Is This What They Mean By “Rediscovering Your Marriage”?

Tuesday, August 5th, 2008

The moment I got the all clear Saturday morning that the kids were doing just fine on their summer vacation, everything changed.

The guilt and anxiety that had been hanging around me all week lifted, and I found myself surrounded by an entirely different cloud.

I felt my shoulders relax and the air I was taking in seemed lighter. But more than that, as I stood in my living room with the vaulted ceilings above me and the piles of laundry that needed to be folded around me, I looked around and realized that I was… alone.

Blissfully, wonderfully, remarkably alone.

Wait. Did you hear that? No?

That’s because being alone has ABSOLUTELY NO SOUND AT ALL!!! None! Nada! Zilch! It is a great big huge wide openness of quiet nothingness! And it? Is AWESOME!

I could elaborate my point by telling you that I flung my arms out wide and twirled around like Julie Andrews right there in the middle of my living room, but of course no one actually does that. I mean, really, it would be a complete exaggeration just for the point of story telling to say that I spun around in circles all by myself wearing nothing but my underwear for a good five minutes just because I could.

But let’s just say, for argument’s sake, just to make a point – that I totally could have done that if I wanted to.

Ahem. ANYway.

Jared came home from work about noon and we headed over to Universal Studios to check into an on-site hotel. Oh yes, we did. We paid damn good money to sleep in a hotel that was 45 minutes away from our perfectly empty house.

And do you know why?

Because we could. Damn straight.

Once we checked in we took our room keys and boarded the complimentary water taxi to the theme parks. Because when you pay damn good money to sleep in a hotel room 45 minutes away from your perfectly empty house, you appreciate the irony in the water taxi being “complimentary”.

We wandered around the park hand in hand, dancing to the 50s music that was blasting from the retro diner. We stopped to use the restrooms when we had to pee without a single thought to how long it had been since the last bathroom break or how long we would have to wait until we passed another bathroom. We spent $6 on lemon slushies and called it “lunch”, without even a twinge of guilt that it was 3 o’clock in the afternoon.

For the first time in the year that we’ve been annual pass holders, we rode on rides together. There is something about screaming your lungs out on a roller coaster that is infinitely sweeter when your husband is sitting beside you roaring with laughter, hearing your squeals for the very first time.

We walked in silence and got lost in the people watching. We stood in the short Express lines (yay for staying on-site and getting free Express passes!) and talked about whether or not I could ever hack it as a magazine editor. Not, mind you, because I have any intentions of becoming a magazine editor at any point in my life. Just… because… it came up.

When we were finished riding every last ride we wanted to at Universal Studios (which is not the same as the sister park Islands of Adventure, just so you know), we decided to head back to the hotel. And we didn’t stop to eat. Because we just weren’t hungry! And we don’t have to eat at a decent time if we’re not hungry!

While riding the complimentary water taxi back to the hotel, I snuggled up to my husband and told him over and over again how much I loved him. I kissed his neck and smiled very meaningfully at him. Very. Meaningfully. Really. I was practically winking except that I do not actually know how to wink.

My husband, perceptive little bugger that he is, patted me on the head and mentioned no less than two times that he was getting kind of tired. On our way back to the room after unloading from the complimentary water taxi, he insisted that we stop at no less than three restaurants to read over their menus.

In case you are missing the subtleties of this story – I was throwing out every “let’s go have crazy hotel sex” sign in the play book and he was discussing the merits of a nap and fine American cuisine.

Which means, I believe, that I was completely justified in breaking down in the elevator into a blubbering pile of snot and sobs and proceeding to wail on and on about how “you don’t even notice! You don’t even care! It’s probably because you are not in love with me anymore and you probably hate me now because I’m getting FAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!”

Clearly, I am the best romantic getaway date ever.

Ahem. ANYway, once we got over my little issue, we got all prettied up and headed out to City Walk for a night of booze and embarrassment at the karaoke bar with Adam and his wife. And we snuggled in the corner of the booth and sang cheesy 80′s music to each other.

And when the evening was over, he was very careful to pick up on any not to so much subtle anymore thanks to a couple of stiff drinks signals that I may have lobbed his way. Because he was perceptive and paying attention and not at all afraid of finding out what in the hell might set his wife off next.

He even stayed awake for the entire fifteen minutes or so I spent alone in the bathroom trying to figure how in the hell this strap thing connected to that strap thing with this lace thing and that hook thing and fuck! fuck! I think I have it on inside out! And not once did he say “what the hell are you doing?” in response to my empty promises that “just one more minute! Everything’s fine! I’ll be right there!”

Clearly, he is the best married to a crazy woman man ever.

Jared & Britt

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  1. Lisa says:

    Cutest picture ever.

    Wasn’t it wonderful to spend time together??

    I’m so glad you had a good weekend with Jared.

    He already knew you were crazy… :lmao:

  2. Britt's Mom says:

    This is the best picture of you two EVER!!! I am delighted!!

  3. Mary says:

    That is the greatest picture!! What a wonderful weekend.

  4. Winter says:

    How cute are you two? Which one of those lacy thingys from your Flickr did you end up wearing? Hee hee.

  5. And if you hang in there for…oh…another 15 years or so, and keep remembering why you love each other…it will be like that all the time.
    It sure is over here at Casa de Sunshine State.

  6. Dave2 says:

    OMG… Your husband is totally hot! :heartbeat: :D :heartbeat:

  7. Dave2 says:

    And I didn’t mean that it a bitchy, snarky way because I haven’t forgiven Jared for showing up to Avitable’s halloween party last year looking hotter than me. No sir! That was totally sincere!

  8. Sounds absolutely blissful—except for the crying part. ;)

    You two are adorable.

  9. Sarah says:

    You two are sickeningly cute together. And I mean that in the best possible way.

    And that picture? I think I just got two cavities.

  10. Can’t men play hard to get? After all, Captain Von Trapp did.

  11. AmyD says:

    Fuck. :slaphead: I knew I should have taken your advice.

    And yet, I’m still inexplicably happy for you. Seriously. Elated. I’m just so damn glad because you, more than anyone I know, fucking DESERVE this. :heartbeat:

    PS.

    Frame that fucking picture and put it in your bedroom. SERIOUSLY. It’s SO CUTE.

  12. Maria says:

    You two are smoking!

  13. Briliant story ähm truth – really well written. Bridget Jones like story with an Happy End. :clap:

    Andreas

  14. misi says:

    Awesome pic of you 2!!! Oh! And I totally know what you meant.. you were trying to put on a garter belt right? Been there, Done that… Honeymoon.

  15. NYCWD says:

    What is it with women and their inability to wink???

    Look! :wink: Even the smilies do it!

  16. NYCWD says:

    What! I can wink! I wink every day when prompted! :p

    Anyway.

    Glad you two finally got some without the threat of Emma walking in with your toys held as lightsabers. :wink:

  17. Poppy says:

    Oh, crap, that last comment was me, not Dawg. Damn this sharing a computer thing. *giggle*

  18. Modern Mami says:

    See? This is exactly what I meant in my latest post when I said I wanted to play hooky with my husband.

    Looks like you guys had a great time. :)

  19. Great picture! Mr. Schmitty and I went out 3 times this week…yes, 3 TIMES! We went to 3 different concerts and walked hand in hand not worrying about the same things you did…i.e. bathroom breaks, food, etc. It was HEAVEN!

  20. Miss Britt says:

    Lisa: it was awesome – makes me miss him LOTS now that we’re both back at work.

    Britt’s Mom: yeah? I’ll put it in your Christmas card.

    Mary: it was a great weekend, thank you.

    Winter: the one that tried to kill me? Is in the back of the stack and not really visible in the Flickr pic. :wink:

    Little Miss Sunshine State: wow – that sounds amazing!

    Dave2: :lol: I’ll be sure to pass all of that on.

    Sleeping mommy: sometimes – except for the crying part. LOL

    Sarah: we have our moments. Once in a while. Thank you. :D

    People in the Sun: ummmmmmmmmmmm….

    No. No they cannot.

    AmyD: thanks babe. That means a lot coming from someone who knows firsthand what an asshat he can be. (and how totally awesome *I* am, of course)

    Maria: well, technically yes. But only until August 15th.

    Andreas Ostheimer: um, thank you?

    misi: oh hell no. A garter belt I can do in my sleep.

    NYCWD: poor muscle control? I dunno.

    NYCWD/Poppy: YAY for sharing a computer!!!

    Don’t you have a lap top??

    (and, um, thanks for your advice, by the way :wink: )

    Modern Mami: playing hooky with the husband is not done NEAR often enough. I highly recommend it.

    Mrs. Schmitty: oh my, that sounds AWESOME! We aren’t getting much face time together during the week, but we have one more weekend left together.

  21. ~jtm says:

    What a great recount of a great weekend… although I think my husband and your’s might have to fight it out for the title of “best married to a crazy woman man ever”… as he refers to our marriage as the “keep him guessing tour”, ‘cuz he’s never quite sure what *his* crazy wife might be up to next… salute to crazy women and the men who love them! :martini:

  22. avitable says:

    I’d fuck ‘im.

  23. Marissa says:

    Why do they make lingerie so damn confusing? I thought it was supposed this easy on- easy off sort of thing but dear God, you need a fucking degree in lace to understand half of it!

  24. Willie G says:

    Don’t ever stop. Take every chance you can. This is what will keep your relationship fresh for years to come.

  25. squeeeeeeeeee! i am so damn happy for you that i totally just did the happy girl wiggle.

    although i am totally cracking up that you lost contact with reality in the elevator. you are too funny.

    tonight, i think you both should have brittinis for dinner. just because you can. i’ll do the same in solidarity.

    :martini:

  26. p.s. is jared gonna also quit smoking on the 15th?

  27. Jenni says:

    Great picture, and I so need to have a weekend like that with my husband!

    Now where can we stash the kids?

    P.S. I can wink! YAY!

  28. AWE.SOME.

    You summed up the romantic getaway of a parental couple that’s been together for years perfectly. PERFECTLY. I’ve had that exact vacation, down to every last detail.

  29. Angel says:

    Awww, how awesome! I’m glad your kids are good and you were able to enjoy the temporary freedom!

    I seriously think there should be a law that people in LTRs *have* to go away for a day or two together every month or so. It really makes you reconnect with who your partner is and why you fell in love with them in the first place. Somehow all the chaos of everyday life, work, kids, etc gives us love-amnesia sometimes.

    PS You are ***SO*** not fat! If you ever have an “I’m fat” breakdown again, come look at the size of my ass. You’ll feel like a twig, I swear! Ha!

  30. John says:

    : ) Good for you guys. Great pic. You kids have fun now. : )

  31. Turnbaby says:

    Maybe this is discovering your marriage.And it’s truly awesome. :heartbeat:

    And I was cracking up with all the straps—oh my naughty little mind;-)

  32. Robina says:

    How freaking cute is that!!!!! I’m am so glad you guys got to go out and have fun, just the two of you! It makes a world of difference. But did you find yourself looking around, for just a teeny tiny second, wondering where the kids went? I STILL do that sometimes. I guess there is no getting away from it.

    And what a GREAT picture!

  33. Jay says:

    Great pic of you two!

    And glad you guys had a great time together. It’s nice to get away, even if it’s only 45 minutes from an empty house.

  34. metalmom says:

    Straps? I didn’t figure you for a bondage freak! :spank:

  35. You both look very happy and content!

    :clap:

  36. Faiqa says:

    love it. this is an eerie recount of an exact experience my husband and i had a few months ago, right down to the meltdown and straps. still, i have to say my favorite part of your story was when you were alone. i would have done the scene from “Risky Business,” instead of “Sound of Music.”. I like to break gender boundaries like that.

  37. Geez – my husband pulls the “oh man I’m so tired” thing too though 95% of the time, I think he is purposefully missing the signal.

    I can’t wink either but I tried the one eyebrow wiggle once – he thought I had an eye tic going.

    What a fabulous picture!

  38. Shelli says:

    You guys are beautiful together. I’m glad you enjoyed yourselves.

  39. whall says:

    That really is cool and I’m looking forward to similar times.

    Wait, with *my* spouse, not with your or yours.

  40. Turnbaby says:

    And I forgot to say that the ex was pretty much always tired.

    And I’m not at all shy about what I want;-)

  41. Stephanie says:

    Oooh! I love this.

    I’m so happy for you guys! I know everyone is saying it, but you totally deserve this. I love the holding hands & dancing to 50′s music.:)

  42. Robin says:

    We’d be shit out of luck if it weren’t for our men-folk. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, and vice versa (but negative for him) :D

  43. I am hoping to have some crazy hotel sex with my husband this weekend! Of course, I’m certain that at some point during the weekend, I’ll end up in tears because of some misunderstanding that’s surely because I’m FAAAAATTTTT.

  44. The last time our boys went out of town, we went to Target at 8:30 to get cheese dip and chips just because we could. It was great.

    I know you get it.

  45. Sybil Law says:

    That picture should be framed. Double matted framed. It’s that good!
    What a great time for you guys. Yay! And no – guys are completely clueless when it comes to subtle and not-so-subtle hints. Next time, just make that gesture with your hands… Haha

  46. ROTFLMAO! And the bathroom dialog? We were separated at birth, m’dear. Those stupid little strappy things are usually why I just come out of the bathroom naked.

  47. Elizabeth says:

    Hello! Popped in from Mocha Momma’s…

    “…being alone has ABSOLUTELY NO SOUND AT ALL!!! ”

    I call it the Cone of Silence. Friggin’ fantastic, that is!

    I so enjoy when my husband decides to be as dense as a fence post. I then have to remember why it was that I fell in love with him. It’s at that point that I need to hold onto that memory for dear life. ;)

  48. awwww…….I remember when…..

  49. kapgar says:

    That is a great picture of the two of you. And crazy women are the best kind to be married to. ;-)

  50. I might just be projecting or even fantasizing, but I think that the straps and hooks in the bathroom were NOT lingerie and were in fact you strapping on a dildo. To show him that if he’s not going to man up, you will!

    Am I right? Do I get a prize.

  51. Stephanie says:

    You guys are hawwwwwwt.

    Yay for your little vacay. :rock:

  52. Very cute photo. And this line–Clearly, I am the best romantic getaway date ever–is the best. I can totally relate.

  53. Dory says:

    Awwwwwww, you two are so CUTE!

  54. Nothing more than YAAAYYYY for you two!!!

    FMD

  55. Wildflower says:

    Is it odd that I would spin around in my underwear at home for several minutes when it’s just us in the home? :wtf:

    Pfft @ you with the tears stop that! :nana: You’re beautiful … and he knows it So you should too ;) I know, easier said than done right? I’m working on that little mantra for myself as well

    All in all sounds like the Best Weekend Everrr! :) Congrats!

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