So I was talking to mah bitch last night and we were doing what we usually do in the few hours of time we have for just US. That is, we were rubbing each other’s egos and cackling on about how much better we were then everyone else.
No, no. Of course I jest. Amy and I are both very humble women who have far better things to do than build ourselves up by tearing random internet strangers down. I mean really, how petty do you people think I am?
We were actually bitching talking about our blogs and blog traffic and commenters. Specifically, about why we don’t have more of them.
We talked about how we had both been very lazy lately about going to other blogs, or rather commenting on other blogs. I mean I have like 106 blogs in my feed reader. But I only comment on like 5 a day or so anymore. I’m just… “meh” right now, ya know?
ANYway, we both agreed that commenting is the best way to get readers and that if we weren’t willing to do more of that we shouldn’t bitch. Or rather, she agreed. Because she is a good person. Or rather, she made me promise to tell you all that she agreed because she is at least a better person than me.
But you know what? Not me. Fuck that.
I don’t want readers who only come here hoping to get a little reciprocal lovin’. I don’t read blogs because I’m hoping they’ll stop by here. Fuck, I read amalah.com every damn day and you KNOW that bitch isn’t ever going to have a minute for this place (right? amalah? love me!!!!!!!)
I read people because they make me smile. Or laugh. Or think. Or because I am just in awe of their ability to take words from their head and put them into mine. And a lot of the bloggers I read never show up here either. I mean, like, never.
And that’s the kind of reader I want.
I want admirers. And worshippers. Who flock to me come rain, shine, sleet, snow or comment. Who come here and comment whether they ever see me on their blog or not. And who would piss themselves with glee if they did (again, hellloooo amalah! And Crystal! OMG Crystal I remember the time you commented here and called me “sug”!!!)
Yes. Absolutely. I want a flock.
And if that makes me a bitch ass.. uh… bitch. No, wait, I think it’s “bitch ass ho”. Yeah! If that makes me a bitch ass ho – well, so be it!
Because, bitch ass ho’s are really in this season, aren’t they?
Love and adoration is only fun when there's some reciprocity. At least show the world your boobs.
I used to crave legions of sycophants signing on each day and posting stuff like…
"Yer SO funnie!"
"Yew rawk."
"You're right as usual."
"You are the funniest blogger in the world."
"That's why this is the best blog in bloggyland"
"If you stopped blogging I'd have to die."
"I love you here's ten million dollars."
But after five years of blogging over two separate blogs it's really only the ten million dollars I want.
My test is whether or not my blogroll links are reciprocated. Britt.
Oh, thank you! I have always wondered exactly what a "bitch ass ho" was
I always learn so much on my visits here.
You make being a bitch ass ho sexy. WORK IT GIRL!
avitable: no, no, we've talked about this, remember? If it's only one way it can still be OK. I SWEAR we've had this conversation…
RW:
No one I read is on my blogroll hardly!! I have to update it because I am chained to my feed reader.
I swear!! I promise!!!
(I am so going to have to break down and update that damn thing now or the CG will eat me alive)
jennyryan: just remember, anything you learn here that you incorporate into one of your routines that make you wildly famous… I get a cut.
themuttprincess: cue the catwalk music! LOL
Jeez honey I read ya every day just because it's the only real time we get to "talk" sometimes.
*snicker* You're mom just made me laugh. I think that's what my mom would say if she had internet or even electricity.
Where was I… Oh yeah. I read blogs to find humor, insight, or silliness from other people all the time. It's my break from reality. I sure don't expect people to come read me because of it.
I'll be in the flock m'kay. Baa! Baa! As long as I get a bowling shirt.
If I read everyone who showed me love I wouldn't have time to work, eat, sleep, (other things more fun than any of that…). I have what I consider a ton of traffic but I get 10 comments a day if I'm lucky. I supplement my ego stroking via IM.
You're nuts. Legions of fans is a pain in the ass.
I love devious bitch ass ho's. That is why I come here EVERY day. I am one of your "flock". I am one of your flock that would like to see your boobs also.
Bitching is so early 2006.
Fans are a PitA and soon fans start to expect a certain attitude and writing turns into what they love to read.
Bloggers can't fuckin' blindly adore another blogger because they are too fuckin' narcistic and all have the best blog. Oh wait, you already said that yourself.
This cracks me up. You know, some 90% of the blogs out there have only one reader – the author. You not only have a lot of readers, but you have significant comments in just about every post. Hell, you've got *members*! That's something right there.
There was (yet) another article on Digg about how to whore out your blog and it's all the same BS that everyone who has any kind of readership already follows.
But I can't fault you. I found myself in the opposite situation the other day of being amazed because I could count into double digits people who I know for a fact read my blog. In the glut of the blogosphere 10 known readers is actually pretty impressive. (I have more than 10, tho, I counted some 25 that I can name).
But my point (and I do have one) is this: Even if you get famous for blogging, you're only going to be famous among bloggers. Ask anyone who doesn't blog if they know who Dooce is, or Perez Hilton, or anyone else you consider "famous". Personally, I'd rather take comfort in knowing that the people reading me feel like they know me… and maybe even do to some extent, than to Be the subject of some kind of idol worship.
I know… and with a handle like "FyreGoddess". Go figure.
Mom: Oh whatever Mom. You are the original Super Fan.
Fogspinner: I hereby give you permission to get a bowling shirt. (Oh, wait, I don't have to PAY do I?? I kind of imagined this where I was the one getting gifts)
AmyD: or hate mail. I'm still waiting for hate mail.
Poppy: you are obviously much more popular than me then, lol. Hmm… maybe I should start posting on Poppy's blog…
Joefish: that's only because you actually have something to OFFER. Me? I'm just here for the show. That's easy.
greg t: will any boobs do? I am totally willing to offer Amy's boobs in exchange for fame and fortune.
franky: shhhh… franky… you're interfering with my delusions.
FyreGoddess: fuckin' A babe, you actually have a point. damn you. Famous among bloggers is just… like being the prom queen at a high school of 400 kids, I suppose, isn't it?
Well. Shit. You gotta start somewhere. I mean, look how many small town prom queens go on to be international porn stars. Right?
Britt, I will gladly lift the "no anonymous posting" ban on my blog if you want to come play at my site. Not sure that what I have to say is your kind of thing, unless you want to hear about my cats, my day, Avi Avi Avi Avi Avi (he does rule the universe…), and pretty pictures of what could be Iowa if you squint at them a bit, but you're more than welcome to show up. And someday I'll get off my lazy ass and move away from Blogger. Your blog is so much more fun for its visitors.
I read your blog but I don't think I've ever commented but since you were honest and said you liked comments, I thought I'd make one!:lol:
Admirers and worshippers…what about minions ?
I just want to know one thing… where do I sign up for the fan club and get my super secret Miss Britt decoder ring?
What's a good homo gotta do to get called out on occasion!?
I someday hope to be the person everyone wants commenting on their blog.
You know… like Mist.
Poppy: Avi, Avi, Avi, hmmm? Well if phone, email, chat, webcam, and the blogosphere is not enough… what's one more!?
Karen: awwwwww!!! wooo hoooo!! Thank you, thank you.
Paticus: minions who kill at the slightest "not held up in courtable" suggestion?
Perfect.
NYC Watchdog: again with the backwards gifting!! People, you are supposed to send ME gifts and fan mail and stuff!!!
(Dawg, the next cereal prize is from me, promise)
jester: yeah, when Mist started commenting here it was cool. Then I realized her comments are better then my posts. Now I'm hell bent on finding her and sucking out her brains. (ah, Mist, i kid sweetie, I swear – please do not be afraid and kindly leave your address in the comments)
Ya know Jester, you could be a good homo and introduce you to all your good homo blogger friends. I mean, in my experience, that's what good homos do. Right?
(you will also be responsible for handling the hate mail I get as a result of this comment reply.)
I'm still always in shock when I see my name on someones blog roll… I know I only have a handful of readers and even fewer commenter's… but in my own little world I pretend I have zillions of lurkers who just never comment… make me feel better. you should try it…
I read your posts everyday. I've commented MAYBE three times. Sorry. Goes back to that whole "she's better than me, she's cool and my comments will sound stupid" thing.
We adore you (and not just because some want to see your girls!!)….
You know I can handle the hate mail, you have been to my site this week to see it all.:) But I'm guessing you missed the post where all the "homo" blogger friends that I've tried to make are in some sort of weird clique that leaves me sitting at the band geek table. It's ok, though… the band geeks are my kind of people.:)
I come here and often.
That comment was such a double entendre I just lost my cock of thought.
TRAIN. Sex. I need more of it, apparently.
Anyway, I just never comment on anyone's blog because mine are usually lame.
As is evidenced here.
crystal secrest – out.
I pay people to comment on my blog.
Yes, I think 'bitch ass ho' is the proper term.
I come here cuz I always feel better when I leave, than when I got here. (except when you're upset)
"ah babe, temporaryily overwhelmed because Holy Shit There Really Is Alot Going On Right now is not the same as failing
This too shall pass, right?"
Oh puh-leez! When you're the blogosphere's version of that guy who plans the big party, buys the beer and food, aranges for the entertainment, and not only do your guests not arrive, but neither do the paid hookers? THEN you can complain. Jesus H. Christ. lmao.
My comment here marks the 28th you've received to this one post. I get all orgasmic and sweaty when I receive one comment. And as I've mentioned before somewhere, the only reason my stat counter increases is because I go out to check that my posts display properly.
This sounds like the gorgeous babe lamenting that she's just so ugly. lmao.
You rock already sister! Until you're ME; count your blessings.
Cat walk music is over rated. Stick to a legend. Prince of course!!!
I think Mist may be on to something–paying for patronage.
LOL – well if this post doesn’t bring you legions of followers… nothing will.
tori: seeing my name on someone else's site always shocks me too – especially if it's a blog I've never read before. that's like the ultimate blogger compliment!
Kellie:
thank you – but trust me, I am so not cooler than ANY of you
jester: eh, I'm not cool enough for the Beautiful Mommy Bloggers Who Rock table either. You can sit at my table any day.
crystal: I'm starting to think now you get some kind of pleasure from the idea of me peeing myself. (and YEAAHHHh!!!! Crystal!!!)
Mist 1: where do I sign up for that? Cash or check? Plastic?
jane: I don't think anyone has ever said they feel better when they leave me. Well, I mean, when they LEAVE ME, yes. But thanks.
Championable: while it may not be evident by this post, the timing of your copy and paste could not be better. Seriously.
Kelly: Oh kelly, you totally misunderstood my post. I do indeed rock, and am totally worthy of a following! Go ME!
themuttprincess: Ah Prince. My day just got better. Thank you.
Bitch ass ho is the new black.:cool:
You know, with all of these admirers who the hell needs to be concerned with dealing with cocksucking, no ball having, chickenshit morons in your real life?
Amy, don't forget about impotent little dick fuckers who think they know how to do a power play, but don't realize who they're messing with.
That's pretty awesome about the cut and paste.
I've scripted my mail server to send me random bits of praise, at random times, so if I have enough of a psychotic break it seems that I actually have adoring fans.
I don't normally comment on comments, but "Bitch ass ho is the new black" is a freakin' HILARIOUS comment.
Miss Britt, if it makes you feel any better I am an admirer! A new one, but still haha. I love your posts, they're funny, amusing, and they make me think.
Oh, by the way I love your blog design!
I'm a total traffic/comment whore. Really. I am.
And I so can't believe you didn't mention me. I thought you loved me. Or are you just using me to make out?
I too found you from Avitable. I now read you every day. I don't tend to comment as other people usually say what I am thinking better.
But I like the way that you are passionate about what you write.
I found you via Mist1 (who has never paid me to comment on her blog wtf?)
I promise to piss myself with glee if you ever comment on my blog!
Miss Misery: woo hoo!!! Thank you!!
heather: well… er… um…
Wicked H: I'm SO getting you a hook/staff thingie
AmyD: um, thank you?
Michael: well, look at me, I'm all flattered and shit now! (batting my eyelashes)
avitable: your loyalty is inspiring
Jacki: oh Jacki, you like passion? You're going to LOOOVE my vagina post on Friday.
Princess of the Universe: note to self, make point to post on POTU's blog. And request pictures.
avitable: what can I say? They are drawn to me because I am like a delicate little flower.
ScottsdaleGirl: sweet. I look amazing in black.
AmyD: yes, well, if they would all throw money at me instead of panties everything would be peachy.
avitable: I need to update my smileys to include the pulsing heart beat for you two.
Championable: lol, that is awesome. I need to be a technical genius!
Let me make like a shepheard and get the flock over here……
Sometimes I just kill myself. Hello? Is this thing on????
Avi Exactly!!!! Chickenshit little dickfuckers (what is a dick fucker anyway?) who are nothing but cowards dressed as bullies barely cloaking the fact that they are nothing more than talking, walking penises… AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
I’d add asshole to that tirade but THOSE things are PRODUCTIVE.
Found you via Avitable’s blogroll. I tend to check out a few blogs daily then come back and read the ones that interest me and make me chuckle or think.
Your site looks to be one that I want to read regularly.
Amy, spot on.
What’s with all these people who come here from my blog, but they don’t even comment on my blog? Bastards.
Vagina post? Somewhere in the blogosphere Avitable and Joe’s ears just perked up….
Amy, I already know all about it. It’s quite funny.
Hi! Wassup? (God. Am old. Superbowl 90-something!)
Love you, really, and good luck with creating your own (preferably remote-controlled-with-lots-of-firepower) flock. Which will hopefully be much less insane than mine. Because oh. my. hell. Insane.
My ears are ringing. Did someone say “vagina?”
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG Do you guys SEEEE!!!! It's HERRRR!!! It's HERRRRR!!! SQUEEEEE!!!
Um. *Ahem* I mean…
Amalah: Thanks for stopping by! Good luck appreciated! And am now scouring the Internet for remote control for flock. I've always been a fan of control.
Joe: Friday my boy… Friday…
Britt, WOOOHOOOO!!!!
Wait, you're showing your vagina on Friday?! What?! Did I miss a memo??
This is my first time here. Well, I might have stopped in once before but didn't really read anything. But that's besides the point. And I'm commenting. And this comment totally sucks in comparison to the 50 some other comments you have. So instead, I'm just going to leave a boring ass comment like "You have an awesome blog" and hope for the best.
And after reading my last comment, can you believe I said the word comment so many times? As if commenting on a comment that says the word comment isn't bad enough….
Yours is one of those ‘gee I like reading that blog,I should leave a comment, but I have nothing useful to say, so I won’t, I’ll just think nice thoughts about it’ blogs.
In case you wondered.