In Defense of Sex Offenders

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008

I’m thinking of dropping out of my Mommy group because of their reaction to sex offenders.

I received an email via the group’s mailing list last week containing a link to a “new” tracking system for sex offenders living in the State of Florida. Basically, you go to the web page, type in your address, and panic ensues as you count up all the “perverts” who live within a 15 mile radius of you.

The email responses started immediately.

“OMG, there is one on my street!”

The hysteria was hard to miss as many of these women imagined rapists and child molesters prowling the playgrounds in their neighborhoods.

In an effort to calm what I considered unnecessary panic, I responded to the group and assured them that “not everyone listed on the sex offender registry is a baby raper. People have to register as a sex offender if they get caught peeing outside for Pete’s sake.” I encouraged them to do some digging before they egged the neighbor’s house.

I didn’t receive a single response to my email. Instead, I watched as emails littered with fear and lynching flew back and forth across the Internet.

“They should all be stuck on an island somewhere!”

“I can’t believe my neighbor! The world isn’t safe!”

“Screw the island, they should all be castrated!”

The last one I read warned that this was exactly why “you can’t ever let your kids out of your sight”.

*sigh* I shook my head and closed the thread in my inbox. I was frustrated that no one seemed interested in a voice of reason. I was disheartened to see how easy it was for the mob mentality to set in. I imagined rallies and marches complete with pitch forks and torches. And baby strollers.

And something about that didn’t sit well with me.

It’s not that I’m pro sex offender.

God knows, I would kill any son of a bitch who ever laid a hand on my child. The innocence of children should be protected, and the idea that anyone would violate that makes me want to puke. Ugh. I get nauseous just writing those words.

But…

I’m informed enough to know that the sex offender registry is not an accurate list of people who would do harm to your children. In fact, it’s so woefully inaccurate that it’s useless.

I know that because of the way laws are written, a person who is given a ticket at 21 for stopping to urinate on the sidewalk on their walk home from the bars… may be registered as a sex offender.

A 17 year old boy who has sex with his 14 year old girlfriend and is discovered by his girlfriend’s pissed off father… is registered as a sex offender. For life. Even if he grows up and marries that girl and has children with them.

A girl who had oral sex at 15 with a 17 year old is required to register as a sex offender… and 11 years later can be evicted from her home because she’s too close to a day care center.

And these people are shunned from society for the rest of their lives. They have difficulty finding jobs and it’s becoming increasingly impossible for them to find places to live. And for what? Because they are painted with the same brush as someone who willfully molests a child?

That’s ludicrous. And it’s not fair. It’s not right. It’s not OK to run around slandering people who are only guilty of committing actions that damn near all of us have done ourselves.

Furthermore, I refuse to live in fear.

I can’t stand fear mongering. I hate the entire Fear Of The Big Bad World mentality. That kind of thinking is not only limiting, but dangerous. It is the mentality that leads to witch hunts and concentration camps and unclassified wars.

I understand that there are things and people out there who could harm me and/or my children. Of course, I do. I’m not a naive Pollyanna.

But I also believe, I know, that there is a great big wonderful world out there that you will completely miss if you are constantly on the look out for the boogie man.

There is a balance between tip toeing blindly through the tulips and hiding out in a bunker because OMG THERE ARE SICKOS OUT THERE! There are precautions you can take. There is value in being aware of your surroundings.

And, most importantly, there is value in educating yourself. The only real way to protect yourself from the dangers that may lurk is to be informed, so that you can take appropriate precautions. And then, you know what? Shit can still happen.

It’s scary to think that no matter what we do, we can still have bad things happen to us. Or worse, to our children. But it’s wishful thinking at best to imagine that we can fully eliminate all of the Bad in life by becoming vigilantes.

I can’t live in fear. I can’t nod my head over punch and pretend that I agree with the idea that our kids have to be sheltered from the Big Bad World. I can’t allow a virtual List of Perverts to easily make my decisions for me about who should be feared and who can be trusted.

And I can’t in good conscience sweep a bunch of relatively innocent people under the same rug as vile, predatory criminals. Or sit around a park with a smile on my face, acting like I’m OK with it.

  1. avitable says:

    I typed my address into that sex offender finder to see if there were any living around here, and all it said was “Look in a mirror”.

  2. Karl says:

    Yeah, I just saw a special on this on Dateline or some other magazine show. Amazing how many people are on the list that don’t belong there.

    Karl’s last blog post..Lots of Stuff to Mention

  3. My husband and I have talked about this too. It’s shocking what can get you listed as a sex offender. I think it’s been taken WAY too far. But at the same time, we look at those websites to see how close they are too.

    We talk about how things are so different from when we were kids and we could run around the neighborhood at the age of 3 and 4 years old. Our kids? Not allowed outside without us. Well…at least the 3 and 5 year old. We trust our 6.5 year old will stay close to the house and knows not to leave the yard and to come in if someone approaches him.

    It’s a scarey world. We have to find a balance because we can’t shelter our children from everything. It’s not fair to them–how will they grow in any real way?

    Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..I love a treasure hunt

  4. Jay says:

    Prosecutor’s use the sex offender registry as a weapon against people. Mostly young people. The prosecutor gets them to agree to register as a sex offender for some really minor offense and they won’t have to go to jail. They think they’re getting a good deal, but they don’t realize that the prosecution probably has no evidence or it was obtained illegally so they’re just getting screwed. Happens all the time.

    Jay’s last blog post..An Embarrassment of Riches …

  5. Traci (Mommy's Group says:

    Ok I have to comment on this. Britt we never received the email you said you sent. I never got an email from you and I just looked in the mailing list archives and it doesn’t show that you replied back. Something must of happened because it never went through to us. Just wanted to clear that up in our defense. This isn’t a safe world we live in and I do believe that you really need to watch your kids because you never know who you can trust. You laugh at me for locking my doors but before you moved here there was some sicko in Deltona who shot a crap load of his so called friends over some video game console. I choose not to watch the news because there is too much bad shit going on around us and personally I’d rather not know otherwise I’d be paranoid and never want to leave the house. Ok thats my two cents lol.

  6. Honeybell says:

    Not only can “un-sexoffenderish” behavior get you on the list, but those are only the ones who got caught. My neighborhood isn’t Mayberry Lane simply because no one on my street has been busted. People are still looking behind bushes and in dark alleys for the nasty guy in the overcoat. Sadly, 9 times out of 10 the person that hurts kids is someone the parent knows and trusts.

    You are so right. You do what you can, teach your children what’s right and what’s not. Then live your life. I’m sorry you might lose your mommy group over it, but I think its understandable to drop it if that’s what you choose to do.

    Honeybell’s last blog post..Celebrities Who Could Be My Baby Daddy

  7. Erin says:

    The Sex Offender Registry is totally the new No Fly List.

    And other snarky comments so numerous I might just have to write my own blog post so as not to take up all the space in your comments!

    Erin’s last blog post..Wednesday Bloglets

  8. TSM says:

    I totally heart you.

    I have recently found myself in the midst of that type of fear mongering, wondering how a free-thinking individual such as myself ended up in a group of lemmings, ready to get their torches and pitchforks and chase down Timmy Johnson on the corner because his 14 yr old girlfriend blew him last year and daddy found out. Let’s just say that my opinion is even less popular than yours.

    I am ridiculously pleased that I found your blog. Fan for life…TSM

  9. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: man, I didn’t see THAT response coming!

    Karl: yeah, crazy. And makes it so you can’t trust the info at all. Not to mention what it does to those people who don’t belong on there.

    Sleeping Mommy: oh, I looked too. And I pulled up the faces of anyone in my area. And I read the notes as best I could and made a mental note to myself to stay aware – you know?

    Jay: that’s just sick.

    Traci (Mommy’s Group): I understand how you feel about it Traci. I don’t think it’s a “safe” world either, and I’m fully aware of the story you’re talking about. But I’m also not going to keep my kids – or myself – on lock down to keep me “safe”. What’s the point of living if it’s like that?

    Honeybell: ohhhh, I’m pretty sure after this post I’m out regardless. LOL

    And, yeah, that’s the other thing – there are people NOT on any list that you have to teach your kids to be aware.

    Erin: that’s a good analogy.

    TSM: glad to have you hear.

    Wanna join a Mommy group with me? :wink:

  10. Miss Britt says:

    HERE! HERE! not “hear”. Shit.

  11. I agree with you on the whole education thing. Our state lists the name, address and picture of the sex offenders here – but it also lists what they were convicted of. So when I see this: 632-A:3,II Felonious Sexual Assault(Victim 13 or older & under 16 & age diff more than 3 years) I KNOW it’s not because he & his gf were caught. I KNOW he’s been up to no good. This one: 632-A:2, I Aggravated Felonious Sexual Assault (Victim under 13 y.o.) – yeah, no good. Pieces of shit – that’s what they are.

    However – a friend of mine.. her husband had to register because he called someone a name in an argument – and she filed a report.

    So I totally get where you are with this. EDUCATION. I know where these guys live – I know what they look like – and so does my son.

    Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..reality check

  12. Britt, this is SUCH a good post. So, good, in fact, that I’m gonna link to it*, because I agree with you 100%.

    (oh, like THAT is such a big deal, that all 7 of my readers will get such a treat. But HEY! My heart is in the right place, right?)

    Miss Ann Thrope, or Someone Else’s last blog post..Not so good at sick, thank you very much…

  13. Kristin says:

    I agree 100%! I personally know of a guy here that is labeled a sex offender for being at a club at 18 and meeting a girl who he ended up having a relationship with. Her ID was her pic and it said she was 18. When her mom found out about him she went straight to the cops because she was really only 17!

    You can’t close yourself off to the outside world because it’s “not safe”. If you are going to go about life like that, you may as well never step foot out of your house!

  14. Terri says:

    Ok… Sorry Britt… but having some involvement with probation and sex offenders in Iowa… you are somewhat misinformed on what puts someone on the registry. First of all just being convicted of that crime does not automatically end you up on the registry!!!! Second of all especially in the case of person’s under the age of 18… if they do any type of treatement it can be recommended that they do not go on the registry.

    In regards to an indecent exposure charge in Iowa… just urinating is not a sex offense you have to arouse another person or have a person state that they were offended by the act.

    In Iowa the age of consent for a sex offense is 14 years of age and for it to be a sex act the person must be a 4 or more years older than the other person. In the case of a 15 year old they must also be 4 or more years difference to be a sex act. At the age of 16 the can consent to sex with anyone.

    Sorry…I Love your blog… but let’s be informed!!!!

  15. avitable says:

    Umm, Terri, Britt lives in Florida. And clearly she was talking about it on a country-wide level, where many states slap sex offender status on many innocuous crimes.

  16. avitable says:

    Oh, and in Iowa, if they meet the requirements to be registered in their home state and then move to Iowa, they’re required to register, as well. Which means that someone who had to register for public urination in another state would be a sex offender in Iowa, too.

  17. Mr. Fabulous says:

    I can’t pee outside anymore? :cry:

    Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Shhhhh…

  18. debkitty says:

    I know you are right. But looking at that list can give you an idea that hey maybe letting my kid play at that house isn’t such a good idea without further investigation. Don’t ya think?

    debkitty’s last blog post..Just Another Day!

  19. sam says:

    Great post Britt, as always.

    Canada’s sex offender list is not publicly available like it is in the states (at least I haven’t found it) and it’s so far gone that it’s practically a joke.

    But I do agree with you that it’s completely unfair to paint all with the same brush. It’s stupid.

    From an outsiders prospective (being Canadian) the US seems to thrive on fear mongering as a way of life – straight from the top down. There is nothing that is safe, everything is evil and you. will. be. harmed. no matter what! It’s really really sad.

    Saying that, it’s really no different here, but it’s a MUCH more laid back mongering and not so in your face.

    I’m just rambling now.

    You did the right thing. I’m glad you took the stance you did!

    sam’s last blog post..When Parenting Breaks Your Heart

  20. turnbaby says:

    LMAO@ Fabby–aparently it’s okay just don’t arouse anybody ;-)

    This is an awesome post Britt.

    And I do have to say one thing–the world was not that much safer ‘back then’

    It’s that we know about more shit happening in more places because it’s splashed 24/7 for all to see

    Trust me—my first look at an aroused cock was being called over to a car from the playground when I was in elementary school. Guess there really is something about those Catholic girl school uniforms cause wow was it aroused.

    I can’t abide fear mongering lazy brained lemming behavior.

    turnbaby’s last blog post..Half Nekkid Thursday Edition No. 3

  21. Britt's Mom says:

    You know, I was thinking about Sam’s comment that the US seems to thrive on fear mongering, from the top down. I give you – the Patriot Act!! Ooooh oooh we don’t want another World Trade Center so let’s spy on anyone, like me, who dares to criticize the application of said Act.

    And about that whole “if anyone reports being offended” by me peeing on the sidewalk?

    I’m pretty sure the homeowner whose tree I leaned against – because that’s how I was taught to pee on the way home from a bar, thank you very much to my old neightbor Karen – would be offended if he/she saw me. Unless they had a sense of humor, in which case they might be “aroused” because, as we all know, funny is hot.

    I would protect my grandkids with my life – but I absolutely hate cubby holing people, and labeling. No label is big enough – we have to use our brains!

    Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Be Yourself, or Take Your Cheap Ass Home

  22. Just Me says:

    Hey, this is a great post and I support it 100%. I would like to give you an example of my life….

    I just moved into my house (again after winning it in the big D) and of course I have two kids….9 and 3. There is a sex offender that lives two houses down from me. Now I have no fear to say what is on my mind. I couldn’t find any info on this guy so I marched me and my two kids to his house. I came right out and told him that his name was on the list blah blah blah and I wanted to know what for. And he said child molestation. HELLO RED FLAG! But then I talked to him…and apparently it was a big deal because he was ACCUSED of it (I read all his court papers)….and they convicted him and now he is a sex offender. But had I not made myself and children aware, I would have not let them down that end of the street.

    Needless to say, as you said…..look into before you go getting all scared.

    I did tell him as well, in a nice friendly manner that if I ever saw him touching my kids, even a handshake…I would hurt him. And he told me I had no problems…cause he saw the red in my eyes…and was a little scared :evil:

  23. Traci (Mommy's Group) says:

    I also don’t want to live in fear so I don’t watch the news. There were only 5 Mom’s that made any kind of comment towards that thread out of 20 something woman so you can’t make us out like we are a bunch of woman that would castrate everyone. A few of the woman in our group are very protective over there children so they will feel a certain way about this subject.

  24. Miss Britt says:

    Dawn: ooh – I should have you look at our law so you can tell me which number means what. I was having a hard time interpreting it myself.

    Miss Ann: I :heartbeat: your link love just as much as anyone else’s!

    Kristin: gosh, that’s crazy. I hate to think how many of my old boyfriends I could have gotten in trouble!

    I mean, you know, MORE trouble.

    Terri: I don’t think someone saying “I’m offended” makes the urination in public thing any more of a “dangerous” offense.

    But I appreciate your input!

    Mr. Fabulous: well, you just can’t arouse anyone by it!

    debkitty: I 150% agree with THAT. I looked at the list. I made mental note of anyone who was close to me. And I damn well want to find out more about what their offenses could be. I do think it’s a good starting tool. I just don’t think it can be taken at face value.

    sam: yeah, it makes me sad to think we’re getting a reputation of being fear mongers.

    turnbaby: yeah, I think people forget bad things happened “back then” – it just didn’t make the news.

    Britt’s Mom: I love you. And I love that you raised us without the liberal use of labels.

    Just Me: wow, good for you!

    Traci (Mommy’s Group): I don’t think there is anyone on this planet more protective of their children than I am.

    I like to think most mothers are protective of their kids.

    We just go about it differently.

  25. This Mom says:

    Britt – this is a touchy subject for a lot of people. I, of course, DO live in Iowa, and I’ve looked through the sex offender registry, and I’m shocked at the things this bass-ackwards state puts people on the registry for.

    There’s a guy in the area, about late 30s, who is part owner of a very popular car dealership here. He is on the registry from a LOOOONG time ago because he had sex with a girl that was underage, and her parents got pissed the f**k off… he’s on there for good now, as far as I know.

    Also another guy that I know through some other people. He was on the registry for the very same reason. And the sad thing, he ended up MARRYING the girl he supposedly “raped” and they have children together. Can you imagine his relationship with his IN-LAWS?

    Anyways… my point is. I agree with you 100%, and I wish I get my point of view across as eloquently as you do. And… I sure hope you don’t lose your Mom’s group for this. They sound like a great group of women, so this one issue shouldn’t be a deal-breaker, right?

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  26. Miss Britt says:

    This Mom: ironically, I JUST got the email saying I’d been removed from the group. LOL

    That’s OK – I’m sure this is for the best for everyone.

  27. This Mom says:

    You know, it surprises me, but then on the other hand, it doesn’t. Having been a member of a hefty amount of mom’s groups over the years, I’ve learned one thing: When they get focused on a subject, it turns into a mob-mentality way of thinking.

    Hell hath no fury like a mom scorned (about a blog post).

    Brush it off… find a new group, girl. Let’s just start our own online Mom’s group… we can have a virtual drink together!

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  28. turnbaby says:

    how sad and frightened they are

    turnbaby’s last blog post..Half Nekkid Thursday Edition No. 3

  29. Robina says:

    Wow! I never knew the facts about the list; i.e, the things you said about the teenagers. That is just SO wrong on so many levels. I know many parents who ALLOW there underage teenagers date guys over the age limit, and those guy can become “sex offenders” if the parents get pissed at him? Maybe the list should just be those who have actually attacked other people.

    And those opinionated people who immediately jump to conclusions? I can see why you would have thoughts of leaving the group.

    Great post.

    Robina’s last blog post..If I only had a brain….

  30. Just Me says:

    Can I join the virtual moms group??? Just becoming a single mother (officially, unfortunately the ass I married has not been much of a father since…9 years ago)……I could use some other mom advice :)

    And hell, real drink, virtual drink….whatever…lets pour!! :martini: :martini: :martini:

  31. Hilly says:

    I don’t know whether or not I agree with the sex offender part mostly because it’s 7:00 AM and I don’t even know if I agree with this creamer in my coffee or not ;).

    But I will say that dropping you from the mommy group is a little harsh. What happened to the day when we could have differing opinions and debate them without it leading to expulsion or loss of friendship?

    I think they should get more educated about what puts someone on the list just like I should!

    Hilly’s last blog post..Because Life’s Big Clusterfooks Are Not Always About Me….

  32. Renee says:

    Let’s see… I love it when shit gets BLOWN wayyy out of proportion!!! 5 out of 23 people had a conversation about “The New Sex Offender List”… Funny enough we never got your email……. Also ironic that you would use MY very own example from my email as an example of how people can get ON the list… (14 yr old dating 17 year old – that was one of my clients)…. So the conversation was not all one dimensional; I too said, that we should look at the reasons “why” people are placed on the list because of the above….

    The conversation was more of a PAY ATTENTION; keep an eye out than anything.. If you read all of the emails you would have noticed the bottom line was “Just because you live in a beautiful, gated, surburban neighborhood doesn’t mean there aren’t sicko’s living there amongst you”… The final outcome was everyone just be AWARE of your surroundings and pay attention when your children are out playing…

    And NO I don’t let my 8 year old daughter run around the neighborhood, without me knowing where she is and who’s house she is in… And meeting the parents before she’s allowed into someone’s home…

    Guess what times are not like they used to be….. Just Monday a little girl 7 was upset with her brother and ran out of the apartment….She was last seen playing outside of her apartment complex.. She ran out around 2pm never seen again until Tuesday evening; she was found DEAD in the neighbor below her apartment’s bathtub! 5 men lived in that apt!

    Do I educate my daughter to scream, kick, run, punch, spit, scratch, bite whatever she needs to do, if someone tries to touch her inappropriately… HELL YEA…. but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to pay close attention to try and avoid anything from happening….. Being aware of her wherabouts when she is playing outside, making her come in before dark and meeting the parents of other kids houses she wants to go and play at…… What happened to better safe than sorry???

    And hell yeah FUCK the Island…Castrate the fuckers who like to RAPE, MOLEST and VIOLATE LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS!!!

    Renee’s last blog post..Just love those little guys!

  33. NEO says:

    “A 17 year old boy who has sex with his 14 year old girlfriend and is discovered by his girlfriend’s pissed off father… is registered as a sex offender. For life. Even if he grows up and marries that girl and has children with them.”

    Almost that exact thing happened to my brother-in-law. I have a friend who works for the sex offender registry who let me in on a little secret about getting off the list. But they moved out of state so that didn’t help him any.
    My former sister is hysterical like that also, she was always telling us how many offenders lived near us. So? I don’t let my children outside without supervision, like she does. I take care of mine, unlike her. So they are safe, because a 12 gage shotgun is very effective at eliminating anyone who would try to hurt my babies.

    NEO’s last blog post..Baby Chicks

  34. Jules says:

    Bravo! I could not agree with you more!

    Jules’s last blog post..Yay!

  35. Miss Britt says:

    This Mom: I think I’m done with groups for a while.

    turnbaby: apparently.

    Robina: I know, it’s frustrating because it makes it very hard to tell who ARE the dangerous people. And God knows THAT information would be useful.

    Just Me: you’re welcome in any group of mine!

    Hilly: *sigh* yeah, apparently it’s what is best for everyone.

    Renee: talk about things getting blown out of proportion: My sitter quit and I got kicked out of a mom’s group – because I wrote a blog post and had an opinion. And apparently, good news travels fast.

    The post wasn’t meant to be insulting to anyone. I was simply expressing how the entire email thread made me uncomfortable as hell.

    re: using “your” example a) I didn’t know about your client and b) that example, sadly, could be pulled from hundreds of different people’s lives. That was my point.

    NEO: yeah, I’ve known of people in that situation too. It’s rough.

    Jules: thanks. I appreciate it.

  36. Jennifer says:

    Wow, Britt. Been sorta following you through Avitable. I like your humor and brashness. Clearly you touched a lot of nerves here, so to speak.

    I like the overall message that living in fear isn’t fully living. One of my favorite books, actually, is called Love Is Letting Go of Fear. Kind of cheesy, but very cool.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..The People

  37. metalmom says:

    Those women don’t know what a strong friend they have just ostrasized! Brush it off and move on, I say.

    I think you were very eloquent in this post.Son2 wrote his name on the wall of a school at the age of 12.Schools are goverment property and it is a felon. Nice huh? I always take my understanding of laws with a grain of salt because I know how people are categorized under “umbrella” definitions.

    metalmom’s last blog post..Slow

  38. wafelenbak says:

    Thanks for your perspective, it was really informative.
    One of the downsides of the interwebs is how quickly it replicates the mob mentality. So scary. :(

  39. Maman says:

    Chicago has had that kind of system since my 13 year old was a toddler… and yes it is disturbing and yes it inspired me to get a 6foot fence (but then anyone walking down the alley could have reached over and grabbed one of my little blonde girlies and keep walking).

    The truth is our kids are much more likely to be endangered by someone we know and trust. Which is the same with virtually all violent crime.

    So, I try to keep the lines of communication open with the girls (a challenge these days) watch their behavior and view no one as above suspicion… WHEE!

    Maman’s last blog post..I am a cruel woman

  40. Teresa (Your Ex-Mom's Grp) says:

    Hey Britt. There is nothing I despise more than fake-ass lying people. I AM THE ORIGINAL POSTER of the e-mail you seem to have caused such a stir about. And how funny your “holier than thou” attitude is considering you never bothered to reply to my e-mail (sorry, did I mention I hate cowards too?).
    This was a news story for god’s sake — about how Florida revamped their sex offender list. Get a grip on reality. Yes, I want to know if a registered sex offender lives in my community — is that really fear mongering? It’s called being EDUCATED — try it sometime. Did you even look at the website before you JUDGED? Everybody I clicked on was a middle-aged to older man who SERVED TIME for lewd acts with minors.
    Education is a wonderful asset! For example, most educated people would say calling your husband a dumb-ass is not conducive to a happy healthy marriage or family life. Spending more time on your blog than with your children might also be a “no-no”. You can say what you want about those words — but at least I say it like it is. Or should I say I sent you an e-mail first that you ignored? :) No, I would never stoop that low – I have more class than that.
    Oh, and somebody who always cries “woe is me” — that get’s pretty tiring too. Do you find yourself with many close friends with that attitude? I would guess not. Alas, you were kicked off the Mom’s group — so, so sad. But how many friends did you make in the group, how many play dates did you attend, how many of the wonderful women did you try to befriend? Answer those questions honestly and then still tell yourself that you were kicked out for your opinions.
    I would have more respect for you if you actually joined in on our conversation – but you did not and your blog is based on a complete lie.
    There was no mob mentality. There was no lynching going on. Nobody said we should go after these perverts — it was just a little self-education about our surroundings. You should try a little self-education yourself. You took a harmless conversation between some Moms and blew it up out of proportion just so you had something you deemed “exciting” to blog about. That is pitiful — is there really nothing else you have to write about?
    The worse part about this is you seem so desperate to have a “popular blog” and now you’re getting more responses that you deserve — again, all based on a blog loaded with lies.
    Enjoy the popularity. I wonder what you’re going to do next week when you don’t have your visiting family and Mom’s group to whine about……

  41. I very much understand your point. And agree with most of it.

    I do always want to know though if a convicted rapist, or child molestor lives near me. Just because I can, and I can use that information to stay safe.

    I could care less if a person who, 15 years ago when they were a teenager had sex with a minor. Because, that happens (and HELLO, that shouldn’t haunt you for the rest of your life–as long as it wasn’t rape) I also could care less if a person who urinated in public lives near me.

    Educate yourself as to WHY the people are on the list in the first place, and then you can deal with it appropriately.
    :)

    themuttprincess’s last blog post..Yeah. My head is still clogged. I give up!

  42. Just Me says:

    Wow! What the hell kind of “Mom’s Group” were you in? These people seem to be “too good” for reality.

    Teresa, have you ever called your husband anything other than “love, honey, sweetheart”? I mean come on….if your marriage doesn’t have “dumbass” or any other term of endearment like that then I so want to meet you and your hubby…..

    It is clear as piss how much Britt LOVES her family regardless of what she writes here. This to me, is called venting.

    Hell, I have never met Britt personally, but by voicing her OPINION on HER BLOG and telling it like it really is, and expressing her mind and her feelings, I look up to this woman. She is strong and has a GREAT head on her shoulders. She has helped me through so much by expressing HER feelings on HER blog like she does. It makes realize that Im not alone.

    So you may feel like she is not who you thought she is, but maybe you better check yourself. Maybe you aren’t who you think you are….or you are trying to be somebody “better”.

    Britt, you don’t belong in this “mom’s group” anyway, so be glad you aren’t there anymore. You are real….these ladies seem to be pretending to be real.

    And thanks for sharing your blog with me! I love it!!!!

  43. avitable says:

    Teresa, are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to start personally attacking someone who was expressing an opinion? Her opinion had nothing to do with anyone being a bad person, just an unwillingness to have some moderation instead of taking an extreme stance on something.

    Yet here you are playing the role of the Mighty Cunt, making personal attacks about someone that you’ve barely met in any way. How fucking dare you.

  44. pnbzmom says:

    You seriously got kicked out of the mom group for having your own opinion, that differed from theirs? WOW! I could go on and on about how that is what’s wrong with this world, but I digress. We each have our own opinions and our own paths to go down. We do the best we can with what we know.

    And to Britt’s Mom….you brought up the Patriot Act. Have you read ‘Dude, Where’s My Country?’ I bounced between awe, anger, and fear that our country really is NOT a democracy any longer.

  45. Miss Britt says:

    Jennifer: that sounds like a book I would like to read.

    metalmom: my step dad vandalized a mail box or some crazy shit when he was like 16. Felony.

    wafelenbak: I’m glad you appreciated the PERSPECTIVE.

    Maman: yeah, I try to keep the lines of communication open too. I asked Devin the other day “what would you do if a car approached you or slowed down” he looked at me like I was stupid and said “Uh, run home FAST. Duh.” Such is communication with an 8 year old. :rolleyes:

    Teresa: wow – there are so many inaccuracies and misconceptions in this “comment”, I don’t even know where to start.

    I suppose I’ll start with the obvious – is there a time sheet somewhere I’m not aware of where someone has been logging time spent with kids vs. time spent on blog?

    Because THAT is fucking scary.

    Also, regarding my heart’s desires, priorities and aspirations… has someone been reading my diary again? Damn. I need to find a better hiding spot.

    themuttprincess: thank you for getting the POINT. Yes, I want to know if a rapist, child molest, or even just rude asshole has ANY chance of coming into contact with my child.

    Just Me: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: I know I should know better than to let crap bother me, but just the same – I heart the crap out of this comment. Thank you.

    avitable: you loyal little pervert you.

    pbnzmom: well, no. Technically I got kicked out because of this post.

  46. pnbzmom says:

    And to Theresa. If you think all of these negative things about Britt and didn’t want her in your “group” um why did you come to HER blog? If I didn’t care for someone I sure as heck wouldn’t be reading-let alone posting on their site. It’s just like TV baby…you don’t like it CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

  47. Marissa says:

    Where I’m at, they have a list of offenders and what they were convicted of doing. The peeing on the sidewalk ones earn a laugh from me and my friends (the majority of which have children) but there is no way to keep the ones convicted of child molestation/rape far enough away from the schools to not be a violation of their parole.

    And, sadly, it’s usually the kids that Mommy watches like a hawk that get violated.

    I wonder though, did we just become hyper aware of the ‘bad things’ now, or did we create them with the “oh my god the world is out to kill me” attitude it seems most people have?

    Marissa’s last blog post..I’m such a sucker

  48. Sodapop says:

    WOW! What an incredibly touchy group of people we have on the mommy group.

    Britt’s post was not calling anyone name, nor did she personally attack anyone.

    Teresa, step off the high horse, take a look in the mirror and maybe take care of your own shit before trying to pawn it off on Britt. The personal attacks you posted in the comments is horrible and you should be ashamed of yourself. Just my OPINION.

    While I’m not really close with Britt, I do know her dedication to family and friends is 110% if not more.

    Sodapop’s last blog post..Wash, rinse, repeat

  49. Marissa says:

    Holy shit, Theresa, maybe you should try coming into reality. Or are you the type of mother who thinks its wonder when her kid writes their name in dog poop? Kids aggravate you, your spouse annoys the hell out of you, and there are days you just want to rip your hair out and eat nothing but peanut butter and chocolate syrup. They call it ‘family’ and not ‘perfection’ for a reason. You learn through hardship.

    Or, if you prefer the Leave It To Beaver type of life, I should warn you, Ward was cheating on June and she was dropping acid in the mornings. God knows the kids were heading straight for detox and the padded room.

    Marissa’s last blog post..I’m such a sucker

  50. Hilly says:

    I had a very stupid ex boyfriend that would say “if you don’t like it, leave it”.

    I suggest that if the mommies don’t like this post, they leave it. I’m not trying to be bitchy but damn Gina, why all the hate so early in the morning?

    Hilly’s last blog post..Because Life’s Big Clusterfooks Are Not Always About Me….

  51. Special K says:

    Holy Hell!

    Is this a Mommy group or a cult of “Heathers”?
    “Be of like hive-mind or get the hell out.”

    So, by kicking you out of the group, they’ve shown their intolerance of free speech.
    That’s pretty disturbing.

    And, BTW Teresa: Very uncool of you to get personal and insulting when Britt in no way attacked anyone on any sort of personal level.
    Take a breather, come back later and re-read your post and I think you’ll see you could have handled that A LOT better.

    Special K’s last blog post..Part 1.5 Intro to da belly

  52. Dan says:

    Wow…

    I mean, wow

    Your Mom’s group appear to be a bunch of psychopaths.

    And yes, I agree. This is exactly why sex offenders lists should not be public.

    I’ve said this elsewhere, but about 50% of people i work with are survivors of sexual abuse. And in 6 years of my job i have yet to meet someone who was abused by someone they didn’t know already. Look at your fathers, brothers, sisters and spouses before you look at the neighbors.

    Dan’s last blog post..Earwigging

  53. Sheila says:

    I think we can all agree on a few things here : 1) The list is a great resource, IF you take the time to find out WHY a person is on it; 2) Teresa is a whiny bitch (seriously, she asked how many freakin’ play groups you go to?) and her and the other “mommy group” women are idiots (amongst other things); 3) the mommy wars are in full swing in Florida; and, 4) Britt was really in a mommy group?? Seriously??

    Regarding my #1 ~ I was guilty of the “lumping them all together” when I checked the list in my area and saw a guy who is a “friend of a friend” and is in our “group” that we hang out with. I didn’t bring my kids to a bbq they had, simply because the site didn’t list WHY he was on there…..turns out at 18, he had sex with a 16 year old. Her mom pressed charges and he’s on the list. Also, my bff’s exboyfriend had pretty much the same thing happen…the mom even tried to take everything back the day of his sentencing….sorry, he can’t get a job now and can hardly find a place to live.

    PS : Teresa, the petnames I have for my husband are retard, dumbass and bastard. Can’t you just feel the love?

    Sheila’s last blog post..A Nightmare on Elm Street?!

  54. Sheila says:

    By the way, Teresa, if you even took the time to read the damned post, you’ll see that Britt WAS ADVOCATING EDUCATION regarding the list.

    Sheila’s last blog post..A Nightmare on Elm Street?!

  55. Linda~ says:

    Holy Crap! That Teresa sure wants to make sure SHE gets credit for being the “ORIGINAL POSTER”! I think she’s looking for the attention and popularity now.

    Britt, you’re better off without those moms. Great post, love reading everything you put out there for us. Keep it up.

    Linda~

  56. Trishk says:

    I think you are better off without this “group”.

    I agree with Dan. I also work with survivors. When you are looking at the offender on the registry you need to pay attention to the charge. Speaking strictly on the child predators. These children are not being molested by some stranger lurking around the school or the day care. They are being molested by the grandfather, friend of family, father, mother, and don’t even get me started on the teachers! More than likely it is someone they know.

    Trishk’s last blog post..Help Needed

  57. This Mom says:

    Holy shit– can you imagine the fervent and frantic email conversations happening between these women right now?

    “Oh. Mah. GAWD. Did you read her latest post? Did you see what lies she is telling? I’d better go climb back in my Suburban and get juiced up on some Starbucks. I can hardly calm down enough to put some more mascara on and get ready for my Mommy & Me playgroup. Sheesh.”

    I find it quite amusing, because I’ve so been there and DONE THAT. It’s the curse of the mommy groups. They feed off each other, and no matter what you do– no matter where the group is from, they are ALL THE SAME. The mom that thinks outside the box will unfortunately find herself put outside the group.

    But to have the balls to criticize you on a personal level? That was low, girl.

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  58. Finn says:

    When I read the title of this post, I knew it was going to make me have an even bigger girl crush on you than I did before. Good on ya, darlin’ for speaking your mind.

    My husband is a cop and at one time one of his duties was to check up on the sex offenders in his. Many of the people on that list were there for things that a lot of people have mentioned here. Not too many of them were the people we’re all afraid of.

    That being said, the reason they’re periodically checked up on is that they aren’t always where they are supposed to be. And when they are, they are well aware they are being watched.

    For my money I’d be more wary of the schools my son attended, the summer camps, etc. Do they do thorough background checks? Your little ones are more vulnerable there than in their own neighborhood I’m willing to bet.

    And, for the record, the world is no more dangerous for children than it ever was. The difference is we have more information. FBI statistics on child kidnapping, etc. have remained steady for decades. We live in the information age, so we know more.

    One more thing: The best thing you can do for a child is to empower them. I was nearly molested as a nine-year-old, but I got away because I was uncomfortable with the man and left the situation before it escalated. I was not scared by it; it was what it was. Unfortunately we didn’t know enough then to talk about it so I never told anyone.

    I can’t believe you got kicked out of your group. Shit like this keeps me far away from those things. We can start our own group — Inappropriate Mommies, or Mommies Who Think.

    Finn’s last blog post..The Next Act

  59. Jen says:

    Holy crap – I go out for groceries and come back to a world of drama on Britt’s blog!

    In Canada, there is a National Sex Offender registry however the public does not have access to it. I’m on the fence if this is a good thing or not. Part of me doesn’t want to know if my neighbour is a registered sex offender. I just don’t want to know bad things though.

    We can’t assume that someone who is on an offender list is a child molester. It could be for whatever reason. It could be that they were falsely accused. Who knows.

    I think it’s very sad that your group, sorry, ex-group, of mommy’s can’t have a civil conversation about this topic. Ok, so they didn’t receive your email. Even if they had, I’m sure you would’ve written this blog entry anyway. For them to kick you out of the group is really fucking childish. Excuse the fuck out of you for expressing your opinion.

    Ya, you’re just such a bitch…. :heartbeat:

    Jen’s last blog post..What happens when Jen leaves her MacBook unattended!

  60. Just Me says:

    The new group could be named…..

    “REAL MOMMIES AND NOT PRETEND ONES”

    “MOMMIES WHO WANT THEIR KIDS TO BLOW BUBBLES NOT LIVE IN THEM”

    “MOMMIES WHO AREN’T AFRAID OF THE REAL WORLD AND EXPRESSING THEIR THOUGHTS ON IT”

    I could go on! Let’s have a contest…who can name the new mommy group! :)

  61. Renee says:

    Well let’s see..

    I’m enjoying reading the comments… Everyone is entitled to their opinions… but the context of the emails truly have been blown up!

    :wtf: We are not all idiots (let’s not prejudge)…

    :crazy: Mom’s group isn’t chatting about the topic, matter fact 20 of the 23 moms are oblivious to the blog or that Britt’s no longer a member.. :omg: ….fyi – There were only 3 people who typically read Britt’s blog (me being one, i’ll continue to read as it is very entertaining!!)…

    Anywhoooo we aren’t that shallow… Britt wasn’t removed because of her opinion… Don’t u guys think there is more to that??? :poke: Again, let’s not prejudge…or take the comments of ONE person as the reflection of everyone else in the group… Remember, we all have our opinions…

    Well i’m off for lunch (as I finish my starbucks(toffee nut latte is the BEST)), jump in my SUV and put on my MAC lipglass)..

    TOOTLES! :rock:

    Renee’s last blog post..Just love those little guys!

  62. This Mom says:

    So Britt… if it wasn’t because of this post– what reason did they give for removing you from the group?

    Renee says “Britt wasn’t removed because of her opinion”… so we’d all love to know– just why WAS she removed?

    Regardless of their reasons, we’re just to assume it’s all a coincidence that you were removed from the group the day you posted this?

    Renee… hun… we’re not all that stupid.

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  63. NYCWD says:

    There are alot of problems with the sex offender registry. The list of offenses that it includes varies from state to state, and more often than not do not differentiate between molestation and rape versus a violation of statutory laws or something that may have extenuating circumstances. In New York, sex with a chicken also constitutes being a sex offender.

    I don’t think the list being public is a problem. I think it is actually good to have it public, but I think the problem is the people that it is made public to often overreact to it… just as people who hate hearing the voice of a differing opinion will overreact to a detailed and educated blog post of that opinion.

    I also have to agree with Dan about most molesters are people that are already known. As a mandatory reporter in NYC, I’ve filled out more reports involving people who shared a last name than not.

    I do have a few questions about this whole Mommy Group thing… do you have gang signs in it? Does the initiation involve running a gauntlet of people striking you with rattles? Do you drink your gin and juice out of a bottle with a nipple? Are you a registered gang with the Floridian Law Enforcement Agencies?

    If you would answer “no” to any of those questions… then I suggest ya’ll take a look at yourselves… ’cause your acting like a bunch of wannabe low life thugs.

    NYCWD’s last blog post..Stay On Target

  64. Linda~ says:

    To Renee

    If only three mommies are aware that Britt is out of the group, obviously it was not an unanimous decision. How very democratic of you all, I mean three.

    And if you’re not that “shallow” what makes you think we give a shit what you’re drinking and what you drive?

  65. Poppy says:

    Not everyone who commits a sex offense is listed in The Official Database of Bad People. Put that in your Mommy group pipe and smoke it. (Directed at your now EX-Mommy group.)

  66. Traci (Mommy's Group) says:

    Linda she was being sarcastic referring to This Mom’s comment. I was the one who removed her so let’s just clear this up instead of all this assuming. I don’t need to get everyone’s opinion when I remove someone from the group that isn’t the way it works. If you would go back and read the very beginning of this subject you will see that Britt said she is thinking of leaving the group. She hasn’t been actively involved in the group and since she obviously doesn’t want to be a part of it I removed her since she was going to end up removing herself anyway. This was the email I sent to her to clear everything up “You said you don’t feel like you fit in but you’ve never really
    made any attempts to be a part of the group and get to know any
    of us so now you won’t have to worry about it anymore. Best of
    luck to you”. There you go that was the email I sent to her. Happy everyone. None of you know any of us so its wrong for you to label us all and judge us. You all are doing to us what Britt claims we were doing to sex offenders. I don’t drive some big expensive SUV I wish I did. Once again I replied to defend myself and the other two Mom’s. I don’t agree with Teresa attacking Britt but that was out of my hands. Its wrong for you all to throw names at us and judge us when only 3 of us have replied to any of this. I hope you all see how childish and riculous you are all being. I have nothing against Britt and I wish her and her family the best.

  67. This Mom says:

    Traci – So basically it was like junior high relationship:

    “I’m gonna break up with her before she breaks up with me.”

    Yes, you’re right. You ARE mature. Oh, how wrong we were to think differently. (insert dripping amounts of mommy sarcasm here)

    But as the apparent “leader” of the group, I sure hope you make more of an effort to get people involved in your group than kicking their ass out with a jovial “Best of luck to you!”

    So is Teresa getting kicked out of the group too for saying something you don’t agree with, or just Britt? *smirk*

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  68. Miss Britt says:

    pnbzmom: well, to be fair, I get links all the time along the lines “OMG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT – GO READ!” So I can understand them being here, I suppose.

    Marissa: I think we’ve become hyper aware. I also think our kids are SO exposed to “bad stuff” that they’ve gotten a higher tolerance of it.

    But that’s a post for another day. :wink:

    Sodapop: thanks babe. It’s nice to be reminded that I have shown some dedication to my family here, amidst the rants and venting and crap.

    Marissa: so it’s June I need to go to for an acid hit? Good to know!

    Hilly: dude, you can’t leave me. I’m like a magnet!

    Special K: I know it’s important to them that everyone feels like they “fit” together.

    Whatever works for you I guess.

    Dan: that’s a great point.

    Sheila: why is everyone so surprised I was in a Mommy group!?!?! Bastards!!!

    Linda~: thanks for the support love.

    Trishk: I know, and THAT is a truly terrifying thought.

    This Mom: I don’t understand WHY though. I mean, they’re made up of normal women too – aren’t they??

    Finn: has anyone told you today that you are brilliant?

    Because… you are. :hug:

    Jen: I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here:

    Order Your Groceries Online!

    Just Me: I just want a group that says “yeah, we’re moms. We’re also people, OK?”

    Renee: um, no, honestly, I didn’t think there was more to it than that. I mentioned to Traci that I wasn’t writing this post to call anyone a bad person – that I was trying to explain what made me uncomfortable about the whole issue and made me feel like I didn’t “fit”.

    5 seconds later I was “removed”.

    This Mom: I don’t want to know. Honestly. After reading some of the comments, I’m afraid to hear what other reasons could be given that my fragile ego couldn’t handle! LOL

    Clearly, it’s best for everyone.

    NYCWD: I agree – the list being public itself isn’t a problem. Hell, I checked it out IMMEDIATELY. And then I was kind of pissed because it makes it hard to determine who is on for what.

    As for the signs – I cannot tell you that. I don’t want to have to kill you.

    Linda~: I think she was making a joke. :wink:

    And really, it’s OK. Traci is very, very much in charge of the group and it wouldn’t work for me to still be a member.

    Poppy: woah!! There are pipes!?!? No one gave me a damn pipe!!!

    NOW I’m pissed…

    Traci: like you said, I didn’t fit.

  69. Sodapop says:

    I think Renee was being sarcastic about the Starbucks and car she drives comments.

    Now that we know the reason for being kicked out of the group, Traci I applaud you for coming here to defend yourself. I think it takes a lot to do that.

    Personally I didn’t attack the whole group, I only fussed at Teresa for her attack on Britt.

    I don’t know any of you so I can’t judge you, but I can say I disagree with a lot of what you say in these comments (in general – not just one person)

    And I just need to say I’m pretty sure more than just 3 people read this blog from the mommy group. Women are curious by nature and we seek drama where drama is available.

    Sodapop’s last blog post..Wash, rinse, repeat

  70. Linda~ says:

    To Traci,

    Yes, you cleared that up. YOU were the one to decide to remove Britt from the group because she was THINKING about it.

    I am not judging you, but this IS a place for our comments. A “Mommie Group” should be just that, a “Group”, not a dictatorship.

    Britt, this has been quite an interesting morning for me here at work. This has really made the time fly so far.

    Lot of Love,

    Linda~

  71. I absolutely agree with you Britt. In fact, I could not agree with you more. As a specialist in treating severe trauma – yes, that means all the things you are afraid will happen – I can tell you that there is nothing more off base than believing that a STRANGER is going to hurt your children.

    Here’s some facts:

    Most kids are raped, molested and abused by people who know them and/or are related to them.

    Not everyone who is sexually abused is damaged by it. Really and truly. There’s only a very vocal yet small portion of the population that the abuse even means anything to them.

    In the most horrific cases, including my own, the children always say: “it was better than being at home.”

    Finally, it’s the lack of LOVE that damages people – not these events. If you love your kids enough, they will survive anything.

    If need be, I’ll go toe to toe – statistics, research, experience working with thousands of people, being one of the few (10) experts in this field, and my own personal life – with anyone who says that your opinion is wrong Britt.

    You are absolutely and completely correct.

    And your children are better for it.

    I’m standing on my chair applauding you.

  72. avitable says:

    Traci, that’s bullshit. She went to cookouts when she could and took the kids on outings with your group when she had the time. Unlike 90% of your “Working Moms” group, she actually works. (And not at a job that she quits after a few months because she can’t handle it).

    You’ve acted extremely immaturely and now you don’t like the things people are saying? I’m not talking about the group, I’m talking about you. I know you’re used to it, but here’s one time where you don’t get to play the victim.

  73. Traci (Mommy's Group) says:

    Excuse me Adam but who the hell are you to start making this personal with me. You have no clue about a lot of things and how dare you start shit with me because I quit. I’ve put up with bullshit for months and stuck it out and then your going to come on here and attack me you probably still have my email address if you have something to say to me then say it there don’t go attacking me in front of a bunch of strangers that don’t even know what the fuck is going on. I can’t believe how fucking immature you are. As for Britt coming to things if you want to know she’s come to 4 things since November. There were many more she was going to come to but she always canceled. I know she’s your friend and all but you have no right to go attacking me because I decide to quit my job. I gave her a weeks notice your acting like I up and left which isn’t the case. Grow the fuck up and mind your damn business.

  74. This Mom says:

    Avi – I see you’ve touched on a nerve.

    Britt – Apparently, the welcome package you received upon joining the group was missing the information about there being a quota for how many events you were required to attend. Darn it all to hell! There’s probably a spreadsheet and everything!

    Traci – I’m pretty sure you’re not going to get a sympathetic ear from anyone around this blog.

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  75. Traci (Mommy's Group) says:

    This Mom I can careless. None of you know the whole story about anything so keep jumping to all your conclusions. I’m not going to have Adam attack me because I decide to not watch her kids anymore. That’s all I’m saying because this is just bullshit and immature. The way he’s acting you’d think he’s her husband and not Jared. Its just ridiculous. I’ve never quit a job before and been attacked so this is all new to me. I have better things to do with my life than to put up with bullshit from a guy that’s only met me once. Happy blogging to all of you.

  76. avitable says:

    Four things since November? So that’s one event a month? Seems like she was participating quite a bit.

    I guess she has to participate every weekend so that she can show she’s “committed” to the group.

    I’m not attacking you for quitting. I said you acted immaturely. I was talking about removing Britt from the group so arbitrarily.

    Exactly how many mommies in your “Working Moms” group are currently working? 1? 3?

    Maybe you should just change the name to “Baby Playtime” so you don’t attract actual working moms who want to find friends.

  77. turnbaby says:

    Sugar who would you ever want to be in a group with these people?

    And Traci–if you don’t want your business aired why are you here doing it?

    turnbaby’s last blog post..Half Nekkid Thursday Edition No. 3

  78. This Mom says:

    Traci, my dear. I don’t think I was jumping to conclusions. You removed her from the group for reasons that make no sense to the rest of us. You stated that loud and clear, hun.

    Pathetic.

    You and your group just lost a fabulous person.

    So Britt…whatcha gonna post about tomorrow? LOL

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  79. abbersnail says:

    Amen! I lived in South Carolina during college, and the laws there are ridiculous when it comes to “sex offenses.”

    I think we spend so much time worrying about the “what ifs” that we stop using common sense. I really thing that about 85% of the ways we try to protect ourselves from life actually prevent us from living.

    But maybe I’m full of crap.

    abbersnail’s last blog post..CYOB

  80. Jen says:

    Britt – I almost spit out my Starbucks with your response! :lmao:

    Jen’s last blog post..Thankful Thursday

  81. Trishk says:

    Wow, Mommy Groups require mandatory attendance at events? I am very happy that such things weren’t around when I had small children. God knows, between working, military life, sick children I couldn’t keep up with the required attendance.

    Wow a whole week’s notice. I’m so impressed.

    Trishk’s last blog post..Help Needed

  82. TSM says:

    Oh can I have a turn?? ME ME ME!!!

    Holy canoles!

    I woke up to quite the maelstrom of activity here. Damn me for sleeping til ten.

    There is a general sense in online groups that, because someone is a fellow mom or a sufferer of fibromyalgia or whatever, that being in this group will mean they share the same opinions about everything. Notsomuch.

    And removing Britt because she was thinking of leaving? Effing juvenile to say the least. You were looking for a reason.

    Coming here to poke the bear? Also juvenile. Whatever image we all have of your mommy group calling and IM’ing each other saying “Can you BELEEEEVE?” and “Oh my GOSH I just heard!” is being fed by your presence here.

    I’m voting for “I want my kids to blow bubbles, not LIVE in one”. Can I join? Please please please??

  83. Kimberly says:

    Holy shit! You were in a cult??

    Kimberly’s last blog post..What Would Katie Do?

  84. Just Me says:

    Britt….I just have to say you rock! And you are very lucky to have a friend like Adam as well. I admire the relationship that you two have as friends and I in no way would ever think that he is more like your husband than Jared is because I would do anything to have a friend that would stand by me like he has.

    I believe that if Jared read this whole post and the comments that came with it….he would commend Adam for being the friend he is. Because the four of them (Britt and Jared and Adam and Mrs. Adam) have a relationship that some people wish they did….which makes me think that some of these “mommies” are those “some people.”

    So kudos to you, Adam, Britt, Jared, and Mrs. Adam!!!!

  85. Jer says:

    Holy CRAP on a cornflake! A few things here. Britt, I found you via Avitable and have never really commented before.

    A) I’m so glad I didn’t get busted pissing between 2 parked cars in Brooklyn after a party. Although it was only my girlfriend at the time who saw me. (WOOT let’s hear it for the LESBIANS! – who by the way are moms)

    B)With a “mommy group” like that, who the fuck needs enemies.

    C)I thought after people became parents they GREW UP and stopped acting like the demon spawn they birthed?

  86. My word, girl. I am blown away.

    I stopped reading the comments after Teresa’s.

    What you did? What you said here? NOT A BIG DEAL. My guess is Teresa is projecting a lot of her own issues with not spending enough time with her own kids? How on earth does she know so much about your blog? And why on earth does she care so much?

    This mom’s group is exceeding every stereotype I have about mom’s groups.

    I’m shocked. I’m honestly shocked. So shocked I can barely string my words together.

    This group? Just did you a HUGE favor. In fact, I’d be embarrassed to belong to it. Not that they’d have me, what with me having to stop pushing the swing every two minutes to shoot up.

    You’re a good mom. You wrote a good post. You got kicked out of a frighteningly freakish group. It’s a good day!

    maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Ghost.

  87. Kyra Sutra says:

    I wonder if I’m eligible for the sex offenders list now that I flashed myself on the internet?

    There *could* be 15 year old boys out there this very minute whacking it… you never know!

    Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..Half Naked Thursday: Liberation

  88. Jen says:

    Traci – do you kiss the kids you babysit with that foul mouth of yours?

    Jen’s last blog post..Thankful Thursday

  89. Miss Britt says:

    Holy Crap.

    A girl goes to regroup for a few hours and the damn blog explodes!

    Whew.

    Well I was GOING to write a post tomorrow about the fact that all of you fuckers laughed at me for being in a mommy’s group! LOL But um… now I think I’ll just let things lie.

    And, FYI: I am not responsible for anything Adam says – on my blog or not. And quite frankly, I appreciate him standing up for me because he DOES know me.

    You don’t have to be someone’s husband to stick up for them.

    Now – I’m off to figure out whether or not I want to close this comment thread or not. I’ve never done it before, but – damn. The entire POINT of this post hasn’t gotten lost in some craaaaaazzzzzzzzy ass shit.

  90. Amy says:

    Teresa, talk about holier than though, why don’t you take your nasty, judgmental soccer mom ass out to the front lawn and police your neighborhood.

    Just think – while you wasted your time writing such completely ignorant bullshit – someone’s kid got raped and YOU could have stopped it. Start using your powers for something productive other than insulting people for clearly pointing out what a pathetic, cowardly, gossip-monger you actually are.

    Further more to all the mommy group members AND the cowardly babysitter who just put another MOM in a jam because apparently there wasn’t room in an ignorant backwood town for your type

    You women should have your asses kicked. Your kids are going to grow up to be sad little sheeple who leap on everything as if it is the end of the world because THAT is the example you are setting.

    Britt joined your sad little group because she didn’t know any other moms there and I can’t move to Florida. (God help you all if I did live there though) The sad fact is that Britt has more intelligence in her little finger than any of you do in your entire and collective bodies.

    Ever heard of the Freedom of Speech? Probably not because you’d prefer the women in your group all share the same opinion and if not, then you pathetic little bitches will bail on her and leave her high and dry (I’m specifically referring to the pathetic excuse for a babysitter here). Pretty pathetic ladies.

    Now, go put on your little white gloves and start the tea party. Be sure to talk about your health and the weather only – because apparently more than that only incites stupidity.

    You all owe Britt an apology. Mostly for being the pathetic excuses for human beings that you are, secondly for being ignorant, and third for being pathetically intimidated by a woman with more brains than you.

    Good going. You do our gender proud.

    Dipshit.

    Amy’s last blog post..Only Wednesday?

  91. God help me, Jesus, I need to throw my two-cents worth in.

    This started out as a terrific post. I was reading it and thinking, “Oh my Gosh! I totally agree with her!”

    The comments were awfully interesting in the beginning too.

    But holy batfuck, Batman, how did it degenerate so quickly?

    You want my humble opinion? And I’ve lived 43 years and raised 2 awesome girls so I have the right to have one….

    You’re all being big fat whiny babies.

    Mom’s Group? All 2, 3, 4 or 23 of you? Grow the fuck up. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You are all full of suck.

    Everyone else? “Hello pot? This is the kettle. You’re black.”

    Britt has done an excellent job of defending herself, her opinions, and her Mommi-ness on here. It’s commendable that you all love her and want to protect her. But you’re all doing the very thing she wrote her blog post about. You’re all over-reacting. Remember when we said everyone had a right to their opinion?

    Theresa was wrong to bring it to a personal level. Anyone who did the same thing after that was ALSO wrong.

    Britt? You’re so adorable. Of course everyone wants to defend you. But personally? My money is on you, girl. I think you can kick ass and take you OWN names.

    The OTHER Miss Ann Thrope’s last blog post..If you wanna know what *I* think… and who wouldn’t?

  92. [...] Unfortunately, another side effect of my malaisical ennuimilloo is the piling up of my Google Reader. I’m simply not keeping up on your blogs the way I usually do. About thirty minutes ago, I told myself I’d take a break and click on just one blog — my pal Miss Britt. [...]

  93. Amy says:

    I am completely guilty of making a personal attack on Britt’s behalf. But quite frankly, I’d make the same attack on anyone else’s behalf as well. Although, I do have a special spot for my Brittini.

    That being said – I think it’s pretty personal when even the most ignorant of babysitters quits on you at a moment’s notice. Women should be here to support each other and no one can understand the plight of a working mother like another mom and to think that this stupid flaming twat wad of a woman PURPOSELY and INTENTIONALLY put another mom in a jam because of a different of opinion is ludicrous.

    Please, Traci – move to a fucking country where people with your mentality live. You know, some place where they don’t allow a difference of opinion. That’s more your speed anyway.

    Oh and Traci – shut the fuck up before someone realizes that you are fucking 7th grader in a grown ups body. You are immature and I am so glad that will not be exposing Britt’s children to your form of ignorance anymore. Personally, I don’t think people like you should be allowed to reproduce much less actually be exposed to children.

    You are a stupid, stupid twat. I wish I could say something more intelligent but I just don’t believe that you or anyone else in your group is smart enough to understand more than a one or two syllable word.

    And yeah, that’s another personal attack. But it’s no more personal than what this idiots pulled on Britt.

    I’m sorry, yeah, Britt can take care of herself, brilliantly. But, you know what? Sometimes it feels good to know that other people care and have your back.

    Amy’s last blog post..Only Wednesday?

  94. Amy says:

    Oh and Britt – I totally think you should post the link to the mommy group and the email addresses of all the women.

    Know why? Well, in their world it’s totally ok to look up private information, make assumptions, and then attack – so, let’s give them a taste of their own medicine and let some of these intelligent bloggers get a hold of them personally.

    How is THAT for inciting a mob mentality? Oh, it’s probably not nice to turn the tables on crazy women who haven’t been convicted of an ambiguous sex crime.

    Oh and ladies, I lived next door to a man convicted of raping a child under the age of 14 – I didn’t lynch him, I taught my kids to watch out for him.

    THAT is how you handle things in a grown up world.

    Amy’s last blog post..Only Wednesday?

  95. Miss Britt says:

    And… we’re out.

    Thanks guys. I appreciate the sentiment. And no one appreciates loyalty more than I do – to a fault.

    But it is gettin’ ugly up in here! And we all know we are all too good for the uglies. :-)

  96. Msbatman says:

    I haven’t read every single post yet, but I will, but can I point out something here. Teresa posted a comment supposedly from The Mommy Group. Now if she speaks for the entire group or not, I don’t know, but she chose to represent them here.

    The point is, she said what she had to say, lambasted Brit for having an opinion, a logical one if you ask me, but an opinion all her own.

    And then……..she vanished. She has not come forward to defend her position or refute anything said about her or the other mommies.

    OOOHH and way to go Britt for writing a post in the attempt to get more comments than that OTHER BLOG…. :clap:

    Msbatman’s last blog post..January 08, 2004

  97. Miss Britt says:

    OK, I’m opening them back up – because I’ve gotten a couple of emails from people with some VALID comments about the POST, and I want them to have their chance to say it.

    But… so help me God people… no more uglies! Not for or against me, K?

    I :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: all to death – but let’s get back to the post, K?

    *smooches!*

  98. jester says:

    As a gay man, I can be listed on the sex offender registry in 38 states if some asshole cop wanted to bust me for my six-year relationship with UncleMonkeyBoi.

    You think you need to keep your kids away from me because of that?

    The fact of the matter is your kids are in far more danger of being molested by someone they know and have regular contact with.

    You want to keep them safe? Maybe you should home school the kids, create a “compound” out of your home and set up audio and video surveillance in each room. Keep your paranoia in check by only ordering take out or growing your own food to minimize the exposure to the big bad outside world. I’m sure your kids will grow up healthy and socially well-adjusted.

    OR

    You could be an intelligent being and recognize the situations that really are dangerous, like overnights at Michael Jackson’s or Avitable’s. You could foster a relationship with your kids that encourages them to talk to you about everything, including situations that make them uncomfortable. Most molesters require a period of time to “romance” their victims.

    It happens gradually over time. It’s not like “Hi, nice to meet you, little Johnny, now let me touch your pee pee.”

    That conversation is usually reserved for some gay bars and the Minneapolis Airport bathroom.

    jester’s last blog post..The Jester Show April 2, 2008

  99. ohmygod who is Jester and why is he so funny??

    maggie, dammit’s last blog post..On wolves and lemmings (In defense of Miss Britt.)

  100. turnbaby says:

    Britt thank you for letting Jester post his comment cause I laughed my ASS off at it!

    turnbaby’s last blog post..Half Nekkid Thursday Edition No. 3

  101. Crys says:

    There’s nothing ugly about my boob, Britt. How dare you

  102. This Mom says:

    Jester – You are absolutely right.

    I can’t shelter my kids from the entire world, but I can teach them what to do if they find themselves in a situation where they are uncomfortable or feel that something is not right. You can’t rid the world of the sex offenders so I concentrate on my own family, and protecting them. Sadly, a lot of times the people they need protecting from are people they KNOW.

    As far as the registry goes, there are good and bad points to it.

    Good because it makes people aware of the dangers out there.

    BAD because of what we’ve seen happen here in the 90+ comments today. (I’m fully admitting I played a role in that, too.)

    I would HOPE that the majority of the people on those registries have truly changed their ways, or are owning up to stupid mistakes they made in the past. Some of them may have been wrongly accused, and some of them are victims of a situation getting blown way out of proportion (no pun intended, lol).

    I as a mother and a citizen need to be cognizant of the fact that I don’t know the whole story about a single one of them, and I am not the judge and jury on their existence in this society.

    If I saw one of them walking down the street I sure wouldn’t go out of my way to start up a conversation, but I wouldn’t run screaming in the other direction, either. I live in a town of less than 1,000, and there are TWO sex offenders living in our town. TWO. They both live by the library. Do I stop going to the library? NO. But I also don’t let the kids walk up there (2 blocks away) alone.

    This Mom’s last blog post..Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get the Milk For Free?

  103. Miss Britt says:

    Jester: I’ve had the talk with the kids about Avitable. And I’ve also talked to HIM about the fact that Emma will NEVER BE “OLD ENOUGH”!

    Maggie: it’s because he’s gay. That’s what they keep telling me.

    Turnbaby: me too. LOL

    Crys: well, the areola is a little… dark. But still hot!

    This Mom: that sounds like a very balanced view to me.

  104. avitable says:

    Well, she’ll be 16 someday . . .

  105. Msbatman says:

    My girls’ Uncle (their father’s brother) is on the sex offender registry in our state. He lives next door to his brother. My girls see him every time they visit their father.

    Do I know why he is on that list? Yes to an extent I do.

    Does it make me uncomfortable that he has access to my girls? Yes it does.

    Have I taught them that if Uncle touches you in any inappropriate way you scream and yell and you tell everyone and you tell and you tell and you tell? Yes.

    Do I continue to let them go see their father and their uncle? Yes, because I know they are educated and they are aware.

    I have to believe that as a parent I am doing all that I can to teach them to be aware without being afraid.

    Msbatman’s last blog post..January 08, 2004

  106. Chanda says:

    I just linked over from Okay, fine, dammit, and wow! What a post to jump in on. I have to admit I have been guilty (even as a non parental) of that rabid knee jerk reaction to the term “sex ofender”, but you are absolutely spot on about educating yourself, and avoiding the witch hunt mentality that accompanies this sensitive issue. Im willing to bet more lives are ruined by this list than saved. It worries me that we, as a society, are so quick to lump everyone in with the boogy man in order to feel safe, or moral, or in control. It has happened time and time again over the course of our history. It seems we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

    Thank you for writing a great post that makes me think.

    Chanda’s last blog post..Bloggingytis

  107. jester says:

    @maggie I’m a bad blog friend who doesn’t comment as often as he should. I have to be funny because I didn’t get ripped abs.

    @This Mom – I don’t think we’re in disagreement. I just think that, like most laws and programs designed to “PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!!” we have let our fear of hypotheticals overcome our common sense and good judgment.

    A good friend of mine has had his life destroyed by the sex offender registry law because of the homophobic father of a boyfriend. He’s now labeled as one of the “lowest of the low” molesters – an older man who molested a younger “boy.” They were 18 and 16.

    Did you know there was a class system even among child molesters?

    jester’s last blog post..The Jester Show April 2, 2008

  108. Crys says:

    dark areolas? have we never met? pink rose petals, baby!

  109. Maman says:

    Britt,

    Try them at 11 and 13!

    Maman’s last blog post..I am a cruel woman

  110. Mindy says:

    I wanted to comment on this earlier but because I was somewhat furious at some of these comments, I refrained. All I can say to you Britt is…. :heartbeat:

  111. Honeybell says:

    You know, reading these comments has reinforced every negative thought I’ve ever had about mommy groups. You are the second person I’ve read about that has been booted out of a group for not being a lemming. There may have only been a few from the group commenting, but there is enough animosity from those few for all of them.

    Honeybell’s last blog post..Celebrities Who Could Be My Baby Daddy

  112. Penelope says:

    Good grief Britt it just took me over an hour to get down to the “leave a reply” part!
    I’m in culture shock i think. Whilst we have the “Mummy groups” in England, I have to say they aren’t quite so militant, but then we’re all so damn polite and reserved huh? :lol:
    I can’t see you in a Mum groups anymore than I saw me in one, and God knows I’m too old for that crap now anyway.
    One thing I absolutely 200% agree with is that child molestation happens AT HOME in the majority of cases. By that I mean by people within the family, or close friends of the family. It’s no different this side of the Pond. You can’t protect kids from everything but you can damn well EDUCATE them about everything.
    Seems a few adults could use a little education too.
    Britt you nailed it! :ohgreatone:

    Penelope’s last blog post..Hunting in packs.

  113. Terri says:

    Here is the Iowa Code Section for indecent exposure….
    709.9 INDECENT EXPOSURE.
    A person who exposes the person’s genitals or pubes to another not
    the person’s spouse, or who commits a sex act in the presence of or
    view of a third person, commits a serious misdemeanor, if:
    1. The person does so to arouse or satisfy the sexual desires of
    either party; and
    2. The person knows or reasonably should know that the act is
    offensive to the viewer.

    AVI:
    I was in no way slamming Britt… I love her and was just trying to more inform everyone on the laws of Iowa… which is where I live…
    I do think their are people on the registry that don’t belong there… but there are as many that NEED to be on there.

    Thanks for letting me offer my opinion…

  114. avitable says:

    Terri, yeah, I know you weren’t slamming her – it just seemed like you might not realize she was in Florida.

    To me, that code reads that if someone came across a drunk guy peeing in an alley, that would be indecent exposure and then he’d be a sex offender.

  115. Ray says:

    Wow. I’ve never seen anything quite like this outside of a bar room.

    This is why my “Daddy’s Group” consists of one member (me). It keeps me from getting kicked out (though I’ve thought of revoking my membership from time to time), and having to deal with such incredible small-mindedness.

    Excellent post, Britt. Right on.

    Ray’s last blog post..Out, when I didn’t even know I was In.

  116. thank you, my dear britt, for being strong enough to have an opinion. one of the reasons i adore you is because you are intelligent enough to look at situations, pretty or ugly situations, and to thoughtfully express your feelings.

    you are a good woman, a good mother. i’m glad you aren’t letting a few ignorant people pull you down to their level.

    wish i lived closer and could help out with the little ones. me thinks nanna should consider a move to warmer weather… :clap:

    keep up the wonderful blog. i would have rallied to your defense, but you didn’t need my help. don’t hesitate to call if that changes.

    :heartbeat:

    hello haha narf’s last blog post..Dave & Me…On Da Radio

  117. we_be_toys says:

    Holy Freakin Jesus on a Stick!
    This was some kind of can o’ worms you opened girl! I can’t help wondering what the other 20 moms in the group are doing, that they’re not involved in this,”debate”, shall we call it?

    I hate play groups, and I hate cliques, so as far as I’m concerned, you’re in good company, not being in THAT company anymore, for WHAT EVER reason.
    Sheesh!

    we_be_toys’s last blog post..Trip to Wales~Part III

  118. Marissa says:

    Jester- there is a class system among the convicted.

    A family member worked in a prison, and there were convicted men in there who had killed their parents, their wives, dogs, neighbors, killed people during a robbery. You name it, they did it.

    And they are some of the harshest people I’ve ever seen when it comes to dealing with a REAL child predator. Not the “I was eighteen and they were sixteen” but the 46 year old man who raped his five year old stepdaughter.

    As someone who has been there as the victim, I can say with almost absolute certainty, that the one who violates the child is someone they trust. It’s not the offender down the corner, it’s the one in the family.

    Too many people (myself earlier) forgot that and went on attack.

    Marissa’s last blog post..I’m such a sucker

  119. Terri says:

    Well Avi… I would never say NEVER… but where I am involved in the Court system that would never go…

    I am aware that Britt is in Florida… I am a avid reader for years… and started reading her when she was in Iowa because she is a fellow Iowan….

    Britt and Avitable… thanks for both being you and putting out there what most people are afraid to do….

  120. This is why I am getting uterine ablation.

    Our last homeowner’s association was filled with bored housewives who spent $10,000 on pansies to decorate the neighborhood. They refused (illegally) to allow people to speak at the monthly meetings. And, they would go from lawn to lawn with a ruler. If you were 1/4″ over the limit, they would have the city come out and cite you.

    I guess we all have that sign on us that says “Make me feel important” even if I have to kick the crap out of someone else to make myself look better.

    And I can’t believe your babysitter quit. Is it the mommy mafia that you belong to?

    The Absurdist’s last blog post..The Girly-Girl Answers Revealed

  121. Crys says:

    “this is why i’m getting uterine ablation”

    best line evarr

  122. I’ve never had to scroll so far to comment on your blog so it seems you hit a lot of buttons. But you are right. Sex crimes cause such a scare in this world when in reality most people will go through their life with out ever experincing one. It’s a form of hysteria and it bugs me like anything.

    Freelance Guru’s last blog post..How can I win the Lottery but still keep it real – Part 1

  123. sam says:

    I think you did all this because you’re just a comment whore whose goal in life is to be dooce.

    *tsk, tsk* Britt, we’re on to your goal of global blog domination.

    sam’s last blog post..Recounting Some of My Hardest Days

  124. Krystle says:

    :ohgreatone:

    Amen to that… I agree with you 100%.

    I’ve never really thought about it that way that they (the people pee outside, etc) are treated the same way as scary Dateline NBC How to Catch a Predator people are treated.

    Krystle’s last blog post..Noooooooo!

  125. Lori says:

    Thank you Maggie, for the link here. Once again – pure gold.
    I could almost hear the high-pitched screeching with some of those posts. Yikes.

    My two cents? This is why I have never joined a “Mommy” blog group. Not because I am stereotyping them all into the soccer mom mold.
    Simply because I much prefer to fall in love with the blog writer first and foremost. Not his or her “category.” Male or female, kids or no kids, gay or straight – I just don’t care.
    Make me laugh and make me think and make me cry and I’m all yours.
    It’s not suprising then that many of my favorites are right here, posting sensible, logical replies.
    :heartbeat:

  126. jester says:

    @marissa My point was that any system that allows for so many erroneous listings is broken. That’s right, the sex offender registry system is broken.

    The people that are really dangerous are smart enough to either keep from getting caught, or able to keep ahead of their listings in the database.

    @sam Britt would need a lobotomy and a shit load of boring pills to make any comparisons to douche…err… dooce.

    jester’s last blog post..The Jester Show April 2, 2008

  127. Candance says:

    Mom’s Group=Crazy Fucking Bitches. No wonder you didn’t go to their events. Who the hell would purposely subject themselves to such a small minded, venomous, possibly psychotic group of bitches? They wear designer, matchy sweat suits don’t they? With visors?

    Good for you, Miss Britt!! You’re post was great, very, very true and well written!!

    Candance’s last blog post..Dolly is on American Idol!! Shut Your Face!!!

  128. [...] other news, Miss Britt has a post about the sex offender’s registry list that has managed to ruffle some feathers neutral-t…. The comments section got out of hand with some attacks, but I’m pretty happy with the [...]

  129. NYCWD says:

    Dear Sam,

    FYI… your precious Douche doesn’t allow comments to begin with… so there’s absolutley no conversation there. Its simply her pontificating the most unfunniest things I, and those of us with brains, will ever read.

    However, while we appreciate your sheep like loyalty, we think you have earned yourself the right to go get a case of Shuddaphuckup and do just that.

    Thanks,
    -NYCWD

    P.S.
    I don’t serve Kool-Aid… I serve Crystal Light and you’ll like it beotch.

    NYCWD’s last blog post..Stay On Target

  130. Wonderer says:

    Damn! I read this via my feed reader this morning, thought it was a thoughtful post and moved along…
    Then I caught a glimpse of Maggie’s post speaking of the comment firestorm and just had to come take a rubbernecking peek with my own eyes.

    I’m so glad I raised my kids before this whole ‘Super Mommy’ insanity began. Play dates and elaborate parties and groups, etc… often turn into ways for Mommy to show off. It has nothing to do with the kids.
    It’s a larger part of society’s obsession with superficial lemming-like behavior. I like to call it the ‘Paris Hilton Effect’…. or maybe it’s all Martha Stewart’s fault …. Either way, be glad you got out before the Scientology lectures started.
    I keep picturing a generation of kids later saying, “I never got to play because we were always running around to this and that and this. Oh, and Mommy always had that damned camera around her neck so she could post my most embarrassing moments (Photoshopped, of course) all across the world wide web.”

    So sorry for the rant … probably should have saved that for my own spot.

  131. avitable says:

    NYCWD, I think Sam was joking. Heh.

  132. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: :spank: :banghead: :banghead:

    Msbatman: good for you. That’s got to be hard, especially considering your relationship with their father.

    Chanda: thanks for thinking. ;-)

    jester: actually, I did know that! Let’s not discuss how.

    Crys: I’ll believe that when I see it.

    Maman: I’m confused.

    Mindy: :heartbeat: is sufficient. Thank you. :D

    Honeybell: I was bound and determined to prove the stereotypes wrong. Dammit.

    Penelope: this whole thing makes me want to sit down with the kids and have another longgggg talk with them.

    Terri: your opinion is always welcome – especially when it’s informed. I’m glad you feel comfortable offering it.

    avitable: it kind of sounds like that to me too.

    Ray: I’m too hard on myself to allow myself in my group.

    hello haha narf: i love your unwavering faith in me. :hug:

    we_be_toys: and I tend to like groups, in theory. I’ve always been the first to say “no! It’s not that bad”.

    Boy, don’t I look stupid!

    Marissa: I can understand that in the face of that kind of fear, it’d be easy to forget.

    Terri : I’m glad to know there are good people involved in the court system!

    The Absurdist: the mafia? I wish! Now THAT would be cool!

    Crys: and oh. so. tempting. LOL

    Freelance Guru: hysteria is never a good thing. Thanks for scrolling. :-)

    sam: damn it! My secret is out!

    And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for you pesky kids…

    Krystle: yeah, it’s kind of freaky, and not something most people want to discuss I think.

    Lori: yeah, and people say the Internet is crazy!

    jester: and a dog. I gotta get me a dog.

    Candance: actually, no – they were very nice, normal women. And for the most part, I really enjoyed myself when I went.

    I didn’t go to a lot of the events because I work full time and our family time is rare – not because we don’t care about our kids, but because we need to support them.

    NYCWD: awwww – thanks. But Sam was joking. I assure you. She’s like the sweetest chic you could ever meet – and I accidentally deleted both of her ragingly supportive Have Mah Back Bitch comments from earlier today.

    Wonderer: OK – I am totally guilty of taking pictures of my kids. My son? Hates it – which is why you more often see my daughter here. LOL

    But I also want them to have time to roll around on the carpet from time to time. It’s free and it’s fun. I think more people should try that!

    avitable: yep, she was. Imagine that – someone as protective as YOU. :evil:

  133. Just Me says:

    So does that mean Sam is your wife since Avi is your husband? :)

    Like I said, you guys rock! :rock: :rock:

  134. I read like 400 comments and gave up after the few from that mommy’s group – who the fuck are those women? Definitely not like you… their heads are so far up their asses they can’t even get being lemmings right.

    Sam nailed what I would have said about Canada not having such a list. I happen to be paranoid about everyone so my kids are kept in the basement.

    Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Angry

  135. NYCWD says:

    Wait. Sam’s a chick?

    Ooops. :slaphead:

    Sorry Sam… whenever She Who Shall Not Be Named gets mentioned… I tend to see red.

    NYCWD’s last blog post..Stay On Target

  136. OMG, you got fired from a mommy group?! You’re awesome!

    Ok, Where Was I?’s last blog post..I’m Famous, Just Like Dooce!

  137. HoosierGirl says:

    Oh my gosh, what a mess! Hang in there, Britt.

    J.

    HoosierGirl’s last blog post..Gettin’ lucky in Kentucky…or just getting sleepy?

  138. heather says:

    Look. I feel you. I am up to my fucking ears in these mommy-acs. There is a breed now in our age group and they are a plague.

    No one wants to send a child to play at a sex offenders, but, get real. You’re the mom not the child.

    heather’s last blog post..A lovely little thinker, but, a bugger when she’s pissed

  139. Neil says:

    Fascinating. I actually didn’t find the original post that controversial. Like Miss Britt said, she isn’t pro-sex offenders. She was just expressing the rather moderate view that the current definition of a sex offender is so broad that you can’t assume that a person is going to do something horrible just because he is on that list. That makes sense. Isn’t this this the type of compassionate and logical thinking we want our own children to have?

    Neil’s last blog post..Mommybloggers: The Next Generation

  140. Ella says:

    When I was 14 and went to an all girls school, I was flashed on the school bus by an 18 year old student of the all boys school next door.

    A friend of mine on the same bus reported it once we arrived at school, and we went to the school next door and my friend couldn’t identify the student. I did though.

    This post has made me worry a little, that my identification of the guy could have caused him trouble. I really hope he wasn’t put on any lists for it.

    Being Australian I feel fairly confident that we would have been a rational response, well, thats what I will tell myself.

  141. The sad truth is that most child molestation does not take place outside in the front yard. It takes place inside with a close relative.

    This is nothing short of a self-righteous witch hunt and I completely agree with you.

    Incurable Insomniac’s last blog post..Alles, was Sie brauchen, ist Liebe*

  142. Angie says:

    I’m standing up (metaphorically) for you and clapping (metaphorically) like crazy!

  143. Great post, Britt!

    Geeky Tai-Tai’s last blog post..Sometimes We Need A Little Help from Friends

  144. noble pig says:

    Came over from Maggie…wow, I couldn’t agree more. It’s very odd who is listed as a sex offender. I think your job here was well done and informative. Forget the Mom’s group, you don’t need it.

    noble pig’s last blog post..The Continuing Saga of A Tragically, Tragic Love Story of Survival and Loss

  145. SJ says:

    Two hours ago I saw an intriguing link to this, and thought I’d take a quick peek before I went to bed to catch up on my sleep.

    Somebody owes me two hours of sleep.

    But damn, girl, you’re famous all over the blogosphere now!

    SJ’s last blog post..10 Reasons Why My Friends Suck

  146. DaDuck says:

    Holy shit! I can’t believe how bent out of shape people get. And they need to learn to spell before they get all bent. lol

    America does thrive on keeping its’ citizens scared. In my hometown, they tried to get a gay couple registered as sex offenders because they had a statue of David in their front yard and his penis was facing the street! After months of court battles, they turned the statue around.

    Get a new working mommy group or start one of your own.

    DaDuck’s last blog post..This Area Closed

  147. Anonymous says:

    Wow. You’re smart and awesome and I’m glad Maggie, Dammit linked to you. I’ll be back.

    I have a friend from college who is on the list …she happens to be gay…for having a 17 yr old girlfriend at college when she was 20. She’s all grown up now and has a “wife” and kids, but… is a publicly listed sex offender. That’s just not right.

    ALSO…ahem…a close family member of mine was molested as a kid by another family member. Who is not on the list.

    And Seriously? They kicked you out of the group? LOL, but how pathetic? They could not be less awesome. But I think its hilarious that they keep coming back to read the comments.

    YOU, however, rock.

  148. Kat says:

    That anonymous comment up there is me…duh, I clicked submit before filling out the form. I’m tired. Because all the comments took me an hour to read… night.

    Kat’s last blog post..Homeless…high tech

  149. Kat says:

    Oh yeah – one more thing – I was ALSO kicked out of a mommy group, just a couple of months ago. It feels so good, doesn’t it? Like… wow, I guess I was right, I didn’t fit in with those snotty ladies, but, golly-gee, rejection sucks my anus!

    Kat’s last blog post..Homeless…high tech

  150. [...] Britt spoke her mind about the sex offender list and was brutally slapped. High Five Britt for being brave enough to speak what is actually [...]

  151. No way I am reading 150 comments, dude. But great post. I totally agree with you.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..I don’t know which makes me more proud…

  152. Lynsey says:

    Wow, what a crazy reaction to a relatively unassuming post!

  153. Miss Britt says:

    Just Me: I don’t think she’s proposed – lately.

    Karen Sugarpants: man, if it wasn’t for all that DAMN snow!

    NYCWD: LOL – understandable.

    Ok, Where Was I?: I know – ridiculous, right? LOL

    HoosierGirl: thanks babe – I’m OK today.

    heather: yep, exactly.

    Neil: I’m glad to hear it’s not that controversial. When I’ve said this stuff in real life I’ve gotten some very strange reactions.

    Ella: I’m sure there is a lot more you would have heard about it. You can’t be responsible for a law. Plus – you’re Australian? I’m sure it’s fine. Aussies rock!

    Incurable Insomniac: now if only there was some way to detect THAT!

    Angie: :lol: thank you – not at all metaphorically.

    Geeky Tai-Tai: thank you.

    noble pig: I’m glad I got the point across, thanks.

    SJ: two hours, huh? The check is in the mail!

    DaDuck: shit – someone better warn the Italians!!

    Kat: oh my God, I can’t even imagine the LOADS of stereotypes your friend must have to deal with. Jeeeeez.

    Aimee: what? You have other stuff to do?!?! Damn you Aimee! :lol:

    Lynsey: yeahhhhhh…

  154. Scott says:

    Came over via Maggie’s blog. Thank you for intelligently thinking through a sex offender registry. It certainly has an intended purpose, but as you say, pariah’s have made it a list for everyone who doesn’t fit the “normal” sexuality classification. Thanks for being level-headed about this.

    Scott’s last blog post..Who Pulled the Trigger?

  155. Kristin says:

    In any healthy group-including an online community- we should assume that people are operating with good intentions. Or, at least, we should be able to. So ask yourself (Teresa, you shrew)are you putting something out there to make your world a better place, or are you (Teresa, you shrew)putting something out there to do harm (Teresa, you shrew).

    Kristin’s last blog post..This Isn’t Going to End Well

  156. sam says:

    NYCWD: No harm, no foul. Though – a sheep??… I’m afraid of what Avi might do to me if that were true.

    sam’s last blog post..Recounting Some of My Hardest Days

  157. Britt, you have seriously riled up some Mummys and they can be a scary lot! I’m with you on the whole sex offender list thing, it’s the twenty first century scarlet letter. Good luck with the angry mob!

    Chris in Flux’s last blog post..Get it on, rider

  158. Aunt Becky says:

    Hi Britt…I’m Maggie’s aunt. WOW is all that I can think of to say. And WAY TO GO!!!!! And YOU ARE BRILLIANT! And YOU ARE AMAZING! And And..I LOVE YOU! :-)
    Thanks for a great blog on a subject that really needed to be put out there (obviously many thought so!) I am a mother of a 5 year old and yes I went to the sex offender website here and yes I found out there were a couple living in my neighborhood. And yes, I am of course protective of my daughter. But I also am well aware that it takes very little to be on the sex offender list, and I didn’t go running out of the neighborhood because of it. We’ve lived there for almost 3 years…guess what…I’ve never even seen him.
    I’m going to continue visiting your blog. I think you are both hilarious and very interesting! Take care Brit!

  159. Y2K Survivor says:

    Sorry I am at work and should not be checking blogs that defend sex offenders to the point neighborhood Mommies shun you… BUT… (heh heh) recently our local backwoods, hillbilly town passed a law against sagging. You know, where kids wear pants that droop and show their boxers because they think that’s cool. OUR little slice of heaven made this illegal and called it “Indecent Exposure” which… wait for it… IS classified as a SEX CRIME!!! So that pervert holed up in the house at the end of the block and run out of neighborhood after neighborhood, denied job after job because of his place on the National registry… just MIGHT have had droopy drawers.

  160. penelop says:

    Bravo for this post! I too hate fear-mongering, and how it seems to be the prevailing force in our society. You said it all so well.

  161. Sue says:

    Finally the comments open. I tried yesterday but they were closed, so I took them to Maggie’s blog.

    Anyway. I have to point out that in PA (maybe in more states) there is a DIFFERENCE between a “Sex Offender” and a “Violent Sexual Predator” as on their registry site. PA also lists what they were convicted of. They also make you agree that you will not use the information on that site to harrass or discriminate against those who are listed on there. Or something to that affect.

    Sue’s last blog post..I’ll Try Not To Burn the Highlights

  162. Carla says:

    Excellent post. Let’s hear it for The Voice of Reason! Thank you for writing this.

    Carla’s last blog post..Zemanta Delivers Free Images, Keywords and More to Your Browser

  163. Miss Britt says:

    Scott: I’m not naturally a level headed person – but I try when it’s important.

    Kristin: *snort*

    sam: but, you would be cute with a tail and some wool…

    Chris in Flux: yeah, and that Scarlet Letter bit didn’t turn out to be such a great idea either.

    Aunt Becky: wow, huge praise coming from anyone related to Miss Maggie aka THE GENIUS as far as I’m concerned.

    Y2K Survivor: oh don’t EVEN get me started on the absurdity of that law.

    penelop: thank you – the more we talk about not willing to be afraid, the less the fear mongers have a voice.

    Sue: they DO differentiate on our site from “offender” and “predator” as well, which I found very helpful.

    Carla: welcome. :-)

  164. chicken says:

    Wait. It is a MOMMY GROUP that you were kicked out of, right? You weren’t sitting around curing cancer and world hunger, right? I can’t get my head around this. I am sure there is more to Traci’s reason to kick you out of the group, but she will only tell us what she wants us to know…and what will make her look the best. Clearly, she is the better mom (in her mind, and I am sure she is the only one keeping score.) But I am hoping the SUV that she wishes she drove would be a hybrid. A regular SUV is so yesterday…Green is the new mommys group.
    I also LOVE Teresa’s high horse…girl, where did you get that? I want to get me one!

    If it is true that one person decided to kick you out, then the others should take heed…you are what you eat, so to speak. You are probably going to be judged by the company that you keep. If you can allow one woman to speak on behalf of an entire group, I am afraid for you.

    Rock on, Britt.

  165. MammaLoves says:

    Twenty four hours and a gagillion comments later, your original post is still dead on. You’d just miss out on too much in life if you attempted to avoid every danger the world has to offer.

    So glad I clicked over here.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..How He Became Our Son, Part II

  166. ginamonster says:

    I’ve learned that in any group, there is bound to be drama. Sigh. I’m sorry to hear it has happened to yours. I also think, and this is just my thought, that sometimes people are looking for a reason to oust the one that doesn’t fit.

    The sex offender list is interesting. I am not a parent, but I think if I were, it would be an interesting tool. However, I also agree that it’s usually a family member. Or someone that has regular access to your child. Most kids are taught now about “Stranger Danger” I remember the police coming to our school and telling us what to look for. To this day, I am still keeping my eye out for a van with a sunset painted on the side. I do know from experience that the “bad guys” aren’t always turned in. Especially the ones that are family members or close friends.

    So I think that it’s also important not to just talk to your kids, but listen to them too. And watch how they behave. They might ask questions. They might complain of “soreness”. Older kids might become abnormally withdrawn. I think that just as important as paying close attention to your neighbors is paying close attentions to the behaviours of your kids.

    :heartbeat:

    ginamonster’s last blog post..Crap. I didn’t think of that

  167. Mamacita says:

    Wow. Actual child molesters are scum and really ought to be hung upside down until they die, but as a teacher, I am very much aware that many people are labeled as such because of words or deeds that aren’t deserving of a label like that. Teens who break up with a girlfriend are suddenly labeled a sex offender because the disgruntled girl wanted to get even, etc.

    I thought your post was timely and accurate.

    As for your former Mommy Group. . . don’t judge them all by that one. There are other Mommy Groups that are intelligent and reasonable and literate. Let women who are mommies and nothing else band together and get all excited about diarrhea, co-sleeping, pre-schools that require an application before the child is even born, and attachment parenting. People like you deserve something much better.

    Are these the same women who got their panties in a wad when the coffee shop posted a sign that asked people of all ages to use their indoor voices inside the building? Sounds like them.

    Why don’t you join an online Parenting Group? There are many, and while some of them are your former group with internet access, others are made up of interesting, creative, intelligent parents who have lives outside of a Pampers box.

    Mamacita’s last blog post..I Put Ketchup On My Steak. Live With It.

  168. Miss Britt says:

    chicken: maybe I should find the group that tries to cure hunger. Is there such a thing?

    MammaLoves: thank you – I’m glad to know there are lots of other women embracing what life has to offer!

    ginamonster: all of these “tips” are so awesome. I think it’s good too to realize it doesn’t just have to be A Talk with a capital T – but also a constant conversation with your kids.

    Mamacita: my mom and I just discussed this yesterday. I told her it made no sense to me that “all mommy groups” could be ____ fill in the blank. That’s just crazy talk!

  169. Selma says:

    I’ll tell you a little story in support of Britt’s position. My good friend, JD, who I went to University with, had sex at age 16 with his girlfriend who was one day away from being 16 herself. (Age of consent in Australia is 16.) Anyway, her parents found out and had him charged. He was placed on a sex offenders list (which I believe at that stage was not publicly available in Oz) which didn’t affect him until he applied for a teaching job. In Australia, when you apply for any position where you work with children a criminal check is done on you. Anyway, it came up that JD was a ‘sex offender’ and he was not able to get a teaching job. EVER. He was one of the most gifted teachers I have ever seen and I often cry when I think about him being denied the chance to follow what for him was a true vocation.

    20 years later he works in a factory packing spare parts for dishwashers. Incidentally, he had a relationship with ‘the girl’ for 10 years but they split up over her parents refusal to drop the charges.

    I, of course, like every other parent the world over, do not want my child preyed upon by a known sex offender but we must watch the hysteria here. It’s like a witch hunt.

    This is an important post. There are many innocent victims on both sides. My friend JD is not living the life he should because of ill-conceived legislation. It’s a crying shame. Those Mother’s Group people need a kick up the backside. What childish behaviour. Love you Britt. As always!

    Selma’s last blog post..Taking It To The Streets

  170. Frances says:

    Just found this and I have to say I totally hear ya. I just recently left a mommys group for this same type of attitude.

    Love the blog.. will be back for sure!

    Frances’s last blog post..It’s a blah Friday night…

  171. Courtney says:

    In MT, the sexual offender list and the violent offender list are one and the same. What often happens is someone looks at the list, sees that someone lives on their street, and doesn’t bother to look at whether the person is a rapist or got into a bar fight. They’re just assumed to be the former, and get ostracized for it. Seems like BS to me.

    Courtney’s last blog post..Nim’s Island

  172. Aaron says:

    Oh, remember the creep out game. Lord knows I do. :hug:

    Aaron’s last blog post..The Kid In The Helmet…

  173. kapgar says:

    I just say something on TV recently about this very thing. A 17-year-old boy (under the statutory rape age of 18 in this particular state) had sex with his 16-year-old girlfriend. The father freaked out and had him arrested. He was put on the list as a result. However, the father, once he cooled off a bit, said that he never should’ve called, but it was too late. And he even wrote letters and went to court on the kid’s behalf to try to have him removed from the list but to no avail. The state (can’t remember which one) would do nothing to change it.

    This is a fantastic post, BTW. I hope some people take it to heart.

    kapgar’s last blog post..The devil’s in the house of the rising sun…

  174. “Miss Britt Says:
    chicken: maybe I should find the group that tries to cure hunger. Is there such a thing?”

    Here is an amazing organization that is trying to stop hunger while making people self reliant.
    http://www.oneacrefund.org

    As a totally neutral observer to this blog and this particular post, I wanted to share my 2 cents.

    First, Miss Britt was spot on to broaden the discussion of Sex Offender Lists and point out its flaws.

    Second, Miss Britt did offend her Mommy group by relating their discussion to a mob mentality. Most people would take offense at such a comparison.

    Third, in no way did Miss Britt’s “mob mentality” line deserve the angry personal attacks from some members of her Mommy’s group. In particular, Teresa (Your Ex-Mom’s Grp) comment was so far out of line that it made me audibly gasp when I read it. It always saddens me when people are so thoughtless and hurtful.

    Fourth, some of Miss Britt’s blog readers also crossed the line with personal attacks on the Mommy group. The defacto president of the group obviously did kick Miss Britt out of the group over the post (the timing gives it away) but that action still does not deserve the name calling and personal character assassinations from the blog readers. Plus most of the group was not involved in this online discussion and should not be attacked just because we did not hear from them.

    Fifth, Miss Britt, I have huge respect for you and how you handled this ugly insult fest. You stayed calm and above the fray. I always try to do the same in similar situations but I doubt I could have handled it as well as you did.

    Finally, Miss Britt, way to not be afraid to be the lone voice of reason. Often in life you will get attacked for going against the grain, but it’s so much better to be a soloist than part of a choir. You will gain rewarding relationships based upon respect instead of empty relationships based upon superficial congeniality.

    Best wishes to you and your family.

  175. Miss Britt says:

    Selma: oh man, your friend’s story is freaking tragic. Does he teach in some other capacity???

    Frances: I think it’s impressive you had the courage to leave on your own.

    Courtney: thanks for your input.

    Aaron: :lol:

    kapgar: I’m glad to hear it’s been on TV and things like that – it’s good to know at least that the info is getting out there.

    Philosopher Jeff: wow, thank you. That was an excellent assessment of this whole “thing”. I’m impressed you took the time to wade through it all.

  176. [...] you don’t want to read about people voicing their opinions on sex offenders (see: Miss Britt) or see pictures of kiddie poo (see: Sarcastic Mom) or about raising 6 kids in a tiny house (see: [...]

  177. Jennifer says:

    Thank you, a voice of reason. My mother in law and I got into a fight over this because I didn’t know where the sex offenders lived in my neighborhood. I think that we should know and leave it at that. We need to keep living our lives and not be in fear.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..In a funk

  178. Greg says:

    Hi,
    I agree with the facts that not all that are on the OS Reg are pedophils. But I would like to add not all those that are on the OS Reg molested children or even touched children or even inticed children. I was almost 44 years old when I was convicted of sexual assualt of a child under the age of 16. My step daughter abandoned her son at the age of 1 yrs old. My wife and I took him into our house. We already have a son from my wife’s first marriage and we had a daughter between us. Social Services approved my step grandson to stay with us. On day while I was in the bathroom my step grandson fell out of bed. He was crying and opened the door to come in. I huged him and settled him down and sent him out of the bathroom. As I stood up he touched me accidently and I pushed him away. He left a waited for me to come out. I told the police about it and about 1 or 1 1/2 yrs later I was arrested for sexual assualt. I couldnt get an attorney cause I made to much money the prior year and because the place that I worked closed their doors I was unemployed. Because of this I lost my house, my wife lost her job, I lost everything and my wife and I divorced because of her association with me made it impossible to find any type of work. 10 years later, absolutly no indiscretions, Im still looking for stable work. I have a BS in Accounting and Business, an enormous education and experience background – military police officer, legal specialist, etc… Not only am I condemned for life, so is my ex wife and family. What is this world coming to ?

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