This not another post about Twilight.
But if you’re absolutely sick of all the Twilight buzz, I am going to ask you to just bear with me for a moment as I give you a little bit of necessary background information which is relevant to the rest of this discussion.
In a nutshell:
Bella loves Edward.
Edward loves Bella.
Jacob also loves Bella.
Jacob is the epitome of the nice guy.
While Edward is the love of Bella’s life, he also causes her pain. Jacob, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to take care of Bella. He’s safe.
Who should Bella choose?
This is a question that fans of the Twilight series have been debating heatedly for some time now. Of course, I just recently became aware of the phenomenon so had no interest in (or knowledge of) the Team Edward vs. Team Jacob rivalry.
What I do know – what I have known very well since I was about 16 years old – is what it feels like to be trapped between a man you love and a man who insists you should love them, if you knew what was “good for you”.
I know what it is to be Bella.
I know what it is to make sure the nices guy finish last.
And I’d like to plead our case, if I may. Because Lord knows that the nice guy has had more than ample consideration and sympathy.
First, I am not a tease. Or a trollop. Befriending someone is not being a tease. Being open with someone is not being a tease. Letting someone get close to you is not being a tease. Telling someone that you care about them as your friend is not being a fucking tease.
Why do I have to be held accountable for someone else not being able to distinguish between friendship and romance?
Secondly, yes – actually – I do appreciate nice guys. Nice guys (and their supporters) like to bitch that “girls just don’t realize what they have”. Um, no. Actually. I value my friendships very much, thank you. I appreciate having someone in my life that I care about and that cares about me. I even appreciate knowing that there are people out there who would go “above and beyond” for me – whether I need it or not.
Just because I don’t want to screw you doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you.
And you know what? It sucks for women like me to have our friendships snatched away or made painfully complicated because we don’t love who you think we’re supposed to. Because you decide to change the rules and I don’t follow along, suddenly I’m the bitch who breaks the “nice guy’s” heart.
We can’t help who we love.
Sure, we could succumb to our guilt and reward the person who seems most eager to work for our affections. But who does that benefit? Is it fair to the “nice guy” to find himself committed to someone who chose him as some bizarre act of martyrdom? Is it fair to the girl who settles for the safe choice instead of the person who makes her stomach dance?
And what about The Other Guy? You know, the one who no one deems “worthy” or “deserving” of the girl’s love, but who she loves Just Because Of Who He Is, not based on some merit system. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of all this love bullshit anyway?
Is this not the most rambling, poorly written pile of crap you have ever read in your life?
Could I change perspectives and pronouns one more time before trying to wrap this up?
I don’t think so.
ANYway, my point here is that Bella – er – The Girl hasn’t set out to hurt anyone. And also that no one seems to realize how painful it can be to have a friend fall in love with you. We’re all well aware of the bitch that is unrequited love, but being on the other side of that is no banquet of roses either.
And now we’re resorting to bad cliches.
Seriously though – which team are you?
Do you empathize with The Nice Guy (aka Team Jacob)?
Or are you rooting for the love that doesn’t make sense but just Is (aka Team Edward)?
Or do you totally hate the idea of anyone ever having to make that choice through no fucking fault of their own (aka Team Bri- uh Bella)?