You all doubted me, didn’t you?

There’s no sense in denying it, I know it’s true. You read my very well thought out proposal to the marketing gurus and you scoffed. You laughed! You called me a whore!

Well, well, well. Whose the whore now my pretties?

I am. HA! That’s right. I am officially being courted.

I’ll let you wallow in your envy for a moment before we get dirty with the details…

It wasn’t but 12 hours after I hit publish on my Marketing Manifesto that I received my first email. “Campaigns Awaiting Your Review”. The floodgates were trembling. I could feel it.

I opened the email and found that I needed to click on a few links to find out more. Apparently, there were quite a few companies that were suddenly clamoring for my attention. Pick me! Pick me! They were desperate for me to notice them.

I kept my cool, of course, as I’m certain that’s what we Influential Bloggers are supposed to do in these situations. I scanned the list of possible opportunities as if I spent every day deciding who would be allowed to woo me next. I may have even turned my nose up a little as I did it, just for effect.

And then I saw it. The company that I was destined to partner with. The marketing relationship that was absolutely PERFECT for me. The organization that I could sense was most in tune with my needs and my power in the market place.

Private Charter Flights.

Bitches, I was made for Private Air Transportation. Clearly, the good folks at New Flight Charters sensed that I was above flying coach with the commoners. They knew, as I have always known, that I deserve to be jetting around the country in my own jet, with my own private flight attendant, sipping orange juice and champagne from my very own not plastic glass.

I called the 800 number they gave me immediately.

Well, OK. Not immediately. First I called my mom and informed her that I was going to “drop by” for dinner next Sunday. Next I called my in-laws and asked if they’d be free for dinner tomorrow night because I thought “the kids and I might pop over for a couple of hours, if schedules allow.” Then I called my girlfriends from that small town in Iowa that I have so clearly outgrowwwn and asked them if they’d be up for a girl’s night out Saturday. In Vegas. And finally, I made an appointment with that other PR firm and told them I’d be by Friday at 4:30 to tell them to “suck it, suckahhhhs!” in person.

But then, I immediately called the 800 number I was given.

I quickly explained I was a very important person and was calling to schedule my flights for the week. I was put on hold – probably so that my call could be transferred up the ladder to be handled by an appropriately important person on the other line.

While on hold (it seems transferring up the ladder so far takes a while), I took some time to peruse the web site I had been given. Oh my God! President Clinton used these flights! I mean.. ahem… interesting, Bill and I will be sharing pilots again. I hope he cleans up better this time. Such a squirrely fellow, Ol’ Bill.

I checked out the pricing, remembering that I had to stay under the $40 mark if I was going to keep my blogher ads up during my travels. By my calculations, I estimated the cost of a flight from Orlando to BFE Iowa would only cost the average person roughly $9,000 or so. Hm. BlogHer and I might have to talk. I mean, clearly I am not average.

A voice that sounded eerily like the original receptionist came back on the line.

“I’m sorry, who did you say you were again?”

“This is Britt. Oh,” I chuckled, releasing the awkward position I’d just put us both in with my oversight, “I’m sorry – you probably know me as Miss Britt.”

“I see. Um. Yes, of course. Miss. And you have an account with us you say?”

“Miss Britt. Yes. Yes, I do. I accepted your invitation just this morning.”

At this point I went over my notes with her and gave her very detailed instructions on what plane I would need, my departure dates and times, landing sites, preferred brand of water with no fuzz, and my need for extra blankets.

I’ll be honest. I’m not entirely sure she was listening as closely as she should have been. I mean, this could be a marketing win or a PR nightmare for her employers! Then I remembered that often times high end reviewers are sent in “undercover”, so to speak, so that you can get a feel for the real experience. Like a Secret Shopper. For jets. That’s probably what was going on.

ANYway, I completed my list and she asked for my credit card number.

Technically, what she said was “you can go ahead with your card number whenever you’re ready.” But I knew what she meant.

At this point, I freaked out.

The email I received hadn’t said anything about pretending to pay for the service. I hadn’t really been prepared to layout my credit card number for this review. But maybe this is just how things are “done” when you’re a big time blogger. I didn’t want to betray the fact that I was totally clueless and a PR Virgin. Big time bloggers always know what is going on. I’m sure of it.

I decided that the only thing that made sense was that I was, in fact, supposed to carry on just like a regular customer, enjoy the service, and I wouldn’t actually be charged anything. Obviously. Or I would be reimbursed long before I ever received a statement. I mean, worse case scenario.

I rattled off the numbers on my debit card and pretended not to be rattled when she quoted me the total for the 3 hour flight, which was substantially more than I have made all year. Oh, no. No problem. I do this kind of thing all the time.

“Miss, I’m sorry, that card has been declined. Are you sure…”

“Miss Britt. Thank you. Sorry about that. Must have grabbed the wrong one. Just a moment.”

And again, I started to freak out.

Obviously we were going the charge and reimburse route here. To keep things real, no doubt. Unfortunately, I do not actually have any real credit cards. But I can’t possibly explain that to them now. I’m sure Big Bloggers have credit cards.

My mind raced. And then… light bulb.

I heard my boss excuse himself to the bathroom. The other bathroom, where I knew he’d be a while. I put the nice (if not completely oblivious) woman on hold while I “ran to pick up the phone in the study” and slipped into my boss’s office. Fortunately, his pants were on the floor as usual. It took me about 2 seconds to find his wallet and the Fancy Colored Business Account American Express Card it contained.

I “picked up the phone in the study” and completed the transaction.

“Thank you Miss Britt, we’ll see you at noon on Friday.”

I can’t WAIT to tell you all how my first assignment for the corporate mucky mucks goes! Stay tuned!