I wonder if I can get arrested for this

Tuesday, December 18th, 2007

So, I went to the doctor yesterday.

Although honestly, I use the term “doctor” very loosely. A very nice drug dealer would probably be more appropriate.

I sat in that little room with my husband absolutely terrified. I’m not sure of what. I guess I was afraid that they wouldn’t help, that they wouldn’t believe me. The idea of having to explain to someone what was “wrong with me” was overwhelmingly.

She walked in the room and asked, “why are you here?” I tried the best I could to put it into words, because “I’m depressed” sounded so – not right. I didn’t want to sound like I had diagnosed myself. I wanted to tell her what I was feeling and have her diagnose me. I needed her to tell me it wasn’t all in my head – that I wasn’t overreacting or being over dramatic. I started to cry.

“So, you want me to give you some medication for this?”

Um. OK. I probably should have been thrilled. I wanted help. This is what I wanted – a little pill that would make it all go away. But instead of feeling like I was facing my problems and working on a solution, I felt like I was standing before a vending machine throwing one old wives’ tale remedy after another at it.

She wrote on her clipboard and got up as if she was getting ready to leave.

“Wait, wait. How do you know what kind of medicine to give me? Aren’t there different kinds of anti-depressants? What about the attacks I’m having now? I can’t live like this for another four weeks – are there short term options? What about side effects? Shouldn’t you be telling me about side effects?”

In roughly five minutes I was on my out of the little white room. I had two prescriptions in hand, two sample bottles, and a half-assed assurance that “I don’t think there’s any side effects for that one – the other one will make you drowsy probably.” My head was spinning and I felt like something had just gone by a lot faster than it should have and not at all the way it was supposed to.

We got in the car and my husband suggested I find a new doctor, but commended me for finding a dealer so easily.

I should be relieved. I have a two week sample of Cymbalta and 20 tablets of Xanax (well, generic Xanax because that’s how I roll). I have a prescription for 6 months of the Cymbalata “if it works out”.

I should be relieved. But I’m kind of disappointed. I’m wishing my husband hadn’t been there because I feel like now he can see that this is all in my head. He has proof now that pretty much anyone can walk into a doctor and say “give me this” and they’ll scrawl their name on a script and send you on your way for the low, low cost of $35.

Blech.

On the bright side – I’ve got the drugs. Hopefully this will help. And while I don’t really want to take Xanax (it will make you sleepy – oh, that’s lovely, since my preferred coping mechanism is to go to fucking sleep!) – at least I know I have it. If it gets really, really bad – I have something I can hang on to.

I woke up Saturday morning with the weight of the world and a disappointing trip to Disney on my shoulders. And I told myself “you just have to get through this day. Just get through the next 20 minutes for the rest of the day.” I promised myself if I would just get that far that by Monday, I wouldn’t have to hang on by myself any longer.

And yeah, it may have come in the form of a nice Latina drug dealer instead of a warm and comforting consultation. But I made it through Saturday. And I’ve got something, if not everything I’d wished for.

I have hope.

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  1. avitable says:

    Was she a Crip or a Blood?

  2. MsFreud says:

    Holy Shit Brit… you just reminded me of why I love my shrink. :doh:
    NEVER NEVER see a general practitioner for mental issues. NEVER. They don’t know how the meds work, what they do, or how you will react. Not that finding a good combo of meds, or a good doc is easy, but I would seriously look into a referral from your insurance company to a Psychiatrist. Sounds like your GP is a quack.
    Seeing a family doc for special issues is BAD- not gonna let mine do a pelvic exam on me right after he just handled little Timmy’s sniffles in the next room.

  3. Angel says:

    I sent you an e-mail about the possible side effects of Cymbalta. I’m glad that you’ve got meds, and I’m praying that they work well. :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  4. Gecko Rock says:

    Forty is the new thirty, orange is the new black, and xanax is the new valium. I still prefer rum.

  5. Dan says:

    Don’t take the Xanax for more than a few weeks (maybe three or four) as it can become addictive and it will also stop working as well. If you can, only use it when you need it (i.e high levels of anxiety). but you only have 20 tablets so that’s ok.

    Cymbalta is as good as any antidepressant. We tend to use Mirtazapine a lot, but every psychiatrist has their favorite. If you don’t feel it’s made a difference in 4 – 5 weeks then talk to someone about getting it switched.

  6. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Cymbalta is what I take, and it works GREAT for me. I had tried a few others previously. I wouldn’t be without it.

    The thing is, once you get used to taking it, though, don’t forget to take it.

  7. Britt: There are two types of psychiatrists out there.

    the bad kind have a practice where they farm people in and out every 15 minutes, the psych never sees you, and only their PA sees you. They give you scripts and send you on your way. Stay AWAY from those places.

    The other type of psych is the one you want; your first visit is for 2 – 2.5 hours, and is extremely expensive. They take a history, ask you all sorts of questions, and THEY determine what’s going on with you.

    The good news is that you were given two good meds;

    1. Cymbalta: I have been in it for quite some time. Since I am bipolar, and have been for 25 years, I have been on all anti-depressants out there including MAOIs and Tricyclics (dont’ ask if you don’t know).

    2. Xanax: I have used this for years for anxiety. Now, I am not addicted. I rarely take it and when I do, it’s very small quantities. In fact, I have so much Xanax built out from scripts over the years that it’s sad.

    The next problem that you have is that NO reputable psychiatrist would EVER give a patient a six month supply of ANYTHING, even if they were stable and good to go. The reason for this is because it is easy to use the medication to overdose and commit suicide. Secondly, I would be interested to know what dosage of Xanax that they gave you. They should have started you on .25 mg, and allowed you to take up to .5 mg at first. They should have scheduled a follow-up appointment in two weeks, and then four weeks, and then it should be monthly until you are completely stable. After that, it could be anywhere from six weeks to three months. But NEVER six months.

    Dispensing medication so easily, like you said, can have serious side effects. It is quite clear that you do suffer from unipolar depression, but let me give you a few examples of why NOT to go to those places:

    1. A schizophrenic is a first time visitor to a psychiatrist. He/she exhibits symptoms of depression, but is not having any hallucinatory experiences, since his/her dopamine levels are fine. The psychiatrist prescribes Wellbutrin, which works specifically on dopamine. All of a sudden, the schizo’s dopamine levels are through the roof, and he is admitted to the state hospital, loses his job because of his hallucinations, all because of a shitty-ass psych.

    I could go on and on. I have been dealing with the mental health industry for 25 years. I have had the shittiest psychiatrist, and maybe one or two good ones. 99% of psychiatrists out there SUCK. And the ones that are any good do NOT take insurance. Please take this from an expert; find one that does not take insurance. That’s your best bet.

    Oh, and if you are seeing a general practitioner for your depression; don’t. See a psych. But take the cymbalta anyway.

    **NOTE: I am not a doctor. I am just a fucked up bipolar that has been successfully medicated for about 25 years… So nothing I say above has any “real” medical value.

    Yeah, right.

  8. RW says:

    The real purpose of these meds isn’t to “cure” anything, it is just to return your chemistry to balance so that you yourself can get on top of things. Part of what you’re saying still sounds like this is your fault. It isn’t. You take an antibiotic to HELP the body fight an infection, not to do all the work in place of the body. It’s the same thing with these.

  9. Lin says:

    Seriously, FIND A NEW DOCTOR. I would love to write somethign very amusing about the drugs, etc. but please allow me to impart some hard-earned wisdom: FIND A NEW DOCTOR FAST!!!! QUICKLY!! ASAP.

    Do NOT start the Xanax if you’re at all the type to get addicted to stuff. Xanax is evil. Oh sure it FEELS good.. but trust me.

    Cymbalta is more designed for people with pain associated with depression. Physical pain.

    To just throw a pill or two at you is so irresponsible. What if some talk therapy would work. Not the kind where you blog, we give you feedback and all is well..or not well.

    So.. yeah.. as a long time sufferer of depression and being on nearly ever antidepressant known to man and dog, please seek another doctor. Please.. ok, thanks.

    Oh my email is on your little “Leave a Reply” thing.. you can email me. I’m honestly wise about this situation.Honest, I am.

  10. Lin says:

    Uh yeah I forgot to add.. if money is stressing you out this time of year — SELL THE XANAX. Yup, you’ll make tons on that. Think of all the sparklie bows you could buy your dear, sweet daughter w/the ill gotten gains. :clap:

  11. ADW says:

    Bunny Bear, go get a new doctor and not La Polla Loca. That is an extremely negligent way to practice medicine. It’s just my opinion, but I think you need someone who is more interested in healing your heart and soul than getting you drugged up.

    On a more positive note, you are my new hero. You are doing something that I haven’t been able to bring myself to do yet. I am sending lots of love and Christmas cookies your way. (=

  12. T says:

    Not going to preach, not going to give advice but am going to speak from experience. The drugs don’t work. They are a good crutch to get you stable but in the long run(and there will be a long run because it will be nice to feel “normal” for a change) they won’t. You’ll lose your edge in other places, you’ll become angrier than usual, you’ll be out of control. You won’t be “you”. You’re family will notice it, your friends will notice it and you will be the last one. I was on antidepressants for 4 years. It nearly cost me my wife, my job, my life. I used the drugs so that I wouldn’t feel, which is what they are good at. I got lazy and didn’t take care of the problems when I stabilized. If I were to advise anything it would be to use the drugs to get stable (stay away from the xanax as sleeping won’t help) and try to figure out what’s going on. Make real changes. Then get off the drugs as QUICKLY as possible. Also your husband is right…..find a new doctor…QUICKLY.

  13. sam says:

    Ugh. I hate when doctors just brush us off like “just another prescription. No one wants to TALK about feelings or problems anymore, they just wanna push a script in our faces and move along to the next patient. It’s heart-wrenching for those of us that depend on them to HELP us.

    I started on Effexor about 1 year ago – funny… spell checker doesn’t like Effexor and recommended Exorcist instead…

    So the drugs. I started on them only because I was constantly fighting with my husband and have little to no patience with my one year old. My life has changed considerably now and I’m happier (unless you’re reading my latest entires), have more tolerance and patience which has been HUGE for me.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that drugs may seem like the easy way out, but sometimes they are the best remedy.

    I hope things improve and you find a dealer *ahem* that you’re confident in.

  14. Turnbaby says:

    Sweetie–find a decent doc. It sounds like Jared was unimpressed with her as well and it also sounds like he’s not assuming it’s in your head if he said that right up front.

    Cymbalta may work well but it seems to me you also want and need to ‘be heard’ and that part of it may be just as important for you. You won’t know unless you have someone who lets you talk.

  15. Selma says:

    It’s awful how dismissive some doctors can be when it comes to depression. If you find the anti-depressants work for you that is great but I’d also recommend light exercise like walking. I’ve found it to be very beneficial. And talk. Don’t keep things bottled up. Some people will feel awkward when you mention you’re depressed, but others will be extremely supportive and willing to help. You’re not alone, remember that. I’m sure I speak for all of your blogging mates when I say that we are here for you!

  16. jflins says:

    I thought abortion was controversial…

  17. debkitty says:

    Xanax? Sweet heart I love Xanax. I love it way too much. It is highly addictive and can cause serious problems when you try and get off it.

    Don’t take it. Please.

  18. Oh, so dump that doc. Find yourself a psychiatrist/psychologist combo. I saw my psychologist (a Ph.D.-counselor) once a week. It was her job to help me work through my problems. She kept her partner, a psychiatrist/M.D. apprised of my counseling. Once a month, I consulted with him and based on my sessions with the psychologist, he would prescribe me an antidepressant to help balance those pesky serotonin levels while working through my problems.

    I agree that hubby shouldn’t have been there. I mean, maybe to drive you, wait in the waiting room, and pat you on the back on the way home, but not in the room with you with the doctor. If you have issues with him that need working out, wait until you’ve gone to the psychologist/counselor a few times before taking him back.

    Good on you for making that first step! Keep it up! :heartbeat: + :martini: = :sex014:

  19. Mom says:

    OK OK OK – I know this is rude and insensitive but really, it’s funny.

    So – several several years ago I was right where Miss Britt was and got in to see this psychiatrist quickly based on my saying that he “would be preventing an emergency admission”. Heh.

    So, I go in there. I knew what I wanted. Knew what to say. Got my prescription and walked out.

    Never saw him again. Because MY PSYCHIATRIST COMMITTED SUICIDE! For DEPRESSION!

    Jesus Christ Holy Mother of God!

    I thought, wow. Hope he wasn’t taking what I’m taking.

    (OK – not funny if you’re a compassionate person. Funny in a, you know, if Seinfeld said it in his act way.)

  20. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Um…Britt? I have an issue. We need to talk.

    I think I am developing feelings for your mom :heartbeat:

  21. Hilly says:

    Wow, first of all yes…find a new doctor!!! What the hell? The doctor should at least ask and answer a few fucking questions.

    Yanno, I am an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety pill expert as I have been on something for about 10 years. I just look at it now as another pill to take for my brain and don’t even think of it as my psycho meds anymore. My brain is unbalanced, dammit ;) . Anyway point here…if you need to talk about it ever, email me!

    And I agree with what everyone said about the Xanax…I love the stuff but have to only take it when I really need it or I get all hooked.

  22. Miss Britt says:

    avitable: I think she was Spanish – what’s that?

    MsFreud: ideally – yes. But I have shitty insurance that covers primary care providers better than “specialists”. And this was the fastest way I could get some kind of help. Thank god for WebMD! LOL

    Angel: thanks sweetie!

    Gecko Rock: yeah, I had kind of heard that about Xanax.

    Dan: yep, that was my plan. The Xanax is just for emergencies as needed – and I only have 20.

    Mr. Fab: well thanks for some possibly GOOD news! lol

    The Absurdist: the Xanax is .25 tablets. Thank God because I don’t handle narcotics of any kind well anyway, LOL.

    RW: you’re absolutely right, and I’m hoping these can just get me to some kind of even keel again where I’m capable of actually taking other steps.

    Lin: actually, that’s why I requested the Cymbalta, because of it’s ability to address physical symptoms like constant pain. I guess we’ll see.

    ADW: yeah, finding a new doctor is definitely on my list of things to do.

    Hopefully the cymbalta will give me enough strength to look at the list. :wink:

    T: I don’t think it’s fair to dismiss the use of anti-depressants for everyone. I know that they have helped people – and I also know that they aren’t right for some people.

    I appreciate the input.

    sam: yeah, I feel bad for anyone who walked in there without having done the research, etc. that I had.

    Turnbaby: thanks babe. :-)

    Selma: my hope is that the meds will get me to a place where I CAN take other steps like walking, etc. I know it’s just a part of an overall solution – but I think it’s an important part at this point.

    jflins: LOL, yeah, no shit.

    debkitty: I haven’t taken any yet, and I do know it can be seriously addictive. But I also know driving your car into a wall can be dangerous – and if push comes to shove, it helps to know there is another option.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter: I was hoping he would be able to learn something about all of this by going with me. :rolleyes:

    Mom: luckily, I am not a compassionate person. LOL

    Mr. Fab: she has that effect on people. Although I should warn you – she’s not NEAR as nice as Mrs. Fab or HALF as funny as ME! :evil:

    Hilly: yeah, definitely only as needed is the plan.

  23. Finn says:

    You probably should have seen a psychiatrist, but there’s still time for that. See how the trial goes for you and then see if you need a different doctor. My internist gave me the prescription and it worked fine. Mister needed a psychiatrist to put him on a cocktail to help him. Everyone’s different.

    I don’t have anxiety, so no Xanax for me, but I have experience with both Mister and my Mom. Take only as needed (half a pill works too if you’re not really bad).

    As for the Cymbalta, read the side effects stuff. A lot of anti-depressants may have sexual side effects (hard to um, finish?) and may cause drowsiness. What worked for me on all counts was to take the pill before bed rather than in the morning. You’re asleep when the stuff first hits your system. I have no problems…

    And I :heartbeat: Mom too!

  24. turnbaby says:

    Britt’s Mom–you RAWK!!

  25. Tug says:

    We got in the car and my husband suggested I find a new doctor

    Sounds to me like he knows it’s not in your head, and it’s good that he was there… Hang in there, find a new doctor.

    Much luck.

  26. I am on 3 different meds for my depression and panic attacks. I haven’t found much relief yet.

    Wishing you the best!

  27. metalmom says:

    I found that I was depressed without a reason. It turned out to be a hormonal thing but it was still balanced by drugs. I feel great physically and mentally.(Happier than I have been in a long time) What changed in my life or routine? NOTHING!So you see, sometimes it’s not ‘all in your head’ or something desperately sad going on in your life. We can all give advice or tell you about the dangers of meds(as if you didn’t know before taking them) but only YOU know what is really going on inside your cute little brain!

    Good luck! :hug:

  28. Krystle says:

    I’m glad you have gotten meds now… I went through a period in 2006 after I had a miscarriage when I spiraled out of control with anxiety and depression. I was put on Citalopram (generic for Celexa) – 10 mg but wasn’t effective and then 20 mg for 6 months and I absolutely loved the drug. When I went in to get “help”, I too got in the little white room, and anxiously waited for the doctor… she came in, I was shaking, because I was nervous (like you) on how to explain to her my feelings instead of it coming out as, “I’m depressed, and have horrendous anxiety, give me drugs.” …She asked me what I was here for, and I started to explain and almost instantaneously I had a stream of tears running down my cheeks. She got the hint, talked to me, offered me a counselor and gave me some drugs and sent me on my way.

    Thank GOD, they have drugs. Thaaaaaaank GOD. I hope everything works well for you… My mom was on Xanax after her sister and brother-in-law were killed by my cousin (long story… want details, email me.. ha!), more as a sleep aid – but it did wonders for her.

    Anyways, thinking about you and hoping everything turns out smoothly. You know you have something wrong when people tell you it will get better and your response is, “Well, I won’t be here in a little while anyway…”

    Been there, Done that. A couple times, and it sucked.

  29. AmyD says:

    Fab – we need to talk, I think I totally have feelings for you and Britt’s mom now. :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

    And, Britt’s Mom – :lmfao: :lmfao: :lmfao:

    Not in poor taste… very funny. But, then I love Seinfeld.

    Britt… uh… hmmm… well… uh. Take a pill, go buy some shoes and call me in the morning. :wink:

  30. wafelenbak says:

    *sigh*
    I don’t want to give you any advice because it looks like you are inundated with it, so I will only tell you about my own experience.
    I was diagnosed with both Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. Two ends of the same seratonin spectrum. And it definitely runs in the family.
    I tried two different medications before I settled on Zoloft. Like birth control or a good pair of jeans, it takes time to find the right fit. That was 7 years ago, and I function just fine. I have only ever seen a family physician and sometimes a therapist.
    Around this time two years ago, my doc gave me a small prescription dose of Xanax to “take the edge off” the holiday season. I just got another prescription for the same last week because of all the same symptoms. I have never been addicted to Xanax, because truthfully, if I take anymore than the minimum dose I can’t function. A little bit just feels like some good wine. :)
    All that said, I have an extraordinary doctor who ran bloodwork the first time, looks at patterns in my chart, and actually talked to me about the stresses in his own family this time of year. (and that he prescribes a lot of antidepressents and Xanax this time of year)
    So, do I think your doctor prescribed you inappropriately? No. But I do think a doctor with a much better bedside manner is in order.

  31. hellohahanarf says:

    i know nothing of these types of drugs. however it sure as hell didn’t seem like that doctor knows too much about it either (wtf is “i don’t think there’s any side effects for that one” bullshit??!?! rrrrrrrrr!).

    sorry that i have no advice for you. just lots of hugs and prayers and well wishes.

    :hug:
    :heartbeat:

  32. Miss Britt says:

    Finn: yep, luckily there is plenty of information on the side effects that I can access without a doctor.

    turnbaby: LOL

    avitable: oh, of course!

    Tug: thanks babe. :-)

    PP: yuck, I hope YOU are able to find something that works for you too!

    metalmom: :hug:

    Krystle: yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever cried in a doctor’s office before – except when they told me I was pregnant. LOL

    AmyD: buy shoes you mean Christmas presents, right?

    wafelenbak: yeah, I think better bed side manner would go a long ways with me.

    hellohahanarf: your hugs are much more useful than advice at this point. :wink:

  33. Kim Ayres says:

    As someone who has wrestled with depression on and off for most of my adult life, there are 2 things you need to know.

    1. Many anti-depressants can make you feel worse before you feel better. You need to know that you have to keep taking them for 6-8 weeks before they become properly effective.

    2. As someone above said, they are not necessarily a “cure” but a rebalancing of chemicals in the brain. If the only reason you were suffering depression is because of the imbalance, then all well and good. Otherwise, you have to recognise that the “cause” of your depression has not gone away. The tablets will give you the space to be able to revaluate your life and what’s led you to where you are.

    I wish you all the best

  34. I don’t have time right now to read everyone else’s comments, so forgive me if I repeat an opinion. (1) See a psychiatrist, not a GP for any mental health issues. (2) Ask for extended release Xanax — it should not cause drowsiness and should help with the initial jitteriness that you may experience from the Cymbalta.

    Lookit, I just de-lurked, oh my!

  35. Msbatman says:

    I wish that I could tell you how many time I have had to just get through the next 5 minutes. Just get through this breath. I’ve lost count. I wish I could tell you that with the medication you will never have to be there again. I wish that I could tell you that those pills are instant happiness in a bottle.

    But you already know I can’t. What I can tell you is that they will help. I can tell you that there is hope and you should cling to it. I can tell you it probably is all in your head, but not in the way your husband thinks. It’s chemical, not mental.

    You’ve taken a very important, very courageous first step. You’ve admitted you need help, and you’ve taken steps to get that help. Kudos to you. I’m proud of you.

  36. I have only heard wonderful things about cymbalta. In time, you will know what works for you.

  37. Peggy says:

    Ok here’s the thing – and I realize that I’m probably not the norm but I’ve never really been anyway so who gives a fuck, right?

    I prefer doctors like that. Shrinks make me loose my shit and think I’m nuts. You need to get over a rough patch and that’s what you are doing.

    You went straight to the source and that’s great. Take the meds, they will help you and if not we can just drink away our sorrows. Deal?

  38. Gosh, it looks like everyone has something to say about what you should or shouldn’t do.

    I’m very sorry you aren’t feeling well. Whether the medication works or doesn’t work or is right or isn’t right or Fabbie leaves his wife for your mother, you have to do what’s right for you. And hope is what it’s about.

    In my experience as a therapist, the only thing that works immediately is acupuncture. If you haven’t tried it, it’s worth a shot. It can make the med work better or just make you feel better. I’m not saying you “should” do it – just that it works.

    While we’re talking in shoulds? You should know that there is no evidence – none in over 6,000 studies – that medication without counseling works. Further, the only thing that is proven to work, all be it takes longer, is regular exercise. Also, medications have a 90 day cycle – so you have to factor that in as well. That’s your research report…. :)

    You’re a great gal, Britt. You’ll work this out. I know it.

  39. Sarcastica says:

    Perhaps you should get a second opinion? Just to talk more about the issues surrounding the depression?

  40. Lynda says:

    Ummmm….erm….OMG! Hmmmm….

    I just don’t know where to begin.

    Ok, when my sister had cancer, I had a doctor’s appointment and on my way there, I burst into tears and could…not…stop…crying. And pretty much the same thing happpened. “Do you need to be treated for this?” And I am thinking, “How the fuck do I know? I am not the doctor.”

    So, I got some Lexapro. And it made me feel blah. After my sister died, and I was working through the grief (about a year later, I think) I stopped taking the stuff, because it made me feel so….blah. Plus, I was talking to a psycologist. I would rather feel emotions than that flat feeling Lexapro gave me.

    Anyway, I hope you don’t end up with the same thing, and this ends up helping you. Do you think some of this is because of moving? I got a little depressed after I moved so far from home. Personally, I would recommend talking to someone before the drugs, but I only say that because I don’t think the drugs really helped me. It made me feel worse than the depression.

  41. Nina says:

    Hi Britt. I am not saying “go read my blog” or anything, except, yeah, might want to go read some of what I’ve been through with the scrip writing doctors, xanax, anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. Summary version: save the xanax for when you are crying uncontrollably and and take the anti-depressants like they are vitamins, and then just wait… time can do almost anything. I don’t plan on putting this stuff into my body forever, but if I have to in order to be not what I call like this, I will do so without a qualm. Also, get over to Dooce and see what she has to say on this subject. PLEASE – even if you don’t read all the whiny crap I want about xanax – GO SEE DOOCE. She gets it. Feel better soon. :heartbeat:

  42. Miss Britt says:

    Kim Ayres: “The tablets will give you the space to be able to revaluate your life and what’s led you to where you are.”

    That’s what I’m hoping for. Thank you.

    DanjerusKurves: well, um, HAPPY DELURKING!! LOL :wave:

    Msbatman: thanks sweetie.

    themuttprincess: wouldn’t it be awesome if I lucked out and got the right one the first try?

    Peggy: Deal!!

    On a limb with Claudia: regular exercise? Ah shit – now THAT I didn’t want to hear! :-)

    Sarcastica: will definitely at the very least be searching for another primary care physician.

    Lynda: will absolutely be keeping my eye out for the “blah” – that was one of the things that kept me away from a doc for so long.

    Nina: “save the xanax for when you are crying uncontrollably and and take the anti-depressants like they are vitamins, and then just wait… time can do almost anything.” that’s exactly what I was thinking.

    And I got emails and phone calls on that post last week – have read it, and it was helpful. Thanks ;-)

  43. Poppy says:

    All I’ve got to say is, the entire time I was on anti-depressants my husband gave me a hard time about it, although in retrospect he promises he was just saying he wished the doctors hadn’t been so quick to judge me as depressed. Just… don’t let your husband give you shit for getting help. Please.

  44. Nobody™ says:

    So far I’ve been on Paxil, Wellbutrin XL, Lexapro, and just started Cymbalta a little over a week ago. Paxil sucked. I felt like I was dead, and could not stay awake. Wellbutrin made me agitated. Lexapro was pretty good, but did make me tired, and after awhile I had the blahs, I just didn’t care about anything.

    I’m liking the Cymbalta, so far I’ve had only mild side effects, some dizziness when I’m getting tired later at night, loss of appetite, that sort of thing.

    If the Cymbalta doesn’t work out for me I’m going to get a referral to a psych dr.

  45. NYCWD says:

    You need to do what’s right for you. If this is it… then everyone else can fuck off.

    :hug:

  46. Miss Britt says:

    Poppy: I don’t think he is – I think he wanted me to go see another doctor because he could tell that something wasn’t “right” about that one.

    Nobody™: I couldn’t finish my lunch yesterday. I’m soooo hoping loss of appetite is a side effect. And that it sticks! LOL

    NYCWD: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  47. Shelli says:

    Try this for now. I, too, am on Cymbalta. Sometime we should just get together and talk. Oh, wait, dammit! I live in Minnesota. Well there is always chat. As I was saying, try it for now, but before you need a refill, find another doctor. One who isn’t interested in just writing prescriptions, but wants to LISTEN to you.

    More hugs. Pretty soon, you will have so many hugs from me, you won’t know what to do with them all. ;)

  48. Sybil Law says:

    I am so glad I have a doctor who will literally spend 2 hours with me and make everyone else wait. I refuse to go to one who treats their patients like cattle! Of course, she does this with all her patients so I often have to wait two hours, but hey.
    I think you are really brave for going and I really do know how hard that is. I was given Xanax (generic, also) because I felt like I had to stretch my legs all night long and couldn’t sleep. My docotor spent all that time with me and came to the conclusion it was from anxiety. I took half a tiny pill and it would lull me to sleep. They’re around for emergencies.
    Definitely get a new doctor, please! It makes all the difference in the world. One where it takes you months to get in is probably a good one, or at least in my opinion. Then you can push the issue and get in sooner.
    I am writing way too much here, but just so you know – I like you just the way you are. Plus, you have a really cool mom, fantastic kids and a great husband, not to mention a lot of friends behind you. Good luck!

  49. Mrs RW says:

    I think the first step is the hardest. Now that’s behind you. See, you’re making it. :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat: :heartbeat:

  50. annie says:

    They hand that shit out like candy. I think you should really talk to someone who gives a shit and find what’s best for YOU. But you could take this in the meantime, temporarily.
    I’ve been on all that stuff and it pretty much didn’t phse me at all, I swore I was taking a placebo or something.

  51. Miss Britt says:

    Shelli: there are never too many hugs. :-)

    Sybil Law: yeah, finding a new doctor is definitely on the list of things to do in the New Year.

    Mrs RW: :love: you are awesome – you know that, right?

    annie: temporarily is good right now – I’m feeling like I’ll survive the holidays, which is improvement.

  52. OK, I know this is going to sound really preachy, but I hope you’re going to follow up those drugs with some consultations with a doctor of the mental health variety. I’ve stood where you are; actually, still am. It’s easy for a GP to scribble out a prescription without any due dilligence. The psych doc will know more about when it’s appropriate to get off the pharmacy. Take care of yourself first, B.

  53. Missi says:

    I am so sorry you had to go thru that. It really blows when you walk out of a dr’s office without the warm and fuzzy feeling of actually being heard.

    Now, I do take antidepressants too. I am bipolar though, so it is a little different. I take wellbutrin. It doesn’t seem to have any side effects. I also have anxiety issues. I take Ativan, it is like Xanax. I have take it for over a year and I am NOT addicted. I don’t have to take it everyday and I don’t use more than suggested. I use it as needed and, so far, have not had a problem with it. If you use the Xanax on an as needed basis, you should be fine. It does make you sleepy in the beginning, but as I have found, that side effect does go away. I no longer have the profound sleepiness I had in the beginning of taking it.

    I hope it does get better for you. Remember, it will take atleast 2 weeks for the antidepressent to fully kick in for you to feel better.

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