This pains me to admit here, because my mother reads my blog.
But.. well… it has to be said.
I have A Drawer.
You know what I mean. The Drawer (or possibly The Box) that is somewhere in your bedroom where you have safely tucked away The Stuff. You know, The Stuff. The Stuff that arrives at your house in nondescript brown packages, or in a black plastic bag shoved into the bottom of your purse after a drunken drop in at The Store. The Drawer contains The Stuff that you don’t want anyone else to see. Or touch. Or discuss. Or really even know about, thank you very much.
Anyway. So. Yeah. I have A Drawer.
(Sorry, Mom! Love you. Oh, and Mom? It’s only going to get worse from here…)
Since you now know about The Drawer and we are obviously very close and personal friends at this point, I feel comfortable in telling you that on Saturday night after a ridiculous amount of drinking and dancing and loud in public singing – The Drawer was opened. And apparently ransacked. In fact future evidence would suggest that although I do not remember this specifically, The Drawer was opened and all of its contents haphazardly thrown about the room with neither a thought nor care to where any of The Stuff landed.
And then, it would seem, there was much passing out and heavy sleeping.
Until about… oh… 7:30 the next morning. Ish.
It was roughly that time that my heavy slumber was roused by the delicate sound of my daughter’s giggles. Without opening my eyes, I groped amidst the sheets for the source of the sound and mumbled something about “breakfast” and “ask Daddy”.
The giggling was then supplemented with the tiniest whisper. “Mom? Mommm? Mommy?”
“Mmm… cartoons baby? Hmmm…”
“Mom! Hey Mom!” long gone was the whisper. “Mommy, look! What’s this?”
I rolled over towards the sound of her voice and pried open an eyelid. Standing at the side of the bed, nose to nose with me in that creepy way that kids do when you’re sleeping and trying not to wake you up but totally trying to wake you up, was my three year old. She was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and positively glowing from the ear-to-ear grin on her face.
And she was holding a small glass replica of a penis.
Her eyes lit up when she realized I was awake. She thrust the pseudo-penis in my face and asked again, “what is it Mom? What’s this?”
Hand to Heaven, you have never seen a human being on Earth move as fast as I did when I leaped out of that bed, ripped the (unused, thank you very much) dildo from her hand, slammed The Drawer shut and swept her out of the room with the flurry of a flock of pigeons and the promise of ice cream for breakfast.
If there is a Gold Medal for Pain and Humiliation and Least Likely To Ever Have Sex Again – I win.
:blush: Uh, welcome to my life. Only it was well, large and blue. And, she might have smacked her father with it.
I had to throw it away. I couldn’t bear to look at it anymore. :heartbeat:
Now was that vibrator (or was it a dildo? I mean, I know that glass penises can come in dildo and vibrator form) unused like ever? Or just unused the night before?
Inquiring minds want to know!
I sooooo have you beat.
My son found my “drawer” one day, and I woke up to find him sitting on the floor, and sucking one like it was a bottle.
Thank GOD it had been unused up to that point.
Talk about horrified.
The glass ones are dishwasher safe *giggle*
ok ok ok this is how I read it. The glass dildo was bought brand new in her drunken and highly horny-fied state of depravity. The vibrators, handcuffs, blow up sheep dolls and ball gags were never discovered by the kids. Or at least THAT is how I read the post.
miss britt… the sheriffs found mine and Ken’s toys when I called them after his suicide….try explaining a dead husband and way too much equipment and toys…he was real nice…told my brother why didn’t he remove all of it before my parents saw it….hmmm wonder if that is why they called it accidentsl overdose instead of suicide….I am laughing so fucking hard right now …i didn’t see the humor in it until just now….I SO KNOW WHAT MY POST IS GOING TO BE ABOUT TOMORROW…..Girl we so gotta get together :slaphead: :slaphead:
OMG you always crack me up… I’m honored to actually be so high on the comment list today. I guess those two will always win since they apparently can comment prior to you writing your post. :slaphead:
When shit like that happens, I figure at least my kids will have good stuff to talk to therapists about when they are in their 30s.
My fear, though, is lying in a coma while my “if I die clean-up my house friend” is out of town and my drawer is discovered and examined by my mom who is looking for insurance documents or keys or something.
Ugh, now I need a therapy visit!
My daughter found my hot pink jelly penis-shaped vibrator when she was looking for a flashlight in my nightstand. She was 15, and knew EXACTLY what it was. I think the idea of her middle-aged mom owning such a thing was rather eye-opening, to say the least.
Tonight she called me to ask my opinion on whether she should get her nipples pierced.
Wow. I only have Holy Cards in my drawer! I am so boring.
Dude. My then two year old came down stairs asking “dad, dad, daaddyyy look” and his best friend was at the house and they both had a good laugh. of course, I was at work and missed it. thank god. However, the next time his friend came over, he brought me a box so I could hide my stuff higher. It was then I was the same shade of red as my blog.
I wouldn’t even DREAM of asking my mother whether I should get my nipples pierced. I’m just sayin’…
I bought one and then proceeded to drop it out of the bag. With LOTS of people around.
Pee ess: as per your mom reading this post?
Three years ago we had a sex party at our place. It was pretty cool, a sex therapist came and talked, she demonstrated a BUNCH of toys, we had lube tastings, and molded chocolate penii.
After the presentation, we were all able to go up to the bedroom (for privacy) with the lady and purchase any of the toys or lubes or etc. she had just showed us.
I invited m y dad and his then-girlfriend-now-wife, and they came.
They also spent over an hour in the bedroom upstairs with the lady after the show and took two very large “nondescript” brown paper bags home with them.
Mine is in a box next to my bed, with a nice candle/statue thing of a fairy on top. It’s a bit of a production to get to – and since I don’t have kids it’s not really an issue.
But at least it discourages snoopy friends from poking around.
I love this post.
It took it happening to us several times before we started hiding ours up high. The first time it happened my six year old came running in to tell me that our 3 year old (he was 2 then) had gotten into our room (husband forgot to lock the door the last time he left) and had our “owl” I didn’t know what he was talking about. He got more descriptive and I realized it was a rather large pink vibrator with attached “rabbit” (my husband an I have since dubbed it “Pinkie and the brain”) The look of horror that plastered itself to my and my husband’s face had to have been priceless.
Like I said, it happened a couple of more times after that. I wanted to blog about it. Really I did. But I didn’t have the guts. Too many people (and inlaws) read my blog.
You are awesome.
If it was unused, why was it unwrapped?
My stuff is still in it’s packaging because… well… its unused.
Well…no kid story here….but my friend and I went to an adult store once (and I was fascinated with the 25 cent peep show which she WOULD NOT let me go see) and my friend bought a massive vibrator…and proceeded to have the store owner take it out of the box, put in batteries and prove it worked. Then it vibrated itself off the counter and onto the floor and she wouldn’t buy it because she was afraid the floor was “sticky”.
OMG… :poke:
I only have a box of tissues next to my bed. And the Bible. :angel:
At 3, Motley knew what a penis looked like. I told her pre-school story of “It’s only a penis” over at BPR’s when I guest posted. If she had found any of those kinds of toys, she would probably have asked me why I didn’t just go get a real penis. LOL
it has to be me, but i don’t see a problem here.
(perhaps it is the lack laddie o iddies: :blush:
Absolutely priceless!! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
And I thought I was the only one with a draw. You have totally outdone yourself this time. I have to go to work with a tummy ache from laughing so hard. I almost spit out my Special K at the screen. :clap:
Therapy – you will be paying for lots and lots of therapy.
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
I don’t have a drawer….. That’s sad huh?
ROFLMFAO!!
it coulda been worse….I mean, my kids like to go through my drawers and look for hidden candy then bring the *stuff* they find out of my room and to me…”Look what we found Mommy!!”…once, I had a friend over for a visit….believe me, it could have been SOOOO much worse!
But that was still frickin’ hilarious!
OK, I literally laughed out loud at your recount. My husband and I also have “A Drawer” and on occassion things get tossed to the side of the bed, either to be cleaned, or to be put away after being cleaned. I happen upon my children one afternoon who found “A Thing” that strangely resembles a spear or sword (thankfully it was sitting there to be put away after being cleaned, and it did not resemble a penis) and they were playing with our Jerry Bears (no, we aren’t dead heads, we just like the bears and the grateful dead, from the comfort of our cozy home) and “The Thing” was being used to attack a bear while another bear held it. Calm as can be, I went over and asked for it. There were many protests, however being good children *hack* *cough* they handed it over. They were informed it was MY toy and they couldn’t have it. I didn’t tell them what the toy was for. I also, thankfully it seems, have 4 collectable Barbies, a few hot wheels cars (in my favorite car) and my own Nintendo DS, so they were used to me telling them it was MY toy. To sum this all up, you aren’t the only one. And it’s always worth the laugh later.
In the bathroom getting ready for my day I finally came up with something to say:
When Emma finishes blocking out this childhood memory in her teens it will suddenly become clear to her that her career path in life is Dr. Emma — Sexpert. And all because Mommy let her touch a glass penis. You have defined your daughter’s entire life in that one moment! At least she’ll make lots of money.
You are SO brave!
to talk about that.
Your mom must be really cool!
A couple of years ago, at my young age of 29, my nieces (who were 11 and 13), found my mom’s vibrator. My mom was almost 60.
Sorry, but my mom of all people should not have a vibrator!
I need to go gouge my eyes out again!
Honestly, having The Drawer is kind of classy. Most guys just have The Shoebox. And it’s probably nowhere near as well kept.
Ever wonder why, amongst general society, women having “things” in a drawer is more acceptable than men having a porn collection? I never understood that.
Dude made me get rid of my stuff when the kids were born…bastard.
You–YOU have a glass one???? Dayum I am jealous
:rock:
This is too funny.
Yay for ice cream for breakfast!!!
AmyD: oh yeah, there was definitely a serious PURGING later that day.
avitable: unused in a really, really long time. Not my style.
adena: ROTFLMAO – oh Lord. Ohhhh LORD! Yep. You’re right. Totally have me beat!
bluepaintred: so are the plastic.. uh – Hi Mom!!
Y2K Survivor: you get me. You really get me.
Charlene: oh my. I can’t even imagine. You had to have felt like a brothel house gone very, very wrong. LOL
Willie G: yeah, they are cheaters. Big fat cheaters.
Deb on the Rocks: that reminds me… I need to buy another fire safe.
SJ: I am so getting google bombed on your comment. LOL
Mary: heh, um, well, uh – crap. Now I’m embarassed.
wtfroflmfao: I would have demanded that friendship be ended. LOL
Karl: are you commenting on my COMMENTS rather than my POST?!?!? Bastard.
kim: did you run away and pretend like it wasn’t yours?
bluepaintred: I would never invite my mom to a sex party. The woman would have far too much fun and give wayyy too much advice for ME to be comfortable.
Princess of the Universe: that is quite the set up. What are your friends doing snooping in your bedroom anyway??
Sleeping mommy: you should be thrilled. You obviously have some sense of decency. As opposed to… say… me.
NYCWD: well it wasn’t used recently. Like in the last year or more.
Stephanie: *snort* I can’t say as I blame her though. Safety first!
Selma: ooooh girl, I know you are lying.
Winter: Emma knows what a penis looks like. She has a little brother and a father she’s seen naked a million times. I don’t think this was a very GOOD replica. And I’m pretty sure it was her first encounter with a clear glass one.
hello haha narf: oh my God. You were reading this post? While I was sleeping on the couch? You were ALLLL reading it – weren’t you?!?!?!
Oh my God.
Rachel: yep, we should be in a commercial.
diva65: ibuprofen.
Hallie: nah, she’ll grow up, start drinking, and kill off the brain cells that contain those memories. I hope.
misi: I didn’t have a drawer until I was 26 years old. So, now. Not sad.
Cissa Fireheart: it could ALWAYS be worse – tis my mantra!
Jamie: so what you’re saying is – I need to get props. Right? LOL
Poppy: it fucking figures THAT would be the moment she’d cling to too.
Kate: nah, I’m just hoping she’s REALLY busy today.
Jen: I can top that – my best friend found her GRANDMOTHER’S box. And there was a hell of a lot more in it than one vibrator.
RW: wellllll – this drawer is a, um, Marital Drawer, so to speak.
And – as I am screaming at Adam right. this. moment. – the fact that you equate images of REAL WOMEN with INANIMATE OBJECTS!!!! – *huff* *puff* – dont’ get me started…
Lisa: I never had any stuff until long after both of my kids were born.
Turnbaby: want me to send it to you? *I* am obviously never going to use it again.
student teacher: that’s what SHE said!
It didn’t even happen to me, but I’m finding myself wishing my bed would open up and swallow me whole.
Here’s the part I’m missing: What were you trying to accomplish by unloading the whole drawer on your bed? And where was Jared during this toy party?
What a timely post. My son went into our drawer this morning and proceeded to fly “the pearl” around like it was an airplane. I told him it was dangerous and to put it away. That isn’t too bad though – since he is only 2.
BUT back in the day when I was still living with the parents we had a massive flood in the basement – and a clean up company came to tidy up the mess. The next day my DAD actually asked me what color of vibrator I wanted this time – sure enough my purple one was CLEARLY itemized on the insurance claim list.
Well, to be clear, I don’t own, use, or even want to have anywhere in my house, any porn of any kind. Search anywhere you want – my desk, my closet, my hard drive, whatever, and you won’t find so much as a wayward tit. However, you’re confusing porn with prostitution. The participants in porn are generally compensated pretty fairly and go into it voluntarily. But, regardless, I would ask how many naked angels are you trying to dance on the head of that pin there?
How many “ewwws’ and “yucks” would we be reading if some guy wrote a blog post about a rubber vagina?
I’m not making a value judgment, I don’t see anything wrong in people doing the auto-thing. Perfectly normal. I was just making an observation with no real point relative to the post, that there’s a kind of winkable double-standard when it comes to wanking.
Where was your husband in all this? Standing by the door laughing?
Oh Lawd!
That’s as embarrassing as the time when I was behind my wife going at it doggy style, and our cat (who had entered the room unannounced) took notice of my nutsack flapping in the breeze. And this wasn’t a cat that would just bat at something either. Oh no, it was the type of cat that would extend its claws, attach them to said dangly things, and lift its body to bring its head closer to its paw so it could bite what it had caught.
We only let the cat in on special occasions now. Like the one you had on Saturday night.
Our “stuff” is all over the place, or so it seems.
My girlfriend and I were cleaning the kitchen last week and we came across a little white dolphin shaped vibrator that we hadn’t seen in a long while. It was in a seldom used drawer with some duct tape, some wrenches, some pens…you know. A junk drawer. How it wound up in there is anyone’s guess.
But her response was simply “Cool. I was wondering where this went.” and she put it right back in the junk drawer. Not in the actual “drawer”* in our bedroom.
*Actually it’s like 3 drawers. Um. Hi!
Can’t stop laughing….that is too funny!
I miss my “drawer”.
My husband used to work out of town a lot, and well, I was lonely A LOT. So, I used mine frequently. Really, really frequently. Then, when he would come home, I realized that I couldn’t reach the O with him. I needed that extra umph from the vibrations. Umm, I think I had used the toy a little too much. So, I threw my toy away.
Sadness.
So I’ve got A Thing (or two, maybe more) in A Drawer (or two, maybe more). I’ve had two experiences, both of which involved my teenage brother coming across the children playing with my Things.
The first time, they (son-5; nephew-4; friends son-4) were using the “Elephant” to tickle each others feet. [This time I neglected to put it back in The Drawer and just stuck it under the bed.)
The second time, my son (6) and niece (9) were playing with a “lifelike” hot pink Thing and a “Vagigi” (anyone who has been to a sex toy party knows what this is…I bought it for my husband as a semi-gag gift for after I had the baby), which my niece was wearing like a sleeve. (This time, they were going through my room looking for toys to play with since most of my sons toys are still boxed up in the basement from the move.)
Ugh.
That is just FUNNY! :lmao:
You are officially a parent :lmao:
Wait…it only gets better from here.
I had mine hidden in the bottom of my hope chest with extra clothes… My third child who was five at the time went in there to find my tshirt that look just like my sister’s who was visiting. She comes back in the kitchen holding my “rabbit” and says, “look what else Mommy has!” My sister just about died laughing…
Sadly it was not the last time they would find that damn thing! There seems to be no safe place in my house!!
My mother used to keep a rubber douche device in her bathroom. It was cleverly disguised as a flower with thick stem set in a vase. You gave the flower a squeeze, it sucked up douche solution from the vase, and when you squeezed again the water squirted out of several holes placed in the stem.
Think of one of those silly water sprinkler toys we all wanted as children in the late 70′s early 80′s. It was like that. I mean, it was an awesome squirty bath toy…and I couldn’t figure out why my mom would never let me PLAY with it in the tub!
Now that I remember, there was a time when my oldest son got into my tube of KY and spread it all over himself. When the makers of KY say it’s water washable and non-staining they meant it.
Thanks for making me spit my coffee on the monitor because I couldn’t laugh and swallow at the same time. :lmao:
You better make sure the lock works on that drawer because you just know she’s going to want to find the glass toy again and try to figure out what it is. :slaphead:
Also, haven’t you had that very special talk with Avi where you explain the difference between a vibrator and a dildo? I think he’s old enough now.
Oh yes. I am the proud owner of an absurdly large hot pink *contraption* that has more whootie-hoos sticking out of it than seems humanly possible and looks as though a pearl necklace is trapped inside it.
But I didn’t buy it; My husband, Candy Ass, thought it was the perfect gift for me… for Mother’s Day.
That right there? Can’t make that shit up.
Thankyouverymuch and good night.
You are my hero. A) Emma will not remember and B) how long until you replace the stuff you threw out?
I don’t have a drawer or a box. All of our shit is proudly on the nightstand….will that change as Sophia gets older? Probably not. I have this idea that if I am open about all my sex stuff then maybe she won’t feel like it is a dirty dark thing she has to be ashamed of. But then maybe I read too much into things like that I don’t know.
But this was really really funny.
Oh, and in front of company – luckily my bff, my son brought out a bottle of Astroglide and asked if it was Mommy’s hair shine stuff (goop I putin my hair to keep my straightener from frying it).
Queen of Shake Shake: that right there is true empathy, good woman.
Finn: ahem. Ok. Let’s see here…
I’m pretty sure JARED was the one tearing things out and casually tossing them over his shoulder in a frantic attempt to reach whatever it was he *needed* at that point in time.
So. Um. Yeah.
Need more details?
SleepyNita: wow, that is.. uh.. frugal??
Our best friends lost their house in the tornado last month. But their drawer? Found perfectly in tact in someone else’s basement. Yeah. Awesome.
RW: hmmmmm… interesting…
Steph: oh no, sleeping. That man can sleep through ANYthing.
Bucky: oh wow. Just.. wow.
B.E. Earl: hehehehe – Hi!
Karen Sugarpants: what? tell me this has happened to you – right??
Andria: I’ve never used mine alone.
Sheila (Charm School Reject): like a sleeve?? rotflmao
Sybil Law: when it happens to someone else!
Mindy: whew! And only 8 1/2 years into it!
Jayme: it appears we need lock and key.
Becky..Absent Minded Housewife: my mind is reeling at the term “rubber douche device”.
Dragon: yeah, but he’s easily confused and starts giggling like a school girl.
Undomestic Diva: Oh. Wow.
I am DYING to know what you got him for Father’s Day.
Nina: heroes everywhere are spinning in their graves right now.
deb: yeah, I see the logic in that. It’s the same logic that makes us walk around naked, etc. etc.
But when it comes to sex? I am a ginormous prude. Huge. And not just with my kids. I have ISSUES, I know.
i think it was just me reading, although i probably told janie what it was about. details are a little fuzzy.
wish i knew what the fuck my comment was about, though. damn vodka.
My husband gets really embarassed if anything remotely close to sex is brought up with anyone other then me in the room. Imagine his surprise when he pulled back the covers to get in bed one night and there was a big purple penis laying on his pillow. It had been given to us on our wedding day as a gag gift. When we moved my son found it and thought it would be great fun to mess with him. He almost died knowing my son knew we had it. I almost died laughing at him!
BWAAAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, so I have a “Drawer” too, but no young children creeping into my room to wake me in the morning. BUT. I do have a 19-year-old step-daughter, and a bathroom adjacent to my bedroom that can also be accessed from the front room. So! My husband and I did our thing… with a thing… cleaned ourselves up, cleaned IT up, and left IT on the bathroom counter. We went to bed. Early the next morning, before we were up, my SD went into our bathroom for some unknown reason. I heard the door slide open (it’s a pocket door), I heard her intake of breath, and then I heard her mutter, “Oh, GROSS.” Guffaw!
OMG. I have cracked ribs woman! You can’t make me laugh this hard. :lmao:
That.Was.Priceless!
:heartbeat:
Glass ??? I NEED one of those. *runs off to the favorite toy store*
PS – is it bad that I not only have 1 drawer but also a cupboard??? :angel:
I have a basket right now that I keep in the nightstand. Nothing too weird in it ( can you imagine someone finding a strap on with a vibrating dildo? oy :lmao: ) Condoms, variety of toys, lube etc… nice and handy for company or alone lol.
My sister tells a story of my neice using her toy which flicked — looked like a ball with a flicky part on her feet – totally oblivious to what it really was:-S = i don’t think she will ever realize what is actually was so hopefully those therapy bills won’t be too high
Ba ha! Hilarious! I bet your head was pounding when you leapt out of bed…love it
(One of) My *ahem* personal item(s) slipped out of my purse right in front of my soon-to-be mother-in-law.
Awkward doesn’t do that moment justice.
I defer to Lisa.
It’s not altruistic.
I’d never be able to use it without thinking about Emma standing there holding it. :wha:
And I’m really certain THAT would be a mood killer :cheese:
oh dear. i own none of those things, but know for a fact that if i did they would be found. my kids are nosy!
That’s too damn funny! Oh to be a fly on the wall!
Priceless.
Ah, yes. THE BOX.
I guess another stop at the store will be in order in about 6 months to replenish and restock it!
hello haha narf: yeah, that came through a little.. uh… fuzzy.
J.O.: my husband will not be thrilled when he reads this either. Heh. (HI BABE!! :heartbeat: )
Laura: oh shit. That reminds me.
OH shit. Please, please, please tell me Jared thought about that before he let his friend and wife use our shower last night.
OH shit. Please.
Fogspinner: oops. TYLENOL! Or, uh, CODINE!
Queenie: I don’t know if *bad* is the right word here.
Gadgetgrl: OK – *I* am not sure what that thing you’re describing would do.
Christine: I don’t remember pounding – but that would make sense.
Jennifer: and you still married him??
I’m impressed.
Turnbaby:
I tend to agree.
natalie: don’t start now!
kapgar: who needs a fly? Apparently you can just come on in!
*pixie*: unfortunately – yes.
TMP: nah, that wasn’t getting used anyway.
Why Emma dear, that is a paper weight. Mommy’s special paperweight. Its breakable, so never touch it again… Now lets go watch Spongebob, shall we? Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!
Here, let me make you feel better.
I read on a board that a woman found her, um, drawer toy, in her 8 yr old daughters BED tangled up in a pair of her panties!!!!!!
:secret:
Yeah. I am still trying to wrap around my head WHY the hell she would even tell that on herself or her daughter on a public board.
She said she threw it away.
I know, your moment was still horrifying, just trying to help. :cheese:
Good lord, woman, you trying to single handedly raise the god squad over to your blog for the apocalypse??
If you are, I fully support you. 110 percent.
Oh my goodness, that was the funniest thing I’ve read today. Sorry I have nothing witty to input here, mainly because I don’t have a drawer or kids for that matter. Eh, I’m pretty boring.
*gasp* ….
Priceless story, how old is she? Chances are she wont even remember it. Now relocate that drawer and keep away from it when you are to smashed to know what you are doing!
This entry cracked me up! I bet Emma really did get ice cream for breakfast, too! Haha (kidding).
So… my mom found mine when she was cleaning my room after I moved to California a few years back. When I came home a few months later, she totally confronted me about it.
… I blamed it on my sister, who had also lived in there and moved out in the time I was gone.
Little Sister has YET to forgive me about that one!
I love how everyone thinks they are the only one with The Drawer. This is the world’s worst-kept secret. How else do you explain the success of the Slumber Parties franchise?
I’m a freak about putting The Stuff away, though, so that’s usually what gets done instead of, well, basking in the afterglow.
Not having kids I don’t know your pain but I remember being sick a few years back when I had my own house. My mum came round to look after me for a bit, she sent me off for a shower and tidied my disaster area bedroom. She not only found my drawer but tidied it so everything was straightened,
(And glass? Scale of 1 – 10 how effective – am intrigued!
Just re-read my comment. I meant too many people I KNOW (and my inlaws) read my blog. That’s why I never posted our story. But look! I have a forum here to post it and share the humiliation with others with similar experiences.
Ok..so this totally makes up for making me cry yesterday
hgreatone: The kids finding my “drawer” has to be one of my worst parenting fears, that and the kids puking in a public place.
My kids have NEVER found MY glass penis.
I remember my drawer. It needs to be pried open.
My best friend has a strict rule that should anything happen to me, all contents of such drawer that may or may not exist will be eliminated before my parents show up to clean my room out.
Um, I have a basket. and the kids have gone into my room, found it and then left it on the hall floor.
I got it, cleaned it off and told them to stay out of my stuff and that it was a massager for my hand. Luckily it was the big veiny wang that I bought later on… :rolleyes:
or wasn’t for those of you who make sense
I’m sorry…but that is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve ever heard—maybe because the accompanying visuals are priceless! hahaha
Crazy Lady in Vegas: oh that’s brilliant.
Kay: oh dear God. That is way, WAY worse.
maggie, dammit: *snort* hahahah, you crack me up woman.
Sarah: luck you. (Don’t tell anyone I said that.)
Dirty Laundry Diva: she’s three – that has to be before the “my first memory” stage, right?
Amber: isn’t that what little siblings are for?
Meg: I probably will be like that from now on too.
Bec: she organized your drawer?? hahahhahha – oh that is so English.
Sleeping Mommy: oh no, it’s OK, I got the idea. LOL Most people SHOULDN’T. Probably myself included. LOL
~jtm: we laugh, we cry, we are a well rounded bunch here.
Rich: thank GOD!
A Whole Lot of Nothing: awwwww
Captain Steve: I am the designated destroyer of said box for someone as well.
maman: a basket?? is it out in the open? This seems like a bad plan.
Creed: oh. hey. um. hi. :blush:
Not in the open… in a dresser drawer.
I wonder if Lillith puts that experience together with the fact that her new word for the summer is dildo? This kid is going to be in therapy forever. :help:
My kids, 26 and 18, STILL do not believe that the long power tool with the pivotinh head and three speeds not including TURBO- are for my back… :angel:
Too funny! See…this is why we don’t have children. If we didn’t have chil’ren then we wouldn’t have to worry about such situations!