I have the best ideas ever.
Especially when it comes to my family.
For example, this weekend I had the brilliant idea to take family photos on the beach so that we could make our own Christmas cards this year.
This idea was made especially awesome by the fact that I figured there was no reason to ask anyone else along to help because I could just take the pictures myself using a tripod, automatic timer, and the continuous shooting mode on my camera.
The idea became exponentially fabulous when I discovered at the beach that my camera doesn’t actually do that. At all.
Thanks to my awesomely fabulous brilliant idea, our holiday cards are just about done and have been narrowed down to one of the following options:
Awesome
Awesomer
More Awesome
Awesomest
Oh – and they were finch eggs.
I would like to place an order for 20 copies of the “Fabulous Tits” card.
finch eggs! I wondered!
xoxo
My christmas cards last year said, and I am not kidding, “Snowflakes wouldn’t be so lovely if they were shaped like prostitutes.”
Yowsas. My vote is for “Mom’s Tits”. Now…for your next blog post…titilate us with “10 ways to make your boobies holiday card-worthy”. Cuz mine need help.
The 3rd one is a Scream! but if I got the last one in the mail, I’d be ROTFLMAO!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Those are GREAT. HEE HEE HEEEEEEEEEE! While your cleavage *is* admittedly utterly (I could have said “udderly,” but I didn’t) fabulous, “This Holiday, Send Weed.” had me rolling on the floor.
You crack me up. Clearly you need a secondary camera. What a shame: an excuse for a new toy!
I really like the placement of the yellow trash can in the last one – brilliant! ; )
I’m with Violet—that last one was hilarious! And finch eggs? Really? Not “magic eggs” from Mrs. Grass soup?
Too funny! Classic. I really think you need to go with #3. Pearls at the beach, though? Come on now, you should have pulled out the paua shells!
I so want the weed card…where do I send my address?
Go with #3…it’s what everyone is thinking.
This gave me a laugh. And I think all your friends and family members would appreciate the boobie card.
Go with the tits or weed options – both rawk!
That last one made me squawk
Fantastic cards!
Without your commentary, you would have had my sympathy. Thank you for the laugh.
Mom’s rack looks awesome in the third photo.
i love to start my day with laughter. this, my friend, was exactly what i needed.
ok, still giggling…
devin’s face in the great tits photo is especially funny. please squeeze him for me.
Oh totally awesome!
I say pick the guess who cards, then the recipient is truly surprised when they open it up and see your holiday sentiments!
The web site isn’t working. I can’t find the link to place my order. Please check with your host and get back to me, as it is already December 2, and I need to send these out soon.
Hehehehe you made me laugh! I wouldn’t know which to choose! The look on your faces on the last one is priceless though.
Absolutely classic. I love the last one the best. I needed the laugh this morning so thanks. By the way…you guys are a gourgeous family even in funny poses.
OOOOHHH!! I said the beach! Go look! I WAS RIGHT!!! Holy shit that NEVER happens!
Love the boobage pic…I better not let Misk see that…he’ll get ideas….ugh
I like the Guess Who one.
It proves that It’s Not Always Sunny In Florida.
avitable: that’ll be $39.99
Alli {Mrs Fussypants}: yep! I’d never seen them before.
Mr Lady: hahahhahahaha – that is spectacular.
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins: there is only one way -
bend over and let ‘em hang. Everything looks better when they waggle to and fro. *sigh*
wildbill: I wonder if my grandma thinks weed is funny…
Violet The Verbose: but did it make you want to track down A Guy?
gina: or a remote for my current one – which I found out later is only like $24.
Elaine: yeah, we’re a classy family.
*pixie*: finch eggs. Really. Cross my heart!
Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas: in my head it was going to make an interesting juxtaposition (or something)
Robin: email me
Patrick D.: yes, I think my mother-in-law will be very proud.
WendyB: who doesn’t appreciate boobies?
Oh. Wait.
Chris: LOL, I’ll take that into consideration
Dee: squawking is encouraged
Maria: I am still, unfortunately, very deserving of sympathy after that little excursion
hello haha narf: I’ll squeeze him twice.
Blondefabulous: hahahhaa, that’s actually kind of brilliant
SciFi Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA – Oh God. You kill me. That comment literally had me laughing out loud at my desk.
Sandi: aren’t we photogenic?
Lisa: awww, thanks sweetie.
Cissa Fireheart: about support bras?
NYCWD: oh it was plenty sunny. I’m just a moron.
ROTFL….fabulous!
The last one? Send weed? Priceless…
Thanks for a great laugh this morning.
OMG, it’s a toss up between the tits and the weed! Fabulous!
LMAO! Doesn’t it always happen like this!?
I miss you guys like freaking CRAZY!
I will take pics for you if I ever get my ass there!
The captions alone make each one priceless!!
OMG! Best Christmas card post EVAH! I am now rethinking my idea of heading to the beach for pictures. Thank you for saving me from the tragedy.
This was hyseritcal.. coffee out the nose and all..
Your tits do look fabulous. Crop that picture down to the clevage and send it out. Ho, ho, ho!
I say send both the tits and the weed. Just hilarious!
this is why i never even attempt to take family photos.
although having one where my boobs look as good as yours might be incentive enough. *drool*
HA! That was awesome. I vote for fabulous tits.
I love them all! I think the best cards are the ones that aren’t all posed and perfect. I am voting for fabulous tits.
This is freakin hilarious! Nice rack!
Too funny. Thanks for the laugh.
So Panera thinks ‘weed’ is okay but ‘tits’ is not? *giggling*
This was a scream. And does Panera have a problem with “teats”?
Heh, nice. I’d like some weed, too.
and you thought you needed help?
TITTIES!!
The baby I sit just wants to eat now….
These are great! I’ll have to send my wife this way via Stumble, she’ll love the cards!
I return to finch eggs (what are finches?) and Christmas cards (I’m Jewish) so I’ll comment on tomorrow’s post.
i ‘stumbled’on your blog, the Christmas card post cracked me up and the ’2 blog stunts’ post got me hooked. still not sold on twilight. But I’ll be back fore more
i ‘stumbled’on your blog, the Christmas card post cracked me up and the ’2 blog stunts’ post got me hooked. still not sold on twilight. But I’ll be back for more
I say cut and paste all of the cards together and call yourself the Picasso Family. Oh wait, nevermind, because if you do that, they’ll know you’ve had WAY too much weed already and won’t send any!
LOVE those! Cause you know, they are natural. No posing, no faking it. Just natural family time with lots of tits!
Those are hilarious. The sad thing is that most people wouldn’t even recognize the photos as being not right. They would send them with pride.
Hahahahahaa…my fave is the tits one – the caption made me snort!
The last one is great, but Christmas cards with palm trees in the background make me sad.
I want the tits card. Blown up. On a t-shirt. So that I can have tits, too!
I don’t even send out Christmas cards.
ROFL!!!!!! These are, by far, some of the best Christmas cards I have ever seen. I’m with 90% of the people who’ve commented… the “Mom’s tits” one would be my choice.
Good Lord, this is hilarious!
*SNORK*
I love the tits and the weed! Oh, and these cards are hysterical, too!
Absolutely AWESOME.
I vote for tits or weed.
Haha!
My vote is for the send weed one! LMFAO!
SkippyMom: you’re welcome.
Marney: that’s exactly what *I* was thinking!
Kristin: which will be when, exactly?
Rachel: yeah, otherwise they’re just fuck ups.
Karen: oh no – don’t not go on my account! I’ve seen other people do it WONDERFULLY!
Kim: heh. sorry about that.
Finn: Dear Dad, Thanks for contributing to the gene pool. Merry Christmas, Your Daughter’s Tits
Yes. That should go over fabulously. LOL
Turnbaby: do you know how much stamps cost these days??
ali: yes, well, I’m not spending $1500 on an 8 x 10
Faiqa: *makes a check in the tits column* got it!
melanie: there is a fine line between “not perfect” and “OMG WHAT THE HELL?!?!”
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas: thanks!
Turnbaby: actually, it’s technically just ME that Panera hates.
Tracy: probably. Commie bastards.
Karl: of course you do
Clown: this is not evidence of that?
metalmom: you know what to do…
Seth: look at me, bringing spouses together in the holiday spirit.
Dawn: I couldn’t wait for you forever, you know.
natalie: oh cool – thank you. And hi. And stuff.
Bonnie B.: luckily, I’m probably out of glue.
Robina: which is the most fake part, ironically.
I mean – not fake fake. But deceptive at least.
Foo: well that’s because people are stupid. Except for me, of course.
Karen Sugarpants: this does not surprise me about you.
B.E. Earl: what?!?! It’s supposed to make you JEALOUS!!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter: deal!
Shamelessly Sassy: I try to. And do. Once every 3 years or so.
Becca: I feel like I should clarify that these aren’t real.
The cards, I mean. The chest is most definitely real. Sadly.
Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children:
thank you
Ginger: hahhahaha
Sybil: hey, stranger!
Sarcastica: drugs over sex – got it!
My god, those are hysterical!
Seriously though, the middle one is actually really good. It just needed a little editing: http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=2hf2u5c&s=4
(if you have photoshop, take the original and go to Image -> Adjustments -> Curves, and adjust that a little)
*thumbs up*
I would like to place an order for 100 copies of the “Weed” card. You’re gorgeous, Miss Britt, but I don’t swing for your team. The husband on the other hand… lordie lord… LOL! J/K
On a totally unrelated stream of thought: I passed on an award to you. All the sordid details are in my blog.
Hugs!
TheDemigod
okay. THAT was damn funny.
oh my god those are awesome.
but i won’t send you my weed. no way no how!
Do man-boobs work for Christmas cards?
Or is that more a Valentine’s Day thing?
So here I was thinking I was BRILLIANT that I took my family out back and laid on the grass in my yard and took our photo.
You had to one-up me didn’t you?
And you lied at Avitable’s party! You DO have boobs!
*smooches*
Shash
I would like a green one, please.
“Awesomest” is, indeed, teh awesomest.
Am I a ‘tard? I don’t know what finch eggs are! (Don’t answer that first question.)
Send Weed. Definately, hands down…even the kids look stoned!
For REAL: Nice rack! You’s full of the funny, lady
Dude.
Your bewbs ROCK.
I had to pay a pretty penny to get mine to look half as good, dammit!
I’m so jealous. My card would have to say:
This Holiday,
Send Tits.
Love them all, but there is nothing like weed for Christmas. Actually, my favourite one is the fuzzy one. You all look so cute in that!
I’m feeling rather fuzzy myself right now.
This post seriously made my night. It’s even better than the meltdown photos that occur in *my* family.
I am CRYING over here!!!
Hilarious.
I’m voting for the “Send Weed” one. That’s a classy image.
Haha I love those. I love that Devon is trying to peek over the top in the last one. Too cute.
These are so funny I wouldn’t even care if they were all contrived.
Oh geezuz… seriously-laugh-out-loud funny.
If there are any of the “Fabulous Tits” cards left, put me down for a pair….. of cards… the cards!
You definitely need to make this an annual event.
Jessica: if I have Photoshop… pfft. I LIVE FOR MY PHOTOSHOP!
thedemigod: you have no idea how much pleasure I got out of reading that comment to Jared. Thanks.
vodkamom: we do what we can.
Crys: I call your bluff. You have no weed. I will not believe it until I have proof.
SwanShadow: man-boobs are always in season.
Shash: the funny thing is, I so, so don’t. This picture was some bizarre fluke, trick of the light.
Poppy: now that’s a much classier way of describing it.
Jane: finches are itty bitty birds.
Shawna: I’m sure there is a message there about family unity.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton: well, it can only hope to measure up to your rack’s awesomeness someday.
Loralee: well, mine don’t really look like that ever – so your penny was well spent.
Sharon – Mom Generations: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA Oh my God. THAT is the awesomest! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Selma: I know! I’m so pissed. That would have been PERFECT if I had focused the damn camera!
Angella: well, glad to have made someone’s night.
Ali: we are nothing if not classy up in here.
Sarah: yeah, nothing says family like “hey guys! don’t forget me!”
whall: but admit it – the fact that they AREN’T contrived is even funnier.
twinkie: oh yay, glad to hear it!
martymankins: one pair. Got it.
Missives From Suburbia: pfft – we’re going back next weekend!
those are fantastic! you just might need to enter my Christmas Card FAIL Carnival.
Awesome!
Can I please get these for sending to clients? My firm’s card choices are dull and too PC.
oh my god, thank you for the giggles! you are hilarious!
i didn’t read through all the comments, so i apologize if someone already said this–i think you should send them all! print them together in a little book and send it around. it will be the most talked about and loved holiday card of all time!
tits and weed. what memorable christmases are made of.
LOL that is SO funny! We want them all! And Daddy thinks everyone should quit talking about his daughters breasts!
These are perfect. I think I’ll use them for my own!
this sucks
One year my mom sent out a card with a picture of our grandma on a jet ski. The card said “Miracles do happen.”
Your cards are even better.
I love the “mom’s tits” card so much I’m including it n my blog, hohumcards.com; a site dedicated to documenting fabulous Christmas cards. Come see!
By the way, Stacey, I am DYING to see the one of grandma on a jet ski! Please post it to my site, or ask to post it here!
Oh my god, those are the best Christmas cards ever! I opt for the last two. So glad I stumbled upon you.