An Invitation

Monday, May 12th, 2008

I’m not leaving my husband.

stir of echoes the homecoming divx movie online I feel like I need to make that clear after Friday’s post.

And while I’m clearing things up…

This blog is a miraculous place for me. When my head is tangled up – in a big way or a small, temporary way – I can come to this space and sort it out. Anymore, I have to come to this space to get things straight. It’s the one fool proof way I’ve found to get out of my head and off of the mental merry-go-round I so easily find myself lost in. My attempts to make things clear for you inevitably makes life more understandable for me.

The clarity starts in the writing. It continues for me as I read the comments and the emails. Whether you’re way off base on where my head is really at, or exactly on target with your suggestions and advice – seeing my thoughts through your perspective always helps me to better define my own.

I’m trying desperately to explain to you that Friday’s post was not intended to be a Dear John letter to My Life. It was, however, just what I needed to regain my balance. It confirmed for me what I value you, who I am, and how I need to live my life.

First of all – I am hugely grateful for my family. As difficult as being a mother and wife can be sometimes… as much as I want to shake the shit out of my husband some days… as fun as it is to fantasize about having no responsibilities… I wouldn’t be who I am without Jared, Devin and Emma. I love who I am because of them. And more than that, I am amazed at who they are. Even Jared. :-)

It is because of my love for them that I absolutely refuse to “wait until the kids grow up”. I don’t want to put my life on hold until my children grow up and move away. That’s not fair to them, or me. They are my life, right here – right now. They are not a temporary setback or a sentence to endure. I’m afraid that if I accept that mindset that I will miss out on what is wonderful about these years because I am waiting for them to pass by.

I needed to be reminded of that.

I also needed to remember that I am in charge of my happiness. Not the kids. And not even Jared. Friday’s post wasn’t meant to be a condemnation of him, but I noticed that it came off that way to at least a few people. I’m lucky that Jared remains wildly supportive of me. He may not notice when I’m falling apart or be able to “fix it” when I’m flailing about for answers. But he always allows me the space I need to figure it out on my own. And he believes in my ability to do so.

I hope I can learn to return the favor.

And one final thing that I think needs to be clarified: I don’t believe in “sucking it up”. My mom has always told me that we were given the desires of our heart for a reason – and not to be tortured with longing and resentment. I know the difference between the stress and bad days that comes from Real Life – and the restlessness in your soul that refuses to be ignored. I know the difference between creating your life and letting it happen to you, resigning yourself to the idea that it’s “just how things are”.

Wanting more is not the result of a bad attitude. It’s a reminder to get off your ass and make your life happen for you.

Anyway. I tell you all that to tell you this:

I am going to New York City at the end of June. My kids will be visiting their grandparents and I can get there from here at a pretty reasonable price. I’ve always wanted to go, and so I’m going to. It sounds so simple now and I can’t believe how long it took me to figure that out.

It’s not another “carrot”. It’s not a temporary escape from Real Life. But it absolutely is an integral part of me being true to who I am and consciously living my life the way I need to.

And you? Are all invited.

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  1. avitable says:

    Woohoo! Party in Britt’s pants!

  2. Dave2 says:

    Airfare is cheap to NYC… it’s the hotels, taxis, and everything else that kills you financially.

  3. martymankins says:

    Dave2 is correct (isn’t he always?). Even with fuel costs, airfare is peanuts compared to a stay in NYC… unless you are willing to camp out at a hotel near JFK and take the E line into the city each day (I’ve done this), be prepared to pay something close to a house payment per night for lodging.

    If you know the subways well, you can spend $25 for a weekly unlimited MTA pass.

    Given that, I’m still not going, regardless how bad I would like to go. Getting married in Lake Tahoe the weekend before.

  4. Looks like I missed a few things around here and have some reading to catch up on.

    I’m glad you have this space to work through things. That’s what it should be for. More power to you Britt.

  5. Poppy says:

    I’ll be there, with Dawg, to help in the BrittCon celebration. :rock: :heartbeat:

    Answer my email so we can help you plan. We’re more than happy to help (meaning I relay information that Dawg tells me because I don’t know my way around yet ;).

  6. Hilly says:

    I’ll be there, booze in hand.

  7. Winter says:

    I’d like think I could go, but it’s prolly better if I save for the next TC instead of shooting my wad on a pricey NYC trip. I sent Motley there 3 years ago on a school trip and my wallet is still scarred. They stayed in New Jersey and she still paid a fortune for everything. When her feet got wet in Times Square, it cost her $13 for a pair of socks so she didn’t have to spend the rest of the day with wet feet.

    Besides, I’ve been there. My mom bought me a pair of black patent leather boots in Saks. Mom rocked.

  8. Selma says:

    Well, I’d certainly like to come because I’d love to see you and my cousin lives in New York but I have a mortal fear of flying. I am a basket case when I fly. And it’s a long flight from Sydney to New York. :wha:

    I know you use the blog to clear your head – I think many of us do. So glad you’ve got things figured out. Good on ya, mate!

  9. Zanthera says:

    I might be ble to drive but it would kill me financially to be spending time there. It’s why we (friend and I) opted for a weekend in Albany instead.

  10. greeneyezz says:

    “It is because of my love for them that I absolutely refuse to “wait until the kids grow up”. I don’t want to put my life on hold until my children grow up and move away. That’s not fair to them, or me.
    :)

    ~ZZ

  11. Sodapop says:

    I love New York City. I took my first trip there in 2004 in July/August for some Yankees games. And then I went back in December of that same year. I’m ready to go again and if I could afford it, I would go.

    I read your post from Friday and it didn’t sound like a “Dear John” letter to me, nor did it sound out of the ordinary or bad. It sounded like a young woman who wants to experience life instead of watching it pass her by. Nothing wrong with that.

    Have a GREAT time in NYC. Battery Park is fun to walk through, lots of street vendors. Oh, and pigeons too LOL

  12. RW says:

    Well THAT will be fun. Outside of Chicago New Yok is my favorite place even though I’ve only been there three times – one as a kid and two on business so I really couldn’t do anything too fun.

    My fantasy NY trip would include one very expensive thing and one easy thing – and the easy thing is on my “bucket list.”

    The expensive thing would be to stay at the Algonquin which is where Dorothy Parker’s Roundtable held court. It is completely renovated now. I know – $$$

    The inexpensive thing from my “do before I die” list is to make a trip to Papaya King.

    You’ll love NY cuz, like, the Bronx is up and the Battery’s down.

  13. DUDE!

    My office is 1 block from the Empire State Building!

    The thing to do in New York is: walk the fuck AROUND. Just the energy of this place will completely rewire your brain. Seriously.

    (Now I have to read backwards to see what the rest of this post was about. Man, I miss a lot.)

  14. Mr. Fabulous says:

    You will LOVE NYC. The city is so ALIVE. It’s made of 24k AWESOME.

  15. greeneyezz says:

    Britt – Actually, my *smile* above was in regards to your what you were able to Take from the ‘Terrified’ comments and our emails, but I forgot to comment on the the fact you are going to NYC!

    Yes, you will love it. Bring comfortable walking shoes, you’ll need it. Though I’m from Upstate New York, I’ve been there several times. I had a blast being in China Town shopping and looking at some good quality ‘knock offs’ that could only be viewed from…behind hidden rooms with hidden doors! I loved the ‘covertness’ of it all!
    There’s sooo much to do there. So much to do.

    ~ZZ

  16. color me in!

    i love how you use this blog to work through things. friday’s post didn’t seem to me that you were walking from your life, but it certainly came across that you were asking for help sorting through completely natural thoughts. i’m so proud of you for appreciating your grass, brown spots and all.

  17. Turnbaby says:

    Well sugar now I don’t feel compelled to comment on Friday’s post because you’ve gotten around to what I would have said.

    I didn’t in any way think you were ‘leaving’ your family. I saw it as a natural expression of a person who wants more–I know how that feels.

    New York is just amazing. I have a friend who goes regularly and always gets good deals on rooms. I’ll check with her for a recommendation.

    I’m so happy that you get to do this and that Jared supports you in it. That’s a very good trait in a husband.

  18. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: :wtf: :crazy:

    Dave2: well, I’m accepting that this won’t be the trip where I do everything you could possibly do in NYC. But that’s OK.

    martymankins: I’d be willing to do that. I love Subways, actually.

    Sleeping mommy: thanks. :D

    Poppy: email sent – finally.

    Hilly: lush. :-P

    Winter: bring extra socks. Got it.

    Selma: how long of a flight IS that?

    Zanthera: I can understand that.

    Sodapop: I’m going to have to make a list of all the “must see” things.

    RW: a free bucket list thing. Do tell me more. What is Papaya King?

    Rich: I am expecting tips from you.

    And fucking COFFEE. I will be IN New York City for Pete’s sake!!!

    Mr. Fabulous: thanks for the encouragement babe.

    greeneyezz: oh that sounds so cool. I think I need to start a list.

    Wait. Comfortable walking shoes? Like… kitten heels instead of stilettos?

    hello haha narf: brown spots. Heh. That’s funny because our grass is literally dying off by the moment around here. Fires. Etc. etc. etc.

    OK. It’s funny to ME.

  19. Miss Britt says:

    Turnbaby: yes! yes! recommendations PLEASE!!!

    Man. I would have liked to seen your unbiased take on Friday’s post…

  20. Sodapop says:

    Oh and I also did the Empire State Building, Times Square (which is just overwhelmingly awesome!)

    I also walked through parts of the Upper East Side and walked through Central Park.

    Also….you MUST take the subway. Just don’t take the 3 all the way to the end at Lexington and 143rd. That’s Spanish Harlem. I got lost there on the subway. LOL

  21. whall says:

    I’m trying to comment because of your Twitter plea.

  22. Nat says:

    Woohoo NYC!!!
    I love these little trips away without the child to hand with friends.It’ll rock. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry it will be better than cats.

    (And I so totally get where that previous post was coming from, I’ve been there many times. )

  23. RW says:

    Um… there’s a link. :slaphead:

  24. Turnbaby says:

    mmmmmkay

    here or email?

  25. You hit the nail on the head. At my age, I have known way too many people who lived for “Someday….” and someday never came. They weren’t alive or some other crisis happened and they never got to do the things they had always dreamed about.

    Tom and I once took a trip to London on 3 weeks notice. We didn’t even have passports, yet! But it was one of our BEST memories.

    Check out this blog http://millefiorifavoriti.blogspot.com/
    She and her husband did a walking tour of NYC and she has GREAT pictures and commentary on what they saw. Go all the way beack to her April archives, that’s where she started the posts.

  26. Thanks for this letter to my heart.

  27. Britt's Mom says:

    Peanut, I think the experience you’re looking for doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. You MUST go to Central Park (just not the bathrooms). And at least stand outside on Fifth Avenue and LOOK UP at the Taj Majal of children’s stores which is FAO Schwartz. And grab a hot dog with the works from a sidewalk vendor. Yes, Times Square is something to see and there are little Chinese restaurants around there that are short on decor and loooonnnnnggggg on amazing food.

    Next year, when I have some vacation time built up, I am SO THERE with ya, darling!

    In fact, on my to-do list is to go to Montreal with you. Paris on this side of the Atlantic. You’ll love it!

  28. I AM THERE!! I might even be bringing Misk, but I am trying not to! LOL

    I stay in a hostel (not Hotel), which usually average about $30 a night. They aren’t top notch, and are usually dormitory style, but if you are interested, we could book together and share 1/2 of the 4 person ladies dorm! Besides, all you do there is sleep, because NYC is ALIVE and you don’t want to miss any of it!! Email if you want more info on hostels!

    Poppy and Dawg – can’t wait to meet you! :clap:

  29. Finn says:

    I very much want to go as NYC is my favorite place in the world, my heart’s true home, but I’m not sure the $$ will allow. But I’m going to try…

    I’d sure love to share it with you!

  30. DutchBitch says:

    Wooo Fucking Hoo!!! Good for you, babe! See! YOU are making it happen already! I am so happy for you that you get to go!!! :rock:

  31. NYCWD says:

    It’s gonna be a rockin’ good time!!! :rock: :rock: :rock:

  32. Jennifer says:

    Yea!!!! Britt I’m in Connecticut and I would be more than happy to be your guide if you would like. I’m a former NYC tourguide so I’m more than qualified! At the very least I would be happy to arrange tours of Radio City and Madison Square Garden for you…for free!!! See what happens when you make people smile it comes back to you.Let me know if I can be of service. Jenn

  33. Ohh Jennifer!! How many of us can you get in for free? LOL I’ll be there too :)

  34. Dawn says:

    Britt and Britt’s Mom — re: your trip to Montreal…

    Although I’ve lived in Connecticut for the past three years, I’m a born and bred Montreal girl. I lived in Montreal for the first 40 years of my life and it will always be my home. It’s a fabulous city — a mix of NYC and Paris — so when you’re ready for your “things to do in Montreal” (and they’re mostly food-related) list, I’m your girl.

  35. Jennifer says:

    I’ll hook you up Cissa. I’m trying to get DH to agree to watching the babymonster so I can join you ladies and have a nc17 good time :secret:

  36. DCup says:

    That sounds like a brilliant plan!

  37. Poppy says:

    Britt, you should totally advertise BrittCon as an NC-17 event. :angel:

  38. Shelli says:

    I totally wish I could. That is one of the things on my must do before I die sort of things. I just can’t afford it after TC. Someday, Britt, someday.

    As for clarity, I hope you didn’t think that I meant that I don’t enjoy my children immensely. I do. I just sometimes miss the time that Jason and I could have had as a single or married couple without children. As does Jason. We address that by getting away by ourselves for a weekend. Or having them stay at their grandparents for a weekend or a night. And therefore we value and appreciate those times all that much more.

  39. Jennifer says:

    Lol it might garner a x rating if the guy who was wagging his pee-pee around was coming(ha!)

  40. hehe…..Oh Jen & Poppy….The Idea’s you give lil ole me….

    MUAHAHA!! I am off to make a lovely little Graphic in Honor of BRITTCON!!!!

  41. Maria says:

    You will love it. I’m not just saying that because it is my hometown. :clap:

    If you can, try to get to the Bronx Zoo, NY Botanical Garden, and Wave Hill. Walks through the Bowery, Lower Manhattan, the Village, and Central Park. If you are looking for good, cheap eats, follow the locals.

  42. Maria says:

    Sorry, I forgot one. Walk through Harlem and Times Square too if you have time.

    A ride on the subway is a must too.

  43. tori says:

    I totally get this. I didn’t read it as any kind of Dear John letter, but I think that is because I get where you are coming from because sometimes I feel there too.

    I went and got my eyebrows waxed and got a haircut after reading your last post and realizing I needed “something”. That was all I had time for in the moment, so I did that, with the thought of figuring out what I need next. I get you here, I really do and I am so happy to have found your blog!

  44. NYC in summer is fabulous. You may have just tempted me to join you.

  45. So Miss Britt, two ghetto style raphics are on my blog for you …enjoy!

  46. greeneyezz says:

    “Wait. Comfortable walking shoes? Like… kitten heels instead of stilettos?”

    Ohhh, you wanna *bring* a pair of Hot Stilettos, no doubt! Don’t forget about the night life. It’s kinda like Vegas…The city that doesn’t sleep! *Think Sex & The City*
    :)

    ~StilettoZZ

  47. Summer says:

    You will love NYC. It is so vibrant and alive. My son is moving there in July for a nursing job. A great little hotel is Hotel Metro, about a block from the Empire State Building and Macy’s. Walk down 5th Ave and see Prada, Tiffiny’s and all the great designer stores. Then go to Battery Park and get a knock off Prada. There is so much to do there!

  48. ~jtm says:

    How cool! You will love it. We are going to be there that weekend seeing Eddie Izzard (love him!) Friday night…on Saturday we’ll be visiting the Guggenheim and the Museum of Natural History… and other stuff if we have time/money.

  49. Miss Britt says:

    Sodapop: I LOVE Subways. It’s weird. I know.

    whall: heh. Thanks.

    Nat: I am so stoked.

    RW: ah yes, so there is.

    Turnbaby: either or.

    Little Miss Sunshine State: OMG – tons of info!! Thank you!!

    maggie: any time, love. Any time.

    Britt’s Mom: we’re going to need passports…

    Cissa Fireheart: OMG woman my email was FLOODED after your comment.

    I am told I cannot do hostels. LOL

    Finn: oh I so, so, so hope it will work out for you.

    FYI – flights are about $250 total and I got a hotel for $175/night – which I’m splitting four ways. You can probably get it cheaper if you don’t stay in Manhattan.

    DutchBitch: aw, thanks babe.

    NYCWD: I’m expecting first rate tour guidance. Please start scoping out karaoke bars now.

    Jennifer: so which place is a better tour?

    Dawn: oh how awesome – thanks!

    DCup: we must have drinks, of course.

    Poppy: but.. I am.. so G RATED!!!

    Shelli: I didn’t think that at all babe.

    Jennifer: that guy? Is probably sharing a hotel room with me. LOL

    Maria: we’re looking for good cheap everything. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.

    tori: oh I’m so glad to hear you went and did something just for YOU.

    Black Belt Mama: we would so LOVE to have you there with us.

    greeneyezz: now I have to buy a new pair.

    Summer: do they sell knock off shoes too?

    ~jtm: I’m not sure yet what we’ll be doing. But I’m sure it will be a blast.

  50. Poppy says:

    And I’m a virgin.

  51. Oh, man. I read this earlier today and got your e-mail. I want to go with you so badly. So very badly. Ty-man and I are going to Antigua in 11 days for our anniversary. Thank God for that. And I have enough Skymiles to fly to NYC and back 10 times. But.

    Ty-man is also good with the guilt trip and leaving the kids a third time in three months? It’s just easier for me to stay.

    I’m not brave like you. Thank you for the invite. It means so much to me, more than you’ll ever know and I hope to join you on the next Britt-NYC foray. For now, I have to decline.

    Love, Me

  52. Jennifer says:

    Hey Britt,

    I would go with Radio City. You will enjoy the tour and you get to meet a Rockette.What more could you ask for?

  53. Karen MEG says:

    NYC. LOVE. IT.

    You need to get to the Top of the Rock, gorg views of the city. You will have FUN!!!

    We’ve been thinking about going again sometime this year, probably with the kids, so a bit of a different trip. I so need a girls weekend there at some point though, martinis without the guilt. soon, hopefully!

  54. Kristin says:

    Hmmmmmmm…………that is just a few days after my birthday and I think it’s been a few zillion years since we celebrated together…..the steam is rolling! WATCH OUT NYC…..here we come!

  55. anne says:

    First of all, you will LOVE New York. I am excited for you. There’s this palpable buzz about the city that’s just hard to describe, and it is also one of the few places in the world where I can do several highly cultural things (catch a show at the Met, go to the Met museum, crash in at Carnegie Hall, etc) for prices cheaper than seeing a movie. And the food! Oh my lord, the food! I’m jealous.

    Secondly… I think I know where you’re coming from. I love my husband more than life itself, but when I heard recently that one of my singer friends picked up and moved (from NYC, no less) to Madrid, not knowing a soul there and just going on pure adrenaline, well… I was wildly jealous. Jealous of the freedom and the big-ass balls she has. I have ALWAYS wanted to live abroad. But I think we can incorporate those dreams into the life we already have – I’m working on the “how”, but I know it can be done.

    I’m rooting for you. Ditch I-4 for the Big Apple for a spell, and then let us all know how wonderful it feels :cheese:

  56. Maria says:

    Okay, if you are looking for expensive, then:
    Central Park
    NY Botanical Garden – the free part will be in glorious bloom
    Greenwich Village
    Harlem – daytime, please
    Times Square

  57. Finn says:

    Not stay in Manhattan?! The hell you say!

  58. Karl says:

    I’m so there. Can’t wait!

  59. I would love to join you as well. I love NY (since I am a NY’er) and love wandering around aimlessly.

  60. Yeah – I am leaving 2 comments – that’s how I roll – Let me know if you need anything – my bro and sil live on 8th – right down the street from Penn Station.

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