On Toilet Paper And Violating My Family’s Privacy Online

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

My husband has a thing about butt squeezing. Squeezing my butt in particular. He tried to explain this fascination to me a few nights ago.

Him: I just… it’s squeezable! Ya know?

Me: Yeah, I get it. It’s squishy.

Him: No, no, that’s good – it’s squeeezable!

Me:
Like a new roll of toilet paper. Awesome.

Him: Hey, don’t knock toilet paper. I love a new roll of toilet paper.

And then we laughed and laughed over the fact that my ass reminded my husband of a glorious roll of toilet paper.

Me:
God I hope I remember this conversation in the morning.

Him: Oh shit. You’re going to blog this, aren’t you? Sometimes I feel like I’m being recorded.

And that’s what the rest of this post is about.

I didn’t ask my husband’s permission to start this blog. In fact, I’d probably been writing it for months he looked at the URL himself. I wasn’t hiding it, but neither of us thought of it as any big deal.

He still doesn’t.

Occasionally he’ll make a joke when I get a gift or an ad check in the mail and tell me I need to get my ass back on that computer and start earning my keep. He would also like me to tell you that if anyone wants to send him a motorcycle, he will buy his own helmet. And he doesn’t come right out and say so, but I get the impression that he thinks it’s cute that his wife has made friends on the Internet. That (and a “mmhh, that’s nice honey” response once in a while) is about the extent of his fascination with the Internet.

I obviously didn’t ask my children’s permission before I started this blog either. Nor did I discuss their privacy when I started talking about them. Because they are my children and I am the parent and I get to rely on my own judgment to make that call.

No, this blog was not a family project at all.

This blog was for me. It was about me and my perspective and my outlet.

And it may very well have stayed that way if people hadn’t started actually reading it.

But they did start reading. They read about me and my life. And about what motherhood is like for me. And about my marriage through my eyes. And about all of the various people in my life – as written by me.

And, as is the nature of the blog, they started to have an opinion on me… and my life.

It started off well.

All the encouragement and well wishes and LOLs were aimed squarely at me in the beginning, as rightful owner of The Blog. But because I wrote about my family, the commentary started to extend to them as well.

“Ooh, you’re husband is hot!” they’d say. And Jared would prance around the house and say “damn right I am. Those people know what’s up!”

“Hey, someone said I was cute too,” I’d remind him. And he’d concede that “well, yeah, you’re not bad. But clearly they’re coming back for this tasty piece of man meat,” and continue with his I’m So Fine Rooster Dance.

Overall, everyone was happy.

Of course, you can’t put your life out on the Internet and expect that everyone will love you forever.

Wait. That’s a lie. You can very much expect that everyone will love you because why the hell wouldn’t they want to bask in the glow of my awesomeness? But the Internet will be quick to point out the naivete of your ways.

Oh yes, the Internet – with it’s anonymous haters, not at all anonymous haters, religious well meaning bigots, and just plain ol’ run of the mill crazies – will readily remind you that you are not, in fact, universally adored. At all.

And nothing is off limits. The very same topics that you discuss candidly in front of a supportive community are fair game to the hecklers. You cannot enjoy the emails applauding the stamina of your marriage without having to endure the misguided speculation about your relationship being a dysfunctional farce. You don’t get to read the comments about how cute you are if you dare to put your face in the public eye without having to swallow the playground level digs about anything that is perceived as being “wrong” with you.

As Mrs. Garrett would say, you take the good, you take the bad, you take it all and there you have, the Facts of Life.

While this is something *I* have come to terms with in regards to how it relates to and affects me, I’ve started to think seriously about what I’ve dragged my family into without their express consent.

I’ve asked Jared about this. I’ve told him that people will say that I’m a bad wife and that our marriage is a sham. I’ve told him that some people think that Adam and I are having an affair. And his usual response is to roll his eyes and snort a little before stopping and pretending to appear very concerned.

“Wait. Do they still think I’m hot?”

“Well, yes babe. But they are also saying that your wife is sleeping with another man and that your marriage is a lie.”

“Heh. Awesome. Even crazy people think I’m hot. What can I say? I’ve got Universal Appeal, baby!”

And then there is more rooster dancing.

Obviously I can’t discuss this seriously with him.

But I wonder, am I setting up the people who mean the most to me to be fodder for someone else’s criticism? It’s already too easy for strangers to forget that they are not merely mocking a blogger, but that they are ripping on the family life of two innocent children. My husband – who is not only innocent in all this, but shamelessly supportive of it – has already had his ability to think for himself called into question publicly.

And how far will it go?

I’ve read some horrendous crap about Dooce’s daughter and Sweetney’s family. And while my first thought was “wow, that’s pretty fucking low, those are just kids people are slamming!”, I also conceded that their parents put them out into the world to be judged. Certainly they didn’t expect anyone to judge them cruelly (because seriously – kids!), but that was a naive idealism they were quickly cured of.

Is it just a matter of time before someone starts bashing my kids for something?

Is Jared prepared to deal with the harsh reality that someone might not think he’s hot?

It’s one thing for me to say, “meh, some people don’t like me. Some people do. Such is life.”

But is it fair for me to make that decision for anyone else?

————————————————————————————-
Speaking of how I am The Queen Of The Segues, tomorrow Avitable and I will be discussing being Open vs. being Guarded. I wonder who will be falling on what side of THAT issue. Listen to this week’s episode at 9pm EST or download last week’s to catch up at TalkShoe!

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  1. avitable says:

    What if you write a post about your mailman and they make fun of him? Or a neighbor? There will always be peripheral people in any blog post, and just because Jared and the kids tend to show up more frequently doesn’t mean that the blog still isn’t completely about you.

    And on another note, you were great in bed today, what with the having sex and violating the sanctity of our marriage and everything.

  2. little_lj says:

    Shit! I forgot to buy toilet paper!!

  3. Sybil Law says:

    Hmmm…. I think my answer is…
    I don’t know.
    But I’ve got your back if someone fucks with you or your family.
    Also, what Avitable said.
    And I am excited to hear the next show! Wooohoo!

  4. My mind and your mind, they’s like one universal mind.
    ;-)

    Been debating this for months. Still no good answer.

  5. Hilly says:

    There are always people who are going to make fun of others. I feel like letting them run us out of town or rather “off the page” is sort of like letting them win at their evil games. It’s what they want, too.

    Besides all of that, I think you just keep the communication lines open with Jared if you feel a line does get crossed. Does he care? Does he feel what is being said about him is hurtful? I know that sometimes I am way more sensitive to what others say about my loved ones than they are so I just keep asking how they feel and hope it all turns out okay!

  6. Sheila says:

    Oh, c’mon, the entire world thinks Jared is hot. Its common knowledge, really. :heartbeat:

  7. Fantastagirl says:

    It hurts when you put it all out there and someone comes along, and not only hurts you, but the ones you love.

    I don’t have any answers, wish I did.

    Hugs

  8. Ms. Karen says:

    This sort of thing makes me think I’m glad my blog isn’t popular.

  9. Willie G says:

    I have very mixed feelings about all of this. You are incredibly open with your life, and you tell us that you have covered all your bases with your husband and kids and that everything is good in Britt and Jared land. But what if it really gets rough? You are very in tune with your family. That is obvious. Will you be able to pick up the pieces if they are crucified? As parents and spouses we envision being able to protect those that we love. What if we can’t? Will Jared be ok with it all when he’s bleeding? When Devon and Emma are bleeding? You cannot trust your readers to take care of your family. That part is up to you. I think about these things every time I hit “publish.”

  10. Kate says:

    So some bigot at the back of beyond has no life of his own and is hateful about others. Well… so what? Nobody actually walks up to your husband and your kids and hurts them. And if they did, then – and only then -would I start worrying.
    And as long as your husband doesn’t think you’re having an affair, you shouldn’t give a f*ck about who does.
    Take only the good stuff seriously!

  11. Maria says:

    I think that no matter what you write about there will be haters. Misery loves company and all that. So no answers from me, but lots of sympathy.

  12. SciFi Dad says:

    I struggle with this from time to time as well. Part of the reason my wife and I blog under pseudonyms without proper images is because of everything you mention above, that it places a (very weak) barrier between “the real us” and “the blog us”.

    I don’t write about my wife often, and when I do it’s more of a universally appreciable post (generally some sort of slant on the Mars/Venus thing, or – right now – the insanity of pregnancy hormones).

    As for my daughter, I used to write a lot more about her, but I’ve started to become concerned that she will be embarrassed by some of what I’m sharing, so I try to follow the same general rules I have with my wife.

    I don’t know if that answers your question or not…

  13. Did you just fucking quote MRS. GARRETT? You ought to win some sort of award for that because now I AM basking in your awesomeness. I was suddenly shipped back to my late grade school days and wishing I was Jo.
    *grabs Britt’s ass*
    I have the trainer when your radio show is on tomorrow so I’ll catch it later. :)

  14. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: *snort*

    little_lj: I hope you have spare Kleenex. Or paper towels.

    Sybil Law: :lol: yeah? Are we all gonna rumble? hehehehe

    Sarcastic Mom: well, if your mind happens to speed up and figure that one out – will you let mine know? It’s slow.

    Hilly: I’m no worried about being run off the page. *I* am not going anywhere.

    But I am wondering if I should talk about my family less.

    Sheila: he will be so relieved!

    Fantastagirl: thanks for the hugs sweetie – but this is all hypothetical.

    No one has actually gone after my kids or my husband.

    I just wonder if it’s fair for me to take that chance with them. Does that make sense?

    Ms. Karen: i won’t lie – the more people are reading, the more you are tempted to censor yourself.

    Willie G: “you tell us that you have covered all your bases with your husband and kids and that everything is good in Britt and Jared land.”

    I do?? Damn. I thought I was being pretty honest about how very NOT “everything is good” life was. It’s not catastrophic – but it’s pretty fucking normal for a married couple in their twenties with two kids. You know what I mean?

    Or do you mean in regards to the blog?

    Because in that respect – yeah.. I don’t know. I can tell you the last person who crossed the line with my kids experienced.. well.. let’s just say it was swift. And effective.

    Kate: “Nobody actually walks up to your husband and your kids and hurts them. And if they did, then – and only then -would I start worrying.”

    That’s a good point.

    Maria: no sympathy needed, but thank you. ;-) And you’re absolutely right – the haters just come with the territory. That’s the point I was trying to make.

    I was just wondering if I should drag my family into THAT territory.

    SciFi Dad: yeah, I think I will definitely start thinking twice about what I post.

    Karen Sugarpants: dude, Mrs. Garrett is DA BOMB!!! She’d know what to do!

  15. People suck. There are always going to be mean spirited people no matter where you go. Ignore them. They just are miserable and need an outlet.

    This is what I say to them: :nana:

  16. Kate says:

    I do not have an answer for you.
    I wish I did. I think really it’s a personal choice that you have to make based on your values. But truly I just don’t know.

    I have to say though.. I laughed about people thinking you and Adam were having an affair, because.. I thought that at first about you and Karl. But the more I read, I realized he’s just a nice guy and you have an awesome friendship.

    I can’t believe I wrote that right here for everyone to read – but yeah, that’s what I thought. I never told you because, I know I can be wrong and I didn’t want to judge you.

    I’m glad I was wrong, btw, because.. one thing I love about reading your blog, is you have decent values and I respect you for that.

  17. This is one of the main reasons I quit.

    Even though I rarely talked about my family, even though I used pseudonyms for the kids, even though I went to great lengths to stretch a gauzy veil over my real life, it was still a highly personal place and I still felt the blows deeply. And the bottom line was, I asked for it by opening myself up.

    So I shut myself down.

    I know you won’t, and you shouldn’t, and I don’t mean to be such a downer. But in my specific case, the more readers I had, the less “me” I became on the blog — and then I started asking myself what the point was.

    Life is ever evolving. I know you’ll continue to make good decisions and when/if the time ever comes that you need to protect your family, well… I feel sorry for the other guy. ;)

  18. NYCWD says:

    I think this is something that evolves with the blogger as both they and their blogs evolve.

    While it is nice to think that everyone on the Internet is sweet as pie, there are quite some unsavory characters out here. I think that as bloggers we place such a high moral value on transparency and honesty, that sometimes we forget that not everyone is as transparent and honest as we are… nor are their intentions.

    Personally, I have read some pretty horrible things about people I know, and I know not to believe them because they are, in my opinion wrong. I’ve also read some pretty horrible things about myself and my family, and while the kneejerk reaction is “Ouch”… I know that it is coming from someone who either doesn’t know me and I therefore don’t know, which therefore makes their “criticism” more of an opinion… of which opinions are like assholes… and everyone has one.

    However, I was a bit struck by this comment from Kate:

    Nobody actually walks up to your husband and your kids and hurts them. And if they did, then – and only then -would I start worrying.

    By the time that happens, IF it happens, then it is far too late. Hence why maintaining a certain level of privacy/anonymity on the ‘Net is not necessarily a bad thing.

  19. natalie says:

    i think about this same thing. my blog isn’t nearly as popular as yours, but it seems there are more and more readers everyday. i thought about going back and changing everyones’ name to some pseudonym, but i’ve been blogging for over 2 years. that’s a lot of posts to fix. for now i have decided not to worry about it. so far i haven’t really gotten any mean comments or anonymous trolls. so far everyone has been nice. i wonder how long that will last though.

  20. Poppy says:

    I didn’t ask permission to start my blog. I kept it from all family and friends for quite a while. In fact, right now, very few of my family and local friends know the web address. Zero of them read it on a regular basis, or at least zero of them read it and make ANY sort of comment to me about anything they read on the blog.

    It’s really great to have a blogger as a boyfriend, but sometimes I wonder how he feels about learning certain stuff from my blog instead of from me directly. The entire world is getting to see that information at the same time or ahead of him. Is that really fair? I dunno. I guess it depends on the information. If I announced to the world before telling him that I had some sort of incurable disease I’m pretty sure that’d be stepping over a boundary.

    I think about closing up blog shop quite a bit. I think about it because it’s healthy to re-evaluate things in your life from time to time, to make sure they are still working the way you hoped. So far my blog is still plugging along nicely as my way to express myself or to get some feedback from friends when I need it. If it ever starts me a source of constant obligation and/or pain or it jeopardizes relationships with people I care about I will exit gracefully. (At least, that’s my plan.)

  21. HHH doesn’t understand why I blog either. He could care less. I tried to tell him about it one day, but he just didn’t understand….. and I wasn’t going to waste valuable blogging time to make him understand. He’s mainly only interested in why I don’t blog about our sex life more often.

    I try to keep the more weird stuff concerning my family out of the head lines, but when they piss me off, fair game baby! After all, this is my blog where I vent and bitch and make myself feel better!

  22. Robin says:

    No offense, I might expect this to happen to popular blogs (not that I think it should at all) but I had always thought the less popular ones would just be ignored…not true. It’s like comparing the popularity of Lindsay Lohan vs. her sidekick that nobody knows the real name of. I guess these days anyone and everyone is up for grabs.

    Speaking of grabs, ironically today I posted about a conversation with my husband and his groping ;)

  23. trishk says:

    I started blogging because I was reading some blogs and everyone seemed so friendly, supportive and funny. I felt odd commenting without having a blog for them to go back to, to kind of “meet” me. So I started one, just over a year ago.

    I’ve met some great people. But I am also a bit of a chicken. I’m not sure how I would react to someone literally attacking what I would say. I get very defensive, very quickly. So I blog safe topics, ones that I am comfortable with.

    Maybe after I do this a bit longer, I will go out on the limb more.

  24. Tiffany says:

    People will judge you and your family no matter the situation. You could be walking down the street and somebody could talk about your kids. They wouldn’t come up to you and say anything but on here they can hide behind a name and feel all big and bad. They are just cowards who like to stir the pot. I say forget them and just do what makes you happy. We’re all judged 24/7 so you just need to be yourself and not worry about others.

  25. B.E. Earl says:

    Actually, I only come by here because I think your husband is hot.

    And for all the vagina talk.

  26. Robin says:

    TrishK, you and me both only I was attacked.

  27. Selma says:

    Yeah, Jared is hot, and I’m a dirty old woman for thinking so. But when you’ve got it, you’ve got it. :D

  28. Really, when you think about it, is the internet gossipy put down talk any worse than the grocery store/PTA/beauty shop gossipy talk that already goes on in the world?

    Same shit, different venue.

  29. i love that you and jared KNOW where you stand with each other. you communicate. sometimes the blog forces you to talk to each other, other times it is because you just do seeing as how that is how britt “is”, but the fact is you guys talk about your feelings. that is spectacular and more marriages could benefit from truly communicating with each other.

    i guess what i am trying to say is those of us who comment here all the time will tell you good things most of the time, but we will also call you on your shit or hold a mirror up and ask you to look at it. we will (hopefully) do it in a manner that is respectful and with love, even if it isn’t the “omg, best post ever you rock” comment. anyone else should be easily identifiable as a whackjob and easily dismissed.

    am i making any sense here? i drank a lot of beer last night and am STILL cloudy. hell, i haven’t even posted myself yet today.

    oh, and if you have an affair with adam, i so wanna join in the fun. the more the merrier, right?

  30. Finn says:

    If a tree falls in the forest and nobody’s there, does it still make a sound? And quite frankly does it even matter?

    People probably make judgements about your marriage and your kids, etc. every time you leave the house. You just don’t get to hear it. If someone slams Jared or your kids and they don’t read it, don’t know about it, is it important?

    I don’t want to discount what you’re feeling, but ignorance in this case is bliss. Ultimately you are the one who is subjected to all of this — if you can’t blow off the moronic rantings about the people you love then you have to stop talking about them here. Otherwise you just have to grow a thicker skin where they are concerned.

    Although Dawg does have a point. If you’ve been getting scary e-mail it’s a whole ‘nother story.

  31. Tink says:

    Great post! I’ve worried about the same. How much is too much information?

    I’ve given my URL to the people closest to me… do they read it? No. So on that aspect, why should I worry about if anything is too much?

    I’ve asked hubby for his perspective & he could really care less. He’s not even worried about the crazies that might hunt us down. I guess he feels that I’ll have judgment enough to make the right decision.

    But what happens if I don’t?? ugh… maybe after another cup of coffee I’ll figure it all out. Maybe not. I will say though that your ability to communicate with Jared is inspiring.

  32. Lynda says:

    Wait a sec…

    You are having an affair with Adam? Because a woman or man can’t be friend with someone who is the opposite sex, they can only screw them? What a bunch of bullshit, pardon my French.

    As for your kids, I don’t think you put them out there that much. I think as a mom, you may feel the need to protect them, but people are going to think what they are going to think. And honestly, I think we only put out there as much as we want people to know, and people are going to draw their own conclusions from that.

    What’s that thing about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes?

  33. Robina says:

    I guess I’m completely naive as well. I didn’t know that complete strangers would judge, and say bad things about people’s kids!!!!! Good Lord. I don’t even know what to say about this.

  34. Lynda says:

    Also, I think Jared should buy you this shirt:

    http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/6388/

    :lol: :wink:

  35. Miss Britt says:

    Mrs. Schmitty: yeah, I know that. My question isn’t whether I can :nana: them, it’s whether I have the right to :nana: them on someone else’s behalf.

    Kate: you thought KARL and I were sleepig together?? hehehehhehehehehehhehehehehhehehehe

    I’m sorry. I realize that had to be uncomfortable to write. But that just cracks me up so much since the first time Karl ever came to my house, my entire family was there!

    Well, that and Karl is a fucking NAZI about infedility. Seriously. (I know you have no way of knowing that, it’s just funny and ironic because I do know that.)

    maggie, dammit: I miss you and your blog so much Maggie. But if the alternative is for you to become any less fabulously sensitive than you are right now in order for you to maintain it – well, then, no. Then I will miss you but be glad that you got to keep that part of you.

    NYCWD: you actually make a good point that is helpful in this instance.

    Because I have, finally, learned what my husband has been telling me for YEARS about some people’s opinions just not mattering. I’ve learned that through the evolution of me and this blog.

    But.. well… as I said… he’s been telling me that for YEARS. In other words, I highly doubt he would feel like he needed me to “protect” him from anything.

    natalie: I hope it last forever sweetie. But if it doesn’t, I hope you can learn through other people’s experiences to be able to put it all into perspective.

    Poppy: “I think about it because it’s healthy to re-evaluate things in your life from time to time, to make sure they are still working the way you hoped.”

    Exactly.

    blondefabulous: I think our husbands could have quite a good time talking about ANYTHING BESIDES THOSE STUPID ASS BLOGS! LOL

    Robin: no offense taken – I’d always assumed that too. I figured if I just kept my head down and focused on ME, why would anyone care?? But. Well. Um. I guess not.

    I’m sorry babe. I know this came as a big shock for you. The first time is the hardest.

    trishk: I think it’s OK to be safe, as long as you’re getting what you need from it.

    But I will say this – having to deal with trolls and haters and blah blah blah has not been all bad. Like anything else in life, you learn a lot about yourself in the process.

    In my REAL life, I’ve always had a hard time when someone hated me for no reason that made sense to me. Going through this on the Internet helped me to grow up in that regard. A lot.

    Tiffany: that’s a good point – and one I often make in regards to putting my kids’ picture online.

    B.E. Earl: damn it. I can’t stomach the idea of him being right on this!!

    Selma: I am dying here. DYING! :lol:

    blondefabulous: that’s true – and there’s no way for me to protect them from that. What am I going to do, lock them in the house?

    hello haha narf: I never worry about the input from people I’m close to. I trust you and know your intentions. I know you hold up that mirror out of love and I’m grateful that you trust ME enough to do it. Same goes for if you ever had an opinion on my loved ones.

    Finn: that is also a very good point. It’s not like any of them are going to be surfing the Internet to see if someone is calling them ugly. (And I suspect if they did – in Jared’s case anyway – he would laugh and laugh and laugh.)

    Tink: I think we should listen to our husbands more.

    (If you ever tell anyone I said that I will cut you.)

    Lynda: yeah, I know. I’ve never had a male friend that someone hasn’t accused me of sleeping with. That’s not exclusive to the Internet. The Internet just likes to say it with a self righteous authorative voice as if they KNOW. People in real life at least have the good sense to admit it’s just gossip. ;-)

    Robina: well, we of The Naive Bunch should stick together. And sing Kumbaya. And have Brittinis! ;-)

    Lynda: and he should borrow it and wear it to work. hahahahahhaa

  36. Sybil Law says:

    That’s it – new tee shirt –
    WWMGD?
    What Would Mrs. Garret Do?
    Hahaha :lmao:

  37. I worry about this. My blog is growing and I have been random-trolled already and it wasn’t so nice. You think you’ll just blow it off as “weird creepo who happened upon me” but it was harder than I thought to roll with it. And he was talking about me, not my family.

    When the person with the answer comments, do post it tomorrow so I can read what to do.

  38. kapgar says:

    Can we get a YouTube video of that rooster dance?

    Katie grills me all the time about whether or not something she said or did will wind up on my blog. I try to be careful about it. Nothing that would damage her or her reputation especially since she’s going into teaching. But you never really know, right?

    As for your radio show, your slug above makes it sound like it’s tonight. But it’s tomorrow, isn’t it (Talkshoe agrees)? Wednesday. Today’s only Tuesday, right? Oh God I hope it’s only Tuesday or I slept through some serious shit at work.

  39. Like you said, you’re the parent and you make the judgment call. Candy Ass always follows up some crass remark with “you’re not going to put that on The Blog, are you” or precedes some action with “OK, but this isn’t blog material.” But basically, using a certain level of common sense, most of life is blogworthy because, frankly, life is funny. And being honest about it? That’s called keepin’ it real.

  40. AmyD says:

    If all is cool at home and your husband doesn’t care… what the hell do you care what anyone on the internet thinks? Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a damn joke.

    This world could use a humor enema.

    Bunch of constipated fucks out there.

  41. Maureen says:

    SciFi Dad said:

    My teen nephews & stepdaughter came up with a new playground insult a couple years back, that I try to remember whenever I blog about my kids… It’s simply this, “Your mama blogs about you!” :p

  42. Maureen says:

    OK – previous comment was meant to quote SciFi Dad saying “As for my daughter, I used to write a lot more about her, but I’ve started to become concerned that she will be embarrassed by some of what I’m sharing”

    I am a dork

  43. carrying a big stick says:

    An interesting topic…

    As I see it there are two disparate issues here. The first is of your husband. This would seem a non issue to me, given A). He is old enough to have built up the “calluses” of the world and also his seeming disinterest in blogging and the internet allow him to say Fuck It. and B). If it started to get to him, you two could sit down and have a rational discussion on whether or not you were having an affair, then he can make a rational decision on whether he believes you or not. This is not the case with the kids because, A). they are not allowed to say the F-word because it’s a bad word. and B). As I recall, the a-holes in your class will not sit and have a rational discussion of their planned topics of ridicule with you. This probably isn’t an issue yet, but because of the semipermanent nature of the internet, could arise in the future. If anyone in my junior high class had discovered a piece of paper in my house with the word dildo written on it, it could have been socially catastrophic. Let alone having a classmate discover a story written by my mom in which she describes a box of of dildos which she OWNS. How long before one of their computer savvy classmates googles “vagina”;)

  44. Stephanie says:

    THIS kind of stuff is the whole reason I have a love-hate relationship with blogging. When I was single and dating people, I didn’t mind including boyfriends or whoever in the post if it was necessary. But about a month or two into our marriage, I totally shut down the blog that I had, and since then I’ve attempted to start one or two that never lasted more than two or three posts. It’s such an interesting hurdle to overcome, but I do want to say I think you’re doing a really great job at leaping over it.

    PS-I looooved this:
    “Wait. Do they still think I’m hot?”

    “Well, yes babe. But they are also saying that your wife is sleeping with another man and that your marriage is a lie.”

    “Heh. Awesome. Even crazy people think I’m hot. What can I say? I’ve got Universal Appeal, baby!”

  45. Maria says:

    I am much less guarded on the blog than I am in real life. It has a version of a safety net attached, because you don’t see the physical reactions to people. It’s not quite as personal, even though what you may discuss is quite personal.

  46. You may or may not know, that my blog is completely anonymous. I blog about my children a lot, particularly my challenging youngest child. But I don’t share our names, and I very, very rarely post pictures of them. It’s common knowledge that I live in Georgia, but not where.

    The reason for all this, is that a few years back, I was in a position where I, my Husband and my children, who were completely innocent, came under fire from a few internet crazies. NOTHING was sacred to them, not even my children, whom they mocked and lampooned mercilessly.

    I have a thick skin. I couldn’t have cared less about the things they were saying about me. But when they targeted my kids…that hurt more than I ever could have imagined.

    So I’ve done it both ways. I think unless a person experiences what I did, there’s a false sense of security that exists. A lot of people feel safe on the internet because they’re not sitting face to face with those they are interacting with.

    But it’s not safe. The internet is really the last bastion of “anything goes” where people can say and do just about anything without any repercussions. And they do. That societal filter is nonexistent online. And it can result in some very nasty circumstances.

    Just my .02. If I get a chance, I’ll listen in. I think it will be extremely interesting.

  47. Oh, yeah baby! Jared is soooo hawt! Not as hot as my husband or Sean Connery, but hot. And? Post that Rooster Dance as a vlog. Please? I hate to beg!

    What would be upsetting for me is seeing slander about me and my loved ones on another’s blog – a place I can’t control. On my blog I can delete nasty comments. On someone else’s blog or Web site, there would be nothing I could do. That’s probably my biggest fear.

    But just as all the other commenters have stated before me… fuck ‘em!

    And? If you are fucking Adam? Does that mean you’ll get a raise?

  48. Miss Britt says:

    Sybil Law: oh I am so making that fucker tonight.

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas: the first time is always the hardest. And you’re always surprised at how you respond – especially after everyone has said “oh that’s dumb, don’t worry about”. It’s easier to say when it’s not you they are talking about.

    But honestly – it gets easier, not harder.

    kapgar: all kidding aside, I would never say anything that would actually HURT Jared – either with his job, his family, etc. I might discuss things that his family wouldn’t openly discuss at dinner – but, I’m OK with that. ;-)

    Undomestic Diva: I absolutely agree. And I think common sense, along with your own comfort zone, can be trusted in most cases.

    AmyD: hehehehehhehe – and if anyone ever wonders why you are mah BFF – well, I think this clears up a lot.

    Maureen: that’s pretty good actually.

    carrying a big stick: an interesting IP address. And? Oh. My. God. I cannot believe you are commenting here. Ohhhh the irony.

    Now, regarding, your comment:

    You’re right. Kids get ridiculed for things you can never predict. And because of that, I think trying to live your life to avoid being made fun of is unnecessarily stifling. And fruitless.

    More to the point, I think living MY life specifically to avoid my KIDS getting made fun of is entirely pointless. My kids are going to get to that age where they hate the fact that I breathe funny. And while I do not have a “box of dildos” (Oh. My. God.), if I did – that wouldn’t be any different than a bunch of little boys finding some kid’s dad’s stack of dirty magazines.

    I know for some people that is a foreign idea. My husband, just as a totally random example, grew up in a house that most people would think offered very little in the way of “things to be teased about”. At least, that’s how I saw it. And yet, I remember him being absolutely HORRIFIED when his Mom tried to bring me popcorn once. HORRIFIED. You’d think she’d whipped out a box of dildos or something.

    Stephanie: thank you. I definitely have more of an appreciation for what a balancing act it is and some people have such a hard time with it.

    Maria: yeah, I think some people aren’t as strongly affected by “just words” as others. I obviously am. Affected, that is.

    Blog Antagonist: I did know you were completely anonymous. And you somehow still manage to write “about your life”, so to speak.

    Hearing stories like yours freak me the hell out. Did the tormenting remain online, or venture off as well?

    CMG: yeah, it is hard to read it when you can delete it. And it’s realllly hard to read the shit that’s not true. Because your knee jerk reaction is to run in and defend yourself – but for what? Most of those places aren’t interested in “the truth” anyway.

  49. Kay says:

    Not me. I just judge in my head. But no anyone on my “list”. :nana: Seriously I think we need pics of the hubby so we can make a rational decision. Hot or not? :clap:

  50. Tink says:

    Ok – - I think I just had the poo scared out of me. :-) No worries… secret’s safe. Wait a tic… we’re online. Doh!

  51. Foo says:

    Looking forward to the being “Open” vs. being “Guarded” discussion. I had someone steal my online photos, create a profile on AOL and write about her life using my blog stories and my dog’s real name. She met someone through the personals and had a phone relationship with him for 6 plus months. She disapeared because they were getting close to meeting. He tracked her down doing an internet search on Foo (dumbshit never changed the names of the photos on her profile) – he found me, sent me an email asking why I broke up with him and the rest scared the living crap out of me. Putting yourself out there is risky, but the benefits of brain dumping… outweigh for me.

  52. Cap says:

    I think Jared’s hot and I’m not even straight. Which I think says something about his level of hotness … or my level of desperation. :rolleyes:

    You’re the only one who can find the line you don’t want to cross. You have to be comfortable with yourself and your family should be okay with it … other than that, it’s none of our business, even if we’re reading it daily. Ya know?

  53. Turnbaby says:

    The fact of the matter is that it really is not that far removed from small town church gossip–everybody either knows and/or speculates about your business.

    More often than not what they don’t know they make up.

    I know

    I read stuff that was LAUGHABLE in the lack of factual accuracy and yet full of self-righteous venom.

    So sugar–I have to echo Becky—she put a pretty fine point on my sentiments too.

    Oh

    and

    don’t take this the wrong way

    but

    Jared.Is.Hot.

    :cheese:

  54. Keep doing what you are doing.

    You are doing it for yourself, so fuck anyone that thinks they know how to live YOUR life. Tell them to go out and actually live their own damn lives and get THEIR shit together before they start judging you.

  55. This has been said ad nauseum above, but you can’t live your life based on what other people think about you or those closest to you. Everyone brings their own bag or neuroses to the table. Some people allow it to be an anchor, while others use it to beat down others instead of facing their own failings. Life is universally difficult and unfair, but we make it worse for ourselves when we let others dictate how we feel about who we are and what we do with our lives.

    You’re a painfully honest and open person with complete strangers, which says a great deal about your character in a world where having character is becoming increasingly rare. Don’t worry about what other people think. Write on, intrepid blogger.

  56. Amy says:

    There will always be ignorant people no matter where you go or what you do in life. I guess I have a bad attitude about it all cause my opinion is:

    I lived 40 years without you in my life and if you want to be an ass – I can live the next 40 without you too. It didn’t kill me in the first 40- I sure won’t die in the next if you’re not part of my life.

    If it’s someone who doesn’t know you making a judgement= then who are they? No one!

    Love your blog!

  57. Bec says:

    A while ago I posted a picture of my brother and I got a (to me) quite scary and involved email asking if my brother was single, straight, looking etc. There was a link on the email to the lady in question’s blog. She was 30 years older than him. Now I believe age should have no barriers so I forwarded the email to the bro.

    He came to me about a week later and told me to just tell him if anyone thought he was hot… but never to show him the emails again… unless they were hot too.

    He looks on my blog as his personal dating site. The rest of my family and friends just assume no one reads it. Which is fine with me.

    This is my longwinded way of saying you keep doing what you like, and only stop if it feels uncomfortable.

    And block the IP addresses of any fuckers that mess with your family.

  58. Zube says:

    Wow, thank you Miss Britt, for bringing to the surface something that I have kind of been wondering.

    In the end, I think that I’ll always opt to be real on the internets, but it’s important for me to make that a decision of conscience and not one of naivete.

    I think getting a bible in the mail really jarred me a bit.

  59. Maman says:

    I rarely take any heat about the kids but keep a google alert on both of their names lest anything weird pop up. Of course, with a 13 year old with her own Facebook page I am afraid that at some point I will find something that I really don’t want to find. sigh.

    Now I, on the other hand… get burned periodically… so I guess it sucks to be me.

  60. Jennifer says:

    Well I think Adam is hot! There is said it. People will always try to knock you down,maybe it’s to make themselves feel good,maybe they are just douchebags.Whatevs.I think you are terrific & so is Adam,but the only place you are on top of him is my favorites list.

  61. Jamie says:

    I’ve been dealing with this very issue for the past couple of days. On Sunday I posted about my family, my husband and sons specifically. Apparently, I’m more popular than I had thought because I got an annonymous comment about how “sad” it all was. This infuriated me. I don’t preceive my life as “sad” why should someone else? ESPECIALLY when speaking of my hubby and my eldest son? It has taken two follow up posts to come to an end of this, oh and support of people I know from message boards, and IRL. And some other fellow bloggers whom I have read, though I was not aware were reading me. I worry about all of that. On the same hand, however, it’s all part of MY life. My family is who helps make me who I am. My interactions with them. How can I write about me, my life, my perceptions and thoughts and feelings without including them? I figure it this way, my hubby thinks he’s cute, and the kids will grow up to have blogs of their own one day. Where they can vent about ME, while I vent about THEM.

  62. Karl says:

    Ha, that’s too funny…someone thought WE were having an affair?

    I said this to you and Adam the other night at his place. I hate mean people and I will never understand their mentality.

  63. Miss Britt says:

    Kay: there are pics EVERYwhere all over this site and flickr of him. Not very FLATTERING pics – but pics. LOL

    Tink: ?

    Foo: holy shit! that is freaking crazy!

    Cap: yeah, I know – but it’s still helpful to get some input now and then. ;-)

    Turnbaby: yep, you’re absolutely right. Gossip is gossip is gossip – with a grain of truth and a whollllee lotta shit for filler.

    themuttprincess: :lol: thanks babe

    You can call me, ‘Sir’: thank you.

    Amy: I don’t think that’s a bad attitude. Probably slightly more “jaded” than mine would be – but I get attached to people. :-)

    Bec: blocking the IP address when you can is a wonderful thing.

    Zube: “it’s important for me to make that a decision of conscience and not one of naivete.” Yes, exactly.

    And I think a Bible in the mail would freak me out too. And I’m Catholic.

    Maman: that’s a good idea. I don’t suppose “Devin” and “Emma” would make for great google alert’s though, huh?

    Jennifer: haahhahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahha

    Jamie: “the kids will grow up to have blogs of their own one day. Where they can vent about ME, while I vent about THEM.”

    You know, that’s something a lot of people overlook I think. With the proliferation of blogs these days, I think that is very likely!

    Karl: that’s because you’re good people!

  64. WendyB says:

    “why the hell wouldn’t they want to bask in the glow of my awesomeness?” — they’re fools if they don’t!

  65. WendyB says:

    P.S. As Gala Darling always points out, this is your house and you can invite in who you like. If there are any troublemakers, delete them. That doesn’t stop you from seeing their foul words of course, but you don’t have to let them run free. Let them get their own blog to express themselves.

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