100 Things: Part 8

I know you all come here for the depth.

I know. I’m a virtual well of wisdom and emotion.

And that’s why, in my perusal of 100 Fascinating Things About Me, I have gone out of my way to deliver to you tid bits of my soul. My very soul, people.

But today? Today I thought I’d give you a break from the deepness and go completely superficial.

Today, let’s talk about my body.

100 Things About Miss Britt: 10 Things About The Physical Miss Britt

  1. I have little big little deflated boobs. I got boobs in the sixth grade. I thought I had cancer. My mom didn’t get boobs until she was like 30, so it never occurred to her to talk to me about puberty until much, much later. In sixth grade, I was a fucking stud. By the 9th grade? I was the girl with buds where breasts should be. I went away to college and ate too much hormone infused cafeteria food, and came home sporting a D Cup. I was the last to notice. And then? I had children. And those little fuckers bled me – and my boobs – dry. I now walk around with the remnants of water balloons stuffed in my bra. My daughter calls them “boo boos”.

  2. I have two tattoos, that I still love ten years after the fact. When I turned 18, I went a little… um… crazy with the independence thing. I moved out of my parents’ house, pierced my belly button and my tongue, and had two tattoos by my 19th birthday. The belly button and tongue ring are long gone (I just couldn’t picture a tongue stud at a Mommy and Me class), but the tattoos (obviously) remain. I have one on my shoulder blade and one on my hip bone.

  3. Apparently, I have “alternating myopathy” – which is like a lazy eye, but creepier. Basically? I only focus with one eye at a time. So don’t make fun of me for running into shit – I can’t help it my depth perception is fucked. The result is that it looks like I have a lazy eye. Except that the eye that is lazy switches. Think “camera 1, camera 2, camera 1, camera 2″ – without having to close the other eye. Yeah. I was a popular kid. (Do you suppose this answers the “never having had a drink bought for me in a bar” question?)

  4. I have freckles.

    Lots and lots of freckles. Although I’m a blond, I have my mother’s red headed complexion. I don’t tan. I go out into the sun and get more freckles. If I’m lucky, I get enough freckles that they blend together and look like a tan.


  5. I also have funny little birthmarks in various spots on my body. They are kind of like freckles, but a little bigger and more red than the brown of an actual freckle. I have one on my butt and one on my inner thigh. Yes, right there. I also have one on the left side of my face that has been mistaken for a zit. God – I am a moley hottie, aren’t I?

  6. I have Flinstone Feet. Seriously, I could peddle a car all the way to Bedrock with my short, square, pudgy ass feet. They are a size 7 length wise, but I can’t wear anything too strappy because the squareness and the fattiness gets in the way.

  7. My natural hair color is dishwater blond. How flattering is that? “Your hair? Your hair is the color of greasy water with soapy residue. Mmmm.” The only thing good about my hair color is that it’s pretty multi tonal. A friend of mine in high school used to call me Rainbow Brite because there were so many colors – ranging from blond and red to deep brown and a little black. But the predominant hue? A lovely shade of dishwater.

  8. My lips are upside down. Do you know what pouty lips look like? Where the bottom lip kind of sticks out just a smidge? My lips are like that… but backwards. My top lip is bigger than my bottom lip. Kissing me is probably like kissing a gymnast. Upside down.

  9. My body type has been described as “cherubic”. It’s also been called “curvy”, “voluptuous”, and “don’t worry kid, you’ll outgrow that baby fat”. The only bone on my body I’ve ever felt is my chin. On the plus side, it makes me soft.

  10. Speaking of my chin, mine rivals Jay Leno’s. I’m kind of bitter he got famous for his chin. He already had the skunk hair and national TV thing going for him. Couldn’t he leave me The Chin? I’m not exactly sure where I get my chin from – my two brothers have it, but our mother doesn’t (and we have different fathers). I think my grandpa might have had a particularly protruding butt in place of a jawline too. That must be it.

And that’s it! 10 highly superficial things about the otherwise very deep Miss Britt!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to call a therapist.

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  1. avitable says:

    You have a cute butt.

  2. Tori says:

    we need to take back freckles as “sexy”!

  3. you don’t need a therapist, you have us! :heartbeat:

    damn, i think i left a pph over at adam’s place. dammit. i don’t remember. well, even if i did, fact reamains taht i still pph you, too.

    whre was i?

    oh yeah. this post was awesome! and naturally my hair is like yours…ligght blonde, brown, light brown, dark brown, gray, red. i liked red the best. so celebrating my 30th birthday with enough with enough margaritas to drown a mexican, i woke up a redhead, my bff work up really, really dark brown and her couswin went seriously blond. and i kept it. sometimes i don’t tell people that i have help to have this pretty shade o red. which reaminds me, don’t tell adam, k? he likes red. shhhhhhhhhhhh.

    hello haha narf’s last blog post..I See Your BLOGS and Raise You 20 Comments

  4. Stephanie says:

    Britt, I have the multi-tonal hair too, but mine is varying shades of red, auburn and light brown.

    You and your little size 7 feet…try having Fred Flinstone Feet in a size 10!

    <~~~wish I had the balls to get a tattoo.

    Stephanie’s last blog post..Stolen Meme

  5. Angie says:

    I’m w/ Adam. Nice ass.

    I’m glad you got to meet me tonight.

  6. Winter says:

    Don’t sweat the hair. Eventually, it’s all gray. Your kids’ teen years does it naturally. At that time, you will love being a dishwater because the gray won’t really show. All my dishwater co-workers and friends have the best hair. Being a brunette when you’re old sucks. You shall reign supreme!

    Winter’s last blog post..Yes! I Am A Lagger!

  7. Stephanie says:

    Peeee Esssss: Check out my latest post…for shoe whores only!

    Stephanie’s last blog post..It’s a Mother Fuckin’ Shoe Post, Y’All….

  8. Karl says:

    I think your boobs are just fine. I pretty much stared at them the whole time tonight. You know, when you weren’t looking. In fact, you might want to move your upside-down mouth down to your tits. I’d probably pay much more attention to what you were saying that way.

    Karl’s last blog post..Kyra Needs a Roommate for TequilaCon

  9. MsBatman says:

    That whole My lips are upside down thing? Spiderman 3, when Spidey is hanging upside down and MJ kisses him? H-O-T. And well, Jared is a lucky man to have that, and you’re lucky you don’t have to hang upside down for him.

    MsBatman’s last blog post..It’s different now, it’s better, it’s real.

  10. Marissa says:

    I’d have killed for small boobs in high school.

    I’d kill for small boobs now.

    Has Jared ever used the birthmark on your thigh as a place to aim for? I have one that my husband swears is like a private runway light only he can land at.

    He said this, of course, when I was too buzzed to care.

    Marissa’s last blog post..I Am Legend

  11. “Flintstone Feet?” I think they’re more like Hobbit Feet.

    Damn. You’re going to kill me now, right? I should move far, far away, right?

    Hell, hon. You know I’d fuck you.

    Avitable, too! :lol:

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..I’m Outta Here!

  12. Kimberly says:

    Good God woman, we could be twins!

    Kimberly’s last blog post..Looking Forward

  13. Trishk says:

    I have no clue what my original hair color used to be. The memory is a terrible thing to loose.

    I do have a tattoo and my belly button pierced. I could never get into the tongue thing though.

    And, as you know, I paid for my boobs. I like them! :heartbeat:

    I think you are gorgeous!

    Trishk’s last blog post..Earth Hour

  14. Jay says:

    I’m not saying I don’t believe you concerning the birthmarks on the butt and inner thigh, I’m just saying photographic evidence would probably make it easier to visualize. ;-)

    “Kissing me is probably like kissing a gymnast. Upside down.”

    That’s hot!

    Jay’s last blog post..Everybody Wordzzle!

  15. turnbaby says:

    I love my voluptuousness and you sugar are hot.

    And you put awesome shoes on those feet.

    I am working up to getting a tattoo

    turnbaby’s last blog post..If I Were

  16. Buddysnuddys says:

    Great to meet you last night – love the blog.

    I, too, have often wished all my freckles would just unite together and form a tan. Sigh.

  17. You are fascinating! I supposed if you really need a therapist I can refer you to someone. Let’s see….. ;)

  18. Little Miss Sunshine State says:

    So much fun meeting you last night. And you DO put fantastic shoes on your so-not-Flintstone feet.
    I was lusting after your shoes last night. Did you see me staring at them? I can’t wear heels. I have broken-ass feet.

    And how do I get rid of that OpenID Enabled thing?

  19. Tracy Lynn says:

    I like my tattoos, as well, which is a big SCREW YOU to my mom, my fathers and every other bastard who said “You’ll regret those when you’re older.” Double middles to them, I’m thinkin’.

    Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..Post 680: Letter To My Body

  20. Bec says:

    if you’re soft I must be cotton candy clouds type material.

    I also would kill for small boobs. Or at least maim.

  21. Kelley says:

    Britt,

    I have two tattoos too!!!! One on my shoulder blade and one on my hip bone. I do think we were separated at birth, girl! And I LOVE them. I am 45 years old and I got the one on my shoulder blade last summer (a butterfly to signify change in my life). I have never regretted them.

  22. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: that’s true.

    Tori: why – who has them now? Bastards!

    hello: I would have NEVER guessed!

    Stephanie: ooh – see, that is pretty. I love auburn.

    Angie: :lmao: ditto.

    Winter : I think mine will turn white.

    Karl: I thought you were trying to see if my fly was down.

    Damn slipping boobs.

    MsBatman: yeah, they asked me to consult on that scene.

    Marissa: ummmmmmm…..

    no.

    :lmao:

    CMG: I have no hair on them though!!!

    Kimberly: really? cool! I would be the not evil one, of course.

    Trishk: I have too much belly for a ring now.

    Jay: photographic evidence? How flexible do you think I am?!?!

    turnbaby: YOU don’t have a tattoo?? That really surprises me.

    Buddysnuddys: it was great to meet you too. So funny. And not annoyingly talkative.

    On a Limb with Claudia: nah. I’ve got the Internet.

    Little Miss Sunshine State: it was very fun meeting you too!

    Tracy Lynn: if anyone said that to me, I wasn’t listening anyway.

    Bec: mmmmmm – who doesn’t love cotton candy?

    Kelley: the one on my shoulder is a comedy/tragedy mask – to represent Extremes.

  23. Hockeyman says:

    I found your blog through a few common acquaintances and just wanted to say I like your blog and your photos.

    Hockeyman’s last blog post..Water Park

  24. Karl says:

    Well, sure, I was checking your crotch, too. I’m an equal-opportunity pervert. I’d never neglect your crotch or your boobs. Or your ass.

    Karl’s last blog post..Schwinging From the Chandaliers

  25. Creed (Baby Brother) says:

    Britter,

    I’m gonna tell Jared about this Karl guy, and “Spiderman” shall return. You know exactly what I’m talking about too! hahahaha! Just jokin’ Karl

  26. Miss Britt says:

    Hockeyman: thank you!

    Karl: I support EOE.

    Creed: OMG! I forgot about “Spiderman”!!!

    hahahhahahhaa

  27. Poppy says:

    MY LIPS ARE UPSIDE-DOWN TOO!!!!!! :D

  28. Selma says:

    I also am a dishwater blonde. I used to be a platinum blonde when I was a kid, it was quite startling – people used to stop my Mum in the street and ask if I was an albino. It is a relief to not deal with the albino comments any more. By the way, my Mum says in the 60s they called it ‘ash blonde.’

    Selma’s last blog post..HELLO EARTH !

  29. Mindi says:

    Hi there! I found your blog through iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com and I have to say that I love this idea. Would you mind if I steal this format (redesigning the obligatory 100-things page and breaking it down in to 10 posts) for my blog?

    By the way – you are fucking hilarious!

    Mindi’s last blog post..I too have faith…faith that you are an unfit parent.

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