This may come as a surprise, but apparently there is more to Philadelphia than traffic and booze.
In fact, Philadelphia is kind of a big deal in the grand scheme of things where things = American History. At least, that’s what everyone keeps telling me. I decided I had to spend Saturday nursing a hangover exploring all of the historic crap that Philadelphia had to offer with a few members of my sweet, sweet posse.
Come, let’s see Philly together.
One of the absolute must see attractions in Philadelphia, and our first stop, is Independence Hall (formerly known as the Pennsylvania State Hall). This is often referred to as The Birthplace of The United States, because it is here that the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were both drafted. It is also pictured on the back of every one hundred dollar bill.
I was very excited to see the real thing and get plenty of pictures to bring back home. Like this one:
On a completely separate note: the National Park Rangers in Philly are dicks.
Whatever. Who needs the stupid old Independence Hall anyway. There is lots of historic crap to see in Philly!
After about 5 more minutes of assigning great historical importance to random buildings, we decided fuck this shit, we need to hitch a ride. Thank God Hilly and Becky were able to flag us down a ride and a tour guide.
Thanks to the tour guide, we were able to learn all sorts of real and true Philly facts during our carriage ride. For example:
Whew. We learned a lot in 30 minutes!
Next stop: Liberty Bell! Because you just can’t go to Philadelphia and not see the Liberty Bell. Hell, you can’t hardly call yourself an American if you don’t make it a point to see the Liberty Bell at some point in your life. It’s all about Liberty – it says so right in the name “Liberty Bell”.
Are you getting bored yet? Are you still reading? There’s going to be a quiz you know. Seriously.
ANYway, after taking the time to fully appreciate all that is The Liberty Bell, we set off to find the really cool stuff. Namely, dead people. Thank God the cemetery we wanted to see wasn’t very far away. We only had to walk 5 blocks North, 2 blocks East, 4 blocks south and 3 blocks west.
Ben Franklin is buried in the cemetery behind Christ’s Church. And do you know who else is buried there? A few signers of the Declaration of Independence, the “father of psychiatry”, the man who was the Christ’s Church organist for 41 years…
OK, I’m sorry. Downer. But that picture is so cool. In fact, I think I took more pictures in that cemetery than I did the entire rest of the weekend. I also think I laughed harder in that cemetery than I have ever laughed in my entire life. And also? I am probably going to hell now.
After Karl got dressed, we made our way to the next must see attraction in Philadelphia: The Free Quaker House. What, you may ask, is a Free Quaker?
In my book, what all that says is “cool as shit”. I have a soft spot for rebels and idealists. I officially love Free Quakers.
At least Mr. I’m A Big Fat Phony Quaker was able to recommend a good cheese steak joint for us.
Well, everyone else said it was good. Me? Apparently I’m not made for Philly or Cheese Whiz.