My therapist is Dr. Google

Tuesday, October 17th, 2006

If I manage to make this post have any kind of “flow”, I deserve a freaking award.  Or a book deal.  Consider that your warning.

This morning in the shower I had the usual 7 AM Conversation with myself.

“What in the hell are you going to blog about today?  There was that one funny thing… damn, that may take up two lines.  What was that one thing you were thinking about – remember, you said ‘I have to remember this for my blog’  Shit, your memory sucks these days….”

I went upstairs to get dressed and found myself taking a ridiculously long time to pick something out.  What to wear… what to wear… what says “I’m not trying to seduce your son and yes I am happily married but I do hope you all like me”?

What. The Fuck.  Where did that come from?  Actually, I knew damn well where that came from – ashamed as I may have been to admit it.  I’m having lunch today with my (to steal a phrase from Bonanza because dammit, it fits so well!) Work Husband.  We have lunch every day so that in itself is no big deal.

Last night he called to tell me that we’re having lunch with his mom and grandmother today.

So yes, now I feel some strange sense of meeting the in-laws.  Work In-Laws.  And even though I’ve already met several members of his family and all of his friends, I realized this morning that I was nervous.  Actually, I realized that more than just being nervous, I was thinking about how to make a good impression on them.

Shut up.  I am painfully aware of how fucking inappropriate this entire scenario is.

Anyways, so I continue on with my primping and polishing routine and my mind continues to wander and self analyze.  Why in the hell do I care what these people think?  Why am I going through the extra trouble to add ringlet curls to my naturally curly hair?  Why did it take me an extra five minutes to decide what color of eye shadow I would wear?

Because my mother’s right.  Even though I adore my husband and I am one of the luckiest women in the world, I seem to have some sick need to be “wanted” by other men.

On the drive to work, I continue to turn this over in my head.  I wondered if I should blog about this at all.  I wondered if I could simply tell the story of me sharing the Lunch News with my husband last night, in a desperate attempt to make an inappropriate situation more appropriate.  I wondered if I could flesh out enough of a post around the look he gave me that did not say “why the fuck are you boring me with the mundane details of your life” and more read “yes Britt I do see how fucking odd that is”.

I wondered why in the hell I still care what other people think of me.  I wondered what childish insecurities I was still carrying around that I looked for affirmation from people besides my husband.  I wondered if all that was really as bad as it sounded.

Maybe she’s right.  Maybe I’m nothing more than a “plain Jane mother of two” desperately trying to appear “young and hip”.  Has my vanity moved beyond a quirky “part of my charm” to down right pathetic?  Maybe I need to get a fucking grip and realize that I am well beyond any stage in my life where I should even be entertaining the notion of being some kind of “sexy little thing” – except of course in my own husband’s eyes.

I arrived at work and sat down to blog.  I was still not quite sure what to write about, since the thoughts that were really swirling around in my head were far from flattering.  I logged into my site and tried to buy myself a little time by checking out my Google stats.

I checked out the maps and the numbers and the returning visitors vs. first time readers.  I clicked on the Keywords report – where they tell you what words people have used to find your site.

My jaw dropped.

The number one term people use to find this site?

“old sexpots”

Shut. Up.

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  1. AmyD says:

    ROTFLMAO – OMG!!!!! I'm dyin' here.

    Old Sexpot… ya know, there is NO alternative to that one. That is the bad version. Had you said, "sexpot" was the #1 term, at least someone (not me, of course) could have said, "Well, at least it wasn't OLD Sexpot." But, unfortunately, it was. :twisted:

  2. Erin says:

    I think that it is normal to want to impress anyone that you are meeting for the first time. Since you spend a lot of time with your work husband there is naturally a bond there, and it is only natural to want to impress.:wink:

  3. Delite says:

    HAHA!!

    Old sexpots, Old sexpots, Old sexpots…

    Gotta keep 'em coming back ya know! :D

    If I get the time I'll make ya a "old sexpot" theme song..maybe Dawn can come up with the tunes..muahahaha ;)

  4. Di - Weekends off says:

    LOL that was great you old sexpot!

  5. Miss Britt says:

    Spectacular. I've always wanted to be a "Poster Child For…" something.

    And apparently I have finally done it. Poster Child for Old Sexpots.

    fan fuckin tastic

  6. jane says:

    hahahaha @ old sexpots!! My mom lives at Senior Apts. & let me tell you, those old sexpots have some kick now!!! :mrgreen:

    I think we all want to be liked by others & admired by the opposite sex. Those who say they don't are either homosexual or liars.

  7. Tug says:

    I guess I am, in part, a homosexual liar then. :shock: I'm the opposite extreme and DON'T give a shit what people think – this is me, take it or leave it. And yes, I'm single – HA. Maybe I should care more??

    Off the topic – & I usually don't ask, but you changed your blog & all & "someone" may have ours through comments – OK to blogroll you or do you care?

  8. J. says:

    Old sexpot.

    Well, it's something at least.

    *snort*

    And you know what I think? I think your Mother has fucked with your head enough. We're women. It's engrained to want to knock 'em dead. In the blood. Really. Old and frail sexpots that we may be.

  9. If it makes you feel better, according to my keyword reporting, I'm the poster child for "Gay Gorilllas."

    Which, frankly, is kind of cool.

    If you didn't want to impress people a bit, I think that you either didn't really care about yourself too much, or had a massive ego. I think there's unhealty levels, of course, but everyone wants to have a little reminder that they are still, in some way, a bit hot.

    Rock on.

  10. Tiffany says:

    at least it wasn't "Old nasty hags". Let's be optimistic here.

  11. avitable says:

    Strangely enough, that is how I first found your blog. :evil:

    Everybody has work spouses. When I worked in an office, I had two work wives and we did everything together during the day. It's not unusual or bad at all.

  12. Ananke says:

    Hey, at least you get people looking for sexpots. All I ever get are people looking for the words to the Oscar Mayer wiener song or "Cheeky Little Devilkins." WTF? It could be worse, I could be getting emails from guys with only one ball. :shock:

  13. debkitty says:

    Hey my google stats are sad the #1 is brown phlem.

    I thought this was this serious emotionally weird post from you and then you end it with something that funny….I am speechless.

  14. Miss Britt says:

    jane: well hey, at least I've got kick!

    Tug: nah, I don't think you "should" anything but what you already do. Umm… does that make sense?

    It is definitely OK to blogroll me! I password protect anything that could be "used against me" now. Thank you. :mrgreen:

    J.: you know what I think? YOU are awesome, and just what I needed! Thank you. :wink:

    Rich: it's good to be "normal" – even, no ESPECUALLY, if normal means relating to a Gay Gorilla. October 18th, 2006 at 5:18 am | Edit

    Tiffany: LOL, true, true

    Avi: you definitely strike me as the kind of guy who could have work wives and STILL adore his own wife. I like that about you. Can I be your Blog Wife? :wink:

    Ananke: LOL, yes – thank goodness we don't have THOSE freaky people here!

  15. Jose918 says:

    Are you sure you didn't come out of the cast of "Desperate Housewives"… just kiddin'. You old sexypot.

    Jose – what happened to your blog?  I tried to click on it and it didn't come up right!

  16. avitable says:

    Britt, didn't you know? You already are!

  17. Miss Britt says:

    Woo Hoo!! I'm a Blog Wife!!

  18. Mon says:

    You gotta wonder how they come up with your blog sometimes, once I got 3 hits, for 'its ok to let someone drink your breast milk if you love them'. That's pretty specific. I have never talked about breast milk. Weirdos.

  19. Miss Britt says:

    Mon, I think that was the first comment today that literally made me pee.

    :mrgreen:

  20. Jen says:

    You’re never too old to be a “sexy little thing”

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