m still not done with this one.
My worst painting experience was in our previous house. I used the same color in the living room and the dining room. It was only after they were both done that I said to my husband — the walls? They look yellow!
The look of panic on his face was priceless.
Once that look faded (a few months), I broke the news. And we repainted. (Talk about taping… crown molding, seven windows, baseboards… it was nutty-kookoo.)
Soooo, you’re still not done with this house? You want me to help????? Because we’re in the midst of an ice storm, so I can come there right now if you’d like.
I have three bathrooms and a bedroom left.
In our very first house I painted the kitchen four separate times in the 5 years we lived there. Jared was NOT happy with me and is always a little leery now.
But I think the worst painting experience was probably the red office I did. Red walls that required 6 coats of paint. When I was pregnant. And got sick. And ended up having to have Jared do the entire thing himself.
Then I couldn’t use the office afterwards because the smell always made me sick.
LMAO!!!!!!! @ the kitchen painting. BRUTAL!
My guest room is a deep, deep red. Even without being pregnant and/or sick, I know that’s an awful job.
Well, it looks like you did a fabulous job in your entryway — you’re on the road to becoming a professional painter, it appears.
I’ve always wanted the high ceilings. Maybe not so much now . . . I’m glad you like your new white. I tried that and ended up with what can only be called light yellow. I steadfastly refuse to call it that and refer to it as “cream” because I don’t want to paint it again any time soon.
oh it is definitely, absolutely light yellow up in here
But don’t tell anyone I said that.
See that whole taping and trimming bit?
That’s why I hire people to do that kind of thing. It looks really good though.
What are your rates?
Roughly one plane ticket.
Or two.
Did you only put one coat of paint on?
Yeah. It has a few spots that need touch up. ANNNND could probably use another coat, also. But that means that the family room would ALSO need another coat and – meh – it’s fine.
Everyone should take pictures of their husband’s ass for the internet.
Oh, and nice walls.
I couldn’t agree more!
(About the ass and the Internet)
Jared’s kinda hot…I hadn’t noticed before…musta been all that shirt he’s normally wearing…
he does like the shirts
You mean my new house won’t be new forever? Crap.
Looks great!
Damn, and I hate to be the one to break it to you, too.
Although – my house still FEELS new to me. It’s just not new enough to be an excuse for lots and lots of white flat paint anymore.
Good thing I picked ‘latte’ and some other stupid brownish beigeish colour then!
Yeah, I’m not sure what moron picked “do it all in flat ass white!” for this place.
If I was ever captured and tortured, they only need make me tape walls for painting.
It does suck ass.
You must have missed my posts during our home construction projects where I surmised that the inventor of wallpaper is probably Satan and can SUCK IT.
Oh yes, wallpaper is clearly the offspring of Lucifer.
I am sorry, but that new color is clearly cream and not white. It really warms up the space. Good job.
You are officially my new favorite person. Spouses and children be damned!
We are building walls in our unfinished basement at the moment, so painting is in the near future for me.
However, we tend to go with less muted colors than you chose. We picked bright orange for the living room, dark maroon for the bedroom, blue and orange with red accents for boy’s room and a whole painted flower garden for the girl’s room.
Maybe I should take pointers from you and just take pics of Dear Hubby’s ass while he paints next time.
My kitchen is gold, my family room red, my living room green, and the guest room is metallic copper.
But you gotta have SOME neutral in there somewhere to hook it all up! LOL
I believe I had a comment, but I am now mezmerized by the new comment toy…
Um, oh yeah! This reminds me of the “Navajo White” I painted our first house with. Totally different than the “crap white” the builders use. Totally.
Crap = flat = black streaks all up and down your walls.
There is a huge difference between those two colors. The cream color brings in a lot of warmth where the white was so stark. Do you think you needed to paint on that particular day just to keep yourself excessively busy? I get involved in projects when I don’t want to think about something.
Um, I don’t know. I kind of feel like I’m nesting right now or something.
It looks very nice. How long did it take?? I have a whole house to paint here soon – ugh!
Hmmm… it took about 4 hours total I think. And that’s including most of the clean up.
Wow that’s all? You must work fast. I can’t recall ever painting that quickly including tape and clean up.
Unfortunately, I have a ton of experience.
And? It desperately needs another coat. Shhhh.
I’m tired just from the pictures… I do like the results, though.
Thanks
I think that’s a lovely complement to your other colors and much warmer than the plain old white.
I might have to call on your expertise when we paint the kitchen tiles. With metallic finish paint.
Oh hell yeah I’m gonna blog it;-)
You’re painting kitchen tiles? Like, on the FLOOR????
No –the wall between the cabinets and the counter–it’s hideous white tile with a Delft(ish) blue pattern—far too cutesy for my taste.
I want to paint the tiles to look like copper until we can save the bucks to put in granite etc.
Oh THAT will be fun.
Looks like you had fun and it turned out nice!
I don’t know if you’re using the word “fun” correctly…
Probably not!
LOL
I can’t wait to redecorate! I love what you did, it looks awesome
I love how easily impressed you are.
Thanks!
Looks great!
Oh, and the paint job looks good too.
And? Try removing wallpaper and then sanding and taping and cutting in and painting and resanding and repainting and all the fruckin’ TAPE EVERYWHERE.
whew.
Oh. Um. I’m going to have to pass on all that. That sounds like a LOT of work.
AND THE PRIMER….can’t forget the damn PRIMER.
Clearly, I’m retarded.
Oh, how painting can suck ass. How sore are the backs of your legs from teetering on the ladder?
My legs are fabulous!
I don’t get on the ladder. My neck and back and whining muscles get too sore if I do. Jared works on a ladder so it doesn’t bother him at all.
I’ve painted 14′ ceilings before. I know.
Looks great!
*solidarity chest thump*
Thanks, mah sistah.
OK, seriously, Jared looks far better up on a ladder than my husband.
Tell Ty-Man to take his shirt off.
Yaaaaay! You’re back! I know you were technically back like..3 posts ago, but..you’re back!
Are the walls yellow now? I keep seeing yellow walls everywhere. I love them.
They are.. um.. a bit yellowish. Yes. And the kitchen walls are a bit.. um.. let’s call it “gold”.
I’ve commented my feelings on your hubby before but can I just reiterate?
HUBBBA HUBBAAAAA!
And well, “WOW!”
*The above wow was actually about the high celings and all the painting and not one word of almost killing each other or divorcing (or almost divorcing) after such a big job. Which is almost what happened when my dear husband and I took on the same project about four years ago.
*sigh*
THIS is why I can’t convince him to grovel at my feet in gratitude, isn’t it?
It just makes me want to paint. I’ve actually been wanting to do something with my room for awhile. I’m thinking something with black and white photos. Yup.
My stepmom is going to make a wall border out of black and white photos. It will be awesome!
Oh man…
I’d give ANYTHING to live in a house without Wall Scum.
ANYTHING.
Dude, you should seriously consider soap and water. Promise.
Ha! So confident, and so practical… But mere soap and water will never be enough to clean the whiskey and tear stains off THESE walls!
Could I move in with you guys for a little while, say maybe a year or two? Three tops.
Oh! That I can’t wait to see.
I am a single mom. WHAT paint job?
hahahahahhahahhaa
It took us 3 days to tape and putty our walls, and then it took my husband about 15 minutes to paint it with spray gun……that was 3 months ago……..still no trim……….and I picked out this wall color because I wanted a room that wasn’t white, I wanted bold….it is pumpkin-fuckin-orange..no kidding
we have a spray painter – and i won’t let Jared use it in the house.
I’m such a bitch.
I have only ever in my life seen blue painter’s tape. What the fuck is this green stuff?
It’s new! It’s called Frog tape, or something. It actually worked much better – no bleeding, no sticking.
I learned two things from this post:
1. Based on the perspective of the images, Britt is incredibly short.
2. Her husband has significantly less body hair than Avitable.
Miss-Britt.com: entertaining AND informational!
Just under 5’2
Ohmygod. I *hate* trim. I helped my girlfriend do her entire HOUSE including the BABY’S ROOM with the RANDOM BIT OF DETAIL WORK IN THE MIDDLE THAT HAD TO BE TRIMMED. Ahem. I’m shouting. And taping sucks, too.
It looks great, though!
Damn. You’re a better friend than me!
Now you are like an expert at it and shit, come over my place. My husbands dog house needs repainting. Cause he is spending a butt load of time in there now. Might as well make it comfortable
And you’re going to repaint it for him? You’re a better wife than I am.
I’d be disconnecting the utilities.
A task I am gladly divorced from.
Any more walls needing to be painted in life will be painted by people we pay.
Jared and I come from a long line of Midwestern cheapskates. He’d sooner die than pay someone to paint. LOL
I love the way the rear shot on the ladder he has glasses on then for the full frontal pose he takes them off
I lurve what uv done to the place btw
I wondered if anyone would notice that.
And people say *I’m* vain!
Love the vanity of your ladder painter dude and the removal of his eyewear.
I made my husband paint four rooms in this house in the past couple months. He says he’s on strike and will never paint again, but I bet if I give it six months, he’ll get all gung-ho about it again and I can get my bedroom painted. I have to do all the taping and trimming, so it’s not like he does the REAL work. Right?
Ah, yeah, they always threaten to go on strike.
Then it’s 10 o’clock at night and the room is half painted and you’re crying and…
they always come back.
Britt-
Great coverage (no pun intended) and since when do they make green painters tape? I’ve always seen blue…
This was the first time I’d seen the green painter’s tape. It’s called “Frog Tape” – or something. It worked much better than the blue tape.
No bleeding. No sticking when I pulled it off.
Nice paint job. And that ball of tape at the end…. gotta save that for a future blog entry. Bound to find some use for it (maybe for that boy you got to tape the walls)
I dunno. Looks pretty white to me.