How To Woo Your Wife, The Princess: A Photo Essay

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I have two small children.

And my husband? He has the world’s shittiest work schedule.

And me? I’m kind of a needy, whiny bitch.

All of this is kind of a recipe for a Marriage Disaster, where no one wins and someone just doesn’t feel like it because I’m just freaking tired, OK!?!?!

Ahem. ANYway, we’ve decided to be a little proactive in the Marriage Department and institute Date Night (where we = me and decided = announced that you’re taking me out, so man up.)

Monday Nights
have now become Date Night, because as odd as it sounds that is the night that is the easiest for us to find a sitter and get away for a few hours. We decided to alternate the planning responsibilities where one week is my choice and the next week is his (again, see definitions of for “we” and “decided”), because surely that would make Date Night even more fun for everyone (which is not at all the same as “I am not going to be the only one making a freaking effort, m’kay?”).

I went first and sent us off for a classic Dinner and A Movie evening. Considering we hadn’t seen a movie in a real live theater since Men In Black 2, I figured it would be a good start. Lovely time had by all, even though the movie sucked ass, blah blah blah The End.

Fast forward to this week, and His Choice.

We started the evening at Applebee’s. Because we are classy like that.

2for1

We talked and we laughed and I couldn’t tell you for the life of me what was discussed. But I know it had nothing to do with work, which means it was heavenly.

After dinner, my perfectly romantic husband whisked me away to the next stage of the evening… where any illusions I was clinging to about someday having a reason to wear a Little Black Dress were completely shattered.

shoes

Now, sure, bowling sounds like a fun night. Romantic? No. Something different and fun? OK.

Unless of course you KNOW ME and know that a) I suck ASS at bowling and b) I do not DO things at which I SUCK ASS!

No. Really.

injury

I ripped off my damn fingernail. Half way down my damn finger. Do you have any idea how badly that hurts?? Can you even begin to fathom the humiliation that comes from having to ask the bowling alley manager for a First Aid Kit?!?

Do you have any idea how much that interferes with one’s ability to bowl with any degree of skill??

Allow me to demonstrate.

My husband? With no injury? Bowls like this:

jaredbowling

And then, there’s me, with no fucking thumb nail:

brittbowling

I think I am completely justified in planning a viewing of 27 Dresses for next Monday. And he will buy me popcorn, too.

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  1. avitable says:

    Did you win an award for Sexiest Bowling Stance?

  2. Dave2 says:

    Alright, now I’m pissed. I could never get that good of a photo on my iPhone… as I’ve been complaining about for months. I can only guess this means my iPhone camera is broken. Or maybe I just don’t know how to use it. But mostly because it’s broken.

  3. Lisa says:

    I’m not sure what Dave is complaining about. I’ve seen his iPhone pics and they look fine. My iPhone pics come out fine. Does he need glasses?

    Date night? Would that mean I’d have to go out with my husband and talk to him? Could I go out with someone else? Oh, that would be wrong.

    Well, I’m glad you and your husband are able to find time for each other. We can’t seem to do that here.

  4. Lisa says:

    By the way, I think your blog is still jacked up. I got all kinds of WP database errors after I submitted my comments. Did you upgrade or something? That happened to me after I upgraded and I lost everything because I forgot to back up my entries.

  5. Mel says:

    I thought you sent me that email cuz you loved me!! Wah.

    My hubby has an awful schedule too, we try to get out once a month. My kids are grown so its easier for us but we dont do it often enough thats for sure!

    Oh, what movie sucked??

  6. Kimberly says:

    Cute. But what are you doing with your elbow?

  7. NYCWD says:

    Your husband’s excellent bowling skills has nothing to do with fingernails. He used an orange bowling ball.

    He is my hero. :rock:

  8. Hilly says:

    I love your bowling stance (not to be confused with your “blowing stance” which is what this would have said had I not corrected the typo at the last moment). ;)

  9. avitable says:

    Hilly, her blowing stance is probably standing straight up with her hand out, finger shaking “no” and an angry look on her face. :lmfao:

  10. Kristin says:

    BAHHHHH HHHAAAAHHHHAAAA! You and bowling?! I would have paid to see that! And yeah 27 dresses sounds like a good plan to me. I am dying to see that!

  11. Miss Britt says:

    This is me testing…

  12. avitable says:

    Why is your blog in Turkish now?

  13. DeannaBanana says:

    Still looks like fun to me! I’d settle for my husband even mixing me a drink in our own kitchen. Like, as opposed to dropping his dirty socks on the floor. Hell, who am I kidding? I’d settle for a glass of tap water!

  14. Shelli says:

    I have done that with my finger nail. It hurts like fucking hell. I am surprised you could keep bowling. I would have gone to the emergency room. ;)

  15. Finn says:

    Ouch on the fingernail; don’t feel bad, I’ve done it too.

    27 Dresses? We have to be able to do better than that… how about mani/pedis? And facials!

    No, not THAT kind. Unless you like that sort of thing. :yuck:

  16. Jay says:

    I can’t believe ANYONE could EVER do ANYTHING so terrible that it would result in having to sit through 27 Dresses.

    Why didn’t you ask for the little blow up bumpers on each side of the lane? No gutter balls that way! ;-)

    hehe .. I said “balls.”

  17. hellohahanarf says:

    your husband got you to play with balls on his date. awesome!

    bowling ain’t so bad. although i did buy my own shoes since i have feet issues and can’t wear those things that just any ole one can put their feet in. blech! (note: we are SO not going bowling when i am there. pleeeeze. thank you.)

    so, what movie did you pick that sucked ass for the first date night? don’t even say the new rambo coz i haven’t seen it yet and i love me some rambo. (yes, i swear i am a girl. i have boobs. and estrogen. promise.)

  18. Y2K Survivor says:

    Sheeesh you completely missed the fuggin point there Miss Britt! Mr. Britt took you to the Bowling Alley as a subtle way of suggesting you beef up your Kegels by using bowling balls as counter-weights. Yes, using his mighty man-brain, Mr. Britt is setting the stage of years of future romantic “date nights” where he gets you hammered on two for one drink specials and a special trip to the parking lot to “let off a little steam.”

    Warning: Do not beef up the muscle beyond the 9 pound point. Remember: “bruise but don’t break.”

    p.s. Mr. Britt is now my hero. Sheer Genius!

  19. It doesn’t get anymore romantic than bowling, except maybe cow tipping. I just wish we could go out without the kids I don’t care where we go or what we do.

  20. Sheila says:

    :ohgreatone: 27 Dresses. Do it. He totally deserves it. :evil:

  21. Damn, girl, I’d totally smack that! Tell the hubby that next Monday is MY date night with you!

    Could the 2-for-1 drinks have anything to do with said bowling stance and broken fingernail? Hmmmm?

    27 Dresses? Screw that. Take the boy out for a manicure/pedicure!

  22. Your bowling stance shows how good you really are.

    :nana:

  23. Rachel says:

    :doh: :doh:

    OK…now that I have mascara running down my face…I have to get to a meeting.

    Between the post and all the responses I just laughed my arse off. Very entertaining!!

    I’m guessing you should be planning all future date nights :)

  24. Bec says:

    Bowling. Ugh. The last time my friends some people I used to know took my bowling I got to know that the barman was called Carl and he wanted to be a vet but had never found the confidence to go to college.

  25. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: probably.

    Dave2: they aren’t all from the iPhone. The ones of the drink are from my camera.

    Lisa: we haven’t done much of it in the past year, which is why we had to go out of our way to add it to the schedule.

    Mel: I Am Legend.

    Mr. Fab: I knowz it!

    Kimberly: ummm… making it hook? :dunno:

    NYCWD: and I used a pink one. Go figure.

    Hilly: avitable’s right. My stance on that is pretty much “you should have thought of that before you proposed.”

    avitable: we can’t all be the blow job queen that you are.

    Kristin: me too! LOVE Katherine Heigel!

    DeannaBanana: it was actually very fun. Aside from the searing pain of losing my finger nail.

    Shelli: yeah, I’m tough like that. Soldiering on and what not.

    Finn: I don’t want him there when I’m getting a mani/pedi – those are for ME time!

    Jay: I don’t know. I definitely should have!

    hellohahanarf: it was I Am Legend. And no, he’s not. I teased him mercilessly, but it was actually very fun.

    Y2K: boy did THAT plan backfire! I was far too wounded to do anything!

    themaninthekitchen: I found my sitter on craigslist, if that helps.

    Sheila: he’ll probably love it too, he’s such a girl sometimes. ;-)

    CMG: you’d have to in order to move that big ass thing out of your way! LOL

    themuttprincess: obviously.

    Rachel: I’m glad I could ruin your makeup. :D

    Bec: and did you give Carl the confidence he needed to turn his life around? :eyebrow:

  26. Crys says:

    i saw your booty

  27. Trishk says:

    Bowling isn’t that bad. I go for any excuse to drink. The only sucky part is you can’t smoke in the bowling alley anymore.

    But, I think you should schedule massage and waxing for Mr. Britt. You get the massage, he gets the waxing!! :angel:

  28. greg t says:

    You were right as usual. You will whine about anything. at least he tried…

  29. Miss Britt says:

    Crys: it was hard to miss.

    Trishk: yeah, lol, he was pretty pissed bout the non-smoking bowling alley.

    greg t: you know, I would be offended. But I take comfort in the fact that a) this post was funny and b) well… yeah… that’s enough for me.

  30. AmyD says:

    No video? Just pictures? Pfft, some phone YOU have. :nana:

  31. What I’m wondering is how the next patron will feel when they stick their finger into that ball’s hole and find your bloody stub still in there. heh

  32. Aunt Robin says:

    Well…so did he get lucky, or what? We want details!

    :wink:

  33. DutchBitch says:

    Well, at least your ass looks hot when bowling… something I’ve never achieved… I think…

  34. Every day that involves a Miss Britt photo essay is a good day indeed.

  35. CP says:

    You look like you were ready to take it up the ass, mah love. That is what date night is all about in my opinion.

  36. Eh, there is nothing on craigslist around here. Moving back to Missouri soon to be near normal family. Maybe then we will have someone.

  37. MyWeeWorld says:

    Oh my gosh, I’m laughing my ass off. That is the cutest bowling stance in the history of ever.

    My high score in bowling is 37. Beat that bitches! I refuse to play with those silly gutter balloons though, so at least I’m brave in my sucky efforts.

  38. Mrs RW says:

    Date night is essential to a happy – or at lest – not miserable marriage. When we were younger we couldn’t afford a whole night so we settled for drinks every Wednesday. Yeah, I know, it would have been cheaper to drink at home, but when you’re not at home you have to actually talk to EACH OTHER!

    The first few “dates” were pretty awkward. We struggled to find something to talk about (which only proved how bad we needed these little interludes) but eventually we actually had conversations that didn’t revolve around the kids, work or the house.

    I highly recommend this practice for every married couple. Good for you for insisting (oh, I mean, suggesting) this idea to Mr. Britt.

  39. Selma says:

    Your bowling stance looks similar to mine. Do you grunt as you release the ball? I find it to be very effective, sort of like a little turbo boost. Sorry about the nail. Ouch!

  40. turnbaby says:

    So glad you had fun sugar.

    And a date is a date I say.

    Romantic moments that happen on their own are my favorite–’staged’ ones just take all of that special spark out of it for me ;-)

  41. Amber says:

    Hee! I ALWAYS injure myself at bowling. And I try to NEVER go bowling, because I, too, totally suck at it. Where I live, though, you can pretty much guarantee that any time a group of people need to arrange to spend time together, all they’ll be able to come up with is bowling. (WHAT’S WRONG WITH DRINKING?) Seriously, it got so bad, I now own my very own bowling shoes.

  42. Sybil Law says:

    Bowling sucks.
    Shoulda stayed at Applebees.
    I am pretty sure that’s the first time I’ve ever recommended that!
    You crack me up.
    Hope your finger’s better!

  43. Lynda says:

    My husband and I need better date nights. We tend to just go out to dinner.

  44. Cranky Sarah says:

    I’m reading this while my kids are still awake after not being able to play outside due to storms and after a late nap. Just moments before this my 4yo daughter told me she was marrying “Bob Jr. but not the other Bob Jr.”
    Me: Why aren’t you marrying the other Bob Jr.?
    Her: Because he doesn’t like beautiful or handsome things and he does like BOWLING!
    I think you might agree with her reasoning.

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