Or rather, the lack of nicotine seems to be killing the blogger.
Specifically, this blogger.
It’s been 19 days since my last cigarette and roughly at least that long since I’ve sat down to write. Really… write.
My routine before was to take my laptop out on my back patio and plug it into the outdoor outlet, preparing for the long haul. I had a pop on one side and an ash tray on the other. I sat on a three stacked chair cushions.
And I wrote.
Sometimes it would start slow, and I would lean back in my chair and light a cigarette, watching the blinking cursor in quiet anticipation. Inhaling and exhaling, I’d wait for the fervor to hit. And it would. Eventually, it would always come.
And then the cigarette would burn unnoticed in the ashtray while my fingers flew across the keyboard, frantic to record the words as they spun through my brain before they disappeared again.
Until… again… a pause. The thoughts would swell at the back of my mind, taunting me but still not fully formed. Pushing, peeking a word at a time from behind the curtain. And again, I would stop… lean back… inhaling and exhaling until the dam finally burst.
It’s been 19 days and I have yet to find a replacement for that routine.
I have sat at the island between my kitchen and dining room, shifting and turning on the stool that is too tall and too narrow. I have sprawled on the couch, swinging my feet from coffee table to floor too arm rest and back to the table again.
I can’t get lost in it. There’s no cloud of smoke to isolate me from the lure of time with my children and husband. There’s no hum of the ceiling fan to drown out the empty noise of the TV and phone.
It’s all I can do to go through the motions.
I know this won’t last forever. I know “writer’s block” is no justification for picking up another cigarette. I know, in time, my old routines will be replaced by new ones.
Won’t they?
Start smoking weed.
Just think – you’ve traded an easy method for inspired writing for keeping your lungs! Great choice if you ask me!
Dude! You’ve got an advertisement for Oprah running on your blog!
OPRAH!!
You should print out this post, including the Oprah ad, and then smoke that. I don’t know why, but it will at least make ME feel better.
I do not know what I would do if I were you, sweetie because my addictions are intense and virtually unbreakable.
I thank god that I am not into alcohol, drugs or smoking because it would be very, very bad.
My worst vice is Diet Coke and it is like OXYGEN to me. I am a chain drinker.
I gave up Diet Coke for 62.5 days and decided that life was just…boring without it.
People kept telling me I would feel so much better and OMG! You will lose soooo much weight! Nah. I didn’t notice a difference and I gained 10 lbs.
All I can do is to say that I DID get over the constant craving. By the time I went back it was mainly just…boredom, really. And I didn’t like drinking anything else, really. There wasn’t anything to replace it with.
If there had been, I would like to think it would have fared better so I am really hoping you get that routine replacement SOON.
I smoked for thity years, and like you, always put the smoking together with the writing…try chantix: I’ve been smoke free while on it, for almost six months now, and it’s been long enough for me to realize that one is a talent i work on, the other is a drug addiction….truth be told, i could have romantically linked the notion of smoking to everything i did in my entire adult life…except for sleeping….hope you hang on long enough to see that you can sperate the two.
Still laughing at Avitable…
Can you maybe chew some gum or something out on the deck?
My hubby is doing the mints- OMG. Those little wrappers drive me crazy. And, they are freakin’ expensive. Are you doing any nicotine substitutes, or did you quit cold turkey?
You will.
Much as I enjoy reading your blog. . . wouldn’t it be better to be tobacco-free and never blog again than to go back to the old routine?
This will pass. You’re grieving. That’s how I felt. I can’t remember how I dealt with it though, because it really did pass, and that feels real good.
Who says you have to abandon the back porch all together? Get a [diet] pop and a lolly-pop to make it feel like home. Hell, rest the lollypop in an ash tray.
I suggest burning a scented candle for the smell issue. (I prefer vanilla… it doesn’t need to be a stinky shit smelling candle)
I suggest Twizzlers for the oral fixation issue.
I also suggest an iPod for assistance in getting that barrier up between you and the world.
Yeah… I’m just full of suggestions.
I love the fact that you used the word “pop” instead of soda. That’s so cute. Woman, you’re awesome. Even when you have writer’s block, you’re a great writer.
I think it’s just a withdrawal symptom. Your writing will return once you find a routine you are comfortable with. Just keep trying different things until you find the right one for you.
Bummer, isn’t it? But like everyone else said, it’s all about changing your life and finding new routines. Find a new favorite place to write–one where smoking is impossible (your favorite gas station?). Find a new outlet for the excess energy. Learn to meditate. Hopefully, sooner or later, you won’t be able to write without a cup of peppermint tea by your side.
And take your time. Be easy on yourself. Know that your body might be angry with you for a while.
Does taking apple as replcement helps? :rolleyes: Always hear bout that but dont know if it works
Baby carrots? Lollipops? Cinnamon Orbit? Blowjobs?
I used to smoke nearly a pack and a half a day. Smoked for 12 years. Quit when I was twenty four (Ye Gods, over 14 years ago, now) even though I am the most orally fixated, addiction-predisposed human being I’ve ever met.
You can do it. You WILL do it! Sending virtual Nicorette your way.
yes, that routine will be replaced with another. you’ve just got to let your body adjust, is all — which it will. and, btw, i am VERY proud of you for doing this. VERY proud.
I have to admit, because you hadn’t mentioned smoking at all for a while, I figured you had fallen off the wagon. I’m glad you’re still quitting.
The thing about routines is that they’re always evolving, always changing. You didn’t always blog outside with three cushions, right? Give it some time, and what works for you will become your new routine.
I like NYCWD’s iPod suggestion for anti-distraction… I use an mp3 player almost all the time I’m on the computer (home and work) to drown out everything else. As for the other thing, what about a hot beverage (tea or coffee) that will provide plumes of steam and will cool if neglected?
It’s simple, really. Start doing what I do. Alcohol in mass quantities. I write stuff I don’t even remember.
I am so sorry that you have writers block, but I am VERY proud of you for having been 19 days smoke free!
WAY TO GO BABE!
I think Avitable and NYCWD both have great suggestions.
O.K. so smoking weed isn’t a viable suggestion but setting a new mood is. Why can’t you still go out on your patio with a nice smelling candle and some tunes?
Or a glass of wine? Well, glass of wine once in a while if you are afraid to make that a bad habit.
I’ve got writer’s block big time write now too if it’s any consolation.
Congrats on being smoke-free!
OMG, I have writer’s block RIGHT now…not WRITE.
DOH! :crazy:
I like Avitable’s suggestion, too! :lmao:
Should I send you candy cigarettes? He was supposed to give those to you. They’ll even puff “smoke”!
Other than that, I got nothing.
Except, as soon as I read the title of your post, I got “Video Killed the Radio Star” stuck in my head.
:cheese:
avitable: you first.
whall: well yeah, when you say it like THAT!
Dave2: we’re tight.
Mocha: LOL
Loralee: I do feel better.
I can smell.
I’ve gotten used to driving without it – with the help of gum and coffee. LOL
I can talk on the phone without it.
It’s just… the writing.
The Wolf: it’s funny because this is the ONE area I didn’t think to associate it – and it seems to be the one hanging on the hardest.
Andria: cold turkey – and now I’m glad I did because while the first week is hellll, at least all the nicotine is out of my system now.
Sarah: :heartbeat:
Sharon: yes, absolutely it would.
What would be even BETTER is a new routine! LOL
Momma: I’ve never heard it described as grieving – but I can definitely see the correlation.
SportsFan’s Daughter: at first it was necessary to help me break that habit.
NYCWD: do they make sugar free twizzlers? That would be perfection.
Faiqa: you are so sweet. And… IT IS POP!!!!
sodapop: I’m running out of chairs. LOL
People in the Sun: my body, it seems, can really hold a grudge.
Eve: taking apple?? You mean – like eating an apple? I’ve never heard that.
manager mom: I’m trying to imagine using blowjobs to help me write…. LOL
Crys: thanks babe.
SciFi Dad: nope, still on the wagon. I haven’t mentioned it because I figure everyone is tired of hearing about it. LOL
RW:
When I do that I get called a heathen.
Kristin: muah – thanks!
Lisa: dooooode – that’s some kind of special irony.
Sybil Law: you should know – he doesn’t share.
Honey, you gone this far, do not light up!!
I smoked from age 13 to 35, put them down and havent regretted it one moment. You can doo it!
I am proud of you.
but, but, but YOU’VE GOT 19 DAYS!!! amazing!
Don’t wuss out like Karl! You can do it!
Still, celery sticks just don’t cut it….
You’ll adjust. Just give it time; it’s still early days. I thought would never, ever read a book again. Then I discovered Fire Candy. Then I had to quit the Fire Candy. But that was easier than the cigs.
First, congratulations! Wow – I admire your strength. You’re doing great! Second, you’ll get a new routine eventually. Here’s mine. Laptop w/me either outside if it’s pretty or on the couch if it’s evening or crappy weather. Glass of wine by my side. Ironically, I’m not a big drinker, but the wine must BE there whether I drink it or not. It’s like a security blanket. Stumped for words? Stare at wine glass. Really stumped? Take a sip. I wrote a post that TOTALLY SUCKS today. It is titled “This Post Sucks”. Don’t you want to be just like me?! ha!
Hang in there!!!
Keep trying. You will find a NEW and HEALTHY way to blog/write.
Your body stored nicotine. The second and third weeks are hell compared to the first. Hang in there. Keep doing what you are doing.
Did I ever tell you that I am so unbelievably proud of you for doing this? I know it’s hard, baby, but you can do it!!
:hug:
I have absolutely no doubt that you will overcome this “whatever” and be back with a vengeance. Not that your recent blog posts weren’t good. I’m just happy when I see something new of yours in my Bloglines, whatever that something new is. :heartbeat:
damn, i wish i had the magic formula for you. not sure what will help kick the writer’s block issue. time?
i do, however, know that i am oh so proud of you for not smoking. bet the kids are also. i can vividly remember begging my mom to quit when i was five.
speaking of your adorable kids, i am probably overstepping my bounds to say that it really isn’t all that terrible if there is “no cloud of smoke to isolate me from the lure of time with my children and husband.” as much as i adore you, even *need* your wonderful site, i’m cool with them luring you away from me!
(please note that this is in no way saying that you are not a terrific wife and momma. i’ve seen you…i KNOW you are a great mom and wife. but if they are a “distraction” from smoking, and therefore writing, i am all for it. eventually your brain and body will fill up with the words you haven’t been getting out and the writing will return. if it means your health, i’m willing to wait.)
A novel idea: Make your own new routines. Don’t wait for them to come to you. I would give you a “Poppy” suggestion for a routine change, but I know that wouldn’t be helpful. You’re very intelligent, I know you can think of your own new routine… and if you hate it you just scrap it or tweak it.
I am very proud of you. :hug:
Vodka is a lovely replacement for ciggies.
YAY!!! on the no smoking for so long!!! Good for you!!!
:heartbeat:
Oh Britt, I certainly hope you find a new “groove” to write in, and I’m sure you will. I mean, to me it’s seems you havne’t lulled once since you quit, and girl, you should be extremely freaking PROUD of yourself!
Nicotine killed the blogio star…
Nicotine killed the blogio star…
You’re so modest with your titles Britt. ; )
(I’m effing witcha’)
Way to hang tough Britt. To say “good for you” would be an enormous understatement. Only you and other people who have managed to do what you’ve DONE in the last 19 days know the agony of it. – Stick. You’ll have a lot more time to wordsmith with the years you’re adding to your life. : )
It’ll pass. You just have to figure out a new routine. Maybe doodle on a notepad until something comes. You could also just not write anything until you really get some good inspiration. If you get little spurts, jot them down and wait until more comes. Don’t torture yourself. (:
I promise you, there will be a day (soon) that you will go an entire week without even thinking about a cigarette. You will be able to do all of the things you used to do without smoking.
And weed helps, but then you can’t feel better about saving all that money.
Silly Miss Britt. It is not the cigarette that is causing the writing block. It’s this god-forsaken humidity of August and September! Will it end? Ever?
I’m not a smoker and damned if I can get any mojo going at all. I can’t believe you sit outside and are able to form a coherent thought at all.
Also? I find wine a good substitute for a nicotine high.
yes they will. Hang in there, it will all be forgotten soon.
Doo Dah: no plans to light up! Thanks!
ali: and something like $85 saved too.
Blondefabulous: I am soooo damn tired of celery.
Finn: I remember my mom using fire candy.
Twenty Four At Heart: I’m hearing a lot of votes for wine…
themuttprincess: like, carrots?
metalmom: what?!?!? I thought the first three days were supposed to be the hardest!!?!? What the bloody hell?!?!
Dawn: you’re so sweet.
hello haha narf: no – that was kind of my point. I’m finding I’d rather spend time with all of them than write.
Poppy: :hug:
Sarah: oh boy that would be a whole different kind of writing.
AmyD: thanks honey.
Robina: read back over this week. I think that should definitely count as a lull. LOL
John: yeah, I’m singing it too. I can’t help it.
Elizabeth: I AM a fan of the doodle.
Honeybell: plus, I don’t know A Guy.
Queen of Shake Shake: I had the fan!!
And I like hot. I’m weird.
Willie G: I’m hangin’.
19 days no smoking is awesome.
I have faith you’ll sort the writing in your own time.
Have you tried drinking copious amounts of alcohol? Seems to work for me.
*shrugs*
(and congrats on the quitting, once again. I am SO proud of you!)
I quit 2 years ago now and it’s how to get that time that smoking used to give you. That break away from the insanity. I remember quitting and feeling really really panicked a lot of the time. What’ll I do…
The muse is elusive sometimes. I think you just need to sit in the writer’s block for a bit. It’ll come back. Just takes time to redefine who you are as a person who no longer smokes. How do you connect with the muse…
The first six weeks are harsh and from time to time I still want a cigarette…
You’ll re-learn things. One day soon you’ll be able to sit on the deck without wanting to smoke the first thing that doesn’t smoke you.
Writer’s Block? WHAT WRITER’S BLOCK?!?
Did you happen to notice the last time I posted?
So proud of you though. 19 days!! Awesome!!
Shash
19? It’s been 19 friggin’ days? Holy crap. I have missing time. Fracking aliens.
And if you and Adam start smoking weed? I’m coming down there with a video camera. I’m just sayin’.
I wish I had an answer for you. Wait. I do. Godiva. Large quantities of dark, Belgian chocolate. Yep. That should clear that block. My work here is done.
I’m so proud of you. :kiss:
19 days?! AWESOME! You’ll find your groove again, give it time.
You’ll develop other habits. You just don’t notice right now because you’re focusing too tightly on it all. We all change our habits and don’t really realize it most of the time. You’re doing the right thing by not smoking. The rest will come. Really.
I hope you saved your fat clothes.
I had the same problem when I quit a few weeks ago! I’m just so used to taking my laptop out to my balcony, pouring a beer or glass of wine, and lighting my cig. It makes me so sad that I can’t do that now.
It took me a year to sit down and write without thinking about a cigarette. I mean until just now when you brought it up. Thanks.
Now I eat two, that’s right, two baby candy canes. It’s important to eat them pointy end first.
Wow, you just nailed my writing conditions…right down to the overhead fan…but you did forget about the scent of bug spray to protect me from the killer nazi mosquitoes. Good luck, darlin’, you’re a better woman than me.
Vodka. Always gets the creative streak switched on. Doesn’t do mych fer yor tie-ping thow…
Good for you for sticking to it for so long. One week I’m a smoker, the next week, not so much. Kudos for being consistent.
I agree with Maria, you have done so well. How about an update?