Nice Guys Finish Last, Go Team Edward, And This Is A Literary Pile Of Poo. Yay.

Friday, December 5th, 2008

This not another post about Twilight.

Not exactly.

But if you’re absolutely sick of all the Twilight buzz, I am going to ask you to just bear with me for a moment as I give you a little bit of necessary background information which is relevant to the rest of this discussion.

In a nutshell:

Bella loves Edward.
Edward loves Bella.
Jacob also loves Bella.

Jacob is the epitome of the nice guy.

While Edward is the love of Bella’s life, he also causes her pain. Jacob, on the other hand, wants nothing more than to take care of Bella. He’s safe.

Who should Bella choose?

This is a question that fans of the Twilight series have been debating heatedly for some time now. Of course, I just recently became aware of the phenomenon so had no interest in (or knowledge of) the Team Edward vs. Team Jacob rivalry.

What I do know – what I have known very well since I was about 16 years old – is what it feels like to be trapped between a man you love and a man who insists you should love them, if you knew what was “good for you”.

I know what it is to be Bella.
I know what it is to make sure the nices guy finish last.

And I’d like to plead our case, if I may. Because Lord knows that the nice guy has had more than ample consideration and sympathy.

First, I am not a tease. Or a trollop. Befriending someone is not being a tease. Being open with someone is not being a tease. Letting someone get close to you is not being a tease. Telling someone that you care about them as your friend is not being a fucking tease.

Why do I have to be held accountable for someone else not being able to distinguish between friendship and romance?

Secondly, yes – actually – I do appreciate nice guys. Nice guys (and their supporters) like to bitch that “girls just don’t realize what they have”. Um, no. Actually. I value my friendships very much, thank you. I appreciate having someone in my life that I care about and that cares about me. I even appreciate knowing that there are people out there who would go “above and beyond” for me – whether I need it or not.

Just because I don’t want to screw you doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you.

And you know what? It sucks for women like me to have our friendships snatched away or made painfully complicated because we don’t love who you think we’re supposed to. Because you decide to change the rules and I don’t follow along, suddenly I’m the bitch who breaks the “nice guy’s” heart.

We can’t help who we love.

Sure, we could succumb to our guilt and reward the person who seems most eager to work for our affections. But who does that benefit? Is it fair to the “nice guy” to find himself committed to someone who chose him as some bizarre act of martyrdom? Is it fair to the girl who settles for the safe choice instead of the person who makes her stomach dance?

And what about The Other Guy? You know, the one who no one deems “worthy” or “deserving” of the girl’s love, but who she loves Just Because Of Who He Is, not based on some merit system. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of all this love bullshit anyway?

Is this not the most rambling, poorly written pile of crap you have ever read in your life?

Could I change perspectives and pronouns one more time before trying to wrap this up?

I don’t think so.

ANYway, my point here is that Bella – er – The Girl hasn’t set out to hurt anyone. And also that no one seems to realize how painful it can be to have a friend fall in love with you. We’re all well aware of the bitch that is unrequited love, but being on the other side of that is no banquet of roses either.

And now we’re resorting to bad cliches.

Ahem.

Seriously though – which team are you?

Do you empathize with The Nice Guy (aka Team Jacob)?

Or are you rooting for the love that doesn’t make sense but just Is (aka Team Edward)?

Or do you totally hate the idea of anyone ever having to make that choice through no fucking fault of their own (aka Team Bri- uh Bella)?

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  1. Finn says:

    There’s something wrong with me today because this nearly made me cry.

    I’ve lived this; it sucks ass. And it hurts the Bella as well. Deeply. Because she has to consider everyone’s feelings. And usually ends up losing them both. *sigh*

  2. Team Edward. No question.
    And well-written- like most, I’ve gone through the guilt of not being in love with the nice guy who was in love with me…it really does suck on both ends.

  3. Frankie says:

    Totally team Edward. I know what its like to love the one your not supposed to. The one you can’t turn away from. The one love that is intoxicating to the point it will ruin your life as you know it. Yup been there done that got squished and I am now with the “nice guy” Not that he existed to me when I was with my “Edward” but ya know. Sometimes you learn the hard way. BTW that kind of intoxicating love never fades.. Its there to stay and rip you apart at varying moments in your life.

  4. Robin says:

    i’ve almost always chosen the nice guy, the unappreciated guy. i love the underdog. nobody was more unappreciated and an underdog than my husband was when i met him. what that says about me? i don’t know. i also love Ross (although you could consider he’s not the underdog, Joey was), Noel (epitome of an underdog), Brian from My So-Called Life and so on. i just like them, they are the best friends and the ones that really get you, that see beyond everything and lov you for just who you are. imo.

  5. Gina says:

    I wrote a similar post sometime back about finding it difficult to locate men with whom I could have platonic friendships – men who didn’t crush on me or try to get into my pants when all I sought was friendship.

    I think you said it all very well here. We are not teases and by being nice, open, and caring for someone (as a friend) does not make someone a tease, dammit. I am glad that I am not the only one who deals with this and thanks for speaking up on it too. Hear, hear!

  6. NYCWD says:

    I’m Team Jacob.

    Us doormats for unrequited love nice guys need to stick together.

    That’s how we roll.

  7. Amanda says:

    I’m on team Edward, but I do think Bella led Jacob on a bit. She knew what she was doing and still didn’t stay away from him,

  8. I’m in the middle of “New Moon.” And I’ve been there, with The Nice Guy and The One that Just Was. I went with The One and 7 years and many ups and downs later, he is still The One. But I can’t say haven’t wondered about what my life would be like if I had chosen The Nice Guy.

  9. “First, I am not a tease. Or a trollop. Befriending someone is not being a tease. Being open with someone is not being a tease. Letting someone get close to you is not being a tease. Telling someone that you care about them as your friend is not being a fucking tease.” THANK YOU

    Team Edward.

    Jacob was NOT a nice guy. Nice guys don’t threaten to kill themselves just so that you will choose them. If he were a NICE guy he wouldn’t force her to choose and he sure as shit wouldn’t play that fucking girly guilt trip / pity party so damned often.

    By the middle of the third book, I hated Jacob so much that if I could reach into the book and rip out his throat – I totally would have.

    ::ahem:: No issues here – moving along.

  10. At different points in my life, I’ve been both guys. The paradox lies in the fact that one persona tends to draw the attraction, while another is expected if she’s going to let the guy stay around. So, I decided “fuck it, I’m going to be an asshole and see what happens.” It doesn’t work past 29, though.

  11. melanie says:

    I have always been on Team Edward. Jacob is a cry baby and his little guilt trips are unnecessary. And even though things are complicated with Edward, I would take the passion anyday.

    Anyway, the Team Edward/Team Jacob wraps up very nicely in the last book.

  12. PaintingChef says:

    While I can’t relate to the Twilight aspect of this one… I’m one of the few holdouts… I do know what you mean about the nice guys. For so very many years, I had the nice guys as friends but they just didn’t understand that I wasn’t attracted to them. I even tried to MAKE myself have feelings for a few of them because oh how much easier would my life have been at the time if the boys weren’t always breaking my heart.

    And then eventually… I just fell in love with one of them. It hit me like a ton of bricks. So I married that guy before he knew what had hit him…

  13. Gemini says:

    Gosh you know this is an interesting question for me…

    When it comes to the story of Twilight, I am all for Team Edward all the way but it is also because I know the turn out of the story…

    In real life for me I think that I have been in several different positions in this scenario.

    I have been the Bella in love with the guy that no one thinks is good enough for her and had the “friend” that was in love with her supporting and urging her to leave the love of her life… (At the time that is what I felt… kids… lol)

    I have been the nice guy/girl… that was friends with the guy and so in love but he liked the “bad” girl and not me…

    I think that even at one time I was the “bad” girl that had the love of a guy that had the nice girl waiting in the wings that was is friend but loved him…

    I guess the point of it is you really can’t blame any of them for the way that they feel…

    As the saying goes… “You can’t choose who you Love, it just happens.” Even if you are the “bad” guy/girl the object of the affection or the “nice” guy/girl, make sense?

    I think that this is the most that I have ever said on your blog Britt… ok back to lurking. ;)

    Gemini

  14. Dawn says:

    The whole Twilight theme made me zone out, so I’m not sure that I’ve totally got the gist of the question but:

    I always liked the bad boys. I always went out with the bad boys. But I married the nice boy.

    I don’t know what team that puts me on because I’m Twilight-impaired.

  15. “Sure, we could succumb to our guilt and reward the person who seems most eager to work for our affections. But who does that benefit? Is it fair to the “nice guy” to find himself committed to someone who chose him as some bizarre act of martyrdom? Is it fair to the girl who settles for the safe choice instead of the person who makes her stomach dance?”
    damn, you hit that nail hard on the head. well said!

    i’m all for love and following your heart. sometimes the heart leads to the nice guy, sometimes the heart leads to the bad guy. guess that means i am team bella? or that i am a selfish bitch?

    p.s. “banquet” of roses?? hehe

  16. Faiqa says:

    Am I a total sociopath for laughing my ass off during this whole post?
    I am, forever, on Team Bri-Bella.

  17. Anonymous says:

    a man who insists you should love them, if you knew what was “good for you”.

    That says it all. And that seems to be what the so called ‘nice guys’ always fall back on. He makes it sound as if he doing the women of the world a favor by making himself available to them.

    Fuck that.

    I’ll take the guy who makes mistakes, and admits he’s just as flawed as I am.

  18. Honeybell says:

    a man who insists you should love them, if you knew what was “good for you”.

    That says it all. And that seems to be what the so called ‘nice guys’ always fall back on. He makes it sound as if he doing the women of the world a favor by making himself available to them.

    Fuck that.

    I’ll take the guy who makes mistakes, and admits he’s just as flawed as I am.

  19. Mona Mildew says:

    I too have been on both sides. Having a number of male friends that wanted something different, but there was no attraction and being so in love with someone who did not feel the same for me. It sucks.

    I also chose the good guy instead of continuing to look for the one that made my heart flutter, and now neither of us are very happy.

  20. Patrick D. says:

    Okay, so I haven’t read these books or seen the movie. I was considering it, but the estrogen-fest it has turned into and every picture of the metrosexual, emo vampire have made me pass, thanks.

    But as I just said on Twitter, is ‘Twilight’ just a rehash of ‘Pretty In Pink’? No, Ducky isn’t going to get the girl. That’s just the way it is, Jacob.

    Women dump all over the nice guy because they think they need to change/save the bad guy and they can change him. Didn’t you see season six of BTVS? You know how those relationships end.

    The bad guy will keep being bad, you’ll get frustrated and wonder why you wasted six years and two kids on this guy and you’ll leave.

    Nice guy will probably still be there if he hasn’t found someone who can actually love and appreciate him and not seeing being nice as weakness.

  21. Melizzard says:

    Funny I always kind of thought Jacob was the ass and Edward was the nice guy.

    The only thing Jacob ever had going for him i my eyes was the whole warm vs cold thing. I seriously can’t stand cold.

    Then Jacob turned out to be Sharkboy and that just made thinking about him that way icky.. cause Sharkboy and LavaGirl play in my house about 10 times a week right now. There is a reason child stars disappear for years before making comebacks..

    Okay this wasn’t what you were really talking about at all was it..

  22. Kelley says:

    I just wanted Jacob to disappear! During that whole time when Edward was gone, I got SO bored. I think I actually skimmed for something interesting.

  23. J... says:

    In the real world, I choose the nice guys almost every time. I am an underdog kind of girl. They just get to me.

    But…I am Team Edward all the fricking way. The amount of tension that lies between Bella and Edward is not something to be taken lightly, let alone ignored. She would just be miserable and always wonder if she chose Jacob.

    Love is love…and a part of that is being okay with falling in love with “the wrong person”.

  24. Avitable says:

    I guess it takes a certain type of maturity to take the nice guy, not the rollercoaster guy that you love or hate, depending on the minute.

  25. I know how you feel. I’m tired of having to beat all of you off with a stick. Christ, I’m not a piece of meat. Can’t we just debate the DH rule over a beer without you getting all up inside my relaxed fits?

  26. adam -
    my “not the good guy” has never been a roller coaster, never been a love or hate thing. i think they can be not good for us without us being on a roller coaster.

  27. Edward – OH GOD EDWARD!

    No question. I’m hot for a lower reading level, tween chick-lit fictional sparkly vampire.

    I guess it must be reasonably well written, given that last sentence I wrote.

    I just want my husband to bite me…

    Edward.

  28. twinkie says:

    I’ve found that usually the “nice guy” is too damned clingy and annoying. Give me my space, bro!

    Seriously.

    If I tell you I’m gonna call you and I don’t, don’t show up at my doorstep with flowers asking if you did anything to upset me.

    Also, don’t call me twenty times a day.

    We women get accused of being too clingy but when a guy does it all of a sudden he’s Mr. Nice Guy.

  29. Rachael says:

    Team Edward. I’m sorry, but it’s just too deep & also… HOT to ignore. Jacob is nice, but it’s just not the same.

  30. Honeybell says:

    Adam, I think my point is there are nice guys, and bad guys in sheep’s clothing. While many times we as women can tell the difference, friends and family cannot. So we bear the brunt of making choices others don’t understand.

    The ‘nice’ guys I’ve had to break ties with were wonderful men on the surface. But I knew that in reality it was much more about how I made them feel, rather than any true feelings they had about me.

    I would much rather be in a relationship with love and passion than passive amicability.

  31. In my opinion, love isn’t something you can make yourself do. You either do or you don’t. It doesn’t always make sense who you love, the guy who is perfect for you on paper might not be in real life. And that is ok. As long as you do not mislead anyone, it is not your fault if they do not believe your words and instead choose to hope what they want is true despite what you have made clear.

    And I think you and I might be the same person sometimes because I totally get this.

  32. Hilly says:

    It takes maturity to go with the right guy, not just the nice guy.

    In this case, Jacob is a little boy who stomps his feet and forces what he wants because *he* believes that he is better for her. He knows what *she* wants and if he really loved her, he would just let that be. Like others have said, you can’t force someone to love you…either they do or they don’t.

    Edward, while not your traditional nice guy, would have allowed Jacob to father Bella’s baby at one point, just so that he could take away her pain and suffering. Edward was always willing to do what was best for Bella, even when that meant walking away.

    Now tell me who’s the better man?

    The nice guy, while nice, is not always the best choice.

  33. Miss Britt says:

    Finn: oh sweetie, don’t take this the wrong way, but – do you have PMS?

    Princess of the Universe: the guilt. Oy the guilt.

    Frankie: or change you completely – and not in a bad way.

    Robin: which is awesome – and those guys should go be with someone who, like you, gets that and falls in love with THAT.

    I would never, ever be able to fall in love with someone like that.

    Gina : I have had lots of platonic friendships with men. I think if you have enough of them though, odds are eventually you’ll run into this scenario.

    NYCWD: no – what you NEED to do is find someone who appreciates you no matter what you do or don’t do for them.

    Oh. Wait. LOOK HOW WELL THAT IS WORKING OUT FOR YOU!!

    Ahem.

    Amanda: because they were FRIENDS first. It’s really, really hard to walk away from a friend. The all or nothing part hurts like hell.

    ballerinatoes: it would be boring as fuck.

    Sheila (Charm School Reject):

    “Jacob was NOT a nice guy. Nice guys don’t threaten to kill themselves just so that you will choose them. If he were a NICE guy he wouldn’t force her to choose and he sure as shit wouldn’t play that fucking girly guilt trip / pity party so damned often.”

    A-fucking-MEN!

    Father Muskrat: heh, yeah, my husband can attest to that.

    melanie: agreed – not that we’re giving any spoilers!!!

    PaintingChef: that’s exactly what happened with Jared. Exactly. Except he never pulled the “nice guy” bullshit with me. Never pushed himself on me. Ever. It took four years for me to see him as the one – but I would never have gotten there if he’d have pushed.

    Of course, once you marry them it’s a wholllleeeeee ‘nother ball of wax. :-)

    Gemini: you can’t help who you love says it all I think. I suppose for all parties involved.

    Dawn: if anyone asks, you can probably tell them you’re team jacob. You’re welcome.

    hello haha narf: and sometimes it’s not even a bad guy. I love how nice guys always paint the other guy out to be some raving asshole if they aren’t doting.

    Faiqa: I don’t know if that makes you a sociopath or not.

    I may have to hear the details on this laughter before I decide….

    Honeybell: “I’ll take the guy who makes mistakes, and admits he’s just as flawed as I am.”

    Me too. I don’t need another father, thank you very much.

    Mona Mildew: “I also chose the good guy instead of continuing to look for the one that made my heart flutter, and now neither of us are very happy.” Oh man, that’s painful. I’m sorry.

    Patrick D.: like I told Becky though – the other guy isn’t necessarily a “bad guy” either. They just seem to get painted that way.

    Melizzard: me too! I was so freaking annoyed with him the whole time!!

    Kelley: I’m with you. That second book was rough for me.

    J…: and misery is a sucky thing for anyone to live with forever.

    Avitable: I think it takes a certain amount of courage to risk the down times for actually feeling alive.

    always home and uncool: how cool would I look if I told you that I know what that “the DH rule” is a baseball reference?

    hello haha narf: and I think they can be “not the nice guy” and still be good for us.

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

    twinkie: this comment was so perfect I twittered it.

    Rachael: it’s just not the same. Exactly. It doesn’t make the guy you choose “wrong” or “bad”.

    Honeybell: “in reality it was much more about how I made them feel, rather than any true feelings they had about me.”

    Exactly.

    radioactivegirltori: do you have a birthmark on your inner thigh?

    Hilly: exactly. “Nice guys” like to insist they’re doing it FOR YOU – but only as long as it fits their definition of what is good for you.

    And that aint about you at all.

  34. Janelle says:

    Life would be soooooooo much easier if we could just pick who we fell in love with, right?

    Having not read the books (ahem, waiting to win them!) but by going by everyone’s comments it seems as if Jacob isn’t/wasn’t the right guy for Bella. It’s not because he is the “nice” guy. Jacob just doesn’t seem to be “the one” for Bella. Again, not having read the books and just reading a few comments on this post.

    Like you told me the other night, you have to make the next move that is right for you. Key words “right for you.” So, no matter what Bri- uh Bella does, I hope it’s right for her.

  35. Gina says:

    @Britt:

    Sometimes it is the mutual friends said platonic male friend and I have that don’t seem to get that men and women are sometimes JUST friends and cannot understand that a man and a woman CAN hang out one-on-one as just friends. Grr.

  36. NYCWD says:

    Uhh… you do realize I chose the nice girl… right???

    And yeah… it’s pretty fucking great.

  37. SciFi Dad says:

    Coincidence? http://xkcd.com/513/

    I cannot choose a “team” because I don’t know the characters. From some of the comments, both guys are assholes to a degree.

    I don’t think you can help who you love.

    I found when I was in my early 20s in university that my female friends always wanted me to find “someone”, just not them. I have one recollection of a room mate who actually tried to set me up with a friend of hers who ended up having a boyfriend, but otherwise, they were rooting for me from the sidelines.

    I had crushes on friends (some knew, some didn’t) who dated assholes, and yeah it frustrated me to watch them fail in relationship after relationship while I was in the wings. Did I think they were teases for being my friend even if they knew I was interested? No. Did I resent *them* for *my* feelings? No.

    Once I left my school days behind, I figured out the “secret”: a balance of both. I have an asshole/jerk side; I just saved it for guys who needed an ass kicking – I never let girls see it. I only let them see the kinder side. Once I became more of a mix of nice and not so nice, I got the response I was looking for.

    Women are messed up.

  38. Maria says:

    SQQQQQQUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *lol*

  39. Robin says:

    I am on Team Jacob. Nice guys always finish 1st with me. :)

  40. This is why men and women have a hard time being friends. At some point, it ends up being about relationships… the ones we want versus the ones we have, and how the other person always wants the exact opposite.

    What. The. Fuck.

    Wow. That sounded almost as convoluted as what you wrote!

    Oh…. and you are very pretty today.(Can my daughter have the book now??)

  41. The Bug says:

    Totally Team Edward. They BOTH love eachother…how can that be wrong? I’ve been on the Bella side of this and it SUCKS ASS, no doubt, but you can’t help feelings that you DON’T have.

  42. Stephanie says:

    @Blondefabulous: This quote: “This is why men and women have a hard time being friends. At some point, it ends up being about relationships… the ones we want versus the ones we have, and how the other person always wants the exact opposite.”

    Was not convoluted at all…was eactly what I was going to say.

  43. Karl says:

    Yeah, this is SO not about “Twilight.” Not sure what it IS about, but I know that much.

    That said, I think all three protagonists – Bella, Edward, and Jacob – are assholes in their own way. They’re all selfish, and I think Bella is the worst of them.

    She loves them both? What kind of horseshit is that? Cut one of them loose and be done with it. No, instead she makes out with Jacob after already claiming her stake in Edward and committing to him.

    One big dysfunctional mess that is frustrating me more and more as I continue on with the final book. Course, in for a penny, in for a pound, so I’ll finish it. Even though it’s the REAL pile of literary poo. I’d never put you in the same ballpark. :)

    One final note: love is a choice you make, not an emotion. It’s hardly ever easy, but you choose who to commit to and you stick to that commitment. That’s love. It’s not something you “fall into.”

    Course, who the hell knows that at 18?

  44. karl and i feel very, VERY differently about love. although i should clarify that love has many facets: the love i feel for my aunt is different than the love i feel for britt and different still from the love i have for a man who i consider to be “the one” who i want to spend the rest of my life with.

    that being said, i gotta fall in order to make a commitment. definitely must fall.

  45. hehe…says the single girl!

  46. MomBabe says:

    SO Team Edward. Jacob needs to back the f*ck off.

  47. Bobbird3131 says:

    I took Team Jacob once and that turned out very badly. The rest of my life I have taken Team Edward. Some times that was very painful but it was always exciting. Excitement wins out for me every time.

  48. Kimberly says:

    Team Edward ALL THE FUCKING WAY

  49. liquid says:

    it doesn’t matter how ‘good for you’ someone is (or thinks they are) if the passion isn’t there, the relationship will fail anyway.

    also, jacob was creepy jerk

  50. Karl says:

    Hello – Of course there are different kinds of love. I was talking about romantic love. Those who say you don’t choose who you love are deluding themselves. Most of the time they’re really talking about physical attraction/chemistry, not love. YMMV, of course.

  51. I think that you can choose who you love in a round about way. You choose to be with someone and, if you’re lucky, your relationship grows and you fall in love.

    I don’t think age has anything to do with it – unless your thirteen talking about how in love with someone you are. ::shudder::

  52. Turnbaby says:

    I’m on Team Becky;-)

  53. twinkie says:

    ooh la la … I’ve never been Twittered before. I like it! I like it ALOT!

  54. Hilly says:

    Love can’t always be a choice. We don’t choose who we love. It’s the commitment that’s the actual choice.

    So, I’m on Team Becky too. :)

  55. Janelle says:

    oooo I love what Hilly said,

    “Love can’t always be a choice. We don’t choose who we love. It’s the commitment that’s the actual choice.”

    Perfectly said.

  56. Finn says:

    LOL. No, I don’t think so. But I may have to adjust my medication. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.

    And yes, Hilly. That’s exactly it.

  57. Turnbaby says:

    Spot on Miss Hilly—Team Becky RAWKS!

  58. Crystal says:

    It’s totally true that we can’t help who we fall in love with. If that were the case, I would never have fallen head over heels for a guy who was 4000 miles away, in another country, who was also in love with a girl twice that distance away in yet *another* country. Because fuck, immigration bullshit is insane and expensive.

    I’m on Team-Edward in regards to the books. I understand where people are coming from when they say that they think that Edward is clingy, but in my eyes I think Jacob is even worse simply because it’s unwanted/unreciprocated clinginess.

  59. how about * I * have a team??!?! woot!

  60. Karl says:

    I respectfully disagree. We totally choose who we love. If we choose to love someone that’s “bad” for us, then that says something about us. Love isn’t something you stumble into like an accident. Course, I don’t believe in accidents, either, but that’s a whole other kettle of worms.

  61. karl, do you believe in love at first sight?

  62. Sarcastica says:

    Oh. My. Gawd.
    I get this, I got Twilight because of this. I have been going through the exact same thing; when I was falling for my boyfriend, my best friend (who happened to be a guy) was doing everything he could to get me to not be with my boyfriend. He kept up the same attitude that Jacob has in the book. It was crazy weird.
    I appreciate my best friend, and since then we’ve worked things out and he accepts that I can never love him the way he wants me too.

    I sympathize for the nice guy, but I believe you should follow your heart. You cant make your heart love someone else just because he’s the “nice guy” and the “safest route”.

    I like that dance, no, I LOVE that dance.

  63. NYCWD says:

    Just because I have the need to kick the pot over…

    If in fact we do not choose who we love… then that would explain all the battered women who choose to stay with their abusers but it doesn’t explain the high divorce rate in this country.

    Who we fall in love with is a choice we make… but all too often the power of emotions and attraction overpower that of logic.

    However back to the whole Twilight bit… not for nothing but to cite the suicide moment and fail to acknowledge the fact that he in fact did put Bella’s welfare above his own feelings AND well being is a failure of understanding the human psyche when it comes to situations like that… which is the one thing I have to say I think the books hit pretty squarely on the head.

    Especially since the stories are really not about humans.

  64. Karl says:

    Hello – No, I don’t believe in love at first sight. Intense attraction? Sure. Love? No. Love takes time. It develops.

    NYCWD – precisely. It’s how we act based on our emotions and attraction that often gets us into trouble.

  65. Cris says:

    OK I have not read the books nor watched the movie. But are you saying it is more noble to screw the hot dude, even though EVERYTHING about him seems wrong and dangerous… Just because he gets your adrenalin pumping? As opposed to a guy who is willing to devote his life to you?

    And… by asking this, what I really mean is… if we weren’t both married you’d still totally do me, right? I mean, only if… right?

  66. pocket queen says:

    Well, I for one don’t get your Twilight obsession but I guess maybe I will once I see the movie. Anyway, all in all, I guess I’m team Edward (I’ve been there, and I did that..)

  67. 1) Does this mean you won’t make out with me if we have a “friend” sleepover?

    2) Christ Noth is a vampire? It all makes sense now.

  68. Poppy says:

    I kinda skipped that first line and then kept thinking, “this is a post about Twilight, right?”

    I gave in and dated a man who pursued me too hard because I was the object of his desire and he would not rest until I was his. It was not a good relationship. He could not handle it, and soon was cold and distant and broke things off with me after we had both become very depressed. So, I kinda wouldn’t recommend this.

    I have never specifically intended to have feelings for any person I’ve ever been with, but I did choose to act upon them.

    Unrequited love sucks.

    Ok, now that I’ve made incongruous sentences on your blog: Bye!

  69. vodkamom says:

    chemistry, baby. It’s all about the chemistry.

  70. Laura says:

    Team Edward all the way, baby.

    What Edward and Bella have is just too deep. What Jacob and Bella had.. developed as a residual of Bella’s pain from Edward leaving because he thought it was BEST FOR HER. It’s not the same encompassing, all consuming love. If Edward had never left would Jacob and Bella’s relationship have ever progressed past the friendship they already had? Nope.

    I’ve been there. I had the nice guy and the bad boy. I went with the bad boy and we’ve been together for 20 years now. Turns out he’s a pretty nice guy. ;) In my experience, they usually turn out to be the opposite from their appearance…the nice guy turns out to be a jerk underneath the outer facade and the bad boy turns out to have the soft, gooey center. Even now I have a nice guy that tried very hard for several years to lure me away from my bad boy. So, how nice is that?

  71. A) It is not a choice of one or the other. If both are faulty, fuck ‘em both.
    B) Nice guys do not finish last. Whiny little bitches do. I am married to a very nice guy. Not a whiny boy who complains all the time about not getting his way and can’t set limits, but a nice guy. Sadly, he knows how to say no to me. Maybe a ‘nice guy’ wouldn’t be all bad. Eh, who am I kidding, I’d walk all over a ‘nice guy.’
    C) Maybe some men who really are nice have to go through unrequited love/lust/crushes. Guess what, so do women. It has nothing to do with gender. Fuck a friend and move on.

  72. Tracy says:

    I am totally Team Edward. I love the rough, tough, tumble appeal of the bad boy… granted, I married the “typical nice guy” BUT He’s a good guy, through and through.

  73. I haven’t read them, but I’m dying over your midstream writing critique of your own post.

  74. [...] of Miss Britt’s post on “nice boys” it got me thinking about a few things. I thought about how it seems that [...]

  75. shavei7 says:

    Team EDWARD all the way.

    If you choose Team jacob, you’ll most likely spend the rest of your life wondering…’what if?’ and that sucks.

  76. shavei7 says:

    oh, and might I also add that Bella CAN’T LIVE without Edward and vice versa so… yeah…

  77. [...] night when I was at Tyla’s, we got into the Nice Guy [...]

  78. Deidre says:

    For Bella – I am totally on Team Edward. He makes her heart go pitter patter. But for me, and this isn’t the same as saying “if I were Bella”, I am on Team Jake – everytime I read about his warm burliness I get a little light headed.

    My bigger issue is that I always attract the same kind of guys: guys who don’t really make me laugh, who don’t remember details that are important to me, and worst of all don’t think I am that funny, and I am probably not – but laughing is important, even if it is more at me than with me…So oh wise Miss britt how do I fix that!

  79. Kristen says:

    This post just solidified in my mind the fact that you rock. I was just discussing this the other day with a friend who hated New Moon because she has never been in the position Bella was in and couldn’t understand what her problem was. Whereas, I could completely understand and therefore appreciate the book.

    I have been reading through your posts and I love your blog – you’re now a daily read for me!

  80. It’s all a matter of self-respect — or lack thereof — in both the nice guy and the girl in question.

    Nice Guys Finish Last (And They Don’t Deserve Your Sympathy)

    http://con.ca/a544

    “Explain to me exactly why the Nice Girl should get together with the Nice Guy. Because Nice Guy will treat her with respect? Ah, but you do that already, so there is no reason. The Jerk Boyfriend provides the fantastic sex and the thrill of being arrested with his stash when the cops kick in the door. The Nice Guy provides the sympathetic ear and bail money. She’s got two men fulfilling different roles. The arrangement is perfect, it doesn’t need fixing in her mind. Yeah, she kinda wishes that her boyfriend wouldn’t share needles, making it necessary for frequent visits to a walk-in clinic for the HIV test, but what the hey? Nice Guy is always there to drive her and hold her hand, and maybe even buy dinner afterwards.”

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