Everything You Need For Intimacy?
One of the benefits of an overpriced hotel room on Park Avenue is a well stocked mini bar. While Holiday Inn would stop at $5 water bottles and $3 bags of peanut, the 70 Park Avenue goes the extra mile with Patron, Red Bull, and king sized Snickers.
And Intimacy.
In a can.
Apparently men and women have been searching in all the wrong places for that unique connection that defines our “intimate” relationships from our casual ones. It seems where we should have been looking is the stock room of In-Room Plus, Inc.
And what are the keys to intimacy?
2 condoms – for the ambitious couple.
1 package of lubricating jelly – for the impatient couple.
And 2 antibacterial towelettes – for the what in the hell are you thinking sleeping with someone you need to wipe down with a sani nap?!?!?!
Everything you need to get intimate. Forget the long walks on the beach, the overpriced champagne, and the nusance of open communication. Intimacy is but a cleansing wipe and moistening oil up away!
Or is it?
What do you need to achieve real intimacy? Is it more than being able to have sex with someone, or is that the ultimate symbol of intimacy?
What would you pack in your intimacy tin?
Obstetrical Towelettes? Wow, you were at quite the classy joint!
I’m oddly curious to know what they charged for this little deal-y.
I can’t get past the phrase “Intimacy tin” to form a coherent answer…i keep giggling.
Hehe. Intimacy tin. :lmao:
I don’t like the name “Obstetrical Towelettes”. That’s not sexy, it just reminds me of the gyno. Creepy.
How much did that sucker cost?
Uh, yeah…“Obstetrical Towelettes” are what you use at the GYN’s office. Ick!
They could’ve at least changed the label to something like, “Afterglow Satin Cloths”…or something a bit more, er, palatable…
Twisted Pleasure Condoms, KY His & Hers, and a Silver Bullet Vibrator.
That would be my top three! Haha
The towelette? Just a LITTLE disturbing, lol.
I guess it could be used to smack him in the face when he falls asleep on top of you after?
Joaquin Phoenix. But I’ll need a bigger tin.
A vibrating cock ring, handcuffs and a feather. And some chocolate. To eat afterwards.
Not during. That’s just dirty.
Heh/
First of all: bwahahahahahahaha!
and to answer your question? my intimacy tin would be as big as a paint can. awww yeah.
Wow…kudos to the poster who mentioned a Cock Ring. I have always wanted to open a Cock Ring Warehouse, but I wondered if anyone would come…no pun intended.
But anyway – did you take it home with you? It was only $7.50…shit, I almost did. Then I realized I would have had to leave the money on the dresser for you and Jared, and that is very whoreish.
Am I answering the question? of course not.
Uh…my answer is…yup, what´s in the can.
Wow, people need that kinda stuff? Inever heard of someone paying $400 bucks a night, AND however much it cost for that tin just to bang their $20 hooker they picked up off the street an hour ago….
Interesting.
I would pack a door alarm for the kids. They always need a bandaid or hair clip or to ask some stupid question like what are we doing next weekend.. My answer:”NOTHING if ya don’t get out of here.”
whipped cream,silver bullet,extra batteries for said bullet,and love motion #9 if you don’t know what it is it gets warm when put on certain areas of a woman’s happy spot….
Both my kids.
Then send the tin away for a while.
Hahahaha, that’s awesome. Park Avenue must see its fair share of horny rich people! We go boozing down there sometimes and it’s hilarious because I can totally envision a lot of those people toting the intimacy tin in their pockets. (Favorite quote by a friend: “I can’t go into the Wine Room! I’m not wearing black!”)
Nothing says intimate more than a tube of Icy/Hot and a Rocky Road sundae.
Four D.A.V.E. brand condoms, Snack-Pack Chocolate Pudding, and a Nilla Wafer (for her pleasure).
For me, nothing makes for primo intimacy like SPONTANEITY. Planning ahead makes it seem like an item on a checklist.
Yeah, that’s easy for me to say. No kids at home.
Nothing. Real intimacy is between the ears, not the legs.
But a good sex kit should include some edible body powder, a feather, massage oil and candles.
I pack my intimacy inside my vagina and pull it out whenever I need it.
…at least I think it’s still in there.
Damn it. Now I have to go check.
I’ll be back in a few hours.
My husband is my intimacy kit. Just one look at him and we turn rabbit. After ten years, we still act like horny teenagers. We don’t need anything in our kit except maybe a smoke or two. But not a gyno wipe. Eww.
I stayed at a fancy hotel in Manhattan with Gia a while ago that not only had an intimacy kit in there, but a disposable vibrator and some other “stuff” as well.
God, I hope it was disposable.
This. is. HYSTERICAL.
Pretty much all it takes is a little suggestive eyebrow wiggle from my husband. Unless, of course, he’s been a douchebag lately – then he has to work for it. What “work for it” means depends on the day and my mood but I’ve got a drawer full of schtuff to help him.
Earl made me LOL
I’m with Finn—
Duct tape.
I think I might have snorted a little at Earl.
:wha: Poppy!
I’m a little creeped out by the intimacy kit with sanitary wipes to come up with a good response.
wow, that was in the mini-bar? In the REFRIGERATOR? Nothing like a cold condom in your va-jay-jay, right? Brrrrrrr!!
Intimacy, huh??
Check out the first video here:
http://greeneyezz-reflections.blogspot.com/2008/10/72-eyelashes-poetic-bloodline.html
This guy describes his own style of intimacy. A unigue way of putting it, but very true all the same.
~ZZ
Britt, my response had a link in it. You may want to check your Spam folder.
~ZZ
All I can think of are all the people who HAVE used the kit. Hookers and stuff (and they would need those wipes). Ewwwwww.
And, like Finn, my intimacy kit has nothing to do with things. It takes brains and laughter and that special something to get me going.
Esoteric discussions and essays on renegade nanotechnology and its effects on musical combined luge events usually does it fer me.
And what are the keys to intimacy?
1. photo of Adam’s butt.
2. photo of Karl’s balls.
3. vibrator.
Who needs a man?
Chocolate and wine.
Nothing says love quite like a moist towlette!
What? No handcuffs? No whip? No crotchless undies? No vibrator?
Pfffff…
I’ve snorted at least 5 times reading the comments.
Laughing gas. That’s what I’d pack.
(are you coming to the BlissDom thing? I’d so love to meet you!)
Umm, let’s see. Honey dust, astroglide, remote control.
umm, that’s a new one to me in a mini bar. Or I just don’t stay at the right kind of hotels. Never saw that at Disney.
Toilet paper. You haven’t truly been intimiate with someone until you’ve seen them on the pot.
A good book?
I’m kidding.
Sorta.
:cheese:
Forget the tin. All I need is a hot Portagee. And menopause.
are you fucking kidding me? i return from ten days away to find that people think a couple of condoms makes intimacy?
sheesh.
this reminds me of a totally different story from vegas. thanks for giving me a saturday post!
Park Ave behind closed doors, eh?
Too funny!
Are the towlettes for before or after? What am I the only one wondering?
LOL @ towelettes. I would want a magic wand that makes my husband actually listen to me when I’m talking. It doesn’t get more erotic than that.
The Hotel I use when in Montreal has those in the minibar as well.
I think it’s $8.00 CDN
but it includes a cock-ring.
Those wacky Quebecois….
wow. That’s awesome. The Obstetrical Towelettes are kinda freaky. Especially when they’re named obstetrical towlettes. Ew.
Poppy is scaring me.
My kit? A little KY tingly gel….and some chocolate to feed each other.
And the comments are as funny as the post! :lmao:
J.
Maybe the sani-naps are for those who buy expensive hookers and like nice rooms.
Like the reality version of Pretty Woman.
I actually like to wrap my johnson in the antibacterial towelettes prior to the carnal relations. But that’s me.
The very weird thing is that except for the condoms, I carry all that stuff in my purse on a day to day basis. I guess carrying packets of Tabasco would count, right?
I would probably have to pack some sort of child-safe sedative, or the intimacy ain’t happenin.
avitable: I felt right at home.
kateanon: like $7 I think?
Stephanie: hehe
Amanda: WHY did I not make the gyno connection? That makes much more sense now.
Ginger: you get towlettes?!?! I’ve always just gotten a washcloth!
Amber: oh wow. Um. I assure you, in that situation, a towlette would not suffice.
Honeybell: hahaha – maybe a big ol’ box!
Redneck Mommy: a feather?
Karen Sugarpants: this does not surprise me. At all.
Robin: hell no we didn’t take it home! Do you know how many condoms you can buy for $7.50??!
Besides, we had brought our own.
Bluestreak: yeah? You’re obviously made for Park Avenue.
Blondefabulous: haven’t you ever seen Pretty Woman?
Cathy: now see, that’s more like what *I* would need too.
tina L: I am familiar with the warming.
Mike: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
steen: man! I didn’t even go boozing down there and I was STAYING there!
NYCWD: icy hot is a dangerous thing.
Dave2: no intimacy kit is complete without pudding.
SJ: when you have kids at home, the idea of spontaneity is even MORE sexy.
Finn: A-freaking-Men.
to your first comment. LOL
ADW:
man I miss your crazy ass.
melanie: that is so damn awesome. And sweet. And intimate.
B.E. Earl: Oh. My. God.
maggie, dammit: rich people are funny.
Sheila (Charm School Reject): an eyebrow wiggle? Those must be great brows.
Turnbaby: me too.
Poppy: hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaha
Fogspinner: me too!
Twenty Four At Heart: I think it was in the cupboard part. I think.
Greeneyezz: gotcha – thanks!
Sybil Law: brains and laughter – and that “something”. Exactly.
RW: poor Lynn. Or is it Lynne?
metalmom: you poor, pooooor woman.
bill: that should be easy enough!
Maman: apparently! lol
DutchBitch: I am tired just from reading this comment!
Stephanie: everyone is in prime form today, aren’t they? lol
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake: oh man, me too – perfect.
No, unfortunately I can’t make this trip.
anna: honey dust??
Jennifer A: Disney puts it in the nightstand I think.
hulagirlatheart: sadly, I tend to agree with that.
Loralee: I’m all for a good book. And some quiet time to read it.
Sharon – MomGenerations: menopause is the new intimacy tin?
hello haha narf: tee hee hee
Karen MEG: yes, the inside scoop, you heard it here first!
Lisa: what is wrong with me that it wasn’t until the comments that I even CONSIDERED they could be for after and not before?
Faiqa: agreed.
Special K: wow, Canada goes all out.
Courtney: yeah, couldn’t they just say “towlettes”?
HoosierGirl: I just don’t do chocolate! But I think I’m rare.
Marissa: poor Richard Gere.
Brad: you know that’s not safe.
<b?Anissa@Hope4Peyton: you don’t carry condoms?
manager mom: or a babysitter.
At least 2 condoms (got to do it twice, once for my pleasure, once for hers), a little tube of cherry scented gel and the mini silver bullet (w/ an extra battery, just in case.
Just a simple, politely folded stack of 100s will do it. HOW intimate depends on how many Benjamins.
Best. Comments. EVAH.
Intimacy Kit:
Eye contact
Soft face
desire
privacy at home or out in the open in public
feeling loved
feeling I can say or do anything and he’ll love me more
Single men, traveling alone, can get by with the free conditioner that comes with many room. Cinemax helps too.
Hi. I just found your site kind of recently and this has some of the most interesting comments as a first post to read.