Now When Will I Find Time To Dust My Mother Of The Year Trophy?

I’ve had this post planned since March.

Today was going to be the day I told you about how badly I would miss my children.

Today I was going to describe in loving detail how I wake up with my three year old in bed with me every morning. I was going to tell you about how I was dreading not feeling those tiny little feet poking me in my ribs and that sleepy but blissful grin that I find myself nose to nose with each day.

Today I was going to talk about how I was going to miss the sound of my son making breakfast in the kitchen for his little sister. I was going to wonder aloud if anyone else was reminding him to brush his teeth and change his underwear.

Today, I am supposed to tell you about singing “You Are My Sunshine” to Emma every night exactly two times so that she can go to sleep, and how that moment just after she’s closed her eyes and just before I get up from her bed is my exactly favorite moment of each day.

I was going to put on a brave face, and tell you that although I was going to be missing them like crazy, I was going to make the most of the next six weeks and focus on all of the things I would be able to do now that Jared and I would have the house – and our whole lives, really – to ourselves. For six weeks.

You would have “ooohed” and “awwwed” and (((hugs)))’ed me and we would have all sat around musing about what a wonderful mother I was for allowing my kids this special time with their grandparents, even though it was clearly breaking my sweet sweet maternal heart to let them go.

That’s what today’s post was supposed to be.

But do we have any of that shit going on here? No. No we don’t.


And so, instead of getting in the car tomorrow morning to drive to Nashville and meet the grandparents and drop off the kids – I WILL BE SPENDING ALL DAMN WEEKEND HOME ALONE WITH THEM.

And instead of 6 weeks of footloose and fancy free living, complete with not one, not two, but three child free Girls Gone Wild weekends with friends – I will be making a mad dash for sitters for a free night here and there and groceries and summer childcare camps and oh yeah – not living child free AT ALL!

And did I tell you about those pokey little feet? The ones that wake me up in the middle of the night? The ones that mean I am getting up late and running around trying to get not ONE but THREE people ready every morning before we all dash out the door for the daycare/commute/work extravaganza?!?! Did I mention that? Because they are still going to be here every dang morning until FOREVER.

And instead of the occasional happy hour after work or a casual “stop at the store” or just a random WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT BECAUSE THE MOOD STRIKES ME JUST BECAUSE I CAN, I will run out of the office at 5 every day and sprint through traffic to do the daycare/dinner/bed/bath extravaganza. Every. Damn. Night.

Such is life. I know. But I have to admit I have allowed myself to fantasize about what the next six weeks would be like for months now. And I was really starting to come around to the idea of having a little Not In Charge Of The Whole Damned World Time. Just a little.

And I know that we’re lucky everyone is OK and no one wanted this and holy crap how spoiled of a brat can one woman be. I know.

But dude. SIX WEEKS. For the first time since I was 19 years old. SIX WHOLE FREAKING WEEKS.

Le sigh. Ah well. I’m sure I would have missed them too much anyway. I mean – clearly.

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  1. avitable says:

    At least now I can activate my 6-week plan to teach Emma to say “twatsicle” when you’re not quite paying attention to her and then lie about it when you ask her what she just said.

  2. Karl says:

    I’d be happy to watch your kids some time. Love kids and I’m pretty good with them. Course, if you RUN on me, I’ll cut you.

    Also, this offer does not apply during BrittCon and also not during Adam’s Halloween party, or any other time I’m going want to be drinking.

  3. Jay says:

    Are they old enough for boarding schools?

    How bout camp? They do those during the summer, right? Don’t they have any of those drop your kids off in June and pick them up in August and we’ll teach them to build things and do arts and crafts projects places anymore?

    No I don’t know much about kids, why do you ask?

  4. Britt's Mom says:

    “Le sigh”?

    THAT was priceless!!

  5. Willie G says:

    As a father of four GROWN children who love to come home and party with their cool parents when said cool parents aren’t busy partying with other cool people I would like to say that I sympathize. Instead I will say that your time will come, and when it does you will wish like hell you could go back, give up the freedom, and do it all over again. Cherish them while you can.

    Great post. I totally understand.

  6. Angel says:

    Dude…you’re grieving. You know, the stages…denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’m guessing you are in the um, anger stage.

    I’ve been at this mothering thing since I was 16. I love my kids, but I love time away from them too. And, as a parenting educator, my professional opinion is that it’s illegal for employees to work long hours without getting breaks. Motherhood should be no different.

    Think if I run for Prez and make that an actual law, would I win? *grin*

  7. Mary says:

    I feel your pain. On the friday nights that my children go to their Dads, I CANNOT wait to get home, revel in the silence etc. Saturday? Nice. By Sunday I’m ready for them to get home! Then comes Monday morning and I’m wishing it was Friday night all over again.

  8. adena says:

    Oh god. Six whole weeks?

    I can’t even imagine getting to be a real, live person for that long.

    Not Mom. Just me. W/ no worries but ME!

    I’m sorry!

    Stupid tornado.

  9. Winter says:

    I remember when Motley’s dad sent her to Rawhide Ranch for 3 weeks. I was sooooo frickin excited. Then when she was gone, I was freaking out. Why didn’t she call to say goodnight? Did a rattlesnake get in the cabin? Did she fall off the draft horse and break something like her brain? Fuck I was a mess. On the weekend I went there to see the little show they put on… she barely registered that I was there other that to ask me to take her laundry, give her more spending money, and oh, can I have a hair cut like Lauren’s my hair is too long and hot?

    The dream of being childless was soo much better than the reality.

  10. Selma says:

    Six weeks of pure, unadulterated, child-free bliss? Sounds like some kind of urban legend. So sorry you missed out. I would have enjoyed it vicariously through you.

  11. I would have been so jealous if someone got to sleep without a foot in their ribs or eye. Because my daughter has been invading my bed lately, and I am about to karate chop her ass if I get another miniature toe in my eye at 4 am.

  12. Stephanie says:

    Why can’t Adam just watch them for you?

    Wait. :slaphead:

    Oh yeah.

    Never mind. I remember now.

  13. Maria says:

    :cry: I would love six weeks of me time. I can feel the fatigue drifting away just thinking about it.

  14. Mr. Fabulous says:

    You have kids?

    Hey, those six weeks you were gonna have? We have that ALL the time.

  15. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: don’t be silly. That kind of training would require constant interaction. I mean, she’d almost have to live at your house for six weeks or something.

    Karl: you can’t cut me if you can’t find me….

    Jay: I don’t know if they still do those camps. The youngest is 3, so probably not. Even the 8 year old my be a little early for that.

    Damn it.

    Britt’s Mom: oh that is stolen. From.. um… everywhere.

    Willie G: yes, but right NOW I am thinking that six weeks sounded pretty cool. :cool:

    Angel: you have my vote!

    Mary: I’ve actually had the “divorced with visitation” fantasy. How sick is that?!?!

    adena: don’t do it. Don’t let your mind go there. TRUST ME.

    Winter: hmmmmmm… I don’t know…..

    Selma: come to find out it IS an urban legend. Damn it.

    Shamelessly Sassy: are karate chops effective? Because I am open to suggestions at this point.

    Stephanie: :lmao: :lmao:

    Maria: I know, I know. Oh man. I’m telling you. Don’t think about it. It’s too painful to wake up from it.

    Mr. Fabulous: I hate you.

  16. Turnbaby says:

    Gee Fabby, only a real douchebag would make that kind of comment :lol:

  17. HoosierGirl says:

    You could be in MY shoes: I get two weeks where all I will do is worry about what their idiot father ISN’T doing (like feeding them or keeping track of them in the mall) with the two youngest, while the two TEENAGERS will be home alone with my car, while I road-trip around the country with my sweetie in a truck! :slaphead:

    See how your life sounds so much better already? :clap:

  18. Musing says:

    Mother Nature is a bitch.

  19. laughter in the morning is a good thing.
    i’m thankful for you.
    no one uses a properly placed “clearly” quite like you!

  20. Mother Nature is a bitch. Six weeks would have been so awesome, I’m sorry.

  21. Nat says:

    I hate when the planets gets in the way of six weeks of hedonism. Alas.

  22. Hallie says:

    Maybe you can just IGNORE them for a day or two. I mean, a few days without food or water, probably won’t kill them!


  23. Britt I know exactly how you feel. How about day camps? maybe not for your 3 years old, but what about your older one? That is going to be my salvation this summer. Camp, BrittCon and one week where they go to my parents place.

    I do sympathize for you. I used to love summer…now I dread it.

  24. Pamela says:

    Six weeks child-free sounds like the best thing evah. I would be totally having the world’s greatest and most obnoxious temper tantrum if I were you. So would any mom with half a brain.

  25. NYCWD says:

    This is just proof that Mother’s are a backstabbing bunch.

    Mother Nature fucked you.

    She fucked you good.

  26. suze says:

    so what you’re saying is that I should relish my child-free days while I can? noted…

    I’m so sorry for your loss of six weeks of hedonistic pleasure. (I can understand why you’re disappointed…)

  27. Kate says:

    I think your reaction to all of this is really quite normal..

  28. If that were to happen to me, I think it would push me over into the insane asylum.

    Yes, we’re thankful everyone is OK, but to have such a dream of six weeks child-free taken away from you….I’m in awe you are still standing.

  29. Miss Britt says:

    Turnbaby: oh you are such a bitch. Sugar.

    HoosierGirl: see, now, I wouldn’t worry about all that stuff. I mean two weeks without food? That’s like… a cleansing or something. Right?

    Musing: exactly. A backstabbing, dream stealing bitch.

    hello haha narf: heh. By the way, TWO WEEKS UNTIL YOU ARE HERE!!! YAY!!!!!!

    Mrs. Schmitty: you and me both. You and me both…

    Nat: I know! It’s like the entire Universe is lining up against ME!

    Hallie: this is a good point. And as long as I don’t blog it the chances of getting turned in to CPS are pretty minimal. Right?

    Cissa Fireheart: day camps? You mean an additional stop on the way to work? No freaking way. I would die.

    Pamela: oh good. It’s not just me then.

    NYCWD: she did indeed. Freaking whore.

    suze: OK, you are the second person to use some variation of the word “hedonistic” in these comments.

    What do you people think I am?!?! Hmmmmmm?

    Kate: well, I guess there is some small comfort in THAT.

    Queen of Shake Shake: I’ll be honest. There has been a lot of rocking back and forth. And drooling.

  30. Dawn says:

    Had I woken up earlier (or stayed up later), I would have beat Stephanie to the suggestion that Adam take the kids for 6 weeks. (Thunder has been stolen!)

    Soooo, I second Stephanie’s suggestion. Adam, start resting up! You’re in for a bumpy ride.

  31. Wendy says:

    You were going to meet in Nashville? We meet my dad and step mom in Nashville to do sort of the same thing. Except it’s only for 1 week this year. And they are both going at 1 time. I totally know where you are coming from. I hate the daycare/dinner/bed/bath extravaganza. Especially because we live on a farm. So the it actually doesn’t start until 9pm or so in the summer time. And by then I’m so tired I don’t care if they eat or not. But for some reason they do. And if my husband could pull his head out of his ass for a short while, he might actually be able to help. Maybe.

  32. Trishk says:

    Maybe they can come down to your house for 6 weeks and watch the kids there? Then you can just ignore everyone and pretend that they are gone. I know how much you love company all the time. :wha:

  33. Crys says:

    yah, i’m thinking you would have made it two weeks, max, before you were walking to Iowa on your own to get them back. funny how life works that way.

    but i hear you. my child is home for the summer officially today, and i am waiting for her to wake up so i can go to the coffee shop and do all the things i normally do while she’s in school.

    waiting. waiting.

  34. Nina says:

    Send them to summer camp at Uncle Avitable’s – or just ask Uncle Aviable to pay for summer camp. And don’t even let him tell you he doesn’t have the money. He has a swimming pool and a comic book collection and a fake boob. That shit costs money, so you know he has it.

  35. I guess you will have to hold out for their house to be rebuilt by next summer.

  36. delmer says:

    I’ve got bad news about the boy needing to be reminded to brush his teeth and change his underwear. That reminder seems to need to be given up to age 13 or 14.

  37. Lynda says:

    Hey, you aren’t a spoiled brat! Everyone needs time for themselves.

  38. Mindy says:

    Who are you kidding.. you would have been sobbing your heart out the moment the grandparents drove away! :lmao:

  39. Janelle says:

    What? I can see your blog today?? Has hell frozen over?!?!

    If you ever do make it Nashville, we have to do lunch or dinner! I only live about 30 mins away. :)

  40. That sucks. I thought I’d say it b/c you don’t know. I mean, six weeks might have been too long and you’d be crazy missing them, but at least those first days of freedom. Sorry! I’d volunteer to throw them in with my two and watch them so you could have a night off, but you’d have to drive about 2500 miles round trip.

  41. Miss Britt says:

    Dawn: pfft. He can take care of someone besides himself for about… oh… two hours.

    Wendy: if my husband is HOME, he helps.

    But that’s a big fat if.

    Trishk: shuddup. I offered that. Complete with “we have a roooof, and four wallllls…”

    No. Really. I totally did.

    Crys: but it would have been a glorious two weeks, wouldn’t it?

    Nina: that is a good point. If he was really my friend, that’s what he’d do.

    themuttprincess: wow. That is a long ass time.

    delmer: uh, my husband is 28.

    Oh I kid, I kid.

    Lynda: thank you! :D

    Mindy: right up until about.. oh… the next morning when I woke up ALL BY MYSELF!!!

    Janelle: I honked and waved at you a couple weeks ago when I saw the sign for your town.

    Ok, Where Was I?: how long are we talkin? Because 2500 miles is realllly not THAT far…

  42. Angel says:

    That’s good to know! But I can’t actually run for president because I have noodz that would surface and the American public would all just *have* to see them the way we look at a car wreck when we drive by and then I’d be responsible for all Americans being blinded by my huge white ass and no one would know which box on the ballot was mine anyway.

    Not that anyone would vote for someone who made them blind anyway. :poke:

  43. maman says:

    Sure, we work hard to save the earth and what does Mother nature do? Throws a tornado into the mix. Just further proof that she is one ungrateful bitch. Sorry babe. :crazywife:

  44. Bonnie B. says:

    Oh God – to have that sweet, sweet dream snatched from my grasp would have sent me right over the edge. Honestly. Yes, it sounds selfish, considering you HAVE a home, but I know EXACTLY where you’re coming from. I’m afraid the smartass in me would call the grandparents and say “So…..we’re still on for the 6 weeks with the grandkids, right?”

    BTW Britt, I totally read you every day and I look forward to it and I hardly ever comment. But that doesn’t mean I don’t :heartbeat: you like a big dog!!!

  45. Poppy says:

    Is BrittCon still happening?

    Yes, I have my fever-induced priorities.

  46. Oh, wow. I would be in tears and crying and screaming in frustration. And Ty-man would be repeating, “But Heather, they got hit by a tornado. That’s pretty selfish.” And then? I’d have to kill him and I’d rename my blog, “Coal Miner’s Jailbait.”

    Yeah, I feel for ya. :sad:

  47. AmyD says:

    My kids leave next week for Hawaii. The little one will still be here.

    I wonder what childless feels like.

    I bet it’s nice sometimes.

  48. Shelli says:

    And I know that we’re lucky everyone is OK and no one wanted this and holy crap how spoiled of a brat can one woman be. I know. I never thought that, not for one little minute. Because I totally get this.

    This post made me think, though, doesn’t it really suck when God laughs at our plans?

  49. sandra says:

    Sounds reasonable to me — it’s kind of like my theory that all couples should vacation separately, occasionally — having space from the people you love isn’t a bad thing.

  50. Sybil Law says:

    I SO know how you feel. Except, I get to drop my kid off again at her grandparents’ house, and that makes me so happy!
    Don’t hate me!
    ‘Cause I really wish you could’ve missed your kids. Every mom deserves that kind of break. I would watch them, but I am too far away!
    Make Adam take them overnight.
    Wait – did I just say that?!
    I hope you can finagle some time apart from them!!

  51. HoosierGirl says:

    Sounds like a cleansing, if you choose it. But he’s an idiot.

    It’s the teenagers and my car I’m really worried about!


  52. diva65 says:

    My daughter is 11. She wasn’t allowed to sleep anywhere but home. Then a program called Nature’s Classroom rolled around at school.5 days away from home. I was in such a panic. I needed to have my wisaom teeth removed so I planned the surgery for the morning she left. This way the pain meds would keep me out of it while she was gone. Fast forward 2 years and I beg people to take her for nights and weekends. (not really but I do enjoy those moments when she gets invited). So my trophy is right next to yours.

  53. I believe in you. You WOULD have missed them. At least, like, once a week. Maybe. It could just be the beer talking.

  54. Sodapop says:

    ROFLMAO I laughed so hard while reading this post. I’m sorry Mother Nature decided to take a shit on you.

  55. Amy@UWM says:

    Oh. TOTAL bummer. SO sorry for you.

    You should get another trophy for not off-ing your kids or yourself after that letdown.

    Hang in there.

  56. Miss Britt says:

    Angel: you have highlighted EXACTLY why I can never run for office.

    maman: I think Mother Nature needs an intervention. Bad.

    Bonnie B.: soooo… it wasn’t over the line to have the grandkids call and whine a little about missing everyone? Heh.

    Poppy: Of course!

    Turnbaby: :evil:

    CMG: so what you’re saying is… I can count on your for bail money.

    AmyD: Mexico…. $238 one way ticket to the Dominican… :secret:

    Shelli: it really does.

    sandra: yeah, that’s one of the reasons BrittCon in NYC will be husband free.

    Well, that and his shitty work schedule. Oh. And that little bit about me no longer having child care for that weekend.

    Sybil Law: I AM getting to go to NYC in a few weeks. So there’s that.

    Fantastagirl: well said.

    HoosierGirl: yeahhhh, that would make me a little nervous.

    diva65: we’re going to need a bigger shelf.

    Captain Steve: at LEAST once a week. I’m thinking Wednesdays would have been rough.

    Sodapop: me too! :lol:

    Amy@UWM: well, the jury is still out on that one.

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