At least they didn’t call him a Fag

Just when you think you have nothing to blog about…

Your 8-year-old son overhears you (OK, hears you because you were in the car rocking out with him in the backseat) singing that “I kissed a girl and I liked it!” and asks “why would a girl say she was kissing a girl? And she thinks it’s wrong and right? What is she talking about?” and you make the awkward moment go away by pretending like you don’t hear him, and then of course you mention it to one of your gay friends later who tells you that you TOTALLY FAILED AT PARENTING! and should have answered his question and it’s not too early to start talking about it because someone else probably already is and this gay friend of yours says:

“Hey, why don’t you ask your son tomorrow if he’s ever heard the word fag?”

And so, you do.

Well, eventually. But first you start out small.

“Devin, have you ever heard the word gay?”

The crestfallen look on his face gave me the answer before he managed to mumble, “yeah”.

“Really?” I’m fairly certain I failed to keep the shock from my voice. “When?”

“Uhhh, pretty much every day when they call me it.”

“Who calls you that?”

“Uhhh, like half the kids at daycare.”

“What the fuck do you mean half the kids at daycare? Where the hell are the adults I at that daycare that I am paying to make sure you are having a happy childhoood? Why in God’s name would a child ever say that to another child? How did you not ever tell me this before so that I could beat the ever loving shit out of these little brats? You give me names, Son. Give me names now and I will call down The Wrath upon the heads of these little son of a bitches!” I screamed in my head.

Outwardly I swallowed my tongue and clung to my composure.

“Do you know what that word means?” I asked him.

“No,” he shook his head, “but I know they say it because they think it’s the very worst thing they can say to me.

CRASH. BOOM. BANG. That would be the sound of my son’s innocence shattering at my feet, along side my hope that he would remain untouched by bigotry and hate so long as he remained in elementary school.

“Sweetheart, gay is not the worst thing that someone can say to someone, but the way they are using it is very, very nasty. Gay means that a boy likes boys or a girl likes girls.”

“Uhhh… you mean like boyfriend/boyfriend or girlfriend/girlfriend.”

“Yep, that’s exactly what I mean.”

“Well that is definitely not me.”

The insistence in his voice pierced my heart as I watched him recoil at the idea of homosexuality being associated with him.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I asked him, although I already knew the answer. When he shook his head, I pressed further, “do you have a boyfriend?” I asked in exactly the same tone of voice. He shook his head again, silent now, watching me for my next reaction.

“Well babe, you’re eight years old. You don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, so it seems kind of silly for anyone to call you gay or anything else right now. Doesn’t it?”

He cocked his head to the side and I could see that my explanations were confusing him more than clarifying anything for him. “Well, I still don’t want them to call me that.”

“No, I know. And they shouldn’t. When they say that to you, they are saying it because they think that it’s wrong to be gay.” I took a deep breath before asking my next question.

“Have you ever heard the word ‘fag’?”

“Uhhhh, no. What is that?”

“That’s another word that people say instead of gay, but it’s a mean, nasty way to say it. It means that they hate people for being gay.”

We went on to talk about the fact that sometimes people grow up and realize that they like boys instead of girls, or girls instead of boys and that that is OK. I explained to him that mom had friends who were gay and it wasn’t a bad thing to be, but that it was definitely not OK to call someone gay if you were trying to be mean. We also discussed bullying and when it’s necessary to stand up for yourself and when it’s OK to just walk away.

He asked me why the mean people always seem to have all the friends.

He didn’t believe me when I told him that people try to be friends with mean people because they are scared of becoming the next victims of bullying and meanness. I’m not sure he trusted me when I told him that what someone else says about him is in no way a reflection on who he is.

When we were done talking, I held him close to me for a long time and apologized for not being able to make everything OK. I wanted so badly to give him the answers he needed. But I had none. I have none.

I don’t know how to explain to a child where that kind of hate comes from.

I don’t know how to teach an 8 year old that being themselves is enough, because I know that while it is definitely enough, it doesn’t stop it from hurting from time to time when someone says mean, hateful things to you or about you.

How can I protect him from a hate that he’ll see more and more of as he grows up? What tools can I give him to deal with irrational cruelty and sanctimonious judgment, knowing full well that he will continue to run into it even though it makes absolutely no sense to either of us?

A mother should never have to try to explain hate to her child.

This parenting gig really sucks sometimes. I feel absolutely helpless right now. I’m praying that he has inherited my fight and his father’s tough skin. I’m afraid that he seems more inclined to pick up on his dad’s walk away attitude and my penchant for self doubt.

I want to call the daycare back and replace my “concerned parent” tone with a more suitable “I will rip you a new asshole if anyone ever hurts my child on your watch again!” ultimatum. I want to rip into my son’s DNA and make sure that he grows up straight, so that he never has to know the pain of feeling different or ostracized or hated just for existing.

But I can’t. I can’t do any of that, no matter how hot the desire to do so burns in my chest right now. All I can do is hold him close and tell him that he is loved and hope to God that somehow my love will impact him more than any hate he might encounter.

And then send him off to daycare again tomorrow.

Get More Inspiration & Encouragement

Sign up to get my weekly(ish) email with personal stories, practical tips & links to recent blog posts. You'll also have access to exclusive discounts on products & events and a handful of freebies I've made just for you.

I save my best stuff for subscribers! Join us.

Your email will never be sold or shared, because I aspire to not be a jerk.


Check to display recent post from your own blog with your comment.

  1. avitable says:

    At least they weren’t calling him a Republican.

  2. Dylan is 9 and I’ve been wondering how to tackle this issue. You gave me a head start. Thanks Mama. It’s not easy.

  3. Lisa says:

    Avitable…you are a card.

    Oh, poor Devin. My girls absolutely loved him. I wished we lived on your block because they would want to play with him every day.

    I want to hug him now.

    Britt, you are an excellent parent, you know that don’t you?

  4. intldiplomat says:

    I totally understand how you feel with your son.  i’m sorry he has to go through it.  being a dad for a 5 year old daughter, i’m teaching her to be tough and stand up for herself.  i’m not condoning my parenting skills as the creme of the crop nor asking you to conform to mine, just telling you that i am on your side, and how i know best how to handle bullies:  beat the ever loving fuck out of them and beat them into complete submission until they cry for Mommy and curl up into the fetal position, THEN keep beating them while others watch the bully being made the example of.  some child pushed my daughter out of the way at a bouncy castle place Saturday and i yelled at HIM!!!  i do not fuck around when it comes to my girl.  how can i get her get pushed like that and not say anything?  not in my world.  and not a single parent has called me out yet for being publicly vocal like i am.  and to quote Cedric the Entertainer from Kings of Comedy:  “I wish a motherfucker would….”xoxod

  5. Y2K Survivor says:

    Well By-God I’m not homophobic and I’m willing to watch you make-out with a hot chick to prove it babe! uh… can ya show some boobs while your at it?

  6. Karl says:

    Intldiplomat cracked my shit up. I don’t have patience for bullies, either. Say whatever the fuck you want to me, but you do NOT mess with my girls!

  7. Karl says:

    Oh, and I totally forgot my original comment. I think you handled that with class, finesse, and confidence. Sure, it’s shocking to learn that sort of stuff is happening to the ones you love most in the world. Especially at 8 years old. But I wasn’t joking on the show last night…I was called gay and fag long before I was 8.

    I totally want to go with you when you put the smackdown on that school.

  8. Andria says:

    Avitable- that would make him a Weepublican.

    I told my daughter that a fag was a European way of saying “cigarette”.

    Oh, and we totally switch that song every time it comes on… but it’s so darn catchy, that I find myself humming it around my kiddos.

  9. As a mom to two toddler girls, I fear the day when some little shithead kid decides to say even the most remotely negative word to one of them.

    I’d embarrass us all.
    I think I’d just run away crying.

  10. othurme says:

    “What tools can I give him to deal with irrational cruelty and sanctimonious judgment, knowing full well that he will continue to run into it even though it makes absolutely no sense to either of us?”


  11. NYCWD says:

    He asked me why the mean people always seem to have all the friends.

    I wondered that for years myself. I like your answer and reasoning.

    I just don’t know if I believe it or not.

  12. Honeybell says:

    This makes me so angry. Why do kids have to be such assholes to each other? I need to have this talk with my younger guys. Damn.

  13. B.E. Earl says:

    I can’t imagine ever having a conversation with a child like this. One of the reasons I have cats.

    And I know that I used “gay” and “fag” as something hurtful and negative when I was a child. Even before I knew what those words meant. A lot of kids did. A lot of kids still do.

    I wish I could change their minds. I wish I could go back in time and change my own mind when I was that age. I wish they could get to know all the wonderful gay friends that I now have as an adult. Friends who I wouldn’t trade in for anyone.

    I sucked.
    Kids suck.
    People suck.

  14. Amber says:

    Oh Hon…

    Check your email. I decided it was more appropriate to write an email that long as opposed to a comment.

    I think you did the right thing and handled a shitty situation the best way you (or anyone for that matter) could. *HUGS*

  15. bluepaintred says:

    a few weeks ago we were walking into wal*mart (STFU – I LOVE wa*mart) about ten feet ahead of us was a very obvious gay male. You know the type, hot pink capri’s, a belly baring white shirt, stiletto heels and a gotee. Other than admiring his shoes, I paid no attention to him.

    Until my 8 yr old said “…..I wonder….” I stayed quiet for a minute hoping he would finish his sentence, but he didn’t so I asked “what do you wonder” he said “I wonder if that is a boy or a girl”

    I told him quite simply, “Its a dude. Some times guys grow up and like to dress as girls, and sometimes they grow up and like to dress like boys. Kinda like daddy grew up and likes to dress in black”

    (With my kids, I find simple is the best- and relating it to something they already know is even better)

    I have no problems with gays and lesbians, and hope to raise my kids not to either. In fact, I rather hope my middle boy is gay. it will solve a lot of problems for me 9and him) in the long run in regards to his fertility.

  16. Dave2 says:

    Sigh. Remember when kids could just be kids for a little while without having to worry about this crap? I miss that.

  17. Winter says:

    I guess it was pretty pathetic of me while on Jester’s show last night, to have to turn and ask my daughter at what age she first heard the word “fag”. I felt a little stupid for not knowing. Then I thought about that. There is so much that happens in our kids’ lives that we don’t know. Although I was pretty sure of the age when Motley had been exposed to those words, I was glad to hear her confirm it. You said the right thing, Britt. And there just isn’t a reasonable or acceptable answer for why there are cruel people in this world, but like all of you, I wish there was.

  18. jericho says:

    Love your blog!
    Linked you, hope you don’t mind.

    Regarding this post, I must say thanks. I generally am not one to shy away from talking with my children about the serious issues. However, sometimes I do catch myself “failing to hear” the issue being spoken. As for the “gay” issue, my oldest son has endured the talk. I have 2 + 2 to go. What I really must thank you for, though, is prompting me to discuss the “mean people” stuff… I wonder what my boys get called…?

  19. Charlene says:

    Miss Britt
    Having many gay friends you did a great job with your son. you are a wonderful Mom. Make sure your son knows to come to you with any bullying…and take names and meet w/ teachers and principal and the mean kids parents
    Talk w/ your son about what to say (a funny comeback works good)and do w/ bullying, and make sure he knows when to report the behavior to the teacher.
    having been a teacher makes you aware of just how mean kids can be. And Bullying is a BIG no-no. Take names and kick ass Miss Britt! Let the teachers know that you are aware of the bullying and you are not going to allow it to continue…. but of course you know that kids can be cruel.
    I always tried to prevent bullying and would often work with the child to come up with several comeback lines that are funny and make the bully like the asses they are. Kids like funny :lmao: better than bullies :poke: and hey he could be the next Jay Leno or David Letterman!
    Your kids are lucky to have a Mom as caring as you!

  20. Selma says:

    My son has put up with a lot of bullying over the years but has always handled it with his trademark humour. He is very quick-witted which I am grateful for because his wit has caused a lot of the school bullies to reassess their view of him. Now in 6th grade, he is actually friends with a lot of the kids who used to bully him. They think he is hilarious. He was called ‘gay’ not long ago. It seems to be a term that’s bandied about very loosely by kids these days. His retort -’Takes one to know one, pretty boy.’ It may not have helped establish where my son’s sexuality actually lies but it did make the other kid’s face look like this :omg:

    Your son will find a way of dealing with the bullying very soon. My son was about the same age when he got sick of it and began to assert himself.

    BTW, Avitable’s comment has completely cracked me up. Good one!

  21. AmyD says:

    :crazywife: I think I’d still be calling the daycare. There are anti-bully laws and things you know. That’s not ok. AT ALL.

  22. jester says:

    So I’m being a total girly man and crying over this post.

    We talked a lot about this today, and you took everything I said and improved upon it. Devin is incredibly lucky (though he doesn’t know it yet, he will) to have you watching out for him.

    Believe me I know what it is like to be ostracized and bullied mercilessly as a child. And my mother would always say things to me like “I will love you no matter what, even if you grew up to be a gay” as though that was the worst thing I could do.

    Very recently she told me that she knew I was gay when I was 6 years old. I was stunned and furious.

    I said, “why didn’t you tell ME and save me 21 years of torture!?” She responded, “I hoped I was wrong.”


    Love him no matter what. Teach him to recognize when the bullies are acting out of a lack of self-confidence (read: always). And make sure he knows when to run when he’s in real danger.

    Most importantly, give him my number in 10 years. :lol:

  23. If your kids know they can ask you questions and talk to you,then you are doing a great job.
    And it seems that they can.

  24. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: OMG! They would NEVER!

    Karen Sugarpants: yeah, I had been wondering too – but not done much about it. Hope that helps! ;-)

    Lisa: there are tons of houses on my block that are vacant. Just… FYI.

    intldiplomat: yeahhhh… I’ve snapped at a kid in public before. Pushing my then two-year-old, NOT gonna happen.

    Y2K Survivor: such a giver.

    Karl: yeah, apparently things haven’t changed much.

    Andria: my mom ALWAYS had the radio on around us. Always. Of course, now I have to be more careful because some of it is pretty fucking nasty.

    A Whole Lot of Nothing: it’s not fun. Especially when you find out later, because they rarely do it in front of you.

    othurme: OMG. You just commented on my site. Holy crap.

    Does Christina know you’re here?

    (And also? :heartbeat: your actual comment.)

    NYCWD: well, and I think like attracts like too.

    Honeybell: I know, me too. It just sucks!

    B.E. Earl: I’m sure we ALL did something mean as a kid. My kid included.

    Amber: will do! :-)

    bluepaintred: that’s a pretty cool way of handling it. (And I’ve been in a Wal-Mart LOADS of times.)

    Dave2: yeah, I swear it was easier when we were kids.

    Winter: why would it be pathetic of you to have to ask that? I can’t tell you when the first time my brothers heard it.

    jericho: the mean talk is much harder than the gay talk, to be honest with you.

    Charlene: yeah, we went over some ideas of things to say last night.

    Selma: man I WISH my son was like that.

    AmyD: I know. I know. We will be having a “chat”, believe me.

    jester: I can understand hoping you’re wrong, because you want life to be EASIER for your child. But I also made a point of not giving him the impression that being gay was a “bad” thing. Like you said, avoiding words like “even if…”

    Thank you so much for all of your help through this.

    libragirl/Rachel: well, I had to ask him. He hadn’t said a word to me before that.

  25. ~jtm says:

    Whew….thanks for making me cry first thing in the morning! :poke: My daughter asked me the other day if I would rather have a kid that wasn’t the most hated kid in school. ….and here’s the kicker, this isn’t my gay kid who you’d think would be a target. Ugh, why are kids so crappy to each other? Being a parent is tough, being a kid is tougher.

  26. Kristin says:

    OMG! I can just see this conversation and the look on his face as it all is happening. It really sucks that ANY parent has to have that conversation with a child that’s so young.

    On a less serious note, (maybe it’s less serious) I had to have a similar conversation with “my boys” a couple months ago. They were calling each other and their sister a queef. Where in the hell do they get this stuff from!?

    Good luck babe, you are the bestest mommy in the whole world.

    AND having a childcare background, I am appalled at the thought if this going on at daycare!

  27. Michelle says:

    It’s so fucking hard being a parent!!!! I’ve had to explain to my 9 year old why it’s too dangerous for my 17 year olds best friend (who happens to be black) to visit his father because of senseless Xenophobic attacks taking place near his father’s home.

    The gay thing, well that hasn’t been so difficult, my kids have grown up understanding outer differences (and sexual preference) because we live in such a diverse society and have so many different characters in and out of our home. Sure they get ragged about stuff and school – kid’s unfortunately imitate their parents prejudice – and my son’s response to “You’re so gay!” (yes, these are 9yr olds) is “And you’re ugly!”

    His response to the violence and hate surrounding us now is confusion which means I may have done a good job bringing my children up to embrace and accept the differences in people, but I’ve done precious little about preparing them for the fact that prejudice exists and will rear it’s ugly, and in our context violent, head.

    Sorry, this wasn’t meant to be an essay, I meant to say you did good. All we can do is love them, give us our honesty and pray that it’s enough.

  28. You MOST CERTAINLY CAN call the daycare and explain to them that there is hate mongering going on between the children and your child has been a victim! Those day care people need to be aware of the situation, PERIOD, Britt!

    Because who’s to say NEXT TIME, those kids don’t throw a rock or something as they are calling him gay, fag or whatever? With kids, once they realize words aren’t bothering Devin anymore,(which I bet they won’t because you had that talk with him) they will try something worse, like violence. it needs to be nipped in the bud…ASAP.

    And I think the way you handled it was Champion! Your parenting gig might have gotten harder, but you did awesome, IMHO…

  29. It’s so hard. My oldest son has been picked on at school and it makes you want to beat the hell out of some kids. But you have to settle with raising verbal hell with grown ups.

    I think you handled it great. There’s no easy way to do it.

  30. Kimberly says:

    I think you handled it extremely well, Britt. I, too, think you should raise hell with the daycare provider. Sticks and stones are bullshit. Names can hurt you.

  31. Marissa says:

    Those fucking bastards!

    Sadly, the kids shouting it the loudest have a parent who doesn’t give a fuck.

    Or they’re taught it’s perfectly ok. My friends nine year old has to deal with racial bullshit at his school, on top of the anti-military propaganda that one kid in his class is doing. And the school is doing nothing about it!

    Things like this make me glad I only have a dog to worry about.

  32. RW says:

    the thread is teh gay.

  33. Kal says:

    As a gay guy who’s had to introduce nephews, nieces and friends’ kids to both the concept of being gay and then a partner, i’d be very careful of using the “boys like boys, girls like girls ” route. In my experience, kids too young to understand the idea of sexual attraction get confused with the word “like”. As sexually aware adults, we get that “i like him” can equate to “i *like* him “. I like Ben and Jerrys, but i don’t want to take it to bed! I’ve found using the “some boys have boyfriends, like some boys have girlfriends” makes a confusing concept easier to understand. I also come down hard when i hear them using “gay” or “poof” as insults, reminding them that That’s me they’re talking about, and i don’t appreciate being used as an insult! Very well done on your explanation, like the idea of the insult being useless since he has neither a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Finally, in response to the walmart issue above, while i’m totally behind your explanation of dress choice, please be aware of the split behind gender identity /image and sexuality. Gay and camp are not necessarily synonymous! :)
    regards,Kal (an astonishingly straight appearing gay dude! )

  34. Kate says:

    You are an awesome mom..
    and that is what will get your son through this. You love him and want what’s best and he knows that.

    and most likely, the means kids don’t have that – which is why they are mean.

  35. Crys says:

    i started talking to my daughter about homosexuality quite early on — she’s 11 now, and has probably known about it since she was 6. it wasn’t until last year (5th grade) that the girls in the class started “having boyfriends” (and visa versa) and that the ones who didn’t were somehow “gay”. in fact they call my daughter a boy because she’s a black belt and frankly, she can kick everyone’s asses if she had her druthers. they also call another boy in the class gay because he has long eyelashes and dresses nicely. i think the teacher addressed this, mentioning something about alternative lifestyles with supreme neutrality, but it wasn’t enough and so i pick up the slack at home.

    i also think it’s because i’ve been open and honest with her that she’s able to advocate in the classroom now (and remember, this is an uptight Catholic school) for alternative lifestyles and tell people why they’re wrong when they make fun of gay people or characterize other people as strange and therefore gay. she gets teased for it but she doesn’t let it faze her and wow, i am really proud of her.

    as an aside, you know what DID faze her? when she found out how lesbianism WORKS. i mean, the MECHANICS of it. it was a lot easier explaining the mechanics of male homosexual sex, but not so much the lesbians. she kept asking and asking though, so finally i broke it down. her eyes got THIS big. “no WAY, mom”, and i’m like, “yes WAY.” and then she shrugged, put on her iPod, and went about her day.

    kids are resilient and given the chance, want want to do right thing and BE good people. so in summation? i think it’s great that you had that talk with Devin because it prepares him and instills in him a good moral compass, but i ALSO think you should kick some ASS at daycare, because that shite is WIGGITY WACK.

  36. Dawn says:

    Oh! My heart just broke a little.

    You’re a great Mommy, and Devin will grow up to be a great man.

    As for those other kids? :poke:

  37. Kyra says:

    The worst part about being a parent, for me, is watching this pure innocence break a little more each day. I remember when my children were toddlers, and they watched everything with big trusting blue eyes…. and now? Now they have wariness. It was never there before school, before the large peer groups. I realize it has to be there for them to function as capable adults… but it kills me a little inside every day.

  38. Chrissy says:

    I’m a middle school teacher, so I deal with a lot of this everyday. You handled the entire situation so well. Kids are constantly calling things gay. That pencil is gay. Your shirt is gay. I always try to ban the word unless we are using it properly. But, really, when should someone’s sexual preference every come into discussion during Math. Kids try to pull the “gay means happy” card. I remind them that pencils and shirts do NOT have feelings or sexual preferences. Oh, it’s hard. They say it without even realizing that it is coming out their mouths. It’s sad. It would be nice to have more parents like you to help me fight this battle. Thanks! :clap:

  39. I would let the teachers at the daycare know just so they are aware of what is going on.

    My son caught heat from his classmates for wearing a hoodie from the GAP. He was told he was gay and proud.

    He sticks to college hoodies now. I guess I don’t blame him. It’s hard to balance an explanation of how ignorant some one else is being and conforming so he doesn’t get picked on.

  40. kim says:

    I’ve had very similar conversations with my soon when he was 3 years old. First we had to explain why some of his friends have two mommies (now, he wants two mommies). Another time someone had called him gay. The hardest conversation was when he thought something his dad said meant his dad was gay. He was quite distraught about it at school, so I had to answer questions about my husband being gay and try to comfort my child, while educating him. (I can’t remember what his dad said, but it was quite funny when we finally figured it out). Now, he’s 5, and we spend a lot of time educating him on homophobia and racism. It freaks me out that it has already come up in our lives. He was 3 years old. It is scary what other parents teach their kids.

  41. kim says:

    That would be my son, not my soon.

  42. metalmom says:

    I’ve raised two boys into manhood and luckily they never had to deal with this directed at themselves. Both,however, have friends who are gay and were bullied. My boys have been there as protectors which always made me proud.

    I’m sorry that you are dealing with this at a young age. You are 100% on the right track. Britt’s Mom did an excellent job raising a daughter like you. :heartbeat:

  43. *pixie* says:

    8? That makes me sad. Why must there be so much hate in the world? Oh, bad parenting. Come on people, it’s 2008, don’t be such ignorant asses all the time.

    I just had to deal with a similar issue at the college level. A student was using the term “gay” as a derogatory statement regarding something totally unrelated to one’s sexual orientation. Another student in the room (who is gay) heard him say this twice.

    Her reply? “Hey (student x). That term? It’s gay? I find it offensive.” He said okay and that was that. Very diplomatic. I really don’t think he realized that he was using it in a manner that might offend someone. It was almost like using the word “cool” or “dumb”. Very naive.

  44. As a parent knowing your child is in pain IS THE WORST THING EVER! Especially pain that at 8 they can not wrap their heads around.

    I guess that is why therapists were invented. To help people “forget” their childhoods.


  45. Finn says:

    This is the part of parenting that you pray to avoid but you can’t. And you know I understand exactly how you feel.

    You did good mom. You can’t protect him from everything. All you can do is give him information — knowledge is power.

    I’m teaching Lil’ M to use his wit to deflect this crap because that’s all he’s got to work with.

  46. Peggy says:

    I think you handled it perfectly. I’m glad you are going to have a “chat” with the daycare. They should have a zero tolerance policy for bullying. There is no excuse for that.

    Good job, Britt!

  47. Hilly says:

    It amazes me how early in life children lose that perfect innocence these days. I mean, remember when we were kids and our biggest playground issue was cooties? Devin is lucky to have a mom as wonderful and tolerant as you are…my heart broke for both of you a little bit when reading this though.

  48. “All I can do is hold him close and tell him that he is loved and hope to God that somehow my love will impact him more than any hate he might encounter.”

    That’s it right there, hon. You give him love, and support, and more love. And? Coming from someone who got called all the names in the book? Those real, true, few friends us bullied kids have? Those are the true-blue friends who shield us and stick up for us and commiserate with us. Devin will make it, I promise. You just keep up the love and understanding and you’ll both make it through! :-)

    That and beating the shit out of those kids’ parents. Asshats.

  49. Miss Britt says:

    ~jtm: OK, the crying response is surprising me. LOL I’m sorry!

    Kristin: yeah, it makes me wonder about the level of supervision.

    Michelle: “but I’ve done precious little about preparing them for the fact that prejudice exists and will rear it’s ugly, and in our context violent, head.”

    Yep. That’s me. Right there. I don’t want to be the one to have to tell him about people he can’t trust.

    Cissa Fireheart: I called them immediately last night before they closed, but I didn’t have a lot of details then. I’ve been trying to reach them today to discuss it further, but keep getting the machine.

    Queen of Shake Shake: it’s too bad you can’t beat someone else’s child. Seriously.

    Kimberly: yeah, I don’t by that sticks and stones bullshit either. Not in the slightest.

    Marissa: well, their parents might not give a fuck, but I’m PAYING that daycare – and I expect to be heard. Loudly.

    RW: :-P

    Kal: yeah, that’s actually one of the reasons I’ve been avoiding this talk. Because we haven’t really even talked about sex yet and I don’t want him confusing having a male friend with “liking a boy”. I was glad he made the clarification of “boyfriend/boyfriend” for me.

    Kate: I wish that were true. But I know some kids with very, very loving parents who are still mean little shits.

    Of course, most people don’t TELL their parents that.

    Crys: my mom had to explain how men have sex with each other at age 5. I was prepared to answer his questions.

    I never expected that he wouldn’t ask me until long after he’d heard about it from someone else.

    And your daughter? Rocks my socks. Seriously.

    Dawn: well the jury is still out on that. But here’s hoping…

    Kyra: yes, exactly. The way little kids are able to see the world is so amazing. It SUCKS to watch that fade away.

    Chrissy: I’m hoping to find that the adults around Devin are working as hard as you are against this kind of stuff.

    student teacher: I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to conform enough to avoid getting picked on. They will always find SOMETHING. And then you lost yourself for nothing.

    kim: 3?!?!?!?

    metalmom: you have every right to be proud of your boys. Now please, tell me how you did it.

    *pixie*: yeah, it is naive. And I know a lot of people our age who use that word and don’t think anything of it. At least MOST people “get it” when it’s brought up to them now.

    themuttprincess: I don’t have to pay for that therapy, do I?

    Finn: now if you could tell me how to teach Wit – that would be awesome. Thanks.

    Peggy: thanks for the vote of confidence babe.

    Hilly: I know – what the hell ever happened to cooties and icky girls??

    CMG: I hope you’re right. And YOU turned out OK. I’d be thrilled if my kids ended up half as awesome as you.

  50. Willie G says:

    There is nothing more difficult than having the tough conversations with your child only to find out they have already been exposed and didn’t know how to deal with it. This is when parenting really sucks. Looks like you really stepped up to the plate. Great insight into a very uncomfortable situation. Most kids just have to muddle their way through. Looks like Devin will have a great support structure to lean on. :clap:

  51. Cricky says:

    Last year a child called Kelly’s womb donor gay. She looked at the kid and said “annndddd???”

    Lucky for me she doesn’t understand what the hateful side of those words. She gets that the kids were trying to be mean, but she doesn’t get why they’d use those words.

    I’m terrified that my fiercely independent, aggressive little surfer chick will one day decide to be a lesbian. Only because I’m terrified that the kids using those hateful words in the daycare will one day become grown ups and use the same hateful words.

    I agree with CMG, you have the best approach. Love them, try to guide them, and pray like hell.

  52. ~jtm says:

    “~jtm: OK, the crying response is surprising me. LOL I’m sorry!”

    Yea, when you started with…

    ::snip::…How can I protect him from a hate that he’ll see more and more of as he grows up? What tools can I give him to deal with irrational cruelty and sanctimonious judgment, knowing full well that he will continue to run into it even though it makes absolutely no sense to either of us?

    A mother should never have to try to explain hate to her child….::snip::
    as a mom with a 13 y/o talking suicide due to hate she experiences on a daily basis, over stuff she can’t control… you cry.

    You handled the situation with your son excellent!

  53. Nat says:

    Parenting is the most heartbreaking of tasks. You done good, Miss Britt.

    We were dealing with “Why don’t they like me?” a few weeks ago. Sigh.

  54. Ms. Karen says:

    You gave an excellent response to this ugly situation. I used to work in the public school arena and there were times I would have to set aside all that policy bullshit to tell a kid that they were being rude and to shut up. No one stands in my health room and calls something they don’t like “gay.”

    Even though my mate and I don’t see eye-to-eye on the gay issue (I’m fine with it, he’s not), I have made it known to my children that no matter who they are when they grow up, they will always have me on their side.

    Ok, maybe not so much if they become republicans, but I’ll still call them once in while.

  55. Jay says:

    This is why it’s good that I don’t have kids. I have no idea how I would deal with this type of situation. I mean, other than to go and destroy the staff at the day care. That I could do.

    But, the whole talking to the kid about all of it would be impossible for me to handle that as well as you did.

  56. I live in fear of the day this happens to my daughter. Someone rousing her in such a manner. But at the same time, she has red hair and the stereotypical I’m pretty sure I’ll just get the call about her beating some kids ass instead. Both ideas are equally terrifying. Additionally, my Aunt Flo is gay. Not my period, but my legitimate Aunt Flo. I grew up around her and her girlfriend. They were always at holidays. And they gave you scratch-off lottery tickets for christmas without any regard to your age. So when I was growing up, gay just meant that you were a woman that didn’t wear a bra, had a girlfriend with a rhyming name, and you gave out AWESOME x-mas gifts.

  57. Jer says:

    The mean people always have friends, because their friends are either a) using them for some reason, b) have no fucking self-esteem at all and don’t have the cajones to tell those people off or C) are just LOSERS themselves.

    I’m sorry your son had to endure this, but I’m glad you were there for him.

    I’m a lesbian, I’ve known all my life. As an adult it’s like so what (but I also live in Atlanta where’s it’s almost taboo to not be gay in some way). As a kid…small town in northern upstate NY.

    And as a former teacher…kids are just really mean to each other.

  58. J.O. says:

    I had to have so many similar conversations with my daughter. She was bullied endlessly until she became a freshman. We lived in a really small town so she had to live down the reputation of her brothers.
    Even though the school had an anti bullying policy they failed to do anything at all. The final straw was when a teacher called her out in the lunchroom and called her a thief without knowing any back story to the situation. That was one teacher that wished I had never moved to their small town.
    I watched her self esteem plummet and she started failing her classes. No matter how much I talked to her it didn’t help. We got lucky and was able to move and at her new school she blossomed into an awesome young lady. She is now a straight A student and is no longer just taking the shit.
    I wrote all that to say this: Please do not ever back off. Make them do something about the bullying. And keep the lines of communication open with Devin.

  59. othurme says:

    Oh..I’ve commented before…you just never acknowledged me because you assumed I was gay. I get it.

  60. Dragon says:

    You’re a good soul, Britt.

  61. it’s funny that you should post this today (or maybe it’s not a coincidence) since today gay couples are getting married in california.

    gay is such a fact of life in my house that sometimes i forget what it means outside.

    my 24-year-old son is gay. he has been out (to me) since he was 16. i have posted about this multiple times, including today — a description of a conversation we had when the original ruling to grant marriage licenses was made weeks ago.

    my 13-year-old daughter has lived with this for as long as she can remember. it’s just part of her world to have a gay brother … and to see him comfortably affectionate with his boyfriend.

    am i off-topic slightly? dunno. all i know is i think you did good, britt.

  62. Angel says:

    Wow, I just had a very similar conversation with my 6yo; in fact I twittered about it last week. After going over the basics, I asked if she had any questions about what gay meant, and she asked “How do you spell it?”

    Anyway, it’s a really tough thing to talk about, but if we don’t talk to our kids about the tough things, other people will, and if we want them to be not only tolerant, but open-minded to different lifestyle choices, or cultural or ethnic differences, or socio-economic differences, or political differences, or anything else that can be such a hot topic, then we have to lay the foundation. Sounds like you did a great job!

  63. lizriz says:

    Great post.

    I don’t have kids, but when I read about people having discussions like this with their kids it gives me hope for the future.

  64. Such heavy stuff for so young. Poor kid. And poor you–mother tiger roars and yet what can you do?

    I don’t know that I’d pass that parenting moment either. Last weekend while I watched Juno, my 6 year old concluded from the bits he’d seen that that girl got a huge baby in her belly from drinking orange soda. I didn’t correct him.

  65. Bucky says:

    A wise friend of mine from England once told me that a child’s innocence is lost on his/her first day of school.

    I believe him.

  66. Miss Britt says:

    Willie G: yeah, finding out someone else got to him before I did – I really felt like I’d dropped the ball.

    Cricky: I can’t say that I haven’t had that same fear myself.

    ~jtm: oh, um, yep. I can see that. (As I am now crying. Damn.)

    Nat: yeah, that question twists the knife too.

    Ms. Karen: yeah, I don’t know if my husband is AS fine with it as I am. I know he’s fine with it with anyone else – but I’m not sure how he’d feel if it was one of his kids. Especially his son.

    Jay: us parents? with kids? We have no fucking clue what we’re doing either.

    Shamelessly Sassy: I wish I knew more gay people like THAT.

    Jer: yeah, if it’s not this it will be something else. Unfortunately.

    J.O.: I’m having problems reaching anyone there today. But I definitely don’t intend to drop it.

    othurme: hahhahahahhahhaa – you’re on to me.

    Dragon: Oh. Lord. I don’t know about THAT. I’m pretty dark and twisty sometimes.

    But thank you. :-)

    the planet of janet: I didn’t realize these days would coincide. I actually thought Californians got that right about a week or so ago.

    Angel: yeah, I think I need to stop being so afraid of disturbing his innocence. It’s obviously a little late for that.

    lizriz: well that’s good to hear. I would think it would make you want to swear off parenthood for life. LOL

    Ok, Where Was I?: I can see me doing that. We have NOT had the “this goes in there” talk yet.

    Bucky: maybe that’s why moms always cry on the first day of kindergarten. We know on some level what’s coming.

  67. Kay says:

    I think you handled it very well Britt. :hug: I remember when I realized that bullies are the ones with low self esteem, I wish I had known that and understood it when I was eight though. :crazy:

  68. Other peoples’ kids suck. :annoyed:

    At least you have your wits about you enough to explain it and be honest about it instead of being like those other kids parents who have probably led those kids to think being gay is not just a choice, but a bad one at that.

  69. BaltimoreGal says:

    Miss B- Having been an Army Brat, I have been both a bullied victim and a popular kid- it all depended on, well, NOTHING. I learned early on in my many moves that the world of childhood popularity (or unpopularity) is completely fabricated. It’s hard to tell a kid that when they’re in it, though. If your son will only be in that daycare for a little while longer (a few months, etc) then teaching him wit and strength may be the answer. If it’s going to be a long-term thing, I say get him out and let him start over.

    Also? You owe your gay friend a BIG, BIG drink.

  70. Melody Spencer says:

    Hi There Miss Britt, I read this post and was a bit conflicted. On the one hand I can see that you are concerned about your son being teased, which is commendable. On the other hand however, you appear to be giving your 8 year old son the opportunity to accept a gay lifestyle.

    I am also a Mother and, I would never assume that my child will be gay or that, I should make it sound okay if they were. As a Christian, I would feel strongly that it is my duty to teach according to the biblical principles. I have shared with my daughter already God’s plan for the marriage and the family, and that, that does not include two persons of the same sex.

    While I know my way of thinking will be called “hate speech” in the 21st century, I really don’t care! I care more about what God thinks and what my husband and I wish to communicate to our children.

    Respectfully Yours,


  71. Neither of my parents did. So, you probably are in the clear…..

  72. jester says:

    Wow, it took 70 comments before someone showed up to throw around the Christian beliefs about homosexuality. Man. It only takes 3 or 4 comments at my place to get that.

    Melody – I pray to your god that you don’t end up having a gay child, because the torture and living hell that having a parent who calls you an “abomination” is too much for any one to have to bear.

    And regardless of your religious beliefs about gays, you should be teaching your acceptance, love, compassion, and humility, as THAT is what Jesus’s teachings were supposed to be about.

  73. Lynda says:

    While you can’t protect him from hate and insensitivity, you can always let him know that whenever kids say or do something that makes him feel uncomfortable or bad, he can come to you and talk about it.

    I think you did the right thing, and I liked your explanations to him.

  74. Lynda says:

    Not to say you didn’t do that…just that every now and then a reminder is a good thing too. :heartbeat:

  75. Miss Britt says:

    Kay: yeah, I wish there was a fast track method for learning that stuff.

    Undomestic Diva: and it appears we have a fine example of just such shit below…

    BaltimoreGal: I really do. A huge drink.

    Melody Spencer:

    “you appear to be giving your 8 year old son the opportunity to accept a gay lifestyle.”

    Well I’m glad THAT part was clear. That’s exactly what I was doing.

    Teaching him about acceptance. And love. And all that other stuff this guy named Jesus spent years and years of his life trying to teach people.

    “I am also a Mother and, I would never assume that my child will be gay or that, I should make it sound okay if they were.”

    While I don’t want to tell you how to raise your own children (trying to be TOLERANT and ACCEPTING and all), I will tell you from one parent to another that it is a dangerous thing to let our kids know early on that there are limitations to our love and acceptance of them.

    “As a Christian, I would feel strongly that it is my duty to teach according to the biblical principles. I have shared with my daughter already God’s plan for the marriage and the family, and that, that does not include two persons of the same sex.”

    And good for you. Don’t have sex with girls. I’m glad you’re clear on God’s plan for YOU and YOUR marriage. And if that’s what you believe, I think you should live your life that way.

    HOWEVER, I hope to God that you are also teaching your daughter that sincere Love and genuine Acceptance is as much a part of a the Christian God’s “plan for us” as any thou shall our thou shalt not rule that was ever written.

    “While I know my way of thinking will be called “hate speech” in the 21st century,”

    Um, no. Actually. People who talk about love and acceptance would give you a RIGHT to YOUR beliefs. They would simply ask the same RESPECT from you.

    “I really don’t care! I care more about what God thinks and what my husband and I wish to communicate to our children.”

    And yay for you Melody.

    Focus on what YOU care about – just make damn sure that doesn’t step on the toes of what other innocent people (children included) around you care just as much about.

    Because that would make you a hypocrite.

    And no one wants that. Right?

  76. othurme says:

    I am surprised it took this long for a negative comment.

  77. Hilly says:

    I’m not Miss Britt but I play her on TV…I mean, I *am* a Christian. I wholeheartedly believe that you do not “allow anyone to accept a gay lifestyle”…if a person is gay, they are gay. In those situations, I think maybe Jesus would like us to be loving and accepting…you know, tolerant.

  78. Hilly says:

    Oops, I forgot my example! My boss is a Christian who believes that homosexuality is the ultimate sin. He’s not always tolerant of it however…his brother is gay. He absolutely believes that he is supposed to love his brother the way he is because that is what God wants.

    /religious babble

  79. BaltimoreGal says:

    Yeah, Melody- make sure you are doing all those other things God tells you to do like not eating pork and staying away from your man when you are “unclean”.
    There is nothing, nothing, nothing! wrong with being a Christian and teaching a child your beliefs. But there is really something wrong when you teach your child that God will judge you based on who you love.

  80. BaltimoreGal says:

    … like Jon Stewart says about the Christian right and the ‘liberal elite’- “What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?”

  81. I think that your response to him was so fantastic. I hope that when I have to deal with little asshole bullies calling my kids names, that I’ll remember how calmly you reacted and how well thought out your conversation was with him.

    Kids…they can be so mean. Sorry this is happening to your son.

  82. Winter says:

    Well, at least she wasn’t flaming and trying to cram her way of thinking down your throat, Britt. I never mind people having an opposing opinion, as long as they aren’t trying to shove it down my throat with their fist and flaming words.

    Oh, and what I meant about it being pathetic that I had to ask my kid when she first heard those words was that I just have that ingrained feeling that when Motley was younger, I should have known EVERYTHING that was going on in her life. Which is ridiculous of course. No one can know everything because we can’t spend 24/7 at our kids’ sides. I don’t remember specifically talking to Motley about gay people, but I must have at some point. Maybe she’ll come by sound off on this on her own. She does tend to follow me around the net to all the cool places. :wink:

  83. It’s days like today, and comments like Melody Spencer’s, that makes me proud to say I am a Witch.

    I don’t have to worry about My Gods and Goddesses being represented by a bunch of hate-mongering, intolerant, ignorant, overly zealous and most times, completely hypocritical people that try and use a book edited by men 2-thousand years ago who wished to be controlling, pleasure-inhibiting, and cookie cutter the human race based on their own ideals and hide behind the mask of a Diety who is *supposed to be* loving, kind and just.

    Wait, aren’t Episcopalians Christians? And don’t they allow gay clergy to serve in their churches? Wow….talk about confusing the masses who actually believe in and follow that Bible….

    no offense to you Christian types. I know most Christians do love all, gays included. I just hate the bible thumpers like Mrs. Melody Spencer over there….it’s a shame that closed-minded people like her feel the need to spread their hate around the world and disguise it as love.

    *steps off my soap box and goes back to making potions, casting curses, eating babies and whatever else it is the Bible Thumpers are going to say I do*

  84. Angel says:

    Oh, I forgot to mention that yesterday that exact song was on in the car as I picked up my sweet ones and my daughter said, “Mommy, that girl is gay because she is a girl singing about liking to kiss girls!”

    It does suck that our kids aren’t blessed with the same blissful ignorance of the tough issues in the world until they hit their adolescence, like in previous generations.

    But it isn’t what it should be.

    It isn’t what it could be.

    It isn’t what it would be.

    It is what it is.

    And we have to roll with the punches.

    And regarding your response to Melody, I’d like to thank you for explaining it so diplomatically. And I hope you don’t mind if I blog my own response, as well. (If you do, spank me later. :-P )

  85. jester says:

    So Melody Spencer and The Doctor are the same person. Astonishing.

    Melody Spencer is THE THING!

  86. Mean people just S-U-C-K!!!!

  87. i came back to read the comments … and found our tolerant friend melody.

    all i can say is: i’m glad I’M the parent of my child and not her.

    not that i’m pimping my own blog or anything (much… heh), but the top of this post was how i handled my gay child. he has been forever grateful for that.

    oh, and britt? today was the first official day for legal same-sex marriages.

  88. Di says:

    I think you handled this situation very well. Unfortunately kids can be really cruel and mean. My son who is now 15 has been having this same issue since he was in fourth grade it is a horrible feeling as a parent to hear this from your child. Luckily for my son the older he got the less he got teased but I just had to keep telling him that bullies pick on people because they are usually insecure and it makes them feel better.

  89. Sarah says:

    That’s heartbreaking. All I know is that a parent’s love and understanding goes a lot further than you think. You handled that beautifully and you are a wonderful, kind parent if I’ve ever read about one.

  90. Bec says:

    You are an amazing parent. My God, Britt, you should publish a book and have your own show – you’d be about… mmm… 100% better than that SuperNanny witch!

  91. Melody Spencer says:

    Miss Britt, This comment is to eliminate any confusion that you might have as to my identity. The gentleman, and my co-worker, who calls himself “the doctor” actually allowed me to use his computer.

    Upon reading your comments on the site he was posting in, I thought I’d follow the link as your comments did interest me, and thus, my remarks. Therefore, I ask you to rest comfortably as my comments are my own and not another’s.

    While I generally don’t comment on blogs, I did want to finalize my earlier statements and, I hopefully will accomplish a good deed today.

    You know, I hear the statement that “Jesus taught tolerance and acceptance” quite often, and, what is interesting to me is that, most people can’t even explain that.

    To state that Jesus taught unconditional acceptance is a very misleading statement. If you have really read the Bible and have understood the person of Jesus Christ, you would know that there were many things that He did not accept in people!

    For example, He did not accept “Religious Affiliation” amongst religious people. He told Nicodemus, a Pharisee and a ruler of the Jews, “except a man be born again, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3)

    However, in today’s world, we would say God would not condemn a “good person”, nor would He judge people who live contrary to His will. We try to make God into our own image rather than accepting Him as He has revealed Himself in The Bible!

    Make no mistake about it, Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for man’s sin. He died for rotten sinners like yourself and ME and everybody else in the world. However, that doesn’t give us an automatic ticket to heaven.

    The Bible also says: “To many as receive Him (Jesus), to them, He gives the authority to become a child of God, to those who believe (put their trust in) in His name” (John 1:12).

    In summary, Jesus is telling us that unless we repent of sin, personally receive Him as our Savior and Lord, we cannot and will not go to heaven when we die!

    Now, I know that is probably too deep for most people on your blog. But, if you really love the people Miss Britt, then you will share God’s truth to them as the Bible records it and not according to this post-modern world, where relativism is the order of the day.

    Lastly, and if you think that being “accepting” of peoples sinful lifestyle is approved by God, then please ponder the following Scripture from the great Apostle Paul: ( I assume you know of him if you profess to be a “Christian”)

    “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 1:6).

    I can assure you that this one verse alone (there are many more) flys in the face with the kind of thinking that you have displayed as it relates to be “tolerant and accepting”. I hope that you will at least prayerfully consider what I have said, and I challenge you personally to read the Bible and see where you can contradict what I have already shared. Take care and have a blessed evening with your family.

    Respectfully Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  92. Angel says:

    Melody, the bottom line, is that it is your God’s place to judge, not yours.

    That is the issue I, and I assume others, take with your self-righteous, “I am better than you” drivel. If you truly are a Christian, wouldn’t you want to draw others into Christ by being an example of his grade and goodness?

    Maybe I’m just not “smart enough” to get it, but your brand of Christianity is arrogant and self-important and frankly, Christians who treat others as less than they themselves are worth are the exact reason I can’t bring myself to accept Christ as my savior. If being a Christian means treating people as I have just witnessed you treat others, I will remain unsure for the rest of my days.

    God may not accept into heaven those but the born again, but that does not mean that you have to be hateful toward everyone else. You are not God. You are not Christ. You would do well to remember that before you go around damning people to hell. As far as I know, being a Christian means you believe all one must do is accept Christ into their heart and soul as savior, no matter what their sin, and they will be welcomed into heaven.

    I wish many blessings to you and yours. I feel very sorry that you and your children will miss the opportunity to know and love wonderful people, and I am so very thankful that I, and my children, will not.

  93. Emily says:

    I’d be curious to hear what Melody here thinks of what Jesus himself had to say about homosexuality.


    Oh that’s right, according to the Bible, he didn’t say one thing about it. Wasn’t important. What modern homophobic Christians seem to be clinging to for justification are the words of Paul, and the words of the priest codes from the OT. Not Jesus–y’know, the guy they claim to follow.

  94. Jen says:

    People like Melody/The Doctor make me want to have 100 babies and raise them all to be gay just out of spite. Um, you know, if that were possible.

    Good for you Britt, you handled the situation with your son beautifuly!

  95. Meg says:

    I loved your post and there’s nothing clever I can add that everyone else hasn’t already pointed out.

    I have been changing the radio away from that song when it comes on – but maybe it would actually be a good starting point for a frank discussion about,well, some tough issues for moms and dads to put into words that their kids will understand.

    And if nothing else – the kid gave you some blog fodder!

  96. Melody, excuse me? “I know that is probably too deep for most people on your blog. ” Hmmm, first allow me to say that the last time I checked? I was tested at an IQ of 135 and am a member of Mensa. So deep? Yeah, I get it. I went to Sunday school just like you and since, oh my, the Holy Bible comes in many versions (written in English, no less) I think I’ve been able to read it and understand it in my short 36 years. Second, let me say that it’s religious fundamentalist nuts like you who give rise to the Ku Klux Klan, Ted Haggart (who preaches against homosexuality during the day and practices homosexuality at night), radical Muslims who kill everyone including their own because “Allah” tell them to do so, and Warren Jeffs.

    Allow me to leave you a quote by Dr. Jonathon Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the UK’s Orthodox Synagogues:

    “I define fundamentalism as the attempt to impose a single truth on a plural world and what really lies behind it is fear, a profound insecurity that makes you feel when you meet somebody who’s not like you or doesn’t agree with you that challenges you and threatens your very being. Aggression is always a sign of insecurity, and insecurity is always, at bottom, a lack of faith, not the presence of it.”

    I propose, madam, that you are an insecure woman who is so fearful of not only your faith but of someone, like a homosexual person who proudly lives openly and with faith in God (as many do), who doesn’t interpret the Holy Bible in your narrow-minded manner, that you’ll sit there behind your anonymous screen and proselytize about a topic of which you know nothing about: homosexuality. Do you know anyone who is homosexual? I doubt it. They aren’t human to you, they’re just… things. And those things are something to be feared, so feared you use the beloved Messiah of one of the most gentle, forgiving, welcoming faiths to fear monger the commenters of this site.

    Good day, Mrs. Melody Spencer, and good luck with that whole screwed-up, fearful, insecure version of Christianity you so proudly practice.

  97. misi says:

    Oh Melody- What a horrible ex: you are making us Christians look like.
    And I absolutely DARE you to call me out on that!!!
    Get it right girly: IT’S NOT YOUR PLACE TO JUDGE!!!!
    furthermore it’s not your place to even tell other’s their wrongs, unless they are in your church sharing same beliefs… You know if a brother sins against you, tell him, doesn’t listen…… that scripture.
    Jesus WOULD NEVER condemn and say the things you say here to strangers (who!!!SHOCKINGLY!!! DID NOT ask you FOR YOUR OPINION)!!!… Shame, Shame.
    That’s all I care to say to. Oh and thank the Lord my church doesn’t have people like you in it. We embrace all who come and teach what God is:LOVE!!!!!!!

  98. Hey Melody

    Nobody cares except your family and friends.

    Hit the road and preach to someone else, leave us “sinners” to our blogging and parenting.

    Have a lovely evening with your family,
    Blondefabulous :angel: :evil:

  99. [...] Melody Spencer Blues: An Open Response Posted on June 17, 2008 by Willie G You can find the original post that this response is based upon here.  (Follow the comments deep inside to find the ones from [...]

  100. sodapop says:

    I had a boss once who told me I was “evil” and deserved to burn in hell and/or “be destroyed” because I have tattoos.

    Funny thing? Pastor Dave commented on my fabulous tattoos during my baptism a few months ago.

    Great post, Britt.

  101. sodapop says:

    Yeah. I hit the button too soon. LOL Pastor Dave loved my tattoos. I’ve been accepted into my church. and GASP, I have six tattoos.

    Not quite the same thing as being gay, but showing the “acceptance” thing we *real* Christians do.

  102. [...] comparison to some of the bloggers I really enjoy. One of whom, MissBritt, just posted today about having the “gay” talk with her son, just 8 years old. This got my interest, because just last week I had almost the same talk with my [...]

  103. Melody Spencer says:

    Miss Britt, apparently, in my sincere attempt to dialogue with you I angered a few of your readers. That certainly was not my desire. I simply stated a Christian position and backed it up with the Scriptures, but that was still not good enough.

    As a result, I have been designated a “hate monger”, the very thing that I predicted to The Doctor while we were having dinner. Miss Britt, if people in the gay community and/or supporters of the gay lifestyle is going to have meaningful dialogue, they will have to become less threatened by Biblical Truth.

    I see nowhere in my comments where I insulted anyone; I made observations based on what I believe the Bible teaches. I think the mere fact that I have a Master’s degree in Biblical Studies qualifies me to make observations concerning our current socital issues in an informed and intelligent manner.

    Now, I will address a few of the readers concerns/comments in a pithy manner:

    ANGEL– I wasn’t judging anyone. However, the Lord does command His people to judge people: “By their Fruits, you shall know them”. That calls for discernment and judgment!

    EMILY– You said Jesus didn’t speak of homosexuality–because it wasn’t important. Well, you’re wrong! The Lord Jesus affirmed Heterosexual marriage by speaking these words:

    “Have you not read that He (God) who made them at the beginning made them MALE & FEMALE, and said, for this reason a MAN shall leave HIS FATHER and MOTHER and be joined to his WIFE, and the TWO shall become ONE flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what GOD has JOINED together, let not MAN put asunder!” (Matthew 19:4-6)

    Therefore, He clearly states several significant things that blows your logic out of the water:
    1. Marriage is a Divine Institution, not a State institution.
    2. God designed marriage between MALE & FEMALE.
    3. God created only two sexes that HE recognizes
    for marriage and that is MALE & FEMALE.
    4. Only God can dissolve marriage, not man or the government.

    It is at this point if Jesus wanted to affirm Gay marriage, He would have done it! But, instead He quotes the passage in the book of Genesis. Furthermore, your logic is weak and faulty. Why? Jesus NEVER spoke of rape, child molestation, pedohpilia, beastiality (sex with animals)pornography, being in gangs, the KKK and the like. Do you think any of those afore-mentioned items mean anything to God? Of course they do! Get a better argument as this one is weak and doesn’t make your point.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter–You might have a IQ of 135, but you’re biblically illiterate! By the way, I have an IQ of 160. What does that mean? Well, I am currently working on my second Master’s!

    MISI–I choose not to address your ignorance. However, for the record, I refer you to Matthew 28, and there, you will find the The Great Commission. That where Jesus commissioned His church to share the gospel to every creature in every nation! Your take that we are not suppose to say anything about Christ or the Christian life unless we are in the church is FALSE!

    BLONDEFABULOUS– you said nobody cared, but you were wrong. Just because I shared some Scripture I was attacked. For those who think that I am insecure, I will assure you if an objective person were to read my comments and then yours, they will easily see who it is that is insecure.

    Miss Britt, I hope you really understand that I obviously have no personal beef with you as I don’t even know you and vice versa. I hope that you can find it in your heart to try to see what I was attempting to communicate. It was my assumption that since you have gone on the record as being a follower of Christ, then you could at least embrace the “Truth” from God’s Word.

    Finally, if people disagree with my assessment, convictions, etc. That is fine with me! I am not the person with whom you have a beef, it is the Lord Himself! And for those of you who think that you can have Jesus christ and a sinful lifestyle all at the same time is being grossly Deceived. The Bible says the following words to those who really are in Christ:

    “If any man be in Christ, he/she is a new creation. Old things are passed away. Behold, all things are made new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

    Good Night To All,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  104. Hilly says:

    Dude…how did this get so far away from the actual subject at hand? Isn’t this supposed to be about Britt’s son and the names he’s being called at school?

    We should end the proselytizing and move on now, seriously…

  105. Dude. Did she really just claim to have an IQ of 160 in responde to CMD?

    That’s when I started laughing. It’s just too funny. Clearly she’s trying to add authority to her arguments in the only way she knows how. It’s sad really. Once the comments turn to claims of authority based in experience, academic degrees, and IQs it’s only a matter of a few more comments before someone calls someone a Nazi or invokes Hitler as an example. It’s the law of internet forums and comment pages. It’s true.

    I’m sorry Britt. What has happened to Devin sucks. Thank you for sharing it though. It’s brought to my attention that I need to have a talk with my 6 year old and make sure he hasn’t faced any name calling at school. My 5 year old girl too.

    (By the way, I had a “tolerance of homosexuality” post go south like this with a single “Christian” piping up with her instructions on how to be a better christian by not being tolerant–go figure–several years ago. I feel your pain.)

  106. Sigh…. RESPONSE not responde. Any other typos, forgive me. It’s 1am I need to go to bed.

  107. Winter says:

    No! Not yet, Hilly! I have to say something about this quote of Melody Spencer’s:

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter–You might have a IQ of 135, but you’re biblically illiterate! By the way, I have an IQ of 160. What does that mean? Well, I am currently working on my second Master’s!

    HELLO! If you have an IQ of 160, you sure show it by saying “you might have a IQ”. Even 3rd graders know it’s AN before a word that starts with a vowel. Besides, having an IQ of 160 doesn’t automatically mean that people have higher education degrees nor do those degrees mean that people are smarter than those without them. I have some lovely paperwork from the University of California in Santa Cruz, dated the year I turned thirteen that shows that they were willing to take me even though I had not finished high school because they had received the results of my testing which put my IQ at a number above yours! I didn’t go, and I am actually a year short of a BS in Biological Anthropology and a BA in Management from UCLA. So I don’t have ANY 4 year college degree in the can. However, that has NOTHING to do with how smart I am and everything to do with other factors that have occurred in my life.

    Use the intellect you profess to have to accept that you are not converting anyone to your way of thinking with your proselytizing.

  108. Britt, I’m sorry to have contributed to this shit storm that has gone waaaaay off track of the original post. I should have remember that people like Mrs. Spencer are extremely narrow-minded and nothing we say can change her mind. Conversely, nothing she says will ever change my mind. Mrs. Spencer, if you care to speak with me directly rather than here, which is not the proper place or forum, I can be found at

    Thanks, hon, for such a great post and such wonderful proof that you’re a great Mom! :heartbeat:

  109. Crap, “should have remember-ed”. Typing too fast. Forgot the -ed. Ish.

  110. misi says:

    Oh this so funny-MRS. MELODY SPENCER…
    You started out by saying you WERE going to ignore my ignorance AND THEN you started preaching again!
    I’m laughing soo hard at that and your blatant inability to have other’s disagree w/ you.
    We will fight you to the end sister, your on the wrong side of the fence.

  111. Angel says:

    This absolutely has gone way off track, but I think it’s good that there was dialogue. Those of us here who want our children to love all “God’s children” equally need to know what we are up against. We need to know what mis truths those who perpetuate division and discrimination will use to try to elevate their own status over those they feel are less. We have to know the enemy to stand a chance at defeating it…and the enemy isn’t God or religion, or even people like Melody Spencer…the enemy is that part of humanity that feels better about oneself by putting others down. It is just another form of the bullying that little Devin had to experience.

  112. Miss Britt says:

    Hm. I’m not sure I can respond individually to all of these comments now. LOL

    But I’ve read them all! Promise!

    The most I can say is this…

    THIS, sadly, IS relevant to what Devin has been hearing. It goes to the heart of the matter – hate. Judgment. Fear in what we don’t “understand”.

    Now… all THAT being said, I’m not going to change Melody’s mind. Luckily, I don’t feel that is my *calling* or *ticket to heaven*. I don’t subscribe to the theory that it is my job to *save* her.

    The way *I* understand God would suggest that He is perfectly capable of reaching Melody if He wants to, in whatever way He sees fit. And SHE has the OPTION to hear or not.

    Ironically, I’m sure she would say the same thing about me. Except for that whole “God is capable of reaching me without her help” bit.

    It is what it is. The God I believe in does not need me to defend Him or explain Him.

    I am so, so grateful to see, however, that there IS love in the world. There is tolerance. There is understanding. There is a genuine desire to know and accept and love the people around you.

    And THAT is what I want to pass on to MY children.


  113. zchamu says:

    I love me some biblethumping crazies. You can say whatever you want to them, whatever logic or common sense or respect or mutual understanding, and they always end up coming back with some obscure passage from Malakaziah 5:35 that says “God saw the cat and sneezed” that they interpreted to me ZOMG TEH CATS ALL NEED TO BE FRIED AND WOMEN ARE CATS AND TEH WOMEN ARE TEH EVILZ THAT IS WHY I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT TEH EVIL PUSSY IT IS THEIR FAULT NOTMINE GOD SAYS SO!!1″

    Anyway, carry on spreading your beliefs behind the shield of your bible, Melody. I’m sure it gives you great comfort. But just be clear – you don’t speak for the Lord, and the fact that you believe that you do should be more troubling to you than anything.

  114. sandra says:

    The really sad thing? The kids who are saying that stuff likely learned it from their parents; I have a hard time imagining that kids would come up with that on their own.

    Every so often, I’m reminded of how grateful I am to my parents for raising me in a way that didn’t encourage judging others. This is one of those moments.

  115. Tracy says:

    Britt, this post gave me hope for the future…if more parents will take the time to talk to their kids openly like you did, the world will become a nicer place to live in!

  116. Sybil Law says:

    My kid is only 6, and she knows what gay is, but that’s because I have some gay friends and she’s asked questions. I answered them pretty much like you did. Plus, she used to watch America’s Next Top Model with me (Yes – I am a dork!), and the one judge, Miss J or whatever, sooo confused her! She was genuinely confused over whether he was male or female, and why did it dress like that? You just answer the questions honestly, and truthfully, and they seem to accept that. You did a good job!

  117. Sybil Law says:

    Oh and DAMN! I totally should’ve read all those comments first!
    Melody, even though I know you’re gone, it really isn’t YOUR place to judge – period. Jesus WAS all about love AND acceptance – the man hung around a hooker!
    Oh crap don’t even get me started…
    I love your blog, Miss Britt!

  118. Melody Spencer says:

    Good Morning Miss Britt, thank you for attempting to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and convictions.

    I’m sure your readers are a bit confused and don’t what to think. I had a very good laugh I must say, when I read some of the “traditional” comments such as “its not your place to judge”, “Jesus was accepting of everybody”, “it is you bible thumpers, etc. etc.”

    What is even more interesting is no one challenged or refuted anything I said from the Bible! People who are ignorant and biblically illiterate usually fall back on something like this “That’s just your interpretation”, as if they could interpret the Scripture on any level.

    True Christians embrace the Bible as authoritative for their lives; they don’t don’t try to undermind it, dismiss it, and outright reject it!

    Finally, Miss Britt, I wish your son nothing but God’s best for his life! As I told you, I have no personal beef with you. I respect that you have the right to rear your son according to your convictions, etc.

    I would simply challenge you to really get to know the Lord by becoming a serious student of His Word. That way, you won’t be relegated to saying “The way I understand God”, etc.

    The ONLY way you can know Him is through His Word. He has revealed His mind and will through and in His Word, The Bible. As it stands now, the way “you” understand God and the way He reveals Himself through the Scriptures are worlds apart!

    Respectfully Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  119. Miss Britt says:


    I’m running out of cheeks…

  120. Queenie says:

    We had our family gay talk over spagetti dinner with my lesbian friend setting at the table with us. My son asked her why she didn’t have a boyfriend and she was mortified and unable to speak. It was humorous and educational all at once. I am certainly glad that we didn’t have this convo as a result of an act of ugliness.

    You did good Britt. And for the record, I would not be at all mortified if any of my three announced to me that they were gay. That republican thing though…OMG!!! :crazy:

  121. Willie G says:

    “I’m running out of cheeks…”

    Your graciousness in the face of outright bigotry is unprecedented. I for one commend you… for whatever that’s worth :hug:

  122. Shannon says:

    “All I can do is hold him close and tell him that he is loved and hope to God that somehow my love will impact him more than any hate he might encounter.”

    It will… trust me. Not that it’s exactly the same thing, but I had the pleasure of growing up mixed race before things like that were accepted as much as they are now. There were many other children that didn’t even treat me like I was a human being, and I certainly received my share of nasty names, bullying, and problems just for existing.

    None of that was easy. As a matter of fact, it was pretty damned hard. However, my mother ALWAYS saw to it that I knew there was nothing wrong with being myself… and that there was nothing wrong with other kids for being whatever race or nationality they were either. I grew up very well-adjusted, very tolerant, and very accepting.

    I have a strong sense of identity and excellent self-esteem. She couldn’t completely protect me from the world the way she wanted to, because no one can, but she helped me grow and learn from those experiences instead of letting me be beaten down by them instead.

    A mother’s love and support is an extremely powerful thing and it has the ability to get a kid through just about anything life can throw at them with a minimum of bumps and bruises.

  123. Melody Spencer says:

    Miss Britt, Why are you running out of cheeks? You haven’t had to turn any, at least not from me! WE were talking in the break room this morning about how the gay community responds and reacts to people, especially Christians, whenever their views are challenged; they get downright nasty and defensive!

    Gay people are even more guilty of the very thing they cry against Christians: They become “intolerant” and “unaccepting” of Christians and they speak what is now known as “hate speech.”

    Why is that Miss Britt? May I ask you that, as a Christian, are you ever misunderstood? Do people become angry toward you for your “Christian” beliefs?

    I can tell you that people hated Jesus! They hate His stance on just about everything. And He was even crucified because He was so hated. In fact, listen to His Words found in John 3:19-21

    “And this is the condemnation, that light has come into the wrold, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.

    For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.

    But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, and that they have been done in God.”

    There, Jesus gives us several reasons why people reject Him. First, because by nature, mankind is in darkenss (sin) and he naturally hates the Light (Jesus).

    Second, mankind loved being in darkness as it is man’s nature (much like a pig who has been cleaned up…he goes back into the pig’s pen).

    Third, mankind is fearful of coming to the Light (Jesus) because his evil deeds will be exposed by the Light of Christ’s life!

    However, whenever a person has been “Born Again” (born from above) he or she will delight himself/herself in the Truth in order that their works might be manifested that it is from God.

    In closing Miss Britt, contrary to what some of your readers will think and say, their beef isn’t with me or any Christian, it is with the holiness of the person of Jesus Christ!

    Now, I expect to get a response that goes something like this “That’s just your interpretation, etc.” Take care Miss Britt; I’ve told our friend The Doctor that this is my last comments and that I know that your readers will be relieved. I pray someday that God will bring you into the knowledge of the truth!

    Lastly, remember, you have a responsibility to share Christ with your readers, the whole counsel of God, not just that He is “tolerant and accepting”, but that He will judge sin and the people who promote, propagate, and espouse a sinful lifestyle!

    “The Wages of Sin is Death, but the Gift of God is Eternal Life through Jesus Christ Our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

    Very Sincerely Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  124. avitable says:

    Melody, all this Bible quoting is giving me a hard-on. Between this and the talk about your daughter as a lesbian, I’ve got enough masturbation material for a month!

  125. othurme says:

    aw’ javefmpasrjoe/v



    :::wiping up the drool from my keyboard:::

    I fell asleep reading that last comment from Melody.

  126. Oh, man, I missed this one, huh?

    I like Avi’s response.

    I just wanted to tell you you did good, hon. You did real good.

    I’m going to bookmark this post for when it’s my turn.

    Just think if every mom said these things to their children? Just think where we’d be.

  127. Motley says:

    Ahh, controversy. Lovely, isn’t it?

    I have gay friends, heard the word [as my mom has mentioned] anywhere from 1st-3rd grade. Because homosexuality is such a big topic, it’s no wonder he’s heard the word. Kids are nasty and mean, always have been. I’ve been called a dyke before and my friend who recently passed away had also received her fair share of gay insults slung her way because of her height and looks. I’d say the right time to introduce such a topic to a child would be when they start interacting with other children on a regular basis. Chances are, at that point it’s only a short matter of time before they hear those kinds of hateful words.

    @Melody;; I just had to say, I have gay friends who follow the Christian doctrine and are genuinely good people with the same faults and insecurities as the rest of us. And although they are trying to live as Christians and still be true to themselves, they are persecuted and torn apart by hateful words of other so-called Christians. I doubt such hateful violence [and yes, it is violence] is in anyway considered “right” by God, judging by what the Bible says and what I have learned from it and leaders in my church.

    I’m not saying the Bible is wrong, but the world has changed and it cannot go back to the way it was before. In this day and age, tolerance of other religions and sexual preferences, among other things, is indeed a necessity, regardless of whether it was in Jesus’ time or not.

    Lastly, it doesn’t do much good to back up your argument with scriptures as not everyone believes in it. While it may be true to you, it is not true to others and they may not see it as fact. Instead of quoting directly, perhaps try to explain it in your own words? It may come off as more believable that way. Some people automatically disbelieve anything quoted from the Bible because they feel it’s a load of bull. It’s stupid, but it’s the way some people think.

  128. [...] think this is a subject, like sex or drugs, that can be addressed in one conversation.  So when Miss Britt wrote this the other day, I recalled the boys using “That’s so gay,” and wanted to talk to Dylan about [...]

  129. [...] think this is a subject, like sex or drugs, that can be addressed in one conversation.  So when Miss Britt wrote this the other day, I recalled the boys using “That’s so gay,” and wanted to talk to Dylan about [...]

  130. zchamu says:

    Dear Melody, I know exactly what to think. You are a conservative christian who is afraid of the ghey, hiding behind your interpretation of the bible and presuming to speak for the Lord, and coming in here inexplicably and stirring up shit because you like the attention.

    Honestly, there was never any confusion.

  131. 6ft5 says:

    I´m sorry your son´s having a hard time in school and I was gonna say that because of growing up with a family like yours everything will be fine but then some comments reminded me that being grown up isn´t always that great either!

    It warms my heart that Devin gets to live in an open and loving family!

  132. Melody Spencer says:

    Dear Motley, First, I want to sincerely applaud you for the way you addressed me. Thank you that you do not have the need to be immature in your response even though you may disagree with my position.

    Let me assure you that I can handle your disagreeing with me, and I appreciate that you can communicate intelligently without having to insult and to be defensive. Believe me, that is a rarity these days when these kinds of discussion comes up! Unfortunately, not very many persons on this blog have what you have.

    That being said, please allow me to make a few short observations for your consideration. Yes, you are correct that there are people who do not subscribe to the teachings of Scripture or of Jesus Christ. I totally get that.

    However, one would not expect a person who say that they are a “Christian” to reject the Bible or the teachings of Christ. Think about it, where does one get one’s “Authority” to call themself a Christian? From the Bible!

    Why? Because the Bible is the ONLY book that reveals the heart of God and the person of Jesus Christ! The Bible is the ONLY book that tells us of our sinful condition, our separation from God, and our need for Salvation thru Christ.

    If a person rejects the ONLY source that gives them the answers to their questions, how can they be authentically Christian? See, true believers would understand exactly what I am conveying.

    Motly, I have never met a true Christian who rejects the Bible! That is unheard of in Christian circles.

    As far as explaining the Scriptures, that is what I do every single day at work as I work for the largest Christian Radio Station in America! I was hired because of my advanced degree in Biblical Studies and my strong convictions as a follower of Jesus Christ.

    So, perhaps you’re correct that these particular persons on this blog need me to really break down the Scripture for their understanding. If I were going to be on a blog consistently, I probably would do just that.

    Lastly, there is one thing that I think you should consider/and/or/re-think. The Bible is relevant for all generations and for all people as it is The Written Word of Almighty God!

    There is but one truth, and it is our responsibility to seek it and the Bible, like no other book, passes the test as it relates to its authenticity. Therefore, God will never compromise His Truth just to appease “different cultures and peoples”.

    Here are some interesting facts about the Bible that no other religious book can even compare:

    1. Written over a span of 1500 years.

    2. Written by 40 different persons, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, many of whom didn’t even live on the same continent, nor did they even live in the same era.

    3. Written on several different continents.
    4. Has impeccable continuity and unity.
    5. Is without question the most powerful book on the face of this earth! Even after all of the attacks, put downs, rejection, etc. This book is STILL the most read book in the world! Why? Because people really do know in their heart of hearts that, it is the Word of the living God! The Bible is divine rather than human in origin.

    Thank you again Motly for your kindness and understanding. Thank you also for your words as they are respected and appreciated. Perhaps you can help Zchamu who, needs to understand that her juvenile rantings doesn’t scare or intimidate people who know what they are talking about! Knowledgeable people don’t have to “hide behind their interpretation of the Bible”, we stand behind our interpretation of the Bible! That is what you are not able to do, therefore, you choose to insult as a defensive mechanism to hide your obvious ignorance.

    Good night to all, and to Miss Britt, thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts, convictions, and observations. Be assured that I will get back to my normal and very good life.

    Very Sincerely Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  133. avitable says:

    Ooh Melody, that’s hot. Keep talking like that. I’ve got a party in my pants with your name written all over it!

  134. SciFi Dad says:


    I realize I am a little late to the discussion, and that I am pulling a quote from a comment other than your most recent one, but you quoted the Bible earlier:

    “Have you not read that He (God) who made them at the beginning made them MALE & FEMALE, and said, for this reason a MAN shall leave HIS FATHER and MOTHER and be joined to his WIFE, and the TWO shall become ONE flesh? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what GOD has JOINED together, let not MAN put asunder!” (Matthew 19:4-6)

    Where, in that quote, is the word, “only”? As in, only individuals of differing genders may be married, or joined in the flesh?

    I see that the quote states that He created two genders, and that people will grow up, leave home, and create a union (both figurative and literal) and that the bond cannot be broken by man. I don’t see anything about restricting this to heterosexual couples.

    While you may argue that the choice of words “man” and “wife” imply heterosexuality, the omission of the the word “only” means that it is not strictly a hetero concept. I say this because the Gospel is inspired by God, and is therefore infallible, and as He intended it to be. Subsequently, the lack of the word “only” means that it’s not limited to hetero couples.

  135. zchamu says:

    @Melody – good to see I got to you.

  136. Melody Spencer says:

    Good Day Scifi Dad, thanks for your comments. My friend, you apparently are struggling with understanding the mind and intent of God as He had made it clear what He intended.

    When He created “Male & Female”, He was clearly speaking His mind of an Heterosexual union between MALE & FEMALE ONLY! Since you were kind enough to admit (no one else on this site has admitted it) that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, that says that God’s institution of marriage is clearly outlined throughout the Bible.

    Therefore, when Jesus quoted the words from Genesis, He was affirming the institution of marriage as had been given in the very beginning of time. Furthermore, where in the Bible do you find a homosexual marriage?

    Addtionally, the Apostle Paul and other writers in the New Testament afffirms marriage as ONLY between a MALE & FEMALE. In fact the Bible depicts the Church as the “Bride” of Christ. I can assure you that God isn’t involved with a “homosexual union” as His “Bride”.

    Also, in Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul outlines a very powerful, clear cut, and to the point position on “Biblical marriage ” and “The Role of HUSBANDS & WIVES”.

    He also quotes the Genesis record of the institution of marriage, which furthers collaborates with what Jesus have said about marriage.

    In the Ephesian passage, Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, speaks clearly about the roles that husbands play and their duty to their wives. He talks about the roles that wives play and their duty to their husbands. Then, he makes perhaps the most powerful statement when he said:

    “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. (vs. 25)

    “So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” (vs. 28) The simple truth is Paul and our Lord is speaking of Biblical marriage between one man and one woman as a “Covenant” between Himself and the couple. Notice, Paul says that the husband and wife are one.

    Finally, since I am educated in the original Greek lanquage, I can assure you that the words MALE & FEMALE clearly speaks to the masculine of the male gender and the feminine of the female gender. The same is true for the words HUSBAND & WIFE! A man CANNOT be a WIFE and a woman CANNOT be a HUSBAND. It is absolutely not recognized by God, nor is it in the Bible!

    My friend, you would be hard pressed to try to make that work in the way you desire. That is why we call it a “perversion”. Gay marriage seeks to pervert what the Creator has instituted when He perform the first wedding ceremony in the Garden of Eden between ADAM (a man) & EVE (a woman).

    Lastly, if God embraced same sex marriage, He has had ample opportunity to express that in His Word! That is why I have offered a challenge to you or, anyone who think that they can refute what I have said purely from a Biblical perspective. You can’t do it!

    I could have even referred to 1 Corinthians 7. There, PAul even talks about the sexual aspect of the marriage between a man and his wife. In fact, I challenge you to read chapter 7:1-16; you will see that he uses the masculine voice and the feminine voice when he speaks of marriage between men and women. I leave you with these parting words from the great Apostle:

    “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each MAN have HIS own WIFE, and let each WOMAN have HER own HUSBAND. Let the HUSBAND render to HIS WIFE the affection due HER, and likewise also the WIFE to HER HUSBAND.” (7:2-3)

    God is absolutely clear that He made MALE & FEMALE to be joined as HUSBAND & WIFE! Any other so-called union is simply a perversion and a facsimile! Thanks again Scifi Man. I hope you have a great day and may the Lord grant you the understanding of His Word and Will.

    Very Truly Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  137. avitable says:

    Melody, that’s what I’m talking about! Hey, can I see a picture of your daughter to help me finish up?

  138. Dude, seriously. Whose blog is this, anyway?

  139. Melody Spencer says:

    Hey Zchamu, good morning to you! How is your day going? I hope you enjoy the best that life offers as you live from day to day. No, I’m afraid that you did not get to me, however, I’m praying hard that God has gotten to you thru little ole me! Again, may the Lord bless you with the understanding of His Word and Will for your life!

    Very Sincerely Yours,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  140. Melody Spencer says:

    Hey Zchamu, I wanted to give you a compliment. Based on your picture, you’re very pretty too.



  141. Again, allow me to reiterate. The top of this blog? “Miss Britt” The url of this blog? Not not “Mrs. Spencer” – nothing.

    So, seriously hon. Go to, start your own blog, and get on over there and preach to the populous, because this is not your forum. It’s Britt’s and in the last few days you’ve turned it into yours.

  142. Kal says:

    Dear Jesus.
    I don’t really believe in the whole theological side of you, but I’m sure you know that.

    Either way.

    Please, please shut Melody up. I don’t want anything BAD to her, but maybe if her computer could break down, or she could move somewhere with no net access, or maybe she could vanish up her own ass? That would be great.

    She’s really not doing you or your gig any favours.


    (said with a big grin on my face, I don’t ACTUALLY want anything bad to happen to Melody, because she strikes me as bat-shit crazy and I can do without the whole bad juju thing on me, its just, this post started out really well and has descended into one bonkers lady shouting. And frankly?
    It got tired right about the first mention of the word “God.”)

  143. Again, Melody, is this your blog or Britt’s? Because last time I checked, the url is and the title of the blog is Miss Britt. Not “Mrs. Melody” or So, shoo already. You’re using this blog as your forum and it’s not. Go on over to Blogger or WordPress and start your own blog. What you’re doing isn’t changing minds. It’s actually pissing people off and closing off minds. Go get your own soapbox, this one is already taken.

  144. Sybil Law says:

    “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling (1 Peter 4:8-9).”

    “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all things acknowledge him, and he shall direct your way. [Proverbs 3:5, 6]”

    “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.”

    1 Corinthians 8:1

    There you go, Melody.
    Seriously – can’t you just get your own blog?

  145. othurme says:

    “They’re fruitier!”

    Fred Flintstone, 1984

  146. Melody Spencer says:

    Dear Sybil Law, thank you for sharing those wonderful Scriptures; I know them well and make every effort to remember them in my daily life.

    In fact, I am well aware of their context, the author, etc. While I’m not sure what your point is, nothing you quoted has anything to do with my last comments concerning same sex marriage.

    You didn’t even come close to refute my earlier posting, and that was my challenge to our friend, Scifi Dad and to any other person who might want to give it a stab.

    Yes, I am in total agreement that we ought to love people and that is why true Christians share the gospel. We understand what is at stake; people are lost and dying and they will go to hell as many have already gone that way unfortunately.

    The Apostle Paul told us to “Speak the Truth in Love” (Ephesians 4:15). Notice, speak the “truth”, not “Falsehood” in love. I hope that you will try that sometimes; you will find it very liberating!

    To Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, you are correct in your statement “this is Miss Britt’s blog”. That is why I’m confused about why you’re saying what Miss Britt is very well capable of saying? You’re doing the very thing you’re falsely accusing me of: “You’re taking over Miss Britt’s blog.” Please get your own please!

    Good Evening,

    Mrs. Melody Spencer

  147. [...] far be it from me to preach at you, unlike this fruit loop.  I just think with a little effort towards normalized relationships we can all get back to what [...]

  148. [...] leave you on a very serious note. Miss Britt posted this wonderfully sincere and heartbreaking piece on finding out her son is being called gay and the hardships of explaining to an 8-year-old that while there is nothing wrong with being gay, [...]

  149. carrying a big stick says:

    160 IQ, your ever-lengthening posts are boring the very eyeballs from my skull. Thank you Jesus for the scroll wheel on my mouse.

    Listen people, I don’t think that gay or straight is really the point here. I truly doubt that the kids understand what the words mean anyway. Devin summed it up best, “they say it because they think it’s the very worst thing they can say to me.” So, instead of hijacking this forum to inject our personal politics, why don’t we steer this back toward helping Devin. Speaking from experience, I’m sure he feels very lonely at daycare/school sometimes. It’s the worst when you don’t even understand why it’s happening. Some ways to build self-confidence might be a good start. He’s going to need it when the time comes to stand up to the ringleaders. Yelling at the daycare people might help a little but, again from experience, there never seems to be a teacher around when the bad stuff is happening.

    BTW Britt, allow me to congratulate you on your clientele. I don’t think I’ve ever perused a blog/message board with fewer spelling and grammatical errors. Ever tried to read a youtube comment page?

    P.S. “vanish up her own ass” = LoL

  150. David says:

    I just stumbled on to your site from the WebPen Blog.

    Beautifully written. You did your best and that’s what a good mom does.

  151. 'Lissa says:

    I think you handled it great! I don’t think I would have known what to say in that situation. I am not looking forward to the day when my one year old and I have that same talk.

« « Not blogging about not blogging | The Father Son Dynamic – Is that why he pushes? » »

Get the In Pursuit of Happiness Newsletter!

Stay inspired by weekly emails with personal stories, practical tips & links to recent blog posts. You’ll also have access to exclusive discounts on products & events and a handful of freebies I’ve made just for you.

I save my best stuff for subscribers. Sign up today for free!