Do you remember when I said that all this company was going to be awesome? And that I could totally handle it? And that I would totally not lose my damned mine because I LOVE PEOPLE!!!???

Heh. That was three guests, 5 trips to the airport, 2 trips to the beach and 2 amusement parks ago.

And I’m only at the half way point.

My brother has come and gone. My dad and step mom left Wednesday. And our old nanny arrived on Tuesday.

I love them all. Love them. Am thrilled that they are visiting.

And also? Am so. fucking. tired. Oh my God do I need a night to go to bed early and get up late.

Thank God for good friends who can step in here.

(Please don’t unsubscribe. I know how it is when a blogger starts using guest post after guest post and you think to yourself “fuck this shit I’ll just go read THEIR blogs then.” But I’ll be back. I swear. Tomorrow even! Oh, wait. Saturday.)
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I am RW. I have been asked to stand in line with some notes at the ready for when the owner of this blog becomes so overwhelmed by her house guests that she can’t make it here and then I am to jump in at a moment’s notice and do a fill-in.

I was just going to pitch right in with one of my usual deals but then it dawned on me that there’s not a lot of you who know who the hell I am so – on the off chance I ever get re-invited to fill in again (which may depend on how this goes over – - ooooo this is just like an audition!) I figured I’d start off by stating some ways I am different than Miss Britt. Just so’s you don’t get us confused were I ever to have this awesome stage again. Then you’ll know me a lot better and come visit me one of these days. And I’d point you there but I forgot my url just now so let’s just go…

(ahem) 27.7 Ways In Which I Am Different Than Miss Britt

1. I am taller than Miss Britt.
2. I have a wart on a finger of my left hand that is older than Miss Britt.
3. I do not have a husband named Jared
3.1 The wart, however, is older than Jared
4. Though we are both in sales, Miss Britt would never sell my body.
5. I can see snow on the ground from here.
6. Miss Britt is a lot better looking than my wart.
7. I cannot vouch for Jared
7.1 Though he also is younger than my wart
8. I would count 6 and 7 as “Ways I Am Different” and Miss Britt would not
9. Miss Britt will open up her veins to her readers at the drop of a hat and the blood will flow and flow and flow until your morbid sense of voyeurism is appeased and, sated, you return to your own little mundane lives secure in the knowledge that you would never let on that life is that fucked up for you and you get to feel all superior and shit. I would never cut open my veins for my readers. Why waste perfectly good vodka?
10. I have a MINI and Miss Britt doesn’t. Ha.
11. I love my wart. Neither Miss Britt or Jared do.
12. Which is why it stays with me. Haha.
13. Miss Britt has somehow found a way to work with Avitable.
13.1 Who happens to be in love with my wart
14. Miss Britt will not even flinch when Avitable suggests making wart porn, while I would. Flinch.
15. How did this get to be about Avitable. Fuck him!
16. No matter what she does in Florida I will always be one hour earlier. Hahaha.
17. Miss Britt would count #15 as one of the ways we are different. I refuse absolutely.
17 Again. (Because I’m not counting #15!) My wart’s name is Jim.
18. We’re over here (we wave)
19. I cannot do leg kicks
19.1 I think Jim can, but I’m not really sure
20. I have never worn a pleated cheerleader’s skirt
20.1 But I have worn a pleated cheerleader
21. Jim is wearing a bowtie
22. I do not give names to things that are not alive.
23. What?
24. I may have run out of Things. Britt has not.
25. The only reason I am making this list is because I couldn’t find a little curly blonde wig to put on my sock puppet Benny the Bookworm for the video I had in mind. Unlike Miss Britt.
25.1 The one Jim had wasn’t big enough, and he’s not as funny as Benny
26. I sometimes sit here looking at the number “26″ and have no idea what to type
27. My granddaughter’s name is Emma. Britt’s isn’t.
27.1 I really had to stretch #27 because I had “27″ written in the title before I actually knew how many there’d be. 27 is a funny number.

(addendum: 27 is a funnier number than, say, 12. 12 is not funny. 27 is funny)

And that’s it. I hope I have introduced myself to you now so that you can pick me out of the crowd next time. I cannot help but view this as my big big chance to impress such a huge audience and maybe give my lackluster career a much needed boost in the yahoo. Wait. Wait. Is that the alarm clock? No. Thank you for your opportunity.