If you didn’t have kids…

Let’s say, hypothetically, that you were about to find yourself without children.

For 3 weeks.

And let’s say, hypothetically, that this was the first time you have been without your children for more than a couple of days.

And let’s say, just for argument’s sake, that this was also the first time you and your husband had ever been alone in your house for more than 48 hours without kids.


In life.

Because you’ve always been Married With Kids.

What in the HELL do yo do with yourself for three weeks?!?!

I mean. You know. Hypothetically.

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  1. Stephanie says:

    Vodka. :martini:
    Toys. :spank:
    Nekkidness. :omg:


    Eating cold pizza straight out of the fridge, totally naked, at midnight, with your hubby. :peace:

    Not that this happened last night, or something. :disco:

  2. Jay says:

    There would be a lot of lying around in my boxers eating fast food, drinking beer and watching movies and TV that wasn’t created by Disney.

    Of course, I don’t have any kids, so that’s what I do already. I don’t know what married people do. ;-)

  3. B.E. Earl says:

    Scrabble is a good way to pass the time.

    Tantric sex is pretty good too.

  4. Becky says:

    In my house it would mean that my husband and I would realize that we don’t have all that much in common anymore accept for the children. And then I would try to reconnect with him and enjoy the peace and try to actually maintain a clean house for more than 5 mins!!

  5. Lisa says:

    Mhmm, hypothetically. Have fun. ;)

  6. Tracy says:

    Naked movie night. Sex wherever it suits you. Co-ed showers. More sex. Use protection, so you don’t end up with more kids. Drink wine. Eat strawberries. Watch “R” rated movies. Watch “X” rated movies. Did I mention sex?

    Oh, yeah, sleep in on the weekend. Snuggle. Go on a date. ENJOY YOURSELVES. Have fun!

  7. Amanda says:

    I can think of one thing I’d do. In every room.

  8. ANYTHING YOU WANT. Seriously. Sex whenever wherever. Leave in the middle of the night TOGETHER to just go somewhere because you want to. Sleep as late as you want as long as you don’t have to be at work by a certain time. Both of you can get out of the car to go into stores and other places instead of one person sitting in the car waiting with the kids.

    The possibilities are ENDLESS.

  9. Winter says:

    Fuck like bunnies in all the places in the house where normally you couldn’t. Ahh… such fun.

  10. martymankins says:

    Naked Drunk Slip n Slide.

    That’s just for the first day.

    You will have to figure out what else to do for the next 20 days.

    And Amanda stole my first suggestion.

  11. Sex on the dining room table. Sex on the kitchen table. Sex UNDER the tables. Sex until you can’t walk anymore. Then SHOPPING. Uninterrupted shopping with no kids to distract you. (If you can still walk after all that sex!) And baths, and reading, and writing … all uninterrupted, except by more sex of course. Also – while you’re at it, eat grown up foods without mac n cheese as a side dish!

  12. metalmom says:


  13. bluepaintred says:

    When this happens to us, we use every spare minute to have sex on every available surface, even during THE DAY!

  14. Sarah says:

    Hypothetically speaking i have no idea what you’d do, but whatever it ends up being I’m sure you’ll have fun.

  15. Really, let’s not beat around the bush here. Let’s just say straight out, what everyone is inferring: arranging flowers. In every room of the house? So sweet!

  16. Spend every moment making him SEE you. If that’s what you lack, then make it happen…Then bang his brains out. I mean, really…as though there were another answer? To go one step further, I’d say pack away the computer(s) and completely forget this blog for those 3 weeks too. Then as to the former items, rinse and repeat.

  17. manager mom says:

    I would probably sleep for about seven days straight. And then just sit in utter silence for the next couple weeks in hopes that my eardrums might regenerate.

  18. Dawn says:

    I guess laundry’s out? ;-)

  19. catnip says:

    A real date night. With all the fixins. :) And sleep, precious precious sleep.

  20. tab says:

    Lots of drinking, sleeping, and wild sex all over the house.

  21. misi says:

    Woo-hoo Briit, I’m so glad you get a break!http://miss-britt.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/lmfao.gif
    Have safe travels and email me when you wanna hang, I will clear my calendar for you babehttp://miss-britt.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif

  22. anne says:

    I echo everyone else: sleep in, lots and lots of wild, noisy sex involving all sorts of toys and contraptions you would never want the kids to see, and liberal libations.

    I mean, why would you want to do anything else? DUH. :cheese:

  23. Hmmmm….. dinners out where I don’t get sat in the “FAMILY” section.

    Watching a movie at the Theater that isn’t G or PG.

    Sex whenever you want, and not just when the kids are sleeping.

    Making something different for dinner and not worrying if the brats will eat it or not.

    And that’s just for starters…..

  24. NYCWD says:

    A Battlestar Galactica marathon with all the seasons available, an OZ marathon, a Space: Above and Beyond marathon, and of course a Star Wars Epsiodes I-VI marathon with copious amounts of popcorn, chocolate, soda, Twizzlers, and nacho cheese while in your pajamas.

    Then again… you may want to spend the time watching a Tracy Lords: Before The Legal Age marathon to get into the mood for those “adult” things everyone else is talking about.

    Oh, and fucking DisneyWorld. The ADULT side of DisneyWorld.

  25. Jennifer A says:

    Going to movies and restaurants that have no kids menus.
    Actually getting to sleep.
    actually having a conversation that does not get interrupted with “daddy stop talking, you’re loud.”
    And adult activities.

  26. Sunshine says:

    OK, this will show I’m a loser compared to everyone else.
    I would get a SHITLOAD of stuff accomplished. Unfinished projects, tasks, and then enjoying stuff like reading, watching movies, etc. All with no interruptions from four kids.
    But, at first, the quiet would take a LOT of getting used to.

  27. Poppy says:

    Have sex a lot.

    A LOT.


    But don’t tell the kids their beds are dirty.

  28. Mike says:

    We are just winding down from a week without kids. We went out every single night, tried new restaurants, went to movies and did some of that flower arrangement thing.

    If I had 3 weeks, I’d probably fly to Europe/Asia/Africa with Lovely Wife and just backpack around… They have flowers there too.

  29. I have endless “no kids in the house” since mine are all grown-ups. Yes, I’m old, dammit.

    Don’t force the endless sex. But I strongly suggest daytime naps. Naptime is wonderful.
    Especially during thunderstorms, so late afternoon is good. After the wild monkey sex, without keeping one eye and one ear open, sleep until whenever, then wake up and eat dinner, then snuggle and watch a movie with no cartoon characters in it.

    And don’t feel like something is wrong if you find yourself each wanting a little alone time.
    Sometimes I’m inside reading and husband is out on the patio playing guitar, but I still feel like were are here together.

  30. Mary Beth says:

    Other than the obligatory – ahem – flower arranging – in every room, sleep. Lot and lots of sleep.

  31. Kelley says:

    You would come over to my place and look after my children so I could do exactly what I would have planned 2 seconds after finding out that I would be kid free for the first time in 16 years…

    For God sake woman! SLEEP!!! And perhaps lots of sex and chocolate for dinner.

  32. Mrs RW says:

    This made me laugh. The NEVER happened to my while our kids were still at home. NEVER. The reality of what I would have done…the same thing I did when the kids were home: go to work, come home, make dinner, go to bed and SLEEP. Do laundry (minus the kids’). And on the weekends sleep some more. Possibly a dinner out here and there, but if the hypothetical includes unlimited money, well, then, that’s different.

    Travel, eat out every night, shop, spa package, shop, buy every book I’d ever wanted, read, shop, read and so on.

    The truth is that I didn’t want my kids to be gone for three weeks. I would’ve missed them too much. Now that they’re grown I’m glad I enjoyed them while they were with us. The few family vacations we were able to afford (3 in 20 years) were wonderful and memorable.

  33. Nat says:

    Wow. The Boy was gone for three nights a while back and while we enjoyed the free reign to come and go as we pleased. The house was really oddly empty. Honestly I’d be at a loss too.

    I’d say walk around in your underwear or naked (but I do that when The Boy in the house), sleep in, eat all that stuff the kids won’t. Have a long leisurely dinner. Go to Avitable’s house, and be as bratty as the kids are because you know he misses them too. Watch R-rated movies before 9 p.m.

    And lastly, try not to miss them too much and ignore the big hole in your life when they are gone.

  34. Trishk says:

    Sex, more sex, then more sex…

    On the second day you sleep.

    Third day, you sleep some more…

    Fourth day, you call the kids and have them sent home.

  35. diva65 says:

    Well sex of course and when that 3 minutes was over then….oh sorry. Seems like everytime we have 1 night alone we end up in a fight about something stupid. So what ever you decide just relax and enjoy :) :cheese:

  36. Stephanie says:

    AAHH This is exciting! Go out late in the middle of the night, go sing karoke in a smoky bar, go to LOTS of smoky bars, drink, dance, have drinking-and-dancing parties at home, have sex in every room of the house (except the kids rooms, obviously, ew) and ALSO just sit with each other, without the kids or the TV on, and talk, hold hands, be sweet, talk about the past, talk about the future, play BOARD GAMES (we are huge board games nerds)…and those are my ideas!

    I hope you guys have a great time. :)

  37. Sleep?

    I’m not sure, my brain snapped, popped, and fizzled out with the very thought.

    When/if thinking/seeing/feeling resumes I’ll be back with my suggestions.

  38. Wha…?

    OK, so let’s be straight here. Everyone is going to tell you to have lots-o-sex. And yes, this is a terrific plan of action for day one and day two, maybe. But come day three, let’s be honest, you are bound to fight and get all up in each other’s grill because you’re not used to all this face-to-face time and frankly you’ll be telling him to get off your jock, ’cause you need a little space. Gawd!

  39. Finn says:

    #1. Sit in the empty house and listen. Hear that? Silence. Soak it up for as long as you want.

    #2. Whatever you damn well feel like doing. And you can do it without tripping over toys on the floor.

    Pretend you’re on vacation. What would you do then? Can you afford a long weekend away, just the two of you? To the beach? ‘Tis the season of the cheap hotel rates outside of Orlando…

  40. 1) Perfect the fine art of oral sex.
    2) Scream each other’s names, a lot.
    3) See movies, go to dinners in places you’ve never been, cook romantic dinners together.
    4) Explore areas in and around your city you haven’t seen.
    5) Play strip poker.
    6) Talk.
    7) Sleep in.
    8) Visit friends you haven’t seen in a while.
    9) Host a party or 5.
    10) Work on projects you have been putting off, whether on the hosue or crafty stuff….

    I really could go on and on….
    Have fun!

  41. Sybil Law says:

    My kid is gone too! Well, ’til tomorrow.
    Anyway, everyone’s already said the sex part. Which is important, but so is just getting used to and enjoying the quiet time. Then getting things doen you can’t get done with two kids.
    Oh -and don’t forget the birth control, or else you’ll welcome another little one! Haha Wait that’s not funny.

  42. I think Karen pretty much nailed it…I only had 7 days and I managed to accomplish most of that list…if I had more than 7 days without kids, I would have also had a party and visited with friends.

    I also suggest try to READ A BOOK, ALL THE WAY THROUGH, without stopping unless YOU want to.

    I read 4 books this week hehehe…

  43. Yeah yeah flower arranging….
    But what about the rest of your life?
    Like people said:
    sleep! Watch R rated movies!
    Have a party with friends!
    Make a point of trying to do fun things together and re-discover why you fell in love in the first place! Enjoy the house being clean!
    Eat popcorn for dinner because you don’t have to cook a good meal for the family! Swear!

  44. JustMe says:

    Karen Sugarpants nailed it with her number 1!!!!

    Do whatever Miss Britt and Mr. Britt…sorry Jared…wanna do!

    I just had 1 week with no kids and all I did was sleep….cause its the first time in 10 years that I actually could sleep.


  45. JustMe says:

    Hypothetically of course

  46. Mrs. G. says:

    Make an agreement to table all annoyances and deep topics of discussion-back in the day when my husband and I would get a night without kids, we would end up fighting about whatever shit had been building up while the kids were around.

    Other than that: movies, books, walks, dinners-all naked.

  47. Turnbaby says:

    Take a deep breath and enjoy each other–be that however it comes.

    Let him catch up to you sugar–so he can see you.

  48. Almost 20 years ago, Michael and I were in the same kind of position. We’d never had any family nearby to help us when the boys were sick… or whatever. When we moved to TN, Mom figured our half-way point was Exit 13 on I-75 in Lexington, KY. We always met at the McDonald’s. Fortunately, I didn’t have to drive 10 hours to get to the half-way point. Enjoy your time alone with your husband, and cherish each other. You don’t need to to do anything “special” every day. Just being together is the best part.

  49. maman says:

    Hmmm… I blog.. while my husband looks at porn. But as you can tell we have a highly functional relationship

  50. Special K says:

    Body shots
    Body sundaes
    “no clothes day”
    “hide the popcicle”
    Nekkid Twister

    Just a few.
    No need to thank me, I take Paypal….

  51. Of cpirse. O ecjp a;; tje stiff anpit:

    Ha! My hands were one off fro, the home keys, but it looks so cool I can’t erase it. Anyway…

    Ouf course, I echo all the stuff about restraint-free sex… No more volume control! but…

    Go out randomly. Go to a movie on the spur of the moment. Do whatever random shit you feel like doing without PLANNING. Shop. Forget something and leisurely go back to pick it up. Thank kind of thing.

    I’m so sleepy, I should have probably LEFT my hands in the one-off position.

  52. What a bunch of repressed nymphos here. ha!

    I suspect the high of sex when and wherever would wear off after the few first days. So would seeing each other naked for that long. Unless you’re a repressed nympho too, then listen to the other repressed nymphos? hehe

  53. Blue Streak says:

    I would do all of the following:

    1). Consume unlikely amounts of alcohol.

    2). Have a ridiculous amount of sex in all its imaginable forms.

    3). Stare at a wall and zen out.

    4). Eat whatever the hell I wanted.

    5). Have a party – a big one. With kegs.

    6). Read a book cover to cover without being disturbed.


  54. Donna L. says:

    Enough with the flower arranging already! We need a new post.

    P.S. Who is/was Johnny?

  55. Crys says:

    sex in every room every day for three weeks straight. is that wrong?

  56. DutchBitch says:

    Ehm.. dunno.. I have that problem every year… when The Kid spends 3 weeks summer break with his dad… I don’t even know what to do with myself (and I don’t even have The Guy here)… let alone tell you what to do!!!

    Have fun though, whatever you do!

  57. Pamela says:

    Three weeks is a long ass time. I can’t even imagine that. My brain is all stuck on the thought of it, and there are no suggestions to be offered. Good luck and have fun!

  58. Kristin says:

    Ummm……fly to Ohio and see me!?
    Have a good time!

  59. I have no idea. I’ve been married with a child since I was 19. I often wonder what this outside world people speak of is?

  60. Kellyn says:

    Well, if you are my husband you get pnuemonia (sp) and strep…so that your wife is lonely all week long that the kids are gone. But again, that is just my hubby. lol

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