Eight years ago today, two scared kids stood at the front of an overcrowded church and promised, before God and family and friends and their 3 month old baby in a swing in the back, to love, honor and cherish one another forever.
Five years later, those same two people stood at the front of a nearly empty church, in front of God and their parents and grandparents and a priest, and promised that they would continue keeping those vows.
But it is not either of those days that I am drawn to remember today, on my eighth wedding anniversary.
Today my thoughts are consumed with memories of my last anniversary and the stark contrast it is with this one.
Last year on March 11th, we were desperately trying to enjoy our Vegas vacation. I had just seen Prince for the first time and we were spending the evening together amidst a carefully concocted romantic environment.
We would have dinner at a small restaurant in the Paris hotel and ride to the top of the mock Eiffel Tower. As we gazed out over our own City of Lights, my husband would quickly bend down on one knee and present me with my anniversary present – an upgraded diamond set inside my original and newly repaired wedding band. At the end of the night, we would stroll hand in hand back to our suite at Bally’s and spend the night doing what couples do on their anniversary.
It should have been the perfect anniversary.
This year, my little brother is staying with us. In two days, my dad and his wife will be starting their visit. We won’t be heading out for a weekend getaway, or even dinner alone for at least another month. He will be working, as will I, and we will spend the evening at home, laughing and talking and enjoying the time we have left with Creed. We’ll go to bed later than we should, kiss each other goodnight, and snuggle in close as we try to get as much sleep as possible before we both have to get up for work the next morning.
There will be no presents or cards, as we’re planning to gouge into our savings for a pool soon and the rest of our disposable income is being swallowed up by entertaining out of town visitors.
By all accounts, it should be a very unremarkable anniversary.
And yet, in every way that last year’s anniversary was an utter disaster, this year is a triumphant success.
Last year, we both had agreed to ignore the fact that I had pronounced my desire for a divorce less than a month earlier. We were determined to put our disappointment and uncertainty in a Box To Be Dealt With Later and celebrate that, at least, we had made it this far.
This year, there is a new sense of appreciation as we reminisce openly about what we almost lost. It’s impossible to keep the gratitude out of my voice as I replay for him what the last year has meant to me.
Last year, we avoided each other’s gaze over dinner and clumsily held hands across the table. Every time we touched it stung like an insult to past intimate moments. We struggled through the insincerity and pretended not to notice the confusion in one another’s eyes.
Now, I find strength in a quick peck on the top of my head. I close my eyes and soak up the warmth of resting, just for a moment, with my arms around his waist and my cheek against his back while he makes coffee at 6 in the morning. I get lost in the easy comfort of sitting beside him, his presence alone enough to make me feel safe.
There is no pretense needed between us now. When he’s been talking about work for far too long, I can tell him with the assurance that he is trying to hear me. When I remind him that I love him, there is no question in his eyes that he knows this to be true. When we catch each other’s eye across two blond heads that refuse to sit still, there is a shared understanding that we’re in this together. Forever.
Forever.
That word means more now than it did eight years ago. We know better the bitterness of “in good times and in bad”. We know too, our own strength. Our faith is no longer only in a promise made, but in the fight we’ve seen in one another since that vow was taken. Our gratitude has grown from the smugness of youth who have “found” the “right person” into the humble realization that you’ve been given, blessed, with a fortitude of grace and good fortune to survive.
This year we celebrate without candles or lights or jewels. And we remember that it is not the fancy dinners or the elaborate vacations… or anything externally that we carry from year to year with us.
But it is Us. It is the good times, and the bad. It is the ease and the struggle. It is the hope and the promise and the work and the conflict.
And it is you, baby. Always. Forever. It is you.
Happy Anniversary.
I think eight years is the butt sex anniversary.
Oh – you added a photo. Awwwww…….
I think Avi’s right – though I waited till 9.
Happy Buttahversary.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Blog Every Damn Day
i’m thrilled that you two are stronger than you were last year, that you recognize how magnificent you each are. but mostly i love that you see that together you can tackle anything.
even avit and butt sex comments!
happy, happy day, britt and jared.
:heartbeat:
hellohahanarf’s last blog post..Dinner is Served
Aw, you’re making me get all melty and shit. Happy anniversary.
Karl’s last blog post..Laughing on the Outside, Screaming on the Inside
Also, this post is beautiful and if Daren were to read it with me, he would nod his head in appreciation for the same reasons. THough it was the D word of Divorce looming, it was my Depression that took me deeper than I’ve ever been last year. And he pulled me out.
So Happy Anniversary to you two kids.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Blog Every Damn Day
wasn’t* ugh – typos…sorry Britt!
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Why I Don’t Blog Every Damn Day
I think you need to come clean and admit that it was the sight of Jared in a hula skirt and coconut bra at Avitable’s Halloween Party that made you realize you can’t live without the guy. I know it sure made me realize that I can’t live without him!
The happiest of anniversaries to you both!
This is an amazingly beautiful post and I am so happy for the both of you.
You know that your love and the one year difference in things really helps put my current situation into perspective so thank you for that.
Here’s to hoping that next year has Prince AND your Prince Charming of a husband.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Hilly’s last blog post..Snackie’s Confession Booth: March Madness!
That was a very touching and heartfelt post. The pic was just the cherry on top. I’ve been through some rough times with Rott over the past 9 years… but we’re still together and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. And we don’t even have a butt sex anniversary cause we did that on like the second date.
Winter’s last blog post..Marcus Monday Mutterings
Ugh–as I was reading, I was thinking that I would say something about how I thought this was great, but then I read your first comment. Nothing like an Avitable comment to take this in a totally different direction.
I love the title and the honesty (your post, not the comment). Not that I know anything about anniversaries, but this seems a pretty damn good tribute.
Sarah is Ok’s last blog post..Random Fun: Day 2
B/c I’m a pansy and think that I came off as dissing Avitable, I had to add a follow up. I wasn’t. I laughed, as always.
Sarah is Ok’s last blog post..Random Fun: Day 2
Darling, Happy Anniversary to you both. I am so proud of you for so so so many reasons over the last eight years.
I love you!
Britt’s Mom’s last blog post..Stupid Governor Spitzer and His Ilk
You write some of the most beautiful entries – I love you when you’re funny and I love you just as much when you’re serious. Happy Anniversary to you both
Dee’s last blog post..Like a Tiger *grrrrrrr*
Happy happy Anniversary Mr & Mrs Britt, lots of love to you both.
Penelope’s last blog post..Burn baby burn!
Happy anniversary. Forever sounds pretty good to me.
Dan’s last blog post..Dad’s gone to Sainsburys
Oh, how beautiful. I am in tears, here. You are so right. You don’t need all the bells and whistles to show your love for someone, not if it’s real. I am so pleased for both of you. :heartbeat:
Selma’s last blog post..Look At This Stuff. Isn’t It Neat?
Very, very cool. You guys are awesome.
Mr. Fabulous’s last blog post..Kyra loves me, she really loves me!
Wow! That was a great story and I’m exceptionally happy that you were able to find love again in what was almost thrown aside as a dead relationship. It’s so rare in this day and age to see people actually work at working it out and then having it do so. You two should be very proud. It’s a rough path, but with a nice bright light at the other end. Happy anniversary!
kapgar’s last blog post..To that same old place that you laughed about…
Happy Anniversary! :martini:
RW’s last blog post..100/40
avitable: you know how I feel about your obsession with the butthole Avi. Don’t make me say it here.
:nana:
Karen Sugarpants: oh, too bad, we have company. Dang!
hellohahanarf: thanks babe – and yeah, that is definitely something we learned from the move.
Karl: awww, melty is gooood.
Karen Sugarpants: oh yeah, boy do we know that D word all too well too.
Dave2: he does know how to work a grass skirt, this is true.
Hilly: always hope babe. Always hope. :heartbeat:
Winter: I think with 9 years you’re bound to have some rough patches!
Sarah is Ok: dissing Avitable is totally allowed.
And… thank you.
Britt’s Mom: thanks Mom. :love:
Dee: :blush: thank you.
Penelope: Mr. and Mrs. Britt
He loves that! 
Thanks doll!
Dan: me too.
Selma: I have to admit, I have always been a bells and whistles girl. Little things help me get past that all the time.
Mr. Fabulous: which is why you and your awesome wife should move by us. We would be unstoppable!!
kapgar: I have to admit, in the beginning it was mostly him that did the fighting. I was too tired to fight. Thank goodness one of us still had it in them.
RW: :martini: may we make it as far as you have!
I stood there with you that day and I remember it quite vividly! Congratulations on your anniversary. I do remember conversations we had in the beginning of last year and I hope that I was as supportive as you expected me to be!
You made it! You are one of the lucky couples, do you knwo how many of our friends and acquaintances didn’t make it? And yes that includes me! Didn’t we say we were going to cruise together before our twen year anniversaries??? You guys have two more years and we have ten. I’d say we’d better get to planning!
This was really sweet.
And then Avi and Karen had to talk about butt sex. …
Hmm.
Let’s go back to that first line: This was really sweet! And the photo…
happy anniversary! :dunce:
debkitty’s last blog post..Lets Talk About Sex! Part II
You know where I am in my journey with B, and I hope to God we get to this point someday. I am so happy for you guys, you both didn’t get lucky, you were blessed.
Msbatman’s last blog post..The only way to win is to lose
Congratulations to you and Jared.
Nobody™’s last blog post..I`m At A Place Called Vertigo
I am happy for you and jealous at the saame time. You know why…
Honestly, that was lovely.
ADW’s last blog post..Oh no, not Johnny Castle!
Amazing sentiment. You have an awesome way with words Britt.
Wishing you both very Happy Anniversary. :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
Congrats! 8 years is something to be VERY, VERY proud of!
Here’s to another 8, and then some more!
:martini: :martini:
themuttprincess’s last blog post..Financial burn.
OK, now I’m crying. Happy Anniversary. And many, many more.
Finn’s last blog post..100 Things About Me… Part Two
I say just try to make everyday special. so if your anniversary turns out to be a dud of a day, it really doesn’t matter too much. 9 years coming up for me, were having a new child for our anniversary, yay.
maninthekitchen’s last blog post..Sliders anyone?
Great, now you made me cry. At work.
Bitch. :heartbeat:
I hope you have a wonderful anniversary, and MANY MANY more!
sam’s last blog post..From Behind the Facade
*clearing away teardrops from corner of eyes*
Whew!
That was ab-so-lu-te-ly beautifyl, Hon! I so wish me and The Ex could’ve made it like that. God knows I tried but it didn’t work out for us. You are truly blessed for making the attempt and rising out of it victorious, cuz that’s what you did! :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:
DutchBitch’s last blog post..Schiermonnikoog The Thirteenth
Girl! We need to talk. I mean really talk!
Until then congratulations!
Shelli’s last blog post..She’s Back!
Happy Anniversary. We celebrated our 8th at the end of January. It’s all the more precious when you get through some really tough times and come out stronger on the other end, isn’t it?
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..35 years, yo.
Kristin: yep, we did say that. I remember those plans.
And honey, you were 10 times more supportive than I could have expected anyone to be. Thank you for that.
Poppy: yeah, today is a day for ignoring Avi all around I think.
debkitty: thanks babe!
Msbatman: oh boy do I know the point you’re at. Well, minus a little of the drama you’ve got going on. LOL
Nobody™: thank you.
ADW: I know babe, I know. And I hate to think you’re walking in the shoes you are right now. They’re uncomfortable AND fugly.
Rachel: aw, thank you.
themuttprincess: seems to be in this day and age, doesn’t it?
Finn: you’re crying?!? There’s no crying in blogging!
Ok, wait, that’s not true.
maninthekitchen: our daughter was born right before our 5th anniversary. It makes for an interesting celebration.
sam: I don’t know, I think the hormones have to take at least SOME of the blame!
DutchBitch: I have to give Jared the credit for making the attempt. If it had been up to me… well… this post would be very different.
Shelli: any time love. Any. Time.
Sleeping Mommy: yeah, it really is.
What a wonderful post! I can only hope I’m as lucky and find that special someone someday.
craze’s last blog post..MONDAY
Dammit woman, that made me cry. In a good way.
Happy anniversary.
Marissa’s last blog post..She missed out on the common sense dose
Awe! How Sweet. Happy Anniversary!!
Janelle’s last blog post..Too Rich to be Poor- To Poor to be Rich
That’s really sweet. You just can’t have the sweet without the sour.
Happy Anniversary.
You’re such a sweetie. One of these days, we should crack open a case of wine and I’ll tell you about the many ways our lives parallel one another’s.
Congrats on the 8.
xo
Kimberly’s last blog post..First Damn Thing
Lovely. Bless you both!
Laura’s last blog post..State of the Health Address
Okay, you made me cry and while at work!! Shame!! The quieter Anniversary’s always seem to be the best. Even if you do have a household of people!
Happy Anniversary to both of you! Wishing you love and growth for the next 50+ years!
Trishk’s last blog post..Out of the Mouths of Babes
How beautiful.
And I wanted to say thank you for letting us share in the journey a little.
Turnbaby’s last blog post..A Simple Thank You
Most of the time, hell all of the time, I am amazed at your use of words and how you bring them together in a way that does something that not every one is capable of doing.
This marriage thing is a lot like parenting, isn’t it? It can really suck but when it is good it is so, so good.
Happy Anniversary!
Amy’s last blog post..That Oh Shit Moment
There nothing more humbling than realizing that you almost lost or threw away something you have grow to cherish and reappreciate. I am glad that you both are in a better place now.
Not Afraid To Use It’s last blog post..More Money Than Sense
Happy Anniversary, Britt. My own marriage has had it’s ups and downs as well and seems, like yours, to finally be getting peaceful.
Kyra Sutra’s last blog post..ear sex
craze: if that’s what you’re looking for, I hope so too.
Marissa: you people with your crying! I keep going back and reading it going “I don’t understand?!?! I’m not crying!!” LOL
But seriously – thank you.
Janelle:
Undomestic Diva: and aint that a kick in the pants.
Kimberly: there are few things I would love more than to share a case of wine with you – even if you are gorgeous first thing in the morning.
Laura: thank you.
Trishk: just tell your coworkers someone is being crazy on the Internet again. They’ll understand.
Turnbaby: and same to you, really. It’s amazing to have so many wonderful people to share it with.
Amy: marriage is way easier than parenting. You can’t even threaten divorce on your kids!
(Can you?? :eyebrow: )
Not Afraid To Use It: humbling is the perfect word for it.
Kyra Sutra: I’m glad you’re getting your share of the peace too.
Truly, true love can make it through anything, even Vegas. Congratulations
to you both.
Freelanceguru’s last blog post..Why don’t the Germans speak proper English?
Happy Anniversary. May God bless you two always!
Jen’s last blog post..Day 3
So beautiful,Britt. You two are lucky to have each other!
Happy anniversary and may you have many more!
metalmom’s last blog post..No Time For Naps
I know this has probably been said 900 times but congratulations you beautiful beautiful people!
Bec’s last blog post..Impressive?
I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and just love your honesty. But that was just beautiful and it made me cry. Happy Anniversary!
Congrats on your anniversary, sounds like you have found the true meaning of love. I have also learned that when you come close to losing what you have, it becomes even better with the hard it takes to make it work. :heartbeat:
Wow, I was all in an “awwwww” kind of place, and then I read Avi’s and Sugarpants’s comments, and Poof! That was gone.
Anyway, congratulations to you both for making the rewarding decision to stick it out, and may you have many more anniversaries to celebrate together.
Tense Teacher’s last blog post..Full…filling Day
You know, I’ve always wondered how married folks make it work. I realize couples struggle and some come to the brink of divorce…and I never really understood how two people could reel themselves back in towards one another. I have a better idea of how now, after reading this post. Thanks for being so honest and for sharing. And happy anniversary!
sizzle’s last blog post..That’s Not the Way to Do Business
Wow, I have been a reader of your blog for a long time … that was just an amazingly beautiful post.
Divorce is hard. Working it out and coming out stronger – that’s even harder. GREAT for you two, and happy anniversary! :heartbeat:
Damn it Miss Britt, you’ve made me cry. AGAIN!!! That was so romantic in the realist way.
Freelanceguru: love can survive Vegas. Dignity? Well… that’s another post entirely.
Jen: from your lips to God’s ears and all that.
metalmom: especially me.
But don’t tell him I said that.
Bec: well it hasn’t been said to ME 900 times. So, thank you.
Tonz: thank you. And… HI!!
Summer: I don’t know about the true meaning of love – but a better understanding of marriage anyway.
Tense Teacher: yeah, those two know how to work a room, don’t they?
sizzle: I’ve wondered the same thing myself.
CharlieDaniels: aww, thank you. And thanks for commenting!
Melissa: that’s what my mom always said – that divorce would be even harder.
MyWeeWorld: I’m sorry!!
OK, I’m the worst blog friend in the universe. A day late… I’ll be late to my own damned funeral.
OK, ahem. Here goes.
*Sing to the Happy Birthday tune. Please disregard my tone-deafness and the fact I can’t sing for shit.*
Happy Anniversary to you!
Happy Anniversary to you!
Happy Anniversary dear Britt and Jared!
Happy Anniversary to you!
Whew!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Northwest Metro Atlanta’s Foremost Expert on the Tudor Dynasty
So so sweet.
Congratulations on making it through the seven-year itch! I wish you much happiness ahead. It sounds like you two have what it takes for the long haul.
SJ’s last blog post..Food Fight!
What a wonderfully touching and genuine blog post. This is the first time I have stopped in to read your blog and now find myself a keeper of it.
You wrote with such warmth, caring and compassion that it makes me stay.
Treasia’s last blog post..Where did the time go?
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter: you’re the best kind – you SING!
BOSSY:
SJ: at least for today… at least for today. Thank you.
Treasia: oh no. Be careful. It’s not always this warm and touching.
Not usually, in fact. And… HI!!
One of the most touching posts I’ve ever read.
Thank you for letting us take a peek.
Mimi Lenox’s last blog post..Update: It’s Killin’ Me
A very touching post. Well deserving the Blogger of the Day award.
Awww, Britt. This made me cry. How brave of you to share such details with all of us, but more importantly, how wonderful for you to express this important message.
I couldn’t agree with you more. Marriage is not always lovey-dovey and perfect. It does take work. But the rewards are well worth it.
Rob and I will be celebrating our 19th anniversary next month. :heartbeat: And we’ve definitely had our rough patches, too. We married young as well (I was almost 17, he was 21). But I wouldn’t trade any moment of our lives together for the world.
You and Jared make such a beautiful couple, inside and out. Happy (belated) anniversary!
BlondeBlogger’s last blog post..Can You Find My Boobies?
What a fantastic post. There is nothing sweeter in this life – NOTHING – than telling the “aren’t you glad we didn’t get divorced” story. So few people get here where we are. It is sooooo sweet. Happy Anniversary.
Maggie’s last blog post..Letting go.
I’m sorry I missed this. This post is such a testament to the strength of your heart. I admire you and applaud you for your willingness to face the horizon with your eyes open. Everything you want is there – you just have to get a little uncomfortable to get it.
You’re amazing!
Aww. Great post.
I came here from your comment at temporarilyme.com, on her post from roughly the same time as this.
My man & I have been through some rough patches, and were even apart for awhile. But we concluded we were better together than apart, and soon it’ll be 8 years since our first date. Pretty exciting. We ‘finally’ decided to get engaged three weeks ago. ;p
Cheers to you and your mate!